Okay. I've tried to combine two things at once with this OC: the maxim 'write what you know' (I know a lot about the military), and an alicorn OC that doesn't suck despite retaining several traits that often cause instant Sue-ism. It's ambitious and incredibly easy to screw up, so I'm always a little nervous whenever I start developing plots for him. Getting some outside opinions would probably help me, because I'm kinda worried about this guy. Nothing's been published yet, so there's room to re-work him a bit if necessary.

Name: Gallant Charger

Appearance: Sandy-brown stallion, lesser alicorn*. Mane and tail both cut short and a little ragged, a few shades lighter than black. Golden-brown eyes. CM is a blue shield overlaid on two crossed swords.

Backstory: Third child** to queen Cherryblossom of Westfold***. Gallant found the military appealing from an early age. He entered into the Academy at age eighteen, and consistently held a position in the top fifteen percent of his classes. He graduated into Westfold's Royal Navy (Fleet Air Arm) as a midshipmare. He spent his early career with the Longshore Flight (coastal air patrols). He also served as a 'warlock hunter', tasked with stopping magical criminals with a small team. He reached the rank of Lieutenant Commander at the age of twenty-six and was granted his first command. Eventually selected as candidate for Westfold SAS 'Sabres', he was transferred and promoted to Commander, and later to Captain after multiple successful operations. During this part of his life he became engaged, but it didn't work out. Selected for high command at the age of fifty-seven, he was rotated into the Westfold Royal Guard**** for two mandatory years as Colonel. Following this, he spent three years as Second before incumbent Commander of Westfold***** retired and Gallant was promoted accordingly. He's held this position for six years. He is currently sixty-seven years of age.

Personality: He's generally not very outgoing, but he knows how to motivate ponies (either individually or when addressing crowds). He doesn't volunteer personal information easily. He is comfortable leading others, hiding any insecurities behind a jovial façade. He never lets those he leads see his fears, exhaustion, pain or emotional issues, instead only showing them confidence and a stable leader. But this means he spends long stretches of his time isolated from others, even when they think they're his closest friends, and means he shuts others out from helping with any problems he faces. He is self-reliant and very skilled, but he has let this get to his head over the years. He is very arrogant, though he may or may not show it, and very self-centred. He often tries to take on every problem himself, telling himself it's 'all his responsibility'. He is also dependant on others for emotional stability; if anyone he sees himself as responsible for is harmed or if he fails at something, he blames himself (again, because he's the one 'ultimately responsible') and becomes very unstable. He also has a berserk button; if any child is placed in harm's way, all bets are off.
He's very difficult to get to know (in fact, there are exactly six ponies he will drop his 'mask' around), but if someone makes the short list he'll move hay and high water for them. He is actually fairly cheerful and a decent guy to know, but he's been trying to set a good example for so long he's forgotten how not to.

Abilities: His special talent is 'defence', a fairly broad-ranging field. It manifests as a very short learning curve for any skills in that area. He is very skilled with his weapons of choice, having had sixty years to practice. He's also a moderately powerful combat mage and has a working base of magical theory, but he lacks the pure power of Shining Armor or the mastery of Twilight. He earned his cutie mark when he saw a colt being bullied in an alleyway and intervened, casting a full 'shimmering shield' spell when threatened. Like all members of his family he was trained in active leadership (decisiveness, fairness, inspiration of others, public speaking) and diplomacy (tact, masked emotion, controlled reaction, finding others' hidden motives) from a relatively young age, all skills which have served him well as an officer. He is in prime physical condition, but he's not a super-strong titan or anything.

Relationships (canon characters): I have one or two fics planned where he interacts with the Mane Six, but the relationship is not 'friend'. It's more 'acquaintance', or possibly 'ally'. His real canon connection is an intergenerational friendship with the CMC, especially Scootaloo. Even then, he mostly works either in Westfold or abroad (which lets me do some juicy, juicy worldbuilding). Finally, he's known to Celestia and Luna, but they've never really met outside official functions.

Relationships (OCs): This is most of my cast, so I'll trim it down to the important or recurring characters.
- Major Rapid Burn, Westfold Royal Guard: Gallant's fiancée. A pyromancer and (currently-)single parent. The two originally met during Gallant's two years as colonel in the Guard, but broke it off when he became Commander. They met again and rekindled the relationship. They've been going steady for around three years now. Her filly, Pilot Light (nicknamed Firefly), takes after her a lot.
- Firstprincess Royal Grace: Gallant's older sister. By the end of Gallant's first fic, she will have risen to become queen. Where Gallant went into the military, she went to university. She has a doctorate in political science, majors in magical theory and psychology and some medical training. She has also spent a large part of her life working for Westfold's diplomatic service. She is the sibling Gallant feels closest to.
- Secondprince Stone Thrower: Gallant's older brother. Works as a master craftspony, trained as both a smith and a mason. Gallant's most treasured possession is a hoof-and-a-half sword Stone gave him when he graduated the Academy, which also served as Stone's masterwork. However, the two are not as close as Stone would like, and he spends most of his time wrangling Fourthprince Wild Card's antics.
- Mint Tulip: Minty is officially Royal Grace's hoofmaiden, but in practice she is the head of the entire staff of Westfold's royal palace (all six of them) and a close confidant of the royal family. She is a friend to both Gallant and Grace, often acting as a sounding board and advisor for important decisions. They usually find her irreverent conversation a breath of fresh air.
- Major Silver Bolt: Originally a friend from the Academy, Bolt is a crossbowmare who transferred to the Equestrian royal guard. Despite their loyalty belonging to different nations, the two have remained pen pals and friends. She is his first port of call when he needs help from the Equestrian side of the border.
- Black Cloak: the current Commissioner of Westfold Intelligence, Cloak and Gallant have been working together since his SAS days. However, it's teeth-clenched teamwork at best, mostly because Cloak is ruthless and cynical. Cloak will destabilise Westfold's allies if it advances his own plans. He's the token evil teammate of the Westfold military high command.

Social Life: When he's not on a mission he has an entire military to run. He spends a lot of his 'free time' doing paperwork. He also has to keep his skills sharp, which takes a fair amount of time in sparring, practice and magical exercises. When he manages to steal some actual downtime, he reads a lot. If he isn't doing that, he works on small projects (tactical simulations or the like). If someone invites him, he'll play board games or join in sport, but won't take the initiative. He'll also seize any opportunity to see Rapid Burn off-duty, but their duty cycles rarely match up when they're in the same city.

Character role: He's supposed to be a deuteragonist for his introductory fic, which is told from the canon characters' perspectives, but if it's popular enough I'll follow it up with some fics with him as a main character (especially regarding his backstory).

Notes:
*Lesser Alicorn: A rare breed of pony, a lesser alicorn is born when a foal has equal genetic ancestry from all three breeds (there's some random chance and some natural magic involved, too). They have both wings and a horn, but lack the super-equine power, stature or capabilities of a High Alicorn or an Ascension. Lesser alicornism in inherited, but there is some leeway (courtesy of the magical element). The most well-known lesser alicorn line is the Westfold Royal Family, tracing their line to Earl Grey the First. Lesser alicorns live approximately three hundred years, spending the majority of their lives in their physical prime.
**Thirdprince: Westfold is an elective monarchy (the Triumvirate choose the monarch). The line of succession get 'first dibs', because of their upbringing and training, but any citizen may apply for consideration and any applicant must be a 'worthy citizen' (i.e. an academic will need a certain level of degree, a soldier will need a certain rank, a tradesmare has to submit a masterwork to a guild, et cetera), including the royal family. The monarch's children are titled with a number indicating their place in the line of succession, i.e. Firstprincess, Secondprince, Thirdprince, et cetera. Unlike other nations, simply being a prince/ss is not a noble title and confers no power whatsoever, being superseded by any job title.
***Westfold: the Kingdom of Westfold is an independent nation on Equestria's west coast, founded around 1300 years before the show by those fed up with Canterlot's sycophantic, self-important, backstabbing and ineffectual nobles. They have no nobles, instead using a system of mayors to bring issues to the monarch's attention directly.
****Royal Guard: Westfold's Royal Guard is a separate service branch to the Army, Navy or Air Force, and they cherry-pick candidates from other service academies. They run Westfold's defences and bases, perform small-scale combined arms ops and operate the Gendarmerie (military-run police force).
*****Commander of Westfold: the highest ranking soldier in Westfold and a member of the Triumvirate. Selected by the chiefs of staff (the five-star general officers from the army, navy, air force and royal guard, plus the Commissioner of Westfold Intelligence), the Commander technically holds viceroyal diplomatic status and the military authority of (in human terms) a six-star general.

