31. Sisterhooves Social
Easy peasy, one-two-threesie.

Rarity barely looked up from her sewing at the now-familiar crackle-fizz behind her. The orb of light snapped, revealing a rather jittery-looking periwinkle unicorn.
"Hullo Starlight."

Starlight took a sip from the cup of tea that had been left out for her arrival, took a deep breath, and clacked her stopwatch.
Ten seconds.
"Okay look so Sweetie is only going to be a kid for a few more years, so just go with her to the stupid thing. She's going to do a lot of things that will annoy you to no end today, but try to remember that she's your kid sister and she loves you and she's doing it out of the kindness of her heart- acting upon the spirit of Generosity that you instilled in her."

Rarity twitched an eyebrow skyward.

"So I'm going to save you a whole day's worth of angry stress-wrinkles. Everything she does today, try to look at it in a different light. It's only going to be sapphire-macrame for a little bit longer until she hits that teenage phase of weird music and etc."

She glanced at the watch, nodded to herself, and disappeared when the hand swept down to zero.

41. The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000

Clock's ticking Starlight.
Starlight's hooves tapped as she surveyed the scene before her. The Apples were in a huddle with the hucksters, and the machine was purring behind them. Her horn lit turquoise and she lifted Apple Bloom bodily out of the huddle. As is her wont, she slapped Applejack alongside the muzzle with a rolled-up paper, and promptly disappeared with the sound of a stopwatch buzzing.

Applejack's lips moved as she read the writing on the page slowly.
Stake the farm against the fancy cider press. And remember, your friends are your family too, you silly pony. See you later.
-Starlight Glimmer

42. Read It and Weep
The heart monitor in the bed next to Dash fizzled for a moment as the familiar corona of their time-fixing friend glowed and snapped. A poorly hidden book tugged itself out in an aura of turquoise magic. Starlight stared at Twilight, and tipped a sly wink.

"Rainbow likes books. Specifically, Daring Do. Also she needs glasses. You two should commiserate over this fact after she's discharged from the hospital today."

Rainbow Dash groaned and hid her muzzle in her hooves, blushing crimson. Twilight's jaw worked for a moment before she managed a quiet murmur.

"I have the complete set, and a new tin of cocoa. Library, later tonight?"
The speedster could only nod once, shyly.

~

"Three lessons, thirty seconds."

Twilight dropped her stopwatch and gaped.
"That's a record, Starlight. You're getting scarily good at this."

Starlight merely slipped her shades back on.
"I'm a fuckin' wonder, yeah. I'll be back."

65. Magical Mystery Cure.

Starlight took a deep breath to even herself out. She flipped through the pages of her (now heavily annotated) copy of the Friendship Journal, sharing space in her saddlebag with a horn-written journal of her own. She'd been keeping notes of her travels, and had purposely skipped around, leaving this particular lesson for her last journey.

She smiled softly as she met the gaze of her mentor. "See you six years ago. Back in thirty seconds."
"Or the pizza's free."

~

Twilight was having a tremendously awful day. She'd broken her friends, swapped their destinies- their cutie marks around, and left all of them unfulfilled in their new lives. Her head was hidden under her forelegs, with a pillow absorbing her tears.

The room brightened for a moment in a flickering flash. Starlight's heart broke when she saw her mentor lying there like a puppet with cut strings. She gently smoothed the mane from that pretty face and smiled crookedly.

"Starlight... please. I can't do this myself."

Starlight took a deep breath and tried to squeeze together the fragments of her heart.
"You're right. You can't help your friends. But they can help one another. You teach me that. I could just go out there and swap all the cutie marks back but..."

She shook her head.

"Fluttershy is getting ready to leave and move back to Cloudsdale, an absolute failure of an entertainer. You need to take her to her cottage to go help Rainbow Dash. It'll work itself out from there."

She planted a soft kiss on Twilight's cheek.
"Wish I could stay for the song, or to hear Celestia's voice crack when... well. Time waits for no mare, and your destiny's calling Twilight. Time to answer."

~

Twilight embraced Starlight when she exited the temporal anomaly. There were tears, but happy ones.

Starlight jotted down the notes of her last ever jaunt through time, and the nib of the pen cracked on the full stop.

The book glowed brilliantly, and both of them disappeared in a flash of octarine lightning.

~

Destiny's calling.

Twilight watched in awe as her student's magic surrounded her. They floated in the Void Space, Starlight closing her eyes in mute acceptance.

Her mane flared and flickered, erupting into a smoky haze of tachyons and Cherenkov radiation as wings exploded from her back.

~

"Friends, ponies, Equestrians... M-may I present t-to you for the very first time...

"Princess Starlight Glimmer, the Princess of Time."

The End.

Just did this on a whim, since I saw there was an option to, and figured I’d have a shot. Of course, the actual Starlight beat me to the punch, but here’s it for the giggles anyway;

41. The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000

“Twilight Sparkle kept a diary?” Enquired the Great and Inquisitive Trixie, to use one of her many titles, “why did you never tell me this before? We could have had such fun at Princess Sparkle’s expense. Does she talk about colts? Spots? Is she still a virgin?”

“It’s not that kind of journal… well, mostly. I’d rather not have read her more intimate specifications on Big MacIntosh but that’s a different story.” Starlight lay back on the magician’s actual bed in her caravan, bouncing one crossed hind leg over the other as she read the passage about her next 30 second mission again. “Remind me again, Trixie, who was your last ex? Flam?” A sound of disgust and loathing rose from the other corner as Trixie stopped dismantling a failed trick to see where it’s problem lay.

“I told you not to bring up that greasy moustached weirdo ever again!” She snapped, thumping her hoof on the table. Starlight, far from looking apologetic or scared, gave her a polite grin.

“What if I told you we could skip back in time and really ruin their day? Maybe even several of their days,” the Grinch could not have wore a greater smirk than the one Trixie produced…

~*~

“Well lookie what we’ve got here, brother of mine, it’s the same in every town!” started the more energetic and quite frankly handsome of the two show-stallions. Their yellow coats shone and their similar crimson manes bounced whilst balancing their wicker salespony hats as they pranced about their machine, performing to the crowd.

“Ponies with thirsty throats, dry tongues, and not a drop of cider to be found, maybe they're not aware that there's really no need for this teary despair!”

“The key to-“

“What in tarnation are y’all talkin’ about?” interrupted a southern speaking tangerine belle in a tan-brown hat.

“You’ve ran out of cider, we’re providing cider, it seems like a no brainer to me,” waved the more eloquent brother dismissively, “here ye, here ye, step right up if you want to be the first to tr-“

“We ain’t ran out of no cider, fella,” glared the cowmare, now insulted at the attempt to slander her name and the name of her family. She gestured to their stall, where her sister and grandmother had barrels to spare, whilst her brother and friends were eagerly working their flanks off to produce more. Not only that, a sign added to the stall, offering a twenty percent discount to all who helped make more cider, was proving equally successful. The two brother’s jaws dropped.

“So y’see, y’all and yer weird thingy doothinkie there aren’t wanted, fellas,” explained the spokespony of Sweet Apple Acres.

“That’s not fair,” started the moustache-wielding one, “we did our research, you always run out of cider early!”

“We always did,” admitted the mare, “but this time around we got a special visit from a friend a few weeks ago, tellin’ us t’ sort ourselves out with extra stock real quick ‘cause you pair were stalkin’ our business.” She smiled cheerfully to the pair with a couple of nods and then shooed them away with her hoof. The grit teeth and squinting eyes suggested they weren’t quite ready for that yet.

“Your methods are still dreadfully slow, right folks?” Flim began again, “With our machine, we can make enough cider in one hour to satisfy this entire town!”

“That’s right! And if the Apples still dispute that, then I guess we-“ a loud crack, a clank, and a lurch of the machine stopped Flam from finishing his sentence. All ears flew up and the crowd began to chatter nervously, backing away from the infernal machine. The boys looked over their shoulders to the source of the sound, and both gawked in horror at what, or who, they saw.

Trixie strolled across the roof of the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy six-thousand with something that distinctly looked integral to the cider-maker in her mouth. She leaped off of it daintily, gave the locomotive a tap with her hoof and dropped the spare part by the boys’ hooves.

“Trixie?” Exclaimed Flim.

“Snugaboo?” Whimpered Flam.

“You again?” Uttered Applejack with an eyebrow raised. The crowds gasped become a rumble until Trixie eventually spoke.

“Sorry, did the Great and Powerful Trixie break your toy? It was a little loose, Trixie assumed it was already like that,” suddenly, her face was mashed into Flam’s and it took all of Applejack’s power to lever her back. All the while, she rose her voice to Royal Canterlot levels, “JUST LIKE YOU ASSUMED MY HEART WAS A LITTLE LOOSE AND BROKE IT WHEN YOU HOOKED UP WITH THAT TART FROM THE FILTHY CAULDRON BEHIND TRIXIE’S BACK!”

“Whoa, easy there, Sugarcube,” Applejack attempted. In the moments that Trixie got her breath back, Flim realised just what the Great and Technical Trixie had torn from their machine. The parking brake.

With a glance back, he squealed in terror as their pride and joy had already initiated a backwards roll and was picking up speed fast.

“It looks like we've encountered a slight... problem here in Ponyville,” Flam was saying, before he also noticed their runaway vehicle. Both leaped to their hooves and gave chase, to a cheering of the crowd and a deeply terrifying rant from Trixie.

“THAT’S RIGHT, RUN! RUN FROM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE! YOUR MOUSTACHE LOOKS LIKE A DEAD CATERPILLAR AND WHEN I SAID I LIKED IT WHEN YOU SMELLED MY HOOVES TOO, I LIED! AND THIRTY SECONDS? REALLY? I’VE HAD TRICKS LAST LONGER THAN YOUR OR-“

A quick orchid colored hoof covered her mouth and apologised to the crowd, “Trixie, there’s foals present.” Starlight gave Applejack a final salute, a smirk, and together the two ponies poofed back to their own time, whilst a loud crashing explosion came from further down at the end of the orchard. The cowmare tsked softly and shrugged.

“So, who’s next for cider?”

Seeing how The Ticket Master (among other episodes) was handled, I think this is well within the bounds of the rules...

87. Trade Ya
And such it was that with a flash of light and a mighty report, Starlight materialized in front of the Mane 6 (and Spike) outside the Rainbow Falls Trader Exchange. Before any of the aforementioned mares (or dragon) could express their shock at her sudden appreance, though, Starlight moved on to the next stage of her schtick, which had long ago become well rehearsed.

"You two," she began with a gesture to Applejack and Rarity, "will spend the entire exchange bickering over a broach and a pie tin, but will ultimately leave empty-hooved. You," she continued, this time gesturing to Rainbow Dash, "will be given the run-around, and will ultimately trade Fluttershy away for the book you seek. As a result, you," she gestured to Twilight, "will have to declare the trade unfair, and will give Rainbow your old copy of the book she seeks. In all, the only being here to leave with an uninterrupted trade that totally doesn't go awry in any way whatsoever (that you'll know of) will be Spike... speaking of which, I'll see you again eventually. By the way, sorry for evil stuff I might be causing soon!"

Finally done with her rapid fire monologue, Starlight drew in a deep breath. Satisfied with her timely delivery and amused by the confused expressions the past versions of her friends wore that totally NEVER got old, she lit her horn and cast the time travel spell once more, disappearing with the very same flash of light and thunderous report as when she had arrived.

Pinkie Pie was the first to comment, expressing a sentiment that all present could relate to:
"Huh- What?! How?! WHY?! I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!"

EDIT: Got my seasons mixed up there for a moment... completely forgot that Our Town doesn't happen until some 5 or 6 episodes later!

Episode 55: Too Many Pinkie Pies

A large flash of light appeared inside a cave near Ponyville, this caved housed the mirror pool, which caused the next friendship problem on Starlight's list. Looking at a small pocket watch, she smiled.

"Right on time!" Starlight said as she started charging up a spell, with a flash of cyan light, all of the water in the enchanted pond disappeared, and was replaced with water from the mareiterranean sea, and with one final flash, the unicorn disappeared

Later...

Pinkie Pie came into an opening, looking around she noticed a small pond, bouncing up to it, she slowly stopped to remember what she had to say, after reminding herself of the little rhyme, she aporoached the mirror pool

And into her own reflection she stared, uh, yearning for one whose reflection she shared, and solemnly sweared not to be scared at the prospect of being doubly mared! she said, walking into the body of water, waiting a few moments, the pink pony stood up "hey what gives?" She asked to no one.

After getting out of the 'mirror pool' Pinkie Pie noticed a small sign that read "Out of Order, to anyone reading this, the mirror pool is permanently out of order to everyone (especially pink party ponies) and can no longer be used, we are sorry for any inconvenience

Signed
ACME

"No! Not ACME!!!" Pinkie said, very randomly, however she is always random, so you can definitely ignore this sentence and not worry about any conspiracy theories

Episode 62: keep calm and flutter on

Twilight’s ear twitched as she heard the now familiar sound of a time travel spell. Her eye twitched when she thought of the only pony who could be responsible. She let out a sigh as she closed the tome she was studying to go see what Starlight was up to this time.

“Really Starlight? Isn’t there a better time than 3 in the morning?” She asked as soon as she saw the pink culprit, who was hastily writing something on a scrap piece of parchment.

“Oh, I’m just putting a little something together that will help you out tomorrow.” Starlight said as she put the last finishing touches on the parchment. “Er- later today, technically.” she amended.

Having finally had enough of Starlight’s tomfoolery, Twilight made a plan. 1, chain starlight to a heavy object. 2, immediately incenerate whatever was on that parchment. 3, tell Pinkie Pie that Starlight was wondering about cherry chongas.

Making a plan has many benefits: it allows you to organise everything you need in the most logical manner, and it can make sure that you haven’t forgotten anything. The one downside is that it can occasionally allow time traveling nuisances to escape.

Twilight resisted the urge to curse at the unfortunate turn of events in case spike was awake, and lit up her horn to throw the cursed bit of parchment in the recycling bin.

Instead Twilight levitated the piece of parchment over to herself so she could see what Starlight had written. Seeing what it was she just rolled her eyes and went back to her tome.

“Why would I ever need to know a reforming spell?”

EP 56/S3E7: Wonderbolt Academy

Spitfire's office door swung open smoothly as a teal pegasus walked in.

"Cadet Dust," Spitfire looked up from signing photographs for the next fundraiser — they would need the money after the press got ahold of this fiasco. "Would you take a seat?"

"Yes, ma'am. Why did you call me in? I need to be at Oatis in 20."

"Do you think I don't know that? You're not going to Oatis, or anywhere for that matter."

Lightning Dust's hopeful eyes were crushed as Spitfire brought out a large white trash bag.

"Now, let's see what we have here..." Spitfire started rummaging through the bag and started bringing out items. "Several boxes of cigarettes, lighter, bottles of booze — ooh, Buck Daniels — and all of this."

Spitfire then upended the bag, pouring out lots of clear bags filled with various pills, powders, and syringes.

"We found all of this hidden in your bunk and in your locker. One of these would be enough to bust you for using, but with all of these? I say you're planning to sell. Tartarus, even the cigarettes are hallucinogens."

"But—but—but—THEY'RE NOT MINE! Somepony planted them!"

"Cadet Dust, who on equus would plant this much contraband on you and why?"

"I don't know, but they want to sabotage me!"

"Cadet, thousands run this program a year. Targeting you out of the crowd is... unlikely."

Lighting Dust straightened up and smirked. "It's perfectly likely when nopony can fly like me!"

"Actually, 20% of the cadets in the program can fly like you. 6.5 seconds on the Dizzitron is nothing to boast about. If anypony here is a target for sabotage, it's Cadet Dash. And we checked, she's clean. Hoof over your badge, and go with the nice officer from the DEA. It's a shame, though — you did have potential."

Across the base, a pair of binoculars slipped back into a cloud, which vanished in an aquamarine burst, leaving only a pizza box attached to a parachute.

76: Three's a Crowd

As Twilight Sparkle read the letter Spike had delivered, she practically vibrated with excitement. Things were going perfectly, and she couldn't wait for the fun to begin. She had a list and-

"WAT" went reality, as Starlight Glimmer stepped out of a portal in time.

"Okay, Twilight, I know you're all set for that great time you're going to have with your Best Friend Sister In Law or whatever you call Cadance, so here's some things that'll help you get to actually have a good time with her." With that, she slammed a small bottle of over the counter cold medicine on the table nearby, along with a post-it-note. "Discord is faking it, and he's going to try and 'test your friendship' by sending you and Cadance off for some miracle cure."

Licking her lips in a subconscious nervous tick and looking off to the side, Twilight mouthed 'friendship test' to herself.

Wacking her with a rolled up newspaper, Starlight grunted in frustration. "No, bad Twilight. Those are bad, and you should feel bad for thinking it is a good idea. Anyways, he really will be sick in a day or so. Give him the pills, instructions are on the side. Also, the note is for Cadance, since she's bored at home. Read it if you can't help your curiosity, but be warned: your young and nubile senses may be offended by what it says." Starlight narrowed her eyes, glaring at Twilight. "In other words, don't be nosy."

With a sucking sound that echoed on several planes of existence at once, the unicorn allowed herself to be pulled back out of the current time space.

Unable to help himself, Spike, who had witnessed the whole episode with mouth gaping in shock, leaned over the table and read the note.

"Why would Cadance need escorts while on a swing set? Doesn't she already have guards? I don't get it."

For a moment, Twilight remained confused. However, she would, moments later, piece the details together with traumatizing effect. As Twilight's eyes widened to dinner plates and pupils narrowed to pinpricks, an extremely high whine started to emanate from her throat that would be roughly the same level as a dog whistle. It would be several hours before the local dogs would settle down from the piercing wail.

Soarin really had nothing to worry about as he fell to his death; none other than Rainbow Dash was there to save him. He had been worrying anyway, numerous pies he'd eaten flashing before his eyes, but he was also enough of a dumbass to slam into a hoop post while ogling the cheerleaders, so what do you want?

But, deserving or not, he was saved and quickly on the ground next to Rainbow, as teammates and friends cheered the daring midair rescue.

"Awethum!" said Fleetfoot.

"As good as any Wonderbolt," said Spitfire, absolutely dripping foreshadowing.

Some other ponies said some things that didn't matter.

"My wing hurts," said dumb ol' Clipper. That definitely mattered. Not having hurt wings was like, super important if you wanted to do Equestria Games stuff.

"I'm sure it'll be okay by the competition," he said, convincing literally nopony with his words.

VZZT VWRP BOING

All present turned at the series of bizarre sound effects to see a pink unicorn mare extruding from the aether.

"Starlight!?" Twilight interrobanged, with that adorable screwed-up expression that meant she really did not approve of, let alone understand, what was going on at the moment.

