Well, things have gotten better for me, so for now I’m back. However, I’ve got an exam this week, so I won’t fully be back till the weekend when the university closes so the Americans can celebrate Thanksgiving (you know the one where the guys with belt buckle hats ate turkey with the Amerindians, ignoring the fact that they massacred and mistreated the vast majority of them). But for now, here are some cartoons (I’m probably going to do these bi-weekly), about six fanfict reviews, other goodies, and my opinion on the season three premiere.

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The Man on the Flying Trapeze – 1934

Set to the first verse of the popular song, this Popeye cartoon features the sailor man with the spinach can interrupting a circus performance because the macho and effeminate trapeze artist was wooed Olive into his act. It has problems, I find the motive of the character’s to be a little jumbled and unconvincing at times, and the plot needs work, plus it is a basic Popeye cartoon, but I still find it and the extra rubbery animation in it to be enjoyable.

In the Bag -1956

There are quite a few characters that if given the chance, possibly could have developed into potential stars and Humphrey Bear is one of them. Because Ranger Woodlore (voiced by Bill Thompson who also voiced Droopy, although his voice here is closer to the one he gave Mr. Smee) is too lazy to clean up after the tourist, he gets the bears to do it for him first with a rather catchy song. It does take a while for Humphrey to really take center stage and once he does, well, there’s a reason why I said possibly. It’s amusing (and it does have a very funny cameo), but it doesn’t have quite the same amount of energy as before. Still worth a watch,

The Mad Doctor - 1933

This Mickey Mouse cartoon is something of a take on the horror films of the time (the title character’s name “Dr. XXX” is a play on the Warner Bros. horror film “Dr. X” from around the same time), which was banned by the British film censors for being too scary for children (I don’t think it’s frightening but that’s just me). However, this is still pretty good at creating that atmosphere. The villain is actually rather terrifying (in ways that Pete usually wasn’t), the lighting and other effect animation actually gives the right creepy atmosphere as Mickey tries to rescue Pluto from the heavy’s clutches. I will say I hate the ending though; sure it’s heart warming but it’s also incredibly cheap.

Long Haired-Hare - 1949

I’ve said bad things about all the previous cartoons in this entry, but this is one that I have almost no complaints about (they’re really minor). This Bugs Bunny cartoon pits the wabbit against the arrogant and temperamental singer Giovanni Jones (as in director Chuck Jones), which leads to one of animation’s funniest climax that will bring down the house as Bugs disguise himself as famed composer Leopold Stokowski. Like a lot Jones’ cartoons from the time, the animation, particularly the poses, is direct, strong, and always emotional (I just love the faces Bugs makes as he conducts Gio). In short, this easily one of the best Warner Bros. cartoons out there and cartoons in general.

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There are a couple of anniversaries that I missed during my hiatus that I want to mention.

Last Wednesday marked first anniversary opening of RBDash47’s Pony Ficiton Vault. I admit that I have problems with some of Dash’s choices (there’s a bias towards shipping and tragedy and I can’t help but feel that more weight is given to theme and message than it should be so that quite a few ficts inducted are more pretentious than are actually good, kind of like the Oscars), but of those that are listed as exemplar (as opposed to classic, which I’m fine with because they’re suppose to be indicators of important fanficts that changed pony ficts in general and maybe the fandom at large, although I’m not sure if “Out of the Cold” really had an effect, maybe you had to be there when it was released) I believe that about sixty-five percent of the ones I’ve read deserve to be there, which is still technically passing. Plus, the interviews of even of the lesser writers are still worth a read, and it really hasn’t lost it’s purpose, trying to find ficts that are worth your attention and time from the vast majority of gunk, especially valuable with the ever increasing number of ficts coming in, particularly non-six stars.

And speaking of six stars, another, from a few weeks ago, was the first birthday of Chris’s One Man’s Pony Ramblings. I don’t think I need to really talk about much respect I have for him. However, this is somewhat amusing, but I’ve never really used the blog for its main purpose, which is a read recommendation guide. The problem is on my end, not Chris’s; one bad habit of mine is that when I read the review of someone I respect, I usually have trouble getting myself to read or watch what he or she reviewed. That’s why I make sure that I read and write my own thoughts down before Chris gets to them for the one’s I am interested in. In any case, none of this takes away from his work. His reviews are always interesting even if I disagree with them; he’s proficient in the proper areas for a literature reviewer (including a few like grammar that I know I should work on). Overall trying to figure if he has good taste is simply beside the point (short answer: he does, but only when he agrees with me).