Sorry if I went overboard on description. I hope I did...alright with Gallant's development, but I can't escape the nagging feeling I'm missing some blindingly obvious Sue traits that need pruning. If anyone wants more information, drop me a comment. I might run some of the other OCs through here some time, if the advice is good.

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1. Terra Lionmane
2.
2.1. Gender male
2.2. Race Earth pony
3. Backstory.
Terra's father was a Pegasus/batpony knight in Luna's royal guard, his name was "Midnight Shield". His mother was an Earth Pony working in Celestia's guard, her name was "Armored Blaze".

Wanting to someday become a knight just like his parents Terra trained everyday after school. However due to a terrible accident his dreams were temporarily crushed. During training he broke some of his bones.

It was at that time that he discovered the unending determination he had within him. Ignoring all voices of reason, and pessimism he did not give up his dream of becoming a knight. Luckily he found someone who was willing to support him in his attempts... his uncle Solid Gear. In exchange for his work, his uncle who was an engineer offered to pay for the materials needed to make an armor fit for a royal guard with the only rule that he would make it himself.

While Solid Gear supported his dream of becoming a knight, he also wanted to support his general education so together with his parents he offered to pay for his studies.

Studying however was not foreign to Terra. Past the things he learned at school, he studied all by himself about the great Generals and Knights of Equestria. He dreamed each day of the greatness of the future and hoped to one day become leader of the royal guard.

During the night he worked the anvil at his uncle's engineering shop, and the day he exercised enhancing his strength by each passing day.

Depending on the roleplay or story he may end up being a smithy, a royal guard, or a bodyguard.

Terra recently acquired a phoenix... Fenix.

He was returning from a delivery for his uncle and he happened to be crossing a forest near Baltimare. There he encountered a ruined nest under which lay a phoenix egg. Inspecting the nest Terra realized that the phoenix's parents were possibly hunted and killed by larger dragons. Dragons love phoenix eggs and hunt them as trophies or for their spicy taste, they consider them a delicacy...

Knowing that Terra could not leave the egg on it's own. With the help of his friend the unicorn known as Selune Darkeye Terra managed to raise the phoenix hatching properly. The newly hatched phoenix looked at Terra and seeing the colors of his mane the little one saw in them the colors of a phoenix... therefore imprinting over time to Terra and viewing him as a father.

Fenix is extremely loyal to Terra, although growing he understood that he is not his father. When he hears his master whistling he swoops down launching his fiery feathers against his enemies, blinding them with his brilliance, or irritating them by pecking their weak spots. So long as his ashes do not get scattered Fenix will live as long as he feels the spirit of his master lives. He will help his allies and strike his enemies.
4. Personality. Terra is a Knight to the core. Valuing honor and duty above all he has the tenacity that other ponies would be jealous of. Even when in love he will still act like a "Knight in Shining Armor" for his pair. He is always punctual, and values his friends greatly.

Likes:Friends (obvious), Loyalty, Charity, Compassion, Chivalry, Medieval Novels (Especially if they involve Knights), Bananas, Oranges.

Dislikes:Pretenders, Betrayers, Smartasses, Tyrants, Liars, Dissapointing friends, Failing to keep promises.

Your personality type: ESTJ (assertive variant)
Strength of individual traits: Extraverted: 27%, Observant: 22%, Thinking: 12%, Judging: 67%, Assertive: 40%.
http://www.16personalities.com/estj-personality
5. Special abilities, especially what they do for a living from their cutie mark. He is a very good close-quarters combat fighter using a hammer holding it on his hooves or hoof-fists in lion shape. He is a also a very good smith having forged his own armor. He often uses that art to do copper drawings.
Moveset and Traits

Vigorous Roar:Terra roars like a lion boosting the courage and strength of all allies who hear it, and demoralizing enemies.

Restless:His body requires half the sleep normal ponies do which makes him a perfect candidate for night-shifts.

High jump:Hating the arrogance of the flying creatures Terra learned this move to "Bring their heads out of their clouds". Depending on his focus he can jump 4-5 meters high. This move can be used in combination with others.

Tap the Earth:As an Earth Pony his mother always taught him to "listen to the earth" by tapping it. With this ability Terra taps a surface and is able to get a rough idea of what he cannot see. (e.g. People, objects e.t.c) However this ability only has a medium level of detail.

Stomp:Terra stomps the Earth with strength attempting to knock creatures off their balance within a 3 meter radius. If used with High Jump it results in Thundering Stomp which has double the efficiency. This can be used on a target as well resulting in Body Stomp. Effectiveness of the later depends on whether or if the target wears any kind of armor and the armor's efficiency.

Headbutt:Terra heabutts his enemies. However this results in him being dizzy for a few seconds after doing so. If used withHigh Jump it results in Skydive doubling the efficiency and the dizziness duration.
6. Relations with canon characters. Relations? Eeer they are friends with Shining Armor as they used to be the same rank before Shining became a Captain. Shining shared that feeling with many others but when Shining ascended to the rank of captain, Terra didn’t feel jealous: he knew he was more capable than him, he knew that there were few chances for an earth pony like Terra to be accepted. For that Shining Armor was grateful.
7. Relations with other OC's, He is good friend of my main OC Selune Darkeye.
8. Social life. Terra may spend his time comforting his friends, or crafting paintings out of copper. He also likes reading knightly novels or spending time with children at the local orphanage.
9. How they will be placed in their story. One of the main characters including other OCs I have.
10. Any extra notes you want us to know. Should I make a new form for Selune or the other 3 OCs I have? Total 5.

Howdy everypony! Here's my OC, used in One Last Mission. (Please read it.)

1. Show Stopper

2. Show is a unicorn stallion with a coffee brown coat and a black mane and tail. The mane is rather long for a stallion, with spiky bangs covering the top half of his brilliantly sky blue eyes. His tail is rather short. His cutie mark is a stage with the red curtain raised halfway. He most often wears a black vest and a black cape that reaches back to cover the base of his tail. He also wears a gray pauper's cap.

3. Show was born and raised in Trottingham. It was there that he got his cutie mark under... unusual circumstances. A friend of his wanted to get out of class for the day and asked for Show to cover for her. That's right, he pretended to be a mare all day. With no magic used, he crafted a disguise using heavy amounts of make-up and spent the day pretending to be his friend. He got so into character, that when he went "home", he was momentarily surprised to see his friend there, having forgotten that he was Show Stopper, and not his friend. After a shower to wash the make-up off, he discovered that his cutie mark had appeared, showing his talent for truly becoming other characters. He spent most of his adult life moving from place to place, developing his skills as an actor. When he had reached the point where he was performing for the princesses and had no more to learn from ponies, he sought out the changelings in their home kingdom. He spent almost four years with them, learning their magic and combining it with his own. Hearing that civil war had broken out in Equestria, he returned home to aid in the effort against the rebellious unicorn group calling themselves "Utopia". He spent a year in training before going deep behind enemy lines as a spy. Six years later, after a failed assassination attempt on one of the Utopian Generals, he returned to Equestria just in time for the Mane Six to reappear. He now is their guide outside of Equestria, which you can read about in my story, One Last Mission.

