It's... it's...

It's been awhile since I was irked this badly, and by a cartoon of all things. But it happened: Last Saturday's episode of MLP just ticked me off. I already posted a review at Canterlot, but that one was all emotion without thought and it sent mixed signals, so I'm posting a different one here.

As you know by now, "One Bad Apple" was basically a preachy episode about bullying. I have two huge problems with this episode, and they both dovetail: One is that it's badly written, and the other is the message it tries to deliver. Allow me to tackle the former first:

Why It's Badly Written

Okay, first of all, there's Babs Seed herself. She's annoying. She's got a bland design that seems more suited to a random background pony than a named character, she's got an annoying accent, and she's got almost no personality to speak of. She's more of a plot device than an actual character. The biggest issue with her is that she lacks substance of any kind, outside of being a bully pretty much for the sake of being a bully.

And let's look at that. This is the show where the mane six once started a war (by accident, but still). It's a show that got on our radar because it did amazing things and wasn't afraid to go against tradition. And yet for this episode, we've got the most generic, stereotypical, stock cliche commity-approved bullying story imaginable. It follows the "classic" device of introducing a new character just to set up a bully situation, when there's any number of current, recurring characters who could've filled the role just as well and maybe even filled it better. Also in classic tradition, this newly-introduced bully goes on to do things that are beyond and above the kinds of things normally seen on the show. I mean, all Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon did was teasing, but Babs steals drinks the CMC presumably payed for, steals their clubhouse (that was given specifically to them by Applejack), and even commits physical abuse by throwing various foodstuffs at them (and trust me, apples hurt).

Most of this happens during a song. That song reminds me of those Kids Sing-Along albums I used to listen to, it's just so childish and saccharine. And again, this is the same show that gave us "At the Gala" and "We Are the Cutie Mark Crusaders." A definite step down from that. Then again sugary-sweet G3-esque songs have been creeping in ever since season two. It's like they now have songs just for the sake of having songs now.

And this leads me to one of my biggest problems: the Cutie Mark Crusaders are just woefully out-of-character in this episode. I know they've been insecure before, but they're strong girls. They've always bounced back. Even in "Ponyville Confidential" they saw Diamond Tiara as more of an annoyance to put up with rather than a genuine problem, and even when all of Ponyville hated them they bucked up, put their brains together and found a solution. But for the Bullying episode, they become rank cowards who break out into tears and are afraid of being "snitches." Go back and look at how these girls behaved in any previous episode and tell me that stacks up.

On that note: ... Apple Bloom is a farm girl, and Scootaloo strikes me as being an athlete of some sort. I'm not sure about Sweetie Belle, but the point is, AB and Scoots should have well-developed muscles and great physical stamina. And they're letting themselves get talked down by a pair of spoiled rich girls and some city-slicker. NO. That is NOT realistic. When I was growing up, most of the people who bullied me were farm children and athletes. On top of that, all three girls have shown in the past that they're willing to resort to fisticuffs (hoofticups?), they're scrappers. So when Babs destroyed their float, I honestly expected Apple Bloom to sock her, not start crying. Then again, I would also expect Apple Bloom to actually step in and tell Diamond Tiara that teasing the cousin is off-limits before Babs "betrayal" even happens in the first place. In other words, if the CMCs were acting at all like themselves, this entire episode would never have come to pass.

But the point is, this episode makes everything we love about MLP bend over backwards just to fit its message. That the CMC were out-of-character didn't matter. That Babs was annoying and unnecessary didn't matter, that this whole situation could never possibly happen doesn't matter. They had a message, to Tartarus with everything else!

And About That Message...

Okay, so the message was badly delivered, but it's okay if its a good message, right?

A) No and B), it's not a good message.

Basically, what it ends up is that the Cutie Mark Crusaders learn that they should've just told Applejack what was going on, and had an older pony step in. As someone who once went through the often-joyful, sometimes-painful process of growing up, let me tell you why this doesn't work: All Babs would've had to do was deny everything. The situation would've become basically her word against the Cutie Mark Crusaders' (and she'd have Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon backing her), and without evidence or an independent eyewitness, there would be nothing Applejack could do except suggest the same thing the CMC were already trying: just avoid Babs outright (and we already saw, that wasn't working).

See, I don't think the writers remembered that one thing bullies like to do is cover their tracks, and go on a campaign against the credibility of tattlers. They always say it was a mistake, or that the tattler over-reacted, or in some cases even deny anything happened at all and claim the tattler is just making stuff up to get them in trouble. Ultimately, it creates a "Boy Who Cried Wolf" predicament where the more the adult authority hears it, the less likely they are to believe it. Additionally, bullies usually take on a campaign of trying to be model citizens around figures of authority and only displaying their bad side to people nobody is going to believe.

The only thing the CMCs could really do is find some way to prove their claims, perhaps by snapping a photo. But such a thing would require a level of subtlety: If Babs and co. ever caught wind of the plot, they would assume a low profile and change their behavior. And seriously... look at any plan the CMC have ever made, and name one that didn't backfire.

And even if they do tell, somehow produce proof, and get Babs (not to mention Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon) in trouble once, well... after that is a spin of a roulette wheel. We've seen that Diamond Tiara has gotten called on her antics and punished ("Family Appreciation Day", "Ponyville Confidential") and yet she just keeps coming back. She's persistent. To be fair, I think Babs would change her ways after being talked down once. But supposing Babs didn't, she would instead just refine her tactics a little. If she wasn't already on a smear campaign against the CMC, she'd start now, she'd isolate them, then she'd pick on them some more.

I'm gonna make a "controversial" statement here: What kids need to learn is to stand up for themselves. By all means, run to an adult if you can (if anything, just so they'll know something is going on in case the situation erupts), but any kid who is completely reliant on others, and doesn't know how to solve conflicts or work things out for themselves, is gonna have problems later in life.

I don't even know why that's controversial. I know how to cook my own food--is that wrong? I have knives and know how to use them--is that evil? I can drive a car--is that detestable? And yet, whenever you say "children need to learn some self-reliance," people always ALWAYS get emotional about it, and go on these long-winded rants about how you're justifying bullying and how you want all kids to be violent savages, coupled with a few comments about how you must be some sort of misanthropic cynic or something. I can't imagine what kind of pampered, divorced-from-reality society we must have if the notion of teaching kids to do things for themselves is considered a bad thing.

Even people who haven't had a personal issue with my philosophy tell me "This is a children's cartoon. They can't say that." Why not? Again, this is the show where the heroes of the series started a war (by accident, but still). This is also the show that gave us a puberty analogue, had a phoenix get sick and more or less "die" on screen, allowed a pony to get chained up and placed in a rusty mantle, let Pinkie Pie stray into a delusional fantasy world of rocks and flour sacks, and... on top of that, by my count there are several instances of blows being exchanged: Pinkie and Dash fight in Party of One, Applejack and Dash in Fair Weather Friends, and even the Cutie Mark Crusaders get into a scuffle in Return of Harmony, Part One.

My point is, this is a show that pushed boundaries. It's kinda sad that it would take a step back from that now.

... Wow, how did this entry get so long?

tl;dr version This may very well win my vote for worst episode of the entire series. Awful characterization, cliche and badly-done premises, and an ultimate message that leaves a lot to be desired.

Here's hoping next week's episode does better.