Show MUST Go On!
By Wave Blaster

Reviewed by Rinnaul

A… review? Fanfiction reviews?

I… I have a vague recollection.

I think I did reviews once. It’s been so long, though… How long has it been since I even read the story?

I don’t know if I can help you. I think that time… it may be past. Can I even review anymore? Could something reignite that spark?

Wait, this fanart…

I think…

Yes, by the light of suggestive fanart, it has come back to me!

I’m ready, fanfiction! I have a pile of fanart and memes to throw at you, and with them I can handle anything you can dish out!

What’s that?

Sad Trixie backstory?

...motherfucker.

Quick Recommendation: If you just want some generic sad Trixie backstory, this will deliver, despite some issues with the writing. If you want the story to really rise above that at all, there’s not much for you here.

We don’t require our reviewers to read the entire story, sometimes. Usually this comes into play on longer fics, where we just read the first 10,000 words. Some complain about this policy, but if you ever get into professional writing like Asilin or myself, pre-readers and reviewers will generally give you half that, at best.

That wasn’t actually a problem here, though. For one thing, it clocks in at just under 4,000 words. For another, I’ve read it in full three times.

Is it just that good? That controversial? That difficult to judge?

No. I just sit down to read it and start the review, then don’t get around to actually doing the review. By the time I come back to it, like two months later, I’ve forgotten it entirely.

...Not really a good sign, that.

But the one thing that’s thrown me every time is the title. The phrase usually goes “The Show Must Go On”, and that missing word just makes it look so weird.

Anyway, we open with a script-style declaration of scene, and then the narrative directly addresses the reader while further setting the scene. These are both stylistic choices that can work well in some situations, but I don’t think they really add anything here. The narrative voice is pretty heavy-handed as well, and the prose grows rather purple at times, a tendency that continues into the description of Trixie. I’ll admit that I have no personal objections to describing Trixie as a very sexy pony…

…But I don’t think it works here. The only purpose I can see it serving is highlighting her squandered potential, but the flippant tone doesn’t mesh well with the rest of the narrative, and it doesn’t seem to really come up again.

Some phrases, like “In a better day”, read awkwardly, and I’m getting the impression English may not be the author’s first language. Let me just go check and — fuck.

I just broke my Rainbow Dash pin. First Derpy, now Dash. If Pinkie is next, I give up. What kind of Brony am I without any waifu pins?

Anyway, yeah, looks like Wave Blaster is from Chile, so likely English isn’t his default. You’re going to want to look for a good editor who can catch the kinds of grammar and construction problems that arise from writing in your non-native language.

The writing is a little repetitive, too. Using the same phrase over and over, particularly in a list, can be a very strong method for setting up contrasts and highlighting differences, but when it’s not serving to reveal anything to the reader, it’s just distracting, and best avoided. I’m also seeing some unnecessary wordiness in places, though this is the one that caught my attention:

"Suit yourself." The stranger replies. "I could use some company after all." Her voice is from a mare.

This would be more cleanly written as "Suit yourself." The stranger replies with a mare’s voice. "I could use some company after all."

Or maybe "Suit yourself." The stranger replies — a mare’s voice. "I could use some company after all." if you wanted to highlight the reveal.

But even then, shouldn’t Trixie know it’s a mare by her appearance, without needing to hear her voice? Just a thought.

On to chapter two, I see a few typos, but nothing really major. More importantly, we’re getting into the meat of the Sad Backstory Fic: the Sad Flashbacks. And while the cliche really doesn’t help anything, the bigger problem in the second chapter is that the story tries something really ambitious with its structure, but falls short.

The use of the refrain symbols and repetition of the opening words is meant to tie all the flashbacks together into a cohesive whole, but the problem is the story doesn’t have the rhythm to do that. Part of that is the language issue — sorry, Wave, but you’re bordering on poetic prose with this gimmick, and you’ll need to either become much for fluent in English or collaborate with someone who already is to make this work. But part of it is also just a matter of pacing. The flashbacks are all different lengths and covering different spans of time. They really need to all be near-equal for the “refrain” idea to sound right, and it would be best to tend towards shorter ones, as well. As it stands, the repetition gets tedious by the third time we see it.