In short, kudos to both of them and that they continue their work.

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October 30th is important day for me concerning MLP fanfiction. No, its not when I started reading them (that would be 2011 September 12th , or perhaps the 11th but I can’t prove it), but instead when I decided to put together three lists of what fanficts were my favorites (one for one-shots, one for complete multi-chapters, one for incomplete serials) given that I had read quite a bit (well more than any other group of fanficts at the time) and then write about them (this was to get maybe some friends of mine interested in them). However, I actually struggled to think of anything to put on the second, and there weren’t enough for the third. But I did complete the first one and that was probably my first critical work on MLP fanfiction. So, I’m going to revisit that list and re-read my top ten favorites from October of last year. I’m doing this for a few reasons; one, I had much lower standards back then than I do now (which is odd because before that they were pretty high, I probably adjusting to the idea that fanficts could be special on their own terms), so this will be interesting to see how much has changed in terms of my taste and acceptance level (not that I liked everything back then, this was after all when I first read “It’s a Dangerous Business” and I didn’t like it (although I liked it more than when I re-read it again)), two, I want to look at how much of my older pieces hold up, and finally it will allow me to re-read some works I probably haven’t touched in quite some time. So below, you can see my old top ten, my original thoughts in quotes (grammar and spelling errors included, believe me there’s quite a few), and my new thoughts.

10: The Mane Cast-Offs by Blueshift2k5

Old Thoughts:

“What would happen if Twilight couldn’t use her horn, Rainbow Dash loses her wings? Okay that’s been done before, plenty of times in other fanfict’s. But what if we extended that to the other mane six. That’s what Blueshift2k5 does in this fict, and like some of his other work it’s full of plenty of twists us, as the cast have to cope with ridiculous things happening to them and their solutions are even more ludicrous. That alone makes what otherwise could be sad and disturbing in clumsier hands, funny (Fluttershy’s reaction, in particular, is hilarious, although Pinkie’s could have been handled better).”

New thoughts:

One thing that’s far clearer this time than it probably was the first time was the parody element. Not just in the main premise (the main characters losing their most important appendage), but in the minor details. How the piece for Twilight’s part ends is pretty much a jab at the corniness of other fanficts with the same endings. In many ways, it works; the jokes made me laugh rather than make me feel sorry for the characters. Not all were good though; the gag about the excessive overuse of Dash’s Sonic Rainbows and twenty percent cooler (again meant to mock how they’ve become overused clichés and memes elsewhere) comes across as a chastising lecture (to both Dash and other writers/readers) instead of funny. Luckily, such parts are rare.

Characterization is what I describe as recognizably caricatured; every one is exaggerated in their actions and personality while being pretty much in-character. That’s fine, but it does mean if a joke isn’t happening or it doesn’t work, the characters don’t really hold your interest. The exception to the in-character personalities is how a they react to their loses and their solution to it, which are appropriately over-the-top so that most are still good (how Rarity deals with the loss of her horn is something she wouldn’t do in a million years, but because it’s so ridiculous it made me laugh). There are two exceptions to this; I thought Fluttershy’s reaction was completely in-character, which is what probably made it the funniest of the lot. Pinkie’s is the other; one hand, what happened to her is ludicrous (and makes me glad the story is told in a non-visual format given how badly it violates acceptable cartoon physics to the point it wouldn’t be humorous), and I wasn’t horrified or anything (unlike other readers were for understandable reasons), but how she deals with it lacks the punch for me to make it amusing.

The writing is overall pretty good. Crisp and precise with the necessary amount of narration and dialogue to make the story work. It rarely feels slow, to the benefit of the timing of the gags. As a final note, I really didn’t like the epilogue. I know why it’s there (to ease the tension and assure the reader), but quire frankly it makes me feel like Blueshift pulled his punch here; a good comedy writer should rarely feel sorry for a joke they told that offend someone. It was also didn’t make me laugh.

Verdict: I still like this fict overall, I don’t think my opinion has changed in that respect (I might not have laughed as much, but hey my taste has changed). Having said that, I wouldn’t include it in my top ten one-shots for pony ficts. Not because this was bad, but because I’ve read better one-shots since I put this list together. It just goes to show you how I’ve changed.

