4183518
Given that it's one person whose comments are getting downvoted into oblivion, I think you're fine.

4183518 There will always be people in every aspect of life who may feel that there's something about you to dislike or even hate, no matter how you present yourself to the world. How you respond to that is entirely up to you, but from my pespective, people like your downvoter are just spreading their own self hate, so to speak. They aren't happy -- why would they choose to do that if they were? -- so their click and run behavior literally isn't worth your consideration, not if you like and want to be happy with yourself. Ignore them, and move on.

4183518

That name looks familiar of the person in question, and if it's who I am thinking of, they...have serious attitudinal issues in general. So no, I wouldn't put any stock whatsoever in what they say

4183384
Aw, man, I'm not horrendous enough. Nobody's ever told me they downvoted My Harshwhinnial because of my author bio. D:

In all seriousness though: judging yourself (and presenting yourself) based on the knee-jerk reactions of people who value Internet Points over discourse (edit: who are also self-proclaimed "f@#king c#nts") is a recipe for miserable insincerity.

This is turning out to be my most controversial fic so far! Thumb ratio is 3:1 (75%) right now, and unlike my M fic, I suspect it will remain controversial to new readers (in terms of whether they like it and by how much).

I'm guessing some ponies really do cling tightly to silly things like illusion of choice and of separation between souls.

Who knew? So silly.

there are many levels of irony in that wink

Went looking back through the reviews of dungeons and apples, and yeah, I knew that it was written in a bland manner before I started writing it and wasn't sure how to make it work in the restraints. I'm actually thinking of spicing this one up, probably from Apple Bloom's PoV to have a disconnect between her internal role-playing and her external groans of pain.

The biggest aspect I'm not sure whether or not to change is if I should leave it as a shoot the shaggy dog story or actually have her complete a dungeon. I might change the characters who play with her as well. Maybe have Twilight teach the CMC how to play.

As a side note, I haven't played D+D in 7 years, and I only played it once. I should be getting a refresher tomorrow though.

Part Three:

Starts with story #3. Uncanny!

Mike

3. "The Topiary Garden" - I like this one so much because it does a much better job addressing the whole Princess Twilight issue than I did in a story I put together a couple months ago that I'm still trying to fix. It's got a few writing hiccoughs--"She panted, out of breath" is pretty much saying the same thing twice, for instance, and I'd rather that Twilight hold off calling Firecracker "my faithful student" till just before she gently drops the hammer on her at the end. But that's minor stuff.

8. "Opportunity in the Community" - As interesting a character as she is, I keep managing to forget about the chimera. My only comment here is that I can't believe Flim and Flam wouldn't see this as a potentially lucrative market/partnership. I mean, the testimonials she could provide! Not to mention the little extra muscle should the crowd turn ugly! To me, this looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship, and yet the lads are turning away at the end? Still, a fine, fun story.

13. "It's a Fine Line" - I'll just repeat my comment from earlier and say that I'd prefer for Aloe and Lotus to continue with their work almost immediately after they freeze. They are professionals, after all.

18. "In the Fields" - This was my favorite of the various "dead Apple parents" story this round because it approaches the subject sideways rather than head-on. I'm a sucker for sweet little scenes that turn out at the end to be about a great deal more than they first appear, and this one does that quite well.

23. "The Laughter I Choose to Be" - It's always nice to come across a changeling story now and again, and this one worked for me. I especially like how the opening reminiscence takes on a whole new meaning after the story reaches its finish. 'Cause that's what changeling stories should do!

28. "Back On That Horse" - Ah, the voice of experience. I love Scootaloo's hesitation in the line "If it's okay with you, I kind of...Don't want to get hurt like that"--though "don't" shouldn't be capitalized--and Dash's assurance that she won't as long as Dash is there.

33. "Hometown Support" - My only problem with this story is the first paragraph. We're told the station is deserted, then suddenly there's a conductor, then two crows, and then our five heroines. Awful crowded for a place that's deserted. I'm all for puns, through, so the rest of the story was quite fine.

4185048
One reason it's probably controversial is that your tagging doesn't indicate how dark it is. A lot of people probably aren't getting what they expect based on the tags.

4185826
I am mulling addition of a Dark tag to it, and I've responded on the story thread. However, I'm not certain whether I want to frame it as Dark for the reader when not all readers will see it that way. I certainly wouldn't add a tag just to improve the story's rating. But the Dark tag may be warranted for fairness. I want to absorb some comments and think about it before making a decision.

4183269

Quickly, because I don’t have much time: you can intellectually try to envision yourself as another person. But it stays at an intellectual, cognitive level. I think you cannot exactly understand what another person feels, because, well, we talk about feelings, and feelings are only imperfectly conveyed by words. You can describe feelings, but feelings are not words. Feelings are un-speakable, thus private.

This is a common human trait known as empathy, and people who are deficient in it have a difficult time interacting with other people because knowing how other people feel is a very useful skill when you're interacting with other people. It is actually generally easier to figure out how someone is feeling than understanding why they're feeling that way. I'm confused that you think this is difficult; empathy and compassion (which is literally feeling how someone else feels) are really important human characteristics.

I also disagree that feelings are imperfectly conveyed by words any more than anything else; we have words like anger, rage, livid, sorrow, depression, sadness, melancholy, bittersweet, longing, ect. precisely in order to convey our emotions. Frankly, people are much better at conveying emotions than thought patterns; how people feel is much easier to suss out than how they think. I mean, people haven't figured out creativity at all; we don't really understand how it works on any sort of real level, even how it works, whereas anger is much better understood. It is pretty easy to manipulate people into being angry, and people can also defuse anger, or control their tempers.