"If I may," said Starlight, striding into the company of ponies as the medic pulled a mobile stretcher up.

"Soarin's only sprained his wing," she said, pointing to him as he was helped onto the stretcher. "He just needs a little rest, but he'll be able to help the Cloudsdale team qualify for the relay. No worries."

She pointed at Rainbow Dash. "This one, meanwhile, would of course kill for a chance to fly with her heroes. That'd be you two, by the way," she asided to Spitfire and Fleetfoot. "But she also doesn't want to let her Ponyville friends down by ditching them for you. If you all practice together, that would help things, but I imagine there are rules or regulations or something that you all care about, so my goal here is just to air everyone's dirty laundry so there's no drama. Speaking of which..."

Starlight zipped over to Fleetfoot and put an arm around her shoulder. "You could stand to be less of a stuck-up, arrogant bitch..."

"Hey!" Fleetfoot tried to take a swing at the unicorn but was too slow to make contact. She teleported atop Spitfire, who yelped and tried to shake her off.

"You could stand to actually be a leader once in a while and keep your subordinates, y'know, subordinate--"

Lastly, Starlight teleported right up next to Rainbow Dash and whispered in her ear. "And you could stand to realize that she--" she nodded to Fluttershy, who was trying really hard to seem like she wasn't both intrigued by and afraid of everything happening at the moment-- "would suck a moldy apple out of your butthole, given half a chance. She's doing all this for you, dude!" She socked Rainbow in the shoulder. "That kind of devotion doesn't come around every day, don't let it go to waste!"

Dash cried "Eeewww!" as Starlight pulled away from her.

"Your friends from Ponyville aren't going to begrudge you taking an opportunity to show off for your heroes." Starlight smiled. "You don't have to win in this competition, just qualify. So lighten the heck up." She punctuated the last few words by socking Rainbow in the shoulder some more. It was almost enough to hurt.

"Oh! And one more thing..."

Starlight's horn lit with magic, and for a moment, everypony looked every which way, as nothing seemed to be happening. Then, at the back of the group, Applejack cried, "Mah apple brown betties!"

She was summarily coated in a mountain of apple-filled pastries.

"Nopony freaking cares, Applejack!" Starlight yelled. She waved at all and sundry, smiling as though she hadn't been livid just a moment ago.

"Okay, that's it, everypony have fun at the Games, probably see you then, love you, kisses, byeee!"

And the time-space continuum sucked her up like the aforementioned fruit through the aforementioned orifice.

Soarin flew intricate loops through the practice rings as the Ponyville relay team watched from below. The Cloudsdale cheerponies started cheering, and he lifted his goggles to give them a wave, because he's kind of an idiot. Which was why he flew right into a--

"RAIDAH KIKKU!"

...An incoming flying armor pony, who kicked him right in the jaw and sent him spiralling into the sky somehow. More into the sky, anyway, since he was already flying.

"I regret everythiiiiiiiing!" he cried, and then he exploded.

The armored pony, who kind of looked like a red dragon, 'cause of the wings and stuff, did a superhero landing right in front of the other two Wonderbolts, who were shocked for about two seconds. That was enough time for the pony to lay a hoof right upside Fleetfoot's jaw.

"RAIDAH PAWNCH!"

Fleetfoot flipped end over end, clearing the Cloudsdale team tent and exploding when she hit the ground on the other side.

Now, say what you will about the Wonderbolts: Spitfire just saw two of her teammates get one-shotted and then explode. Her opponent was in full body armor and had unknown capabilities. And Spitfire went for it.

In no time flat, the two ponies were locked in hoof-to-hoof combat, superior strength countered by superior agility. Despite having no augmentations whatsoever, Spitfire, Captain of the Wonderbolts, stood her damn ground against the masked assailant, and for every blow she evaded, she gave two more to her foe.

Not that they did much, mind you. But the ponies around them were cheering like crazy. They didn't know what was going on; all they knew was it looked awesome.

That is, until the armored pony got in a good feint and knocked Spitfire sideways into the dirt. This gave her just enough time to spin the grey thingy on her chest three-hundred-sixty degrees.

"KAMEN RAIDAAAA! Essu-Zi!"

The pony launched herself into the air and shouted, "RAIDAH KIKKU!" again. Spitfire dragged herself to her hooves, saw the armored pony rocketing towards her from above and faced her end with the dignity and courage only a true master of the skies could possess.

She exploded on impact.

Kamen Rider Essu-Zi superhero landed on the other side of the explosion. She thrust a hoof out and a little blue plastic watch dropped into it, bearing the likenesses of the three Wonderbolts she'd just creamed. Her audience gaped as her armor dissolved, revealing a familiar pink unicorn beneath.

"I have so many questions right now," mumbled Fluttershy.

"Starlight?" Rainbow Dash screamed, her voice cracking. "What the hay did you do that for?"

"That's what happens when I'm not in season three," Starlight "Mayan Apocalypse" Glimmer growled. "Also, I just really wanted to punch Fleetfoot in the teeth."

She removed the red dragon watch from her henshin device and plugged the Wonderbolt one in its place. She gave the thing a spin, and it projected an image of Spitfire in front of her.

"KAMEN RAIDAAAA! Essu-Zi!"

"Hold on," cried Rainbow, rushing forward, "you can't just armor up and leave again. I'm still trying to work through all that stuff you told me about Applejack! Especially because she's doing app--"

"Ugh, I know." Starlight made a face. "The apple brown betties thing. You have my sympathies, Dash, but I never said love was easy."

She kicked the image and it armored her back up. Now, she was all blue with yellow stripes and regular, non-dragon wings.

"Anyway, I gotta book. Smell you later, Rainbow Dash."

She kicked off the ground and rocketed into the stratosphere. The only reason Rainbow Dash didn't catch her was that she was too stunned for words. Well, and Starlight disappeared through space and time and stuff.

My god, what the hell. Who's even the hero in this story? Was that good, what we just saw? Was that something we should be rooting for? Well, the armored pony watching from the shadows certainly didn't think so...

56. One Bad Apple

“Suppose you’re going to join their little club? What’s it called, the Cutie Mark Crusaders?” Silver Spoon asked the unfamiliar pony, her voice mocking.

There was a long pause. Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo looked expectantly at Babs, waiting for her confirmation.

Babs blew her hair out of her eyes and opened her mouth. “More like-“

The was a puff of magic from the middle of the room. “I’m going to stop you right there,” Starlight announced, a cheery smile on her face. She turned to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. “Look, I’m calling a ban on this one. She’s off limits. Mess with her, and not only will she make you regret it, I will happily inform your parents that you were here to sabotage this float, and trust me when I say I will make sure they believe me. Now scram.”

Diamond Tiara looked like she was almost indignant enough to object, but her mind was made for her when a glow of aquamarine magic pushed her and Silver Spoon out the door.

“Don’t I know you from somewhere?” Apple Bloom interjected. “Why are you even here?”

Starlight turned and smiled at her. “You’ll thank me later. Now, Babs has been going through some rough stuff in Manehatten, and she has bullies of her own there. You take good care of her, alright? She’s here to make friends, after all.”

Finally, she turned to Babs. “Those two,” she gestured with a hoof out the barn door, “Are not your friends. You’ll be much better off dealing with your bullies than becoming one. Now enjoy your float.”

With another puff of magic, she vanished. After a long moment, Babs turned to Apple Bloom. “Who the hay was that?”

“Uhh… Long story,” was the only answer she got.

Episode 58: Sleepless in Ponyville

Scootaloo checked the sky nervously. “But what about Rainbow Dash? Isn't Rainbow Dash coming?” she said.

“Course she is, sugarcube,” Applejack replied. “She's gonna meet us up at our first campsite.”

“Oh.”

“Alright, y'all, let's move 'em out!”

The others started trotting away, and just as Scootaloo turned to follow, she heard something from the bushes. “Psst!”

Scootaloo stared at the bush curiously.

“Psst! Yeah, you!”

Scootaloo poked her head in the bushes, and found a strangely familiar pink unicorn. “Haven’t I seen you before?” she asked.

“That’s not important,” Starlight Glimmer said. “I’m here to tell you a scary story.”

“A scary story?”

“Yes. There’s this old mare, and she keeps asking ponies if they have her rusty horseshoe.”

“That’s not very scary,” Scootaloo noted.

“Yeah, I’m terrible at telling scary stories,” Starlight Glimmer admitted. “But you know who’s great at telling scary stories? Rainbow Dash!”

“She is? I mean, of course she is!” Scootaloo said.

“She's so good, she might even scare you,” Starlight Glimmer warned.

Scootaloo gulped. She didn’t want to be scared in front of the most fearless pony in Ponyville!

“But you know what? This was Rainbow Dash, the night after she heard that olden pony story for the first time.” She pulled out a photograph.

Scootaloo grabbed the photograph and looked at it. It showed a filly Rainbow Dash sitting up in her cloud bed, looking like she had just woken up; her short rainbow mane was sticking up in every direction. She had a look of horror on her face as she stared at a yellow stain on the cloud bed.

“So, if you can hear Rainbow Dash’s scary story and not pee your bedroll, then you’re already tons braver than her,” Starlight Glimmer said.

Scootaloo smiled. She could do that. As long as somepony didn’t stick her hoof in a bowl of warm water... again.

“Oh, and if you’re tired, eat these before going out on your scooter,” Starlight Glimmer said, passing Scootaloo a bag.

“What are these?”

“Roasted espresso beans.”

The strange unicorn spoke the truth. Rainbow Dash was a great scary storyteller. But after waking up to a dry bedroll, she knew she had nothing to fear. She was braver than Rainbow Dash, and her idol was definitely going to take her under her wing.

The day after returning from their camping trip, Scootaloo rediscovered the bag of espresso beans she had received from the strange unicorn, and shared them with her Crusader friends.

The resulting damages to Ponyville took two days, seven songs, and four montages to repair.

81

Big Mac walked into a large empty room with only a wear looking metallic chair in the middle. He sat down in it and the back began to lower. It spun and began to rise as the room began to vibrate and amount of turkey feathers so numerous they acted like a liquid filled the room. It all circled him like a whirlpool below him in the chair which began to slowly sink into the feathers.

As Big Mac finished chewing the gum Starlight said to him “And that’s what it’s like to chew five gum. So, is your throat feeling better?”

“Ee-nope.”

“Huh… guess it’s on to plan B. And that wasted nearly half my time.” *pop*

Tomorrow

*pop* Starlight appeared in a crowd watching the B-sharps singing on stage. She lit her horn and cast a one-way x-ray spell on the wall which she knew for totally scientific reasons and nothing suss. Everyone could see Fluttershy singing and quickly enough realised that Big Mac was lipsyncing. Boos started to erupt as lipsyncing is the second most disliked act in Equestria right behind using someone else’s art without providing a link to the original.

“Oh come on…” *pop*

15 years ago

*pop* Starlight slapped the once famous singer, now [in the future] shamed and hated for being the first ever lipsyncer, Justin Timberwolf “Don’t lipsync.”

“Ough… wha… what’s lipsyncing? Who are you?”

Starlight slapped her again. “Did I stutter? Don’t lipsync!” *pop*

A time in which events happen

*pop* Starlight appeared in a crowd watching the B-sharps singing on stage right behind herself who was casting an x-ray spell on the curtain. There was a brief moment of confusion from the audience before they continued to cheer. After the song finished they started chanting “Fluttershy! Fluttershy! Fluttershy!” who was, with a *pop* suddenly on the stage. The rest would work itself out.

“Well, my work is done…” Starlight said as she turned around and prepared to leave onto the next episode. Only to come face to face with herself. “Oh fu-” they both got out before the paradox temporarily destroyed the universe around her before reloading from the previous save. “Well great… now i have to start all over. Alright, on to plan… what letter was it again? Eh…” *pop*

Yesterday

*ring* *ring* “PVPD, Officer Stop Resisting Speaking” he answered as the phone [which is totally a thing in equestria] rang at the Ponyville Police department. “A bomb? At Sweet apple Acres?! But the Annual Turkey Call Competition is going on there later today! How did you find this out? … Hello? Hello?!”

Starlight hung up the phone. She could’ve just stopped Big Mac from making a turkey call and never losing his voice. But Starlight really didn’t want to put in any more effort than she had already. Instead she just put her hooves up and sat back in her chair.

“Now I have to wait another whole year to win the competition!” Pinkie Pie cried from right beside her making Starlight stream and fall out of her chair.

“Argh!” *pop*

El fin

Everything was proceeding splendidly for one Ms Peachbottom as she moved slowly through the line that lead towards the customs officer at the Canterlot Grand Central Station where she was hoping to make her connecting train to the Crystal Empire on time. With a strained smile, she looked up at the clock that was suspended in the air with unseen magic, then to her left where she saw a sign for the little filly's room, which is when she felt it.

She needed to pee.

"Ooo..." she groaned as quietly as she could, trying to hold it. "Nope, can't." Ms Peachbottom said aloud, then looked behind her, finding a smiling unicorn with a pale, light greyish heliotrope coat and a purple mane with green streaks that she swore she didn't see behind her a few minutes earlier. "Ummm... Excuse me, miss...?"

"Oh? yes?" The mare said.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but could you possibly hold my place in line," Ms Peachbottom asked. "Nature calls," she explained needlessly.

"Oh, I'd be happy too," The smiling mare responded.

"Oh, thank you so much." Ms Peachbottom said before bolting from the line towards the bathroom, leaving her flower motif covered luggage behind.

Once she was out of sight, Starlight concentrated magic through her horn and teleported a small, unassuming package wrapped in brown paper from her 'luggage' into that of Ms Peachbottom's. Once that was completed, she dispelled her specialized 'notice-me-not' spell, turned to the stallion behind her, who was understandably startled that somepony other than the green-maned lady was in front of him, offered him ten bits to watch Ms Peachbottom's luggage, then left the line.

Rounding a corner, she held up her stopwatch.

"26.. 27... Oh, I'm good at this." She said to herself, then popped out of existence.

In a dark alley behind Sugarcube Corner, Starlight Glimmer waited patiently. She didn't need to wait long, as the mare she had contacted earlier stepped out of the shadows for a moment before walking towards Starlight.

"You got the bits?" Tree Hugger asked, in her characteristic aloof manner.

"Of course, you got the package?"

"Does Fluttershy love animals?"

They both laughed at the awkwardness of the exchange, then Starlight proffered the bag of bits, which Tree Hugger reached for, only to grab Starlight's foreleg and pulled her close.

"Now listen here," Tree Hugger started, the 'aloofness' of her voice replaced with a steely edge. "This much marejuana is enough for an intent to distribute conviction, that's 5-15 in the slammer." She continued, reaching up into her dreadlocked mane and pulling a rather sharp looking and quite large hair pin. "You get caught with this, you don't know me. Rat me out and I'll shank you in prison my first day. Got it?"

"Yes." Starlight croaked.

"Awesome," Tree Hugger responded, her entire demeanour changing back to her normal self as she replaced the pin in her mane, then tossed her what looked like a brick wrapped in brown paper. "Have fun!"

"Yeah... Sure..." Starlight said nervously once Tree Hugger was out of earshot.

85. Leap of Faith

The good ol’ Element of Honesty was baffled by her recent discovery.

The Flim-Flam brothers were back in Ponyville; not only selling a shady tonic but putting on such a believable performance with Silver Shill, their “healed cripple”, that it had convinced Granny Smith the green algae in a bottle could cure her of entirely everything. Of course, it had all been a ruse; the pony they mended was a mere performer on their payroll who repeated the ‘miracle’ night and day to every new audience.

Unfortunately, the fact remained that Granny was a happier pony with the fake tonic, and the Flim-Flams were enjoying convincing Applejack she was in the wrong for questioning her grand matriarch’s joy.

“Do you really want to be the pony who takes all that happiness away?” Flam finished.

“Of course you don’t!” cried a voice that was all too familiar to Applejack, “but I do!”

“Trixie?”

“Snugaboo?” whimpered Flam

“Aye! The Great and Powerful Trixie has returned with her great and time-trotting friend to get her revenge!” The pale blue sorceress stepped out of the shadows with a levitating table and four bottles of the magical elixir the Flim-Flam Bros & co were peddling, A second pony hurtled out of the dark from beside her towards Applejack.

“Who in tarnation? Twilight? That you?” yelped the cowmare. Trixie paused, blinking over at her comrade.

“Why does Applejack not recognise you by now, Starlight?”

“Time stuff,” explained Starlight hastily, waving her hoof regardlessly, “according to Twilight’s books, it’s not a straight line, it’s more like a messy scribble. Sometimes they recognise me, sometimes they don’t. It’s complicated and I’m really wasting the-” she stopped as she looked at her watch. It was already well over thirty seconds. She gave a long sigh.

“I’ll come back and redo this entry another day, but for now…” she ignited her horn, creating a steaming hot pizza box for Applejack, giving a smile, “let’s just enjoy the Great and Powerful Trixie show.”

“I- uh... “ the eldest farm girl looked on at the discomfort on the Flim-Flam faces and smirked, opening the box, “whatever you say, future Twilight. Love the mane, Sugarcube.” She stuffed a pizza slice in her muzzle and munched as Starlight corrected her. Trixie slammed the table down before the boys, prowling around it like a tigeress enticing her meal to make things interesting.

“You broke Trixie’s heart, Flam Scam, and you are a no good peeping tom, Flim Skim.” She arranged all four bottles on the table and spun them enchantedly until each pony had a bottle, with one spare. “The game is simple! Yakyakistan Roulette! Three of these bottles are your phony-shoomony tonic, but one has an added ingredient that will give you a lot more ‘get up and go’ than Granny Smith!”

“Ridiculous!” snapped Flim, “We simply won’t play!”

“Snugaboo?” gurgled Flam pitifully.

“Ah, but if you don’t, then the Loud and Shameless Trixie will confess all! For instance, Applejack, did you know Flam has a particular interest in dressing up in diapers and-”

“Dangit, I don’t wanna know!” wailed the mare, trying to cover her ears with pizza.

“Alright! Alright, we’ll play,” growled Flim as Trixie snatched Silver Shill and positioned the shaking stallion at the last bottle, “but before we do, we want your word that if we win, this menacing stops here, Trixie!”

“Done, and done,” nodded Trixie, and grabbed her bottle. The others copied, and as they did, Silver yelped.

“Wait! Before I do this, I have to speak the truth.” He spun to the pizza-laden mare. As he did so, Flim swiftly exchanged Flam’s bottle for Trixie’s and sneered.

