Starlight Glimmer Fixes Everything
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Episode 094 (Season 5, Episode 3): Castle Sweet Castle
As soon as the door closed behind Twilight, the ponies turned back toward their pancake breakfast, only to hear both doors reopening and see Starlight Glimmer walking backwards using her hoof to guide someone.
“OK, colts, bring it in!” she said, holding a measuring tape in her magic spread across the doorway. “You’re gonna wanna hang that chandelier in this room and then we’ll move on.”
Two of the burly stallions from the Ponyville Moving Company carried what appeared to be a monstrosity of wood. Twilight’s friends stared, and it was Rarity who first recovered. “Is that—“
“The roots of the Golden Oak, yes. It’ll make a fine chandelier for the throne room. You’d be amazed at how hardy tree roots are, even around dynamite.”
“Dynamite?” asked Fluttershy.
One memory erasure spell later, Starlight continued. “As for the rest of the castle, I’ve hired Daddy Grandeur, the best local interior designer, to put together a plan, Mr. Davenport of Quills and Sofas to furnish the place, and the movers here to do the heavy lifting. Always employ the expert.”
Pinkie Pie said, “But that means—“
“Don’t worry, I’m paying for it all. It might not shock you to know that as a time traveler and mage, I have more money than anypony else, including myself. Not that everypony wasn’t eager to give discounts just for the chance to have their name associated with Equestria’s newest castle.”
“I was going to say—“
“Honestly, girls, this one was a softball. You should have figured it out on your own. I had a good seventeen seconds left over so—”
There weren’t many ponies who could compete with Starlight in any capacity, but Pinkie Pie would not be stopped from getting a word in edgewise. “But now there’s nothing for us to do!”
“Au contraire, as the Prench say,” Starlight said, reaching into her saddlebag and passing out scrolls to the others. “Since I had all that time remaining, I wrote you a song.”
They looked at the sheet music and saw the title “Make This Castle a Home” printed on the top, with “Let Starlight Glimmer” hastily penciled in before it. “Are you serious?” asked Applejack.
Starlight ignored her. “OK, this is an allegro moderato in E-flat major, note the Da Capo and the Coda, and, um, try to keep up.”
“Wait, what?” asked Rainbow Dash, but Starlight had already vanished.
Episode 105
Canterlot Boutique
[[If I have made any mistakes. Especially grammatical or anything wrong with the prose, PM me.]]
Celestia’s sun was just beyond the mountains in the early morning twilight, with the moon opposite it setting. Very few were out on the city streets with ponies starting to awaken or the night-timers and party goers returning to their homes to sleep again. There was one pony on the street that wasn’t sluggishly fighting with sleep.
Rarity was over the moon with a wide as Pinkie Pie grin upon her face. Her horn was glowing bright as she put several magical finishing touches to the sign above the doorway to her new shop, Canterlot Carousel.
Her life had been leading up this moment. The years of work, building up her reputation and design portfolio, the last month of cleaning and decorating her shop, and money she had spent to-
“Ahem.”
Rarity jumped with a little yelp. Turning towards the voice, she saw a group of ponies standing before her. 4 young unicorn mares, a pegasus, and an earth pony with a napping foal in her saddle bags. The earth mare was in front of the pack.
“Are you Rarity?” said the earth pony mare in front of the pack.
“Oh uh, yes! I am Rarity, but tuh, the boutique isn’t open for a few days.”
The mare reached into the saddle bag opposite her foal and pulled out a flyer. The pegasus came up next to her and pointed at it. “Is this where the jobs for the retail positions and the sweat shop located?”
Rarity stammered. “S-Sweat shop!? My boutique is not a sweat shop.”
“It is now!”
An eye twitched. ‘That voice...’ She turned towards the sound of the door bell at the front of her shop. Starlight stood in the doorway smirking from underneath a green eye shade visor. In her aura was a ledger, several quills, an ink pot, and an iron industrial-looking adding machine.
Rarity immediately pointed a hoof accusingly at Starlight.
“You!”
“I!” Starlight beamed. “Am Good Starlight.”
“I wonder about that,” Rarity lowered her hoof and stared at her with a frown. “What are you doing here? No. Let me guess...” She motioned a hoof towards the group that was looking at each other. “You sent out those flyers?”
“Correct! And I’m here to make you eventually one of the richest and most well-known ponies in Equestria without hassle.” Starlight’s horn flared as she stepped down from the stoop. Looking at the adding machine and ledger, she was quickly putting in calculations with the buttons tapping, the lever ratcheting, the result printing onto paper tape coming out the top, and writing the result into the ledger. Chik-chik.
“You were about to hoof stitch individual dresses in Canterlot. Single. Hoofedly.” Chik-chik. “Because you wanted all your dresses to be as unique as they were in Ponyville.” Chik-chik. “Due to the time needed to stitch, dart, cord, bind, serge, and trim each individual dress with the tender loving care you expect,” chik-chik, “and making hundreds and hundreds of dresses for the ponies of Canterlot in all their shapes and sizes, you would easily be in the hospital for exhaustion or a debilitating horn-ache.” Chik-chik. “This isn’t Ponyville. Most of the ponies in this city are full of narcissists who jump on bandwagon fads and throw money at anything in order to be popular.”
“Hey!”, one of the unicorns in the group protested. Chik-chik.
Rarity’s vexation was becoming apparent by the second. “But I can’t just.. throw my designs into a factory assembly line! They won’t be unique and the quality will be awful. All my dresses need my attention to detail to make sure they’re of the highest caliber!”
“I can’t say I understand fashion.” Chik-chik. “But I do know that your strategy will limit any potential to ever get your dresses or designs across Equestria by limiting the amount of products you make or to spread your brand.” Chik-chik. “Not unless you inflate the price to ludicrous degrees for your time spent.” Chik-chik. “If you want to survive, you to need mass produce your dresses, price them to maximize profit, hire good employees who can share your labor, know what they’re doing, and can help grow your brand.” She motioned to the group of ponies who were now awkwardly staring at each other and shuffling on their hooves. The foal was awake and suckling a pacifier. Chik-chik. The foal giggled.
Sassy Saddles opened the shop door. “Speak of Discord,” Starlight said.
Clearing her throat, Sassy gave the group of prospective employees a practiced smile. “Alright, everypony. Orientation will begin in a few minutes. We have pizza inside if you’re hungry.”
The little herd immediately trotted in.
“Sassy,” Starlight said. Chik-chik.
The mare in question cursed under her breath and went outside to be with Rarity and Starlight.
“Remember what I said?”
“..Do I have to?”
“Do you want a job?”
Resigning herself, Sassy breathed in, placed a hoof over her heart, and recited, “A good manager always listen their employer. A good manager always obeys their superior and carries out their ideas. I do not own the The Canterlot Carosel. Every dress is a Rarity, and every Rarity dress needs the attention and quality control they deserve. Every dress shall be given the attention they need, and every customer will be given a proper dress.”
Without looking up from the ledger, “That’s a good underling.” Chik-chik.
Sassy huffed and lowered her hoof with a clop.
Starlight smiled triumphantly as she ratcheted the adding machine twice, “I love that sound,” and printed the result onto the ledger. The paper tape from the adding machine was now spilling onto the sidewalk. Turning the ledger towards both mares, she pointed at the resulting number.
“So Sassy, if you give Rarity your expertise, connections, and loyalty, and you Rarity make those gorgeous designs and allow others to make your dresses...”
Both mares looked at the resulting number. Their eyes bugged out. Starlight smirked.
“You can buy Blueblood’s mansion and kick him out by the end of the fiscal year.” Chik-chik.
Episode 107: Made in Manehattan
"I did it! I solved a friendship problem!" Rarity watched the purple Manehattenite go with an almost crazed gleam in her eye. "And You Know Who didn't show up! Oh, that feels so GOOD!"
"Ah don't think-"
"Maybe we can finally do things on our own, Applejack! Maybe's she's gone for good! Oh! Maybe she can't interfere with the map! Maybe she....'s standing right behind me, isn't she?"
Rarity wheeled on the meddling unicorn, who raised an eyebrow. "Well I don't even care! You're too late! I already SOLVED this friendship problem, thank you very much! So you can just... go home! Or whatever it is you do!" She paused for a few wheezing breaths, and if anything, Starlight's eyebrow only raised higher.
Applejack took a step forward. "Not the real problem?"
"Uh, nope."
"You've already solved it?"
"Well, yeah."
"Lead the way." With a sigh and a firm tug, Applejack pulled the slack-jawed Rarity along with her.
~ * ~
"...so you see, the important part is that the community knows that they don't need to do much to really make a difference! Sure, I could just magic up the fix, but I don't know if the map would take that as a real solution, and we can't have you stuck here forever, now can we? So I... improvised."
"Starlight... what is all this?" Applejack gestured with a hoof to the collection of ponies standing in the overgrown park. Most were staring blankly straight ahead, but a few were listlessly trying to walk through trees or other ponies, with little success.
"They're here to help! With all of them together, you should have this all fixed up for the Theatre Revival in no time, and none of them will even have to do much!"
This was enough to finally spur words out of Rarity, who had been in a depressed funk the whole way over. "Starlight! You undo whatever you did to these innocent ponies right this instant! This is... this is horrible!"
"Don't worry about it! They'll barely know it happened, and it'll wear off as soon as the map thinks you're done. It'll be fine! Anyway, I gotta go, I've already been here long enough-"
"Now wait just a goshdarn minute-"
"Sorry, can't! Oh! They'll listen to whatever you say, forgot to mention that. See you soon!"
"STARLIGHT-"
With a fizzle and a flash of light, she was gone.
EPISODE 138 - Every Little Thing She Does
Starlight popped into existence just a few hoofsteps away from five of the mane six, mere moments after her past-self had disappeared into the library to calm down. She opened her mouth to speak, but stopped when she noticed she was holding a chalice that said ‘Gold Digga’ on it. Now that she paid a little more attention, she realized she was also looking through a purple filter. Somehow in her travels a pair of glasses colored like her mane stripe with purple lenses had appeared on her muzzle, along with the chalice and… a hat? A sideways baseball cap adorned her head, adding to the already strange collection of items, making her muzzle scrunch up into an expression of complete confusion.
Starlight looked down and found a massive gold chain with a big gold plaque attached hanging from her neck. “Glamorous Glimmer?” She read the plaque, completely baffled, and chalked it up to time travel being time travel, before shaking off the offending items in front of her speechless past friends. “Nevermind that, listen up girls! I need your help, because I suck at friendship right now. I promise I'll get better, but for now I need a little push in the right direction.”
“Uhm... Didn't you just go into the library?” Rainbow Dash raised and eyebrow, pointing a hoof in the direction of the massive room.
“And what was that horrible outfit you were wearing?!” Gasped Rarity, unable to keep her mouth shut about what Starlight had reappeared in.
Starlight groaned quietly. “Not important! You're missing the point, I need you five to reassure me and work with me on this, okay? When I come back in here, I'll need you to remind me this is about spending time with you girls. What we do isn't important, as long as we do it together, right? Right. So even if I'm a terrible baker, I'm a terrible baker getting to know and spending time with my friend! Okay? Great! Have fun!”
Just as she had arrived, Starlight was gone in a flash of light, leaving five confused friends behind. She hadn't gone very far though…
“No! Bad me! Don't cast spells on your friends!” Starlight swatted her past-self with a newspaper, scolding her after interrupting her spell search.
Past-Starlight held a hoof up, conceding to her future-self. “Okay, okay! Stop hitting me! I won't!”
The newspaper dropped, and past-Starlight looked up, finding that her future-self had disappeared. “That wasn't very nice…” she mumbled, and quickly trotted back to her friends while rubbing where she had been hit, finding them still waiting for her under their own free will. Just as she stepped in front of them to speak, a pizza appeared out of thin air, right at her hooves, a small sticky note attached to the box. She bent down to read the message, a message written in her writing. ‘No spells! Have fun! P.S. I left you a 40 in the fridge, get crunk.’
Applejack was the first to speak up. “That wasn't you jus’ now, was it?”
“Uhm... No… No it wasn't.”
The five ponies who weren't the present Starlight Glimmer looked at one another with varying expressions of annoyance. “STARLIGHT GLIMMER!”
103: Amending Fences
Starlight could hardly contain her excitement when she saw what the next problem she was due to fix was.
“Oh those two will be so cute together, it would be irresponsible of me to not set them up” she squealed as she powered up her horn to use the now familiar time-travel spell.
She reappeared right in front of a purple unicorn who was heading home from a party.
Twilight screamed when Starlight appeared right in front of her.
“Oh come on Twilight, you just saved the world from a deranged alicorn who also happened to be the princess’s sister, and a pony reappearing right in front of you is what gets to you?” Starlight said as she tussled Twilight’s mane.
“Uhh, I’m sorry. Do I know you?” Twilight asked, visibly uncomfortable with Starlight touching her.
Starlight was taken aback at this comment. “Wait seriously? You don’t remember me?”
“No, not really” Twilight responded. “Have we met before?”
Starlight resisted the urge to facehoof. “Do you remember how you got here this morning?”
Twilight’s eyes widened as she suddenly remembered. “Oh yeah, you’re that crazy pony who teleported me here and told me how to beat Nightmare Moon.”
A brief look of anger flashed across Starlight’s muzzle. Crazy? Me? Nonsense! Starlight shook the thoughts from her head. She didn’t have much time, and she was already 0.64 seconds behind schedule. “Yes, and I’ll accept your undying gratitude later. Right now you have a friend to apologize to.”
“Uhh, who do I have to apologize to? I haven’t done anything rude to any of my new friends, or at least if I have I don’t recall it” Twilight said.
“Ah well that’s just it! This isn’t one of your new friends, you need to apologize to your oldest and best friend.” Starlight explained.
“But Spike’s still asleep right now, I wouldn’t want to wake him. You probably don’t know this, but his morning breath-”
“-Smells like a rotten egg that was cooked in a dumpster fire in Tartarus, I know” Starlight shuddered. “But this is a friend you’ve had even longer than Spike.”
“Shining Armor?”
“What? No, I’m talking about Moon Dancer!”
“...who?”
Starlight’s jaw dropped. How could Twilight not remember the pony who had been her best friend for years? “Sheesh you really weren’t exaggerating when you said you sucked at friendship before you moved to Ponyville.” Starlight muttered.
“Hey!”
“Do you remember your lab partner in advanced magical theory?” Starlight asked.
“Uuhhh, was her name Moon Dancer? Why do I have to apologize to her, I haven’t seen her in years.” Twilight asked.
“Twilight, you saw her yesterday” Starlight deadpanned.
“Oh, well I suppose I can send her a card or something, what do I need to apologize for?” Twilight asked.
Starlight chuckled. “A card, really Twilight? No, your apologizing directly to her.” Starlight powered up her horn to teleport the two mares to Moon Dancer’s house in Canterlot.
As soon as the two arrived on Moon Dancer’s steps Twilight keeled over and vomited all over Moon Dancer’s steps, flowers, and front door. Some even got on Starlight.
“Argh, what the heck?” Starlight recoiled as the vile substance got all over her hooves. “You didn’t vomit last time I teleported you!”
“Last time I hadn’t just come from a party with an ‘all you can eat cake buffet’” Twilight countered in between retches.
Starlight quickly cleaned Twilight and the front of Moon Dancer’s house, though there wasn’t much she could do about the lingering smell. “Just tell her you were off saving the world so you two could spend some quality time together without an evil tyrant taking over or something” she explained as she worked.
Once Twilight’s nausea had cleared up, Starlight knocked on Moon Dancer’s door before summoning a bouquet of roses. “And be sure to give her these!” She said before returning to her own time.
She immediately jumped up from her desk and ran to try to find Twilight, who was in the middle of grading the exams she had given out earlier that day.
“TWILIGHT! How are things with Moon Dancer?” Starlight said while prancing in place with excitement.
Twilight’s nostrils flared. “What? I haven’t talked to that whorse since she cheated on me with that psycho Minuette. How did you even know about her anyways?”
Starlight didn’t even answer, having her OTP crushed right before her eyes. She dejectedly walked from the room.
“I suppose I technically solved the problem, but the cost of my entire friendfiction collection remaining fictional is just too high” Starlight mumbled to herself before retreating back to her office to go solve the next problem.
Episode 96 Season 5 Episode 5 Tanks For The Memory
Just before Rainbow Dash was about to make a complete tit out of herself by utterly demolishing the Weather Factory, who should appear right in front of the multi-hued Pegasus but everypony's least favourite equalist, Starlight Glimmer.