4. Show is driven and funny, but he doesn't have much self-confidence. He'll often put on a mask of arrogance, the mask of "Show Stopper, the Greatest Thespian the World has Ever Known!", but under the mask he doubts himself whenever he is off of the stage. He has a hard time letting ponies see behind his mask, but when he does, he forms friendships that last him his entire lifetime. He's a little proud. It's easy for him to see when he makes mistakes, but hard for him to admit it to others. Most of the time he'll just keep up his mask while silently berating himself.

5. As an actor, Show specializes in illusion and transmutation magic. Having studied with the changelings, he has incorporated their magic into his repeteur. His greatest accomplishment is a spell that gives him the form, powers and memories of those he imitates. However, this spell has limits. He must have observed his target for a long time and recently, his personal magical power level doesn't increase, and the memories fade after he releases the form. In other words, he could transform into Twilight Sparkle and then use all of the same spells as her, but he wouldn't be nearly as powerful and he would forget how to cast all of those spells, even the ones that he had cast while shifted, once he changed back.

6. Show gets along all right with the mane six. He banters a lot with Dash and AJ, and likes to talk spell theory with Twilight. He finds Pinkie to be unbearably annoying, however, and he has no interest in fashion. He has no real opinion of Fluttershy, good or bad. Although he is ten or so years older than her, he is in love with Scootaloo, a fact that he keeps hidden from her. He is great friends with all of the Crusaders, having helped them out of many a tricky situation. He's on good personal terms with Celestia and Cadence, and is good friends with Luna. in fact, he was in love with her until he confessed and she shot him down. Thankfully, this only served to strengthen their friendship. He highly respects Pip Squeak, the Equestrian Spymaster. In fact, Pip is the only superior officer that he openly respects.

7. Show keeps in contact with his family and foalhood friends through letters. His best friends, however, are among the changelings. Specifically, a mare named Flee and her family (husband and three children, boy, girl, girl). He takes off his mask entirely around them (they could always see through it anyway) and he is considered to be part of the family. In fact, the youngest calls him, "Uncle Show", much to his chagrin. It makes him feel old.

8. The stage is his life! When he's not practicing on stage or in his home, he's reading. Sometimes it's plays, but most of the time it's adventure or romance novels, which he thinks about how he could turn into stage performances. He also spends a good amount of time researching magic, always trying to find more realistic illusions and more powerful transmutations. When with friends, he likes playing chess or other mentally stimulating games. Failing that, you can find them playing city-wide games of tag, usually involving the destruction of a market stall or two.

9. In One Last Mission, Show acts as a Main Character, leading the mane six outside of Equestria. He stands in the spotlight a bit to start off, but backs off once they get out of changeling territory. From there he is more of an adviser than leader until they start on their way back home and into familiar territory.

10. Yes, this is a sort of self-insert. I tried to craft him as I would be if I were a pony, except that my acting ability isn't quite as good as his. Show Stopper has a dark side. It doesn't manifest in increased power or a physical transformation, but it's scary nevertheless. When the situation is grave or he's exceptionally angry or scared, he becomes cold and hard. He becomes far more violent and threatening, and one can practically see death in his eyes.As I said, his power doesn't increase, but he's learned a lot of combat magic and his morals tent to go out the door when he gets like this. Most of those he faces while in this state either overpower/escape from him, fight him to a stand-still, or are begging for him to just kill them by the time he's through with them. Very few are able to reach him when he snaps, Flee, Luna and Scootaloo being the main three. He is often filled with remorse afterwards, though there have been times when he's looked over what he's done with an air of, "they deserved it". His dark side doesn't come out often (it pretty much takes threatening his live/his friends' lives, torturing those he cares about, or harming foals), but it's always memorable.

Well, that's Show Stopper. Please let me know what you think of him, and give One Last Mission a read, like, and comment. Thanks!

This OC is my namesake/ponysona/main OC, but I don't know if she's any good.

1. Melody Wind (Windy)
2. She has a magenta and red Rainbow Dash-shaped mane (but slightly longer), a golden-mango coat, forest green and lime green eyes, and, GET THIS, no cutie mark. She is fourteen, 5 years older than the CMC. Her tail is also Rainbow Dash style. Her wings are, while pretty enough (headcanon: the different races' beauty is judged by their specific ability, [pegasus=wings, unicorn=horn, earth pony=hooves and ears] among unique traits like mane and color), flimsy to fly on thanks to large silky feathers.
3. A perfectly normal pony. Or so it seems: the only big things are that her dad died in a mine and her older sister dissapeared years ago.
4. Passive aggressive, short temper, unsure of self
5. Right now she just lives at home.
6. Very little relation with canon characters, but her friends are descendants and she is a distant relative of Twilight Sparkle.
7. Leader of OC group.
8. Main character.
9. Studies, cooks, flies, sings.
10. Corrupted part of a time loop.

3737940
Not gonna say much about this one, except for the fact that if Celestia wants him to be more controlled, she could personally teach him. She's an Alicorn for gods' sake!

Um I have an OC, with a personality, backstory and the like, if you'd like to hear about him. Let me know.

I have no clue if I am necroposting (since the last post was over 3 months ago) but here it goes.

1. Golden Horn
2. Much as her name would imply, she has a predominantly golden to orange-yellow color scheme, with her body being wreathed in the aurulent shades. Her hair flat and dull from many sleepless nights laboring over a project.

2.1. Unicorn
3. Backstory. Golden Horn was born to the Nouveau Riche couple of Golden Leaf and Gentle Breeze, she was pushed into understanding more about magical theory, the practical and theoretical, from a young age. And while it was slow at first, when she blossomed, she did come out far ahead of her peers. So in an attempt to further her parents respect from the other Canterlot Elite, she was pushed into Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, where she grew to the top as well. Aside from one student who rarely descended from her ivory tower by the name of Twilight Sparkle, she was at the top of all the classes. But her parents were still dissatisfied with her none the less.

Try as she might to make friends, she never had the time to forge actual bonds, so in lieu of actual companionship she pored herself into experiments, such as a renewable source of magic and a means of using magic to keep things alive even when they naturally would have died.

4. Personality. As a student having lived much of her life cut off from the family fortune, she learned to simulate the family flair for the dramatic at a young age, tending towards exclusion and secrecy after she decided that she wasn't going to be able to make friends AND excel in her studies at the same time.

However, on an adventure you can't lock yourself away while traveling. So instead she spends the day at least trying to open up to the ponies she is traveling with, and by night extremely hostile to any of them wandering into her tent while she is conducting fragile research.

5. Special abilities. An advanced grasp over the forces that dictate magic, and a well above average ability to cast said spells.

6. Relations with canon characters. Little to none, other than being further separated emotionally from her parents by the large gap in both grades and ability between her and Twilight, and her deep rooted animosity towards her that she doesn't even realize is there

7. Relations with other OC's: as explained below, poor to dead on arrival, the only one who she even has any kind of connection to is Silver Hooves who is giving her a remedial course in combat magic to make up for the total lack of self defense courses in her transcript.

8. Social life. Virtually non-existent, she locks herself in her dorm at all hours of the day, conducting research in the earliest phases of a magical life after the death of the body. And even after the story starts she is with a band of trained soldiers, most of whom don't even want her there except for a rule implemented over 50 years ago about the presence of an Academy trained unicorn on all military endeavors.

9. How they will be placed in their story. Side Main Protagonist (along with Silver Hooves)

10. As minor as it is, in the fic magic is just an application of mana, which is the fundamental energy force that is more important to life than mana, which is why she is even breaking typical taboo against experimentation on corpses by attempting to keep things (presently just flowers) at a scientifically living state.

4504414

Haha well I'll give you my personal opinion on your character though I'm still relatively new to fimfiction and writing.

I like the distance that you created between Twilight and Golden Horn. Twilight being that unachievable standard is very believable and it's cool to see a character develop a sort inferiority complex over it.