Also, strictly speaking, this is no longer canon because the comics feature Trixie’s mom walking her to school. But if a fic failing to keep canon — particularly comics canon — is a strike against it for you, you have become one of those fans. You’re on the same level as the ones that spam suggestive Pony art all over the pace.

Anyway, a few bits of it are hard to follow; case in point:

After the show, Hope went to sleep. If rumors are true, in the way between the Royal Gardens where she performed and the hotel where she was sleeping, she met a pony.

…but that probably comes down to language barrier again.

The bigger problem is that this is all just so overdone. I mean, sure, maybe nobody has given Trixie a mother named Hope who Trixie is always trying to live up to before, but once you leave out the basic details, this version of Trixie is just another Sympathy Sue. Orphaned, unloved despite having the most wonderful personality, struggling despite having the most amazing skills.

So it was less understandable how her attitude became so aggressive towards the world. How willpower became sloth. How self-improvement gave way to arrogance. Maybe it was how she was raised, always an outsider. Maybe it was the lack of an actual family till adulthood.

And here’s the weak point at the core of the story problems. Beyond this, pretty much anything is mechanical and up to an editor to resolve. But right here… Trixie has pretty much everything she wanted. And then she turns into a bitch. For… reasons.

We need the motivation here. We have to understand what turned her from her original path. Otherwise we can’t sympathize beyond “This pony had a sad life. That is sad.” More importantly, though, that turning point should be the climax of the story. We should discover something new there. With its absence, the fic as a whole winds up being rather empty.

I should note, this actually makes me a bit of a hypocrite for a few earlier remarks, because I, too, have a sad Trixie backstory, though mine remains headcanon because I’m terrible at actually following through on my projects. The key difference, though, is that my entire story, my entire headcanon, is built around that “Why” that this story shrugged off.

I’m just throwing this in here because this is what inspired mine.

The one last plot issue I have is that I just can’t see Trixie going from one of the greatest acts in the land to less than dirt after just one incident. It doesn’t make sense. But that’s more a problem of how successful she was rather than how low she fell.

The last chapter is only just over 500 words, and is really little more than a quick wrap-up. There are a bunch of OCs and references, and Lightning Dust, who authors love to shove into Trixie stories because they’re both foils to main characters, and it’s basically just everyone cheering her up and encouraging her, and that’s what she needed to take the first steps towards improving herself.

Which is… well, pretty cheap, to be honest. I mean, it’s a nice sentiment, and a fair enough conclusion, but it really needs more to drive it. If an hour of pep talk was all she was missing, it makes it feel like her problems weren’t really all that difficult, after all.

And one last thing.

This fic represents my personal motto: Never surrender, never give up, stop if necessary but never go back. At the end, everything will be alright, because if it's not alright, then is not the end.

Watch Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann.

After this show, any motivational speech you hear for the rest of your life will become redundant.

Oh, wait, actually one more thing.

Random sexy ponygirl

Okay, now we can proceed to the wrap-up.

The biggest thing is going to be to find a good editor, or seek out help from one of the editing groups. I haven’t looked, but with how big the site is, there might even be one dedicated to those who don’t speak English as a first language.

You might make the use of repetition work in other cases, but here it doesn’t. The iterations are a bit too spread out, and the story doesn’t flow quite well enough to support it.

Don’t pass up on plot opportunities, particularly when they involve getting into the character’s head. Character development is inherently more interesting than info-dumping.

While ending on a positive note like that is fine, you let Trixie recover her self-confidence much too easily, which cheapens her struggle. Something really needs to happen to bring about the change.

Finally, watch Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann.

While this may be the lowest score we give out, it shouldn’t be taken to mean that the fic itself is of the lowest quality. Rather, there are just many places it could be improved, and nothing that makes me want to say “but you should read it regardless, because…” That said, overall this story:

Needs Work.

This is Kyary Pamyu Pamyu. She lives in your nightmares now.

Excellent review, and I wholeheartedly approve of the non-sequitur there at the end

When did Trixie turn into Jessica Rabbit?

