Chapter 4: I Want Love
The night lamp lurking behind Twilight Sparkle was more of a visual aid for the tiny notebook that was resting upon the ground. Whereby upon the pages, lines of observational notes regarding the astronomic state of the skies were scrawled.
With a quill grasped firmly between her teeth, the lavender mare craned her head down low to peer into the lens of her cherished fillyhood telescope, a gift that was from her mentor Princess Celestia, for her tenth birthday.
What’s this? I… I don’t remember this… isn’t that my first telescope?
That old thing brings back such fond memories…
I remember being so excited when I unwrapped it; it was just what I always wanted.
We always gazed upon the stars together when I was just a filly… especially the moon.
I never felt such love for anypony before; not even my parents… It almost sounds completely irrational when I say it out loud like that, but I think when I received the telescope, that was when I first fell in love with the Princess.
I didn't know what it was I was feeling at the time… I just thought it was admiration for an intellectual better. The love for a friend who gave me such a great gift.
How wrong and confused I was... I was just clouding the truth with the innocence of a foal.
Although hardly as powerful as her newer and more sophisticated telescope back at Ponyville Library, Twilight Sparkle always indulged in old memories by using it whenever she returned to her nigh untouched bedroom within the capitol’s castle walls, which was situated subsequently just down the hall from Princess Celestia and Princess Luna’s own.
Twilight’s loving smile only deepened as she panned the telescopic sight from a single twinkling star that made up part of the Ursa Major constellation; momentarily remembering Trixie with a slight frown and then to the giant embodiment Luna’s power, bathing her eyesight in its hauntingly beautiful, pale moonlight as she observed and inspected its surface.
It had been some years since Princess Luna was saved by the Elements of Harmony and since then, so much more had happened.
Some days Twilight could not quite believe her current situation; once a former student of the Celestia; an Element of Magic, now a Princess herself – equal to royalty, and with enough power at her hooves to control an entire kingdom of her own if she so chose to.
“Someday, but not right now. I have much to learn… Besides, I have plenty of time for that stuff in the future,” Twilight announced to herself, her excited smile quickly transforming into shock as she spotted a slight imperfection upon the lunar surface that was not present in her previous observations.
“Oh my! Is that a new crater? I definitely don’t remember seeing that...” Turning excitedly and crouching down low, Twilight summoned her magic to manipulate the pages of the notebook, quickly flicking back through it to the appropriate page where she hurriedly read her older surveys to confirm her suspicions.
Why do I not… feel this excitement anymore?
I haven’t read a book since… I haven’t even used the telescope back at the library since… since now, here, in this dream…
Is this a dream?
It feels so real, the detail too vivid… is this a memory?
She stomped all of her hooves excitedly, as she semi-jogged on the spot, turning around and around like a school filly going off on her first school camping trip, giggling like a maniac.
“It is a new crater! I must amend my notes,” Twilight spun about to summon her magic and pick up her pencil, writing excitedly into her notebook.
“This is simply too good to be true! This only serves to give further evidence to my ideas! And if I am correct—and that's a big if of course, then we must thank the Princesses all the more for raising the sun and the moon! The gravitational pull of the celestial objects must be drawing in interstellar debris, forcibly changing their flight path and protecting this world from direct harm from devastating impacts! If the moon and the sun—I theorize of course, were forced to remain in its original static positions, then I am sure that Equestria and various other parts of the world would had been peppered by asteroids and rendered uninhabitable! If it wasn't for the Princesses orbiting those celestial bodies, I am pretty sure the landscape and pony culture as we know today would had been shaped very differently by these impacts! Not to mention the drastic change in weather patterns—this is great!”
Her frantic amendment of her old notes was cut short as a soft knock on the door drew up her attention for a fraction of a second.
“Ah… was I talking too loud again? I hope I didn’t wake up anypony."
Dropping the quill on top of the open notebook, Twilight Sparkle trotted from the balcony to which her telescope was perched upon and headed across her expansive bedroom, which resembled the library back at Ponyville when you consider the filled bookshelves lining the walls that only ceased on either side of the bedroom door, where the gentle knocking continued its relentless onslaught.
