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H-hey, it’s me, Fluttershy. I can’t come to the phone right now, so please leave a message if you want to. O-or you could just call again. I’ll try my best to get a hold of you. BEEP.

Hey, Flutters, it’s me, Rainbow Dash. Where the heck are you? You were suppose to meet us here an hour ago! AJ’s already left, and I don’t think the others will stay much longer. Just try and hurry. I’ll be here till it closes. CLICK.

Something happened to Fluttershy, and now no one knows where she is. The cops found her bag in the park, a part of her dress, and her phone. It's all Rainbow can do to stay stable, now that the one she loved is gone, possibly forever.


Now with a wonderful reading by VisualPony.

First Published
18th Dec 2013
Last Modified
18th Dec 2013
#1 · 52w, 4d ago · · ·

The feels were great and powerful in this one my friend.

#2 · 52w, 4d ago · · ·

First story huh? You my friend have potential because this was really good, you've got yourself a follower, hope to read more from you in the future.

#3 · 52w, 4d ago · · ·

eres un grandioso escritor me encanto espero con ansias tu próximo:applejackunsure: trabajo sigue con tu grandioso trabajo

#4 · 52w, 4d ago · · ·

>>3643570>>3643601 Heh, :twilightblush: your comments have just made my night! It's great to see people actually reading my story!

#5 · 52w, 4d ago · · ·

>>3643663 Um, yeah, thanks for reading... but I don't speak Spanish. But thanks anyway!

#6 · 52w, 4d ago · · ·

Wow.. the feels... :raritydespair: Glad it had a happy-ish ending though. I want to know what happened to Fluttershy.

#7 · 52w, 4d ago · · ·

>>3643848 No you don't. It is better left a noodle indecent. A description of what happened would make this way to dark.

#8 · 52w, 4d ago · 2 · ·

Personally, I think you should do a mini story from fluttershy's perspective on what happened. Any of us who survived cupcakes,smile HD,or Rainbow Factory can handle it.Anyways, great story!:twilightsmile:

#9 · 52w, 4d ago · 2 · ·

THE FEELS ARE TO DEEP!:raritydespair:

#10 · 52w, 4d ago · 2 · ·

New writer, eh? well, a piece of advice:

If you ever kill fluttershy for real, the entire brony community will be on your ass like phiranas on a cow.

with that said, good luck, and nice work.

#11 · 52w, 4d ago · 6 · ·

>>3643967 Oh no no no no no!!! :fluttercry: I could never kill her! In fact, I originally planed to, but I couldn't write through the tears... Eight straight hours of tear soaked pages.

#12 · 52w, 4d ago · · ·

>>3643988 i sure am glad u didnt

#13 · 52w, 3d ago · · ·

Damn good for your first.

#15 · 52w, 3d ago · · ·

This Is Ah-Mazing:raritystarry::raritystarry::heart::heart:

#16 · 52w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

Whoa.... You're a new writer...? :pinkiegasp:

Holy cow! This was amazing! I had to step away from my computer for a second and just realize what was happening!

Great story, really. Keep writing and never give up, because I know you're going to go far if you keep writing like this.

#17 · 52w, 3d ago · · ·

I don't cry when I read. Ever.

You made me freaking cry. THE FEEEEEELLLZZZZ ARE SO DEEEEP

i just

its so

*likes*

*upvotes*

*follows*

#18 · 52w, 3d ago · · ·

She is alive, oh thank heavens she is alive!

This is powerful, truly. Thank you

#19 · 52w, 3d ago · · 1 ·

>>3643888

Psssh I bet it's not as bad as some of the mlp horrors such as Cupcakes, Mare do well, pages of Harmony, ect. Sadly thought the fic did not make me a little sad, however if this was Dashie than it would have been a issue with me.

#20 · 52w, 3d ago · · ·

"Wow, this fanfic was pretty great! I wonder what other stories this persoFIRST STORY ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!"

Seriously, that was really good. The pace was great, you got the emotions trough well, you let us connect with Dash not only as a part of Fluttershy's group of friends, but at the personal level too, without toning out the other characters. It's simply awesome.:yay:

#21 · 52w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3644155 i... never read stories with this few likes, but... this... manly tears were shed on this day.

#24 · 52w, 3d ago · · ·

HOLY BALLS, THIS IS GOOD. WELL DONE.

#25 · 52w, 3d ago · 3 · ·

You... You're telling me... This is.. Your... FIRST story??!!! WOW. Just, wow. I was close to tears, and I never cry at fan fics! :fluttercry: This is beautiful, congratulations!

#26 · 52w, 3d ago · 5 · ·

First fic and this pretty much rips out the feels?  Well shit.

#27 · 52w, 3d ago · · ·

That. Was so freaking gorgeous. :applecry: Just... Lovely, fantastic job, especially for a first fic! I personally have not been able to post a story quite yet, and I'm happy to see that your first fic was so good. I know I'm not the first to say this, but gosh, all of the feels. :fluttercry:

One note, though...

We stayed that for endless minutes

Did you mean that way?

#28 · 52w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3647560 Okay, thank you, It is fixed!

>>3646239 Go on, list. I got all day :ajsmug:

#29 · 52w, 3d ago · · ·

This story, no matter how short hit a very deep note with me. I know what it's like to be in this kind of situation. I just wish I could have the same happy ending. :fluttershysad:

#30 · 52w, 3d ago · · ·

SO MUCH FEEEEEEEEELLLSSS

#31 · 52w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3648274 I am sorry to here that. My :heart: goes out to you, my friend.