“Seeing this crazy unicorn dare to admit to dating somepony with such odd fetishes,” gestured Silver, “well, that made me realise I’ve been misleading ponies into believing something that just wasn’t true. I should never have taken this bit from my first sale as a dishonest pony.” He took out a gold coin and put it on the table with a sigh, before returning to the game. As he turned, the light of the incandescent lights reflected through Silver’s bottle and into Applejack’s eyes, momentarily blinding her. As her sight returned, a odd rainbow shone over her pupils.

“You’re right… I’m gonna tell everypony!” Applejack started for the door, only to be stopped by the magician mare firing a bolt of fireworks into the air.

“LESS-TALKING-MORE-DRINKING!” she roared, then tossed back her drank with gusto. The stallions looked around and drank too. Four empty clanks announced fate had entered the game. A few tense seconds passed.

Flim applauded, “Too bad, Trixie, looks like you-” Gurgle. he looked to his stomach in shock, then yelped in horror as it growled ferociously.  

“But… I…” he never finished his sentence, forced instead to run for relief. A second guttural rumble reverberated between them.

“Snugaboo!” howled Flam, before he too was running to the nearest lavatory.

“W-Well, I guess that leaves us two... “ Silver Shill collected his coin, looked to it nervously then held it out to Applejack.

“I want you to-” grrrrrowl went his guts, “Oh, sweet Celestia, have mercy!” Off he galloped, leaving the bit in the orange pony’s confused hoof.

“EVERY BOTTLE HAD A LAXATIVE! THAT WILL TEACH YOU, FLIM FLAM BROTHERS!” laughed Trixie manically. Starlight blinked uncomfortably at her.

“Even yours?” she asked.

“EVEN MINE! Luckily, my wonderful friend surely knows a spell to stop the effects of a…” She faltered when Glimmer shook her head. “No? Oh dear...” burble!

“I need to get her home, fast,” Starlight patted Applejack’s shoulder, “You got this, right? Good. Bye, for now!” She spun and latched onto Trixie hastily. In a flash, the pair were gone, leaving only an odd and unpleasant aroma.

“Wus that you?” enquired Applebloom as she stepped into the tent. “Oh! Pizza!”

Applejack passed the box across to her sister, and vowed to herself to never talk about this night ever again. Even if she had to lie.  

~Fin~

63. Just for Sidekicks

"I have no jewels, I have no cake."

In the middle of the Golden Oaks Library, Spike lamented the loss of the main ingredients to his disgustingly mineral-rich cake recipe -ingredients that he had eaten- while Owlicious watched the greedy, self-pitying drake from the mantle of the library's frighteningly flammable fireplace, wishing for all the world that he could get the drake to stop singing.

"I'm a sad little dragon, with nothing to-"

Thankfully, a knock at the door interrupted the mulberry reptile before he could continue, and Owlowiscious gave a hoot of relief that once again made the Number One Assistant think he had said 'Who'.

"-is it?"

Owlowiscious could only shake his head. 'Assistant' indeed.

Spike stood up from the floor and moved depressingly over to the door, swinging it open to reveal Fluttershy and her demonic bunny, the latter perched lazily upon her pink mane while a pair of saddlebags rested on her withers. The moment she saw the frilly pink apron and the measuring cup perched on Spike's head, however, she quickly began to have second thoughts, "Oh! Oh goodness, I- I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

Spike turned towards the bowl of cake batter in his claw, "Well, I do have this cake to not bake."

"Oh, sorry, it's a bad time..."

"Ehh, inside joke. Talk to me."

Spike gestured for the shy pegasus to enter as he walked back inside, uselessly mixing the batter in his mixer bowl as he took a seat on the library's stairs.

"It's just that, Princess Cadence needs us to do a great job welcoming the head of the Equestria Games when she visits the Crystal Empire tomorrow-"

"Oh, I know all about that," the drake interrupted, allowing an unseen audience to breathe a sigh of relief, "As if I wouldn't be any help at welcoming."

"Oh, I don't know what I was thinking! Of course you might be upset for not being invited, and here I am coming to ask you for a favor." Fluttershy turned shamefully towards the door and started trotting back out, "You were probably going to say no anyway; all I had to offer you in exchange was one little jewel."

"What was that?"

Fluttershy leaped into the air with a scream, latching onto Owlowiscious in fear of the drake as he practically teleported in front of her. Realizing what she'd just done, the pegasus quickly let go of the owl and gave him an apologetic smile before landing back on the floor and pulling a large green jewel from her saddlebags, "All I have is this jewel."

The jewel gleamed in Celestia's sunlight as it filtered through the windows, making it look all the more enticing for bookhorse's Number One Assistant as he shamelessly drooled onto the floor, "That's a really big one!"

Just as Fluttershy was about to put it away, a mulberry blur snatched it from her hoof and took the form of Spike, bouncing on his tail and hugging the looted treasure, "A really big, juicy, perfect for a cake-topper jewel."

"I agree, thanks Fluttershy."

A turquoise glow surrounded the green jewel, floating it over to a familiar, heliotrope unicorn, who was currently laboring over Spike's mixing bowl as she read the recipe for the gem cake, her friendship journal rested on the opposite side of the bowl, closed to protect its pages, "I'll take the job."

"Starlight?!" Angel Bunny immediately hopped down from his perch in Fluttershy's mane and bounded across the library towards the only other pony he could actually love to be around, "No, I couldn't ask you to- I mean, you've probably got more important things to do than watch my bunny."

"And my gem!" Spike said angrily before realizing his mistake, "Uh- I mean, her gem." Spike chuckled bashfully.

Starlight Glimmer offered Fluttershy a smile before turning back to her work, eagerly running a hoof over Angel's belly as he laid down on the counter, "It's no trouble at all, in fact, it'd be my pleasure to take care of this adorable widdle guy." Angel could only offer a series of happy squeaks as Starlight spoiled the furry little demon, which only made the unicorn smile even more as she suddenly pulled hundreds of gem shards from Spike's mouth and merged them back into their original wholes.

Spike's reaction was instantaneous, gagging and coughing as he fell to the floor, but Starlight was heedless of her future castlemate's plight as she cleaned the gems off and put them into the mixing bowl, "Besides, I'm almost done solving this friendship problem. Taking care of Angel for you is just a bonus."

Once the gems were in place, a flash of light and heat transformed the cake into its full, diabetic glory, which was swiftly placed in front of a now heavily drooling Spike.

Angel Bunny hopped into Starlight's purple mane as the mare trotted out of the library next to Fluttershy, the day's crisis successfully averted, "So I was wondering if I could try and style Angel's tail for Tuesday instead of just fluffing it, give it a bit more flair and make it stand out y'know?"

"Oh, that sounds just wonderful, Starlight! What styles did you have in mind?"

The sounds of Spike's ravenous hunger were all that followed the two mares and bunny as they left the library, and as icing and gem shards began to fling about the room, an owl followed soon after.

It wasn't until the cake was gone and Spike had rested a claw on his swollen belly that a flash of light announced the arrival of Twilight Sparkle. The purple unicorn looked frantically around the library before galloping over to her Number One Assistant and shouting at him, "Where is she?! Where's Starlight?! I know she was here, I know it."

Spike couldn't answer, having entered an intense food coma that would leave him regretting his life decisions the following morning. At least he got to have his cake, and eat it.

S03E05 (Episode 57) MAGIC DUEL

Only a few books remained on the shelves, as Ponyville’s heroes—minus Twilight Sparkle—pored through looking for something that would explain Trixie’s newfound abilities. Just as they were about to lose hope, the snap of a teleportation spell rang through the library, in stereo, as two unicorns appeared on either side of the room.

“You can stop worrying, everypony!” Starlight Glimmer said. “I brought back Twilight, and I’m here to fix everything Trixie’s done wrong!”

The ponies and Spike let out a “Woo-hoo!” while Twilight just sighed. Working with Zecora, she thought that she was making progress and might have found a way to defeat Trixie on her own, but the important thing was to get Ponyville back to normal.

Starlight put her hoof to her chin and went back over what she had read about Trixie’s reign of terror. “Let’s see, the first thing to do is to take care of that awful glass dome. What was she thinking?”

She walked purposefully outside. The others joined her just as she took a wide stance and pointed her horn skyward. Her beam cut through the dark clouds and enveloped the glass. A second later, cracks spidered throughout the dome. The whole thing shattered with a mellifluent crash, but Starlight held all the shards in her magic and collected them safely.

“That’s done then,” Starlight said. “Rainbow Dash, could you get that black overcast sky out of town?”

“You got it!”

“Don’t move the clouds too far, though. They’ll be perfect for the obscurity spell I’ll give Trixie to replace the dome.”

“Huh?!”

Turning to face the others, Starlight had the wide grin of a mare whose work was done. “Am I right? The energy used for a magical force field and a glass dome would drain even the Alicorn Amulet! Plus all the annoyances about letting folks through who have a genuine need. No, just make the town impossible to find and it’s much easier.

“As for the rest of it…” She opened her saddlebag and floated out a small pouch. “Applejack, here are some magi-netically modified seeds that will grow apples without peels just like Trixie wants. Rarity, I got you some premade patterns for Trixie’s banners so you won’t have to stab yourself with needles to sew them. Also I may have to lubricate the ground in Ponyville so that Trixie can have her wagons pulled without wheels, so you’re gonna wanna watch your step. OK, I think that fixes everything.”

The ponies just stared, slack-jawed. Starlight’s body glowed with the time-travel spell, and that shook Twilight out of her stupor.

“What do you mean, that fixes everything?! Trixie’s still running Ponyville! Pinkie Pie still doesn’t have a mouth, for pony’s sake!”

“Oh, well, I did the research on that, and she’s already ingested enough calories to live out a normal pony’s lifespan, so nothing wrong there. So yeah, it’s all good. Try not to screw things up and overthrow Trixie.

“Although if you do ever figure out a spell to turn a mare into a stallion, give me a call.” And with a seductive wink and a click of her tongue, Starlight vanished.

“I can’t believe it: The real Daring Do, and the real Caballeron!” Twilight said in surprise, looking through the window of A.K. Yearling’s house as Caballeron was in the middle of accosting Daring Do with his henchponies. A smell of o-zone and the magical crack of teleportation cut through the air, however, as Starlight Glimmer arrived in the nick of time (as always).

“Seriously, Twilight? Dash? You’re that starstruck right now?” She said, lighting her horn and levitating the three henchponies in the house into the air and away from Daring Do.

Both Daring Do and Caballeron expressed surprise at the occurrence, though Daring Do was the first to take advantage of the moment. Even with her leg injured, she pushed herself into the air and used her wings to fly forward, tackling Caballeron. The golden ring flew off of his neck and out of the doorway, landing on the forest floor, where Starlight picked it up into the air.

Caballeron’s eyes were glued to it, extending a hoof to try and catch the ring to no avail. “No, my retirement!” he shouted, before Daring Do knocked her hoof hard enough into the back of his skull to knock him unconscious.

Starlight finally let the henchponies go, who fell to the floor with a heavy thud. After picking themselves up and looking at Daring Do, the new unicorn who had appeared, and their employer passed out on the floor, they quickly exited the cabin as quickly as they could (which happened to be out of two separate windows) and ran for the hills.

Daring Do occupied herself with preparing a splint for her leg, as Starlight looked to Rainbow Dash and Twilight, the latter of which was already nursing her forehead with both of her hooves.

“Dash, stop being starstruck. Daring Do is just a pony and she needs help. Don’t be an awkward egghead doofus about this.”

“Hey!” was all she could get out before Starlight walked into the house.

“And you! You should know better than to shun the help of others. You already had to get help to overcome your fears from Professor Ravenhoof in Daring Do and the Trek to the Terrifying Tower. Just accept the help of a pony like Rainbow Dash and her friends and maybe you’ll actually live through one of your books without like fourteen different injuries.”

Daring Do stared wide eyed at Starlight, and then gently rubbed her currently wounded leg. “I… Alright,” she said, sitting up and putting on her hat.

“Good. Now just listen to what her plan is, Dash. She knows what she’s doing, alright? Oh, and leave this out of the book, okay?” Starlight pulled out her journal again and lit her horn, disappearing from the house in a flash of light.

“Who was that pony?” Daring Do asked, looking to Twilight and her friends.

“Please don’t ask,” Twilight replied with a groan, dragging her hoofs across her face and then sighing. “Let’s just save Equestria or whatever.”

53 & 54. The Crystal Empire

After receiving news from Northern Equestria that the Crystal Empire had returned, Princess Celestia sent for Princess Cadance and Shining Armor to be sent to protect it. When they arrived, however, the Empire seemed fine. The citizens were bright-eyed and gleeful. The fearsome King Sombra that they had been warned about was nowhere to be seen. They made their way to the palace, past the Crystal Heart, spinning in place beneath it. They headed up to the throne room.

"Ah, there you are!" Starlight Glimmer greeted from her seat on the throne. Spike stood nearby. "Don't mind me, I was just keeping the seat warm for you, Cadance."

"What's going on?" Cadance asked.

"Well, it's a long story," Starlight said. Spike gave her a dubious look. "Actually, it's a not-so-long story."

In a flash of purple light, Starlight appeared in Twilight's library.

"Hey Twi, can I borrow Spike for a minute?" Starlight asked rhetorically before grabbing Spike in her magic.

"What!? No!" Twilight objected.

"Kay-thanks-bye!" Starlight said as they both vanished again. They reappeared an instant later in the Crystal Empire. "Here Spike, take this," Starlight said, giving him the Crystal Heart that she had managed to pilfer with her fore-knowledge from Sombra's trap. Spike held the Crystal Heart in his hands as Starlight shouted, "Citizens, behold! Great and Honorable Spike the Brave and Glorious has returned with the Crystal Heart!"

"I did what with the what now?" Spike asked, utterly confused as the entire population of the city poured out of their homes and gathered around them.

