I know I'm not Shakespeare or Milton. I'm not even Stephen King. Heck, I'm not even Pen Stroke.
Still, I gotta ask; why does something like this do better that what I write?
As you began to sit down you heard a familiar sound of little hooves on the floor. you paused my game and looked down to see the little ball of fur that could make any day better with her simple appearance. A small mint green unicorn with a lighter shade of mint green mane that had a small white stripe ,and a horn separating it all, sat at the base of your feet. Her hooves on your socked foot and a expression that pretty much said "Hold me!" in it's own simple way. You smile gently and bend down holding out your hand for her to get onto. Her small body was no longer than your Iphone and she was about 5 inches tall, so picking her up was no problem. She gladly complies with a smile and you pull back up sitting in your comfy recliner. She ,instead of sitting in your hand all day, she trots off into your lap and begins to nudge your stomach with her nose.
This is from "Little Lyra and You" by Slayerbroman. It really is a cute story, and I think it sells itself largely on its unbelievably adorable cover art. Of the faves and upvotes it has, one of each is mine.
But, sheesh, would it be too much to ask the guy to edit his work before posting it? Look at that paragraph up there: we've got switches in tense, sentence fragments, numerals, misplaced commas, and general clunkiness.
At least my grammar is usually good. At least I strive to write introspective characters. At least I have Something Important to Say (TM). I mean, "Chronomistress" deals with a key problem of epistemology. "Brony Steve Makes Out with Fluttershy" not only has a feature box-baiting title (which failed to bait the feature box), but it addresses ethics and arguably undermines the fanbase. It also does something I have never seen another story do--it addresses the question of how humans and cartoon characters could interact if a brony actually managed to travel to the land of ponies (it posits that the cartoon is only a loose representation of the real Equestria).
But these tales slide into obscurity with little notice while poorly written but cute fluff gets popular. I won't deny it--I am experiencing jealousy, partly because Slayerbroman has done something of which I think I'm incapable: I might be able to correct his grammar, but I couldn't write fluff like his even if I wanted to. I lack the constitution for it. If I attempted a story like "Little Lyra and You," it would probably end with the protagonist deciding he's a pervert who can't understand how his mind can interact with the world of pneuma, and committing suicide. Or something.