While browsing through the OC's here though, I felt like a lot of them used anti-social, or doesn't have a lot of friends, as a key trait. People can through life in isolation, it's just really hard. Even Twilight wasn't totally alone; she had Spike there with her. If it wasn't for Spike, I'd suspect she'd be totally bonkers as he is often her voice of reason. I'm not saying to make a Spike for your character but keep it in mind. But hey, you may already have factored all that in.
In any case, I like your character. Bravo.

1. Spot Mark

2. A forest green pony with lithe, if slightly stocky, build and a slightly grey-green short unkempt mane.

2.1. Male
2.2. Earth Pony

3. Mark Spot is a stallion born in an obscure swamp town near the border of Equestria. His mother died from birth, and though his father still cares for him, their relationships are strained because of his father's lack of time for him(Jobs), and inability to really raise a son. That said, his father still tries to do good for him.

His foalhood were filled with him playing around with other foals, though he never really connected with them, and he would more often play around the swamps, and in the forest nearby; playing hide and seek with swamp creatures alike. It was how he received his Cutie Mark, a red X mark on his flanks.

One day, as he hit adulthood, he decided to leave the town to Canterlot to join the Royal Guard, parting with his father on a slight warming term. He still send letters to him every once in a while. Enlisting the guards weren't easy as an Earth Pony, but he managed, slowly climbing ranks after ranks until he's placed comfortably as Shining Armor's right hoof stallion and as his best friend.

4. If there's one word to describe Spot Mark, it would be wild. From his shameless attitude to daredevil-like behaviour. That said, he still place duty before all. If he's told to stop doing stupid stuffs like that from his superiors, then he would stop. Other than that, he's loyal. Especially to his friend(s), though he is rather selective on his friends. He doesn't take being betrayed pretty well.

5. As by the X mark spot on his flank, his special ability is to track or search stuffs. From hunting a running criminal, to chasing a missing cat/pony.

6. Shining Armor: At first, Spot's relationship with Shining wasn't good in any kind. Shining found Spot to be too 'unprofessional' and Spot found him too 'generic'. It was after a patrol gone wrong, wherein they were trapped in a house-rubble did their friendhsip blossomed. Since then, they were always together, becoming partner in Crime, or in this case, in Justice.

Twilight Sparkle: The relationship between Spot with Twilight could be described like that cool uncle and his niece. Introduced by Shining, Spot would tell Twilight stories about his misadventures with her brother or play around with her, or babysit her when Cadance is busy with other stuffs(like a date with Shining).

Cadance: Their relationship is amicable. Friends and all that stuffs. They would greet and smile at each other, laugh at jokes. Though sometimes, when Cadance is with Shining, Spot would feel like the third well; rather uncomfortable, that. But sometimes, it would be Cadance who feels like the third wheel when Spot is with Shining.

Celestia: It's not as much as a relationship as Spot is rather reverant of Celestia like all ponies do. He would sometime talk to her, stuttering, when he's in the job, or babysitting Twilight. This becomes rather often as Spot and Shining climbed through ranks after ranks, much to Celestia's amusement.

7. Green Swamp: Spot's father. Their relationships are strained at first, but they're beginning to mend as Green's burden of raising and feeding his son is lessened, and improving as Spot and Green would send letters for each other. Getting to know the real each other.

Others ensigns/ponies below his ranks: It's pretty amicable. Though Spot never thought of them as friends, and more of a fellow workers. That said, the recruits and those below him saw him as a pretty relaxed leader, if a bit eccentric.

8. When he's not patrolling or being posted with Shining to other parts of Equestria, he would write letters, hang out with Shining and Cadance, babysit Twilight, and having the (un)lucky chance to meet Celestia. When he receives a vacation, he would spend it back on his town, playing with swamp creatures like old time, and linking with his father.

9. He's going to be the main character of the story, alongside with Shining as they climb through ranks, and keep the peace in Equestria.

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Thanks, and yeah, I was thinking about the effect of that and the lack of any real voice of reason is a huge influence on her tackling taboo subjects (in the example given gateway necromancy) but you have no idea the weight that took off my chest.

4507362
Just a few things to point out:
1. Spot Mark's talent is finding things, so wouldn't that make him more useful 'in the field' as it were than in a commanding position,
2. You describe Mark as being Shining's right hoof pony, but that doesn't make sense as you go on to describe they become friends as grunts then rise the ranks

Other than that I have no qualms about your character.

4507661
Yeah, wrong wordings. By 'right hoof stallion', it would make Spot most trusted officer. I suppose, I should've written 'partner' instead of 'right hoof stallion', but you get the idea.

1. Spot Mark's talent is finding things, so wouldn't that make him more useful 'in the field' as it were than in a commanding position,

Beurocracy and all that jazz.

1. Brass Dial

2. Think profile pic but with a screwdriver and smaller brass and copper gears

2.1. Male

2.2. Earth Pony/Alicorn/human/Cthulhu

3. Absent mother, mean drunk father who worked for the Guard and saw some shtuff, and was bitter about mother. Brass had to often sit alone in room or in a corner as his father was often boozing and violent. He also learned never to speak until spoken to, that it is best to avoid any confrontation, and how to retreat to his mind.Kept on a short leash, not able to go out with friends or anyone until his Father got help when Brass in highschool. By then everybody in his school thought he was a freak because he never talked or 'hung out', so when he, with encouragement from his father, tried to find friends he was severely rejected, furthering his antisocial nature. After a civil argument where Brass' father raised his voice and saw Brass flinch, he took his own life because he thought his son would be better off without him.

4. Social introvert in every sense of the word. Never goes out of his way to talk to people, sometimes actively avoiding it. Has a stoic façade that he wears to mask what he is thinking and feeling. Emotional damage and trouble forming relationships and also has trouble comprehending where others are coming from. inherent social conservative as well(a simple hug or arm touch is indecent for public view)

5. When he was young father drunkenly threw a bottle at brass but missed and hit an antique handmaid grandfather clock. Brass was blamed and sent to bed for the rest of the day(it was just early afternoon). When his father was passed out, Brass snuck out and found a hammer and other basic tools upon which he repaired the bend axles and pinion rods in the clock. That is how he got his cutiemark. That is also his job

6. none so far *developing*

7. few aside from buisness, has a kind of special somepony who really just wants for brass to find friends and get past troubles, but he sees it as the most intimate relationship he has ever had.

8. Conspiracies with clocks, and short two minute conversations when his services are employed. and aforementioned special somepony

9. supporting character

10. Despite his truly awful first decade of upbringing, he considers himself fortunate that he had a place to lay his head and almost always had food to eat, and he still loves his father despite everything and is still a touchy subject if ponies try to dis his father.

comment and tell me any gaffs i made

This might be the most Marry Sue like OC here in this thread but still, here it is. I think his backstory makes him a very Marry Sue like and I might be wrong on an extremely small scale. I started writing a story about him very recently and from what I know, well, it can, or might, be considered an atrocity and I have been told that my OC is about as rigid as wet cardboard and *slightly* a Marry Sue. I can not stand Marry Sues and will attempt to make the character better, or suggest. That is what I kind of did and from my perspective I failed epicly at his backstory. Read it at your own sanity.