4185913
The purpose of tagging stories is to help readers find stories which they'll enjoy. It sometimes runs into the problem where it is something of a spoiler to tag a story in a certain way (Dark, Sad, and Tragedy all imply certain things about the story therein) but... well, the alternative is people spending time reading stories that they aren't particularly interested in.

4186744
4185826
The problem is that most of my readers don't think it merits a Dark tag, judging both by private conversations and the fact that four of five people who responded to my blog question "is this Dark" said "no"; yet, those who do find it dark see it as the most horrifically dark story ever, and cannot fathom how others would possibly disagree.

This would all be perfectly fine, were it not for the depth of the horror and revulsion many of my readers are experiencing. Some readers have suggested I should die or be put in jail; one openly called for a boycott on anything I write because I need to be stopped at all costs; a few insist that I am the true villain of the story; and one suggested I am more of a monster than Tirek. At least one author whom I deeply respect said they were scared of anyone (including me, from context) who doesn't think Twilight's choice was morally wrong.

For the record, I'd say her choice was "ethically problematic" at best, and I don't know that I would make the same choice personally; but I don't think the alternatives were ethical either, and this is what makes the story interesting. (I prefer using the word "ethical" to the word "moral" because the latter term almost always refers to subjective values or rules, often religious in nature.)

Neither Axis of Rotation (who preread the story) or I foresaw any of this happening. We both knew there would be controversy, but nowhere near this extreme.

Even though the discussions I've had in private and on my blog suggest most ponies don't find the story to be dark, I think I will have to add a Dark tag because most ponies who are disturbed by it are extremely disturbed. I'll need to mention something in the infobox to qualify the tag, however.

4187148

I'll need to mention something in the infobox to qualify the tag, however.

That's a reasonable solution to me.

4187183
Nope. Don't worry, your votes are in the system. But you can adjust them until the last minute if you want.

Part 4 means:

We're just days away from the final results! So get your votes in, folks!

Mike

4. "Mondays" - I'll just repeat my earlier comment here about the line "Her day had not improved from when she had woken up." We've already had this shown to us quite nicely, so unless you want to really hang a lampshade on it--as I understand the kids are calling it these days--by saying something like, "Needless to say, her day had not improved...", I'd just say take the line out. But other than that, I got nothing.

9. "Granny Knows Best" - Another of my favorites this time around, it's got so many wonderful little details for such a short piece. That last line makes me wonder where Pinkie would have tasted chicken before this, but I feel fairly certain that "chicken licking" is an ancient and venerable pastime amongst the rock farmers of Equestria.

14. "Scootaloo, M.D." - This strikes me as more scene than story, but it's such a fine scene with the characters so perfectly voiced, I have no problems with it whatsoever.

19. "I Will Learn" - "one particular hut burned warm and fierce" - I'm pretty sure the hut's not on fire, but that's the image these words are giving me. "A zebra, sand-layered saddlebags dangling from his sides and a spear strapped to his back." - this isn't actually a sentence: I'd recommend putting a colon at the end of the previous sentence and attaching this clause to it that way. "with what looked like provisions" - when you expand this for posting on FimFiction, please use specifics here and show me the canteen, map, eggplant jerky, et cetera spread out over the table. "The force in which Zecora spun" - "with which" would be better. "her irises glimmered with raw ferocity; nearly knocking Makonnen off his hooves." - semi-colons only get used when they've got complete sentences on both sides of 'em. There are other issues of grammar and punctuation, but this is still a nice little scene.

24. "Light and Dark" - As I said in my earlier comment, I really like the image of the pre-Nightmare Moon Luna as something of a Borgia. Good stuff here.

29. "The Problem with Prokaryotes" - "from the corner of her," needs an "eye" before that comma. "what details of our immune system" - "the details of our immune system" maybe? "Do you think she stops so ponies ask her questions so she feels smarter?" - I'm not exactly sure what this is supposed to be saying... There could be something fun in this idea, but I'd prefer taking things even farther. Maybe get all three of the CMC involved in the fight against bacteria and have buckets of flaming tree sap be integral to the process. Something like that at any rate...

34. "Intention" - I like Dash's discomfort and her non-advice, but I don't follow the ending. Scootaloo just seems to feel better all of a sudden, and I'm not sure why. I think I'd need more of Scootaloo's internal thoughts to get this one to work for me.

4188644
Long, terrible, dark days of people babbling about whatever is on their minds. D:

4188716 I think we're all fairly ready for the results at this point.

If I'm not in the finals, do I still need to vote? Or will I be barred from receiving my scores if I don't?

4189451
Nope, you don't have to vote.

Though I managed to go through and vote like 20 stories in about 30 minutes, because when you don't have to write reviews it's not too hard to dash off and vote through everything.

And all mine are in. I normalized so everything from 1-10 has either 3 or 4 stories at that rank.

Trixie's Finalist Reviews (1 of 3)!

I Shall Please
Although this story lacks the wow-factor of something original or unexpected, it was perfectly written and the characterizations were just incredible. I saw and felt many things that weren't explicitly described, which is a testament to your talent with the written word. These characters, especially Silver Shill, felt more real to me than they ever had before I read this story. In fact, the story made Silver Shill seem realistic to me even though the show made him seem like a simple contrivance. You actually improved the episode, author. Splendid work.