Opening it up to find herself peering out into the hallway, Twilight Sparkle found Princess Celestia patiently waiting with a beaming, though somewhat tired smile upon the features of the monarch.
“P-Princess! Is something wrong? Oh… Oh, did I wake you up? I’m just so used to Spike being here to listen to me that I kind of forget that I needed to keep qui—”
“There is no need to fret, my dearest Twilight Sparkle. I was unable to sleep and I thought we could spend some time together. I do apologize for being unable to spend the morning with you, but the Day Court was particularly long… and boring,” Celestia’s horn was aglow with her magic as a silver tray enveloped in the same magical hue hovered into view between them, bearing all the necessary cutlery and ingredients needed to create herbal tea, “and don’t worry about waking me up Twilight, for there is nothing I enjoy more than hearing the excited voice of my greatest student in her element.”
The lavender mare blushed heavily as she glanced aside, her ears flat and twitching against her head at the complement, “U-Um, thank you, Princess... Um... please, come in,” Twilight announced almost in an embarrassed mutter, stepping back and opening the door fully.
As the Princess entered, Twilight’s eyes passed a glance over to the swishing spectral tail of her mentor, before running her gaze over those elegantly long hind legs and up over her flank where her Celestia’s Cutie Mark was proudly displayed upon the rump.
Entranced by the Goddess, Twilight observed as the Princess settled the tray of tea next to the notebook and drew her muzzle low towards the pages, reading silently the findings of her student with a wide, brimming smile of pride that just glistened in the eyes of her mentor…
Silently, Twilight Sparkle stepped forward towards the balcony, where the Princess was currently and silently occupied, her ears pulsing as blood coursed through her veins in an excited surge as she felt the odd sensation of something squirming in her stomach, growing with the need to moisten her lips with her tongue.
Nervously she approached the occupied Princess, her eyes wide and her mouth almost falling agape at the sight of the sheer magnificence gracing her balcony this evening, bathed in the pale moonlight, almost causing the Princess’s spectral mane and tail to glisten like a thousand suns that were dimmed and compressed into the strands of her beautiful hair.
Breathlessly, Twilight found her hooves rooted to the spot the closer she came, a fierce blush fighting its way onto her face, suddenly unable to speak or to think coherently.
Why did I have to fall in love with somepony who was just so perfect?
She was a Princess who I aspired to be, and to… and to have…
To hold…
To kiss…
I longed to stroke that hair; yearned to take it in my hooves and smell the aroma of the dawn in the strands…
Lusting to feel those lips crushed against mine, kissing me with a wanted passion, one that could have burnt hotter than the sun…
Seemingly noting the silence, Celestia lifted her head from the book and looked upon Twilight with a growing concern, as the Element of Magic was just blatantly staring at her from the balcony entrance.
“Is something wrong, Twilight?” At the continued silence, Celestia all but ignored the tea she had brought with her, her attention shifting from the notebook as she moved to approach Twilight with the look of a mother’s love twisted into worry.
“N-nothing is wrong, P-Princess I just—”
“Then… Why are you crying?”
“I-I’m crying?” Twilight shot a hoof up to her eyes and quickly rubbed at them, stunned to find that it was true. She was indeed crying, for she could not feel the moisture smeared upon her muzzle.
“Twilight,” Gentle, warm forelegs lifted to wrap about the neck of the lavender mare, as Celestia drew her into a comforting and loving embrace. “Is there something on your mind? Whatever it is, I will do my best to help. I promise.”
The lavender form trembled against the regal white of the Princess, unable to move as her her muzzle was pressed firmly against Celestia’s chest, the monarch’s wings too seizing Twilight’s diminutive form in its graceful entrapment.
“I’m... afraid…”
I was so afraid… even though I wanted nothing more than to tell how I truly felt.
“Of what, Twilight Sparkle?”
Twilight clenched her eyes shut, the words passing through her lips without thought.
“Of… you.”
“Of me?” Celestia seemed generally surprised, “Whatever do you mean?”
“I don’t… I-I don't want you to hate me, Princess…”
“Twilight...” Celestia spoke her former student’s name with a dash of authority, yet with the permanent underlying sincerity of her love for the younger mare present within her tone, which served to both comfort and stir up a storm of conflicting emotions within Twilight as both mares stared deep into the others’ eyes.