"Just bring it over there," Starlight said, pointing over towards the center of the courtyard beneath the palace. Spike took a few steps and the Heart leaped out of his hands and took it's place hovering between the crystal spires. The crystal ponies were so filled with love and joy to see it returned that they powered the Heart, sending out a blast of magical energy, utterly incinerating the shadowy fiend Sombra before he could even reach the Empire.

~~~

"... and that was how Spike one-shot King Sombra and saved the Empire," Starlight said before she vanished in a flash.

"Wow Spike, you're a hero!" Cadance said.

"I walked like, ten feet," Spike grumbled.

S04E09 / Episode 74: Pinkie Apple Pie

“I suppose we could always…” Applejack began. “I mean Goldie Delicious doesn’t live all that far away… And we haven’t been on one as a family in a real long time—”

Granny Smith, Apple Bloom, and Big Mac all smiled like it was the end of harvest season and Applejack had done all the work again. She’d clearly just had a brilliant idea—well maybe not brilliant, but they all knew it meant getting out of the Sweet Apple Acres Honest Labor Camp for at least a day.

Pinkie Pie smiled, too! She had no idea what she was smiling about, but she wanted so much to be a part of the Apple family, and apparently smiling like a maniac was a membership requirement and she had a lot of practice at that!

And then her tail twitched. And her right hind hoof shook like mad. And she felt a warmth under her tummy, which was probably just lunch because you know how chimicherrychangas with ghost chilis always do that when you eat the chilis first and maybe she should blend those in next time and it might be a good idea to not eat the whole bag at one shot anyway but where’s the fun in that?

“Are y’all thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?” Applejack asked. Granny and the Apple siblings all took a deep breath and shouted triumphantly.

“Road trip!”

Pinkie Pie let loose a blood-curdling scream and launched herself into the air.

At that instant a flash of light like a new star blinded everypony. When their eyesight finally returned, the Apple family witnessed Pinkie Pie trying to strangle to death a now-familiar unicorn.

For Applejack, asphyxiating that particular unicorn couldn’t happen fast enough. “You!” she cried, pointing an accusing hoof.

“Hiya, Glimmy!” Pinkie Pie screamed happily as she enthusiastically glomped Starlight.

“PINKIE, AIR!” Starlight squeaked, then she coughed and sucked in a heaving breath as Pinkie released her.

“Oops! Sorry! Sorry, everypony, I just get so carried away,” Pinkie said. “Ooooooh! Is that for me?”

“Yes,” the unicorn coughed out, and hoofed over the banjo she’d been holding. “Take this—you’re going to need it.”

Then Starlight turned to see the confused (or in Applejack’s case, hostile) faces of the Apple family, and made an Important Announcement.

“I am here to chew bubblegum and solve a friendship problem. And I’m all out of bubblegum.” She casually swatted away Pinkie Pie’s instant offering of bubblegum and whipped out an old, well-used tome that unfortunately smelled exactly like a used cat-box.

“I have literally risked death by leopard and an avalanche of garbage and cat dander to get this out of your cousin Goldie Delicious’s mad cat-house emporium. So I saved all of you from that and a host of future problems that you would have inflicted on yourselves, like—”

“—criminal child endangerment,” she said, glaring at each of the adults in turn.

“—catastrophic failure of the family wagon because somepony overloaded it,” she added, looking right at Big Mac.

“—throwing the map to Goldie’s cabin into the river.” Apple Bloom stared back in surprise.

“—steering the family through the Scariest Cave in Equestria, where eldritch abominations tried to sell you their religion.” Starlight stared at Granny Smith.

Finally her gaze turned to Applejack.

“—and last but not least, taking the entire family over a waterfall! Sheesh! You’d think all of you were Cutie Mark Crusaders.” Starlight winked at Apple Bloom. “No offense, kid.”

“Seems fair to me!” Apple Bloom said cheerfully.

The Apple adults all knew they’d never done any of these things, but they looked off in embarrassment because it all sounded exactly like something they would do.

“But I’m here to save you from all of that. You all really love Pinkie Pie and want so much for her to be a part of your family. And best of all, Pinkie Pie probably is related to the Apples.”

She tossed the tome down in front of everypony and flipped it open to the critical-but-smudged entry. Then she cast Red Ink’s Plot Complication Clarifier on the book, revealing clear proof that Pinkie Pie was almost certainly kinda-maybe related to the Apple family by a dubious connection of three different species and at least four generations of kissing cousins—because really, who wasn’t related to the Apples in that case?

Everypony gasped as they realized that Pinkie Pie was truly One of Us.

“So, there you go!” Starlight said, looking at her watch. “You’re probably all a match made in Tartarus—” Applejack looked up from the genealogy tome and growled at Starlight. “—but clearly the family that doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. Y’all discuss. Bye now!”

Applejack stomped her hoof and shouted as the unicorn departed with a flash.

“Y’all don’t come back, now! Ya hear?”

A moment later, Pinkie Pie looked up and smiled just as Starlight re-appeared right in front of a startled Applejack—wearing Pinkie Pie’s Groucho mask and holding a horn with a rubber squeeze ball. Before Applejack could react, Starlight booped her on the nose and honked the horn, and flashed away again for the last time.

Pinkie Pie screamed again and fell over. It was a few seconds before everypony realized that she was probably dying of laughter, and Applejack stared in awe as Pinkie started turning blue.

“Um, Big Mac—I think that unicorn may have just tried to murder our new cousin,” she finally said. She tried to hide her smile beneath a frown at Starlight, but didn’t quite manage it.

“Eeyup,” her big brother replied, watching as Pinkie Pie struggled to stop laughing and get her breath back. He raised a big bucket of water that hadn’t been there a moment ago. “Fair’s fair, I guess.”

It took every ounce of Starlight Glimmer's willpower not to give into her cravings as she hid inside Applejack's fully stocked pie cart. But, as usual, she was on a mission, and she had to stay focused.

"Sorry, Big Mac," Starlight heard Applejack say as the latter pulled the cart, "I was just fretting a bit about Apple Bloom. You think she's gonna be okay on her own?"

"Eeeeyup," Big Mac said.

"I just keep thinking of things I forgot to put on her list. Like, I didn't write down that if she wants to get a spoon out of the drawer, she needs to open the drawer first." Applejack sighed. "I know I'm probably just bein' silly."

Big Mac's second "eeeeyup" was timed perfectly with Starlight's facehoof. It was worse than even the Journal had told her. Heck, if anything, the Journal had sugar-coated Applejack's doting tendencies towards her sister. It hadn't been the first time she'd run into this, in the past or the present. There had to be a better way.

"But I know I'd feel a heap better if I could check on Apple Bloom one last time."

And there it was. An idea flashed in Starlight's mind.

"Boy, are you in luck!" Starlight said, popping out of the cart and rolling in front of Applejack. Applejack and Big Mac stopped short, startled.

"S-Starlight Glimmer?" Applejack sputtered. "Wh-... what in blue blazes are you doing here?"

"Stopping problems before they start, as usual," Starlight said with a cocksure grin. "You're thinking of doubling back, aren't you? What about this delivery of scrumptious pies you're supposed to be delivering?"

"I know these pies are important, but family's more—" Applejack peered closer at Starlight's muzzle. "Hold on. You been takin' samples?"

Starlight blinked, wiped the edge of her muzzle, looked at it, saw the small piece of the one pie she'd succumbed to eating, and licked it. She savored the taste of sugar, fruit and soft, flaky crust, and sighed, floating in bliss for several moments.

"No," she said, with a straight face. "Anyway, the point is, I saw what you're going to do, and I raise you a better solution." Starlight willed a hoof-held mirror into existence. "All you have to do is grab on to this magic mirror, and it'll show you what's going on at home. You can check in on Apple Bloom any time you want, without having to go back."

"Well... magic makes me uneasy, but it sure does beat makin' multiple trips." Applejack took the mirror from Starlight, and looked into it. For the first few seconds, she saw only her reflection.

Then the mirror swirled to life, showing the Sweet Apple Acres household.

"Boy howdy! I sure do love followin' the rules of my house like my big sister Applejack—who I love and treasure—taught me!" Apple Bloom said, as she washed the walls with a sponge. "This place'll be spic and span by the time she gets back, and I'll have been so well behaved the entire time!"

"Don't forget, you'll be tooooooootally safe, too!" Scootaloo said, tidying various knick-knacks around the living room. "Because that's just the kind of fillies we are!"

"I'm lining the chairs and stairs with pillows so we don't hurt ourselves!" Sweetie Belle said, doing just that.

"That's the spirit! Thanks, girls!" Apple Bloom said. "I don't know what I'd do without fun, safe friends like you!"

Applejack blinked several times. "It's... its perfect! It's..." She relaxed. "This is seriously everything I was hopin' for."

"You gotta be kidding m—" Starlight did a double-take. "I-I mean, of course! What did you expect?"

"To be honest? I expected... well, I expected a total mess! I always get worried about my lil' sis, Starlight. You have no idea. After our parents... you know, I... I only barely remember what they were like, and what I do know comes mainly from Granny Smith." Applejack brought her hat down to her heart. "It's all I can do to follow their example."

"Y-yeah," Starlight said, her heart suddenly twisting in knots. "I... I guess I can see that."

Applejack looked back in the mirror. "But yeah, if this is what it's like, I guess it's okay. Can I... can I keep this?"

"Of course!" Starlight said, waving as Applejack and Big Mac started hauling their carts again. "Get on outta here, you crazy kids!"

Once they were out of sight, Starlight teleported back to Sweet Apple Acres.

Apple Bloom ran up to her expectantly, with her other two friends beside her. Didja do it? Didja? Huh?" they all asked.

Starlight beamed. "Sure did! You're in the clear to have all the fun you want, all by yourselves!"

Five minutes later, after the CMCs were done whooping and cheering, Apple Bloom asked, "How'd you do it? How'd you convince her to keep trusting me?"

"Oh, just one of my side spell projects," Starlight said with a humble chuckle. "The Desire Mirror shows whoever looks into it exactly what they want to see. Involves some mild mind manipulation, light hypnosis—"

Apple Bloom's eyebrows shot up. "You messed with my sister's mind?"

"Look, do you want to stay home alone or not? Because she's not going to stop with this until she gets it out of her system. Just look at this as a form of... therapy. Yeah, that's it. Totally harmless, I promise. Plus, in Applejack's case..." Starlight thought back to Applejack's speech, and sobered. "...probably more of a mercy than anything."

Apple Bloom stared at Starlight, quietly, for a long time, before finally saying, "I'm gonna go play with my friends now. Before I find out somethin' I don't wanna."

"That's a perfect plan! You do that. Oh, and, uh, here's a stepstool for the fridge," she said, materializing one into existence.

Apple Bloom stared at it blankly. "What for the what now?"

"Just trust me on this one," Starlight said, before vanshing without a trace.

Here's a different version of this episode. Pick whichever you think is best.

S03E05 (Episode 57) MAGIC DUEL

The Great and Powerful Trixie leaned back in her golden chariot and listened to Snips and Snails struggle to pull it. Life was good. Finally she was getting the respect and the luxury she deserved.

So engrossed in her victory was Trixie that she didn’t even notice the burst of air, lightning, and magic that signaled the arrival of a teleporting unicorn.

“Trixie! It’s so good to see you!”

“Twilight, how did you get back—“ Trixie cut herself off as she looked twice. “You’re not Twilight. Who are you? You greeted Trixie awfully familiarly. Does Trixie know you?”

“Not yet, but you will. That’s time travel, which is a spell you can’t do even wearing your amulet, so I win our magic duel.”

“Trixie never agreed to a magic duel with you!”

“Not yet, but you will,” Starlight repeated. “Then you’ll admit defeat, I’ll turn the town back over to the residents, and then I’ll buy you some of those roasted nuts that you like. How does that sound?”

Leaping off the chariot, Trixie drew power from the Alicorn Amulet and prepared to blast the interloper with some devastating spell. “Don’t speak to Trixie that way, Not-Twilight!”

“Call me Starlight Glimmer. Oh, and by the way, you’ve done a terrible job with the place.”

“What?!” She let fly with a red beam, summoning ancient power from beyond the plane of existence to sever this Starlight limb from limb.

Starlight popped a paper bag into existence, caught the beam with it, crumpled it up, tossed it over her shoulder, and yawned. “I mean, a glass dome? What’s going to happen on a sunny day when the grass catches fire? Not to mention running out of air.”

“ARRRRGH!” Trixie continued to blast Starlight with spells, only to watch them deflect, pass through, or curve right around her.

“But I don’t blame you. It’s the first village you’ve taken over, right? Stick with me, Trixie. By the sixth or seventh one, you’ll have everything down pat. Remind me to show you one I ruled. I had all the houses in a row.”

“You can’t defeat Trixie, Starlight! I will draw magic from the amulet until it overpowers you!”

“Ha, you said ‘I,’ I’m getting to you. Anyway, nah, just power down, take the amulet off, and we’ll go have fun.”

Several Hours Later

“Welcome back, Twilight!” Starlight said. “How was your little sabbatical with Zecora?”

“It was…restful, I suppose. And I’m glad to be back. Spike told me about the Alicorn Amulet and what Trixie did while I was gone. But how did you ever defeat her?”

“I asked her nicely to take the Amulet off.”

“Starlight!”

Starlight flashed a toothy grin. “Oh, all right. I simply pointed out to her that while the magical lock prevented me from removing the amulet from around her neck…”

“Yes?”

“It didn’t prevent me from removing her neck from within the Amulet.”

Sweetie Belle seethed with anger. "Oh yeah?! Well we don't need to go anywhere to hang out with famous ponies all the time!"

Just as she was about to continue, a whistling sound was suddenly interrupted by two thuds as Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon collapsed on the floor, twitching for a few seconds before falling unconscious.

"Oh no…" Apple Bloom said, eyes wide. "This can only mean—"

"Hi girls!" Starlight Glimmer said, emerging from the bushes and surreptitiously hiding something behind her back. "Funny to see you here!"

"Starlight," Scootaloo started to say, only for the mare to raise her hoof.

"Nonono, I'm just here to say that telling those two about your private, tutoring time with Princess Twilight might not be the best idea. Why, they might follow you around, create a big, big mob just to hang on to you and benefit from your contacts and let's be honest, no one likes social climbers."

She smiled.

"So… you're saying we should keep quiet and enjoy the advantages we have without shoving them in other pony's faces for recognition?" Sweetie asked, hesitantly glancing at the unconscious fillies.

"Well done, Sweetie! I have to say, you're a lot less dense than Rarity says you are."

"Hey!"

"Make sure to write to the Princess about your lesson!" Starlight said as way of goodbye before dematerializing in a magical whirlwind.

The three fillies glanced at each other.

"Huh." Apple Bloom said.

"Huh." Scootaloo agreed.

They started walking away.

After a second, Sweetie joined them. "I'm not really dense, am I?"

Starlight Fixes Filli Vanilli

I really loved this episode, and I wanted to spice things up in an ambiguous way. I didn't have much of any time to do this this week, but I made the time. Hope it's not too spicy! I think this part I've written shows that you should play Battleship with your friends once and a while.

Starlight Fixes Filli Vanilli

A flash of blue light and none other than Starlight Glimmer appears at Sweet Apple Acres without a moment to spare! It’s the day before the Ponytones’ big performance and it is this evening that she must spring into action! In the distance, she spots Applejack, Big Mac, and Applebloom setting up the annual turkey-calling contest. Knowing that Big Mac will lose, Starlight had picked the perfect time to fix this issue before it even starts!

With another cast of her magic, she teleports into the Sweet Apple Acres main barn, and not a second too soon! Big Mac enters, searching for the remaining tables and such that’re needed for the event. Adorning her best entrancing look possible in her current state, she appears from behind a stack of hay bales.

“Well, hello there, Big Mac, is it?” Starlight’s voice doesn’t quite hit exactly the kind of allure she was aiming for, but it seemed to surprise Big Mac.

“Uh, who’re you and why’re you in my barn?” Big Mac is obviously confused as to why there’s a trespasser on the property. The sound of this unicorn’s voice made him a bit nervous, though. The same kind of nervousness that he got around Cheerilee that one time on Hearts and Hooves day.

“Oh, don’t you worry about that. All you need to know is that I know what kind of big, strong, stallion you are, and that you don’t need to worry yourself with some silly contest.” Starlight steps closer every few words, and is now inches away from Big Macintosh’s neck. She gives a few swishes of her tail to accentuate the tone she wishes to convey.

“What you should be worried about is conquest.” She steps around Big Mac, swishing her tail under his muzzle. “The same kind you entertained that School Teacher with, if I’m not mistaken.”

This made Big Mac gulp and begin to sweat profusely. It must’ve been that midday air getting warmer as the sun went down. “Y-yup…” He let out, exhaling a heavy breath before following Starlight to the back of the barn.

With that, Big Mac would never lose his voice for the performance the next day, and Fluttershy doesn’t have to have another failed attempt at overcoming her inability to perform to a crowd. Starlight got some rest and relaxation along with completing her task.

Again, a little late. I really need to start doing these earlier in the week.

Episode episode 84. For Whom the Sweetie Belle Toils

Starlight let out a sigh as the swirling lights of the space time continuum continued to circle her. “Now, which lesson is next?” The light purple mare, hoofed through the large journal at a rapid rate, her eyes scanning the pages that could put Twilight to shame. “Aha! There you are! Right… Blah blah, Sweetie Belle being an ungrateful little… Alright. No matter, this won’t take long.” With a trademarked grin, the unicorn mare sailed into an open hole and back to another time.

And tumbled right out of Rarity’s closet. Groaning in pain as a large black object bounced off her head, and into the room. The older unicorn sitting in the lone chair, promptly let out a squeal of surprise. Before passing out dramatically, onto a couch she just so happened to pull out before she even closed her eyes. Why did I pick this place? Whatever. Shaking her head clear, the slightly woozy pony got to her hooves. After a quick dust off, she noticed the filly poking the object that had fallen onto her head.

“What is this?”

Eyes wide and her muzzle scrunched, Starlight picked it up and quickly threw it out the nearest window. “Nothing! Don’t worry about it. Shut up. Anyways, I’ve come for you Sweetie Belle.” With a grand sweep of her hoof into the air, and no fanfare to follow, Starlight cleared her throat. “Tough crowd, right, anyways. You need to leave your sister alone. She’s busy, very busy and you should have told her weeks ago.” Taking the three “dresses” off the rack where they hung, Starlight struggled to keep her lunch down as her eyes took in the optical abomination that were these….. Things.

“Don’t quit your day job.” A quick fire spell, and the rags burned to ash before Sweetie Belle’s eyes. The little filly let out a loud gasp before screeching loud enough to shatter Rarity’s mirror. Covering her ears in vain to protect them from the girls scream, Starlight shoved her hoof into the white pony’s mouth. “Would you just listen for a second?! Sweet Celestia kid…”

Sweetie Belle spat out the foul tasting hoof that tasted like dirt. “You just ruined my costumes! How could you?!” Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes.

The older mare frowns. “Trust me, I’m doing you a favour. Now, go get your friends, get more fabric, and try again. This time, under the careful guidance of your sister.” Her magic gathered a few rolls of fabric, some thread and a measuring tape and thrusting it into the forearms of the filly.

“B-but...”

“No buts! Or so help me Faust, you’ll end up like Scootaloo.” Starlight pointed from her eyes, to the fillies before a bright flash of light filled the room and she was gone.

Episode 70: Flight to the Finish