Laughter Is The Second Best Medicine (sic(k))
This story was touching and well-written, but unfortunately I found the gross descriptions to be absolutely revolting. Everything else in the story worked for me (I love "Fuchsiafun help Purplesmart", even when authors accidentally get it backwards). I realize my lack of attraction to gory animal wastes and filth is a pet peeve of mine, and it's not even all bodily excrement that bothers me: I can handle saliva and urine just fine, in some contexts semen and other sexual fluids , and if done politely enough, even vomit. But gratuitous mucus or feces is where my stomach draws the line and I am no longer able to enjoy the experience. I just cannot find any humor in the revolting visuals I get from reading a fic like this. It might be an imagination thing: Family Guy doesn't bother me at all, but written words like these are every bit as vivid to me as the real thing. No.

The Topiary Garden
"Firecracker petered out..." I see what you did there. I liked this fic very much, and find it highly realistic. I'd like to see more of Twilight's feelings and thoughts about the past, however. The important part of the story seemed rushed to me, but I have no doubt added length will fix. This is a fic original enough not to lean on the "woe is me I'm immortal" trope, and it shines for that. It just needs more insight into Purplesmart. I want to see a little more clearly that she can reminisce, and loves her past friends as much as her present ones. It simply no longer hurts her terribly to do so. At present it feels just a little bit too, "Eh, I remember those guys, whatever," and I'd like the underlying concept to stand out so much it leaves no room for doubt.

Mondays
I'm a teacher, and this story made me cry tears of joy. I totally did not see it coming. It's a perfect story, and you are a beautiful person.

The Poetry of Politics
This story touched me, and read a bit like poetry itself. I like the exploration of theme of cutie mark magic (yay Season 5). I have no suggestions.

First, Last, and Always
This was a story on the same theme as my failed experimental narrative, so I hope I did not judge it more harshly on those grounds. I penalized it for blatant use of the n****t word where it didn't fit well. Meta like this is not funny, and even if it were, that brand of humor has no business in a fic this sad and serious. Knowing the reference was intentional left me unable to get visions of shit and crusty oozing phlegm out of my mind, and I literally had to stop reading fics that evening. Anyway, I think "knew better to complain" needs a "than", and "...though perhaps a bit more worn..." is unrealistically weakened by its maybe-modifiers. Canonically, Aunt and Uncle Orange might attend the funeral, but I can't see them setting hoof in the Apple family home. The story was colorful and evocative, but I didn't hear the dialogue in AJ and Mac's voices (e.g. "yeah" instead of "eeyup"). But the biggest problem by leaps and bounds is that the story lacked enough focus. It spends too many precious words talking about mundane things and conversations, about where Granny is, what the house looks like, what's for breakfast, and the relatives. While this makes the story seem real, it detracts from the purpose of the tale. A lot of that space could (and should) be describing what matters: the baby, the foals, their expressions, the helplessness, the commitment, and the love. This could be a great story, but it needs to be sharper.

Granny Knows Best
Here is a fic that has Pinkie Pie with a cold, and pulls no punches about describing her illness in cruel detail without being nauseating to read! Fancy that. It's also expertly written, with great insight into the Pinkie Pie and her past. It was painful, and I connected with it. I strongly suspected bookplayer right up until the Bad Horse ending, so I don't have a clue who wrote this story. The ending seems out of character for what I'd expect of Granny (even though horses do, in fact, eat meat), and it doesn't make any sense to me. The main problem is that the story cuts out so sharply I'm left wondering what the point of the ending was at all. Am I supposed to laugh, or am I supposed to be horrified? What am I supposed to assume happens next? Does Pinkie Pie laugh, and if so, why? Does she vomit? I don't have enough information to know what message the author is trying to send. I was even more confused by this plot hole: if ponies don't eat meat very often, how would Pinkie Pie know what bits of cooked chicken look like in the first place? Despite these issues, I absolutely fell in love with the writing and scene-setting, especially the Pinkie-style musing at the beginning (and the suicidality which hit me pretty hard emotionally). If you can make the ending make sense, this is pure gold.

Lament
This is great po-e-try, and bold; but not "snobbish" enough in rhyme (or meter, if the truth be told), to be horizon's mark (this time). But brutish ears I have, which find: such verse to be my fav'rite kind. I'm not a fan of the "Luna woe is me" trope because it's very noncanon and makes no sense. Luna missed one thousand years in a heartbeat and didn't suffer at all. Princess Celestia suffered for a thousand years (and from secondary-canon of the comic series she did some crazy shit during that time because of her suffering). She's a million times worse off than her sister, psychologically speaking, yet ponies always write her like chiseled marble and Luna as being a poor waif torn apart by circumstance. Keep in mind that in the second episode of the series, Luna was welcomed by everypony with open arms. The only thing ponies had heard of her was an ancient fairy tale nopony actually believed. Nopony remembers her; all those ponies died centuries ago, as did their foals and their foals' foals. There is no calumny for her to angst about. "I've never understood your aversion to letting ponies read your drafts, Luna. It's a good way to refine your work," was a very clever meta which cut me to the quick. Be careful with an audience of authors, because that can cut both ways. Aside from all this, it was a wonderful story and beautifully written... even if you got the Princess angst backwards (as everypony seems to).

White Lies
This story makes the mistake of conflating the message about Applejack not being a substitute for a mother, and how it makes her feel to know she cannot fill her mother's shoes with the "element of Honesty" trope. AJ can tell white lies. She does it all the time on the show, and she's not a supernatural creature under a terrible curse. She's a normal pony; she just despises actual, harmful lies. She's honest, in other words. The way the story is written, readers may be confused into thinking AJ is sad just because she's unable to lie, which I'm sure is not the message you are trying to send. The thing that should keep her from "lying" isn't the Element she bears, but her inability to psychologically rise to the task of doing what her mother used to do, given the scope of her loss.