#32 · 52w, 3d ago · · ·

Oh man....damn... I nearly cried, following, and fav

#33 · 52w, 3d ago · · ·

It takes a lot of talent to tell a story through dialogue alone.  You, my friend, have that talent in spades. :ajsmug:

My only contention is that the ending bit seems out of place (and also wall-of-text-ish, but not illegibly so).  In a story told solely through the messages on Flutters' answering machine, that last scene in the hospital kinda comes out of nowhere and is a bit jarring.  However, I'm not sure how I would end it differently, because without that scene, the story just kinda stops.  I mean, it wouldn't make sense to conclude the story with another message on the answering machine, would it?  Hmm. :unsuresweetie:

Beyond that and a few very minor nitpicks (the cover art choice is a bit odd, seeing as I assume this is taking place in the Equestria Girls universe :duck: ), this is not half bad.  All of the emotion is successfully conveyed, and it's done so in a very unique way.  If this is your first story, then I predict great things in your future.  Hats off. :moustache:

#34 · 52w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3648658 Yeah, I feared it was a little jarring, but it was the best I could do. As for the cover, :twilightblush: I couldn't find any good Sad Human Dashie photos (that weren't... horrible to put it lightly) If you find a good one, tell me and I'll change it.

#35 · 52w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3648687 Well, you could always make a request in this group for cover art. :raritywink:

#36 · 52w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3648401

I appreciate it. Not enough people are sympathetic.

#37 · 52w, 3d ago · · ·

This story is beautiful! This didn't make me officially cry, but my eyes are slightly wetter than before, so if this story was just a little bit longer I bet I would've cried. For a first story this is great! Also, doesn't this need the romance tag?

#38 · 52w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3649239 I wasn't sure if it needed that tag, because it really doesn't feel like a romance. A romance is where one character woos another throughout the entire story. But that is not the case with this, for Fluttershy needed no real wooing, and was missing the majority of the story. :twilightsheepish: Heh, I might be thinking to much into it.

#39 · 52w, 3d ago · · ·

Cannot. Resist. MANLY TEARS! :fluttercry: ES MAGNIFICO! Let's see some more!:raritystarry:

#40 · 52w, 2d ago · · ·

Im not crying.... Its... Its liquid pride :raritydespair:

#41 · 52w, 2d ago · · ·

Truly not bad for your first story. It's nice and simple, a short lil' one shot, which is a lot better than trying to keep up with a chapter story on your first try. I'm a living example of that. :unsuresweetie:

I really enjoyed it, though I do have a few nitpicky things to say, as I always do. You were a little heavy on the stuttering, and all those dashes and semicolons can really cloud up a story with repetition. It's something that gets better as you go, but you'll be able to notice your little trip-ups like that in the future. :twilightsmile: Another little nitpick, as it seems to be my duty now, the relationship between Rainbow and Flutters felt a little rushed. Maybe if we got to see more in that hospital scene how they attached. But on the other hand, that would make the story longer, and one of the attractions of a story like this is that it's simple and short. So it's really your choice on that one, all depends on what you wanna write. Go nuts, man! :trollestia:

Anyway, don't listen to my little buggings. This is a lot better than my first fic was, and doesn't have any major grammar problems and is truly captivating by your first glance at it on the front page, which is more than most writers on here can say. It's just a great first story! Keep working, and you'll get even better at it. I'll be watching you in the meantime. :twilightsheepish:

#43 · 52w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

Was expecting the ending to be a lot worse, kind of bitter sweet ending to it.

Have to agree with the others who have said you made a lot out of just dialogue alone, and you deserve kudos for this, especially as your first fic.

Good job, hope to see more from you! :twilightsmile:

Addendum: Actually, I agree that you don't need to go into what had happened… what Fluttershy went though. It's not necessary, really. We can infer what happened well enough that you don't have to go through what trauma Flutters went through. I hope you don't, as I feel it would detract from this story.

#44 · 52w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

That is a very beautiful story.

MnM
#45 · 52w, 2d ago · · 6 ·

Fluttershy doesn't stutter.

-Will

#46 · 52w, 2d ago · 4 · ·

It's hard to explain how, but your way of telling the story through dialogue only made all the feels much more real for me. I could feel the gravity of the whole awful situation. It's was a good move not describing what Flutter went through, since using my imagination only put me in the same worried state as Rainbow.

The ending was realistically  bittersweet, since the whole group was devastated from this, and it's going to take a long time to recover. But as long as they stay strong through friendship and love, they can heal...

Look at what your making me say, all this sentimental bullcrap. IMMA MAN DAMMIT! :fluttercry:

Thank you for the unexpectedly good read and I'm looking forward to more of your work.

#47 · 52w, 2d ago · · ·

That was nice. I enjoyed it. Short and sweet.

#48 · 52w, 2d ago · · ·

>>3643888 If I had to guess, it probably would be something similar to what happened to Rainbow Dash in Technicolor Dom-in-8-ion

#49 · 52w, 2d ago · · ·

Wow... that was, honestly, very enjoyable. Good job!

#50 · 52w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

Damn, that story reminds me of Batman Arkham City, when you listen all the calls sent by the Joker. :fluttershysad:

Excellent first story bro, I expect more from you :coolphoto:

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