1. Night Sky
2. Night is slightly smaller than most stallions of his age, he's sixteen. His mane is brown and not clean kept and so is his tail so how it looks when he gets up goes. His coat is storm grey and his eyes are brown also. This weird muck changes though to grey-blue eyes, black mane with violet stripes, and a deep blue coat. His cutie mark is three ellipses that are intertwined and one of them is a pencil. Where the three overlap is a single unabridged sixteenth note. He also has short fangs and braces. I do have a drawing of him but I can't upload it because I don't know how. 'Cause logic.
3. His aunt is Queen Chrysalis. His father is Starry Sky, that's super cheesy, and was killed by Night's aunt in attempt to have full power over the vast empire. Since his parents felt he was no longer safe with them, they sent him to an orphanage soon before his mother was tracked down and murdered. Yeah, totally not Marry Sue-like at all. Chrysalis never knew about him. He attended school at a public school in Canterlot and was later accepted to Canterlot School for Gifted Unicorns, where he very briefly saw Twilight a few times. He left Canterlot after finishing school and opened a shop in Ponyville because that was where most of the interesting things happened. He also partakes in illegal magic and practices like duplicating money and resources.
4. He is a decently big introvert and has trouble making friends. He is really opinionated and really tries to be the hero. He also tries to be less of a know-it-all and tries to take other ponies ideas into consideration. He really likes to play piano and other acoustic instruments because he can express his emotions without having to speak. He will not talk to other ponies unless they say something to him or he deems it absolutely necessary.
5. Night can conduct large assemblies of instruments but not for very long before passing out from the mental stress. He can run decently complicated calculations on a writing medium in a matter of minutes and can use transfiguration spells without completely destroying his physical appearance. His small glass blowing shop makes many different glass objects from small statuettes to heavy duty lab glassware.
6. He is decently close friends with Twilight and sometimes will agree to hangout with the rest of the Mane Six. Dr. Whooves is also an acquaintance of his but they talk only in dire emergencies or extreme science cases. He secretly crushes on Princess Luna and when they are within sight of each other he acts extremely nervous and will not tend to do much except talk to her or other ponies if they are around. If they are alone Night's anxiety would drive him to either be really, really nervous or pass out.
7. Night admires some of the musically inclined ponies like Mandopony and TheWoodenToaser(if that is what the OC's name is) and wants to meet them someday because he wants to be as musically creative as they.
8. Night will play video games if he is not working down in his secret lab where he keeps technology from Equestria out of fear of causing war. He does not play gory or "nasty" games and usually will play Minecraft or Equs Space Program. When Night is with his "friend-mares" he will usually kind of interact with them on occasion when they address him or something else. They don't really go anywhere but will go do random things like going bowling or something else like sit in Night's computer lab and play Minecraft together.
9. In Night's story he is the main character.
10. Night is not really good at writing his own music because it requires his full attention and will take him a decently long time. At the moment of this post, Night does not know about his family because he is scared of the outcome and has not told anypony about his crush. He was called Lumen because that was the author of the books he would most commonly be reading as a colt.

-edits made on July 4, 2016

I'm afraid I don't think I'm good enough to be putting up a review of someone else's hard work yet, so I will hope someone who better knows what they are doing will review the above.

I have currently 4 OC's, and I'll be doing the one in my avi for now.

1. Name: Naga Tear (Naga)

2. Picture: Please see my avi. The body color I'm still fiddling with but the rest of her is done.

2.1. Gender: Mare

2.2. Race: Earth Pony (No relationship to AJ. I discovered almost all Earth ponies are somehow related to her...)

3. Backstory: This may considered spoiler, though it'll be awhile before I get started on this story so I don't think it'll matter. I'm still working on it, but here's the gist of it: Naga is an adventurous pony. She has a little shop of knicknacks and wares and other things she finds on her travels. She had recently moved to Ponyville, with the help of her friend/secretary (Unicorn mare, still deciding on a name) who takes care of the shop while Naga is out and about. (Basically she's afraid of some of the places Naga goes, and therefore, stays behind.) Naga very much enjoys her life and, while being an Earth pony often hinders here where wings or magic would often be quite the assistance, she does well enough on her own.
Except, when she comes to Ponyville, she ends up running into a bit of trouble while following up on a tidbit of information she's gotten on a particular item she has been searching for. In her trouble, a new friend comes to her aide. Braveheart, a fast-flying but clumsy pegasus, helps her out of her mess, and upon many hours of nagging, basically falls in love with the idea of going on an adventure and search with Naga. Thus, a new friendship is formed, though there are times Braveheart wonders what he's gotten himself into. The two help each other out as they go along though and they turn out to be a pretty decent pair, plus or minus the occasional spat and other slip-ups, which they eventually laugh about later. Eventually, they meet up with an older version of Spike, and perhaps and older version of Princess Twilight. Everything is placed well after the Mane 6, sadly enough.
So then, that particular item Naga is searching for. Many legends surround the Life Tear, which is the tear dragons shed when they pass on. Lore claims the Life Tear contains the essence of the dragon that shed it. Supposedly, it can heal almost any wound, slow the aging process, or any number of other incredible feats.
How much of this is true, nopony knows. But Naga is determined to find out. We find later that the necklace she wears supposedly contains a small portion of a dragon's Life Tear - the last bit of one that had passed through generations of her family, plus or minus a few sales, thieves, etc. She is searching for any other pieces or even a fill tear to test, own, and the merchant inside her wonders what she could sell for, though she often laughs at the thought.
However, while she and Braveheart are out searching, back at the shop, Naga's other friend is talking to all the wrong ponies. Naga doesn't realize until she gets back that all her secrets have been sold and that her friend has turned on her, and now, there are literally hundreds of ponies all looking for the same thing. Her travels have taught her much, enough to know many ponies and other creatures could possibly die if she doesn't intervene.
So, with help once more, she sets out to fix what her friend set into motion, and hopefully fix what they had. And eventually rebuild her shop and trade, but for right now, saving lives is all that's on her mind.
(There's a lot more, but that would be a ton more spoilers than there already are.)

4. Personality: Naga starts bold and a little self-centered, but you'll learn there's history between her and her friend. (Again, still working on her name.) As we go through, we learn more and more, and that she is not self-centered at all, just comes across as that way. I mean, life of a traveling merchant, you make mistakes and learn along the way. We also discover that once you're a friend of hers, she is fiercely loyal... and a little stupid. And a complete sap. Can't stop gushing when she gets on a roll. But, with a little pushing, she'd do anything for someone she likes.

5. Special abilities, especially what they do for a living from their cutie mark: As mentioned before, she is a merchant by trade but is an explorer by heart, and loves finding new stuff she can spiff up and show off in her shop. Being an Earth Pony, she had great endurance and can take a hit. She has a special love for all things dragon and seeks to understand them, which is why she had a green scale shield as part of her cutie mark, (with a few gems since dragons love gems) and two red tears falling over it.

6. Relations with canon characters: She and Braveheart meet up with an older version of Spike and learn quite a bit from him, making a friend of him, which helps later on in the story. They also meet with Princess Twilight when confronting the fact that her unicorn friend has turned on her, but otherwise the others are not included. The other princesses may make a chapter or three but I haven't gotten there yet.

7. Relations with other OC's, if there are any: Braveheart, pegasus friend, companion on adventures, possible *minor* relationship material, yet to be seen. (has some growing up to do) And a unicorn mare I'm still fiddling on a name with. She's a little like a secretary that stays at the shop and offers advice, but ends up in the wrong crowd, creating conflict.

8. Social life: When she's not out and about, she helps run her store. Talks with customers. Looks for tidbits on new possible adventures. Often kills time messing around with the stuff she's collected or telling stories of her adventures (watered down a bit) to young colts and fillies. After store hours, often goes out with her unicorn friend for dinner or other fun activities, but otherwise lives fairly normal. Though, she's pretty close with the local hospital, considering well... Accidents happen, right?

9. How they will be placed in their story: Main character.

10. Any extra notes you want us to know: Can't think of anything currently, but I'm sure with a review or two there'll be something I realized I forgot!
Also, thank you to whoever reviews! I greatly appreciate the help!

Can the OC originate from the human world? As in, human turned pony?
(OUR WORLD not the EG World)

This isn't funny!

There are real writers trying to make good OCs! Everyone being dicks about all of them except stupid Nyx isn't helping!

Hello every one. well here goes

1. Name is Sky Trotter (Star Wars pun was never intended. Gave him the name and didn't realize the pun was there for like three weeks but felt it was too late to change it at that point)

2.