I don't really have time for reviews, but I figured I could leave a couple comments on my top and bottom five fics before it closes. So, in no particular order, my favorite five:

Good Girl - Reading 40+ stories in a row, they start feeling very samey, and this one did something really unique and unexpected. Ambition gets big points. I’m going to very strongly disagree with people who said the scene transition was too slow or unwieldy. I thought the quick, individual lines, most of them just small phrases, read very quickly and had a nice rhythm to them. I am going to agree with others that the opening is dull and the choice of character and scenario don’t make a lot of sense, though.

If You Can’t Cry - This one absolutely perfectly captures Pinkie’s character in a way that very few stories ever do, even in this group. Excellent work.

Balm - I liked this one almost solely for this passage:

“Rainbow whirled on her. “I do, Twilight. I mean it more than anything I have ever said. I’m not just fine, I’m… I’m happy. I’m happy for him, Twilight!” She was panting, she realized. Almost out of breath, but still she continued.

“I’m happy! He did his duty, and I am doing mine, and I am happy! I have never been so happy!” She clenched her eyes shut, trying to stop the hot well of tears threatening to betray her. “I am fine. I have never been… been so happy!”

Which I thought was awesome. A lot of the rest of the story is slow, too typical and ordinary. I would very strongly suggest trying to introduce more tension earlier by teasing at Dash’s conflicting emotions, a few little hints is all it would take.

4th District Court, Canterlot, 11:35 a.m. - Silly and fun, and a really awesome rhythm. A lot of stories end up reading awkward when they try to incorporate show-style songs, but the court document style actually worked really well for that.

Light and Dark - Very nice little scene, and great execution of the conflict between Luna and Celestia. It’s easy to get very melodramatic with Luna’s fall and Celestia’s reaction, but this one does a nice job staying, not exactly subtle, but grounded. Luna, especially when paired with noble at the beginning, remains sympathetic, which a lot of these pre-Nightmare Moon fics miss.

And my least favorites, still no order:

Ten Degrees - This is a decently sweet story, but it doesn’t have anything to differentiate it from any other story about a pony comforting their significant other, and there isn’t anything about Lyra or Bon Bon to distinguish them from any other couple. Also, Lyra’s constant use of saccharin nicknames was extremely irritating.

Mondays - Another sweet story, but nothing about Cheerilee’s day seemed particularly bad. Waking up late and walking in the rain are things everybody deals with. They aren’t anything more than nuisances. Without Cheerilee dealing with anything especially rough, the pay off at the end seems sort of weak and unsatisfying. If she had faced some real trouble, her students helping her through it would have had a much stronger impact for me.

The Cure for Death - I’ve seen this idea attempted a few different times, that Philomena is some close friend of Celestia’s that was once a pony. It’s admittedly a really cool idea, but I’ve never seen anyone nail the execution. This fic doesn’t have anything but the idea, and when you’re working with an idea that other people have done before, you need something more than just the idea.

The Problem with Prokaryotes - Here’s an episode of Invader Zim that did this same joke. That episode has both the time and visual elements needed to execute the joke effectively, and this fic does not. It’s not a bad joke, but a minific isn’t the right vehicle to carry it.

The Perfect Cure for the Common Cold - The cardinal sin of storytelling is being dull. Maybe it’s just because I’ve read a million shipping fics, but everything here felt too similar to a dozen other fics I’ve read--the character being out in the cold and getting sick, character who was out in the cold being comforted by her wannabe lover, Rainbow Dash acting weirdly sweet and sentimental towards Fluttershy. Nothing really wrong with any of it. It’s just all been done before. The joke at the end with Rarity and Applejack was really funny, though.

Anyway, I thought this write off had a really good turn out. Of these finalists, there's not a single fic I would say I strongly disliked or would even consider bad, and plenty of fics that were so good I started seriously questioning why I even bothered submitting one of my own. Very good work all around.

4189663
I love the difference in opinion that crops up with these. I think most of the stories I've read so far are excellent, but Mondays is by far the best one I have read so far. Balm, and Light and Dark, are close behind, but not quite at the same level for me.

(Of course, I reserve the right to completely change my mind at any time.)

4189663

The Perfect Cure for the Common Cold - The cardinal sin of storytelling is being dull. Maybe it’s just because I’ve read a million shipping fics, but everything here felt too similar to a dozen other fics I’ve read--the character being out in the cold and getting sick, character who was out in the cold being comforted by her wannabe lover, Rainbow Dash acting weirdly sweet and sentimental towards Fluttershy. Nothing really wrong with any of it. It’s just all been done before. The joke at the end with Rarity and Applejack was really funny, though.

I think this story was written around the punchline, and that's why the punchline is good and the rest of the story doesn't really stand out - they started from the end, and then figured out how they had to set it up. So you've got a bit of description at the beginning as the writer tries to set the scene, a conversation that sets up Fluttershy being cold, Rainbow Dash showing up to warm up Fluttershy, and then Rarity getting the idea from that of getting Applejack to warm her up.

One thing that might make it better is Fluttershy faking the whole thing as well (or possibly DELIBERATELY going out and freezing herself so as to have an excuse for it), and Rainbow Dash being all "Ugh, again?" and only grudgingly going along with it, like this has happened many times before, and being totally oblivious to WHY Fluttershy wants Rainbow Dash's "help" getting warmed up. I'm not sure, though. It needs to do more with the other couple, though. It could even be that they aren't even in love or whatever.

Might also work better if Twilight was the one coming along with Applejack instead of Rainbow Dash, as Twilight is more nurturing, though I think that if you're going with the more "ugh, again?" sort of response, it would work better with Rainbow Dash, as Rainbow Dash getting suckered into being a caregiver is cuter/funnier than Twilight being the same.