9: Crown Jewels by Deviouspie
Old Thoughts:
“This fic, written by Deviouspie, is essentially a heist film in the FIM universe. Or more to the point an over-the-top parody of one. Because of this, the mane-cast sometimes comes off as a little out of character at times. But that’s okay because when there are lines like “”I spent ninety-five percent of the time planning thinking of codenames” and Applejack’s gun Rutherford, it’s hard not to laugh. And Laughter is a good enough reason to read this fict.”

New Thoughts:

I think I should expand on the “a little out of character” part first. This fict takes place about seven years after the gala and since then, Celestia had put the main cast up to a series of mind numbing and absurd tasks (I won’t give any away). Because of that, their changes in personality such as Twilight’s scheme to steal from the princess (the whole premise, basically) is a lot more acceptable. Perhaps even more so than Mane Cast-offs, the cast comes across as over-the-top caricatures, but for the most part their recognizable. That doesn’t mean there are some parts in feels off; Pinkie comes to mind, as does Celestia (more on those two later though). Still, all this can be justified if it’s funny, and DeviousPie’s work is suppose to be that.

So does it succeed?

I would have to say the answer is yes, still. For example, rather than being bothered by say Applejack becoming a trigger-happy mare that would cause even Charlton Heston to back off, I found the interpretation actually hit the right line between scary and funny, mostly ending up on the later. This is but one example, but others do work. The real humor comes in the dialogue, one of which I mentioned in my original comment. There’s plenty more including a few from some nameless guards (I won’t quote any because I don’t want to spoil anymore). Back to how the characterization is affected, I want to talk about Pinkie and Celestia. While I can’t say how Pinkie was handled was unexpected, I felt it was too random to be either humorous or scary (what her plan in the castle was is insane and blacker than was probably intended). Celestia on the other hand is in no way shape or form in-character; this isn’t even one of the more popular fanon ones like Trollestia or Tyrantlestia, this is instead Celestia the eight-year brat-ruler. That’s right, she pretty much acts like a child, from her pettiness to her almost callous treatment for life and dignity of others. I actually like this characterization quite a bit here (I should note I only accept it in a fict like this where everyone’s personality is hyperbolic); it was always a pleasure to have her open her mouth and it made laugh me all the time.

So again, Crown Jewels can be pretty darn funny, however, the problems come when it’s not funny. There are some parts (such as Dash’s mission) that actually very dull to read given to how it’s written. Sure, overall the writing was nice, but, there are parts were the narration… well I wouldn’t say it didn’t work, but it felt dry and mundane. And there are a few parts of the character’s dialogue that made me scratch my head of why they would say that (Twilight saying that Pinkie’s job was to be the random comes to mind). Still the overall piece is readable.

One last thing, when I say that everyone’s personality is overblown, I want to mention that they can seem dumber than a bucket of rocks for a few areas. This does not bother me because it’s funny, but I wouldn’t be surprised if somebody would mark points off for this.

Verdict: Like the Mane Cast-offs, I don’t think Crown Jewels is going to remain in my top ten. When it’s amusing, it’s hysterical and that puts it above Mane Cast-offs (which is still funny but on a lower level). Heck, the fact that I didn’t once complain about a gun being in the pony world, something I would normally do, is a testament to the quality here. Sadly, the areas that aren’t as good do show problems for me and when I’m not laughing, I’m bored.

8: Simply Rarity by Somber

Old Thoughts:
“I flat out admit that Rarity is my least favorite of the mane-six, I find her fashionistia / drama queen persona to be annoying more often than the rest and at times even a little demeaning to women. Plus, I always felt she was too greedy and selfish to truly represent her element (generosity is also too close to kindness in definition). Somber, in this fict, tries to explain that aspect. Honestly, it made me like the character more than the show ever did. Simply put, it’s a collection of Rarity’s diary entries from when she was a foal in Canterlot to when she had her own dress shop in Ponyville (with non-entries to start and end the story). It’s rather tragic and sad at times, and because Rarity is young and naive during many of the entries, one has to read in-between the lines to get the whole picture but at the end, we do end of liking Rarity more, and for that it earns a spot.”