"We've got hearts hmm hm hmm hm hmmm," Starlight half sang, half hummed as she watched Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon circle the Cutie Mark Crusaders like sharks. "Glad I got here early enough to catch the song."

As soon as the two bullies left, Starlight burst through the bushes. "Heya, Crusaders. How goes it?"

"EEP!" squeaked Sweetie Belle.

"Ugh, not you again," groaned Scootaloo. "Stop trying to fix all our problems."

"Yeah," added Apple Bloom, "It's really creepy."

Starlight smiled. "Well, girls, today I'm not going to do anything but give you some advice. Is that fair?"

Scootaloo groaned again. "Whatever. Make it quick. We have a routine to practice."

"Don't worry, I'll be done in ten seconds flat. My advice is this: Ignore Diamond Tiara and her lackey Silver Spoon. They're assholes. Ignore them and a bunch of your problems will go away. Ignore me--that is, listen to them--and you'll be riding the drama llama in no time. Got it?"

"Uh, I guess?" said Sweetie Belle. "Is that all?"

"Yep. That's all! Now you three be good fillies and do Ponyville proud! Ta-ta!"

And with a poof, she was gone.

The three looked at each other. "This is weird, right?" asked Apple Bloom.

"Yeah, it's weird," Scootaloo agreed.

89. The Equestria Games

“Mister the Dragon! Would you light the torch already?”

Starlight galloped full-speed towards the, well, harsh pony’s voice, saddlebags clanking and bouncing against her barrel as the unicorn ran.

“I don’t what it is, but, I—I just don’t have the stuff today!”

Oh, Spike. The baby dragon’s panicked words, though faint from this far down the corridor, were like a cattleprod to Starlight’s horn. Damn it all to Tartarus! In a flash of turquoise magic, she teleported the last hundred or so paces, reappearing a split-second later in a bubble of magic at the base of the Equestria Games torch.

“Good heavens—!” The harsh-voiced tan pony (Harshwhinny was it?) spooked and fell over backwards at the sudden appearance of a frantic unicorn. Starlight tossed her purple mane, snorting once to get her heaving breaths under control.

“Oh, thank Celestia!” Spike cried from above. Starlight frowned, peering up at the dragon as he grabbed the ladder rungs and slid quickly to the bottom. The contents of her saddlebags, already hovering midair in a turquoise telekinetic halo, paused as the unicorn stared Spike down, utterly confused.

“That is… not the usual reaction,” she admitted.

Spike just shook his head, staring up at Starlight with plaintive green eyes. “Don’t care. Hit me with it.”

Starlight squinted down at her friend. “Are you… relieved? Because you sure do sound relieved.”

Harshwhinny regained her hooves quickly, but in vain. She barely managed to scowl and open her mouth to unleash what would no doubt be a burning diatribe when a streak of magic shot out and hit her smack in the forehead. The pony keeled over again, snoring this time, though Starlight didn’t even bother to spare her a glance away from Spike and oh my god were those puppy dog eyes?!

“Well, I mean. You kinda, y’know, show up? When there’s a problem.” The dragon raised one clawed hand and waved it to encapsulate the pony-filled stadium. “And I am having a problem, so whatever your magical solution is, I’ll take it.”

Several moments of perturbed blinking later, the beeper on one of Starlight’s watches reminded her that, out of the norm or not, she didn’t have any time to care. The flurry of magical activity resumed as the unicorn tilted a generous pour of Emberglow’s FIrewhiskey into a shaker; a more delicate tendril of magic unscrewed a small glass jar and dropped a single Dragon Sneeze Tree bloom into the mix.

“Alright, Spikey, I’d like to introduce you to the time-honored, long-held, and prestigious tradition that performing ponies the world ‘round swear by,” Starlight informed him solemnly. The metal drink shaker shook vigorously in her magic for a moment longer, before pouring it into a small glass tumbler. After half a moment, she added two small red rubies and held it out to spike.

“What… what’s the tradition?” Spike took the glass despite the waver in his voice.

Starlight grinned. “Taking a shot.”

Spike gulped. “And this’ll solve my problem?”

The unicorn nodded. “Oh yes. Though, er, it may be a little… stronger than I originally intended. Not supposed to teleport with dragon sneeze tree blooms, apparently. Delicate magical ingredient and all that.” She waved a pale purple hoof. “Eh, it’ll probably be fine. Drink up! We’re on a schedule.” Starlight tapped her watch.

Spike stared down the drink in his claw like it was a grenade, but ultimately, he shrugged and downed the shot, belching a small green cloud after. Starlight was quick to teleport him back to the top of the ladder.

“Remember, at the torch and don’t drink and fly!”

“But I don’t have wings!” Before spike could give another complaint, he turned back to the torch , cheeks puffed up and ready to burst. “Holy—fwaugh!” The torch lit as spike let loose a humongous green fireball that engulfed the torch entirely. A collective gasp took the crowd, but quickly morphed into raucous cheering and applause. Spike stared around the stadium in awe, waving and only wobbling slightly at the top of the ladder. The entire stadium cheered louder, under the green light of the torch.

Annnd check. Somehow the crackling pop of displaced air as Starlight Glimmer’s time spell took hold somehow managed to sound more smug than usual as it swept her away.

Cheese Sandwich was finally satisfied with is work in Appleloosa, creating a party that brought the natives and the settlers together in harmony. However, he felt a new call, a doozy of one, for Ponyville. Just then, however, another sense came over him. “I just had the strangest sensation, Boneless,” he said to his inanimate friend, in a deep and serious tone, “one I’m not too familiar with. If I had to guess, I’d bet that somepony just teleported nearby and they want to…” In uncertainty, he was forced to drop his gruff facade. “...sell me something? Maybe an encyclopedia? You know I used to edit encyclopedias-”

“Hi there!” A voice came suddenly. Indeed, it had been a unicorn, a pink one. Though not pink like the Pink he remembered. Not pink like- “Are you thinking about Pinkie Pie? Maybe going to Ponyville for a visit?”

“How’d you know?” Cheese asked. Realizing he let his guard down, he returned to his gruff monotone to ask, “I mean… I’ve met others before with unusual senses, my little pony, even those who use the force they say, but never a mind reader. What do you know about Pinkie Pie?”

“I know that she’d really like to know what an inspiration she’s been to you. You should just tell her. You’ll have a much easier time collaborating if you’re up front about your feelings.”

“How do you-” he broke his monotone, “wait, collaborate? With her? On a party? She wants to, with me, you think?”

“Oh yeah, totally. Just try not to show off.”

That was the least of his doubts. “Okay, but, really how do you know all of this?”

“That’s not important,” Glimmer evaded the question. “Anyways, I gotta be going.”

“Oh, okay, see you later.” She left in a flash of light, leaving Cheese alone with only Boneless again. “Well, Boneless, I wished we wouldn’t have to break out this stuff again, but you just can’t be safe without it.” Before moving on, Cheese lined his cowboy hat with aluminum foil.

“Granny Smith handed me the reins of their reunion and I’m going to make the most of it. Apple Bloom, I’ve got so many things planned you won’t even have a minute of -”

Before Applejack could finish that sentence, a bright flash enveloped the room and a loud bang accompanied it as Starlight appeared in the middle of the room. Almost immediately, Apple Bloom sat up, looking quite alarmed after having only fell asleep for less than a minute. “Wha, what?!”

“Sorry!” Starlight chimed in, looking over at the dazed filly who was now blinking blearily at her. “Didn’t think you’d be sleeping when I teleported in. And I probably would have made less of a show of things if I’d known...” She waved a hoof in Apple Bloom’s direction vaguely. “Oh well! Now what you were saying?”

“That I… have a lot of things planned out?” Applejack said, just staring tiredly at Starlight. At this point, she just wasn’t even surprised by Starlight’s appearance - though she couldn’t help but wonder what could be next.

“And what came after that?” Starlight said, her smile widening as of she was talking to a foal, and gesturing for Applejack to continue on.

“That Apple Bloom won’t get even a moment of rest?”

“Bingo!” And with that, a sharp blast came from Starlight’s horn, and hitting the stand where all of Applejack’s plans had been, igniting the small wooden frame and paper on fire.

Having jumped back to avoid such a blast initially, now Applejack stood, horrified as the fire quickly destroyed the paper on it - though she was trying to save the board also, hastily trying to beat down the flames.

“What the hay was that for?!” Apple Bloom said, having stood up on the bed, and looking quite alarmed by the whole display.

“I’m saving your whole family from a lot of trouble, I can assure you now!” Starlight said, looking proud of her work.

“But… But I’ve been working on these plans for weeks!” Applejack weakly protested. Well, her drawn up plans were gone, but she did still have-

Nope. Another blast was shot from Starlight’s horn, hitting the stack of notes she had. A second later, only cinders and ash remained atop the table, making Applejack only stare horrified. All of her hard work gone down the drain…

“You should have just let Granny Smith take care of things as normal,” Starlight said smoothly, now staring at Applejack’s dejected face. “Or do you remember the last… couple of times this happened to you? Including the jam incident?”

Applejack blinked at the last sentence, her face finally breaking from the dejectedness to surprise. “How do you know abo-”

“Not important! Plus, that’s a story for another time,” Starlight reassured Applejack - though it clearly did nothing to calm the mare’s nerves. “Now, you can do this thing! Just keep it simple, sweet, and make sure you avoid the fruit bats. Bye!” With one more hoof wave, Starlight disappeared with another flash and a bang.

“... Applejack, are things going to be okay?” A worried look was given to the older mare from Apple Bloom.

“I… guess I’m staying up the rest of the night to rework things," Applejack said before sighing afterwards. Great.

55. Too Many Pinkie Pies

"...and solemnly sweared not to be scared at the prospect of being-"

Pinkie cut off at the last second, staring around the cavern in horror.
"Pinkie Sense! Pinkie Sense!"
Starlight shook off the time-warp tummy-troubles, standing before the Pinkies. She shook her head and pinched the bridge of her muzzle with a hoof.

"I think this is the dumbest lesson I've come to fix." She straightened and stared at the original Pinkie for a moment. "Okay look so it's like this."

Some time later

The trio sat amidst the cool grotto of the Mirror Pool, chewing on pizza Starlight had helpfully supplied, since breaking through to Pinkie's actual mind took far longer than her alottef thirty seconds.

"So, Starbright-"
"Starlight."
"That's what I said. So if me and Pinkie actually go through with copying ourselves it'll end badly?"

The mare nodded. "Yeah. You're the first copy, so you have a shot at being a real person. The rest would just be copies of copies, and end up being Pinkie's absolute worse personality traits spun into methamphetamine cotton candy."

She shuffled for a moment, and passed off a train ticket.
"Manehattan, tomorrow. Look after Midnight, please." She smiled, and vanished.

With a noise rather like a cake-timer pinging, Pinkie Pie suddenly stiffened.

"Having lots of friends means that you sometimes have to make choices as to who you'll spend your time with."

Starlight winked, and vanished, leaving the clone to slip a foreleg over the withers of the original. Maybe some personal alone time would do her some good. And she had a responsibility to teach her new 'daughter' everything she'd need to know!

[Redacted]

6558974
I think your version picked up some formatting quirks in copypasta; here's a grab of the original, with a doc link (EDIT: 3rd link attempt is the charm)

6558647
Starlight fixes “Spike At Your Service”
by CoffeeMinion

A gentle breeze from an open window carried the faint scent of cooking pizza all throughout Golden Oaks library, and for a moment displaced even its usual all-pervasive smells of pine sap and aging paper.

Nopony was there to enjoy it, though. A solitary lavender unicorn was technically present, but she’d already spent long hours with her muzzle pressed close to one particularly bewitching tome out of the dozen she’d set out to read, and her senses were engrossed. Her lips occasionally quirked upward as she absorbed line after line of effervescent prose. And the only scent that reached her was the weathered old tome’s earthy musk.

The pony—Twilight Sparkle—lit her horn and carefully turned a page with her magic.

Suddenly there was a huge *BANG!* from behind her. Twilight leapt up off her rump, shouting involuntarily and jerking her head about to see—

—she made a slight choking sound as she realized she’d kept her magical grip on the page she’d been turning, and had ripped it from the book in the process. “No,” Twilight croaked through a dry throat. “No, nononono, what have I done?!”

“You haven’t done anything yet!” said another purplish unicorn who was suddenly standing before her amid a scorched circle on the floor. Twilight recoiled with shock at the unexpected arrival, much less the evidence that they’d arrived via some kind of high-level spell. “Don’t start,” the pony said, raising a foreleg and then cursing at her watch. “Okay, twenty-five seconds left. Twilight—”

“I recognize you,” Twilight said, furrowing her brow. “You’re that… mare… who fixes things?”

“I said there’s no time!” The pony set her jaw and blew a strand of mane out of her eyes. “Twilight, what does Spike mean to you?”

“Spike…”

“Ugh!” The mare pressed a hoof to her eyes. “Come on, are we talking… brother? Son? Indentured servant?”

“Indentured…!” Twilight shook her head. “N…no, Spike is my friend, first and foremost!”

The mare nodded once. “Friend. Perfect. Okay, so what’s the best way to respond to a friend who comes to you in confidence about something big that they’re trying to work through?”

Twilight lowered the paper. “What do you mean?”

“Twilight…” The pony checked her watch again, and bit her lip. “You listen, Twilight. You give him your undivided attention for at least the minute or two it takes to figure out what kind of conversation you’re dealing with.”

“Well of course I would.” Twilight frowned deeply. “I know that’s how friends treat each other.”

“You say that, but I’m pretty sure—” The mare’s watch started ringing, and she gritted her teeth. “Just remember! Oh, and if he starts going on about some kind of ‘dragon code,’ ask him if he’s read the newer commentaries by Ember the Younger about—”

She vanished in a burst of white light and a sound like clocks exploding. In her place were fresh scorch-marks on the wood floor.

A solitary pizza box lay in their center.

As Twilight worked her jaw in a halting effort to think of what to say, she heard a soft rap at the library’s door. A moment later, its knob turned, and Spike poked his head in.

“Hey, Twilight. Got a minute to talk?”

Twilight glanced back at the book, then down at the page she’d inadvertently ripped out of it, before greeting her friend with a smile.

“Of course, Spike; I’ve always got time for my number one assistant… and my oldest friend. Want some pizza?”

(EDIT: Adding GDocs link)
Starlight fixes “Rarity Takes Manehattan” (Episode #73)
By CoffeeMinion

Suri Polomare giggled wickedly under her breath as she snuck away from Rarity through the dim backroom.  Even in the low light, she couldn’t take her eyes off the mesmerizing swatch of fabric that Rarity had so foalishly given her.  Its purple sheen rippled over the fabric’s surface, almost as if it were a living, beating heart. And Suri could feel the inspiration flowing through her, pumping with the same beat.

“Oh, it is a pleasure to be competing against you again, Rarity,” she said under her breath.  “But there’s really not going to be much competition, now is there? You might’ve had a leg-up on me, but now I’ve got the element of sur—”

*WHACK!*

Suri dropped as her world exploded in pain.  The swatch fell before her…

…followed by what looked like a long length of pipe.  A low, echoing, vague and dim ringing sound seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere as the pipe bounced and clattered to a halt.  Suri watched it come to rest, as if in a dream. She also noticed a curious warmth filling her mouth, but given how muddled her perceptions had become, she couldn’t quite pinpoint its source.

Slowly, dimly, Suri noticed pinkish-purplish face bending down to look closely at hers.  It was equine… probably a mare… definitely had a horn. And it was frowning. Glowering.

“Bad pony,” it said, with an echoing voice that sounded as if it was coming from the other end of a very long tunnel.  “You think about what you’ve done. Or were going to do. Good ponies don’t steal each other’s fashion lines!”

Suri was tempted to protest that good ponies didn’t jump each other with lengths of pipe either, but before she could speak, there was a sudden BANG! and a flash of light.  She blinked several times, trying to clear her vision.

Eventually, she noticed that the pony was gone. A pizza box seemed to have taken its place.

“Coco?” Suri called.  “Coco… little help here?”

68. Castle Mane-ia

Newly instated Princess Sparkle had already let the power and stress of her title get the better of her, based on the manhandling of the book that she tossed in frustration across the room, nearly taking out her faithful servant Spike.

“What's wrong, Twilight?”

“Ugh, I've gone through every book in Ponyville, Spike,” she informed him, “and there isn't a single mention of the mysterious chest that came from the Tree of Harmony, nor anything about keys to unlock it! But something tells me that opening it is pretty important. I hope Princess Celestia has some ideas. If the library in Canterlot doesn't have anything, I-I don't know where else to look!” She paused thoughtfully and then loudly added, very deliberately, “unless there’s a certain mare waiting to give me the book and solve me having to look!” She waited. And frowned.

“No? Okay, guess I’ll just-” At that moment, Spike threw up a scroll sent from Celestia’s own penmanship. Twilight grinned eagerly, clopping her hooves together.

“Brilliant, it’s probably Celestia telling us, ‘Twilight Sparkle, a mare calling herself your ‘old student from the future found your book for you and I’m sending it over,’ but let’s read it anyway.” She rose the parchment and scanned her eyes across it.  

“My dearest Twilight,” the eldest Princess wrote, “while it would be perfectly lovely to have you in Canterlot once more, I have another option in mind much closer to Ponyville…” Twilight humfed, “Yadda yadda yadda, ancient castle… yadda yadda yadda ...mostly in ruins, deep in the Everfree Forest. But if this time pony you keep blaming for solving my lessons for you in seconds turns up, then visit the ruins anyway. For me, your ancient and proud teacher? Please, Twilight?”

Twilight Sparkle rubbed her chin contemplatively and flicked an itch from her ear, spending a whole minute considering it.

“...Oh, okay.”

“... Congratulations! You're tied!” Pinkie, the presiding judge over Rainbow and Applejack’s competition proclaimed with applause.

“Tied?” gasped Applejack.

“You can't be tied for the Most Daring Pony!” squalled Rainbow.

“I dunno! Numbers don't lie!” Pinkie slapped her book shut and winked, “I'd love to stay and keep keeping score, but I promised to help test the new school bell. I get to ring it all week, nonstop! And I don't even have to take turns, because no one else volunteered! NOT EVEN A TIME PONY!” She shrugged to the pair of them, then skipped away down the lane to her task for the day.

“Okay, no problem. We just have to come up with another daring dare… unless Starlight Glimmer is going to come along and proclaim me the winner…”

“You?” scoffed AJ, “you know as well as I she sees me as the daringest darn darer there ever was!” The pair froze, and waited for a reply to come. None came.

“She… she isn’t coming?” Asked RD in disappointment.

“Maybe,” Applejack hummed, “Maybe she just needs a little encouragement…” she looked around and spied the path into the Everfree Forest, “Right. I think I might have an idea of what we can do…”

“Um, Rarity?” Fluttershy stayed low as the huge, grizzly forest terrified her, her lapine friend Angel keeping her partially comfortable, “don't you think it's a little late in the day to be walking through the forest? It is... star-spider season, after all. Though, I'm sure you have a very good reason.”

Rarity offered her a dazzling smile and nodded encouragingly, “I've heard rumors that the Castle of the Two Sisters is filled with the most gorgeous of ancient tapestries in all of pony history! It pains me to think of those magnificent creations rotting away in those old ruins, totally unappreciated.” She stopped and turned with a hopeful expression to Fluttershy, “I require your help in borrowing one or two to bring back to the boutique where I can restore them. Maybe I'll even use the patterns as the inspiration for a new line!”

“That does sound... very important,” Fluttershy pondered, “but haven’t you, you know, waited? Checked that, um, maybe they turn up for you?”

“If you are suggesting that our ‘mutual friend’ may have a hoof in providing them for us, well, it just doesn’t seem that way. I’ve been waiting and asking an empty room for two weeks! So we shall just have to search the castle ourselves.” Fluttershy looked up to the ruins of the castle as Angel and Rarity went first, and then swore, very gently, under her breath.