I suppose another possibility might be to have Spike be there with Rarity, and be complaining about how cold it is, and Rarity gives him her scarf, and then Twilight and Applejack come along and Rarity gets Twilight to take Spike home because he is freezing (and of course Spike protests that he is feeling a lot better now, honest) and then the story ends with Rarity trying to pull the same thing on Applejack. That being said, it might make the punchline a lot less punchy because the contrast wouldn't be nearly as strong there, as it would just be two characters repeating the same joke more or less (and thus the joke would be more about hypocrisy than anything else). Thus I think it isn't as good of an idea, though it is still potentially amusing.

Really, I want to see the final bit, but I think the lead-in could be spruced up.

Light and Dark - Very nice little scene, and great execution of the conflict between Luna and Celestia. It’s easy to get very melodramatic with Luna’s fall and Celestia’s reaction, but this one does a nice job staying, not exactly subtle, but grounded. Luna, especially when paired with noble at the beginning, remains sympathetic, which a lot of these pre-Nightmare Moon fics miss.

I just wanted to agree with the "sympathetic" bit here - it did a good job of making Luna simultaneously sinister and sympathetic.

The Cure for Death - I’ve seen this idea attempted a few different times, that Philomena is some close friend of Celestia’s that was once a pony. It’s admittedly a really cool idea, but I’ve never seen anyone nail the execution. This fic doesn’t have anything but the idea, and when you’re working with an idea that other people have done before, you need something more than just the idea.

I was naive to the idea beforehand, but if so, maybe looking at why the other stories that tried this failed might help point in a direction that the writer could take to spruce it up?

Just finished my votes! I might try review a few of the stories before the deadline . . . but it's unlikely I'll get them all done.

Maybe I'll just do my top and bottom five?

Anyway, for those who are interested, these are my scores:

4190176

I'm assuming the x-axis is the number of stars a story received?

4190322

Fixed.

4190376

The original reminded me of an awesome and famous troll post from World of Warcraft, copied here in its entirety:

RARE Blackwing Basin Stratigese

u need 2 open it up with 2 rogues. u put the rogues up wehere the mobs r but not 2 close, and make sure that they r stealthed too, or the mobs will attack them

when u put the rogues there u look at the mobs. r there 2 or 5 of them? heres a graff

1 2 3 4 5
rogue rogue

so the rogue left side sapps the #1 or #2 mobs maybe both if hes lucky and the right mob sapps the #4 or #5 mobhs and then u got 1 mob left and its easier 2 fite it that way cuz u can kill 1 at a time and they cant gang up on u.
example: if u fight 2 mobs its hard. but if u fight 1 mob its easy. so u fight 1 at a time until they died.

And now I'm getting us off topic. Man, these scores need to get posted.

4190176 4190322
And, somehow, this comes to mind...

Alt text: And if you labeled your axes I could tell you EXACTLY how much better.

4189640
Also, in case it wasn't clear from my review, I think White Lies is a good story! My pickiness about it indicates I like it and want it to be perfect. I forgot to say "I like this" and now I feel bad. So hopefully the author sees this thing here maybe.

4190443
You forgot to add the votey!

4190382
I don't think we can get more off-topic than we already are. Pretty sure we won't be back on topic until the results come out.

Incidentally, I was ready for the results a week ago. Two weeks is by far too long for minifics.

Also, I read that post in this voice.

4190443
Whenever I try to math on this site, I always find a way to mess it up.

But thanks for posting that. I remembered that I have a few months of xkcd comics to catch up on.

4190505

You forgot to add the votey!

I do not understand your meaning.

4190590
The alt-text associated with the comic, which is seen when you hover the cursor over the image.

Use the tag "imgalt=Alt Text Here", replacing quotes with brackets.

4190594
Wait, you guys have a Sun, too?

Pfft. Copycats.

4190621
From what I can tell, such data tags are not supported on this site, including [img=WxH] and [img width="W" height="H"] in addition to the [img alt="text"]. If you can make it work, paste an example in clear text ({braces} instead of [brackets], perhaps) and I'll add it.

4190682
Ah, you're right: the tag doesn't work. But at the very least, you could:

{alt-text: Bitch, bitch bitch.}

EDIT: Oh wait you did.

4190594 That is amazing and beautiful.

There are more photos and a video of the event from the plane here (site is French, though Google does a great job of translation for those of the non-French-speaking persuasion). The video really gives an awesome sense of what it's like to see the shadow of the moon stretching across the Earth.

Sorry to extend the off-topic, but wow. Thanks for sharing this.

4190060

One thing that might make it better is Fluttershy faking the whole thing as well (or possibly DELIBERATELY going out and freezing herself so as to have an excuse for it), and Rainbow Dash being all "Ugh, again?" and only grudgingly going along with it, like this has happened many times before, and being totally oblivious to WHY Fluttershy wants Rainbow Dash's "help" getting warmed up. I'm not sure, though. It needs to do more with the other couple, though. It could even be that they aren't even in love or whatever.

I like this idea a lot, thought it would weaken the final couple lines, as they'd be repeating the same joke. But I could easily see this working on its own with cutting the final lines. In the very least, I don't think the current set up works being as long and being played as straight as it is now. Cutting it down or silly-fying it are both good ideas.

I was naive to the idea beforehand, but if so, maybe looking at why the other stories that tried this failed might help point in a direction that the writer could take to spruce it up?

