7858219 Thank you! And that's understandable; however the Rangers want to justify it, in the end they did invade a Stable, intending to take everything for themselves. They certainly don't consider themselves to be raiders, but it doesn't mean that their goals or methods are justified. It's a moral dilemma that Quillwright will have to struggle with in the future.
And we certainly haven't seen the last of the Armored Stranger...
I don't think > 8073388 < did a good job advertising. I ended up back here again
Which got me curious, how far along is chapter 4...? I mean I follow you but I never see any blog updates for it. Not to put you on the spot or anything....
Gotta say this chapter felt just like the start of a Fallout game. The first town you run into feels like a huge relief you actually talk to all the NPCs and figure out some of the towns backstory, you hardly have anything to sell, and its full of tiny little quests to help you get started. The small enemies even provide a threat as you barely have any starting equipment. Yeah you did a great job making this feel Fallout!
Scrolling through the latest chapter tells me this is also outdated, but I'd call many paragraphs too long here. It was also the case before, and that probably didn't give Quill's flight for her life from the radigator the fast pace that matched the action. I also see many 'natural break points' inside those paragraphs, so it's even more off to see them so big.
Probably could use some word economy too, but to be fair I'm pretty obsessed with sticking to only what's necessary in my writing. I never picture anything when I read or write though, that might play a role. I only remember the turrets had blue or red lights because it was important to the plot for instance, I couldn't describe what anything else looked like in that Stable, including the water ward.
So yeah, take this 'criticism' with a grain of salt.
Starting my other thoughts with this line I loved; "the hollow-points were still ready to be emptied into any other behemoths that dared cross the path of Scribe Quillwright." Quite funny, a shame there was (very understandably) no other trace of this bravado.
And I assume Gator Bait is a trapper? I mean, with that name, haha. I admit I never cared for the radio host that tends to crop up in almost every fic I read, at least there's no spritebot directed by a secret big good involved (so far).
So, going back to 'I don't really picture things in my head,' my take on Buckwater is that they've got some tarberries and use a Sparkle~Cola billboard as a gate. Despite what I said, I feel it'd have been better to describe it, unless it was so old and dirty Quill couldn't see anything more than a faded font. Ads can be a good source of fun (or even world-building) in this setting.
I admit Quill popping a mentat felt like cheating. Sure, that's what it is in-game really, but I don't recall her even having that, it felt more like a sudden personality change than a brain boost, it's only there to convince Willow to help Quill (since it didn't help haggling with the trader at all), and I doubt we'll see her pop another one in the fic.
You could remove that part entirely, I feel. There's little enough known about Quill's life before this fic that it could just be how she acted back home, and finally being safe again since the whole Stable issue brings that back. Hell, she only successfully haggles with Tough Sell without the mentats.
Speaking of "safe again," my favorite part here may simply be when Quill harvests some tarberries for caps. Nice breather and she's got enough issues before... and after. Ugh, the "and I felt [the goremoth] beginning to feed" part made me nope out of the chapter so fast, I didn't come back before hours.
Good thinking of hers too, during that fight. They're still moths after all.
Also nice to know the Stable residents actually survived back then. And well, good to see Quill had the presence of mind not to throw her hard-earned caps on the first mare of the night that shows up, haha.
Finally, I like how the perks feel organic. Less Fallout and more Elder Scrolls, they come as consequences of what happened in the chapter rather than Quill picking them.
7858219
Thank you! And that's understandable; however the Rangers want to justify it, in the end they did invade a Stable, intending to take everything for themselves. They certainly don't consider themselves to be raiders, but it doesn't mean that their goals or methods are justified. It's a moral dilemma that Quillwright will have to struggle with in the future.
And we certainly haven't seen the last of the Armored Stranger...
*SQUEE* YES!
I can't wait to read this!
7862846
It's been a long time coming, but I'm so happy to share it!!
7863271 Finally got time! I'ma read this naow. I'm so excited!
That was well worth the wait!