New Thoughts:

The biggest differences between now and when I last read it (March) was that I’ve read some opinions that are not enthralled with the story compared to the vast majority who read it (I tempted to post what was going to be my original comment for Chris’s blog, but it’s way too long and way too fanyboyish). Thus, the biggest point of interests were how those criticisms going to affect my reading on it a third time. Was I going to not enjoy as much? Was I not going to suspend my disbelief (over the how the diary was written or how Rarity changed as a character)? What has changed?

To be honest, the answer is, not a lot really. Most complaints just don’t get in my way. I can acknowledge why people may have them, but it really doesn’t change my opinion. That’s not say everything was sunny this side of the rainbow. I don’t know about the first time I read it but certainly during the second time, I felt that the earlier diary entries are more interesting than the latter ones. This was more so this time, reading about Rarity struggle in the streets of her old home is more interesting than her return to safety and overcoming her emotional wounds in Ponyville. That’s not to say they aren’t good, but they don’t carry the same emotional weight. Plus, the handling of Unique just didn’t sit well with me. She was the one aspect that I felt was used for cheap tears. Personally, I also really wish there was some sort of dating system for the entries as well, the lack indication of how much time has past between entries just makes it tougher to read.

But overall, I still like this a lot. While I didn’t cry, my eyes did water and that’s usually a good sign. I think Somber does a good job capturing the hardships of poverty and loss and mixes it a number of tragic events that don’t stink of too much melodrama. And again I really like the handling of Rarity and her development and how both were relayed to me as a reader; I always read her entires in her voice. That’s why I can buy it all.

Verdict: Still one my favorites and still part of my top ten one-shots for ponyfics. There’s something to be said about a well-done sad backstory and this is certainly a good example.

7: My Faithful Student by PhantomFox

Old Thoughts:
“I don’t know how often the idea of ‘Twilight pushing her friends away because of some sort of new obsession’ is used but this is one of these stories. That obsession is a competition where one has to perform magic in front of judges and show off one’s skill. What happens then on is familiar if we have ever been in a similar situation where we neglect our health and social well being because something total engrosses us. Plus, it’s one of those ficts that feels like it could be an episode, with changes but nothing large. It’s those parts that I enjoy about this work and PhantomFox deserves praise for that.”

New thoughts:

This fict is pretty much “Lesson Zero” done right as far as I’m concern, even though it was written before then and I read before I say the episode (it wouldn’t be the only time a fanfic writer predicted the general plot of a future episode, see Fluttersertive).

However, saying that work feels like an episode shouldn’t be the positive thing to say about it. Luckily, there’s still more that I like mainly the fact I can relate to Twilight’s situation and have been in that position of my life before. The characterization is still good and not once did any one feel out of character. Plus, it’s funny at a number of times.

Not all of it is good, problems I had when I re-read this for Chris’s blog remain such as a few parts either needing expansion or the ax (the opening at Baltimare comes to mind, the parts that concern the importance of the tree could have been added to Twilight’s performance), and I’ve never really enjoyed reading about what actually happened at the contest given that it feels like a resolution gone too long. And while Pinkie getting hyper from coffee makes me laugh, I didn’t like how it used as a problem solver. Plus, the prose can be dry at parts.

It this feels brief, that’s because there really isn’t a lot new for me to say.

Verdict: Nothing has really changed my opinion. There are parts I don’t care for but the overall effect is positive even if I don’t consider a fave anymore.

6: Dusk and Dawn by 2%

Old Thoughts:
“MaximillionVeers says that “Nightmare Moon won and Twilight is her lackey*” is the most overused type of story for FIM ficts after “Twilight botches a spell and everyone ends up in the wrong dimension.” I’d argue that “Twilight being Celestia’s daughter” or “Rainbow Dash can’t use wings” is actually number 2 but whatever. This is still a good fanfict. The story takes place mainly in Manehattan as a rebellion lead by the other mane-six (although we really only see Applejack) fights off against Nightmare Moon’s force lead mainly by Twilight (here known as Eclipse) and focuses on a battle between Applejack and Eclipse as the converse about the event that lead up to this. Within in this fict 2% gives one good world-building (there is a feeling that a war going on), good ordering in revelation of facts coming from flashbacks and dialogue, nice twists in the plot, and tragedy. It’s like if you selected part of a long fict and focused only on that (it’s probably longer than a number of multi-chapter ficts as well, it’s over 20,000 words). Sadly, that’s where my complaint comes in. It just ends, to be honest. One is free to decide what happens (if the rebellion wins or loses) but deep down I really wanted a resolution (don’t care what kind) particularly after all that build-up**. Despite my criticism this is still a must read and the last part is one of the few times I actually really felt like crying while reading a fict, and that makes it recommendable.”