That night, there were screams from the most daring ponies.

There were sobs from the fashionista and rabbit-seeking partner.

Twilight discovered Celestia and Luna’s journal about the fun and frolics they’d had in the old castle, and Pinkie discovered she could play the organ.

“I've just thought of a great idea!” Chirped Twilight to her friends once they’d all calmed down, “why don't we keep a journal, just like the royal pony sisters?”

“Brilliant idea! It will really help me with my task!” The bookshelf creaked outwards and out from behind it slipped Starlight with a backpack fused with a vacuum, clipping the nozzle behind her shoulder.

“What have you been doing this whole time, Starlight? We’ve been running around this castle all night without you!” Demanded the Princess, stomping a hoof.

“Oh, I could have told you; Twilight, you should all write a Friendship Journal, Pinkie is the Most Daring pony, Angel’s alive and Rarity, you can fix the tapestries with, oh, I don’t know, magic?”

“...But you wanted to teach us to do this one on our own, Glimmer?” Smiled Fluttershy.

“Psh! No!” She sniggered, “I had to catch the Pony of Shadows within 30 seconds. Which I did! Also, this place? Total death trap. Absolute health and safety nightmare. For shame, Twilight, for shame…” then, with a twinkle of a spinning portal, she was gone, proton pack and all.

“Most daring of all? Pinkie?” Gawped Rainbow. Pinkie shrugged with a giggle.

“I’m as surprised as the rest of you!”

(EDIT: Gdocs version here)

Most mornings in Ponyville were heralded by roosters crowing at the first hooves of dawn peeking up over Canterlot Mountain. So among the things Twilight wasn’t expecting was to awaken sometime in the early gloom of pre-dawn to the sight, sound, and experience of her bedroom window in Golden Oaks Library exploding. It shattered inward as she screamed in shock, and it showered both herself and the entire room in shards of glass and splinters of wood faster than she could think to put up a force field.

Near her, in his basket on the floor, Spike barked with surprise as well. Twilight turned horror-filled eyes on him as he backpedaled out of the basket, tripping over his own claws, and pawing futilely at the gooey mess where his face should—

“Hold on,” Twilight said, realizing that she was looking at a face that had just been pied.

And that was when her instincts kicked-in, and she lit her horn, projecting out a glowing field mere heartbeats before something creamy went *SPLAT!* upon it.

“We’re made!” shouted a brown stallion Twilight didn’t recognize, who was in the middle of tucking-and-rolling across her bedroom floor toward Spike’s basket. “Do it now!”

A high-pitched whine sounded from just outside Twilight’s window. She turned her eyes again, and had just enough time to spot a somewhat familiar pale yellow mare with a two-toned pink-and-blue mane raise some kind of complicated-looking device in her hoof—

The whine suddenly jumped beyond Twilight’s ability to hear it, but just as suddenly, she found she could feel it… in her horn… which felt like it’d been struck by lightning!

Twilight tumbled out of bed, hitting the floor, clutching her horn feebly with both forehooves. Despite the pain, she forced her eyes open, and watched as the yellow mare dropped down into the room. The mare and stallion then both turned their attention on Spike’s basket.

No… on his comic book, laying next to the basket.

“Are we sure about this?” asked the stallion.

“We’ll check it for sure back at HQ,” said the mare. “Can’t be too careful where he’s involved. Go on… bag it.” Then after a moment, she added: “Board it, too. I mean it’s still a comic.”

But the two of them weren’t paying much attention to Spike, who was still stumbling about with a faceful of pie… and who, at that moment, plowed bodily into the mare’s side. She staggered, dropping the device.

It hit the floor.

It cracked.

The pain fell away in an instant, and Twilight had her horn lit before the invaders could react, clamping heavy magical bands around both of them.

“Who…” she said, levering herself back up to her hooves. “Excuse my Prench, but who in the actual buck are the two of you?!”

One of the stallion’s forehooves wasn’t quite contained in the bonds, and Twilight watched as he hastily raised something to his muzzle—

“NO!” she shouted, but it was much too late. For as the stallion bit down on the two-chambered capsule, the deadly combination of Pop Rocks and densely-concentrated Pona Cola flooded his mouth with an uncontrollable burst of fizzing and frothing. Twilight turned her head, unable—or unwilling—to watch it take its course.

“You don’t know what you’re dealing with,” said the mare.

Twilight glared at her through nascent tears. “Tell me: was it worth damaging this beautiful old library? Pieing my Number One Assistant? Forcing me to watch a pony fizzy-pop himself?!”

The mare maintained a cool, even look at Twilight, regardless of her bonds. “Yes,” she whispered. “At least, if that comic is what we think it is.”

Struggling to hold back a sob, Twilight turned her gaze downward, and spotted a stray bit of the pie that had fallen off Spike’s face. She raised it in her magic, drawing back tension, aiming it at the interloper. “Start. Talking.”

“All right. You’re a princess. Anypony else… couldn’t know. But you… they might not feed me my own bon-bons when I get back to the Agency, if I tell just you.”

A glob of cream dripped off the pie-piece. Twilight gritted her teeth.

The mare took a long breath. “My name is Special Agent Sweetie Drops. I work for an agency called S.M.I.L.E. We hunt monsters. And you… have you heard about… Humans?”

Twilight furrowed her brow. “You mean… like the mirror portal?”

“No, mirror-humans don’t come through as humans; they end up as indigenous creatures of this realm. I’m talking about real humans. Dimensional displacement. And something calling itself ‘The Merchant,’ which traps them, and sends them here.”

“And you think…” Twilight pointed at the comic. “That’s one of the tools that he uses to trap them?”

The mare nodded. “We got an anonymous tip last night. But it was very detailed, very plausible… and it came with some pretty good pizza. We couldn’t not take it seriously.”

“Pizza?!” Twilight sighed, pressing a hoof to her face. “You know, you could’ve just led with that!”

Sorry about the delay. I was really stuck with that episode to begin with. But I figured it out...

Rainbow Dash looks at Twilight, who is nattering on at the chalk board and the words she’s speaking seem to go in one of the mare’s ears, and right out the other. This isn’t fun, this isn’t flying. This is BORING!!!! She rocks the stool back and forth. That gets a grin, just right. She starts rocking back and forth rhythmically, tapping out the beat in her head. Twilight, as usual, is oblivious to developments around her as she is continuing with her boring lecture. But Rainbow Dash has found something so much better. Apparently other residents of Twilight’s tree find Rainbow’s antics as entertaining as she does. Owloicious comes over and starts a soft hoot in time with the creaks of the stool. And even Spike gets into the groove with a little drum.

Twilight has brought more chalk together, “Headed by General Firefly, an elite team of aerial performers were chosen to help celebrate this auspicious occasion. The first performance was so full of energy, so highly charged, that magical lightning showered down on the crowd. Everypony was so filled with amazement and wonder that General Firefly dubbed them” She whirls around her magic forming the symbol of the iconic flying team as she shouts, "the Wonderbolts!” She finally focuses on the world around her and her jaw drops. A pink mare is standing there, a smirk on her face. Spike and Owloicious beat a hasty retreat as Twilight takes a couple of steps forwards.

“What? Who? Starlight? Why are you here?”

Starlight holds up a hoof then whirls around to face Rainbow Dash, who has finally stopped playing on the stool. Her horn charges and she blasts the rainbow maned pegasus with magic. That task done she turns back to Twilight.

“EUP stands for Earth, Unicorn, and Pegasi” Rainbow mumbles.

Starlight grins, “That little memory retention spell will allow her to pass the test.” She glances back at Rainbow, who is still mumbling Wonderbolts facts. “Though it’s not exactly legal. Won’t tell anypony, will you?”

Twilight’s jaw is hanging low, Starlight takes a step and closes it with a snap. Twilight puts a hoof up to comfort her jaw. Then she glares at Starlight, “She needs to actually learn the information, not have it blasted into her brain!!!”

“The premier Wonderbolts choreographer is Commander Easyglider” Rainbow grumbles, her eyes half lidded.

Starlight shrugs, “As I said, it’s temporary, but I’m here for more than her passing her exam. I’m here to tell you something. Rainbow is a passive learner. And that is greatest while flying, she notices everything around her and passively absorbs it. So, if you want to help her really learn, with information you want her to retain long term, present the information as she flies and she will retain it far better than Pinkie raps, or your flash cards.” She brings a hoof to her chin. “Though I did like Pinkie’s rap. It was very 90’s”

“Huh? What? What 90’s?”

Starlight giggles. “Don’t worry, just have Rainbow take her test, she’ll pass. And you know how to help your friend in the future. Ta Ta!” With a bright flash, Starlight disappears.

“There were seven original Wonderbolts.” Rainbow murmurs, “And Princess Celestia’s favorite flight patter is the Icaranian Sun Salutation.”

Twilight huffs as she leaves the dazed pegasus to finish absorbing the spell that Starlight had blasted her with.

66 & 67. Princess Twilight Sparkle

"Oh ho ho! This is so much fun!" Discord said as Princess Celestia and Princess Luna approached his throne in the chaos capital of the world. "How about a game of Pin the Tail on the Pony?" he said, holding Celestia's tail. Celestia gasped to see that indeed her rump was now bare.

"Playtime is over for you Discord!" Celestia shouted.

"Oh, I doubt that!" Discord replied, munching on his bag of plunderseeds. "Hungry?" he asked, offering them the bag. "Suit yourselves." Celestia and Luna each took the Elements of Harmony from their bags. "Ooh, what have you got there?"

"The Elements of Harmony," Celestia said.

"With them, we shall defeat you!" Luna added with conviction. Discord could only laugh.

"Hahaha! You should see yourselves right now! The expressions on your face! So intense. So sure of yourselves! Hilarious!" A blast of rainbow magic turned the draconequus to stone.

A moment later Starlight Glimmer appeared in a flash of purple light. She surveyed the area around the new statue and began firing bouts of wildfire flame spells from her horn, spraying it liberally in a wide swath, popping all the plunderseeds like popcorn and leaving a massive brown patch of scorched earth around the stone figure. The two alicorns looked on in confused awe.

"What?" Starlight asked indignantly. "Do you want plundervines? Because that's how you get plundervines!"

90 & 91. Twilight's Kingdom

The dark lord, Tirek skulked about the alleys of Canterlot. He was still weak from his escape from Tartarus. But he had strength enough at last to drain the magic from ponies. Shrouded in a cloak, he stalked his first victim.

The pony nearly walked right into him.

"Very sorry. You came out of nowhere," the pony apologized.

"Is he friend, or is he foe, the pony wonders," Tirek said out loud to the pony. "I can assure you. I am no 'friend'. I am Lord Tirek. And I will take what should have been mine long ago." Tirek opened his mouth to consume the pony's magic, but all he got from the pony was the sudden blow to the head from a loose road brick.

Before he knew what was happening, the unicorn bound his arms and legs and had him fitted with a ball-gag, preventing him from consuming magic. In a flash they both teleported into Twilight Sparkle's library. Twilight Sparkle and Spike were away, visiting the Crystal Empire to 'smile and wave'. Owlicious, being nocturnal, was out flying for the night. The library was empty, silent and pitch dark on the moonless night. Tirek couldn't see, but he could tell that he was tied to a chair.

"Is she friend, or is she foe, the centaur wonders," the mare's voice said from the darkness. "I can assure you. I am no 'friend'. I am Starlight Glimmer. And I will take what should have been mine long ago!" The mare plucked the triangular amulet from around Tirek's neck and added it to her bag of other inanimate objects that she had collected, including the rainbow thread, Rainbow's Wonderbolts pin, a rubber chicken, a flower, and a single, crisp, bit.

The glass case in the library that still had the Elements of Harmony, since she had prevented the plunderseeds from affecting the Tree of Harmony. She opened the case and put them into her other saddle bag. Tirek mumbled in confusion against the ball-gag in his mouth.

"Oh, don't ask. You don't even want to know where it's been." Starlight said. "Anyway, I'd love to stay and chat, but l really don't want to live in Golden Oaks Library in a couple years. But don't worry. I will fix everything in thirty seconds or less..." Starlight lit a match, igniting a cigarette in her mouth. By the dim light of the hot cherry, Tirek could see that all of the books in the library had been replaced with bundles of dynamite. Tirek struggled against his bindings in abject terror. She leaned in, uncomfortably close to his face, "... o͇̟̮r͙͚̦̤͈̮ ̻̺͎t͔̙͈͓̝͚hḙ̜̩̹ ̮͇̼̻̳̞̞p͕̬̞̰i͚̰̱̬̞͙z̹̻̱z̳a̞̼͎̳'̞̤s̮̟̳ ̲̣̻͉͔f͖̮̜̫̯̮̮r̭̟͇̼͉̥̲e͍͇͍̳̩͕e̤͖̤̣͍̬."

Starlight flicked the cigarette into his lap. The dynamite fuse that was wrapped around him ignited and he could do nothing but watch it burn down as the mare trotted out the door. Starlight left and never looked back. After all, she had a tree that needed elements fed to it, a box to unlock, and a castle to house-sit until a certain princess came back from 'smiling and waving.'

And cool mares don't look at the explosion.

My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic.... In Thirty Seconds. Simple Things Episode 78 overall.

“I've seen a lot in my travels, but I've never beheld such beauty. Applejack... The pony of my dreams…” Trenderhoof almost went head-over-hooves for the orange mare that was in his sights. Rarity, standing beside the stallion that had unknowingly taken her heart out and stepped on it, while making sure to rub some salt in her wound, could only stare aghast at what he had said.

“I-I see… Well, then.” The white mare tried hard not to cry as Trenderhoof let out a small sigh while watching Applejack work. Said mare was oblivious as she bucked another tree in preparation for the upcoming festival.

Suddenly, there was a bright flash of light as that Mystery mare once again stepped out, dusting some black soot off her shoulder. “Little too quick this time I guess... Anyways” Starlight trotted right up to Trenderhoof, wrapping a hoof around his neck like a college fratcolt. “Helloooo Trendy!~ You don’t know me, but I know you! I’m sure you get that a lot, but whatever.” Rarity herself was now utterly peeved. This made just had to show up again. She grumbled and ground her teeth as Starlight pulled the stallion in a bit closer.

“See that mare over there? That’s my friend. Well, not yet anyways. But she’s got a heart of gold and she won’t tell you to just leave her alone when you annoy her. So, I’ll have to do it for you!” She then leaned in real close and gave a crooked grin. “So, I will say this once. And only, once. If you don’t leave that mare alone, you won’t have to worry about me. Oh no. You’ll have to worry about him.” Pointing with a hoof, the three ponies looked to see Big Mac stacking a few barrels onto a trailer.

The sweater waring stallion went wide-eyed as Big Mac wiped his brow of sweat, taking a big drink from his canteen. There was a few moments before Trenderhoof wordlessly walked out of Starlight’s grasp and over to the large red stallion. Rarity and Starlight looked at each other for a moment, before looking back.

The two stallions were already in a deep conversation, unbefitting of the incredibly shy Big Mac. “Well…” Rarity began.

“I uh, yep.” Starlight finished, unsure how to process what just happened.

They both looked at each other before Rarity let out a sigh. “Never speak of this again?”

“Agreed.” Starlight nodded.

With a slight bow, Rarity took her leave. Looking very, confused to say the least. “Well, at least somepony got a happy ending. Onto the next!” Pulling out the Friendship Journal, Starlight opened another time hole and stepped inside. “And I have just the thing in mind!” Just like how she arrived, in a flash of light, she was gone.

Hope this turned out alright. Had to upload it off my phone as my laptop was being weird. Looking forward to this season!

Duskhoof presents,
A Sunday Night Quadruple bill;
Starlight Fixes...

(A quick disclaimer; no, wait. Starlight didn’t fix a quick disclaimer, that was me. Duskhoof. The author. I just wanted to disclaim any feeling that now I have written these, that’s all said and done for the assigned writers. If the original authors who agreed to do these stories manage to provide their works in the time it takes for Master Strong-Spearicles to edit season four, then their work should take precedence over mine. These were created for contingency and entertainment reasons. Do not feel you missed the boat just because this exists. Thank you. Without further ado, watch as the magnificent Starlight fixes...)

72. Bats

Darkness.

Sweet Apple Acres was cloaked in the shroud of the night, and it always took a sinister appearance when the moon was high and Luna’s trails through the land of dreams was afoot.

Through the gentle breeze that blew the apple trees, a black figure flew. It swooped, it ducked, it dived, and it feasted. A spell, they would come to think, would be the answer to why this creature came to be. An accident brought upon by a misstep in wanting to resolve a problem with a bunch of innocent, hungry, nocturnal animals. Little did they know the true cause for the apples turning up suckled into rotten pastes come day break. Little did they know of the truth.

“Fluttershy!” A voice suddenly snapped in the cool summer-night air, shortly before the bells of Ponyville struck midnight.

From the hanging black body, a pair of red eyes snapped open with a fierce glare at the confident speaker. The mass of the twilight-loving (in every sense - if the secret diaries are to be believed) being spread her wings in a show of dominance and screeched, preparing to fend off the Helsing to her Dracula, before spying something else around the potential huntress. She cried again and flapped her wings, performing an impressive dive to land before the bold pony who challenged her.

“What isssss thisssss?” she hissed, cracking her wings like a whip to a lion, expecting a violent retaliation. Instead, the pony who requested an audience with her stepped into the light of the reflecting glow of light from the satellite in the sky and smiled, placing a hoof on her shoulder in an offer of friendship.

“You see all of these bushels of apples? Help yourself,” offered the mare with a calming tone. The hybrid bat-pony version of her usually timid friend flicked a tongue over the fangs made to puncture the skins of the sugary fruits and stared, not yet trusting the horse in front of her.

“Why would you offer these so freely?” She asked defiantly, although Starlight could tell the wavering hunger was there.

“Because you turn into a different kind of animal when you’re hungry,” she proclaimed with a nod. She pushed Fluttershy, or Flutterbat as she preferred during her nighttime antics, to the bin filled to the brim with apples, and happily watched it gorge on the fruits she had brought to the mare.

“Better?” she asked, when the pastel yellow filly let out a long but satisfied belch.

“Better,” grinned Fluttershy, before squeaking and covering her mouth, “Oh… My….”

“It’s fine, don’t worry, the secret’s safe with me,” winked Glimmer, patting Flutters on her back, “for the record, the whole ‘The Stare’ thing gave the vampire thing away from the off for me, the other ponies just don’t see it unless you’re sparkling or melting because a little thing like sunlight is supposed to-” Starlight’s watch interrupted her with a beep. “Oh, right, almost time for me to go, just one last thing…”

“We’re sectioning off a space of the orchard for a bunch’o bats, sis?” Apple Bloom queried as she helped her sister set up the fencing around the trees, “Why?”

“Never ask why, Apple Bloom,” Applejack quaked as she said it, shuddering with the look of a mare haunted by post traumatic stress. “Just never tell Fluttershy no… Never ever tell her no, and never look her in the eye if you do… The Stare… the horrible, awful Stare…” Applejack lowered her hat over her eyes and kept working with maximum efficiency. Apple Bloom gasped, as she understood first hand the trauma her sister was going through, and patted her shoulder gently.

“Don’t worry, Sis,” she murmured, helping her with the task, “it wears off in a few days…”

81. It Ain’t Easy Being Breezie

“Is this racist?” squeakled the breezie version of Starlight Glimmer, “I feel like this is racist.”

“It’s almost certainly racist!” growled Seabreeze furiously, his legs flailing at the creature who just appeared shortly after the wind knocked his beetle-sized comrades and he off of course. Fluttershy had saved them from being tossed into oblivion, but now they were far behind the rest of their race.