"Wait, I know you..." Rainbow snarled, as if ready for a fight. Her memory wasn't always the best, but even she could recall three weeks ago. "You're that 'orrible pony who almost made me and my buddies die of boredom in that village where everything tasted like donkey droppings! Put 'em up, put 'em up!!"
Starlight sighed in annoyance. After all, she had a million and one (well, three-and-a-bit more seasons worth anyway) of episodes to rectify, so she had not the time nor the patience for this buffoonery. "Cool your jets, flygirl! There are a multitude of ways that I could disable or disembowel you now with just a simple wave of my horn, but I'm not here to do that! Believe it or not, things aren't quite so frosty between us in the future. Right now though, I'm here to prevent everything not just being 'frosty', but downright glacial!"
"H-Huh?!" Rainbow put her
fistshooves down momentarily in confusion. "B-But my plan is flawless. All I have to do is sneak inside, shut things down, and then all year long me and Tank...""Ah yes, your poor exhausted shellbound buddy." Starlight acknowledged the unconcerned amphibian by pointed to him, as he blithely grazed at the grass at the time-travelling unicorn's feet. "Can't you see, the poor little green guy wants his shuteye? You can't defy nature by going on this cockeyed quest to prevent the seasons from changing, you know! It's not going to work! All you'll do is create a lot of damage, destruction and discord up high, for which you unbelievably won't have to face any consequences at the end of it all but that's beside the point!"
"W-What?" Rainbow was getting even more confused now, feeling that Starlight was speaking in riddles. "Come again?"
"Why would I want to 'come again'? I'm already here now, silly. Besides, I have to leave again soon." Starlight had already had quite enough of chewing the fat with this winged numskull, and got straight down to business. "Do you remember when you first adopted Tank? How he saved your ass by pushing that rock out of the way? After you collided into the wall by not looking where you were going..."
"Shh, not so loud!" Rainbow frantically gestured to Starlight to be quiet, as this wasn't one of her proudest moments flight-wise. "There might be a rogue Wonderbolt on patrol, who might hear you. What you tryin' to do, scupper my chances forever?"
"Well, anyway..." Starlight said with a slight grin, knowing as she did Rainbow
CrashDash's future success at joining the daredevil clique. "Remember who actually finished in first place during the contest? The beautiful birdie who you almost took home, if not for your green guy's loyalty and persistence in the face of so much knuckleheaded ignorance?""Y-You couldn't possibly mean... Freddy The Falcon?" Rainbow almost burst into tears, as her feelings of guilt at leaving the poor carnivorous bird all alone threatened to consume her. "I-I felt so bad, telling him to do one. But when an animal comes alone and kinda saves your life, you, do sorta owe it to 'take him under your wing'..."
"Okay, okay. I think I get the point." Starlight wrinkled her nostrils slightly, both at Rainbow's unimaginative name and her weak, weak gag. "Anyway, what would you say if I told you I had 'Freddy' with me right now sitting in a cage over there, waiting for you?"
"I'd say 'shut up'!" A very skeptical Rainbow commented, raising her right eyebrow in the process.
"It's all true though!" Starlight used her magic to lift the cover off a cage just out of the range of Rainbow's periphery vision. "He'll keep you company throughout the cold Winter months, and all future ones where Tank has to hibernate, too! All you have to do is give up this insane, hopeless scheme you're about to hatch, and he's yours for as long as you need him! What do you have to say to that, then?"
"Shut up!" The many-coloured pegasus commented somewhat predictably, as he stared at the sharp-beaked bird of prey in amazement. "I-I mean... how on Equestria did you find him? And, he's okay with this?"
"Details, details!" Starlight had not time nor patience to explain her unfettered brilliance to mere mediocre equines. "And in answer to your second question, yes he is! Just as long as you don't go feeding him any pies, or anything..."
Rainbow was so involved in wandering over to examine the new feathered arrival, he almost missed Starlight's apparently random proviso there. "Pies?!"
"O-Oops, I've said too much. Gotta blast!" Starlight finally realised her time was up, and disappeared from view almost as quickly as she'd appeared, leaving behind two very stunned natural born flyers... and a blithely grass-chewing tortoise.
"That unicorn is weird..." Rainbow made a 'cuckoo' gesture with her hoof, at which Freddy seemed to squawk in agreement. "Still, at least she's probably saved me a trip to weather HQ. So, what say we get the two of you home, and get our new arrival here settled before Tank has his Big Sleep? So, anyway... if not pies, what do falcons eat anyway? Fruit and veg, I assume..."
At this juncture, Tank gave a suddenly sweating Freddy a cryptic glance, as if to say: You know, you still have time to change your mind now...
EPISODE 95 - Bloom & Gloom
Starlight rubbed her chin as she passed through the wibbly wobbly, timey wimey... Stuff... That was her time travel portal spell. She hoped the landing would go smoothly, so many hadn't, would she end up in somepony's closet next? She hoped not. “Let's see... That song ran a bit longer than expected, I bet I can pick up the pace on this next one if I arrive perfectly.”
A cup of tea levitated up to her mouth, and she took a sip, relaxing in a big, plush red chair while looking over the friendship journal. “Ah ha! Crusader's club house, that should catch it early!” Smugness began to show in her smirk, this next one would be a breeze. Suddenly, the chair and tea disappeared, leaving her back floating in the time travel vortex, where she proceeded to flail her limbs and scream. Time travel was really screwy.
“She can't be a Cutie Mark Crusader if she's already got her cutie mark.” Scootaloo pointed out to the other Crusaders, the letter from Babs Seed having revealed her recent acquisition of a cutie mark.
Applebloom left the small podium at the back of the clubhouse and trotted towards Scootaloo, contemplating. “Oh wow. I guess yer right.” When she sat, a downtrodden look accompanied it, wondering how the only other branch of the CMCs would continue on. Luckily she had her friends, and Sweetie Belle immediately spoke up, brushing aside the thoughts as she listened.
Just outside, Starlight was listening through the wooden door ready to pounce. “I hope I timed this right…” Her horn glowed with magic, a teleportation spell ready to be cast in the blink of an eye, or negative cutie mark ideas.
“I'm glad she's happy, but I sure wouldn't want to be up to my flank in mane hair all day. Can you imagine getting stuck with a cu-” Sweetie Belle was cut off by a sudden flash of brilliant light, and stumbled back with a cry of surprise. The other two crusaders had similar reactions, and when they looked up, a familiar and irritating pony stood before them.
“OH COME ON!” Sweetie Belle cried out, annoyance more than obvious from her tone.
“Now what?!” Scootaloo stomped a hoof, glaring at the pink unicorn. “Can you just stop messing with us already?!”
Starlight rolled her eyes and stuffed a slice of pizza in Sweetie's mouth. “Can it Squeaky Belle.” She turned her head to the others, smiling sweetly. “Oh you girls should thank me, I'm saving you from a ton of stress, so how about you go and try to get your cutie marks. I have another pony I need to talk to.”
There was another bright flash, this one much less surprising for the Crusaders, at least until they saw who it was.
“-stupid foal! I will destroy you, 1v1 me right n-...” Princess Luna sat in the treehouse, a headset on, and a controller hovering in her telekinetic grasp. She stared at the four other ponies, slowly hiding the gaming equipment behind her. “What am I doing here? Who has interrupted my important royal duties?!”
The Crusaders sat with their jaws wide open, unable to fully comprehend that the Lunar Princess had just appeared in their clubhouse. It didn't take any time for Starlight to comprehend it, she was a mare on a mission.
“Bad Princess! Do your job! These three fillies could've been fine if you had done your job!” Starlight was spraying Princess Luna with a water bottle, spritzing her like a cat.
Luna meanwhile, was flinching away, squeezing her eyes shut as she was assaulted by a fine mist. “What? What ar- stop! What is the meaning of this?! DID TIA PUT YOU UP TO THIS?”
“I STOP WHEN YOU AGREE!” Starlight answered back with a shout to meet the Princess's.
“I yield! Stop it!” The Princess of the Night begged for it to stop.
Starlight magic'd the bottle away and smiled, a job well done. “Good, well, I'll be off. Goodbye everyone. I'll remember you all in therapy.”
The meddling unicorn was sucked into a portal, disappearing seemingly without a trace, leaving three Crusaders and one Princess sitting in a treehouse.
“So uh, do ya... Do ya wanna play with us Princess?” Applebloom asked cautiously, while her two friends steamed over Starlight’s sudden appearance and equally sudden departure.
Luna just muttered something about K/D ratios and scowled at where her assaulter had been, all that was left was an empty bottle of ‘Arrogant Person Born of Parents Not Married to Each Other* Ale’ on it's side and a mix tape labeled ‘Glamorus Glimmer - Crunk Countdown.’
*AKA Bastard
Episode 106: Rarity Investigates!
Wind Rider stood quietly in a closet, waiting. The bait was set: cherry cake with custard filling, chocolate frosting with buttercream rosettes. Cinnamon Chai’s pastry masterpiece would be hard for anypony to resist, let alone humble royal guardsponies. A window at the end of the corridor was open, allowing a slight breeze to carry the aroma of the delectable cake. All he had to do was wait.
A visitor as important as the captain of the Wonderbolts warranted not two, but three royal guards. And as far as important figures to guard, the three pegasi assigned to guard duty much preferred to protect Captain Spitfire than, say, Prince Blueblood. But that’s not to say guarding the captain of the Wonderbolts was any more exciting. It was still a job of standing and waiting.
The three guards stood silently in the empty corridor outside the castle’s visitors’ suites. They were well-trained and disciplined, and stayed quiet, not moving a muscle, not even a feather. But even with their training, they could not remain absolutely silent.
One guard’s stomach growled. Then another’s followed in turn.
Sergeant Spearhead looked to the two guardsponies under him. “Did you forget to go to the mess hall before your shift?” he asked.
“We did, sir,” one replied.
“But it was hay casserole... again,” the other added.
“Private, I know we’re all sick of hay casserole, but it is our duty as guards to always be fit for battle. And that means proper nutrition, even if it’s in the form of another tasteless square of hay casserole.”
“Yes, sir,” the two privates said.
Another fine example of enforcing discipline, Sergeant Spearhead thought. But then his own stomach betrayed him.
A glare at the two privates told them in no uncertain terms to keep their mouths shut, but Spearhead knew what they were thinking.
And so, the guards stood, guarding the quiet corridor, the only sound the rumbling of their own stomachs. As the night wore on, the growling increased, until the sound in the corridor resembled a chorus of frogs with particularly bad indigestion.
“I smell something,” one of the privates said.
“What is it? Smoke?” Spearhead said.
“No, it’s... cake.”
“I smell it too,” the other said. “It’s cherry. And chocolate.”
Spearhead sniffed the air. Now he, too, smelled the cake. And it smelled delicious.
“Don’t go. It may be a trap,” Spearhead said.
“What kind of trap involves cake?” one of the privates said.
“Maybe it’s a gift. You know, recognition for doing a good job?” the other said.
“That’s ridi...” Spearhead started, before his stomach rumbled again. “You know what? I’m willing to put a gift cake in my mouth.”
But before the guards could leave their post, a flat cardboard box appeared at their hooves. The smell of cake was replaced by a much better aroma.
“Pizza!” the guards shouted.
“Wait. Is this a trap?” one of the privates asked Spearhead.
“This is from Raphayel’s, the best pizzeria in Canterlot. No way anypony would mess with a Raphayel's pizza.”
And the guards dug into the pizza, all thoughts of cake abandoned.
Halfway through the pizza, the three guards heard the metallic sound of shod hoofsteps approaching. And not just any hoofsteps. That particular ringing could only mean Princess Celestia was approaching!
The three guards stood at attention, but they knew they were caught. They had no way of cleaning the grease off their faces and wings, and there was no place to hide the leftover pizza. They stood and awaited their punishment.
Princess Celestia rounded the corner, and gave the guards a sly smile. “At ease, guards,” she said.
They wondered why she was in such a charitable mood, but then they saw why. The princess was in the same boat as them, eating as she walked. In her aura was a beautiful chocolate cherry cake with custard filling, decorated with buttercream rosettes.
“Princess? What brings you here this evening?” Sergeant Spearhead asked.
“Oh, an admirer sent me a note, saying there was cake waiting for me in some corridor of the castle. It said it was thanks for all the hard work I do.”
“Is that safe?”
“Oh, it’s perfectly fine,” she replied. “This is a Cinnamon Chai cake. And nopony would mess with a Cinnamon Chai cake.”
The guards nodded.
“Oh, and guards? You might want to do something about the stallion hiding in the broom closet down the hall."
098. Make New Friends but Keep Discord
It was a lovely Tuesday at a quaint little cottage near the edge of the Everfree, perfect for tea. Inside sat a pink-maned pegasus and another being that is an unholy amalgamation of a pony and a bunch of other things. As far as the occupants were concerned, nothing was wrong and all was right with the world.
That was until the universe itself rend itself open, and but for a moment, one could hear the colour purple, and through that rift stepped a Unicorn with a pale, light grayish heliotrope coat and purple and green mane.
Before either occupant of the cottage could react to the newest addition to their tea time, the Unicorn's horn began to glow and Discord found himself in a light turquoise aura, unable to move.
Knowing that she likely had about forty seconds before Discord broke out of her stasis spell, Starlight turned to Fluttershy, who was wide-eyed and in shock, most likely from hearing the colour purple, Starlight figured.
"You told him about Treehugger yet?" Starlight asked. Fluttershy shook her head to convey the negative. "Great, right on 'time'," Starlight said with a slight chuckle to herself for the in-joke. "Discord, don't worry, the stasis spell will wear off soon enough, but you need to accept the fact that Fluttershy is allowed to have friends other than you, and you need to get a handle on your jealousy." Starlight continued. "Furthermore, here's a change of address form and an application for a post-office box here in Ponyville. The Equestrian Postal Union can't keep sending its mail carriers for PTSD therapy every time you get sent a letter, like the one that is currently lost in the aether trying to diliver your Gala invitation." Starlight explained, slapping two sheets of paper down on the table. "Derpy is expecting these before end of business." She said, before turning back to Fluttershy. "I know that you can't always include your other friends in all of your get-togethers, but where Discord is concerned, you should be forthcoming because, let's face it," Starlight said, getting close enough to whisper to Fluttershy. "When it comes to Friendship, he's not the brightest hammer in the toolbox."
For what it's worth, Fluttershy tried to keep a straight face at that comment, but Starlight did notice the ever so slight curl at the corner of the pink maned pony's mouth.
Looking down at her stopwatch Starlight saw that there were only about ten seconds left, and she made a choice to exceed that thirty seconds rule she set for herself and started to levitate herself in the air so that she was nose to nose with Discord, just as the stasis spell was wearing off far sooner than she had expected. She made this small exception because while she still holds a tiny, itsy-bitsy grudge against Fluttershy for undoing all her plans in Our Town, over the time that she's known her, and from fixing all her other friendship problems, she's grown kinda fond of the shy scaredy-cat, and didn't want to see her get hurt.
"Fluttershy has invited her friend Treehugger to the Gala, who she is going to introduce you to later. Fluttershy is your best friend, and you don't want to hurt her, do you?" Starlight asked in a menacing tone. Discord shook his head no. "So you will keep your jealousy in check to make sure that doesn't happen, or Faust help me, I'll go back in time and make sure those meddlesome Cutie-Mark Disrupters have an argument in front of some other statue, far away from yours, are we clear mister?"
"Crystal." Discord said.
"Excellent." Starlight said with a smile before tearing the Universe a new one, leaving a Pizza Box in her place.
"Ooo... Pineapples... my favourite!" Discord exclaimed.
Starlight Fixes Dungeons and Discords
I almost forgot about doing this, since I told myself that it'd be so easy that I sorta just kept putting it off.
Starlight fixes everything: Episode 131 overall.
The Cart before the Ponies
Starlight once again stepped out from the portal as she’s done a hundred times or so. Blinking a few times in the morning sun, she spied three ponies upon a hill. “Oh, apples, quit complainin'! In my day, we were up even earlier!” Applejack said with a grin, the unicorn and the pegasus beside her nodded.
“Hey, I'd get up in the middle of the night if it means my cart crosses that finish line first and wins fastest!” Rainbow Dash took to the air, emphasising her words with her forelegs.
Just as Rarity opened her muzzle was when Starlight, stepped in. “Alright, enough is enough.” The three mares, and three fillies all looked towards the sound of the voice as Starlight crested the hill.
“Well, I never!” Rarity snorted a bit, her eyes narrowing as the purple unicorn came closer.
“Oh hush! Like you need to try and tell me I have bad manners. Look at what you three are doing!” The mare waved her hoof in the direction of the fillies. “This race is for them. Not for you big old losers to try and relive your foalhoods!”