“*Replaced a far harsher word
** While the 2% admits he might write a conclusion, this not a fict I want expanded to anything more than that, a lot of what’s revealed would be stuff a good author would hide for later if they planned to write more than two chapters”

New Thoughts:

I’ve admitted before that “what if timeline” fanficts (and alternate universes in general) can be guilty pleasures of mine. Now, not all are bad, but they can easily strain plausibility if the characters differ far too much from who they are (in which case the writer should have created their own characters). So, are the changes in “Dusk and Dawn” to the characters believable?

I would say yes, to a point.

The reason why Twilight works for Nightmare Moon is because the latter took her away from her friends for years and (to not get into too much detail…god I wish I could add a spoiler bar; unlike the one’s above, this one is harder to write about given how important the twists are here) a feeling of betrayal from how things were handled in the first two episodes (I feel like a detail or two was skimmed off for the second explanation; there are changes made since the second season ended, but besides the an addition of a new ending and the Shining Armor (who feels forced into the story) I don’t know if anything else is different). Considering how important the second part relates to Twilight’s character, if she indeed felt and believed that (and to be honest is has quite a bit of truth to it) of course she would change as a character. So the fact that she would commit a number of heinous acts (in the opening she kills a defenseless prisoner under Nightmare Moon’s watch) isn’t too hard to buy (if you can buy that change), and the same could be said of Applejack’s and Trixie’s changes.

What is hard to buy are some of the world-building aspects. The technology level was always in flux in the show, but it takes a lot to convince me that weapons such as battleships, shotguns, and bazookas (alongside trebuchets, which really only makes sense in the context of a game of “Civilization”) exist when no hints anywhere are shown in the show. Even if I could accept that over the course of seven years (the number of years passed since Nightmare Moon returned) such stuff could be developed since Equestria started to become a nation of war, the same can’t be said of guns in general because they aren’t made for pony anatomy given all the tiny details needed to make and use them (I accepted it in “Crown Jewels” mainly because of the parody part and because it was funny). What’s more is that a number of other ideas that I don’t want to see ponyficts also exist. Such things include the idea of earth pony magic and the elements of plot device giving powers to their user/wearer (Applejack can determine if some one is lying).

The biggest problem with this fict pertains to how it’s told. Most of it involves Eclipse and Applejack fighting each other while they talk. It reminded me a lot like a Japanese boy’s comic down to a lot of details such as character’s having far-fetched levels of resistance (things such as characters only being singed by explosions, surviving “impaled” from metal beams, and taking hits from magic that could tear down buildings while) and powers (Trixie, off-screen, is able to hold back a massive group of soldiers with her magic, but Twilight is strong enough to force her and Applejack (whose is also pretty powerful) into a draw). Actually given that and the scarceness of the narration (the dialogue is really the part that does the heavy lifting to tell the story), this fic does suffer from “medium misplacement” and probably would have been better off as a comic (it would also help with the flashback parts because most of them are nothing more than a few lines of an action). In addition, besides the revelation of a number of facts and changes to the characters, not a lot really happens plot wise.

I want to finish off by talking about the part that nearly made me cry back when I first read “Dusk and Dawn.” I did not get that feeling this time. Having said that, I do think considering what had happened in the story (some through a couple of revelations that I won’t mention, although I found them to be way too predictable to be surprising), that it would be not wrong to feel sympathy. And in that sense the fact that “Dusk and Dawn” just ends as it does is actually a good thing. It makes readers desperate for a resolution by leaving them in misery. So it’s something of a let down that there is a sequel (unfinished) due to reader demand. I wouldn’t have done that (I really wish writers would not create prequels or sequels for their work, but that’s just me), but at the same time I understand why some would want more because there is a lot of set-up and a few things in need of resolution. However, that new part to the end it feels really out of place.