Those bloody Goremoths are horrific! Damn blood sucking parasites! Kinda like Tough Shell...
Poor Quill finally caught herself a good break and managed to get herself a
trustycompanion along the way!...Now I have to wait for the next chapter
7864828
Hehe, I'm glad you enjoyed it!! I had a lot of fun writing this chapter
But don't worry! Chapter 4 shouldn't be too far off, it's mostly just in need of editing and rearranging, now...
Reviewed this for my weekly review:
Review
Holy Hell where has this gem been hiding!?
8072134
Aw, thanks! I'd be extremely grateful if you recommend it to others; I've tried my best to publicize it but I can only reach so many...
8072254 I'll try my best to do so!
I don't think > 8073388 < did a good job advertising. I ended up back here again
Which got me curious, how far along is chapter 4...? I mean I follow you but I never see any blog updates for it. Not to put you on the spot or anything....
Just can't wait for the next one to come out!
8073428
I actually have a blog post planned for today; I'll be posting it soon, and it should give you an idea of where everything's at!
Gotta say this chapter felt just like the start of a Fallout game. The first town you run into feels like a huge relief you actually talk to all the NPCs and figure out some of the towns backstory, you hardly have anything to sell, and its full of tiny little quests to help you get started. The small enemies even provide a threat as you barely have any starting equipment. Yeah you did a great job making this feel Fallout!
Welp, no comments as such, and no nipicks either for this chapter
That's what happens when groups of civilization become isolated from each other. Their dialect becomes so different its another language
Scrolling through the latest chapter tells me this is also outdated, but I'd call many paragraphs too long here. It was also the case before, and that probably didn't give Quill's flight for her life from the radigator the fast pace that matched the action. I also see many 'natural break points' inside those paragraphs, so it's even more off to see them so big.
Probably could use some word economy too, but to be fair I'm pretty obsessed with sticking to only what's necessary in my writing. I never picture anything when I read or write though, that might play a role. I only remember the turrets had blue or red lights because it was important to the plot for instance, I couldn't describe what anything else looked like in that Stable, including the water ward.
So yeah, take this 'criticism' with a grain of salt.
Starting my other thoughts with this line I loved; "the hollow-points were still ready to be emptied into any other behemoths that dared cross the path of Scribe Quillwright." Quite funny, a shame there was (very understandably) no other trace of this bravado.
And I assume Gator Bait is a trapper? I mean, with that name, haha. I admit I never cared for the radio host that tends to crop up in almost every fic I read, at least there's no spritebot directed by a secret big good involved (so far).
So, going back to 'I don't really picture things in my head,' my take on Buckwater is that they've got some tarberries and use a Sparkle~Cola billboard as a gate. Despite what I said, I feel it'd have been better to describe it, unless it was so old and dirty Quill couldn't see anything more than a faded font. Ads can be a good source of fun (or even world-building) in this setting.
I admit Quill popping a mentat felt like cheating. Sure, that's what it is in-game really, but I don't recall her even having that, it felt more like a sudden personality change than a brain boost, it's only there to convince Willow to help Quill (since it didn't help haggling with the trader at all), and I doubt we'll see her pop another one in the fic.
You could remove that part entirely, I feel. There's little enough known about Quill's life before this fic that it could just be how she acted back home, and finally being safe again since the whole Stable issue brings that back. Hell, she only successfully haggles with Tough Sell without the mentats.
Speaking of "safe again," my favorite part here may simply be when Quill harvests some tarberries for caps. Nice breather and she's got enough issues before... and after. Ugh, the "and I felt [the goremoth] beginning to feed" part made me nope out of the chapter so fast, I didn't come back before hours.
Good thinking of hers too, during that fight. They're still moths after all.
Also nice to know the Stable residents actually survived back then. And well, good to see Quill had the presence of mind not to throw her hard-earned caps on the first mare of the night that shows up, haha.
Finally, I like how the perks feel organic. Less Fallout and more Elder Scrolls, they come as consequences of what happened in the chapter rather than Quill picking them.