3. Gender is Male

4. As the pic shows he is a Pegasus

3. as for a back story. He is the 5th child of his mother Shining Dawn ( Earth Pony) and his father Double Bass ( Unicorn) his family has always been more than a fan of "Mixing the tribes" his Grandfather on his fathers side was a Pegasus. Sky has a total of 5 Sisters. All of whom are Married and three of which have children of their own leaving Sky as the only on that has yet to settle down. He is the second youngest but as the only Colt of the family his father tended to dote on him. Currently 25 and Living away from home he has found himself as a Banker/Teller at the Royal bank of Equestria. Sky has always had issues meshing with others mostly due to his eclectic tastes. He is not one for any kind of sports and is quite the Introvert. that being said he does have a close group of friends that he enjoys spending time with. While he has been diagnosed with clinical depression he is currently not on any kind of medication.

4. Sky's Cutie mark is a Bass Cleft. He discovered that he was talented with Vocal music as a foal. however in his adult life he has fallen away from using his talent as he was unable to find a job where he could use it.

5. Currently he lives in Canterlot and as such doesn't know any of the Mane Six other than by reputation as the bearers of the elements of harmony and Twilight at the princess of Friendship.

6. as stated he has a few friends that he keeps close to him. however they are not Best friends. more like acquaintances that share some of his interests. due to his depression and being an introvert he has yet to let anypony get truly close to him in a long time.

7. most of the time when he is not at work, Sky sits at home and losses himself to the world of books. he does enjoy smoking weed more as a way to calm down from the day and a form of self medication for his depression

8. In his current story Changes ( Currently writing now) He goes though life's changes and is forced out of his comfort zone and subsequently forced to move away from Canterlot to survive.

Well this is Sky Trotter. as for the story that I am putting together I am sure that more characters will be coming but up to this point they are too fluid to really put a pin in.

4997341 Most "real" writers haven't been participating in this thread because they understand a character is but only a small part of a story, and can't exist in isolation from it. To suggest a character can exist without a story, is to put the narrative whole secondary to the character, which is how Mary Sues are generally defined (as entities more important than the narrative they are in).

Characters are just tools and any of them, even the most poorly designed among them, can be used with distinction in a narrative. What makes a character—OC or not—truly shine is how well it's integrated into the world around it and that just can't be done here in a forum post.

5001723

>> Name: Pretty good

>> Apperance: Can't really see it, but its probably just my computer

>> Gender: What can you actually say about this?

>> Race: Why isn't an Alicorn or something (this is a joke, don't do this)

>> Backstory: Pretty decent. I would remove the part about clinical depression though, seems a bit forced.

>>Pretty good cutiemark, though it might be good to add in his background that he went to Canterlot to pursue music, but failed to find the job for it.

>>This is fine

>>Once again, remove the depression and it should be fine.

>>No weed. Period. Not to deny that drugs can exist in Equestria, but it doesn't seem right for Sky to have it.

>>This is good.

Comments:

There are still many minor things that need to be worked on allow the pieces of the character to fit together. The depression was axed because it is way too often used in OCs and his love of reading seems to be an excellent way to make up for his lack of a social life, even if he doesn't realize it. This was the same for his use of weed. I'd like to think he moved away to Canterlot to both find a job and escape his doting parents. I'd recommend incorperating the singing into his life somehow, maybe his choice of reading or perhaps he sings to himself. Maybe he falls for a nice musical mare or something, but that is something for later.

5002937
thanks for the input. I will take this into consideration as I move forward with the story. When it comes to the Depression, I never really intended for it to be something that was said out loud. More as something that is hinted at, but never truly stated. Something that someone that has depression would be able to recognize but that someone that doesn't have it may not see. As for the pot use. It is defiantly something that I would be able to just cut out without really thinking about. I wasn't hugely important to the character or story and can easily be removed.

1. (Full) name Treeling Asheveld
2. A picture of them

2.1. Gender. Female (filly).
2.2. Race Unicorn, and Living Spell.
3. Backstory. In the thousand years before Twilight, prior to the discovery of the elements of harmony, and during the (brief) reign of Discord this filly (Treeling) got wrapped up in things greatly out of her control. Most notably, the struggle of the Crystal Empire and the rise of King Sombra. Through her brief life she is used as a pawn/tool in the conflict with Discord, Sombra, and the Celestial Sisters she does have ambitions of her own that impact the outcome of that era. The living spell Asheveld is a consequence of these conflicts, and goes on to become the Nightmare portrayed in the Return of Nightmare Moon comic arc.

4. Personality Treeling is a child of the curious sort, plucked from the world she knew and dropped into a world we know. With no appreciation for civilized behavior she is basically an animal. As a writer, I designed her to be evil by all measurable metrics but this isn't something people have tended to focus on when reading her story. Asheveld, likewise, is a product of the child's subconscious mind, and a consequence of the dangerous magic surrounding the above conflict. She is Treeling's only "real" friend, but even she is betrayed in the end.

5. Special abilities, Like her cutiemark suggests Treeling's special abilities are similar to that of a tree: to draw nutrients from the soil. Rather, specifically, she draws magic out of the stained landscape. During her story she's trained on how to expand her understanding of this ability, but cannot cast magic normally (on account of that being a civilized idea, and not a natural one). Asheveld, whom is born of a subversive subconscious, naturally has the abilities to manipulate the mind with illusions. Specifically: nightmares.

6. Relations with canon characters. King Sombra: she is both his ally and enemy, ward and protector, tool and weapon. The two share a complicated and ever evolving relationship over the 40+ thousand words they are together.

7. Relations with other OC's. Nurse Crystal Clarity is Treeling's rehabilitation therapist. A psychiatrist by trade her first mission is to teach Treeling to communicate. A task she interprets as the use of language, but such things are beneath the filly's interest.

8. Social life. Eating plants and dropping bodies. Since her first appearance in the story, she's demonstrated to not have the luxury of a social life. Thinking any more on the subject would be about the same as asking what a Timberwolf does for fun.

9. How they will be placed in their story. Treeling is the main character of DotFR. Asheveld is a supporting character who appears in the final act.

10. Any extra notes you want us to know. Treeling and Asheveld are mute. They don't communicate with spoken or written language. The development of this character, and her story, was an exercise in "show don't tell" which accounts for her muteness. Also, I was curious, so I figure it couldn't hurt to drop an OC to see how this works.

11. Notable Achievements Created (in party) by Discord, beats Sombra, manipulates Celestia and Luna, and is directly responsible for the fall of the Crystal Empire, as well as the creation of Nightmare Moon (not to mention the promotion of Commander Hurricane).

1. Full Name: Eclipse
2. A picture of them:
2.1. Gender: Female
2.2. Race: Unicorn
3. Backstory: She has never felt emotion, and people hated her for that. Even Celestia was scared of her, and she was left behind by her family, with only a smarty pants doll named Nightbeam and necklace with her. She grew up on the streets and became what she is now. She practices Necromancy as she found a book that had that kind of magic. She now just wonders the world, doing what she pleases.
4. Personality: Cold. She has no emotions.
5. Special abilities: Magic, Intellect, Leader. She is a freelance agent.
6. Relations with canon characters: None.
7. Relations with other OC's: None
8. Social life: Friends, what are friends? She doesn't really get along with others.
9. How they will be placed in their story: Main, Supporting, Side, 1 shot (Has been/will be in all)
10. Any extra notes you want us to know: Nightbeam is possessed by a spirt

hmm, might as well ask but, does this post only allow pony OCs (or at least only races from the show) ?

If yes, any similar thread for human OCs (and possibly other alien races out there anyone might wanna use)?

Thank you kindly for your answer... whoever will answer really!

This is what I got and I'd like to hear what other people think.

1. Name:
Char "Gilbert" Broil

2. Appearance:
Teal mane and tail, light blue fur, red eyes and an average build

2.1.Gender:
Male

2.2.Race:
Unicorn with crystal pony ancestry

3. Backstory.
Born and raised in Bustentag, Gilbert learned everything about fish from his father and older brother, a fisherman and fishmonger, respectively. During his teenage years, Gilbert over time becomes a battle chef as a result of his parole, which included attending the prison's culinary program. Upon his twenty-first birthday, he sets off towards Equestria to find a job. As a side note, Gilbert is his griffin name while Char Broil is his pony name.