Few good ideas make good stories without good characters to carry them. The problem is lack of character. Philomena is too blank of a character here, which is a shame, because in the show she has a lot of personality--she's playful, a bit of a trickster, but still loyal and friendly--but none of that shows up here. Her relationship with Celestia is too bare, as well. All we get is that they're friends, but we don't get any tangible something to grasp onto that explains why they're so close. We need to see them together, see them interacting, see how they're relationship works.

Philomena needs character, and their relationship needs to be developed. Of course, a minific doesn't give you a lot of time to do either of those, but that makes this one ripe for an expansion.

I also think the transformation was too easy. Just a little mostly effortless spell is all it takes? My gut tells me they both need to suffer a little more to make the completed transformation more satisfying, not necessarily with physical pain, but at least in the effort required. Also, the motivation 'I want to live forever' is fine, but I think it could make for a much more interesting story if Philomena is accepting of her mortality, but Celestia transforms her into a phoenix anyway because she doesn't want Philomena to leave her. Changes Celestia from just 'altruistic, loving friend' to 'selfish, but still loving, friend,' which is a more interesting character.

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4190983

Did folks see:

Pineta's story for the occasion, "The Art of Eclipse Engineering"? Pretty darn cute!

Mike

Final group!

A lotta good stories throughout this whole contest: Bad Horse's "The Artificial Donkey" and Solitair's "Unforgettable" are the two from the prelims that leap into my mind as I'm typing, but I enjoyed large numbers of this round's entries.

Mike

5. "The Poetry of Politics" - I always like these "secret life" stories, and the idea of a cutie mark changing to reflect the bearer's life experience is quite an interesting one--brings a little "nurture" into the discussion of pony nature. I also wonder if "The Politics of Poetry" might be a better title since the Mayor's unsure if getting back into poetry will make her political career more difficult. Either way, though...

10. "Lament" - The more I read the stanzas at the beginning, the more I like them. They've got an air of antiquity to them as well as an air of the first draft labored over during long, restless hours--the inconsistent rhythms of each stanza's final lines, for instance, and the way you kinda hafta pronounce "world" with two syllables to make the second line of the last stanza scan. I also like the idea of writing getting more difficult the better a person gets at it. I'm not sure if it's true, but I like it nonetheless.

15. "A Healthy Obsession" - I commented earlier about how the line "her eyes didn’t pop open again as quickly as usual" strikes me as odd and how a line like "she made sure her eyes didn't pop open as quickly as usual" would keep things in Twilight's POV as well as giving the reader an early clue as to what's going on. I was also kinda rooting for Night Light to be waiting outside Twilight's door when she goes running out just to force her to go off and have a good time with her family, but that's just the sorta person I am, I guess.

20. "Good Girl" - When Applejack offers Dash "a place to crash," I was hoping for a reaction from somepony--Applejack wincing and adding "you know what I mean" or Dash giving her a half-lidded look or something. But this one goes dark so well, the choppy sentences drawing the reader in bit by horrible bit. Nicely done.

25. "One Untended and Apart" - And speaking of dark... I was gonna voice my one complaint--that Antonovka isn't a very Pony name--till I saw someone here refer to it as a type of apple grown in eastern Europe and Russia. And then I liked the story even more. One thing, though: "her burning bowls" should probably be "bowels" unless Pony biology is even odder than I've often thought.

30. "The Cure for Death" - I've never come across a story using this concept before, so it was fresh to me and made for an enjoyable piece. "laid in front of her" should be "lay in front of her," though, and I'd like more feeling from Celestia, more inner reflection on how this one pony's death is hitting her harder than all the other pony deaths she's witnessed. Maybe give us something about how many late nights Celestia has spent researching ways to save her friend's life and how guilty Celestia feels. Stuff like that.

35. "Ten Degrees" - I made my comments earlier--Lyra first hears Bon Bon's sniffle "from the direction of the bedroom," but then she finds her in the living room, and "the two of them laid on that sofa" should be "the two of them lay on that sofa." But other than that, I got nothing but warm and happy fuzzies from this one.

4191237 I hadn't until now. Thanks! That was very sweet.

4190983

We happen to live at the unique time in Earth’s history where the apparent diameters of the Sun and the Moon are perfectly equal. Isn’t that a wonderful coincidence?

That has always fascinated me, that we live at exactly the right time in our history and the history of the world for this coincidence to occur.

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The human soul is unfathomable.

We happen to live at the unique time in Earth’s history where the apparent diameters of the Sun and the Moon are perfectly equal. Isn’t that a wonderful coincidence?

...but, that's still perfectly okay.

4191385

But even the couple Earth:Moon is unique in the Solar system.

It is, and it's a huge aberration readily caused only by the manner in which it formed: a collision between two planets (in our case, Protoearth and Theia, the latter a trojan planet formed at one of the unstable lagrangian points in the same orbit but 60 degrees behind). Such an unusually large satellite is probably necessary for the formation of life. If Earth didn't have a big gravitational mass nearby it early it its history, we wouldn't have tidal flats the size of continents filling and emptying and refilling every fifteen hours or however long a day was back in the Archaen era, churning up huge masses of salty proteins.

Mmm, salty protein.

Welp, after reading everything I haven't already reviewed, I've locked in my author guesses and my finalist votes. (And by "locked in" I mean, "I won't change them any more." The site doesn't have any technical mechanism for enforcing that.) I can already tell you that my author guessing this round is going to be somewhere south of wretched, but maybe I've still got a chance in the informal "how many stories each finalist wrote" pool.