“You’re an oddly familiar little…” began Fluttershy, before gasping in awe, “Starlight Glimmer? That’s you, isn’t it?”

“This is disgusting,” commented Seabreeze, floating around Glim-Breezie and shaking his head, “we do not even remotely look like that!”

“I know, I know, it’s awkward for me too, but trust me, it’s for a good reason…” and then she retrieved the rolled up newspaper she had stored under one leg. Immediately, she flew to the closest Breezie snuggling up to Fluttershy, and gave it a whack on the snout.

“Lazy!” she commented with a deep frown. Instantly she zoomed across to the next, and repeated the action, to a horrified cry from Fluttershy.

“Sloth!” She was moving to the next before she could be stopped. Whap!

“Indolence!”

“Starlight Glimmer, stop! What are you doing?” wailed ‘Shy, genuine tears pooling in her eyes at the mishandling of her new friends.

“Teaching them a lesson! A friendship lesson!” every breezie got a taste of the shrunken newspaper, except for Seabreeze. Despite this, he still looked deeply offended.

“This is how ponies treat breezies? This is almost certainly a declaration of war!”

“No, look, I’m going to do it to my own kind too…” Starlight the Breezie finished her assault with a slap of the broadsheet to Fluttershy’s nose, creating a small yelp from the caretaker. “That’s for forgetting all the hard work you’ve put into not being such a pushover! These little guys-”

“Mocking our height now?” squeaked Seabreeze furiously.

“-are tougher than they look.” Glimmer gave Seabreeze a firm, wistful expression, “they need to listen to Seabreeze and go home, otherwise they’ll get clingy and complacent.” She flew up between Fluttershy’s eyes and crossed her forelegs, the light catching through her wings. It refracted, beaming into the mare’s pupils, creating the most wonderous glow of colored lights.

“Oh… Oh um… I see… You’re right! Breezies, come on now. It’s time to go home. Let me just ask Rainbow if she’ll make the breeze one more time.” The pegasus gave a thankful smile to Starlight Glimmer, knowing she would not be there when she returned, and glided away to locate her friend.

“I…” Seabreeze began, but the purple mare waved a hoof, gesturing to a sudden circle of magic appearing behind her.

“Sorry, I have to go, I really couldn’t find a pizza shop willing to make a pizza small enough without charging a small fortune for it. Apologies again for-” She quickly gestured to herself, then started for the portal.

“Wait!” Seabreeze dove to the ground, searching, and soon came back with what he’d been looking for. A particularly pretty flower. “Thank you.” Starlight took it with a blink and wiggled her breezie-antenna.

“I’d say pass it on to Fluttershy buuuuut, it saves time if I just keep it. Thanks, Mr. Seabreeze!” She grinned with a salute and performed a quick loop-dee-loop before diving into her magical portal, disappearing with a pop!

“Still highly racist though,” Seabreeze sighed, shaking his head disappointedly.

83. Maud Pie

“I can't wait for you all to meet her,” whinnied the pinkest, most party-friendly and bat-screech crazy pony ever to walk the face of Equestria. “I just know that my best Ponyville friends and my best sister friend are gonna become bestest friends! We can make bestest-est friend rock candy necklaces together!”

Pinkie, bespectacled with a pair of safety goggles and garnished with a tall toque blanche, squealed and cantered on the spot with glee.  

“She expresses herself through fashion just like Rarity,” she explained, roping the beautiful mare in for a squeezing hug (no pony noticed the jealous snort from Applejack except Gummy, and he told nopony), “and she's really smart and loves reading just like Twilight!” In came Twilight to make this squeeze a threesome, “And she's honest,” Applejack went far too willingly into the quadruple hug, “and loves forest things,” Fluttershy flailed, but an escape artist, she was not, “and is good at games,” Rainbow’s attempt to dash was unsuccessful, due to the long tail she refused to trim, “and... Well, oh, she's awesome!”

The cuddled orgy groaned as Pinkie’s impossibly physical-stretch-defying legs clung to them. Rarity, noticing Applejack’s dark stares at how close her pretty little mouth was to Pinkie’s, piped up, ”she sounds amazing, darling, but won't she start worrying if you aren't at the train station when she gets here?”

“She sure will,” the main touchy-feelie pony said agreeably. It took a very long second for the realisation to kick in, but then she gasped in terror when it did. “I gotta get out of here!” With the strength of thirty Mr. Smiths, she threw the other five friends out of her grasp and across the room, before summoning the speed of the One within her and zipping out of the room fast enough to make the Matrix glitch.

“Coulda just said, ‘gotta go, see y’all later,’ instead of tossin’ us like some rag dolls,” grumped AJ, dusting herself off.

“This is Pinkie Pie, she doesn’t do ‘conventional’,” added Rainbow Dash.

“That’s a big word for you, Dashie,” chuckled Starlight, perched atop the mountain of rock candy.

“I heard some ponies say it one time and I always wanted to sound more like an egghe- HEY! When did you get here!”

“Long enough ago to give you all a few game plans!” she offered helpfully, then glanced to Rarity and Applejack, “no, game plans, not… nevermind. Maud Pie! You’re about to meet her and Pinkie’s all stoked about this because she thinks you’re going to hit it off. Spoiler alert - she’s a rock-loving goth-in-denial and its kind of odd but she makes it work.” Starlight took a candy and chomped on it as she checked they were all following her so far. Her eye twitched at the crack in her mouth and she quickly checked her tooth was unharmed.

“Phew. Anyway, you don’t share that much in common and you each emote far more than she has the capable range of  but you all have one common love. I’ve still got time, so I’m going to let you guess. Twilight?”

“Um, Books?” offered the Princess. Starlight frowned.

“You’re supposed to be the smart one! Rainbow?”

“Pinkie said games so I guess-” Dash shrugged, and received a blown raspberry from Glimmer.

“No! Applejack, please tell me you figured this out…”

“Honesty! Th’ girl loves an honest mare!” Applejack beamed with pride.

“NO! Come on guys, I’m not mad but I’m severely disappointed,” Starlight tapped an impatient hoof, “PINKIE PIE. You all love Pinkie, that’s the common ground.”  

“Pinkie Pie,” parroted Rarity quickly, “I was going to say Pinkie Pie, darling, you just didn’t get around to me.” Yet, her eyes darted more than a lying Applejack’s would. It must have been a habit she picked up from spending so much time with the cowmare…

“If you all work with Maud to make Pinkie happy, this whole thing is going to go like a dream,” Glimmer prepared for her exit and sauntered backwards towards the appearing temporary hole in the fabric of space and time, “and don’t question Boulder. We all need to get our ‘rocks’ off now and again. Get it? Rocks?” The giggles followed her all the way into the wormhole, before it faded with an echo as the doorway closed. The group looked amongst each other and Twilight frowned.

“She’s right. We ARE getting lazy… I’m going to go read a ton of books before Maud Pie gets here…”

88. Inspiration Manifestation

“This is awful! Simply awful!” wailed the puppeteer, flailing at the finished design of a miniature theatre Rarity had painstakingly crafted on commission.

The dressmaker, who’d briefly taken time out of her busy schedule to do the extra opportunity assigned to her, gasped in horror at the remark. After long hours, time spent away from her friends and other creations in order to make a brand new stage for the puppet show, Rarity had not expected such a brutal and heartless response. She questioned it, and allowed her client to open up on his criticisms.

“It’s completely unusable,” as he inspected closer, he found that the wheels did not touch the ground, making the thing impossible to travel on it’s own steam. It had two vases of flowers upon the stage area, which could easily have been moved to allow for puppets to act on it if the stallion was not blinded by his dislike for the item. In short, the pompous oaf did not see the potential in the small arena Rarity had created for him. “It appears I won't have a traveling puppet theater to use after all!”

He only saw the spinning ring of wisping orchid that smelled strongly of palma violets when he turned around, just in time for it to birth Starlight Glimmer into the fray.  
“That is a real shame, because it looks like you could use the exercise,” she offered pithily, then lassoed Spike and Rarity to her sides before one could escape to wail sad songs and gobble ice cream, whilst the other would go touching books that even smelled of evil (it’s a sort of sulphuric smell, mixed with that nasty flowery scent you get from really bad air fresheners).

“Friendship lesson!” Cried Glimmer as the portly stallion still spluttered and choked on the insult Starlight had laid on him, “Spike, do you like this guy’s puppets?”

“Um… I… I don’t wanna say,” murmured the dragon awkwardly, looking at the fat face growing more purple by the second.

“Oh, Pish, don’t be such a Fluttershy!” giggled the time traveller, “he was just rude to the object of your secret desires, lay it on him thick, Spikey Wickey!” Rarity did not bat an eyelid, and the fellow unicorn mare noticed it. Huh, thought Starlight, maybe not that secret after all. I’ll remember that...

“You’re puppets are ugly!” Spike threw his hands over his mouth, looking shocked at what he’d just said. But then, like that time Celestia sent one thousand scrolls through his belching postal system just to be a troll, the rest of the words came flooding out. “They look like Frankenpony’s foals and they should be banned from being one-hundred miles near a school! They need fire, and lots of it!”

Starlight was about to congratulate him, but Spike was on a roll now, and the mare simply blinked as he continued, “you look like the foal-catcher from ‘Chitty Chitty Bang Cart,’ and you sound like a bug flew down your throat and now speaks for you! And-” It was Rarity who silenced him first.

“That’s very sweet of you, darling, I think I can take it from here.” She cleared her throat and stared out the startled stallion. “Politeness is a virtue you appear to be lacking. Thankfully, my dear dragon friend showed me that I do not lack the same grace. Here is my response to your critique, good sir; I shall refund you for all but my time, and be done with you.” She retrieved her saddle bag, replaced most of the money into his hoof, and closed his mouth with a shine of her horn before he could complain further.

“Thank you for your interest, but I, sir, am a dressmaker. May your life be as pleasant as you are. Good day!” And with a one-eighty turn, she flicked her pristine tail across his muzzle and started to trot away, calling Spike to follow her.

The young drake looked at the big, unfriendly puppeteer struggling with the gag on his mouth, then up at Starlight who was grinning delightedly.

“Good job, Spike. Momma’s so proud!” She gave him a gentle pat on the head, rose up her magical exit to her next destination, and winked playfully. “Remember, honesty is the best policy!” Just like that, she was gone.

Spike pondered the turn of events for a moment, and then quickly crossed his arms as he looked to puppet master Claude one last time. “B.O. problem too, seriously, have some pride in yourself, stallion!” With that, Spike raced after Rarity, leaving Claude to reconsider his lifetime decisions up to this point…

108. Brotherhooves Social

Yet another flash and mighty report later, our heroine, Starlight Glimmer, she who travels time and fixes problems before they can happen (without heed to the inherent consequences of time travel, obviously) in 30 seconds - o͇̟̮r͙͚̦̤͈̮ ̻̺͎t͔̙͈͓̝͚hḙ̜̩̹ ̮͇̼̻̳̞̞p͕̬̞̰i͚̰̱̬̞͙z̹̻̱z̳a̞̼͎̳'̞̤s̮̟̳ ̲̣̻͉͔f͖̮̜̫̯̮̮r̭̟͇̼͉̥̲e͍͇͍̳̩͕e̤͖̤̣͍̬, appears in front of a rather confused Big Mac. He opens his mouth to question the deus ex whatevera, but is quickly interrupted as the heliotrope unicorn looks up from her book, which to this point she has been studying with an exceptionally quaint expression.

"Okay, covering the root problem to begin with, Applebloom DEFINITELY still loves you and looks up to you. She may be pretty horrible at showing it, but it's true." She scrunches her face as she rereads a bit of the book, which Big Mac realizes looks AWFUL familiar, even if he can't put his hoof on it. "Second... seriously, cross dressing?! If you're into that, then good for you. Otherwise, you DO realize that the judges 'extremely loose definition of sister' is so loose to include a brother, right? Seriously, just ask Granny Smith."

Starlight pulls out a stopwatch, then puts it away with a grimace.

"Darn, just a couple seconds over..." She pulls out a box of pizza and hoofs it Big Mac. "Enjoy the pizza; courtesy of this one taking more than 30 seconds. Celestia knows Applebloom loves this stuff."

Relighting her horn, she then disappears in a similar fashion to her sudden appearance. It takes a moment, but eventually the slackjawed stallion is able to form a coherent thought.

"What in the hay?!"

Her Royal Highness Luna, Princess of the Moon, took a deep and shuddering breath. The hoofbeats of the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony drew close. She spared a sidelong glance at the glittering, undulating cloud of inky-blue starlight at her shoulder.

"Greetings, Tantabus. I am ready. Do your w—"

There was a sharp smack, and Luna awoke, her cheek aching. Perched on her chest was a pinkish, purple-maned unicorn, her hoof raised in the follow-through from a stern backhoof slap.

"Ah!" said Starlight Glimmer, brightly. "You're awake!"

"What—"

"Princess Luna, your pet nocturnal hair-shirt's gone rabid and we gotta take it out behind the shed. The only thing stopping it from leaping over to the dreams of my very best friends right now is that I've temporarily shut down their posterior cerebral cortices."

Luna frowned. "That will blind them!"

"Well, they'll be a little blind, sure. Here's the deal: your private mortification is about to turn the world into a nightmarish heckscape. Stop it."

Luna's eyes went distant. "But the awful deeds of my past..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't punish yourself in private. Make a big deal of it! Whenever something goes even a little wrong, take the opportunity to loudly remind everyone of all the bad things you've ever done, and then get on with your day. Night. Whatever."

"What you say is impossible. Without unending repentance, I risk slipping back into my old ways."

"That's the beauty of it!" exclaimed Starlight, throwing her hooves wide. "Your evil side came out because you felt marginalized by your sister, right? By incessantly whining about your dark past, you'll convince everyone that you're a super-special pony and constantly deserve to be at the center of attention. Nopony will ever ignore you again!"

The Moon Princess frowned. "Is what you say likely to happen?"

Starlight gave her hoof an attagirl pump. "Worked for me!" she said.

92 & 93. The Cutie Map

Starlight Glimmer turned the page of the Friendship Journal and sighed. She had put this off for as long as she could. She put the book into her bag, donned her cloak, and stepped through the portal.

In a flash of purple light, Starlight appeared next to Twilight Sparkle and her friends.

"You again!?" Twilight asked indignantly. She looked at the rest of her friends. "Is it not enough that we have a magic Cutie Map already telling us where to go?" Starlight frowned and said nothing. "Fine! Who is it that you are going to fix everything for this time?"

"Myself," Starlight said in shame, following them into her old village. She pulled the hood over her head.

As the villagers with equal signs for cutie marks began to great them with stilted welcomes, she pulled the brim of her hood lower. By the time they reached the house at the far end of the town, the entire village had gathered around them.

Starlight Glimmer stepped out of her house. That is, her former self did. Twilight did a double take and looked back at their Starlight. Hooded Starlight just shook her head in response. Her face was completely hidden.

"What brings you to our village?" Cult-Leader Starlight asked. The hooded Starlight responded only by pulling a gun out from under her cloak. She leveled the barrel at her former self.

"I'm sorry it had to be like this," she said to herself.

Starlight pulled the trigger.

The gun fired.

Her aim was true.

The shot landed.

Everypony gasped.

The shot from the Super Soaker washed away the makeup on their leader's flank, revealing her true cutie mark.

"You made us give up our cutie marks but you didn't give up your own!?" one of the villagers asked.

Surrounded by the enclosing angry mob, (including the visiting alicorn still possessing her cutie mark and her magical abilities), former Starlight sent out a panicked blast of magic, sending everypony staggering back before she ran to escape into the maze of tunnels in the mountainside.

"Come on! Let's get our cutie marks back!" The rest of the villagers ran in the opposite direction to a different cave, smashing their marks' prison.

Twilight turned to thank Starlight for her help but, as usual, she had already vanished.

Here's mine, complete with hidden horsehead masks.

100. Slice of Life

“This says the wedding is today!” Matilda panicked.

A brilliant flash of light illuminated the room just as Matilda lifted up the invitation.

“Nothing time travel can’t handle.” Starlight smirked, lighting her horn.

A time vortex opened up in the middle of the road, randomly swallowing up not only Vinyl Scratch, but Octavia, the road, and the dubstep-mobile.

Clunk.

“WHAT IN TARNATION IS THAT?!” Applejack shouted as Vinyl and Octavia crash-landed on the bugbear.

Past-Octavia cantered up to the now-squished monster, poking it in the side a couple times with her cello’s bow. She stared up at her future doppelganger and Vinyl, of whom simply shrugged.

Meanwhile, Special Agent Sweetie Drops turns away, never to be heard of again.

Meanwhile meanwhile, with the Bugbear taken care of, Pinkie bounced off to work on the wedding plans.

Amethyst Star watched in the background.

“Oh, I wish there was a way I could go back in time and fix all th—“

“Done, done, and done.” Starlight’s disembodied voice rung out over Derpy and Dr. Hooves. The former proceeded to drop into a portal, while the latter choked on his drink.

“Then you’ve got to help me!” Doctor Hooves exclaimed, holding up is suit. “I need this suit tailored, it’s an emergency!”

“Hahaha. Sorry, man. We’re just about to start the finals.”

“…What’s this word you keep using, man?”

Before anypony could respond, a freshly-tailored suit was spat out of a wall-portal, landing perfectly over the Doctor’s face.

“Oh… oh, I’ll never get my mane done in—“

One blinding flash of magical hairbrusherry later, and Matilda’s mane was as good as done.

Lotus Blossom simply blinked.

“Ahem.” Steven Magnet coughed, “Uh, what a lovely day we’re having, isn’t it?”

Starlight eyed the final paragraph of the page in Twilight’s Friendship Journal, her muzzle scrunched up as the mental scene played out in her head.

She looked up, staring through the window of the ongoing wedding over the collective shoulders of Twilight & Company.

“Eh, looks like my job here’s done.”

Rumors tell that the pizza at the wedding tasted strangely of pizza. And Celestia's "forgotten" present.

...

...

The music that day was strange, especially with Vinyl and Octavia being doubled via time travel.

Ep 110/S5 Ep19: The One Where Pinkie Pie Knows

EqIC Site 9, S.M.I.L.E. Headquarters
37 km ESE of Carrossierburg, Avalon
7 Nightmare, 1016 AMN, 0300

A soundproof phone booth in the office of the Director emits a noise not unlike dragging a key along piano strings, and then opens to emit a purple mare, or who would be purple if not for the absurd amount of stealth spells going on. She then walks over to the desk, and rifles through it until she finds two stamps and ink pad. She then teleports out, which sets off all the alarms.

EqDoD Site 18-B, Sugarcube Corner
Approx. 50 km SW of Canterlot, Avalon
7 Nightmare, 1016 AMN, 1230

Mrs. Cake sets down her pen after copying down the recipe for the cake called for. After crumpling up the original letter and tossing it in the fire, she wonders aloud:
"So the 'For Your Eyes Only' stamp I get, seeing as it is top secret and all, but why the 'Burn After Reading' one?"
She ponders this for a few seconds before dismissing it.
"Doesn't matter. That cake won't bake itself!"

Out of the window, binoculars vanish into a bush, which disappears (with a certain sound a certain government agency is currently scrambling to decipher), and Pinkie Pie gets a strong sense of Déjà vu.

Egad, this pushed right up against the 1000-word limit. But then how could it not, given the topic?

Tagging 6566239-senpai because I'm proud of this one reasons.

EDIT: Now with GDocs link

“—and I won’t hesitate to pull her from the festival if these demands aren’t met!”

Pinkie Pie shrunk low to the ground, teeth gritted in the plaintive hope that the off-white stallion before her would stop shouting. She wanted so badly to call him a mean meanie-head and walk away. This certainly wasn’t how her friends talked to her! Or townsponies! Not even Limestone got so bad, unless she’d touched Holder’s Boulder, in which case she knew she deserved it!

But crouching there, with Svengallop looming over her… Pinkie couldn’t. She just couldn’t. Her throat felt dry, her would-be comebacks turned to ashes, and—