4. Personality:
His social skills are sub-par from his pyromania and as a result, is hot-blooded and tends to shout every now and then. He also has a respectful attitude towards non-ponies.

5. Special abilities:
Can make ethereal knives with his hooves, but his special talent is pyromancy.

6. Relations with canon characters:
Idolizes Gustave Le Grande, made curry for Twilight and Spike and works for Cadence and Shining Armor as a chef.

7. Relations with other OC's: So far, none.

8. Social life:
When out and about, he goes outside the Empire to fish, practices his combat skills, spars with the Crystal Guard (and occasionally Shining Armor) and hangs out with Thorax. When working, he feeds the maids and butlers and helps the other chefs.

9. Placement:
Main character in his story, cameo in others.

10. Misc:
Gilbert breathes fire through his nose when annoyed, is raised griffon, has no sense of direction, can't read Equestrian or Griffic and takes offense at ponies insulting his intelligence. He also can make dried fish, fish jerky and sea salt, the latter of which is surprisingly illegal in Equestria.

in my story there is no non-OC characters

welp to bad for relationships with other OC characters XD

ack

1. Dusk Hammer

2.

Picture credit to MLP-TrailGrazer

The beard is optional, and the eye color is up for change. Magic color too.

2.1. Male

2.2. Unicorn

3. Backstory: Dusk was raised in Trottingham. He was put on the fast track for education, but that left him with a period where he didn't know what to do with himself. As a simple blacksmith, there was little he saw he could do to really make a difference. So, as soon as he could, he joined the Royal Guard, but again found that lacking true purpose. He was soon offered a place among the Paladins of Equestria, who were noble in only the public's eyes. Dusk asserted himself as one of the stronger Paladins, garnering him respect among his peers, and he became one of the most reliable Paladins. He felt he was making a difference, and it didn't matter whether or not anyone knew what he did. If anything, it was far better if they didn't.

4. Personality: Dusk is often eager to prove the strength of those around him. He's more interested in a pony's potential than their past feats. His mentality is that if someone is not progressing, they're losing the fight. He hates having to break ponies down, but enjoys the feeling when said ponies recover and rise up beyond what they thought was possible. He holds those who don't seem to earn their place in society in great disdain. He prefers being proactive in the defense of Equestria, rather than reactive. He cannot stand doing desk work.

5. Special abilities: Has a natural talent with fire spells, and has stronger than average telekinesis, but is otherwise an average unicorn. However, as he knows he cannot perform great feats with his magic, he has trained and honed his body to be stronger than most. He can exhibit surprising agility while wearing heavy armor.

6. Relations with canon characters: None at this time. He knows of the Six, but hasn't met them personally. His only major opinion on them is his opinion on Twilight, who he says is "the least capable princess that is the most relied upon in a crisis. A tribute to the sorry state of our nation."

7. Relations with other OC's: Respected by the other Paladins. Not many of them consider him as a friend, but they do know he's a loyal comrade. Those that do consider him a friend see a more playful side of him.

8. Social life: Dusk loves to go drinking with his friends, though he is decidedly against becoming drunk. So, he is often the one that prevents his friends from making dumb decisions while drunk, and of course gets to tease them about their drunken antics. Otherwise, he spends most of his time either on the job, working on his equipment, or training. He always trying to do something productive in some way.

9. How they will be placed in their story: Main character

10. Any extra notes you want us to know: The story I have in mind for Dusk Hammer is one where he tries to understand Tempest and recruit her into the Paladins. The story will be mostly from Tempest's perspective, third-person. She agrees to shadow him on a mission to get a feel for what the Paladins do.

I'm curious as to what others think of Dusk, as I haven't shared his character with many people. I'm open to tips and advice.

1. Name: Odium
2. Picture:
3. Gender: Male
4. Race: Anthropomorphic Grey Wolf

5. Backstory: Many years before the series started, Odium was a young, well-educated, and analytical creature who was born into an honorable family. They taught him that whenever he sees injustice of any kind happening, he should tackle it head on in order to make sure that others don't suffer.

   This made sense as he and his family lived in a very disreputable town on the other side of the planet, where injustice and hardships usually happens on a daily basis due to overpopulation, poverty, and competition for years. This made Odium's family, who are one of the only ones trying to do something about it, create and uphold to a moral code against injustice in order to make sure that life becomes better for others, whether inside or outside their damaged society.

   Overtime, in Odium's life, he would follow this code for his family and others in order to make life better out of honor and integrity. He's done things like giving an orphan back some bread after it was stolen from him by hooligans before giving them some bread of his own, told off a cruel and abusive family for yelling and kicking out their child, etc. all in the name of honor and integrity. However, this caused him to be so obsessed, single-minded, and blinded by his family's philosophy to the point of downright hatred, confrontation, judgement, self-righteousness and bitterness towards injustice of any kind, as well as towards those who violate said moral code.

   After Odium became old enough to survive on his own, he left his disreputable town and waved goodbye to his honorable family before heading through a barren forest that leads outside of the town. Suddenly, he hears a strange sound nearby, as if someone was calling his name. Out of curiosity, he decided to follow the sound until he spots a large, deep cave that housed a mysterious seer named Calypso.

   After asking Calypso why she called him over to her, she said that she's been watching him for years and wanted to tell him about the future. She then showed him the Mane Six's future misdeeds and screw-ups throughout the series leading up to the penultimate episode of the series, along with Starlight and Discord's misdeeds as well. She also said that they didn't receive any punishments for their actions and still won't for a long time.

   This angered Odium so much that he volunteered to be the one to put them in their place. However, Calypso said that they are too powerful to defeat without some training and a well-thought-out, long-term plan. Odium asked her if she could train and help him as well as show him their strengths, weaknesses, and pet peeves, so that he doesn't set them off during his journey against them. She accepted and they both began training, though what Odium didn't know was that Calypso had other motives besides just helping him.

   After years of training, planning, and studying the Mane Six, Starlight, and Discord, Calypso finally said that Odium is ready and gave him one of her ancient weapons before dying of old age and turning to dust. This traumatized Odium greatly before he headed out on his journey against the Mane Six and the others.

   During his journey, however, he began to see injustices everywhere he went and decided to stop it with no reward or recognition. Like helping an old lady against a pack of criminals, defeating a giant rock monster for a lost child, etc. Despite his good deeds, however, that still didn't stop his journey to go after the Mane Six, Starlight, and Discord for their misdeeds. In fact, it only strengthened his belief that what he's about to do to them is the right thing to do.

6. Personality: Unlike other villains in the series, who's goal are motivated by power, control, revenge, amusement, etc., Odium is driven by justice and a strict moral compass against the Mane Six for their previous misdeeds on others throughout the series. He personally thinks that he's the only one who can put them in their place and is willing to do whatever it takes to make sure they get the consequences they deserved.

   However, he wasn't always this way. Originally, Odium was just a very young, well-educated, honorable and curious, yet very introverted and naive at times child.

   Overtime, though, due to his family's flawed, yet morally understandable moral code and the fact of being born in a place full of injustice and hardship, Odium grew very hateful and bitter of injustice of any kind as well as towards those who violate said moral code, whether hero, villain, or otherwise.

   Odium has become so single-minded, narrow, and limited in his own moral compass and view of justice and consequentialism to the point of being downright obsessive, arrogant, judgemental, and self-righteous at times. He is so determined and devoted to his own moral philosophy and wants others to follow it that he may even use aggression towards those who violate it.

   He's also very educated, observant, intellectual, and perceptive. He somehow learned about the Mane Six, Starlight, and Discord's misdeeds, strengths, weaknesses, and pet peeves throughout the series and knows a lot about philosophy.

   Despite his educated and single-mindedness, he can be very indecisive in if placed in a situation where his code doesn't apply. He can also be very gullible, curious and naive at times, as shown when he listened to the mysterious seer that tricked him into going after the Mane Six and the others before her death out of old age, which greatly traumatized him before he found out that he was tricked.