“There is nothing you can do, or say to make me hate you. I am so very proud to know you, Twilight Sparkle. So, very proud to have once called you my student and so very proud that you fulfilled your destiny and grew up to become the mare you are today. So whatever it is you have done, Twilight, I am sure it cannot warrant my hatred.”
Celestia’s smile grew as she continued, noticing the faint blush upon Twilight’s cheeks, “I don’t know what it is that troubles you but no matter what it is, know that I will always be here for you.”
Twilight was touched beyond what words could comprehend. It took all of her might to stop herself from crying from the joy that exploded within her chest.
“Do you not remember the lessons you have learnt over the years, my dearest Twilight? As you have so rightly mentioned before in your correspondence to me in regards to the Magic of Friendship; do you not recall that friends are always there to lend a helping hoof?”
The embrace upon Twilight slackened, as the Princess pulled back just enough to gaze into former student’s eyes, a wide, beaming smile upon the lips of the Princess.
I should had kissed her then.
I should have told her…
Oh please, let this one moment last forever; please, just for a while longer let me see that smile that melts my heart and makes me silently cry out with love.
If this is indeed a dream then don’t let this end!
That dazzling smile upon the lips of her unrequited love transformed much to Twilight Sparkle’s confusion into an alarmed surprise, before dropping into a sudden and enraged purpose that hardened Celestia’s gaze into blind determination.
Uncertain as to why the Princess looked so distraught over the top of Twilight’s head, the lavender mare turned to look at just what it was that was behind her.
Not a moment later, the Princess had moved to manoeuvre herself with such speed it almost appeared much like a white streak had invaded Twilight’s vision. The Princess was standing before the lavender mare with her wings outstretched, blocking her view altogether of what it was that was going on, as if protecting her from some kind of peril.
The Princess’s horn was aglow with all the might of the burning sun to which she represented, Celestia erecting a glittering shield of gold around them both, protecting them from a growing, pale light that animated from somewhere within Twilight Sparkle’s bedroom.
Unsure as to what was going on, Twilight moved to press herself into the flank of her mentor, afraid and perplexed as to what was going on as she peered around her.
“What is that?”
No, please, not that… anything but that!
This is a dream—my dream! I don’t want to see this again! Once was enough!
“Stay behind me, Twilight Sparkle!”
All too abruptly, the invasive light brightened to its blinding zenith, causing both the Twilight Sparkle and Celestia to instinctively close their eyes and raise their hooves up to cover their faces from the enshrouded entities that stood within the blast’s epicentre.
"P-Princess? What’s happening?!"
STOP IT!
A gut wrenching stench of burnt flesh and cindered hair permeated the air as Twilight felt herself flung to the ground—
PLEASE!
And the weight of something on top of her, pushing her down—
NO!
… and the horrific visage of the Princess, whose face was contorted into a silent scream; horribly burnt and blistered, as her final breath departed from this mortal coil.
____________________________________
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
Twilight Sparkle jolted up in her plush comfortable bed, awaking in a rush of panicked bewilderment as her half blinded sight struggled to adjust to reality, her eyelids wide as she flailed her limbs and screamed in violent desperation to save the mare she loved that had long since been interned to her tomb.
The mare felt something or somepony holding her down by the shoulders with a powerful restraint, while another two weaker struggling attempts wrapped about her writhing rear legs.
Panicked by the weight crushing down on her, Twilight’s turmoilous mind reacted accordingly and thus she started bucking wildly against the restraints, tears streaming down her cheeks as she arched her back and thrashed her head wildly from side to side, as a mixture of anguish and anger contorted her face into a vile sneer as her maddeningly wide, unblinking eyes took in the surroundings of her own bedroom and its occupants.
“Twi’! It’s me! Ya’ll safe now!” Applejack bore her full weight down on the lavender mare’s shoulders, pinning her down onto her back, forcing her head to completely consume Twilight’s sight with a concerned and tearful expression.
“Ya need ta calm down, sugar, it’s jus’ us!”