This round was unusual in that I had a lot of trouble ranking at the top. Fully 12 of the 35 entries I ended up voting either a 7 or an 8. Usually, there's one or two stories which leap out and kick me in the eyeballs as the best of the best, but this round everything at the top had similar polish and creativity (and similar trivial flaws). If I had to pick a single winner, it would be If You Can't Cry..., which came out of nowhere in my post-preliminary reading. As I said in my earlier review, derailing a story from serious to silly in a way that improves the story is a rare and precious thing, and the crowd reaction once the twist comes out is sticking with me still.

Rounding out the top five are 4th District Court, Canterlot, 11:35 a.m., To Soothe the Savage Breast, Balm, and Aspirations (with Lament getting nudged out by just a hair, and picking which of the poetry at the top was the least-awesome was like being told I can only bring two of my three pets to a new apartment).

Special shout-outs to Monokeras' Prometheus, PresentPerfect's Trixie Invents Yoga Pants, Filler's Blight, Silent_Strider's Discovery, and Spectral's The Worse Medicine for strong showings, with stories which all would have been in the top half of my finalist voting if they'd made the finals. An extra-special nod to Cassius' While The Roommate Is Away for the story that was the best guilty pleasure (and even without my bonus points for that, it would have made my top third).

Trixie's Finalist Reviews (2 of 3)!
(I hope somepony can add these to the spreadsheet b/c I'm rushing just to finish all the reviews)

I Want to Go Home
This looks like an original sci-fi story, but I'm probably missing yet another "homage" to something I've never read. If it isn't a homage, it's the most imaginative of all the contest fics so far, and I like it. I feel it needs to bridge the mythos of MLP better, though, perhaps by mentioning something like, "a planet with a Sun and Moon I can raise from within its bowels, whether or not the ponies here realize I do it", or "a star which serves a similar purpose to our Sun and needs not be raised", or somesuch; and possibly calling the "void" something less vacuumy. I get a hint that you intended this with "planet and plane", which is very clever but too subtle on its own. Even though the story isn't about the gears of Equestria, it would be greatly bettered by adding a little more sci-fi. If you don't want to have a little sci-fi, then why make it a space opera at all? You could just as easily have Twilight and her little ponies stranded in an alternate dimension or a foreign land, and avoid the ambiguity. When I see sci-fi I expect at least a tiny bit of something to sink my teeth into, and here I start wondering about details left out, which pulls me away from the message. Also, there should be more horsewords about Cadance, because it seems clear she's not with the other ponies and I wonder what is going on with her now. I'm not sure Cadance would be a recluse after losing Shining Armor, either. I think the story works much better if Twilight is the only alicorn on the trip, because then she must intervene for the populace since none of the other ponies can. Additionally, I can't see her doing this without Spike, who I presume would still be alive. Nitpicks follow. I feel "I was eager, at first;" works much better if you change ";" to ":" and change the ", eager" to ", and eager"; and I don't like the sentence fragment that follows because it abruptly changes the feel of the narrative from complex to informal (there are a few slightly awkward parts like this that could be smoothed). You should use an emdash rather than " - ". (I keep a page in Notepad++ which has a bunch of symbols so I don't have to Google "emdash" or "endash" or "not equal sign" and copy/paste every time I need them.)

It's a Fine Line
I learned a new horsepart! Other horsepart references were pleasantly lurid. The intelligent, sexy visuals are first chair. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for the story itself. Rarity is entirely out of character. It was exceptionally uncouth of Rarity to have that conversation in front of Aloe and Lotus. This is not something Rarity would do. Not only is she far too polite and considerate of others, I think she would be horrified to see anypony else do something similar and would probably correct their behavior immediately. I don't even think she would do this if she hated Aloe and Lotus, which she obviously doesn't (she leaves a sizeable tip every time she visits). Rarity has standards, and she knew exactly what she said would hurt them both and then make them worry about the fragility of their business afterwards. Rarity was rude to Twilight as well: Twilight is a close friend, asking a question probably meant innocently, in Purplesmart adorkable nerdbucket style. It feels like Rarity took personal offense to the question, but there's no context to explain why she took offense. In fact, all the cues indicate she was gunning for a fight the moment Twilight asked her first question, solely because she knew Twilight tends to ask intelligent questions. To top it off, Rarity is extremely relaxed and peaceful in this story, not tense and agitated; so even if she were some kind of drunken churl, there's no reason in the story for her to be snippy. I don't mind the supply-side argle-bargle here given that it isn't preachy, but it's still odd to hear Rarity argue she should be spending a huge sum of bits propping up a business owned and run by two ponies. I also disagree that she does, in fact, prop up the business by herself, given it very likely did just fine without her patronage at some point. The business is also much larger than what Rarity could prop up: a large and luxurious spa isn't something that can survive on six or seven visits a week from Rarity and her friends. And even if she did prop it up, as a business owner she would know what she was doing was wrong, because it would leave the spa far too dependent upon her patronage to be a stable (giggle, sorry) business. It sounds like if she took an extended vacation the place would be shuttered. Anyway, here's what I'd suggest. Write a different story. But use the setting unchanged, because it's beautiful and amazing. If you want Aloe and Lotus to have emotional involvement, that's fine; but it shouldn't be from explicitly being worried or threatened by something Rarity knowingly says in front of them (unless they have a reason to misinterpret her words). Just don't have Rarity say and do things that would hurt her friends and associates. She's not a mean-spirited classless asshole.