   Despite his arrogant and self-righteous attitude, he can be very prudent and knows not to take too much undue risk on others out of pragmatism. He also doesn't want to hurt or kill anyone or anything that he's not going after as he thinks that that's going too far and that it would trigger his target's pet peeve(s). This is evident when he refused to hurt Spike or Twilight's books when they were in the way and either waited until they were out of the way or decided to go around them.

   In spite of Odium's flaws, He does have his good qualities as well. He does genuinely care about and is compassionate towards those who are either close to him or aren't his target's. He's also capable of self-reflection and a lot of remorse for his own injustices and actions deep down, especially when realizing them. He can also be very self-conscious about his actions and doesn't like excuses from either himself or others for said actions. Despite his hatred towards his targets' for their injustices, he's willing to be more careful and considerate when it comes to the things that they personally care about and hold value to. He can also be very merciful towards others, including his target(s), when they show absolute fear or flinch in front of him. Despite his arrogance, he can be very selfless, honest, helpful and willing to put himself in danger and sacrifice himself, even postponing his journey for the sake of helping others in spite of his single-mindedness.

   His main motivation for his actions is because he wants to make life better for others and doesn't like to see them suffer or let others who've caused their suffering get away with it. However, due to his single-minded, self-righteous, arrogant, and distrustful flaws towards his target(s), as well as his usual gullibility and naivete, he can sometimes forget his own injustices and, when he realizes them, becomes so distraught and full of self-loathing that he feels like he's unworthy of forgiveness from those he's hurt and must either work hard to truly earn it or be punished for his horrible actions. The latter is shown when he wants to be sent to Tartarus for eternity as a self-imposed penance for his own actions.

7. Abilities: Unlike other villains in the series, who use either magic or technology to achieve their goal(s), Odium has no special abilities or equipment, except for the anti-magic staff that was given to him by the mysterious seer before she died of old age right in front of him. Instead, he relies on his physical prowess and intellect to help him. Due to his years of training, planning, and studying with the old seer for about as long as the Mane Six's history together, he's able to fight at least on par with them and knows their strengths, weaknesses, and especially pet peeves.

   Despite his lack of raw power, he does have enhanced condition, making his abilities above that of most of his species due to his training. He also has exceptional martial art skills, keen senses that he shares with his species and enhanced staff proficiency, being able to manipulate his staff for close quarters combat.

8. Relationships with canon characters: Due to witnessing the Mane Six, Discord, and Starlight's misdeeds throughout the series and his hatred of injustices of any kind, Odium harbors true resentment towards them and will do whatever it takes to put them in their place, especially Starlight and Discord for having the worst crimes out of the group.

   Despite his hatred for the group, he is very considerate of the things they love and would never intend to go after them due to pragmatism, honor, integrity, and not wanting to trigger their berserk buttons, which aren't part of his plan.

   When it comes to other characters like Spike, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, etc, He usually treats with a lot of respect and integrity since they're not his targets and because they are part of the things that his true targets love, thus leaving them accounted for so as to not trigger their berserk buttons.

9. Relationships with other OC's: When it comes to Sid, Odium thinks of him as a minor target since he feels like he has a lot of redeeming qualities, but is still enough to consider a threat to go after due to Sid's desire to take over the planet. Like his other targets, Odium is more considerate towards the things that Sid loves due to being more careful about triggering berserk buttons.

   When it came to Calypso, Odium used to respect her due to helping him train, plan, and study for years after he moved out of his honorable and caring family's house and disreputable town. This is especially true as he was completely traumatized by her death of old-age after she gave him the magic-proof staff. When he found out that he was tricked into attacking the Mane Six and their friends, it hit him very hard due to a lot of self-loathing, inner pain, and guilt for his actions towards them and is one of the causes for him to mentally snap in despair and pure hatred and rage. This is also one of the main causes for his eventual relapse before his realization.

10. Social Life: Odium is very introverted. Before he became a vigilante, he was a normal student who loved story writing and would normally sit alone in his room, writing short story and even keeps a private journal with him.

    When he became a vigilante, he would devote most, if not all, of his time planning, training, and studying with Calypso on the Mane Six and their friends before she gave him her staff and died of old-age, as well as turning into dust.

    During his journey after the Mane Six and their friends, Odium would help a lot of people with their own injustices and save them without any recognition or reward needed. This didn't stop him from wanting to continue his journey after the Mane Six and their friends and only seemed to strengthen his belief that what he's about to do to them was the right thing to do.

11. Place in the story: Odium is the central antagonist of the story, while Calypso is the true main antagonist of the story.

12. Weaknesses: Despite Odium's enhanced condition, he still lacks raw power and can be easily trumped by those who have more power by comparison.

    Odium also can let his arrogance, hatred, integrity, single-mindedness, and overthinking get the best of him at times, which puts a damper on his focus and composure.

    His staff isn't fire-proof despite it being magic-proof.

    Odium has a few fears. Those being fire, losing a loved one, and being a bad person.

    Odium can be gullible and naive towards those who need his help, but distrustful and hateful towards those who he thinks are in the wrong.

    Odium isn't immune to the Plateau Effect and the effectiveness of his abilities can decrease overtime and/or reach their physical peak and never improve beyond that.

Trying to ' level up ' my writing as far as it will go.
I will try to squash every negative writing stereotype.
Hold my beer.
And
I'd like to keep this post short, so here I go...

1. PonderBright

2. Muted colors. Slightly small. Golden-ish sunrise coat, and a Tree lead green mane.
That's it. No special features.

2-1. Man (equestria girls) -> Stallion

2-2. Human (equestria girls) -> Alicorn

3. After being denied exit from the Friendship Games for god know what reasons (they did see the man eating plants, right?)
He trips and falls into one of midnight's portals, now in a 7000 foot freefall while transforming into a horse.
He only survives because of his wings, and then causes massive collateral damage along with 3 casualties due to his lack of training of his godlike powers.
He's defeated by Celestia, Luna, but mostly Twilight who convinces him to surrender.
Twilight convinces the other 2 to let him stay in equestria to learn about friendship, since he shares many parallels with starlight.
Another little bit of the reason Twilight wanted to ' fix ' Ponder is that seeing 3 dead ponies traumatized her a bit, and she now avoids any and all casualties at all costs.

4. Zealous. Sees lots of things in black and white; mostly due to autism. Anti social, slightly nerdy. Aggressive and prone to agitation, but will never attack on sight due to a sense of Justice.
He likes good things being done to ' good people '
And bad things being done to ' bad people '

Likes to be abnormally prepared due to past experiences in human world, which leads me to my next point: traumatized.
Not war or anything like that, just him getting bullied.
Sometimes it did go too far; they pulled some sort of weapon and he pulled a knife in response.
But that was a rare occasion.

5. Alicorn magic; but very dulled. He had a physical disability carry over from the human world; so hes not capable of any magic for more then 1 minute. There's some mental limiter too (probably autism) that keeps him from learning and doing the more complex magic easily.

Extreme Adaptability. Past experiences in the human world, horrible as they may have been; along with quite the high intellect, almost rivaling Twilight, Sunset Or Starlight makes him mentally adapt to new things very fast.

6. Twilight is his teacher, and doubles as his direct report as in a job. Starlight is like a roommate, in a medieval court kind of sense. Him and a bunch of other characters could form connections as friends; but i don't want to explain all that here.

7. No other ocs to speak of in the story. yet.

8. Contemplating. Thinking. Very directed, will not let the thoughts fester.
If not that, then petting animals. He does enjoy non-human company.
If no other option, will waste time with video games or books (if in primitive pony world) just to not be left alone with his own thoughts.

9. The plan is to make him similar to starlight. The focus can be on him, but will switch to anypony else if necessary.

10.
Are there any other bad stereotypes that I missed?
I would like to address them all, and see if I can make a positive spin all on all of them.
Doesn't have to fit all into 1 character.
There's always room for more ocs or bringing in a cannon background pony.