“L-LET ME GO! LET ME GO!”
“Someone DO something! I… I can’t hold onto her forever, you know! Ah! She’s stronger than she looks!” Came a struggling, tomboyish plea.
Applejack’s prized Stetson flopped from her head during the confrontation, landing upon the bed as she fought against Twilight’s violent spasms, her ponytail coming loose during the confrontation, spilling golden strands to chaotically cover portions of her deeply concerned expression.
“Someone go an’ call a doc! Or the Princess or somethin’! I don’t think she’s gonna stop—we’ll need somethin’ to calm ‘er down, like a sedative or somethin’!”
“Fluttershy go and find somepony, I’ve got this—”
“A-are you sure?” Came a timid reply.
“Yeaaaah, no biggie. Just hurry up, okay?”
“O-okay…”
“Stop struggling, egghead! You’re only gonna go and hurt somepony if you-OW! Hey! Watch it!”
Panting and feeling weaker by the second, Twilight finally started to relent given her fragile state, the sudden explosion of anger and desperation swiftly replacing with a growing sense of helplessness that curdled away into a wrenching heart filled with the lamentation of tears, as her head simply flopped back onto the bed dejectedly, her wide eyed gaze glazing as she stared straight up at the ceiling, beyond Applejack’s worried expression.
“Twi’?” The abrupt silence and tranquillity from the lavender mare caused the earth pony to relax her grip, “Twi'?” She shook the mare gently and found little response from the unblinking eyes.
“T-Twilight? Twilight, answer me…” Hot tears coursed down Applejack’s muzzle, as she shook Twilight a little more violently, “Twilight! Twilight can ya hear me? Please say somethin’, a-anythin’! We’re your friends—we’re here! It's me, Applejack... Don' ya recognize me?”
“AJ… It's cool, she's still breathing, see? She's just tired, let her rest a little, yeah?"
The rainbow mane colored pegasus approached Applejack, content in releasing Twilight’s rear legs for the moment as she noticed how docile the alicorn had become. Gently, Rainbow Dash pried Applejack from off of Twilight’s immobile figure and simply embraced the earth pony as the farmer erupted into tears.
“A-ah can’t bare t-to see ‘er like this…”
“I know AJ. I know… Me either."
"Ya'll bein' awfully calm 'bout it!"
"Sorry… but you do know she will get better, right? It is why I ain't worried in the slightest. She's Twilight Sparkle, the Element of Magic, AJ, of course she's gonna be okay,” Rainbow Dash moved to sooth the earth pony, by stroking her mane delicately with a gentle, albeit trembling hoof, fighting back her own emotions by nibbling on her lower lip, “we’ve got to be strong for her, kay?”
“Ah’m not so sure—"
“We have to believe, Applejack. I believe she will be alright. Because we’ll be there waiting for her… Cause, you know. We’re friends… You look after her for a second, yeah? I have to go and do something.” Rainbow Dash stepped back and fluttered her wings so that she hovered a few inches off of the ground, electing a concerned expression from the farmer.
“Where ya’ll going?”
A look of determination grew on Rainbow Dash’s face as she regarded the scarily silent Twilight, noting now for the first time that the lavender mare’s lips were making subtle movements, as if Twilight was speaking silently to herself. Rainbow swallowed hard at the sight, casting away her worry for her friend for an unquenchable thirst for answers.
The blue pegasi blinked back her own tears and gave Applejack a pained glance, “I’ve got a bone to pick with a Princess for putting Twilight in this situation in the first place. We knew she was not ready to attend that stupid trial, yet she still gave Twilight the option to go...”
Rainbow noted the rising retort from Applejack and merely interjected before she had the chance to say anything, “I know! I know! Twilight wasn’t being forced to go—we KNEW she was in no condition to go and we KNEW she would have gone no matter what we all said, but I just don’t see why the Princess had to go and agree with it.
Heck, if Luna had said nothing about the trial in the first place and not bothered her with something so trivial, Twilight would still be in Ponyville resting, so I’m going to go and give the Princess a piece of my mind for allowing this to happen.”
