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Nov
10th
2012

Pacing · 10:24am Nov 10th, 2012

It's not a deleted scene, but it's close. In my haste to finish this chapter, I scrambled to get through scenes and move to the next. The result was, in my opinion, bad pacing. I still think the chapter has pacing issues, but I just want to be done with it and move on to the next one. Here's the worst offender:



“Excuse me.”

Fluttershy got up and answered the door. Applejack greeted her.

“Hey, Fluttershy, Ah'm havin' trouble with those darn gophers again and I was wonderin' if you could come out and round them up like last time.”

“Of course I could help, Applejack. Those poor gophers must have such a hard time trying to dig with all those roots in the way.”

“'Poor' ain't exactly the word I would use.” Applejack mumbled, before she noticed Twilight and company in the kitchen.

“What're they doin' here?”

“Oh, uh, they were just visiting.” Fluttershy winced slightly at her minor lie, “Why don't you come in while I get the supplies I'll need to handle the gophers?”

“Why thank you.”

Applejack walked in and made her way to the kitchen while Fluttershy gathered the necessary supplies.

Dash noticed their approach.

“Hey, it's Applejack.”

Twilight and Spike both turned to see.

“Applejack, what are you doing here? And where did Fluttershy go?” asked Twilight.

“Ah'm here to see Fluttershy about a gopher problem. She's gettin' some stuff to get rid of those vermin. But enough about them, Ah'm surprised to see you up this early, Twilight, I never thought you were a mornin' pony.”

“Oh, I'm not usually. Let's just say certain circumstances led me to get up this early.”

“That's unfortunate, the mornin' is the best time of the day.” Applejack turned her attention to Dash, “And shouldn't you be overseein' the weather?”

Dash shot into the air.

“Ohmygosh! With Twilight getting hur—” Twilight went through several complicated gestures involving her hooves, tail, horn, and a nearby orange, “—ried by those circumstances of hers, I nearly forgot that we're getting ready for the first big storm of the year. I gotta go! By Applejack, Twi, Flutter, Spike!”

Dash sped out the back door and off into the sky.

Spike looked at the back door.

“That was rather abrupt, don't you think?”

“Oh, Spike. You know how she is.” Twilight looked at Applejack, “Say, do you mind if I tag along with you and Fluttershy?”

“Why?”

“I just want to help out. It's been a little while since I've seen my friends, so I thought now would be as good a time as any. Plus I could use a little exercise.” Twilight poked her belly, “Being cooped up in that tree all the time can;t be good for me. If you don't want to then that's fine.”

“Oh no. We'll take all the free labour we can get our hooves on.”

“What about me?!”

Twilight looked back at Spike.

“Someone has to mind the library, Spike.”

“For a librarian, you sure don't spend a lot of time in the library.”

“Don't be like that, Spike. Besides, it's not like you have to deal with anypony. Just relax.”

Spike's jaw dropped.

You're telling me to relax?! Of all the—fine. Have fun with your friends while I wallow in loneliness.”

'Don't worry, Spike. We'll both have plenty of time to be lon—no! None of that mopeyness. What do you want to do, turn into Open Cluster?'

“Come on, Spike. If you quit with the pity party I might even tell Rarity the next time I see her how good at being responsible you've been.”

Spike's mood noticeably improved with the mentioning of Rarity.

“You'd do that for me! Oh thank you, Twilight.” He hugged her, “You're the best pseudo-mother/sister a baby dragon could ask for.”

Twilight returned the hug.

“Alright, Spike. Now go be responsible and look after the library.”

Spike saluted before he rushed out.

Twilight saw that Fluttershy was returning.

“Why don't we get going now?”

“Sounds like a plan.”



The scene moved way too fast for my liking. So much so, even Spike noticed. I decided to slow things down and try to fix some of the pacing issues. Hopefully it didn't come across as needless padding.

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Comments ( 3 )

i don't get what the big deal is, that was pretty fine in my eyes...:rainbowhuh: sure, it was a little fast, but it's not something i at least pay that much attention to, it's worse when it's really really noticeable.

By Applejack, Twi, Flutter, Spike!”

That's some creative swearing going on. :rainbowwild:

It's not padding if it's fun to read in my book. :twilightsmile:

That said, this version of the scene seems a-okay to me, but to each their own. Both versions are good, so I guess I have nothing to complain about. :rainbowwild:

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