“Hey!” Came a cry from above.
She narrowed her eyes again at Rainbow Dash. “Don’t make me come up there. Now, have you ever considered what they wanted?” Applejack opened her mouth to retort, but quickly shut it with a frown.
“She’s right ya’ll… We never did ask the youngins what they wanted…” Rarity and Rainbow Dash looked at each other for a moment, before both of them looked down in shame.
“There. Now my work here is done.” Starlight turned to leave before stopping in her track. “Oh wait! One last thing.” With a sly grin, she teleported behind Rainbow Dash and cuffed her upside the head. “That’s for next time.” She said quickly.
Before the pegasus could even respond, Starlight disappeared in a flash of light, leaving two confused mares and an angry pegasus. “Hey?! Grrr! Why do we keep letting her get away?!” With a shrug from the other two, Rarity and Applejack approached their respective sisters.
“Look, sorry we got carried away. We just had so much fun with it before, we wanted to make sure you all got the same experience!”
“Right, but we should really take your ideas into consideration. As this is YOUR reac after all.” The two foals hugged their sisters, while Rainbow huffed in annoyance.
“I TOTALLY would have the fastest cart.” Rainbow grumbled, a pout on her face and her forehooves crossed.
“Whatever you say Rainbow Dash. Can we go build our carts now?” Scootaloo stifled a giggle, nuzzling the older, blue Pegasus.
“Fine~....” The group shared a small laugh that Rainbow quickly joined in on. The echoes of laughter, carried itself on the wind and into the trees. Up above, a small twinkle, shone in the morning sky.
Episode 099: Starlight Fixes Griffonstone
“Alright, we’re almost to the top. Finally,” grunted Rainbow Dash with some effort. She’d never admit it, but the climb up the Hyperborean Mountains had really taken it out of her. Being weighed down by a heavy pack didn’t help, though the traditional Llamangolian hat was pretty cool. “I don’t know why I couldn’t just fly here.”
“BECAUSE!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, “Twilight’s guidebook says that ‘coming around the final pass after a long climb and finally revealing the city in all its splendor is one of the great wonders of Griffonstone’!”
Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I don’t care about her book. Let’s just get in, solve this friendship problem, and get home.”
“Aww. Twilight should have come along. Then she could have seen firsthoof that Griffonstone is-” Both ponies stopped and gaped. After a moment of slack-jawed silence, Pinkie finished, “...expecting us?”
Sure enough, across the city’s front gate hung a banner that read “Welcome Elements of Harmony!” Just inside the city, a wide variety of griffons and ponies mingled, sampling baked goods from a snack table.
As the pair entered the city, they couldn’t help but look around, awestruck. Griffonstone wasn’t as magnificent as Twilight had led them to believe. It had more of a recovering boomtown vibe, like a city that had fallen to ruin and was now being rebuilt. Indeed, many buildings were still in various stages of construction, and a sideroad was only half paved. But most baffling was the presence of dozens of ponies.
Dash looked to her friend. “What gives? I thought Twilight said nopony had been here in centuries.”
“I know!” Pinkie gasped. “I love surprise parties, but usually I’M the surprise, not the surprisee.
“SURPRISE DWEEBS!” came a sudden screech from behind them. Rainbow lept a full dozen ponylengths in the air before landing in a battle stance. Before her stood the one griffon she’d been hoping to avoid: Gilda.
“Heyyy, Dash! Good to see ya! Still got those cat-like reflexes I see. You ponies are right on time.”
“Gilda,” Rainbow growled. “What’s going on here?”
The Griffon smirked. “Uhh, what’s it look like? Your welcome party.
“How’d you even know we were going to be here?” Dash demanded.
Gilda squinted at the pegasus. “Uhh ‘cause they told me. I’m, like, an ambassador now.”
“WHO told you!? Who are all these ponies!?”
“The diplomatic team,” Gilda answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “You know. The Foreign Aid Ponies? The Eff Ay Pee?”
Pinkie cocked her head. “The Fap?”
Gilda grinned. “Yeah! These FAP’ers came, like, six months ago. Said they were here for a goodwill mission on behalf of the Princess of Friendship. They’ve been helping us rebuild.”
Dash and Pinkie looked at each other. “Princess of Friendship? But Twilight-”
Gilda shook her head. “Oh right. I was supposed to tell them when you-” She interrupted herself, turned, and waved across the square. “Hey, Cracked Corn! They’re here!”
An elderly stallion, coat faded almost complete white looked up from the conversation he was having with a green-plumaged griffon hen wearing a scarf.
He made his way to the group and Gilda nodded at him. “This geezer is Cracked Corn. He’s in charge of the FAP.”
The stallion bowed his head to Rainbow and Pinkie. “Oh, only informally. ‘Cracked Corn’ is a nickname these feisty cats came up with. But please, just call me Corn Cart. It’s an honor to meet the Elements of Harmony.
Pinkie’s eyes rolled upwards and then ticked back and forth as if she were reading something, then looked back to Corn Cart. “Wait… if I remember Granny Pie’s history lessons, weren’t you the 39th governor of Savaneigh?”
Corn nodded and scratched the back of his head. “Yep. And a peanut farmer before that.”
“Wait, if you’re a peanut farmer, why is your name ‘Corn’?” Dash muttered.
“But now I just represent Estates for Equinity,” Corn continued. “We’re a charity that builds homes for those in need in impoverished third world nations.
Gilda’s eyes narrowed, “Did he just call us a- Nevermind. Anyway, I just wanted to say I’m sorry about how I treated you in Ponyville. I’mma let you ponies talk.” And with that, she wandered off.
The remaining pony trio watch her go a moment before Dash turned to Corn Cart. She took a deep breath. “WhyAreYouAllHereHow’dYouKnowWe’dBeHereWhy’dYouHaveToRebuildThePlaceWhat’sAFap?” She gasped and caught her breath. “What. The hey. Is going on here?”
Corn’s brow furrowed. “Oh my, you seem a mite confused. I’d have thought Princess Celestia would fill you in before you came.”
Pinkie and Dash turned to each other again. “Princess Celestia?”
Corn nodded. “Oh my yes. A little more than six months ago, a lavender unicorn appeared before Princess Celestia. She told her Princess Twilight had learned what a mess Griffonstone had become in the hundred years since the Idol of Boreas was lost and had put together a plan for a good will equitarian mission to our neighbor in need. Then she gave the Princess this letter and disappeared in a beautiful, but mysterious flash of light, leaving nothing behind but a faint scent of lilac."
With that, Corn pulled out a letter and showed it to the pair. Surely enough, it contained detailed instructions and lists for a 15-point recovery plan involving aid in the form of bits and supplies, and an diplomatic team consisting of ambassadors, financial planners, therapists specializing in fields from anger management to couples therapy, and a crack team of spelunkers. And at the bottom, it was signed,
“Hugs and Kiss,
The Second Best Student In Equestrian History,
TwiTwi
P.S. I don’t want credit for this mission, so please don’t discuss it with me ever again. If you do, I’ll pretend to have no knowledge of any of this.”
Dash groaned and dropped her face into her hooves. She should have stayed home and finished her nap.
“Look on the bright side,” Pinkie chirped. “At least we got cool hats.”
6575699
Really came down to the wire on this one, both in time AND word count. My initial draft went over 1200 words. I had to cut out some extra words and dialogue that I felt made the thing flow better, plus I had to cut out Greta's part entirely. If anyone is interested in reading the extended version, here it is: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/419453/starlight-fixes-griffonstone (Can you even link to unpublished stories anymore?)
EDIT: Guess not. Here's the Googledoc: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1NU96iWj-TD1ssWWxXLJ-qOZXSTyjoEEhx-91kMP72s4/edit?usp=sharing
124. Newbie Dash
Rainbow Dash merrily walks on the field of the Wonderbolt's Academy in her newly acquired Wonderbolt's uniform, finally doing what she wanted most since she was just a filly.
Heading towards the other side of the most identifiable feature of the academy, the large runway, without a worry in the world, not paying attention to her surroundings or the first rule while crossing the runway "Always check both ways before crossing the runway", which is basic and simple, who can forget something like that?, she could've seen a pair of Wonderbolts flying at top speed towards the runway making the middle of it a collision point that will ultimately result in a disaster in which poor Rainbow Dash would gain the once forgotten nickname of "Rainbow Crash"...
Or so would be it if it wasn't for a meddling Starlight Glimmer.
A flash of lavender light get's in the peripheral vision of Rainbow Dash and when she turns her head to look at it, the flash happens again, leaving a confused Rainbow Dash and an empty runway to cross.
126. Starlight Fixes "Rarity For You"
Rarity, though surrounded by friends and committed to her venture, was thrown into a panic due to the state of her new boutique on the day of its opening. “What am I going to do-o-o!” she wailed.
Just then, Starlight Glimmer popped in and said, “Couldn’t help but overhear Rarity. It seems like you have a lot of simple things to deal with before the opening. So, why don’t you just use magic?”
Rainbow Dash was the first to reply, “That’s your answer to everything.”
“That’s because it works,” Glimmer said.
“Hard work ‘works’,” AJ responded. “Magic just messes everything up.”
“Work smarter, not harder,” Glimmer quoted. “Am I right, Twilight?”
“We are using magic, Starlight,” Twilight answered. “The magic of friendship. Together, there’s nothing we can’t do. Maybe a spell could be useful, but working as a team is always the most rewarding.”
“Yes, rah, teamwork, friendship, et cetera,” Rarity cheered with her friends. She then turned to Starlight and asked in a whisper “What are you thinking? For a spell I mean? What do your recommend?”
“I think you’ll like this one.” For the next 10 seconds, Rarity, under the effects of Exelero, completed absolutely everything that needed to be done in the store.
Twilight gave Starlight an incredulous glare, but Applejack looked apologetic, hat in hoof. “Wow, that was, uh… do you think I could, uh, maybe ask for that spell next cider season?”
“I’ll think about it.” She called out as she left, “Have a good opening, Rarity!”
“I can’t thank you enough, Darling!” she called back with a song.
“Can you two please stop encouraging her?” Twilight scolded.
“Do you think if she used that spell on me I could hit light speed?” Rainbow asked.
“Rainbow Dash, I swear to Celestia-”
Starlight fixes “Applejack's ‘Day’ Off” with… Sabotage! (And Six Sigma! (And Bacon!))
By CoffeeMinion
It was a warm, fine day at Sweet Apple Acres, and Applejack leapt off the top of her barn with a smile. She soared out over the pig-yard below, gritting her teeth in anticipation of the rope around her midsection pulling tight, leaving her to dangle back and forth from the ungainly apparatus that she'd rigged for the purpose of performing just one of the myriad arcane steps in the ritual of pig-feeding.
But before it could pull tight, she heard the loud pop of a time travel spell resolving nearby. She cursed under her breath that she even knew what that sounded like, then cursed again as she saw Starlight Glimmer waving at her from the path that led to the barn. Her horn was lit--a sure sign of trouble.
In fact, Applejack was so distracted by Starlight's sudden appearance that she missed the moment when she would've expected the rope to catch her. It wasn't until just before she landed hooves-first on the squishy--but still not entirely yielding--ground below, that she began to realize something was amiss.
*SPLOOSH*
In time--which may well have been just a hoofful of seconds--Applejack brought her muzzle up and out of the mud and muck of the pig pen. Rattled as she was, it took another few moments for her to realize that Starlight was standing just on the other side of the pig fence.
“First of all, I'm sorry,” Starlight said. “I slowed your fall down a lot with my magic, but you're heavier than you look, y'know?”
“Wut,” Applejack burbled.
“You're just so stubborn,” Starlight said. “Thinking you don't need a break every once in a while. Thinking everything has to be done ‘just so,’ otherwise it's crap! Well guess what, your rope could've broken without magical intervention, and then where would you be? Assuming you even survived the fall, you would've had to hire help for a while so you could rest. And they wouldn't know all your crazy ‘just so’ ways of doing things.” She took a long breath. “You know, that's the whole point of hiring professionals: they'll do it right the first time, and it'll all work out for the better in the long run.”
Starlight then levitated out a stack of coupons, and a book. “Here's some ‘light reading’ about operational efficiency and process improvement. Go to the freakin’ spa a few times and read it.”
With that, there was a loud POP, and Starlight was gone.
A pig walked over and nuzzled at Applejack’s side. She rolled over with a groan, picked herself up off the ground, and patted a mud-slick hoof on the pig’s back.
“Maybe she's right, ol’ girl,” Applejack said. “Maybe it's time we just refocus Sweet Apple Acres on producing Apple- and Zap-Apple-based products, and quit trying to prime the pump for a Ponyville bacon market.”
The pig grunted at her.
“Naw, don't worry, ol’ girl; we'll make sure y’ go to a good new home.”
And that's how Griffonstone began its new tradition of an annual Baconfest.
113 What About Discord
*Poof* Starlight touched down amongst a pile of books.
"Gah!" shouted Twilight. "Celestia on a bike! Would you stop just dropping in like this? Can't you at least, like, use the front door?"
"No can do, silly filly," replied Starlight. "I'm on a schedule here and I'm sticking to it! Speaking of, did you know your friends are hanging out this weekend? You should go join them."
Twilight looked torn. "But... I've been planning this book sorting for... for weeks!"
"Well then," Starlight replied as she slowly trotted around the castle Library, "it sounds like you have a decision to make. But I will say this: If you decide to stay in and organize books all weekend; you aren't allowed to be jealous when your friends have fun without you."
"Me? I'm never jealous!"
"And I'm never manipulative. Welp, I gotta go now. Toodles!"
And Twilight was left alone, at least until Spike wandered back in. "Hey Twi, were you talking to somepony?"
"Oh, you know, the usual suspect."
116 & 117. The Cutie Re-Mark
Starlight Glimmer snuck into the Starswirl the Bearded wing of the Canterlot Archives. She sifted through the books and scrolls until she finally found what she was looking for. The infamous time travel spell. She unrolled the scroll and began to read it, working out how to modify it to go back and stop the Sonic Rainboom.
"Working on changing Starswirl's spell?" Starlight asked. Starlight jumped, looking up at Starlight. Starlight fired a spell at Starlight but Starlight blocked Starlight's spell.
"Woah, easy girl! I'm excited to see you too," she said. "And before you ask, no, I'm not a changeling. I'm you from the future."
"You're from the future!?" she asked. She nodded.
"Yup. And I'm gonna save you a bunch of time with that," she said, taking the scroll and incinerating it.
"Hey!"
"Don't worry. I've got a quicker way. I'mma just need to borrow that..." Before Starlight could react, her future-self pulled the cutie mark from her flank. She yowled in pain as an equal-sign took it's place.
"That hurt like hell!" she yelled.
"And you did it to an entire village. Think about that for a second until I get back." In a flash of light, future Starlight vanished.
~
Sire's Hollow: many years earlier.
A colt and filly were stacking books into a tower. Suddenly it was about to fall onto the filly, but the colt caught it with his magic and save her. He got his cutie mark and ran outside to show everyone. The filly just watched from the window and pouted, resenting him for getting his cutie mark while she still didn't.
In a flash of purple light, her older-self appeared.
"No worries, kid. I gotcha covered!" Starlight said to her younger self, passing the hovering cutie mark to her and it stuck itself onto her flank.
"Thank you Cutie Mark Fairy!" filly Starlight squealed as she ran out into the town square to celebrate with her friends and family.
~
Starlight reappeared in the Canterlot archives barely an instant after she left. She grabbed her former self in her magic. The other was helpless to stop her with the equal sign on her flank.
The two of them teleported to Twilight's castle. Starlight dumped her captive on the floor at Twilight's hooves.
"Here you go," Starlight said. "One Former-Me, awaiting to be reformed." Future Starlight vanished as Twilight and her friends gathered around the former Starlight in a small circle. Grins spread across their faces.
"Time for friendship..."
118 & 119. The Crystalling
In a flash of purple light, Starlight Glimmer appeared in Twilight's castle, along with her time-traveling companion.
"How is she doing?" Starlight asked Twilight Sparkle, inquiring about her former self, whom she had previously left there with and equal sign on her flank.
"She's... fine," Twilight said of her Starlight. "Fully reformed but... who is that?" Twilight asked, looking at the other pony that Starlight had brought with her.
"Her? Oh, I made a little stop by the Mirror Pool on my way here," Starlight said, motioning to her duplicate.
"What's... what's wrong with her?" former Starlight asked. Starlight's duplicate stood at a crooked angle. Her eyes were crossed and she breathed through her open mouth, with a dribble of saliva hanging from her chin. Starlight looked at Twilight and blushed.
"I... I may have peed in the Mirror Pool. But isn't she cute though? I call her StarDim."