Suddenly there was a loud *SCREECH* from all the festival’s huge amps and loudspeakers all at once. Svengallop jerked back and raised his eyes toward a spot above and behind Pinkie. She turned in time to see a huge burst of pyrotechnics light up the top of a particularly massive stack of amplifiers that stretched well above the top of the adjoining stage.

In the center of the flames was the silhouette of a pony.

The fire didn’t abate. But it shifted, tapering in front and flaring even higher in the back, bringing the pony’s corpse-painted visage and studded black hoofbands into sharp relief. It glared straight down at Pinkie—no, at Svengallop—then hefted a long-necked guitar with an appearance like six strings trying to escape from the skull of a deadly beast.

“Foolish mortal,” the pony’s voice boomed—and Pinkie noticed it had a glowing horn, which might’ve been the source of its amplification. “You would terrorize the mortal realm to keep your prissy little pop-princess from discovering true power?”

“I…” Svengallop swallowed. “I don’t know what you—”

“SILENCE!”

Thunder cracked, and lightning speared down from the sky, as the pony adjusted a dial on its guitar. Pinkie’s muzzle crinkled as a pungent and distinct odor came wafting on the breeze from where Svengallop stood trembling.

“Countess Coloratura, I know you can hear me. My time in this realm grows short. But behold: the power of Tartarus unchained. Behold: true power. Behold… then claim it as your own, if you dare!”

Then the pony strummed, and Pinkie and Svengallop alike were blown off their hooves by a sound-wave of incomprehensible power. They were sent tumbling end-over-end across the festival grounds as the single chord was followed by others in rapid succession…

Trixie relaxed into the chair next to Starlight’s bed in the Castle of Friendship, then squeezed her eyes shut and allowed herself a moment to simply soak up its plush softness. Trixie really must ask if there’s a spare one of these around, she thought to herself. One deep breath led to another, and then another, as a smile crept across her face. How many times has Trixie visited her Great and Powerful best friend, yet never thought to rest her weary hooves from the road in this most magnificent of chairs?

A gentle tone from a clock on the wall disrupted Trixie’s reverie. She huffed and pouted at it. Perhaps Trixie should work in some more teacup practice while she’s waiting? After a moment of considering the thought, Trixie furrowed her brow. I wonder what Starlight’s up to in there, anyway? Didn’t she tell Trixie that she just needed a minute, and then she’d have something ‘fun’ to share?

Slowly, reluctantly, Trixie pushed herself up and out of the chair. Her hooves were a bit weary from the road, truth be told; but she felt torn between concern for her friend, and irritation at being made to wait. She crossed to the door of Starlight’s dressing room—Must be nice to have one of those!—and knocked.

“Starlight? Starlight! Trixie is quite ready to see this ‘fun’ you promised!”

She jumped at the loud *BOOM!* that sounded behind her. Then she turned, and blinked several times as she struggled to get her brain around the juxtaposition of Starlight having suddenly appeared amid a hodgepodge layer of dime-store, teenage-rebel nonsense.

“Hey Trixie!” Starlight said, smiling widely and breathing as if she was winded. “Whoo… sorry, I forgot how good that felt. I completely lost track of time!” A grimace worked its way across her corpse-painted, heavily-mascara’d features. “Which… is gonna cost me, big time. I ended up having to put an entire festival’s worth of pizza on my Amareican Express card. Thank Celestia they didn’t decline the charge!”

“What…?”

“Oh, the getup!” Starlight stepped back, raising her forehooves, gesturing at herself with one while hefting a really weird-looking guitar with the other. “Yeah, it turns out I don’t fit the jacket anymore. But the rest of it is how I went around in high school! I was the terror of Sire’s Hollow. Oh, and I still remember how to play a couple songs. Wanna hear?”

Trixie kept her gaze even, and smacked her lips. “Yeeeaaahhhh, Trixie’s gonna go with ‘no’ on that.”

“You… don’t like metal?”

With a slow shake of her head, Trixie walked back over to the chair and sat down. “It’s not just that, of course; you look ridiculous! Though Trixie is indeed more a fan of music that doesn’t threaten her eardrums, and that has things like melody, and recognizable words… not ones about horrid things like disembowelment, either.”

A grimace of fiery condemnation—totally accentuated by the makeup—settled over Starlight’s face.

“Now if we’re done with this… highly questionable ‘fun,’ I believe that Trixie was promised a selection of one or more fine pizzas?”

Starlight raised the guitar. Her horn flared. And she strummed—

“And the winner of the Student Pony President election is… Diamond Tiara!” said Cheerilee with a way-too-intense grin.

“Hooray! Diamond Tiara forever!” chanted the entire school in unison.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders looked on in abject horror.

“Oh, cheer up girls,” said Starlight Glimmer. “It’s for the best this way.”

“How is this for the best!?” shouted Applebloom. “Do you have any idea how insufferable she’s going to be?”

“I’m actually more worried about what you did to everypony,” said Sweetie Belle, nervously waving a hoof in front of Twist’s face.

“I saved everypony a lot of grief. Did you know that if I just let you go ahead and ruin poor Diamond Tiara’s life not only would you have destroyed her relationship with her best friend, condemning her to a life of loneliness and isolation with only her unnatural power to command the minds and hearts of the ponies around her as a comfort, sending her spiraling down a twisted path that leads to her becoming the heartless dictator of a distant village where all finally discover equality in servitude…”

“That’s what happens to Diamond Tiara in the future!?” exclaimed Applebloom.

“She goes crazy!?” said Scootaloo.

“Not crazy. No. Not crazy,” said Starlight Glimmer. “What - crazy? I mean, anypony would react like that. Let’s not throw words like crazy around. It’s an entirely logical chain of - anyway! Not only would you condemn her to that you would also ruin her relationship with her mother. She’d snap at her mother and boss her around and get her to think that she’s growing up too fast, so the best thing for her mother to do would be to try to capture the last fleeting moments of her child’s youth, which inevitably would lead to her idolizing and painstakingly preserving every aspect of her foalhood and maintaining her room as a shrine for decades afterwards as she seeks to preserve the innocence she doesn’t know her daughter lost in a mad bid to destroy time itself on a quest for vengeance.”

“Spoiled Rich does that?” said Sweetie Belle. “Are you sure?”

“Of course she does, probably,” said Starlight Glimmer. “All parents are like that. Just ask Rainbow Dash.”

“Rainbow Dash has parents?” asked Scootaloo, eyes widening.

“The point is you were going to ruin Diamond Tiara’s life, waste a perfectly good statue, and not even get cutie marks in campaign management,” said Starlight Glimmer. “Anyway, your special talent is helping other ponies, obviously.”

“Oh, that makes sense,” said Applebloom.

There was a flash of bright light.

Starlight Glimmer was gone.

Their flanks now proudly wore three matching cutie marks.

Diamond Tiara’s campaign speech had descended into maniacal laughter as the hollow-eyed crowd blankly cheered her name.

The playground never got fixed.

"Actually," said Fluttershy's father, failing to hide his chagrin, "it's funny you bring Zephyr up..."

Fluttershy's face fell. "Oh no! Not again!"

"It's just for a little while, dear," said her mother, failing to console. "'Til he gets back on his--"

The door burst inward.

"Mom! Dad!"

Haggard, dirt-stained and near maneless, Zephyr Breeze swept into the house like a hurricane, collecting his parents in a bone-crushing hug. "Oh, I'm so happy to see you both!"

With a gasp, he dropped them and rushed to his sister, catching her up and squeezing her tight.

"Fluttershy! Big sis, I'm so glad you're here!"

Fluttershy was stunned. Was he... crying into her mane?

"Zephyr?"

He separated from her, looking into her eyes with a thousand-yard stare. "Oh, Fluttershy, I'm just... I'm so overwhelmed..." His breath caught in his throat.

"Um," said Rainbow Dash, "am I missing something?"

"Is that Rainbow Dash?" Zephyr smiled, releasing Fluttershy and moving over to Dash, extending his hoof. "Rainbow, I am so, so sorry for the way I've treated you. As long as we've known each other, I've been nothing but a... a jerk to you. I hope you'll give me a second chance to show that I've become a changed pony. I want us to be friends."

Dash shook his hoof limply, unable to pick her jaw up off the ground enough to do anything else.

"I agree with Rainbow Dash," said Mrs. Shy. "Goodness gracious, Zephyr, you're an absolute mess, are you all right?"

Her husband put a wing around her. "And you've gotten so strong. Did something happen, son?"

Zephyr looked one by one at the ponies in the room with him, smiling at each in turn. "I've got quite a story to tell, but I don't know if you'll believe me..."

Earlier...

"Talentless hack?" Zephyr stomped the unyielding sidewalk. "Wouldn't know a mane if it bit me in the flank?" He kicked a nearby trash can and only hurt his hoof. "I'll show those ungrateful... Cloudsdale Mane Therapy School? Hah! More like Cloudsdale Mane Therapy... Fools!"

As he congratulated himself on a rhyme well done, a whiff of ozone, a flash and a pop in front of him caught his attention. A pink unicorn mare wearing black, spiky armor materialized in front of him, coughing on her own smoke.

"What in the wide, wide world of Equestria?"

The mare gagged once, then turned a broad smile to him. "Hi there! Zephyr Breeze?"

It took a moment for Zephyr to pull himself out of his confused stupor, but a moment was all he needed to slick back his mane and turn on the ol' Zeph charm.

"My reputation precedes me," he said in what he thought was a sultry tone of voice. "But I'm afraid you have me at an advantage, miss?"

"Not important. Tell me, do you like antiques?" She indicated her armor. "This is a really classic piece, don't you think?"

'Confused' did not do justice to the emotions Zephyr was feeling at that moment.

"Antiques? What?"

The mare trotted up to him and lay a hoof on his shoulder. "Wanna see where I got it from? Great, let's go!"

In a poof, they both disappeared. When the smoke cleared, Zephyr found himself staring up at a tall spire of black crystal surmounted by purple flames. Atop it, a black unicorn howled and laughed maniacally. Below, a chain gang of ponies who sparkled dully in the firelight slumped past, heads low.

"Hey!" shouted the mare next to him. "I've got a straggler here!"

One of the guards, wearing black armor identical to the mare's, perked up and trotted over their way. Zeph got the feeling he didn't want to be there, but before he could turn tail, she gave him a little push from behind, and he stumbled into the guard. An iron collar was immediately slapped around his neck.

"Pretty sure he's the one who's been stealing armor, too," the mare said, putting a helmet on. "Make sure he's taken care of."

The guard saluted. "You're a tall one," he said. "You'll make a fine addition to His Majesty's work force." He hauled Zeph toward the line of slave ponies.

"Wait!" Zephyr shouted. "You can't do this to me! Do you know who I am?"

"A severe pain in the flank," said the mare coldly. She trotted over as the line was stopped so Zeph could be added to it. "But don't worry," she whispered, "I'll be back in thirty seconds."

As Zephyr howled in fear and anguish, the mare disappeared in a flash.

True to her word, Starlight rematerialized an instant later, if a few years into the future. It was a minor effort for her to infiltrate the ranks of King Sombra's military, running willy-nilly as they were while a pair of alicorns assaulted the Crystal Keep. She wove her way through the halls, down, down into the crystal mines below. The chaos of the surface was perhaps even more pronounced here, as slaves broke their chains and fought back against their captors with pickaxes, shovels and chunks of mined crystal.

There, in the center, stood a lanky green pegasus, wielding his broken chains like flails. His mane had been shorn, and he was both bulkier and thinner than when she'd last seen him, but a pony that tall couldn't go unnoticed. She removed her helmet and armor, dodging around the skirmishers, until she came up next to him.

"Go, my brothers and sisters!" he shouted. "To free--You?"

She grinned at him. "How's it going?"

"Oh, it's been amazing!" he cried. "Sure, the work was killer, but I've been helping organize the slave rebellion from within. Our freedom is at hoof!"

"That's great," said Starlight, patting him on the shoulder. "Ready to go back home?"

To her surprise, he hesitated. "What about my comrades in arms?"

"Don't worry," she said, chuckling. "You can see them again in a thousand years."

And she lit her horn.

"Wait for me, sweetie!"

Flashy Glasses laughed as she chased her fiancee from cloud to cloud high above Cloudsdale. She had never been one for fast flight, and nether was Swishy Topknot, but together, the two introverted ponies could have conquered the world. They gave each other the strength they needed to be the ponies they truly were, deep inside.

"Think you can catch me, future Mrs. Shy?" he laughed, turning over on his back. His mustache and long, turquoise dreadlocks flowed in the breeze as his wings plowed the air below hm.

Flashy adjusted her flower crown and, tongue sticking out the side of her mouth, put on an extra burst of speed. "I think I can, future Mr. Shy!"

Early in their relationship, they had latched onto the similarity in their names: the letters s-h-y. It was their own private joke that one day, they would share "Shy" as a last name.

They were kind of disgustingly cute and saccharine like that.

They were also being watched, unbeknownst to them. Add "careless" to the stack of things which described their state, as well.

Because, in flying on his back, the future Mr. Shy had left a very important and, shall we say, vulnerable part of his anatomy open for all and sundry to gaze upon.

"RAIDAH KIKKU!"

And sundry indeed was the armored pony who rocketed from a nearby cloud, hoof aimed straight for Mr. Shy's junk.

The air whistled past her helmet as she plummeted through the sky like a bomb loosed above a sleepy seaside town. The happy couple laughed and played together, entirely oblivious to the Sword of Damocles hanging above them.

Starlight's armor screamed against the air pressure. Mr. Shy's ghoulies lay, helpless and unaware, bringing thoughts of nookie to Ms. Shy.

The hoof drew inexorably closer to its target.

Fifty hooflengths.

Twenty.

Ten.

Somewhere in the back of Starlight's mind, an unborn Fluttershy cried out for her own existence. Too late; the price was too high.

"RAIDAH KIKKU!"

Starlight was knocked off course as something large and red collided with her. She went shrieking through three clouds in a row, finally catching the attention of the would-be Shys, who startled, screamed and hugged each other close.

Starlight bounced off the cloud surface, rolling until she was able to catch herself with her forehooves. Her rear legs dangled over the edge as she screeched to a halt.

Lungs heaving, she glanced up to see what had attacked her.

Hovering a few dozen hooflengths away was another armored pony. This one wore red and yellow, instead of her own grey with pink. The second pony had a spinny neck thing similar to her own, only its display read "GEIZ". Whoever they were, Starlight could tell their gaze was filled with nothing but condescension.

Starlight got to her hooves. "What's the meaning of this?" she growled.

"You have gone too far, Essu-Zi," sad the other pony. A mechanical modulator garbled the pony's voice to unidentifiability. "If you won't stop yourself from destroying the timeline, then I will."

On the one hoof, Starlight had to agree. Maybe she had gone a little too far, this time. She'd left quite the trail of destruction behind her, after all.

On the other hoof, she was Starlight "Goddamn" Glimmer. And nopony, but nopony, told Starlight Glimmer what to do.

With a yell, she launched herself into the air at the other armored pony. They saw the attack coming but reacted too slow, taking a series of blows to the face that broke their midair stance. Instantly, the two fighters were at each other's throats, kicking and punching at blinding speed. A particularly hard strike sent Starlight flying backward.

She pulled out the dragon Ridewatch, inserted it into her Driver, and spun it.

"Dragonshy!"

The other pony pulled out their own, pink and yellow watch and inserted it in their Driver, spinning it.

"Fluttershy!"

Starlight surged forward with the might of a dragon, but a single glance from the other pony stopped her in her tracks.

She swapped the dragon watch for the Diamond one.

"Tiara!"

Exerting her will, she pushed back against the Stare that held her at bay. But the other Rider pulled out an orange watch with an image of three ponies on it.

"Crusaders!"

Suddenly, Starlight found herself surrounded by three opponents. Try as she might to control one of them, the others would surge in and double-team her.

"Two can play at this game," she said, pulling out another watch.

"Wonderbolts!" said her Driver.

Starlight grinned to herself as she split in three, gaining the upper hoof at least. The power of three full-grown pegasi was more than a match for three fillies. But her opponent had one more trick -- and watch -- up their sleeve.

"Dash!"

The three Riders merged back into one, who turned into a blue-and-rainbow blur. Despite the high speed her own Ridewatch granted her, the effort needed to keep her three selves organized was too much. She couldn't muster the reflexes to react to the light-speed attacks thrown at her.

In a trice, two of her clones exploded. The blue Rider appeared before her, cocking its head to the side.

"Tch."

A single hoof strike shattered Starlight's helmet, and the rest of her armor evaporated off of her as she fell through the sky.

"You haven't heard the last of me!" she shouted, though the wind stole the words from even her ears. She winked out of existence. The other Rider vanished moments later.

The two Shies, still embracing tightly, looked at each other, panic written across their faces.

"When we get home, we are having so much nookie."

"Oh, Celestia, yes."

Later, they would agree that "Fluttershy" sounded like a good name for a filly.

101. Starlight fixes Princess Spike

"Oh no! Are those dragon-sneeze trees?" Spike said as he noticed the trees that were being (loudly) cut down

"Uh, these are too top-heavy," said the pegasus gardener "Wouldn't take much to bring these beauties down"

"Can you just wait a few hours?"

"Sorry, it's a public hazard. I've got my orders" replied the gardener

"Well, I've got my orders too, from Princess Twi-"

"Actually, you don't." said a purple pony joining the conversation "And, bless you"

Spike sneezed at that moment. "What are you talking about?" he said

"Your orders are to make sure Twilight doesn't get bothered while sleeping, but this is too far away for Twilight to hear! And trust me, you don't want to wait a few hours for these trees to be taken down"

"Huh, I guess you're ri...ri...AH-CHOO"

"So," said the pegasus gardener "should I stop or..."

"No...finish it...as soon as possible..." replied Spike, still sniffing. "Thanks for the advice"

"Oh, and don't worry about the water main", said Starlight

"What water ma-" Spike was interrupted by a vibration in the street...Except he noticed there wasn't any sound, there was just a pony fixing a leak with a jackhammer.

Inside a teal force field.

"Just an old trick I learned", said Starlight, teleporting herself right after that.

"Huh, guess that fixes it" Spike shrugged, and went back to the castle.

"Oh no! I need an answer, but Twilight can't even think straight!" Spike said to himself, "Oh gosh, what am I supposed to do!?"

"Cadance"

Spike turned to see the same purple pony as before, sitting in one of the chairs in the room.

"Just send them to Cadance. In fact, send everyone to Princess Cadance"

"But what if they-"

"Send. Them. To. Cadance"

Spike shrugged and walked out of the room to see the two impatient delegates

"Well? What did she say?" one of the delegates asked Spike

"Um...Princess Twilight wants you to...to...go to Princess Cadance?"

There was a small silence.

"Well, if that's what she wants," said the other delegate, and both of them walked down the tower.

Can you believe it?, thought Spike, These ponies would believe anything if they think Princess Twilight says it... Maybe if I...

"Don't even think about it" Starlight said

"Wait, how did you-"

"I know you want to help Twilight, but taking decisions for her is wrong. And you are just going to get carried away and ruin everything if you do that" continued Starlight

"I- what?"

"Just stay here and send everyone to Cadance, okay?" And just like before, Starlight teleported again, just when a bunch of angry ponies were trotting up the stairs of the tower.

"Now!" said Spike, slightly louder to get their attention "By orders of Princess Twilight, any problem you might be having must be redirected to Princess Cadance"

And just like that, the delegates went away, Twilight woke up in time and the rest of the summit went without problems...

Except maybe for that one Public Works pony who was trapped in a powerful force field for the rest of the day.

The end :p

So...this is the first pony fic I've written in English (actually, it's the first pony fic I've ever written... :p). I'm surprised myself
Hope it's okay! :3