Verdict:

I’m going to be honest; I really didn’t enjoy reading this again. Too much of what happens here includes things I no longer accept plus too much of it is a really long fight scene that involves a bunch of characters with powers that strain plausibility and a slow pacing. So, this is the first top ten I can’t say I like anymore and a number of things I said above, I don’t stand by anymore. Having said that, I don’t think this is a bad story by any reasonable measure. I think Twilight’s change in character is believable for the most part and there are a few things to enjoy in her interaction with Applejack and Trixie, both of whom are also well-developed. Plus, the ending (while not worth all the words needed to reach it) is pretty good in its tragedy.

Part 2 will come next week (hopefully)

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Because I’ve been gone for a while, there were quite a few six-stars that I missed. Because it’s a habit of mine and I hate posting on topics more than a week old, I’m going to put my thoughts on those ones here after I finish reading them, starting with “Postal Blues and Grey Feathers.”

I’ll keep my thoughts on this brief because there’s not much for me to talk about.

Basically it’s need of quite a bit of fixing. I say cut down on the exposition in the beginning because much of it is unnecessary, removing Derpy’s revelation at the end (it really felt like an afterthought added in to get some cheap tears), work on the presentation of the characters so that feel more vividly and draw readers such as myself in, and get an editor to help with the prose (which is overly telly) and the grammar, spelling, and formatting, amongst other things. Overall, I thought it was dull but with a little work it might have been a cute story.

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I like to avoid talking politics as much as the next guy, but this made me smile.

It seems that the Bronies are noteworthy voting block or something (actually, that’s rather scary).

As for me, I have only one thing to say:

I GO POGO!