StarDim grunted.
"Anyway, since my former-self has been reformed, I brought a gift," Starlight said, pulling the cutie mark from Star Dim.
"Gnah! Dat Urt!" Star Dim groaned before she inflated like and over-filled balloon and exploded into smoky purple dust, zipping off through a window to return back to the Mirror Pool. With a flick of her magic, Starlight gave the cutie mark back to her former-self.
"Thanks," she thanked herself.
"By the way, this was in your mail," Starlight gave Twilight a letter from the Crystal Empire.
"Cadance had her baby!" Twilight said, reading the letter.
"I love babies!" Pinkie Pie said as she burst through the front door.
Not through the open front doorway.
Through the door. Like, the Hulk.
"And babies love Pinkie Pie," Starlight said with a smile. Her smile vanished as she looked at Twilight with a grave tone. "Do not EVER take Pinkie Pie away from that baby."
"Why?"
"Trust me on this. The fate of the Empire is at stake. Babies hate Pinkie-withdrawal. At least until after Sunburst does the Crystaling."
"Sunburst?" former Starlight asked.
"Yeah. That unemployed pony kinda failed at life too, so don't feel bad about yourself. He needs to be given a purpose. He'll be happy to see you and he'll be a great Crystaller. Got it?"
"... kay."
"Great! Toodles!" And with another flash of light, she was gone.
136. The Fault In Our Cutie Marks
The cutie mark crusaders eagerly looked up at Twilight, having just asked her if it were possible for Gabby the griffon to somehow receive a cutie mark artificially through the use of powerful magic.
“...ummm I’m not sure if any of you remember, but using magic to get a cutie mark never really works out all that well.” The lavender alicorn looked down at the three small fillies with a smug, knowing look.
You could see the hearts of the three crusaders deflate simultaneously as they realised that they would need to crush their new griffon friend’s dream.
*SNAP*
A bright green flash filled the library of Twilight’s library, and Starlight Glimmer, time traveler-cum-fixer extraordinaire, stepped through.
“Oh not you again, Starlight.” Twilight sighed, raising a hoof to massage her temple..
“Actually, Twilight, girls…” Starlight grinned, ignoring Twilight’s negative reaction to her arrival. “I think that we can give this griffon a cutie mark with the help of magic… though maybe not quite in the way you’re thinking!”
Twilight groaned aloud. “I wash my hooves of this.” Shaking her head in an attempt to ward off her impending headache, she quickly exited the library before hearing any more of her protege’s scheme.
Starlight looked over at Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, her grin growing wide, “Soooo…. This griffon, Gabby… she wants a cutie mark more than anything right?”
The girls nodded.
“She’d give up everything she had just to get any sort of symbol on her flank, right?”
At this, Sweetie Belle spoke up, somewhat suspiciously. “W-well, I mean… I don’t think she’d be OK with just any mark. She’d probably reject it if we brought out a red-hot brand or a tattoo needle.”
Both Applebloom and Scootaloo couldn’t help but look at their friend with incredulity and disbelief.
“What!? You can’t tell me you guys never considered those methods!”
Applebloom and Scootaloo shook their heads in disapproval, making Sweetie sink slightly, before a reassuring hoof patted her on her cream-colored mane.
“That’s actually… pretty devious. Good thinking Sweetie Belle.” Starlight Glimmer encouraged with a chuckle, “...but, if your griffon friend is that committed to getting a mark, I think I have a plan that won’t require such chicanery.”
…
The Cutie Mark Crusader’s treehouse was a scene of great happiness and excitement.
Kind of.
“Wow. This. Is. So. Amazing.” Gabby deadpanned, looking back at her own flank. “It’s everything. I ever dreamed. That it would be.”
A skeptical Applebloom tilted her head and cocked an eyebrow in query to the griffon’s reaction. “Yew shure about that Gabby? Ya don’t seem tah be that excited?”
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle nodded in agreement. They’d both seen more enthusiasm from Maud Pie at a paint-drying exhibition.
“No. Really.” Gabby monotoned, weakly pumping her fist in the air. “This is great. What does it mean?”
“It, uh… kinda looks like an equals sign?” Scootaloo offered, poking the griffon’s flank. “Why does it seem like Gabby is more… gray? Well… I mean... more gray than usual?”
Starlight shrugged. “Eh, it’s just a side effect of the spell. Sometimes ponies also get really smiley sometimes… buuuut that might have been more because of the will of a tyrannical (but very cute) communist despot.” Starlight shook her head and waved her hoof when she saw that she was only getting strange looks from the fillies near her. “Anyway! She got a ‘cutie mark’, so my job here is done… I’ll be heading out now.” Starlight’s horn ignited for the second time in as many minutes, as she opened a time portal to head out to her next ‘fixing’ mission.
“Wait! W-what do we do with this?” Sweetie Belle asked, pointing at the small glass jar which held a shining spark of magical energy, recently extracted from Gabby.
“Meh, whatever you want. I kept mine in a cool-looking display unit… gotta go, later… or sooner… whatever!” Starlight stepped through her time portal, winking out of existence.
“Huh. Well. H-how do you feel Gabby?” Scootaloo asked. “Want to help us help other ponies around town, or help other ponies try to find their cutie marks?”
“Eh. I actually feel. Kinda tired.” Gabby shrugged. “I think I’ll just. Go home and. Do nothing. Bye girls.” Gabby flapped off, the high-energy helpfulness that had made her who she was gone.
“Well… b-bye Gabby.” Sweetie Belle waved, unsure of herself. The girls all looked at one another, not quite confident that they’d done the right thing.
“C-cutie Mark Crusaders, mission success? Yay?” The girls semi-cheered without enthusiasm.
Starlight Fixes Buckball Season
135. Buckball Season
“If you buck them, they will come,” advised Starlight, as she hopped straight out of a portal and into the seat beside Rainbow. A whistle jangled around her neck as she sat back, enjoying a moment of resting her weary legs. Fixing everything was hard on the hooves!
“What the-!” gasped the blue pegasus, blinking nervously at the mare, who wrapped a very friendly leg around the pony’s shoulders. “This is supposed to be a family game. Applejack, you said this was a family game!”
“I- It is! I ain’t- Starlight, what to corn do you mean? My cousin’s in that team!”
“Wow, you took it to that level?” smirked the purple mare thoughtfully, “the sport’s called Buckball! You got dark skeletons in that closet, you two.” The pair of sporting ponies whinnied awkwardly, looking to each other, then anywhere but as they tried to resolve them matter by not thinking about it.
“What in consternation are y’doin’ here, Glimmy?” asked the farm mare to the ceiling of the rocking coach. “This is just a game of … this is just a match between Ponyville and Appleloosa, t’ain’t a friendship lesson?”
“Oh, I beg to differ,” Starlight murmured as she gestured to the tentative forms of their fellow salmon and buttercup athletes, approaching with heavy hearts. This was not the zone of relaxation and concentration their team captains had requested them to be in, and thus Rainbow flew off the hoof and moved like a Buckball flying into an own goal.
“Hey, you two are supposed to be in the zone!”
“Okay, this is what I was talking about,” Starlight went on to explain, still hugging Rainbow’s tight shoulders with her foreleg and mentally reminding herself to offer the mare a spa trip when she returned to her own time, “you’ve bucked them a little too much and now they’ve come to-”
“There's no way that we can get in the zone, because the zone sounds like a horrible place since we are terrible at buckball and we are going to-” Fluttershy’s bitter and frantic screams were cut off by the sound of a shrill squeal, emanating from the whistle between Starlight’s lips. Once it had silenced every argument, and the hooves had hit every ear, the silver metal noise maker dropped from her lips and bounced on it’s chain.
“What’s the first rule of Friendship club, Flutter-Pie?” she demanded, pointing a hoof directly at them. The pair blinked at her dumbly with their hooves still hugging their ears until the sugared lilac mare gestured them to physically unmute their surroundings. The question was repeated.
“No smoking,” answered Pinkie confidently, and with some thought, the clock watcher realised the party-maker was not wrong.
“I meant the first rule of section fourteen, paragraph B of the Friendship club code.” she recited it easily from memory, “‘no pony talks about the zone!’” she turned and gave Rainbow ‘The Look’. She reserved that look for tell-tales, twerps asking for her counselling who come with incomprehensible problems, and ponies who talk in the theatre. It successfully put Rainbow in her place.
“The second rule in the same paragraph is, ‘We do not think everypony is like us,’”
“Um, no it isn’t!” Pinkie scrambled her hoof into her tail and tugged out a copy of the tome she kept for important occasions like this, “the second rule is, “WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE ZONE!” but in ALL CAPS RAGE!” she advised Starlight with the appropriate rage an all capitals quote should be read in. The unicorn rearranged her face from the Ponylo Picasso work of art it had been messed up into, and cleared her throat.
“I meant the third rule?” she enquired hopefully, and Pinkie nodded astutely, returning her copy of the rules to its rightful place. “The point I’m raising is - in this lifetime you don’t have to prove nothing to nobody except yourselves. Instead of running from this pain - step into it! You’ll make it. All you want to do is go have fun, so go have fun! Don’t worry about winning! Help these two, to help you. If you do that, you’re going to eat lightning and buck buckballs like there’s no tomorrow!” Starlight finished her speech and looked to the other two. “Am I right?”
“Err, yeah! I mean, we wanna win but t’ain’t nothin’ if y’all don’t enjoy it,” agreed a dubious Applejack. Their teammates looked to one another, before giving small, cautious nickers to the others.
“So we aren’t letting Ponyville down if we lose?” Fluttershy queried circumspectly.
“Nope,” grinned Snails, popping his head up from his chair, just do what I do and not think about it. Seriously. I don't think about anything. Ever.”
“Oooooh!” The revelation lit Pinkie Pie up like a Hearth Warming candle, “That works for me!” She looked to Fluttershy, who gave a relieved nod, and together the pair turned and walked back towards their carriage with more ease in their once-troubled minds.
“Well, looks like that’s another job well done,” grinned Starlight, putting a big green tick in her copy of the Friendship Journal and firing up a new portal home.
“What in the apple are you talkin’ about?” Applejack grunted with a deep frown, “Snails saved the day this time, all y’all did was plagiarize a bunch’a different speeches!” Starlight squeaked in horror and her jaw wobbled uncouthly at the claim, but it could not be disputed further. She pouted furiously and as she popped out of existence, a square box with a moustached stereotype in chef overalls on the cover appeared in Applejack’s lap.
The two ponies gasped hungrily and eagerly opened the box, only to reveal that the pizza was - ugh! Healthy! There was spinach, broccoli, even celery as a topping! Applejack grumbled in frustrated gluttony and slammed the box, pushing it away to Snails. He ate the whole thing, for he did not think about it.
“Starlight’s a real sore loser, huh?”
“Eeyup.”
137. Viva Las Pegasus
Winning bells chimed, excited ponies cheered and stimulating music poured through the foyer of Gladmane’s amusement joint, though it’s facilities seemed to have an end purpose of keeping the stallion himself in sustained supply of sparkling capes. Bad business was good business for Gladmane, and he could tear friendships apart without a bat of an eyelid if it kept his pockets lined with gold bits. He did not care about the honest ponies’ fracturing relationships, therefore was less fazed by the angry cracks he’d brought to the kinship of brothers Flim and Flam.
What the great and powerful mind of the tremendous Trixie wondered as she watched a very troubled brother on brother wobbler, was why Starlight had to fix this friendship lesson. Couldn’t they unfix a problem, just this once?
She trusted her closest friend’s plan but this time around at least she could play with the formula she was given. So, whilst Starlight Glimmer sent Fluttershy and Applejack up to Gladmane’s office early to trick him into confessing all on the facility's tannoy system, Trixie strolled into the argument of the battling boys, threw down a chair and sat watching with a box of popcorn, chewing loudly. The sound forced their snarling snouts apart.
The twins looked ready to take fresh complaints up with the pony who’d pulled them out of their furious fight, but their growls turned to whinnies of shock at who they saw instead.
“Trixie?!” Yipped Flim.
“Snugaboo?!” Gawped Flam.
“Why are you here?” they both gasped in unison, then shot glares at each other for daring to sync up. The young sorceress smirked playfully and gave them both a sock in the shoulder.
“The Pleased and Aroused Trixie would have assumed that was obvious,” she snorted, after nearly choking from laughter on a mouthful of confectionary. “The pair of you are finally dealing with this unhealthy relationship you have with each other and I want a front row seat.”
“Unhealthy relationship?” Cried Flim, “we’re brothers! The only unhealthy relationship was that stallion,” he tossed his leg at Flam, “and one ‘Woefully Unhygienic Trixie!’ I mean, have you not heard of washing plates in a sink?” The obnoxious yells were drawing in the crowd of the other performers to the main area, wondering who this funny mare in a hat was and why she was sticking her oar in to FlimFlam’s problems.
“Firstly, Trixie has said many times, chores stop a pony from doing more important things, such as learning new acts for my thrilling shows, and plotting revenge on the pair of you.”
“Snugaboo!” groaned Flam.
“Secondly, yes, unhealthy! For if it was not for your meddling, Flim Skim, Flam might still be my-“ she faltered, realising for the first time the opportunity she was being presented with now.
“S-Snugaboo?” Asked Flam, wavering uncertainly.
“You took the words right out of my mouth,” Trixie exclaimed, losing her box of popped corn kernels across the floor when she leaped out of her chair, cleared the distance between them and launched straight into the moustached monsieur. “Now replace those words with something hot and slimey!” The kissing started horrendously, and only grew worse from there.
Flim, watching the terrible display of public affection, squealed in an unmanly fashion and grabbed the mare before it could go too far. He tugged her up and away in his magic, then jumped across to block Flam’s view of the snapping, snarling mare.
“I have been a fool, brother of mine!” yelped the brother, only older by several minutes. “By forcing you away, I nearly pushed you back into the hooves of that trashy-novel reading, hoof-clippings discarding, hot-water hogging, bed sheet stealing, other pony’s lunches eating, free-loading mare!”
“Let me go! He’s mine!” howled Trixie, trying to fight the magic bubble she was encased in, “You’re just jealous that we kicked you out of our bed, Flim! Brothers sleeping in the same bed at thirty years old is weird!” But ‘the Brains’ ignored her, helping his brother back to his hooves.
“But what I really want to know, little brother, is why we ended up fighting at all!” pondered Flim.
“Snugaboo?” nodded Flam. Then, as if answering, a showbiz voice rose from the speakers in the main hall.
“...Unlike your pathetic little ploy. I practically invented the ‘High Roller Hustle’. But I suppose I should be impressed,” Gladmane was chuckling at his own prowess, unaware his employees were listening in disgust to his every word, “You're the only ponies to ever figure out the secret to my success. Takes a lot of work keepin' everypony fightin'. But as long as I keep 'em convinced that I'm their only friend, all of Las Pegasus will be mine. Oh, you can't trick a confession out of a pony like me! I'm always one step ahead.”
Starlight Glimmer had successfully convinced Fluttershy and Applejack to trick Gladmane into monologuing, proven by the next voice on the system.
“Well, you better check your hooves, because you've just stepped in a confession!”
“What?” The phoney king of the hustle’s bodiless voice yelled in horror, “n-no! Wait-wait-wait! I can explain!”
“How’s that soundin’ out there, Starlight Glimmer?” AJ eagerly asked through the loudspeaker. There was a poof, and the ‘Fixer’ appeared by Trixie’s floating feral form, saluting up the the boss’s window.
“Crystal clear down here, you two!” She turned to face Trixie, hoping the task was a success, only to see her trying to make kissy faces through Flim’s energy field, not close enough to Flam to make a impact.
“Let me go, Flim! He’s mine! Trixie needs tongues only Flammy-Whammy’s can provide!” Starlight blinked at this example of a plan gone horribly wrong, reached out to grab Trixie and gave a long suffering sigh.
“Note to self; leave well enough alone,” and with that final thought, both ponies zipped back to the future.
“Snugaboo…” came Flam’s lamentful, lonely voice.
~Fin~
Don't [or do] include the video, it's just the title
The cave was cold. It was also deeper than Starlight Glimmer had thought as when she popped into existence she instantly started plummeting into the ravene. Luckily, she was caught very quickly. Plot conveniently quickly some might say. The changeling was holding her by the mane in his mouth. “Ahh, Steve, there you are.” Starlight said as her horn lit and the two of them vanished.
“That’s why we posted the extra guards. And…” Shining Armour said but had his sister finished his sandwich.
“Checking every pony’s identity.”
*pop*
“Argh! There it is!” Spike yelled “Starlight, get away from it!”
“I’m over here Spike.” Starlight replied.