“W-wait, RD! Don’ go an’ do anythin’—” before the farmer could even raise a hoof to stop her, a contrail of rainbow departed the bedroom leaving Applejack by herself, “ah, horse apples...” The earth pony sighed and moved to pick up her Stetson, placing it upon its rightful place atop of her head.
To a degree, she knew Rainbow was right. But this whole situation was just so… Impossible. What could have caused Twilight to collapse like that and what was that stupid trial about, anyway?
Why did it need TWO Princesses to preside over it? Surely Luna and the council could have dealt with it between them?
Was it not the reason why the council was formed in the first place?
Why was it so important tha’ Twi’ was so determined to go?
Her emerald eyed gaze glistened with tears as she moved to hold Twilight’s hoof in her own, dipping down low to kiss the back of it as she stroked it tenderly.
“Ya’ll safe now, sugarcube… We gonna take ya home back to Ponyville, ‘kay? Ah promise, we’ll all look after ya… so jus’… jus’ say somethin’, Twi’—anythin’… Twilight?”
Renewed tears formed in Applejack’s eyes as she attained little to no response from the eerily silent mare, her bottom lip quivering, “I know ya’ll can hear me, Twi’ jus’ say somethin’… Move a hoof, blink a few, nod ya your head! Jus’ do somethin’!”
Twilight’s eyes of white and amethyst abruptly focused upon Applejack’s glittering emerald orbs at her plea, but there was nothing behind them. There was just no life in them and it stabbed at Applejack to see it.
The sheer weight behind that vacant stare caused Applejack to crumble down and weep openly against Twilight’s hoof, “Ah’m so sorry I wasn’ there for ya… I’m so, so sorry... we all are... ya’ll forgive us, right, sugar? We’ve tried everythin’ to make ya feel better an’ I know how much it hurts… an’ it hurts us too tha’ the Princess... d-died in such ah-ah… ah... horrible… A-accident…”
An impassive voice croaked out hoarsely, barely above the audibility of a distant whisper, “Accident?”
Looking up from Twilight’s hoof, the snot and tear stained face of Applejack peered back into those eyes, pity and worry lacing them much to the lavender mare’s disgust, a smile breaking out across Applejack’s lips as Twilight finally responded.
“Twi’…”
“Accident?” Louder this time, Twilight’s voice grew in its demand, her gaze releasing a horde of emotion to pierce right through Applejack’s soul.
“What accident?”
Applejack seemed ok to me, and that last line, Oh boy!
Just by reading the description I do want to read this sorry.
p.s. how do I do the pony faces in comments?
4073511
4073381 I love you.
4073511 In regard to putting the pony face smileys/emoticons in your comments, they're to the far right of the page, right beside the comments box. You just click in the one that you want...like this .
And there you go.
Be warned, though, that there's a limit of 20 in any one comment-post. Try to put in more than that (say 21), and the site automatically removes all of them.
Hope that I helped you.
4073571 Sexy applejack speaks.
You must amend all of my yeses.
Your Applejacquese is fluent, except for this:
liar. it's every writers wet dream to end with a good cliff-hanger.
I am so thankful, to you all. Thank you.
4073621 What's wrong with the way he writes AJ? I use the "Ah'm" for her, rather than than "I'm" myself.
4073581 Eh...yeah.
4073798 Eh.
4073804 Drat it, I mean "er". Sorry 'bout that.
And thanks for saying that my AJ avatar is sexy. I happen to agree with you on that.
4073817 Course ya do sugar.
4073821 Thanks, hun.
4073843
So Celly saw it coming, raised a shield, and still got killed. Either Celly messed up her shield, or the assassin had some kind of superweapon.
sun to which she represent,
You need an ed after represent.
The rainbow mane coloured pegasi approached Applejack
Pegasi needs to be Pegasus
Gently, she prized Applejack from off of Twilight’s immobile figure
Pried, not prized.
replacing back upon its rightful place
Replacing it back in it's rightful place
All I found for now
4073947
And so, the "Twilesta ends with angst and sadness" streak continues. I'm glad Twiluna's my flagship.
Makes sense they'd cover it up. I doubt Parliament/the citizenry would give a shit about a treaty if they learned that a griffon nationalist assassinated their beloved ruler.
