EFalling Up

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Slice of Life

After an accident leaves Songbird unable to fly, it takes a few encouraging words from her marefriend to lift her up again.

• Coloratura
• Songbird Serenade

Emotion Nexus · 1.3k words  ·  43  2 · 717 views

Summary

Beset with worry and anxiety, Songbird Serenade prepares for her first return performance after a tragic accident. She finds comfort in the touch and the words of her marefriend, Coloratura.

First Impressions

So to begin, a mild disclaimer. I’ve read several of Emotion Nexus’ stories at this point, and I have to admit I’m a fan. I love the way they write. Does that compromise my objectivity as a reviewer? Maybe. But I’ll do my best to be as fair as possible. Also, beware of spoilers.

We begin with Songbird nervously getting ready for her first stage performance in months. She is full of uncertainty and worry over her upcoming appearance, and can even hear the ominous sounds of her adoring fans on the other side of the curtain.

At the same time, Songbird is dealing with the tail-end of an intense mourning process. Due to some undefined accident, she’s probably lost the ability to fly.

It’s actually a rather interesting set up for the conflict. On the one hand, writers usually write their characters in the middle of the healing process for a grievous loss. By choosing to put us at the end of that process, the author is telling us that while this mourning process helps inform the conflict, it’s not at the heart. I think it’s a good way of setting up complex characters at different stages of their emotional journey.

When Rara starts offering advice, it feels just a little bit forced. Rara attempts to compare the loss she felt when her image was redefined after she fired her manager, with Songbird’s loss of flight. It feels a little tone deaf, which would be more problematic if Songbird didn’t mentally bring up how skeptical she was of the connection between their various experiences. Still, it’s a source of conflict that perhaps could be more fully explored.

Finally Songbird feels confident enough to go out on stage, and eagerly addresses her fans, her fears and anxiety washed away in the roaring support they send her way. She addresses her issues, gives credit for her confidence to Rara, and then performs for the crowd.

So there’s positives and negatives in this story, and by far the positives outweigh the negatives.

First of all, the chemistry between the two singers is obvious. Rara is physically affectionate, and their relationship is delightfully fluffy. I’m of the personal opinion that any ship works if the author does the appropriate legwork (hoofwork?) and I feel like the author did that here.

Then there’s the conflict. The author creates a very interesting, complex tension between the two lovebirds. By placing the story’s timeline at the end of Songbird’s recovery, we get an interesting and rarely-explored perspective on loss. Songbird is largely at piece with her injury, even though there is some remaining pain. It’s fairly unique.

That being said, the conflict itself isn’t given enough time to be fully explored. We hint at a larger struggle (specifically a tension between the two, where Songbird recognizes that Rara, as an earth pony, couldn’t fully understand the nature of her loss). I wish the story had more fully explored those themes.

The story ends with a performance of a brand new song by Songbird, one that supposedly explores her emotions throughout the process of loss. I find myself wishing the author had written out the song. I recognize that not all authors can write songs, which is fine, but I would have loved to see some actual lyrics.

Ratings by Category

Characters: 9/10. Songbird and Rara have both strong representations here. We get to see both of their insecurities and anxiety. The perspective stays close to Songbird, but we learn a bit about Rara’s inner struggles through both dialogue and implication.

In addition, the chemistry between the two is genuine. The author begins us with their relationship in process, and writes with the assumption of affection between the two of them. It honestly makes me crave the story of how they met and fell in love, and the obstacles they met and overcame along the way.

Setting: 9/10. The setting here is also strong. In a way, the crowd becomes a part of the setting, something that the characters react to and move around. The curtain in the beginning is symbolic of the separation between Songbird and her old life, and the gulf she feels separating herself from what she used to love doing, and is now afraid of. When she finally steps in front of it, she is braving that gap.

Dialogue:7/10. The dialogue is usually solid. My only complaint here is that it is sometimes used for exposition, and perhaps at times becomes ‘telling’ over ‘showing’. Please consider this example:

"I know it's not anywhere near as important to me as your wings are to you, but I used to really enjoy camping," she answered with a melancholic look. "Me and my pal AJ–you remember her, right?–used to get into all sorts of trouble at Camp Friendship. Anyways, after I came home with my cutie mark, I knew I wanted to do more than just singing. I do love music; it's my special talent after all, but I wanted to experience what the world had to offer. So I volunteered on as many camping trips as I could find, just so I could experience it.

"When my manager started sponsoring me a few years later, I had less time to search and take part in them. Eventually, he put a stop to it all together, and began molding me into Countess Coloratura." She frowned at the memory. "Now that I'm free of him, you'd think I could go back to that. But I have so little time for something that takes so much investment that nowadays I've almost given up on it entirely."

These two paragraphs are really the only weak spot I see in the dialogue. It’s just a bit exposition heavy, a solid wall of one character telling us about her past. I would recommend finding a way to break up the exposition a bit, either by reducing it or spreading it out over the dialogue.

Plot Structure: 7/10. The opening of the story is well paced, but the climax feels a touch rushed, and I wish that the issue of pony race was more explored. Specifically, the way Rara is trying to understand Songbird’s loss, while falling short due to not being a pegasus.

Grammar: 10/10. I was unable to find any grammar issues.

Total: 8.4/10

Final Thoughts/Feedback

This is a fun story, fluffy at times and emotionally honest at others. Despite some minor pacing issues, it’s well worth the read.

If I were to offer any advice for future stories (or, should you decide, improving this one) I would recommend watching out for large blocks of exposition, especially when spoken by a character.

Also, I would have loved to have seen the actual song written up, if possible.

Best Part: The physical affection and chemistry between the two. The symbolic use of the curtain. The unique approach the author takes to the subject of healing from loss.

<For archive purposes: 8.4/10>

Glad you enjoyed!

I do love writing lyrics, but considering the length of this, I felt like it would detract from the message of the story and feel forced. Now that you've mentioned it though, I do want to write that.

I've always been worried that since I usually don't directly say that two characters are dating that it sometimes doesn't come across, and it makes me glad to see you praising that aspect.

That curtain symbolism I might have thought about briefly, but I definitely didn't write it with that in mind. You're interpretation is really beautiful though.

Thanks!

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I keep forgetting to reply when commenting on these reviews.