“Argh! It’s copying Starlight!” Spike yelled again.
“Guard! Form ranks! Defend Flurry Heart!” Shining Armour ordered as he moved towards the two changelings. As the stallions formed a wall in front of Cadence, Flurry Heart and Sunburst, Shining Armour advance while pulling a spear from seemingly nowhere. He throw the spear. It bounced off of a shield around the two of them. “Guards, attack!”
They all pulled spears out of nowhere and through them. They also bounced off of the shield generated by Future Starlight Glimmer who for the sake of knowing which is which will hereby be referred to as Glim Glam. “This is Ste-” Glim Glam began but was cut off by Shining Armour ordering another attack.
Twelve more spears came flying at them. All of them bouncing off of the shield “It’s not working Sir!”
“Well keep trying!” Shining commanded, followed by a third volley of spears.
Glim Glam grabbed all the spears in mid air and snapped them. “As I was saying... this is Ste-”
“We’re out of spears Sir.”
“Well get more!” he yelled as he faced the horrible creature before him.
Spike stepped up beside Twilight and asked “Wait… if Glim Glam over there is that good with magic, what if that Starlight is the changeling?!”
Shining immediately abouted face towards Starlight. “What? No. I’m not a changel-”
“Wha-Shining stooooaaaarrrgghh!!!...” Cadence yelled. Shining Armour was out of spears and the changeling was so close, he had to resort to his next best weapon. He picked up Cadence and moonballed her at the changeling. “Oouuuggghh……” both she and Starlight groaned as their now lay piled on top of each other.
“Sir, we have more spears!” some guard announced.
“Fiar!” Shining proclaimed as a hail of spears shot towards the changeling… and his wife. At the spear hit the two of them disappeared in a *pop* and appeared in front of Glim Glam.
“Now. As I was saying.” Glim Glam stated with obvious annoyance in her voice. “This. Is Ste-” she was interrupted once more as Twilight was flung into her shield. “Seriously…?” she asked, raising an eyebrow and looking at Shining who was in turn eyeing his daughter and last alicorn projectile he had, weighing the risks in his head.
“I surrender.” Shining declared and raised his hooves into the air.
“Oh for the love of Faust…” Glim Glam muttered while raising a hoof her her forehead and pinching the bridge of her nose. “For the last time. This is Steve. He’s a changeling. Say ‘Hi’ Steve.”
“Uh… actually. My name is Thorax.” Steve replied.
“Good.” Glim Glam continued. “Now that you’ve surrendered to me, say ‘Hi’ King Sombre.”
“Uh… actually my name’s Shining Armour. Prince Shining Armour. Not King Sombre.”
“Really? I thought the ruler of the Crystal Umpire was King Sombre. You know, tyrant, slaver, conqueror. You seem to fit the bill.”
“I am nothing like him!”
“And there you have it…” Glim Glam said as she pushed Steve forwards. “Why don’t you two discuss how you’re nothing like those in the same position as you and the ponyising trait of having your own names, lives and being individuals that shouldn’t be treating based on what they are but rather by the...” she paused and looked at how he’d thrown two ponies, two princesses no less, at her “...merits of what they’ve done.”
*pop*
And Glim Glam was gone.
*pop*
And glim Glam was back. “By the way, his mother’s name is Martha.”
*pop*
“Really? Mine too!” Shining said making them instant best friends.
Alternate
The cave was cold. It was also deeper than Starlight Glimmer had thought as when she popped into existence she instantly started plummeting into the ravene. Luckily, she was caught very quickly. Plot conveniently quickly some might say. The changeling was holding her by the mane in his mouth. “Ahh, Steve, there you are.” Starlight said as her horn lit and the two of them vanished.
Spike then wandered into the cave and fell down the ravine never to be seen again.
*credits*
That was the problem to be solved right?
https://derpibooru.org/1229883
Episode 141: Top Bolt
"You think you've got what it takes to be an elite flyer?"
"Yes, ma'am!" shouted the recruits, and also some guy who was definitely not into the whole 'team player' biz.
"Well, lemme tell you," said Spitfire, tellingly, "you don't!"
HRGH-PLRPP, said the universe, as Starlight Glimmer appeared next to her.
"Can I borrow this?"
Spitfire took just long enough to pick her jaw up off the floor that Starlight had no trouble taking the whistle from around her neck. "Thanks, won't be more than thirty seconds!
"All right, listen up!" Starlight blew the whistle and, to their credit as cadets, the assembled pegasus hopefuls all snapped to attention. "Trail and Stinger, front and center!"
The two ponies in question didn't hesitate, but stepped forward. Seriously, these kids were major Wonderbolt material.
"She helps you fly," Starlight continued, indicating Vapor Trail. "Like, in every way possible."
"What?" shouted Sky Stinger at the same time Vapor Trail said, "How did you know?" They turned to look at each other, exchanged an angry glare for a sheepish look, and turned away.
"You're actually a mediocre flyer at best," Starlight said, lifting Sky's chin with her magic. "All your skill this time has been due to her covert assistance.
"But!" she smiled. "I am the Glimmer of good news. Specifically..." She used her magic to drag them closer to each other and turn their heads to look at one another. "She's at least as into you as you are into her."
The anger and concern turned quickly into fierce blushing. Starlight released them.
"So, once you two have made up, it'll be up to both of you to help each other through the Academy, the normal way. Until then..." She blew the whistle and bellowed, "Drop and give me twenty! By which I mean twenty smoochies! Now, cadets!"
Vapor Trail and Sky Stinger hesitated only a moment, possibly because there were so many ponies watching.
"Is it true?" asked Sky.
"It is, Sky," whispered Vapor. "All of it."
She tackled him, and they got right to smooching. The other cadets cheered, and Starlight tossed Spitfire her whistle back.
"Thanks. Turns out, yelling and blowing that thing is really fun!"
"I know, right?"
Spitfire and Starlight shared a moment of laughter and awkward camaraderie before Starlight time-traveled the hecksies outta there.
"Gosh," murmured Rainbow Dash to herself, because she kinda wanted Starlight to blow her whistle, if you get my drift. That was gonna be real awkward the next time she visited Twilight's castle.
EPISODE 111 - Hearthbreakers
Pinkie Pie held her hoof to her lips and let out a sharp whistle, nevermind that it was impossible to do with hooves. She sat perched on Holder's Boulder, gathering her family around it, still practically vibrating with excitement from being able to spend Hearth's Warming with both her immediate family and the Apples! “Attention!”
The Pies gathered around the large rock, Limestone Pie running up with a scowl to yell at her younger sister. “What'd I say about the boulder!” Her hoof pointed accusingly at the pink party pony, something Pinkie wasn't exactly a stranger to.
“I'll just be a se-”
“Woooaaahhh!” Pinkie wasn't given a chance to finish, a brilliant flash cut her off, and a familiar unicorn tumbled out of a swirling hole just above the boulder. Starlight Glimmer landed next to Pinkie, eyes spinning in her head. “Kites!” She shook her head to clear the stars from her vision and unceremoniously shoved Pinkie off the side of the boulder. “Whew, rough landing, oh, and sorry about that Pinkie.”
Limestone's left eye twitched, some random pony was touching the boulder, she grit her teeth. “NO MESSING WITH HOLDER'S BOULDER!” She shouted at the top of her lungs, causing the Apples to cringe and fold their ears back, while the Pies remained unperturbed.
Starlight just rolled her eyes, completely unfazed other than her now voice-volume frazzled mane, which was fixed in the blink of an eye with a spell. “Relax Limestone, I'll just be a second.”
“No! No more, git outta here Starlight, ya keep messing with things and we're sick of it! We're fine on our own!” Applejack shook an angry hoof at her future friend, tired of dealing with the unicorn popping into their lives at random.
Tape appeared around the farm mare's muzzle, shutting her up before she could continue. “Relax AJ, I'm just fixing up a little misunderstanding before you make a complete fool of yourself. Listen up everypony, this is important!”
Starlight glaced quickly at the Friendship Journal, making sure she got the lesson right. “Your two families might be related, but surprise surprise, they have DIFFERENT Hearth's Warming traditions, after who knows how many, if any, generations apart. Traditions change, so this year, you two are gonna mix your own respective traditions together to make some new ones, got it?”
She wasn't finished however, and before anypony could speak up, including Pinkie, who was still peeling her face from the ground after her faceplant. “I mean, seriously Applejack, why did you even bring decorations with you? That's just weird.” Starlight's magic manifested around one of Applejack's bags, and popped it open, the bag spilling way more decorations out than it should have been able to hold. The mess quickly disappeared however, incinerated into ash which Starlight courteously packed back into the bag.
“There, that should fix that, and Pinkie, not everypony eats rocks, you should know that after working in a bakery! Do you want the Apples to lose their teeth?” Starlight gestured wildly with her hooves, unable to comprehend the level of obviousness.
Granny Smith just looked at her dentures.
The raving unicron on the rock took a deep breath, disappearing from the top of the boulder and reappearing in front of Big Mac and Marble Pie, who were sitting fairly close to one another. “And for the love of Celestia you two, you might be related! Are you serious?” She marched up to the wary Big Mac and grabbed him by the chest, pulling him muzzle to muzzle with unnatural strength. “Keep it in your metaphorical pants loverboy.”
Mac blushed, not that it was visible to anypony else against his red fur.
Starlight teleported yet again, practically scaring Marble out of her skin. The shy mare was now muzzle to muzzle with the random unicorn, and she was terrified. “No sleeping with cousins, got it?” She jabbed a hoof into Marble's chest
“... M-Mhm…”
A smile appeared on Starlight, her demeanor having completely changed. “Good, I think that covers everything.” She trotted casually to the still emotion devoid Maud, and smiled more as she hugged the grey mare. “Hey Maud, good to see you! You don't know me yet, but you will! Oh, and look into getting a kite, I'd love for you to have a headstart with them for when we meet. Bye!”
“Bye.”
Starlight was gone, leaving behind an open pizza box, filled with a pile of sweetrolls.
Starlight Fixes Everything
Pony Point of View by Sparky Brony
The magic of the time portal fades from around Starlight Glimmer as she wraps herself in her magical aura to keep in the air. She glances around, once again, her aim has been perfect. She grimaces a bit, this was an utterly stupid friendship lesson. Eeyup, they are having a minor argument. She concentrates and winks out.
Only to wink back in on the deck of the ship as the cucumber sandwiches make it into the water. “Hold on!!” She shouts.
Rarity, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie all look at her, dumbfounded. She sighs and wraps them in her magic as well as the ship is crushed by the enthusiastic three horned bunyip as it devours the floating sandwiches. Again concentrating, all three mares wink out with her, to wink back into existence on the dock a hundred meters away.
“Seriously? You three are going to fight over that? Be adults!” Starlight screams before the magic of the time portal takes her on her next adventure. “I hope their next adventure is more fun.” She growls as the magic disappears from their time stream.
Pinkie looks at Rarity, then at Applejack. “What just happened?”
I know this is a few minutes late, I believe, and I know this'll be a little bland, but I thought I did a good job on it. I'm a lazy procrastinator. Please don't crucify me!
It's under 1,000 words, but won't feel like it could be done in 30 seconds. But hey, some others don't either.
Starlight Fixes Viva Las Pegasus
Episode 122: Gauntlet of Fire
Princess Twilight Sparkle was nerding out again.
"This could be my chance to make a great contribution to the knowledge of Equestria!" She hopped in place until she remembered she was supposed to be the Princess of Friendship. Full-on nerdgasm tended to make her forget, well, everything that was actually important. "And be there for Spike, heh, of course."
"Be very careful," said Princess Celestia. "The Dragon Lands are particularly dangerous for ponies. It would be wise to be discreet."
"Ooooor," said Starlight Glimmer, as she trotted into the Map Room like she owned the place. Which, let's be honest, she kinda did. "I could come here from the future and make it easier!"
Twilight groaned. Rarity scoffed. Spike scratched. Luna was present. And Celestia sipped pointedly from her tea without giving Starlight so much as a glance.
"Starlight Glimmer," she said coolly. "I had thought Twilight's doorstep was looking overly illuminated lately."
Starlight gave her a look that could have frozen a pond over in July. "Mother."
"Oh great!" cried Twilight, throwing her hooves in the air like she didn't care, which, let's be honest, she didn't. "Starlight's here from the freaking future again, ready to short-circuit all of our plans and teach us exactly diddly--"
You could hear the train brakes squeal as Twilight's jaw hit the floor. "WHAT DID JUST YOU STARLIGHT SAY?"
One might have gotten the impression Twilight was a little upset, grammar having failed her and all.
Starlight and Celestia, who had been locked in ocular combat until that moment, both broke out into a fit of giggles, unable to hold their glowers any longer lest Celestia spray tea all over the room.
"Oh, Twilight, the look on your face!" chortled Celestia. She was a princess, and princesses did not guffaw.
Starlight had to hold her barrel, she was laughing so hard. "Oh my… Oh my Celestia, we got you so good, Twilight!"
"Ah, yes!" shouted Luna, overly loud as usual. "'Twas a most excellent joke!" Rivers of sweat ran down her forehead. "One I was in on from the very beginning! Ha! Ha ha ha! Ha!"
Rarity sighed, rolling her eyes. "What is it this time, Starlight?"
Starlight produced something from her saddlebags, a long pole of some kind, wrapped in cloth. "Here you go, Spike."
He paused in scratching at his glowing scales long enough to accept the gift. Had he not been so preoccupied, he might have thought twice about taking anything from a pony who'd recently been busy brainwashing herself a cult in the boonies. But if there was one skill Spike had mastered in his short, stupid life, it is the ability to metabolize concentrated bullshit without any damage to his own wellbeing. He just had zero fucks left to give. Plus, when he touched the thing, the glowing stopped, so that was a bonus.
"Congratulations!" crowed Starlight. "You're the new Dragon Lord!"
"What?" shouted everyone but Starlight and Celestia.
"My, my," said Celestia, sipping her tea. "All the way from the Flamecano by yourself?"
"You got it, Princess!" Starlight said with a grin. "Now, I know what you're thinking, Twilight, but all that's changed is your need for discretion! You can take Spike to the Dragon Lands with Rarity, exchange culture notes, the whole nine yards, and you won't have to put yourselves in mortal danger.
"Be sure to give that to Princess Ember when you get there." She nodded to the rod, which had been revealed as a bejeweled scepter after the wrapping fell away. "Then you won't need to worry about ruling or any nonsense, and you can all be friends and stuff. Won't that be great?"
Twilight let out a loud, unprincesslike sigh. Rarity shook her head. Luna had fallen asleep, it being the middle of the day and all. Celestia sipped her tea.
"Oh, one more thing." Starlight pulled Spike in close and whispered, "That little stick gives you the power to command your fellow dragon. So before you give it to Ember? Don't forget to make Garble your bitch."
Spike gave her the shit-eatingest grin one creature had ever given another in the history of facial expressions.
"Starlight Glimmer," he said, shaking her hoof, "it's been a pleasure and an honor!"
With a little chuckle, Starlight took a step back and charged her horn. "Okay, see you all in a week! Love you, kisses, byeeee!" And then she was gone.
"Spiiiiike," Twilight said in her most mother-warning tone of voice, "what did Starlight tell you?"
"Heh, don't you worry none, Sparkle." Spike shined his claw and checked out his reflection in the scepter's gem. "Ol' Spike's got himself a dragon kingdom to rule. Come, my subjects away!"
As he toddled out the door, all Twilight could do was follow behind, impotently shouting his name.
(GDocs Link)
Starlight fixes “The Gift of the Maud Pie” with... Attention to Detail!
By CoffeeMinion
(Episode #120, S6 E3)
Starlight popped into reality on the sidewalk just outside a pool of yellow light cast by an overhead streetlamp. She glanced around fruitlessly before giving her eyes a few moments to adjust to the ambient darkness. Soon enough, the unassuming brown-and-grey storefront she was looking for became clear. But as she waited, she listened to the heady sounds of Manehattan by night, absorbing the steady clip-clop-ing of hooves on endless lengths of sidewalk, and the muffled cursing of taxi-drivers voicing their displeasure with themselves, each other, and the world at large.
Within moments, the light in the shop window flicked off. Starlight grinned and moved closer to the door, continuing to wait. She heard the sound of hooves approaching, followed by a jingling of a bell above the door as a grizzled-looking grey-maned stallion pushed through to the sidewalk. He didn’t make it very far, though, because Starlight lit her horn and shoved him back into the shop with her magic, clamping tight bands of force around his legs and muzzle alike. She stalked after him quickly, and pulled the door closed behind them.
All was silence in the dark shop, save for the old stallion’s ragged, panicked breathing. The only light came from Starlight’s horn, and the bands keeping the stallion immobile and quiet.