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I have a lot of interests that in many ways don’t have any connection with each other; I love studying and even on occasion researching about old cartoons, I still retained by childhood interest in paleontology, and I have an fascination in the censorship and editing of works. In the case of the last one, an area that I retain a higher-level of curiosity is that of Nintendo of America’s editing of games before their release during the company’s reign from the 80’s to the mid 90’s (this being before the creation of the ESRB). While there are still content changes going on in Nintendo games to reduce potential controversy (as an example, one of the character Kirby’s forms had its name changed from Angel to the non-religious Cupid), it was nothing on the scale back then. For a list of examples and the actual guidelines from NOA, click here. It was this interest that lead me to a website that was comparing Final Fantasy IV as it was originally released in Japan and the original English translation for the game when it was released as Final Fantasy II in the US, seen here (other games such as the original Super Mario and Earthbound are also compared). It’s not complete, but the comparison is startling. I’m not talking about how NOA turned pubs and bars into café’s, removed a scene where a dancer throws off her dress before doing her namesake (she still has something on underneath), or used as many possible euphemisms as they could for the words “kill” and “death”. I’m talking about how shoddy the translation is compared to the site proprietor’s literal translation; lines have been removed, the sentence structure is poor a couple of places, etc. As the site’s runner points out, the biggest effect is that the little things create a different feeling even if the overall meaning isn’t really changed, and that definitely has an impact in how the characters are interpreted (this only makes me prouder to be a fussbucket). This got me thinking because the rules here are very similar to when writing dialogue in general. I don’t claim to be an expert for giving advice on writing, so you can take what I write with a grain of salt, and much of what I’m saying is considered is pretty basic. However, to sum it up, a good writer should be sure to consider the following:
• Figure out the basic parts of the speaker’s personality before you write any of his/her dialogue and understand it to the point of memorization (if you have to get on to all fours and start acting like them and talking like them to do so, then do so; heck I encourage it). I think the biggest struggle of writing characters is the fact that by our own nature, we are often a little too narrow-minded and thus struggle to understand the thought patterns of others (this is why a lot characterization is at best 2-dimensional and often just 1; although this is fine for a caricaturist). Defining ahead of time will make things easier; for one story I worked on (and abandoned for good reason), I had defined two characters ahead and because of that, I used them more often; by comparison, I failed to do the same with two others and it was hard to write sentences for them and find difference between them, which leads to…
• Always find ways to differentiate the characters through their dialogue. Restrict or expand upon their vocabulary; don’t be afraid to add slang, phrases, or accents if you have to (but don’t overdo either). Doing so gives the characters a voice of their own and can make it possible identify a character without “she said”, “he shouted”. Going back to my previous example, one character would occasionally use big words that you wouldn’t find in everyday language, to the point that one got the sense he just looked them up in a thesaurus. That was the point of his character, to make himself seem better educated and from a better background than he actually was by using ten-dollar words.
• Differentiation extends to cultures as well, thus dialogue should be used to separate them. I should point out that this should only be rudimentary. One’s cultural upbringing is certainly going to decide a lot but at the end of the day, we are still individuals. Having said that, back-story is only important to think about if it’s going to matter (and be mentioned) in the story (and it is not a substitute for actual characterization).
• To whom it is said is just as important as what is said. Swearing with friends is one thing, swearing in front of your teacher is horse of a different color.
• State of mind defines the speech. A character who is a in highly emotional state is going to have a more limited word choice than when they are calm and rational.
• Spice it up where appropriate. Don’t be afraid to include ellipses for pauses and moments of hesitation, exclamation points for shock and surprise, or even weird and grammatically incorrect sentence structure. People do this all the time in real life and so should your characters (the last part is not an excuse for overall bad sentence structure that it obscures intended meaning and should be used sparingly).
• Sentence length matters and is a good indicator of personality. A character that speaks in long-winded sentences is usually the sign of an egoistical windbag that loves to hear his own voice. Short and brief ones could be the mark of a withdrawn person.
• There is no such thing as a throwaway line. Any piece of dialogue is going to say something about the speaker one way or another.
• Having said the above, some lines do say more than others. Keep those that say the most and are important and remove the lesser ones if the pacing feels slow. Remember, you’re writing a story.
• Follow-through matters. Characters do not speak in a vacuum, they say things because they are responding to something and usually something responds back. Make sure the answer is appropriate. And when you get rid of one line, make sure you adjust from there on, even if you have to start over from that point.
• Don’t underestimate the importance of good editors. I think we all know this, but as the site I pointed indicates, a good editor would have fixed up quite a number of problems. Having said, that check over what they’ve changed (actually ask them to they mark or summarize what they have, this partly why I like Word so much), sometimes they might have changed something you intended to be that way.
• Do not fear the Wampus.
• Don’t overanalyze the character’s dialogue; outside of prepared speeches, people don’t speak as if their sentences are going to be examined again and again. Yes, you should think about it but don’t spend more than five minutes.
• Any infodumping on the reader is no better than taking an actual dump on them. Characters are not meant to just feed plot, and thus all information should be conveyed economically and naturally. Break up the parts you want to tell the reader into pieces and scatter them throughout the conversation.
• In real life, people don’t speak like machines nor do they speak like Shakespeare. If you’re going to have your characters talk like either, there better be a damn good reason (maybe it’s a parody, maybe you’re trying to represent the past).
• Look I know the show has it but do not have your characters sing their dialogue. For one, music is in a completely different medium, two normal people do not do it. Only a character like Pinkie would it make any sense and the only person I know who has broken out into song in public was myself (this was a song I sang – I am not making this up, I am weird).

Speaking of Final Fantasy IV, I have to admit after watching a quite a bit of the story (after reading the changes, I got interested), I’m rather surprised that this somehow is considered a dramatic change in video game storytelling for the better. Maybe it was, but Final Fantasy IV is not a very good story; certain actions that a good writer should never make, happen way too often (remember, if you have characters nobly sacrifice themselves, they better stay dead and make sure the rules of your universe are consistent). I do know that there’s a ponified fanfict of the game that I checked out months back, and it didn’t doesn’t convince me otherwise (to put it nicely there’s a good reason why it’s a four star). None of this means FFIV is a bad game (after a video game’s big concern is be fun to play, story is a secondary concern at best). It’s also part of the reason why I consider the crossover genre to be one of the lesser bearers of potentially good fruit.

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I’m putting this part in last because there’s a possibility that you might not have seen the season 3 opener. If you haven’t then you probably should watch it before reading my thoughts on it below. Otherwise, proceed.

I think I always go into the two-parters (and by that logic, season premieres) with a sense of caution. In a way, that makes sense because there’s definitely something to worry about for all of them. After all, “Mare in the Moon” was the first episode and where I really didn’t know what to expect from this new update and the wedding episode had an obvious marketing edge to it that most episodes did not (I don’t remember what reason I had to worry about “Return of Harmony” but I just did). But “Crystal Empire’ definitely had the most baggage compared to the rest. For starters, the wedding left a really bad taste in my mouth and not only was did this two-parter share both the evident marketing aspect (crystal ponies, come on) and the same writer (Meghan McCarthy) but she was also the season three head. And quite frankly, I’ve never felt a great admiration for her episodes and feel she is the weakest of the original writing staff.

