Lol Since I got off work early today... I figured I could read another story and work on a review for it! Hope you all don't mind. So the story I'm about to review is a Star Trek crossover... I'm reviewing it because the author must feel like it belongs in the sad folder... if it belongs in the sad folder it belongs to me

NO BETTER TIME LIKE REVIEW TIME. For this one I'm gonna have Fluttershy guest star with me. Yay

Across the Stars

By Thrawn1800

There has got to be a way to make these pictures smaller.

Onboard the starship Voyager, an unexpected series of events is taking place. They're centered around one Ensign. Orion has a secret, and now he's going to tell it.

The description. I'm already pretty interested since its Star Trek! The neighs of the many, out weigh the neighs of the few. HA! Good one Flutters! *hoofbump* Let us continue.

Chapter 1: Blood and Tears

A field of black. Strewn across it, as innumerable as the sand on a beach, stars. The stars are of all colors and sizes, reduced to pinpricks by their immense distance. Amidst this display, a starship glided along, its engines are humming a low and subtle song. Its prow extends forward, ovaline in shape. Behind this, rectangular nacelles extend on short pylons from the lower section of the ship. Its shield generator glowed soft blue. On the front of the ship, bright lights proudly display its name.

Bad f****** ass!

Orion ignored him, instead curling up on the floor and sobbing loudly. His body shook from his misery, his breaths coming in sharp gasps. He ran frustrated hooves through his grey mane. His pain became so great, he put his foreleg on his mouth. Somehow, it made its way in, and he bit down. Hard. And momentarily, the physical pain overcame the mental. He could taste the iron of his blood, but he didn’t release his hold. The pain in his heart resurged. Why?

Wait... What?! Oh my!

“I’m finally going to do it!” said Orion, straightening his uniform and stepping out of his quarters. “I’m going to tell the most beautiful pony in the universe that I love them!”

Awh yay! That's nice
And to avoid spoilers I will begin the next chapter. Deal with it.

Chapter 2: Revealing the Heart

“Neelix to Sickbay.” said Neelix, still standing over Orion. “Something seems to be wrong with Ensign Orion.”
“Could you be more specific?” came the Doctor’s voice from Neelix’s combadge.
Neelix looked down at Orion, who was still biting his own leg.
“Well, he’s biting his leg. It’s bleeding.”
“Did you ask why?”
“Yes, but he won’t talk to me.”
“Could someone else try?”

This whole conversation

Shortly, they were joined by the EMH, known simply as ‘Doctor’ or ‘The Doctor’. He set down his medical kit, leaning down next to Orion.

Is this a Crossover within a crossover? Crossoverception?

Ugh I don't want to give anything away! Next chapter

Chapter 3: Shattered

Then ---- turned and left, leaving Orion’s heart to shatter.

Awh man... Fluttershy. Do the thing YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE HIM!

The Doctor led them into his office. Using his display, he brought up all records available on Orion.
“Interesting. Your previous first officer noted that he planned on recommending him for the Enterprise.”

HOLY FRIENDSHIP! JAMES TIBERIUS COLT? (Hehe... see what I did there? )

“Yes.” she said, turning back to the exit. “See you at 1800 hours, my quarters.”
“Yes Captain.” he said. “I’ll be there. Thank you.”

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Ok so the story isn't too long and I don't wanna be a spoily spoiler guy. So I shall now get to the more serious part and do the review! Good, cause your commentary wasn't the funnest thing ever.

Whatever Flutters.

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Sorry... I kinda was in a goofy mood. But the review will be serious.

REVIEW.

FEELS METER
I'm gonna be honest here, The type of ship (romantic connection, not starship) You were starting with... Didn't really make me feel sad or anything. But since I see potential in this story I'm gonna leave this open. Depending on how you write from here on out will determine how sad it can get... so I'll be a ? out of 10 for now

MOOD
Ok so the mood starts off with a kinda mysterious "Space the final frontier" moment, which got me really pumped, then the story goes to Stallion Orion on-board the voyager. Who is kinda freaking out and seems to possibly be having some sort of panic attack (If you read the story you kinda understand why,) Orion begins to hurt himself and cry. So its going for the sad feels here. Then it flips to "earlier that day" Where Orion is about to reveal his big secret! Then its sad, then happy.

feeling me? Lol no It was fine, I like the present to flashback to present set up. I just feel the transition between the happy and sad feels was a little Rushed... Orion at one moment was like absolutely devastated and depressed, then the next moment he's like "well it hurts, but It's ok!" I think the author could have slowed it down a little...

maybe have Orion explain how his affection started for the pony he loves? He could have shown more concern about how their friendship will be now? I think things like this would've helped Orion's character flourish and we could have gotten a better idea of who he is. I'm in no way telling the author how to write his story... just giving some friendly suggestions I think might help... The title was across the stars, but they only traveled across the ship! I wanna see some more

GRAMMAR
The grammar was nearly flawless. I noticed in a scene or two that when there are more then one pony in the room it was hard to follow who exactly was speaking with Orion. if I'm not mistaken there was the doctor, janeway, Seven, Chakotay and the captain together with Orion and the author didn't always specify who was talking so I'd have to kinda assume who was speaking unless it was obvious or the author specifically says "The Doctor said" every time. Otherwise it was perfect. 4 out of 5

STYLE
Like I said previously I liked the idea of the sections of the chapter being in the present, and then other parts in the past. It kept me interested in reading! I just think if the author slowed down and developed some more of the characters it would've been really cool! Things like even knowing everyponies cutie mark would've developed the characters a little more!

I hope you continue to work on this. Adding more character development, and expanding on the actually space ship and history of ponies at this point would really make this story flourish!

I think the concept has SO much potential. I mean its Star Trek! There could be space battles, and aliens and of course the romance, comedy, darkness. The whole thing! I will like and favorite, and I hope at some point you continue to work on this. I'm not a huge Crossover fan but so far I do wanna see more!

7 out of 10 as of now. With an I ENJOYED IT Rating...
I recommend this to any Star Trek fans, I'm confident this story can really take off from here.

I really hope my review didn't offend you in anyway Thrawn, just want to help!

Enterprise? Beam me up... Enterprise?! PINKIE!!!!!

I'm not insulted. I wasn't trying my hardest on this one. But now that I've read this, I see more potential than I thought it had. I'm going to work on it.

2701426 Why are all the ponies in the last image from engineering, save for Pinkie pie (Pinkard? ) I mean, where's Ryker? I WANT RYKER even though Q is best character

2701707 Yay! I'm glad, I'll be keeping an eye out for it!

2701875 Pinkard?! LOOOOOOOOOOL! I know where is some kind of weird Discord/Q person!

2701942

2702248 Oh lordy