“I couldn’t help but notice something in your advertisements,” Starlight said eventually, her voice slicing the silence to ribbons. She held a glowing leaflet up in her magic, and pointed at one particular blue pouch depicted on it. Though she still couldn’t see many of the stallion’s details in the relative darkness, she could feel it in her horn as he tensed against his magical bonds. “Oh yes. You wondered if somepony would notice it, or if they’d just think it was a typo?”
Again, she felt it in her magic as he strained his jaw in an attempt to speak. But she responded by clamping her band of force tighter around it.
“Hand-stitched,” Starlight said, letting the words hang in the air after uttering them. The old pony continued to mumble, but Starlight merely shushed him. “There there, it’s not such a big mistake. Ponies at all levels who watch for this sort of thing missed it. I even missed it when I was getting ready for this mission. It was actually my friend Maud who pointed it out to me, and even then it was just as the one word, on the one document, that she didn’t know the meaning of. But you and I do, don’t we? And I’ll wager this was the day that you yourself finally noticed that you’d slipped-up and wrote “hand” instead of “hoof” in your ad. Which brings us to the little trip you’re planning…”
As the stallion began to writhe against the bands, Starlight used her magic to fish a pair of tickets out from his coat pocket. “You know, the midnight train is awfully late for a filly of your grand-niece’s age. But then, you both already know how important it is to get out of town until the heat dies down, don’t you… Garish Glow!”
Starlight flared her horn, and cast a beam of aqua light on the old stallion’s grey coat and red-chess-pawn cutie mark.
“I checked,” Starlight continued. “You’re both wanted criminals on the other side of the mirror. That’s right; your own grand-niece… not even age ten, and already wanted for racketeering, conspiracy, and blackmail. You’re raising a fine young filly, if you don’t mind my saying.”
Garish Glow’s shoulders began to shake with muffled laughter. “Well go on, then,” Starlight said, giving him a toothy sneer as she loosened the band around his muzzle. “Got something to say for yourself?”
He barked a wizened old laugh as he was finally able to get his muzzle open wide. “Cozy Glow’s a survivor, just like me… only younger. Sharper. You think bagging me’ll lead you to her? Stupid mare… you’ve already thrown our timetable off enough tonight to tell her I’ve been compromised. Between that and us finding the typo, she’ll hide herself so deep that you’ll never find her!”
Starlight grinned before wrapping Garish’s mouth shut again with her magic. “You think this is just about her? It isn’t, smart guy. It’s not even about seeing you pay for what you did back on the other side of the mirror, though I’m cool with that, if I can get it. It’s about you… being here... running this stupid little shop. You’re not taking a vacation; you’re not even taking a long lunch. You get your butt back here tomorrow, and the next day, and the next one, until I tell you otherwise. Unless, of course, you’d rather I just knock your pawn-butt off the board now and hire a temp to run it for a while? I mean, I’m sure Princess Celestia would love to build ties with law enforcement on the side of the mirror that you came from.”
A tension at the corners of Garish’ eyes betrayed hints of fear. Starlight gave a cold grin of satisfaction as she watched that fear spread across his whole face.
“Didn’t think so,” she said smugly. Then she headed for the door. She cut out all her magic in an instant as she pushed through it, letting him fall in a tangle of limbs on the floor. “Have fun running your little sack shop,” she called back over her shoulder. “Oh, and stick around; you’ve got a pizza coming in about ten minutes.”
125. A Hearth's Warming Tail
The ponies of Ponyville prepare to celebrate Hearth's Warming in Twilight's castle, inside, present Starlight Glimmer isn't too keen on celebrating it this year, that is, until a note appeared over her head and landed on it, which she proceeded to check.
"Celebrate it. You'll be spared a lecture and won't lose friendship points from Twilight."
"Sounds reasonable"
She checked the other side and something was written on it.
"If unconvinced consult the book"
"What boo- *Ow*"
A decently sized book titled "A Hearth's Warming Tale" appeared over her head and landed on it with a decently amount of force.
Episode 123: No Second Prances
Starlight gazed forlornly at her own stupid face in the water.
"What is going on?" she groaned. "This is Ponyville. If I can't make friends here, there's gotta be something wrong with me!" She sighed. "Okay, calm down. Nobody makes friends with a total stress-case."
And then, like a total stress-case, she began stressing the fuck out.
"Stop stressing!" she told herself, in the manner a normal pony does. "Stop--mmph!"
Her impending embarrassing outburst was cut short by a strangely familiar pink hoof.
"Stop stressing," Starlight said to Starlight, a good bit quieter.
Starlight's eyes went wide, then flat. She sighed into the hoof before prying it from her mouth.
"Oh great. Me from the future. Let me guess, you're here to teach me how to make friends?"
Starlight shrugged and grinned. "Nah. I'll leave that part to you. Time's short, let's walk and talk on the way to the spa. Absolutely nopony will notice there's two of us here."
"The spa?" Starlight raised an eyebrow.
"Come on," said Starlight, barely holding back an eye-roll, "can you think of any better place for you to be at the moment?"
"Good point." Starlight nodded, following Starlight as she dug in her saddlebags.
"So, the good news is, today you will make a very, and I mean very, good friend. The bad news? That friendship will take a sharp left down Drama Street for Hystericstown lickety-split."
Starlight moaned. "This isn't exactly helping my stress levels, you know."
"I know!" Starlight grinned at her and produced something large and heavy in a brown paper bag, levitating it between them. "So trust me when I say this is the best news. All you need to do is apply this, the drama will be completely avoided, and our future will be so much better. You'll know when the moment is right." She gave herself a huge wink.
Starlight took the bag, watching herself trot on ahead. "That's it? Just use..." She peered inside. "A book? For dramaless friendship?"
"Maybe read it at the spa!" Starlight called behind herself. "Use the paper bag it came in, too! Be you later!" And she vanished in a flash of magic.
Pulling the book all the way out of the bag, Starlight read the cover.
"The Ka-Mare Su-Trot?" Her eyebrows went into orbit. "I am now really intrigued by this 'friend' I'm supposed to meet..."
She started leafing through the book as she made for the spa, using the brown bag to hide its cover, as instructed.
"Ooh, it's the new original Ponish translation by Goodpony Bookpuns, too!"
EPISODE 130 - Stranger Than Fanfiction
Starlight popped into existence on a balcony overlooking the Daring Do Convention, scanning the crowds and the plethora of booths for a familiar rainbow maned mare. The colors were overwhelming, but eventually she spotted Rainbow Dash sitting across from what looked to be a bar of some type. “Bingo.”
“Cause they're horrible! I mean, there isn't a single thing after Ring of Destiny that is ev-” Quibble was cut off with duct tape wrapping around his muzzle, stopping his analytical spew before it could trigger Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow whipped her head around, searching for the source, and found Starlight sitting to her right. She resigned herself to accepting Starlight's 'assistance,’ and groaned quietly. “Celestia damnit... I go away for a little while and you still show up, what is it Starlight?” The pegasus chugged the rest of her cider.
Quibble flailed his limbs, both scared and angry that he was suddenly silenced, he needed to talk, that was his thing! “Mmm!”
Starlight just ignored him and calmly spoke to Dash. “Listen Dash, this guy has a different opinion of the books than you, big deal, everyone has opinions, so just relax and have a civil conversation like a big filly. I mean, he likes your holes, so maybe try and get along instead of lunging for his throat?”
“My... Holes?” Rainbow's cheeks gained a few shades of red as she avoid both pony's gazes.
“Yeah, you know, the arrow holes in your hat.” Starlight turned to Quibble, who had settled on an angry scowl. “Now, you, you need to shut up, nobody likes an analyst! Enjoy the convention, and maybe analyze the cover of the The Ring of Destiny, you know who is on the cover? Rainbow Dash, she was there pal, it's real.” Starlight ripped the tape off and balled it up, throwing it away blindly, where it stuck to the very grouchy barmare's head.
All three ponies disappeared in a flash, reappearing in Rainbow Dash's hotel room, with Quibble rubbing his muzzle in pain. “So, now that we've cleared the air to keep you two from arguing over what is canon, you can get to what you both actually want.” Starlight picked them up in her magical aura and placed them on the bed. Together. And left a ring shaped object in a small square wrapper. “Bye!”
The two looked at each other, blushing furiously when Starlight reappeared, snatching up the Super Duper Daring Do Deluxe Bondage Body Pillow that Dash had purchased earlier. “I'm confiscating this for... Reasons... Bye again!” She was gone again.
"Who was that?!"
"Shut up Quibble."
In Daring Do's room, the adventurer spun around at the sound of a magic pop, finding The Seven-Sided Chest of Chicomoztoc on the room's table, with a small note next to it. Both were on top of a pizza box, nice and neatly presented to the her. She cautiously approached the box and peeked at the note, not sure if this was a trap or something completely inexplicable. ‘Daring Do - You're welcome, enjoy the pizza. (And put Dash and her boyfriend in the next book.) - Starlight Glimmer’
“Huh.”
She decided it was something completely inexplicable.
(GDocs link)
Starlight fixes “Spice Up Your Life” with... Sniping! (updated version)
By CoffeeMinion
(Episode #129, S6 E12)
Starlight huddled low beneath one of the fragrant restaurant’s back tables, clutching a long-barreled weapon close to her chest. She perked her ears up and grinned as her cue finally approached.
“If Zesty Gourmand is coming here tonight, there is quite a bit of work that needs to get done,” Rarity declared from out of sight.
“Like what?” Pinkie chirped.
“Like not one motherbuckin’ thing!” Starlight roared, overturning the table with her magic and slinging her weapon up onto the stool that she’d been hiding behind. Pinkie, Rarity, and the two ponies they’d come to help—Saffron Masala and Coriander Cumin—all gasped at the sudden outburst. Then three horns came alight as the realization crossed their faces that they were staring down the barrel of a—
*BANG!*
Rarity dropped like a stone. Pinkie shrieked and fell to her haunches next to her fellow Element Bearer. Saffron and Corinader both gasped, rolled their eyes in panic, and bolted for the door.
But Starlight reacted quicker, lighting her horn and locking the door tight with her magic. The two poines tugged fruitlessly on it before whinnying with dismay and running in opposite directions.
“Wait a minute!” Pinkie shouted, holding up a hoof… and holding something in it.
Starlight smiled at the sight of the feathered dart Pinkie had plucked from Rarity’s barrel.
“A tranquilizer dart?!” Pinkie bellowed, the expression on her muzzle turning toward rage. “Starlight Glimmer, you mean meanie-pants! You nearly scared the poopies out of us with that little stunt!”
From somewhere nearby, Coriander cleared his throat. “Not… nearly,” he said, his voice as small as he could make it.
“It was necessary,” Starlight said, slinging the tranquilizer gun back over her shoulder. “Rarity meant well… all of you do, really… but the next thing that was gonna come out of her mouth would’ve doomed all of you to a truckload of unnecessary drama.”
Saffron stalked out from cover, frowning at Starlight. “And how does shooting a patron in the middle of lunch qualify as any less ‘necessary drama’ than what our nice Amareican friend here would’ve inflicted on us?!”
“Clearly you’ve never met Rarity before,” Starlight deadpanned. “No, look: your food’s pretty good. Me and Trixie love stopping by anytime we’re in town—”
“If I ever see you again I will do worse than just spitting in your food,” Coriander muttered as he worked a pushbroom.
Starlight cleared her throat. “Try it and I’ll bring the health department down on your flank so hard, you’ll think it’s actual literary analysis being brought to bear on an actual literal plot.” She stared Coriander down until he broke eye contact and went back to cleaning. “But what I was getting at is that Zesty Gourmand is all well and good, but you just need to get some plots in seats here. Pinkie, you can spread the word about how great this place is, right?”
“Abso-tute-ly!”
With a nod to Pinkie, Starlight turned to meet Saffron’s quizzical expression. “And you can handle the blowback that’s gonna happen when you have an uppity food critic get their feathers ruffled by a house full of otherwise happy customers, right?”
“I… of course,” Saffron answered.
“Well then, that’s a wrap.” Starlight flared her horn and disappeared in the cascading energy of her time-travel spell.
For a long moment after she disappeared, silence reigned. But eventually Coriander cleared his throat and turned to Pinkie. “So, miss Pie. This Starlight friend of yours… is she single?”
Saffron looked aghast. “Father! What could possibly motivate you to chase the youthful tail of this arrogant, time-traveling, gunslinging she-devil?!”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Coriander said, fighting down a blush. “No reason?”
Episode 140: Where the Apple Lies
Pear Butter cooed as Bright Macintosh quietly slid the door to their room shut. She could just make out his silhouette in the moonlight as he tiptoed to the bed, giggling softly.
"Little Mac's finally down for the night," he whispered. At the creak of the mattress under his weight, the two of them stood stock still, barely daring to breathe.
After a long moment, Pear Butter laughed softly and patted the mattress next to her. "Guess bein' a parent's a lot more stressful than our own folks ever let on."
Bright Mac snorted as quietly as was possible. "If'n they had, nopony'd ever have foals again."
The pair shared a soft laugh, then a kiss, then a few more kisses and caresses as Pear Butter climbed atop him, beneath the sheets.
"What d'you say we have a few more?" she murmured, eyes alight with deviltry.
"Can't say as I don't savor the challenge," he said, his own eyes reflecting her sparkle.
There was a flash, a bang, and a wha-PISH! as a pink hoof smacked Pear Butter in the face. She sailed right off her husband, through the glass second-story window, and out over the darkened countryside, a Wilhelm scream trailing behind her.
"What in tarnation?" Bright Mac was on his hooves, atop the mattress, in an instant.
The pink unicorn mare who had just given his wife the bitch-slap of the century blew on her hoof. It was literally glowing red in the moonlight.
"Oh, just teaching your soon-to-be-conceived daughter a lesson in honesty." She gave him a knowing smile and a wink. "Don't worry, she'll feel that soon enough."
With another flash-bang combo, the unicorn mare was gone, leaving Bright Mac standing agape on his bed.
He began second-guessing his previous commitment to challenge as, in the other room, Little Macintosh began to cry.
Omake Chapter
("Oh-ho, sugarcube," laughed Granny Smith. "Your big sister lied so much when she was a filly, the whole family ended up in the hospital!
Apple Bloom gaped in incredulity. "What?"
"Eeyup!" eeyuped Big Mac.
Groaning, Applejack said, "You might as well tell her the whole story. Might even do her some--"
Applejack's form sputtered and fizzed, like static on a television. She changed shape and size more than once, horns and wings appearing now and then in the few seconds the effect lasted. When it had passed, she remained as she always had been.
"--hot sauce on the corn cob!"
The gathered ponies blinked at her, none of them having really noticed the strange alteration take place.
"Uhh," said Granny Smith, giving her the stink eye. "Who're you and what're you doin' in mah barn?")
EPISODE 132 - 28 Pranks Later
The smell of ozone drifted into Rainbow Dash's cloud home and caught her attention. There were only a couple possible sources of the ozone smell, and after recent events, she was pretty sure she knew the origin. “Starlight...” Her voice held a hint of frustration in it, she wouldn't let the time-traveling unicorn interfere anymore, not again. The encounter at the Daring Do Convention had been embarrassing enough already.
“Where are you Glimmer?! I know you're here!” The pegasus called out the meddling unicorn, flying through her large home, searching each room as quickly as possible. Halfway through her search, she made her way into the foyer, landing in the center of the cloud tower, her eyes wide in shock. “What the hay…”
Starlight stood on the balcony, watching Rainbow Dash chug a keg of cider, one of many, many barrels now filling the foyer. In her magical aura, she held a box of prank supplies she had found in a closet, and incinerated it. “And done.”
“I think Rainbow Dash really took our intervention seriously, she hasn't pranked anypony in 3 days now.” Twilight smiled proudly, her and her friends, had stopped the Rainbow menace before it spun out of control. However she was wondering what Dash was up to after having not seen her the past few days. She didn't see the daredevil every day, but usually she would spot a rainbow streak in the sky at the very least.
Fluttershy nervously pawed at the cloud. “She's never been this quiet before…”
When Twilight pushed the front door open, both stumbled backwards, the smell of cider was so strong Twilight was sure she was feeling buzzed just from inhaling. Shaking her head did no good, the smell was to strong, masking the faint scent of... Pizza.
In the center of the foyer, Rainbow Dash, surrounded by empty cider kegs, and pizza boxes, gave a wobbly wave. “Hiya Twiggy n’ Butterball... Heh, lookie what Shtarwright gave me.”
A glass of chocolate milk spilled in Twilight's imagination, her eye twitched, and a single mane hair curled up.