Scootaloo, M.D.
This story is cute and believable. It's a little bizarre that Scoots wouldn't notice her two friends getting up, walking away, and exiting the treehouse, however. I also think her soliloquy is a little too over-the-top for a filly her age. The rest of this review is silly. I was disappointed once I saw "chopin'", not so much because a 'p' had been amputated, but because it indicated Apple Bloom was the nurse and not Sweetie Belle. Even though Apple Bloom is, in fact, highly adorable, these actions are unpardonable! Your headcanon is bad, and you should feel bad. I love "explosive wombosis", which I have heard, if gone unchecked, may result in parasites feeding off of the victim for years. I was disappointed again when, after the term explosive wombosis, you didn't do the twist and make Scootaloo an actual doctor. That would have been amazing, and I was really hoping for it. But most of all, I'm disappointed that the CMC's "playing doctor" didn't include, um, well... Ice? Yeah, that's it. Ice.

A Healthy Obsession
I really liked the story, and the ending made me chuckle. I think there are a few minor writing issues. I'll point out a couple of them I picked up on. I feel like, "She’d turn nine years old in just a few more months!", is awkward and unrealistic from a foal's perspective. Changing it to, "She was almost nine years old!", or even, "She was only a few months from turning nine!", sounds better to my ear. (Maybe add an: ", after all!", too.) "His eyes locked on the wall clock," is confusing because locked is also a past-tense verb and there's no clause marker. "With his eyes locked on the wall clock," is much better.

Aspirations
Good story. I especially like the realistic nod that even good foal-friends can fight with each other from time to time. It's nice to see Rarity doing something that will help her sister gain her mark. The major problem I have is that, "...rippling and shimmering like the sea in summer.", seems misplaced. If you end the story with something highly descriptive, it should really tie the story together. I'm guessing you meant to illustrate, "Rarity makes really good dresses now", but the problem with the description is it tells us "pretty fabric" rather than "well-designed dress in progress". If you had described the dress like a painting, the ending would have been perfect! As is, I am left wondering where I missed the ocean analogy. Nitpicks follow. Unless Rarity is making a doll's dress, you mean mannequin, not manikin. I think Rarity would be more concerned once she heard glass shattering downstairs (she's high-strung, so I can't see her ever growing accustomed to Sweetie Belle destroying her things). "Think nothing of it," seems a little too cold, given the situation.

Love at First Sight
I loved this so much, I can't put it into words.
get it?

In the Fields
This is beautiful and deep, and is easily the best of the Apple flashback minifics. We canines have amazing healing powers, but it's mostly in the eyes and coldwetnose to sensitive zones. You meant "bear", not "bare" (to bear is to withstand). I don't get the mixed metaphor "knowing like a fool"; when did fools become smart?

I Will Learn
Yay stripehorsies! The hut's burning in the first paragraph, so it's a good thing somepony put it out by the second. I don't see how Zecora's hoofsteps could be "purposeful" when she was standing still. This is one of those "telly" things: don't "tell" the audience something is "purposeful". Instead, "show" us, by describing only how things look. Don't tell the reader, "you should feel this way"; instead, paint a picture that makes a reader feel that way. This is the biggest thing you need to work on, but if you are whom I suspect, you are getting better! Most of the paragraph starting with "the force" does a good job using powerful showness rather than tellness, so I know you can do it! You just need to learn to identify the difference (which takes practice). Anyway, some minor points follow. You should place "Zecora drew in a deep..." onto another paragraph, because the sentence before it is untagged and spoken by the other character. I was very happy that the origin story did not simply pass over Zecora's rhyming vow, as that is a central element in her character. (I hate that the canon is now all tribal zebras speak in rhyme. This is sloppy writing, much like all the little Jedi children "younglings" all practicing using the same scavenged-up method Obi-Wan came up with for Luke. How can authors be so hidebound? Anyway, kudos for not doing that, canon be damned.) I really did not understand the haircut, however: how can a mohawk stand over a freshly shaven head? I have to assume you meant that she shaved everything but the mohawk, but would this mean zebras have manes like lions do, or something? Because those would not look like zebras. Maybe you just meant she cut her mane shorter than normal?

Good Girl
Wow. This was powerful, and disturbing because I want more of a resolution for poor Dashie. Amazing, yet dreadful all the same. I loved it.

To Soothe the Savage Breast
I doubt a poem can win one of these, and that's a damn shame. This story is perfect in every way, and should win.
(Even if I prefer the feels from the one where Pinkie sees right through me! Which I do.)

The Perfect Cure for the Common Cold
My inner Pinkie Pie rolls my eyes and giggles, "Oh, Ay Jay." I think it could use a little more interaction than description, but that would require more words, which it will probably get because this is a good story.

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This round was unusual in that I had a lot of trouble ranking at the top. Fully 12 of the 35 entries I ended up voting either a 7 or an 8.

I ran into the same issue with my votes, which is why I had some trouble spreading them out into more of a bell curve. There are a lot of excellent reads in this round, and I really wanted to vote too many of them too highly.

4191814
We really have no idea if moons are important for life. The Moon could be critical or utterly unimportant.

We'll only really know once we've found a bunch of other planets with life.

Or explored a significant fraction of the universe and found out that we're alone.

The Fermi Paradox is depressing like that.

4192296
There are a bunch of possible non-depressing possibilities for the Fermi Paradox. And we really dn't know much about what is necessary for life, probably a Gas giant like Jupiter.

4192296
We have a strong suspicion, because the planetary collision that spawned our moon is believed to be extremely rare. Add anthropic principle, shake. Also, the only theories on abiogenesis that make any sense require tidal flats, and that requires a large moon for a small planet.

Of course, we don't know for certain; but it forms a strong argument that life is more likely to exist in unusual circumstances similar to those which occurred on our primordial planet.

(Also, the question isn't whether we're alone in a philosophical sense, but whether or not there's anyone within range. Like, in the entire visible universe. I am highly doubtful for reasons it would take too long to disclose while I still have to review another dozen fics.)