Specifically, if someone is going to be Jessica Rabbit, why the hell did it have to be Trixie?

5490226 Because Trixie is awesome. :D

Anyway... I remember reading this one. I kinda gotta agree with your assessment, much as I love me a Trixie fic.

5490195

Wait, but aren't the comics non-canon? doesn't that means that not following the comics doesn't cause any problem at all?

Also, this story (made two years ago in 2014) has a sequel, perhaps it's better now.

5490195

The fact that nobody has made an obvious post disturbs me.

5490195
Hey there!

Yeah, I wasn't expecting more than that. Just a plain "so okay, it's average" reaction was probably my highest expectation. As I warned you, this one was written in one single seat, not in my most sane moment. To sum it all in one phrase, let's call it an unholy combination of Frank Miller, García Marquez and two or three days of sleeplessness. I bet some things are starting to make sense now.

Still, congratulations. This was a nice review from your part. Explanatory, straightforward and had good arguments. Sorry I couldn't bring a more interesting story for you to read, but I picked the most personal one so I could get a more clean diagnosis on my raw style. I offer this work of mine, which is probably my personal magnum opus, hoping it makes up for the uninteresting sight of the reviewed one.

Also, sorry for not giving a full reply. Due to some sickness and a tonload of university work for good measure, I can reply to the last part.

The biggest thing is going to be to find a good editor, or seek out help from one of the editing groups. I haven’t looked, but with how big the site is, there might even be one dedicated to those who don’t speak English as a first language.

You're totally right. Even if I was english-speaker, a second opinion is always important to keep things understandable.

Thankfully, some months after this I met Nightwalker, one of the best goddamn editors in this site. He first helped my with My Deadly Shot by clearing up the phrasing and fixing a quite good amount of plot-holes. Then, we got to work together on Actually, I'm Dead, which has become my greatest achievement on the site so far (featured and a TV Tropes page).

You might make the use of repetition work in other cases, but here it doesn’t. The iterations are a bit too spread out, and the story doesn’t flow quite well enough to support it.

As said before, this was made in a time I had a lot of admiration for Frank Miller. I still respect the guy, but I do realized that Frank Miller's style only works for Frank Miller's type of stories, and this wasn't one. So, fair point again.

Don’t pass up on plot opportunities, particularly when they involve getting into the character’s head. Character development is inherently more interesting than info-dumping.

That's actually a consistent problem I have and only in recent writing I've managed to develop characters over settings. I guess it all comes down to experience. That fic was written when I had still less than a year, while now I have good three ones under my belt. But again, that story was so personal that I'm actually happy I can look back at it and be able to admit it when someone points out the problems.

While ending on a positive note like that is fine, you let Trixie recover her self-confidence much too easily, which cheapens her struggle. Something really needs to happen to bring about the change.

Yeah... okay, that wasn't the intent, but dead of the author. I do believe that wrapping it up in les than a scene was the story's biggest fault. As I said, not one of my most sane moments, and to be honest, I just wanted to make a happy ending.

Finally, watch Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann.

Mate, you don't tell a mecha fan to watch TTGL! You ask him when he first saw it.

I'm a veteran on this, pal. Mazinkaiser, Shin Getter, Grendizer, Gao Gaigar, Giant Robo, Gaiking, Jeeg, Gundam, Gunbuster, Aldnoah.Zero, God helps me, even all the Evangelions.

You say "watch Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann" as someone who adopted the GAR! buddy. Me? I was born in there, molded under the atomic fire of a photoatomic reactor. By when I first watched Saint Seiya and Dragon Ball Z, my friend, I knew the GAR! was above cosmos and ki.

5491254
To be honest, I would prefer people to read "Actually, I'm Dead" rather than "The show went on". Both techincally count as alternate to each other, but the former is more developed while the latter is pretty much a reprise of "Show MUST Go On!"

5491258
And that's the reason I didn't use the "The" to the tittle. Yes, I know the song name is "The Show Must Go On!", put when singing it, the metric only fits without it. I should probably change it anyways.

5491755

Well, at least it's a damn good song.

5491771
One of the best.

5491754

ok.