“Dear Twilight, you should know Rainbow Dash well enough to know she needs extra explaining to get things through it her. I mean, really? You gave up trying to explain things to her and decided to let it play out. When she recovers from the worst hangover in history, maybe tie her down and actually have a talk with her about pranking having a code of conduct.
PS - I charged this to your royal credit card.”
Fluttershy finished reading the note she had found, and turned to Twilight, who was still standing in the doorway. “Uhm. Are you okay Twilight?”
Rainbow Dash hiccuped.
Starlight fixes “On Your Marks” with... Backsliding!
By CoffeeMinion
(Episode #121, S6 E4)
Apple Bloom heaved a heavy sigh and let herself slump atop the CMC Clubhouse’s podium. “Look, I know our cutie marks are amazing, but is that all we're gonna do now? Just spend our days starin' down at our own flanks?”
A sound like space and time having a head-on collision rent the ensuing silence, causing the fillies to shriek and jump. When it was over, they all went wide-eyed at the sight of none other than Starlight Glimmer leaning nonchalantly against a wall.
“Hey girls,” Starlight Glimmer said. “I’m here to help you with your little problem!”
“What problem?” Scootaloo asked.
Starlight took a slow, casual look at one of her forehooves. “Oh, y’know, the one where getting your cutie marks is ruining your life?” She grinned at their small, stunned faces. “I mean, c’mon; I got my start by taking ponies’ cutie marks away from them. How perfect is it that the same spell can be used for good instead?”
The trio stood staring at her, absolutely gobsmacked.
“Alllllrighty then!” Starlight rubbed her forehooves together. Who’s first?”
“But… what about my flank?” Sweetie squeaked.
Starlight shrugged. “You’re bound to get an updated character model eventually.”
“But that won’t replace our marks,” Scootaloo added. “I mean, I’ve got some kind of wing and lightning bolt—”
“Ooo,” Starlight interrupted. “Kid, do ya… do ya want the bad news now? Or would you rather let it happen on its own?”
Scootaloo clamped her muzzle shut, nodded, and looked at the floor.
“Apple Sticks?” Starlight asked.
“It’s Apple Bloom, ma’am. And I… I dunno.” She furrowed her tiny little brows. “I guess y’all might’ve known I reckoned for a long time now that the spirit of bein’ a Crusader lies in the Crusade. Y’know, that by workin’ hard and betterin’ ourselves each day, we learn more about the ponies we are now, and about how we wanna shape both ourselves and the world as we grow up. Because, I mean, knowin’ y’self ain’t ever really done, is it? It’s possible to understand y’self today, but each day y’self is always changin’, y’know?”
Starlight nodded dumbly for a moment. “So was that a ‘yes?’ You kinda overwhelmed my country-mumbo-jumbo filter once you hit that first ‘y’all.’”
“Cutie Mark Crusaders Denial of Service Attackers, YAY!” shouted Scootaloo, who leapt up and punched a hoof into the air. A pair of grins slowly stole over the faces of both Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, who soon repeated the declaration.
“See, doesn’t that sound more interesting than being three underglorified guidance counselors?” asked Starlight, who knew from experience that being the real thing was…
…well…
Totally Legit(TM)
142&143. To Where and Back Again
In the Crystal Empire, Spike had just finished singing his sweet ballad about how a changeling can change in defense of his new changeling friend, Thorax.
"Welcome to the Crystal Empire, Thorax," Shining Armor said. "I'm sorry we didn't take the time to get to know you, but maybe we can change that now."
"That'd be so amazing!" Thorax said. "I want to know all about friendship, and maybe one day I can take that knowledge back to the changeling kingdom. If my kind learn how to create love for one another, maybe they wouldn't have to take it from others!"
"Do you want gay deer?" Starlight Glimmer said, appearing with a flash of purple light. "Because that's how you get gay deer."
The assembled crowd looked back and forth between the two Starlights in the room.
"Another changeling?" Shining asked.
"No. She's just me from the future," the other Starlight groaned. "What is it now?"
"Oh, it's not now. It's later," Starlight said, grabbing Thorax. "I just need to borrow him for a minute." They both vanished.
They reappeared a couple months later, (an instant later to them), just outside the wasteland surrounding the changeling hive, along with Discord and Trixie.
"So why are we here?" Trixie asked.
"The changelings are about to invade Equestria. We're going to prevent that," Starlight explained.
"And why would I want to prevent what sounds like a delightfully chaotic event?" Discord asked.
"Because it involves them kidnapping Fluttershy," Starlight said. Discord's eyes flared with anger like burning red coals.
"Consider that hive destroyed!" he growled as he flung a magic projectile at the hive. It fizzled against the protective magical barrier.
"Nothing other than changeling magic works here," Thorax explained. "Chrysalis's throne is carved from an ancient, dark stone that soaks up outside magic the same way changelings soak up love. It's how she keeps the hive safe."
"So I can't destroy it with my magic projectiles?" Discord asked.
"Nope," Thorax said.
"Well if the throne only absorbs magic, what about regular projectiles?" Starlight asked, with a knowing smirk. "Perhaps if some draconequus could fling a mountain at the hive from here?" Discord rolled his eyes.
"Really Starlight, that's just overkill," Discord said. "Everyone knows that shot placement is more effective than stopping power. Where exactly is the throne?"
"In that top spire," Thorax said. Discord pulled a decent-sized boulder from the ground and threw it with all his might. The rock briefly came aflame as it streaked through the atmosphere at hyper-sonic speed like a meteor. It easily pierced the hive and struck the throne, shattering the dark stone with awesome force, sending Queen Chrysalis hurtling into the sky, vanishing on the horizon. Discord snapped his fingers and the four of them instantly appeared in the wreckage of the throne room.
"What just happened!" one of the changeling yelled. "Is that Thorax!? Thorax just overthrew the queen!"
"Actually, I-"
"All hail the new king, Thorax!" the changelings began to chant.
"What is your bidding, Your Majesty?"
"Uh, maybe if we shared love with each other, we wouldn't have to take it from others," he said.
"What, like some kind of infinitely renewable resource? That sounds broken." Despite their doubt, they tried it and all turned into technicolor deer.
"Ugh, that is so hard to look at," Starlight groaned. "I guess it couldn't be prevented." Discord snapped his fingers and vanished. Thorax busied himself with his new role. Starlight and Trixie left.
"So I get why you brought Thorax and Discord, but why did you bring me? Just for eye candy?" Trixie asked.
Starlight didn't say no.
Episode 20
Starlight fixes a health of information or the pizza is free
“Fluttershy! Are you sure this is the best idea?” Twilight yelled from the bottom of the tree. After finding out about the cure from Mage Meadobrooks journal, Fluttershy was determined to get the honey of the Flash Bees to save Zecora from, turning into a tree. A bit of a weird disease, but anyway. Nothing would stop her from saving her friend!
“Twilight. If I don’t get this honey know, Zecora will turn into a tree! And I won’t let that happen.” Fluttershy was about 34 feet of the ground. Good thing she was a Pegasus, or this would be a lot harder. Her hooves were sweaty, knees weak and hind legs heavy. But, she hadn’t vomited on her sweater already (partly because she didn’t have a sweater) and she had already ate her moms spaghetti. She looked forward and saw a series of branches in the way of the hive. This was gonna take some finesse. She bended her knees and prepared to dart forward.
Suddenly, almost out of nowhere, blue flames appeared on the ground and the princess of time appeared. Fluttershy was taken by surprise and she fell backwards. Starlight and Twilight ran over and auras appeared around their horns. They thankfully caught her and placed her safely on the ground.
“Fluttershy! Tut tut tut. You shouldn’t be that high in the air. Now let’s fix this.” Starlights horn glowed as she raised herself in the air and grabbed the hive. She lowered herself down and tipped the hive to one side. She grabbed a vial and filled it with the honey. “There! That should help.” She passed the vial to Fluttershy. Whilst she did this, a Flash Bee stung her cheek. “Ow!” She teleported the hive away. “Good ridense.”
“Where did they go?” Fluttershy and Twilight said in unison.
“Shit if I know! Bye girls!” Starlight disappeared.
“We need to get this to Zecora quick!” Twilight said as they both ran to the nearest train station.
“Zecora! We have the....” Twilight began. She looked inside Zecoras home. It was almost destroyed!
“Fluttershy! I’m glad you came. My place is a mess, such a shame. I was in bed, and then a hive of Flash Bees appeared! They won’t go away, as I had feared.”
“Damn you Starlight!” Twilight yelled.
Hard To Say Anything
S7 E8 (episode #151)
The song duel was reaching its epic climax. "Sugar Belle!" Big Mac and Feather Bangs chorused, as Mac shoved a rose in her face and Feather climbed over him to offer a bouquet.
With a mighty crash, they lost their balance and collapsed onto her.
Starlight set down her popcorn and applauded wildly.
Apple Bloom facehooved, then pointed an accusing hoof. "What're YOU doin' here?" she said sharply, the other two Crusaders dusting themselves off and looming behind.
"Fixing everything, of course!" Starlight grinned — and shot Big Mac a wink, causing him to tug at his collar and blush.
"Granted," she continued, "it would have been so much easier to do that by giving you some stupidly common-sense relationship advice ahead of time, but then we would have missed out on that awesome musical number. So, here you go." She sidled in between Mac and Feather, draping a leg over both of their shoulders. "Give up now, because all you're chasing is a dream, and the reality is a lot uglier."
Sugar Belle, her face becoming an increasingly purple shade of purple, sat up. "You know," she shouted, "I was going to ask what in Equestria has gotten into you two, but I don't think I appreciate you marching back into Our Town and insulting me to my face —"
"Up-bup-bup," Starlight interrupted, holding up a copy of the town's new democratic constitution. "Rule 37. Any pony who arranges home repairs for you is entitled to one free snide remark."
Sugar's eyes bugged out. "How — wha —"
"Time travel, don't question it."
Sugar blinked several times, then glanced up from the laws. "Home repairs?"
Double Diamond's head popped out from the doorway behind her. "Hey, Sugar! Starlight paid me 30 bits to fix your sink. While I was at it, I noticed someone had taken an axe to your pie display case, so I built you a new one, and I figured you might like it twice as big." He paused for a moment, and his cheeks flushed pink. "A-and, you know, m-maybe this is a bad time, but I hear you might be free for dinner later?"
Sugar glared at Mac and Feather, then whirled around and marched over to Diamond, taking his hoof. "I think," she said pointedly, "dinner with somepony who knows what I like sounds like a great idea."
Big Mac stared in shock. A single tear trickled down his cheek.
Feather shrugged. "Eh," he said, then dug in his saddlebags for his little black book, and started wandering away. "Guess it's time to tell Party Favor my evening cleared up."
Apple Bloom stared in horror at Mac's heartbroken face, then whirled to Starlight (who was shoving her axe a little deeper into her saddlebag). "Now you look what you've done —"
"I'll make you a deal," Starlight said. "Your older sisters are scheduled to discover your absence in —" she checked an invisible watch on her pastern — "five hours, thirty-seven minutes. There's a train at the station as we speak, and that's just enough time for you to ride it back to Ponyville. You let me take care of this, and I won't ever tell them you bailed on a full day's worth of chores and homework to come here."
Sweetie Belle's face blanched. "Deal," she said, pushing the other Crusaders out the door.
The room, now holding just two ponies, fell silent. Starlight cleared her throat, and walked back toward Mac, letting her hips gently sway.
He glanced up — shame, misery, confusion and heat warring on his muzzle.
"Well, hello there," Starlight said, echoing the sultry tone she'd given him right before helping him save his voice for the Ponytones' big performance. "A little bird tells me that you're on the rebound."
He swallowed. His cheeks flushed to a burning red.
"Eeyup," he whispered, and then both of them were a little too busy to worry about little things like shattered crushes.
Secrets and Pies
S7 E23 - Episode #166
"Oh, hello, Future Starlight Glimmer Wearing A Fake Moustache!" filly Pinkie Pie chirped, her hair poofing out as she pushed a wrapped-up present at the stranger visiting her rock farm. "Are you here for your Happy 166th Time-Traveling Intervention party?"
Starlight blinked. She saved her friends from such ridiculous circumstances on the regular that most of their weirdness barely even registered any more. This, however, had metaphorically marched up to the front desk of her brain hotel with a metaphorical suitcase full of bits, and a request for so many rooms that she'd have to kick out most of the guests.
She worked her jaw for a moment. "Pinkie," she said slowly, "how is it that you can know that, and yet be so ridiculously oblivious that you bake pies for literally years for Rainbow Dash without knowing that she hates them?"
"Pinkie Sense, you silly filly!"
Starlight paused, then closed her eyes and sharply shook her head. "Let it go," she muttered to herself.
Pinkie tilted her head. "What was that?"
"A deep callback. Seriously, though — I'm curious. Does your power have a blind spot the size of Manehattan, or are you actually omniscient and you've been trolling everypony all this time?"
Filly Pinkie thought for long moments, then shrugged. "You know, I'm not actually sure."
"… I'll buy that."
Pinkie hoofed an oddly colored cupcake at Starlight. "Great! Then we can get back to your party!"
Starlight took a tentative chew. It tasted of tamarind, with earthy notes in the glittering icing. "Yes, yes, happy intervention, thank you. So let's talk about Rainbow Dash."
"Oh, cool, wisdom from the future about somepony I've never even met!" filly Pinkie chirped. "Is Rainbow the one who keeps you from creating paradoxes every time you come back and hoof out information which solves a problem that you only knew you had to solve because you never intervened to solve the problem?"
Starlight held up a hoof and opened her mouth. "I," she started, trailing off as her brain finished parsing Pinkie's sentence.
"Probably not, because if your timeline meddling was a problem, you'd have intervened in it and stopped yourself." Filly Pinkie suddenly giggled. "Ooh, you look so silly with a crystal icing beard and your mouth open like that! … What were we talking about again?"
Starlight snapped her muzzle shut, hurriedly wiped the icing off, then coughed into a hoof. "Rainbow Dash. So, whatever file you've got on her —"
"I don't keep files!" Pinkie pointed to her head. "It's all up here!"
"… Right. You don't know many ponies here on the rock farm; I guess you haven't started yet. Just remember, then: Rainbow Dash doesn't like pies."
"Okay! What does she like?"
Starlight was quiet for a moment. "That," she said, "is a very good question."
"Ooh! Are you going to time-travel all over again, to tell yourself so you know how to answer it?"
"No, because I don't remember meeting me before I came," Starlight said slowly, feeling herself ever-so-gradually wrestle back control of the situation. Then it hit her: She didn't actually need to give Pinkie a real answer — just say something so patently absurd that when the two of them first met, Pinkie would offer Dash something that Dash would have to refuse, and they'd talk it out up front. Friendship problem solved!
"Rainbow Dash's favorite food," Starlight said, "is, uh. Um. Biting the heads off of live mice?"
"Noted!" filly Pinkie said. "See you in a few years!"
Starlight paused as she was charging up her return spell. Spooky eldritch party filly has a point, she thought. Logically, there's no way that could fail — but this is Pinkie, so I'd better watch their first meeting with my remaining ten seconds.
"See ya," Starlight said, and disappeared.
* * *
"Dashie!" Slightly Older Pinkie Pie shouted as Dash put a hoof on the step of the skybus. "I brought you a Good Luck At Junior Speedsters Flight Camp present!"
Rainbow Dash stopped and turned around, raising her eyebrows — almost causing the surly gryphon behind her to bump into her rear. The butter-yellow pegasus who'd boarded the bus in front of them glanced over her shoulder.
"I know we don't know each other," Pinkie said, "but somepony said it was your favorite!" She held out a wriggling rodent, beaming her brightest smile.
Dash looked even more confused for a moment.
Then her eyes, unmistakably, genuinely, lit up.
"Omigosh omigoshomigoshomigosh!" Dash squeaked. "How did you know? You can't even get these outside of gryphon lands!" With a nearly lascivious moan, she bit down, her eyes rolling back in her head as she chewed.
Fluttershy fainted.
"Huh," Gilda said appreciatively.
"Huh," Starlight said, then shrugged. "Well, my work here is done."
Episode 159: Campfire Tales
"Golly, it sure was nice of Starlight Glimmer to give us this here bottle o' Starlight's Special Spray-Away!"
Applejack let out a whoop as she, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and their collective sisters hiked up Poorly Placed Mountain toward Winsome Falls. Atop her hat rested a small spray bottle filled with glowing magic goop.
"Smells like the back end of a pig's grandfather, but it sure do keep the biters away!"
"No kidding," said Rainbow, looping overhead because she was too lazy to pull a wagon. "And I think I saw a nest of fly-ders in a tree a few hooves west."