4074194 Princess Celestia, Goddess of the Sun, messing up her shield? Doubt that muchly.
4074732
4075412 Well said.
I am going to have to add the gore tag, me thinks, if this continues on its current path.
4075111 NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
4074413 Thanks for the corrections.
4076010 Silliness.
4076323 I'm just glad I could help.
And so, the characterization of violent murderous griffons continues...
SO MUCH RACISM!!
Why do I have this terrible feeling there may have been no assassin.
I usually do not read stories where Celestia dies, but I'm willing to make an exception for this one provided Twilight properly avenges her Mentor's death.
Great job on the story so far; can't wait for the next chapter to come out!
just went to read later list them last 2 lines made me giggle. (im sure ill get to this I hope)
4078195
Actually, it might just well have been an assassin. but in order to keep the populace from panicking and giving her and Twilight more troubles and stress, Luna has just given a cover story saying that Celestia died in a magical experiment or something, and Twilight was injured in the same accident.
That said, if that were the case, then why would AJ and Dashie be talking about a trial?
4077944 You will have to see if the gryphons are portrayed murderous, or maybe being made to seem that way.
4080531 Thanks for giving this story a try! And maybe. Maybe Twi will get her revnge.
4084961 Well said. However, something was said 4078195 in the latest chapter that I dont think people caught on to. I think. I hope.
I like this concept! will read with interest!
Accident? Oh, I can tell who I'm rooting for.
There are some spelling errors and mis use of some words, but overall not terribly distracting. The plot is very interesting, though I do not know why AJ is calling it an accident now. Unless she is being lied to by Luna.
4096242 If you could point out the spelling errors to me in PM, or perhaps here on the comment section, I'd be more than glad to correct them. I did notice all of a sudden that I did not put a second 'l' in 'tranquillity' - and the spelling for 'color' was wrong.
Edit: And 'notes.'
4094383 Well I am sorry that I upset you in regards to the perceived way Celestia died, but I am also pleased.
4096358
Oh sure, I can probably read through this again later today. I kinda sped through it since I have class soon.
4096386 I muchly appreciate any help.
4100623 Thank you very much for the corrections. I have corrected all the dashes I could find in the other chapters and edited what other mistakes and awkward sentences I could find. I also got rid of the useless hyphens I had strewn everywhere! Hopefully it all reads better now, and is less cringe worth.
4114131 Thanks, I've put the source of the pic to that link.
Fantastic man, simply fantastic.
4116032 Cheers bro.
4148689 Wow. So many mistakes. This is why I ought to had someone proof read it BEFORE I fricken posted it. Terribly sorry about that. Now I feel immensely stupid. And in regards to Luna stating about political damage, she was speaking in regards to Equestrian politics, since the council just watched Twilight Sparkle kill someone.
But thanks for that. I am very embarrassed about a lot of the mistakes.
4155480 Despair = Suffering – Meaning. The title is derived from Chip Conley's work by explaining emotional states into equations. I think the D=S-M equation might had been invented by someone else, tho. Not quite sure... The variable is Meaning - make of it what you will, and the constant is Suffering.
There's many interpretations of the equation - and there is no right answer since it is just an idea on measuring despair, but for me; for this story, it fits Twilight Sparkle well. Her emotional state is a constant despair, where the suffering is so great not matter what meaning (or situations) she and others uses to negate (deal with) it, the suffering will still out weigh it all. Which is the major theme behind the story, really.
4169440 Party officially pooped. And silly spelling mistake corrected. Thanking you muchly!
Ah, Applejack, how deluded you are... Surely between intelligent and being the element of honestly you could tell a lie from the truth. How could Celestia's death be an accident?
4074194
It's between super weapons and explosives as I see it. If immortal means 'doesn't die of natural causes' then I would say that invoking super weapons is completely unnecessary.
the feels man, i can certainly confirm that this chapter is overflowing with emotion. Its like the difference between "Bisto Beef" gravy and "Bisto Best" gravy, one is simply way better than the other because its filled with rich, strong flavours... Mmmm, Bisto gravy...
i.imgur.com/EtYGH.gif
Not sure how a plea can be tomboyish :V