Why didn’t I just stop reading? Oh, right, because I’m a glutton for punishment.
That describes most of the book. Most of the series, actually.
Aro and Caius, another one of the Volturi, discuss Nessie, and Bella overhears. Aro is adamant that Nessie isn’t an immortal child and the Cullens don’t deserve to die for that. Then Caius brings up the werewolves:
More and more vamps start hanging out at the Cullens’. Naturally, they need to hunt humans. Jacob’s miffed at the killing, but he shuts up for Nessie’s sake. In the space of three sentences. Really:
Before Charlie leaves, he and Bella briefly talk about how much to tell Renee. They decide no more than is necessary; Charlie says he’ll think of something. He asks to hold Nessie for a moment, and… Ugh, this is creepy:
I could see it in his face — I could watch it growing there. (I know, you just said it.) Charlie was just as helpless against her magic as the rest of us. Two seconds in his arms, and already she owned him.
Edward keeps Bella busy on the island for days, with things like snorkeling and hiking and birdwatching, and she’s tired a lot. One night, Bella suggests waiting a little more for her to be turned; she wants to try out Dartmouth a bit, stay human for longer than she’d expected. Why? So she and Edward can bang some more. Hate hate hate.
Some authors just don’t grasp the concept of “unedited”.
It’s morning. Jacob and Seth have been patrolling off and on throughout the night, one of them sleeping while the other runs. Jacob’s wrenched from his fitful sleep by Seth’s howling; Leah’s also joined their pack. For some reason, Jacob and Seth both act like this is a bad thing.
We don’t get to see Bella and Jacob throw down, which might’ve been impressive. We don’t even get to see them get pulled apart. We cut to after the incident, where Edward and Seth have already intervened and stopped Bella, although Bella broke Seth’s arm. Edward praises her for keeping control over herself for as long as she did. Shut up with the amazing control part. I don’t care if it’s true, I’m tired of hearing it. Bella tries to calm herself down from her spat by thinking over some
Bella’s and Edward’s honeymoon takes them to Brazil; specifically, Rio de Janeiro. They head to the ocean docks on the western edge of the city. The ocean on the western edge of a city in Brazil. Really:
The taxi continued through the swarming crowds until they thinned somewhat, and we appeared to be nearing the extreme western edge of the city, heading into the ocean.
SPOILER WARNING!!
So, after watching the latest episode of stranger than fan fiction, and boy does it really capture the convention experiences and kinda pokes fun at fandoms. Not in a bad way, cause let's face it everything in this episode about us in the fandoms IS true. 
All in all it was a thrill to watch.
Over crowded halls. Check.
So. Last book. Here we go.
Clinginess Meter: 0
I hate hate hate hate hate these prefaces. How not to do prologues. Skipping.
The moment Bella wakes up, she realizes she can everything much more clearly than she could as a human. Everything’s sharply-defined and she can notice things that were too small before. It’s an interesting idea, but like many interesting ideas in this series, it’s botched. Like in this description:
Today's Being a Better Writer post is brought you from my site! The complete experience!
Today is Pioneer Day in the state I live in, a day when everyone celebrates the forward-looking, pioneer spirit of the old west that sent so many explorers forth. And I thought "You know, I can make a Being a Better Writer post out of that."
As Bella and Edward drive home from Port Angeles, they begin discussing Edward’s mind-reading. Bella brings up why he can’t hear her thoughts, and Edward admits he doesn’t know.
”The only guess I have is that maybe your mind doesn’t work the same way the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I’m only getting FM.”
Bella and Edward share some weak lovey-dovey flirting in biology class. It seems like the teacher had the class watch a movie just so Bella and Edward wouldn’t be interrupted while gazing into each others’ eyes. When school’s done, they leave to see a bunch of people clustered around Rosalie’s car, proving once again that people trying to hide out shouldn’t be driving flashy cars, you idiots.
“What kind of car is that?” I asked.
“An M3.”
Billy and Jacob are supposedly at Bella’s house to watch a game on TV with Charlie, since their own TV is broken (although Jacob’s partly there because Billy can’t drive; he’s confined to a wheelchair). During the visit, Bella’s constantly afraid that Billy will tell Charlie about Edward, but he doesn’t. Jacob flirts slightly with Bella, and they leave once the game’s over. That was a whole lot of nothing.
Let it be known that I’m not a big fan of vampires. I don’t hate them, they’re just sort of “meh” to me. And since I don’t care about them, I don’t mind changes to the formula all that much as long as they don’t stray too far from the base. If they don’t drink blood, for example, they better depend on something else. Emotions? Yeah, emotion-eating vampires are fine.
That being said, there’s no way to make sparkling vampires not stupid.
When Bella wakes up, she discovers that Edward stayed all night to watch her sleep, which totally isn’t creepy in the slightest. During breakfast, he proposes that she meet his family. What with the different vampire powers, they already know about the two of them already, so it’s just a matter of time. Edward also mentions that Bella should introduce him to Charlie. Because Bella is a terrible, terrible person, she doesn’t want to. Not for any real reason, just ’cause. And:
Alice’s visitors arrive: three other vampires named Laurent, James, and Victoria. They exchange pleasantries with the Cullens, having not had any vampiric company in quite a while. Carlisle invites them to the Cullens’ home, and this happens:
Good thing I’ve got a strong Bullshit Sensor (or so I hope…).
The hunt begins with a halfway-decent character scene where Bella’s nervous about jumping out the second-story window even though she knows she’s indestructible now. But then it’s ruined when she tries it and does it perfectly.
“That was quite graceful — even for a vampire.”
BECAUSE WE CAN’T INCONVENIENCE OUR PROTAGONIST. NO. SIR.
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