"Ew!" Sweetie Belle shouted, leaping onto her sister's shoulders in fright. "Is that like a spider that's also a fly? That sounds like the worst thing ever!"
"Do not fret, Sweetie Belle," said Rarity, lifting her sister off her back with her magic and setting her on the trail. "Even the, ugh, disgusting fly-ders seem to be held at bay by this malodorous concoction."
Applejack chuckled. "And by the time we need t'set up camp, we'll be well around this here mountain and outta their range. Maybe even at Winsome Falls already!"
"I hope so!" shouted Scootaloo, hopping and buzzing her wings. "I can't wait to hear what kinds of campfire stories everypony has to share!"
Rainbow Dash swooped down and gave Scootaloo a light noogie, to her giggled protestations. "They won't even be that scary this time. Promise."
"I do hafta wonder..." Applejack flipped the bottle into a hoof and scanned the label. "Why in the world Starlight put a note on it that said, 'So you don't get trapped in a cave and asphyxiate.' I mean, I barely know what that word means."
"Ooh, was she the Starlight we know, or the one from the future?" asked Apple Bloom sweetly.
Rarity blew a raspberry. "With that mare, it's impossible to tell sometimes."
Episode 18
Starlight fixes Daring done or the pizza is free
“I’m retiring because of the fact that I’ve destroyed an entire town!” A.K. explained.
Starlight almost appeared out of nowhere. She charged inside and looked Daring Do dead in the eye. “So. We doing the Incredibles in real life now?”
“What?” Rainbow asked.
“C’mon! Heroes cause so much damage while saving the day that they become ostracized and retire? Please. Plus, hasn’t Equestria had like a bagillion attacks in the past 6 years? You’re a hero and you destroyed a couple statues. So? Just take this money to pay for the damage, and kick this hooded guys ass. Oh, and this was actually Cabarlleron the entire time using you to make the town turn a blind eye while stealing the only thing that makes hold on to hope. Let’s go!!” She teleported them to the town.
She fired a beam at the hooded pony. She ran towards his goons and stole the sack of glopez and threw it to the towns people. “He’s a scammer. He’s stealing from you.”
“Wait a second. So are you Starlight! This is fake money!” Pinkie gasped.
“Nah. That’s...”
“Bye!”
She disappeared into the dust.
Episode 147 Rock Solid Friendship:
I pretty much can only think of Starlight hypnotizing Maud into staying in Ponyville, by making Maud think she's Starlight's cat. I forgive nothing.
Episode 150 Parental Glideance:
Thinking of Starlight use the spell from Every Little Thing She Does on Rainbow Dash to love her parents more.
These are just ideas, I may not be able to rewrite a whole episode. But hey, I hope this helps.
Episode 164: Marks and Recreation
"Whatcha got there, little brother?" Thunderlane asked, peering over Rumble's shoulder.
"What?" Rumble jumped, crumpling the flier as surreptitiously as he could. "Oh, nothing. Come on! I wanna show you--"
"Oh, it's just a flier for our new Cutie Mark Day Camp," said a female voice nearby. The two pegasi turned to see a pink unicorn mare holding a stack of fliers identical to the one Rumble had crumped. One was held aloft in her magic.
"Apple Bloom and her friends set it up," she continued. "I agree with them that it's a great way for young ponies who haven't discovered their special talents yet to interact with one another, have fun, and maybe-just-maybe get their cutie marks!"
"Whoa!" Thunderlane accepted the flier, scanning it. "You hear that, Rumble? This sounds like just the kind of thing you should try!"
"But I wanna show you the new dive roll I've been practicing!" Rumble said petulantly. He aimed a glare at the mare that could have set a pile of wet leaves aflame. Luckily, Starlight had worn her anti-glare shades that morning.
"Don't you want to find your cutie mark?" she asked in the most saccharine voice she could muster. She bent down in front of Rumble and pinched his cheek in her magic. "All foals your age care about is cutie marks, don't they?"
Rumble mumbled something about not wanting his cutie mark in something dumb.
"Oh, is that the case?" Starlight stood, smiling at him. "Let me tell you, I know a thing or two about cutie mark dysfunction. You've got nothing to worry about. After all, your brother's mark shows he's a talented flyer, right?" She elbowed Thunderlane in the side.
"Huh? Uh, oh, yeah! I got my mark for flying, but it's not the only thing I like doing." He grinned at his little brother. "Hey, didn't I ever tell you I started cooking for the Wonderbolts?"
Rumble looked at him like he'd grown two heads. "You... you did?"
"Yeah! We all share mess hall duty. I didn't think I'd enjoy it at first, but it turns out, I love it!" Thunderlane puffed out his chest a little. "And it doesn't keep me from doing the other things I love, either."
Rumble's eyes had grown wide as saucers, and sparkled in the dingy alleyway. "Wow, really? Maybe getting a cutie mark won't be so bad after all!"
"Then that's why you should go to Cutie Mark Day Camp," Starlight declared, handing the full stack of fliers to Thunderlane. "Well, would you look at my fetlock? Time's up." She leaned in and whispered in his ear, "Good job, Chunderlane."
"Wait, how did you--"
Thunderlane's question was cut off as Starlight unzipped a hole in the nearby brick wall, stepped through, and zipped it up after her, with a call of, "Have fun at Day Camp! Toodles!"
The two pegasus brothers just stared at the wall, then at each other.
Across the way, the Cutie Mark Crusaders had watched the entire scene carefully.
"I mean..." Sweetie began. "Getting another camper isn't a bad thing, right?"
Apple Bloom humphed and crossed her arms. "Don't mean I gotta like it."
Episode 154: Not Asking for Trouble
Starlight Glimmer materialized in the middle of a snowy field, and shivered in her parka. She looked around, spotting the yak village. She flipped through the friendship journal. “Let’s see... Yaks done in by too much snow.” She looked again at the village. “Funny. Doesn’t look like a lot of snow.”
She heard a deep, echoing rumble, looked up, and levitated herself straight up into the air, narrowly avoiding being buried by an avalanche’s worth of snow.
“There it is,” she said to herself.
With the clock ticking, Starlight Glimmer turned to the issue of fixing the problem. In a flash of inspiration, she realized Twilight Sparkle had already solved this one. She turned to the front of the book, flipped a few pages, and then stopped. “Here it is. Number eleven. Winter Wrap-Up.”
Starlight Glimmer’s horn glowed. With one spell, she summoned one of Ponyville’s snowplows. With a second spell, she animated it. A third spell delayed the activation of the second spell until nighttime. Then she disappeared, humming a happy tune.
Pinkie Pie awoke to find her snow bed was now a snow pillar. All around her, the yaks were similarly elevated, with all the rest of the snow gone.
“Snow melted! Prince Rutherford was right!” one yak said.
“Snow melted very strangely,” Pinkie Pie said, rubbing her chin with a hoof.
“Yaks tough! Yaks wait patiently! Yaks win!” Prince Rutherford announced.
“Someone must have done this. But who?” Pinkie Pie said.
Back in Ponyville, Starlight Glimmer returned her parka to her wardrobe and sang. “Mrs. Plow, that’s my name, that name again is Mrs. Plow!”
Episode 160: To Change a Changeling
Self-reflection was never Starlight Glimmer’s strong suit. It was much easier to criticize the foolishness of Twilight Sparkle and her friends than to ask why it took her so long to figure out that Pharynx needed to do what he was best at doing, defending his hive, in order to gain their respect. She needed to find something to do, or else she and Trixie would have to....
Trixie! That was it! She flipped back to Trixie’s first appearance in the journal, read it again, and then she knew what to do.
Later, or earlier, depending on how one looks at it, which one shouldn’t, since trying to deduce chronological order across multiple timelines is the path to madness, Trixie was packing for her and Starlight Glimmer’s planned excursion to the changeling hive. Starlight Glimmer was so looking forward to seeing her changeling friend, and Trixie was similarly looking forward to Thorax getting to see Trixie. Why, anypony would be thrilled to....
“We better delay our trip,” Starlight Glimmer said as she entered the room.
“Wait. What?” Trixie said.
“Apparently, the maulwurf Thorax wrote about got into a fight with an ursa minor. Thorax says the hive is safe, but they’ve got a lot of repairs to do.”
“An ursa minor? They don’t live anywhere near the badlands. And what kind of pony would be power-mad enough to push one in that direction?” Trixie asked.
“Well, there’s one good thing that came out of the encounter,” Starlight Glimmer said. “Thorax’s brother Pharynx protected the tribe and saved the day, and he finally became a rainbow bug like the rest of them.”
149 Forever Filly
Starlight was taking a walk around the park, when suddenly something small crashes into her from behind! As Starlight gets up, she looks around to see what crashed into her. "Sorry Starlight, didn't mean to crash into you".
Starlight then spots Sweetie Belle giving her a hoof to get up. "It's alright, why were you in such a hurry anyways?"
Sweetie Belle then fumes, "It's my sister! She just doesn't understand that I'm not a baby anymore!"
Starlight stares in confusion at the foal and asks, "I'm sorry, what?"
"My sister, Rarity. All day she's been hanging out with me, which normally I'm excited for! I love hanging out with her!" she says with a smile. Her smirk then turns into a frown. "But today, all the things we've been doing are stuff that I liked doing when I was like, three! It's like, she doesn't understand that I'm not a baby anymore!"
"I see.... well how about I have a talk with Rarity?"
"Really? You'd do that?" asks Sweetie Belle.
"Sure, why not" replies Starlight.
"Thanks Starlight! I gotta go, CMC business! Bye!" Sweetie Belle says as she rushes off.
"Okay bye! Now all I need to do is find Ra-" Starlight's external monologue is interrupted by someone crashing into her. After getting up, she quickly spots the pony that crashed into her.
"Oh, Starlight! I am so sorry, I was in such a rush I didn't notice you there!" exclaims Rarity.
'Well, this is convenient" thinks Starlight. "Oh, no trouble at all. Actually, I was just looking for you Rarity" states Starlight as she dusts herself off.
"Really? Well, I'd love to oblige but I need to catch up to Sweetie Belle. Have you seen her, she should've passed by here?"
"That's exactly why I'm here Rarity. I'm here to help out Sweetie Belle" replies Starlight.
"I'm sorry, but I don't understand what you mean" states Rarity, confused at what Starlight is getting at.
"It's come to my understanding that you still view Sweetie Belle as a pony that is younger than she really is, and it makes her very upset that you view her this way. You need to realize that she is not that young, and as such does not appreciate being treated as such" exclaims Starlight in an intelligent manner.
Rarity tilts her head in confusion? "... I'm sorry could you repeat that, I didn't catch... most of that"
"Oh for- Rarity! Sweetie Belle isn't three any more! Stop thinking she's a baby!" shouts Starlight.
"I beg your pardon!?" states Rarity.
"Are you seriously not getting it? You need to understand that Sweetie Belle is older, and as a result, likes different stuff!" Starlight states, frustrated.
"Are you implying that I don't get my dearest little sister, Sweetie Belle?!?!" Rarity shouts accusingly.
"You know what Rarity? Yes, yes I am. I am implying that you don't understand Sweetie Belle!" replies Starlight in an exasperated manner.
"Well I never! I'll have you know that as Sweetie Belle's sister, I know her better than anyone else!" states Rarity.
'Right, I get the feeling that this is going to take far longer than it should ever be' Starlight thinks to herself as she charges up her horn.
"The bond of sisterhood are stronger than you may thi-" Rarity is then cut off from her external monologue by Starlight's magic.
"Okay, the 'Clear Mind' spell should do the trick. Although personally I think 'Clear Mind of Irrational Thoughts" could also work.
Allow me to explain! The 'Clear Mind' spell allows the target to be set into a state of mind that is best when negotiating. It stops crazed and illogical thought processes. It also allows almost all information to be absorbed in a manner that is better understandable to the target as well. In short, this would be a great spell to get others to understand why you are right in an argument, and the other person understands why you think they are right.
Whether or not they end up believing you depends on if you're actually "right". It's not like you can use this spell to get someone to think your OTP is the best.
"Okay, Rarity. Sweetie Belle is a growing filly, and as such her interests change as well. She isn't that tiny filly anymore, but she is still your little sister. Do you understand?" explains Starlight in a calm manner.
"Oh, I see... so in short: she isn't-"
"-isn't three anymore, yes" finishes Starlight.
"Well then... I suppose I have an apology to make. Thank you so much Starlight!" says Rarity as she goes off to find her sister.
"You're welcome!" shouts Starlight as she appreciates the fact that this spell exists.
165 Once Upon a Zeppelin
The following, (most likely), takes place about five months before the episode starts. That sounds good, right? What do you mean why am I aski-
Everything was ready. Iron Will's newest revenue making activity was set. He already got money for advance passes for the zeppelin. In short, everything was going his way... at least that is what he thought it was.
Iron Will was in the zeppelin, specifically his office. He was busy counting his money from the pre-orders on his revolving chair when he hear rapid knocks on the door.
"Who knocks the door of Iron Will?"
"Well, that saves the trouble of finding you" states the voice beyond the door.
"You still have not answered Iron Will's question!" says Iron Will, in a louder tone.
"Oh you should be less concerned about who I am, and more about what I'm here for" replies the voice in a matter of fact tone.
Iron Will then gets out of his chair and impatiently opens the door and shouts: "I said, who is at the door!" Iron Will then looks down to see a mare with a light purple coat and striped mane. She was holding up a letter with her magic.
"My name is Starlight Glimmer, and I'm here to say: you've been served" she says as she shoves the letter to Iron Will's chest.
"WHAT!?!?" shouts Iron Will.
"Basically, you're being sued for a number of things. In simple terms they include but not limited to: making an educational based attraction with incorrect historical facts-"
"Since when has that been a law!" shouts Iron Will.
"A few months ago. Twilight Sparkle made it to encourage tourist attractions to be better educated. I think she was tired of correcting every tour guide she meets. Or maybe she was tired of those places not getting their facts straight. The point is, this is a thing now. Now the rest of this will be explained to you in court about one month" states Starlight as she starts to leave.
"Wait! Who is the one who sent the lawsuit?" asks Iron Will desperately.
"Oh, didn't I say? It came from the Royal Sisters themselves. They are more perceptive than I thought, I mean they managed to catch on to this. Oh, and if I were you, I'd be as cooperative as possible. Less pain that way" finishes Starlight as she closes the door.
Months later at the Castle of Friendship
"Hey Twilight! You got an invitation!" shouts Spike.
"Oh? An invitation? From whom?" asks Twilight.
"Iron Will apparently!" replies Spike.
"Iron Will? Huh, wonder what this is about" asks Twilight curiously as she opens up the letter.
"Well, what's it say Twilight?" asks Spike.
"It says:
'Dear Princess Twilight,
I am here to invite you and your family to an education based zeppelin cruise. The topic will be about your family and the events you went though when changing Equestria itself. I would be most humbled if you were to come. If you do accept, I would request that you would be open to the possibility of contributing to this. Perhaps you could personally assist as an on and off tour guide as a special first launch of this. We can work out the specifics later, if you accept I mean.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Signed,
Iron Will
P.S. Please don't go to court with this. I'm pretty sure that I am doing this legally this time.'
"Huh, that last part was pretty weird" states Spike.
"I agree, but I have to say that I'm interested in this assisting in educating ponies!" states Twilight excitedly.
"So does that mean?"
"Yes! Spike, take a letter!" states Twilight.
144. Celestial Advice
There was a ripple of surprise as Starlight appeared in the middle of the ballroom. Mostly because Starlight was already in the ballroom, and most of the assembled guests were changelings and background ponies that weren’t used to it yet.
“Hey, Discord!” she called cheerily. “Come over here a sec, will you?”
Discord appeared directly behind her, a grin on his face. “Oh, I get it! One Starlight just wasn’t enough to go around. I do understand, it is hard to properly thank me for saving all of Equestria alone.”
Starlight gave him a wicked smile. “Not quite.” Her horn lit up, and before Discord could react, a massive blast of energy smashed into him, blowing a hole in the wall behind him and continuing until Discord had vanished completely.
Somewhere in the room, a cup shattered.
Starlight grinned sheepishly. “Trust me, it’s easier this way.”
6529455
So, I'll be honest, I haven't worked on these at all this week. At least, not up until an hour or so ago. I've been sick all week and it's been hindering y ability to really think about much. But, I knew I had shit to do, so I went ahead and spent some time on both of the episodes I was meant to do this week. I still have to do the other one, so I will be posting that slightly later, but still before midnight PST. I promise that. Without further ado, my TEEN RATED version of Uncommon Bond!
Starlight Fixes Uncommon Bond