So, let me say right up front that I didn’t think that “Crystal Empire” was as bad as either “Mare in the Moon” and especially not “The Canterlot Wedding.” One thing that helped cripple both of them for me, villain stupidity and inconsistency, didn’t happen here and the baddie wasn’t defeat by a deus ex machina (further bonus points, he doesn’t sing). But overall, my thoughts are still in the negative.

One thing I’ve noticed about all two parters is they are all Twilight centered, some more than others. Now I like Twilight, but these episodes have distressing tendency to make her more special and reduce how relatable she actually is, which decreases how much I like her. “Mare and the Moon” and “Return of Harmony” aren’t as guilty of this and they also did a better job of showing (for one, they also felt a little less predictable) that Twilight needs others in order to complete her tasks at hand (or hoof). I thought that aspect was handled heavy-handedly with all the talk of love and unity. And despite the fact that she needed Spike to save the day, the episodes didn’t really convey its message well to me, in non-insulting way.

Plus, the other characters (besides Spike) didn’t work as well. Everyone felt like a caricature of her original self (if at all because Shining Armor and Disney princess have less personality than a jar of mayonnaise) without subtlety or much to do. Pinkie is just silly (but not funny), Dash is just arrogant, Fluttershy is just timid, etc. Spike had more to do, and whether misgivings I might have about the character in general, I didn’t think he was poorly used here nor was his characterization flattened out. I just think the whole act of him saving the day could have better if he had a larger role early. Still, I felt he worked for the most part.

And while king Sombyra (who will for now be referred to as king Sombrero because he makes me want to take a siesta) wasn’t portrayed as an idiot, he flat out had nothing but the most basic of traits (him:“I have dark powers, I have a scary design, I make the lives others miserable”, me: “you and about ninety percent of all losers that took villainy 101”), certainly not enough to be considered a personality (I suspect that he’ll be in even less fanworks than Film and Flam after the initial surge, although that’s probably also because he’s not female). Quite frankly, he feels like something from G1 (as does quite a bit of this episode, I swear that McCarthy had “The Return of Tambelon” in mind when she wrote this episode, both have a city returning after centuries of disappearance and is ruled by a wicked king that can only be defeated by an object in the city).

What also hurts is the pacing. The episode meanders too much in part one and early part two (with some unamusing gags and scenes) and when it finally realizes it has a story to complete; it just rushes to the end. I think all the two-parters have this problem (the first part seems to be a little better than the second), and not helping is the overall dullness. Plus, plot holes managed to sneak in (If the state of the crystal empire is so important to Equestria in general, why would Celestia not even consider sending Luna as well, how the heck did Twilight not realize that a page was missing from the last book). And really that’s my biggest problem with “Crystal Empire”, its boring and really gets nothing out of me, besides the occasional snort at its more sentimental parts (the message at the end, the whole importance of unity) because there’s so much filler and very little done with either the characters or plot. It lacks the focus that all the others (even the wedding) had. Better to boring than horrendous, I suppose, but it doesn’t please me either way.

A while back, I was watching and reviewing all episodes of season 1 and 2 (I didn’t complete it), and this was I wrote at the end of “Dragonshy” (McCarthy’s first episode):

“Faust mentioned that they had planned more adventures but didn’t for a number of reasons such as time needed to develop the new characters the cast would meet, wasn’t quite allotted. This episode does not make me wish they did more.”

Such thoughts could be applied here as well. I really hope the staff returns to the slice of life aspect in the half-hour episodes that attracted me to the show and stays away from adventures like this one. I’ll admit my hopes aren’t too high, but they’re still much higher than the possibility of another “Return of Harmony” coming. It might be a while before a good one does show up; the next three (much to my regret and common sense, I took a peek at the descriptions on wiki) include one that could be funny or just flat out annoying, a potential generic episode as far as kid’s shows go, and one of the fandom’s wet dreams; I have flat no hope for the last one, I already see problems with its plot, and that’s pretty much a guarantee it’s going to suck (not even the presence of sea ponies could convince me otherwise).