Well, time to do some more reviews. For me. For you. For Equestria!

…I need to get some better lines for this…

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And it’s #18 today, “A Dog and Pony Show.”

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TECHNICAL SPECS:
Season: 1
Episode: 19
Written By: Amy Keating Rogers
First Aired: March 11, 2011

SUMMARY:

While finishing up some outfits, Rarity is starstruck when she’s visited by Sapphire Shores, a pony pop star looking for glamorous outfits for her newest tour. Rarity is quick to offer up an incredibly jewel-encrusted costume, and Sapphire loves it…so much so that she orders five more, each with a different jewel arrangement, so she can make costume changes. Unfortunately, Rarity is all tapped out of jewels, so she recruits Spike to help her dig up some more.

After digging up a few and resisting his temptation to eat them, Rarity allows Spike to keep one gem, which he gladly hold onto as a keepsake of his love. Unfortunately, their success has drawn the attention of the Diamond Dogs, humanoid canines who talk like Gollum and have an obsession with gems. The creatures ambush the two and try to kidnap Rarity, and despite Spike’s best efforts, they succeed in dragging her down one of their tunnels. Cue the skyward scream.

Spike rushes back to town in a panic, gathering the rest of his friends for the rescue effort. Unfortunately, there are now dozens of tunnels, and when they try to dive down one, the Dogs fill it right back up. And then when they try digging, the Diamond Dogs themselves pop back up to attack them. Meanwhile, the group keeps having fantasy segues where they imagine Rarity being completely helpless and hopeless in the face of monsters and, worst of all, dirt.

Fortunately, Spike figures out a plan. He uses the gem Rarity gave him as bait over one of the open holes, allowing the Diamond Dogs to grab it and drag him – and the ponies – inside. While he’s doing this, he has his own fantasy segment, where he is a muscle-bound superhero knight battling off the hoards to save Princess Rarity. His plan works, and the six are now underground…but there are a whole network of passages down there, and no way to tell where to go. Fortunately, Spike’s logic prevails again; all they have to do is have Twilight use Rarity’s gem-finding spell to follow the path with the most gems, since that would be the one the Diamond Dogs are most likely to take her down.

Meanwhile, back with the Diamond Dogs, Rarity is cowering for her life…until she learns they just want her to find some gems for them. When she does so, they try to make her dig, but she strikes back with her greatest weapon: passive-aggressiveness. She fakes digging so badly that the Diamond Dogs take over the digging portion, while she gets tasked with pulling the wagon. However, her whining just gets worse and worse, and when the lead Diamond Dog tells her to stop it, she cranks things up to eleven and throws a complete tantrum, irritating her captors into subservience.

A short time later, she’s enjoying a goblet of water while the Diamond Dogs are doing all the work. However, they quickly realize what happened and try to force the wagon back on her. Unfortunately for them, one slaps her on the flank and calls her a mule, which prompts another bawling session from Rarity that completely demoralizes the Diamond Dogs.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Mane 6 are almost at the end of the tunnel when their ambushed by some Guard Dogs, who try to harness them into being workhorses. The ponies, however, aren’t going to take this lightly, and just buck them off without any trouble. With the last line of defense fallen, Spike breaks off a piece of stalactite (or is it stalagmite?), climbs onto Twilight, and rides her through the gate…and right into the waiting Diamond Dogs, who quickly give up Rarity and all the gems she found if they’ll just take her with them.

Once back outside, Rarity tells the group that just because she’s a lady doesn’t mean she can’t defend herself, and that even a ladylike pony can use her wits to overcome anything. Twilight translates this into her lesson for the week, while Spike just gorges himself on gems.

REVIEW:

Much like “Suited for Success,” this episode was mostly about expanding on Rarity’s character. But where that one focused on showcasing her generosity and business savvy, here it’s about how she’d handle herself in a life-or-death crisis. Because…well, her track record isn’t exactly the best. She kicked a manticore in the face…but then gave up when its roar mussed up her mane. She got rid of a tree branch in Twilight’s house…after wasting time trying to reorganize her bookshelf. And let’s not forget the mess with the dragon, where her greed torpedoed her attempts to get it to leave. So…yeah, not looking too good there.

(This is the part where someone jumps up saying I got Rarity all wrong.)

The opening scene with Sapphire Shores is mostly there for laughs and to set up the reason why Spike and Rarity are gem hunting, but there are still some things I liked. I love the fact that there’s actual pop culture and music in Equestria, something that writers of fantasy/sci-fi settings often forget to address. Rarity’s reaction is pretty spot-on for anyone who has a celebrity walk into their shop, and again, shows her business savvy. The fact that Sapphire even knows who Rarity is implies that her star is rising in the fashion world, which makes “Suited for Success” more meaningful and “Sweet and Elite” make less sense. (Although to be fair, the last one was mostly with Canterlot snobs who wouldn’t give anypony from a “hick town” like Ponyville the time of day.) And yes, Rarity fainting is always funny.

The bits with Spike and Rarity in this episode are by far my favorite moments between the two this season. While one could argue that her just giving him one gem when she has an entire wagon full isn’t exactly fair since he’s doing the manual labor while she just uses her horn like a dowsing rod, the fact is she’s actually treating him very well and like a member of a group. Contrast that with “Green Isn’t Your Color,” where she basically uses him as a pincushion with no real regard for him, and “Party of One,” where she uses him to take out moldy, disgusting garbage and pushes him away. Here, it’s a lot closer to the friendlier, enjoyable relationship they have in the second season, albeit without the squicky shipping angle. And I loved Spike holding onto the gem as a real gift, rather than just munching it down.

Most of the scene is just visual gags, with Spike doing various things to dig out the gems, holding them in his mouth like a dog, and just dragging the little red wagon along. And then we meet the Diamond Dogs. If I had to list my least favorite minor villains from the first season, the Diamond Dogs would be near the top of that list. The visual design was just okay, and while I liked the Gollum-like voice of the main dog, I didn’t care much for anything else about them. They’re just basic, greedy, stupid villains, and that works fine for this story, but I highly doubt they could carry any other episode by themselves.

Anyway, I liked the bit where they eyed Spike as the one to take, only to quickly realize that it’s Rarity they want. Far too many shows would have just had them kidnap Spike, realize later that he’s not the right one, and then either make Spike bluff his way through until help arrives to have the cavalry save him just as he’s about to become the next entrée. Here, the dogs at least have enough brain cells to figure out who is finding the gems.

The subsequent ambush highlights one of the things I love about this episode. While a lot of attention is paid to Rarity manipulating the dogs and coming out on top, this episode also beefs up Spike considerably. He actually tries to fight off the dogs, and despite being a baby dragon, actually holds his own until he gets flung and stuck on a tree branch. Rarity only gets caught because she got too close to one of the tunnel entrances. Her reaction to dirt on her hooves is also a nice bit of false foreshadowing, as it sets her up as being too ladylike to handle herself in such a dire situation.

The scenes with the remaining Mane 6 trying to get into the tunnels is mostly padding, but it has two purposes. The first is to try and set the Diamond Dogs up as a serious threat, not only to the audience but to the characters as well. They can block the tunnels, pop up out of the ground, and effortlessly keep our heroes at bay. This ties into the second, where everypony is thinking about how helpless Rarity is. While these segments are funny on their own and explain why they think Rarity is in such danger, it does beg the question of whether that’s how they really think of Rarity.

Fortunately, Spike is actually portrayed very well this time, so he sacrifices his precious gem to get the group inside. This is followed by his own fantasy segment, which is basically the dream of every young boy who’s ever lived: being a badflank superhero smacking down armies of nameless henchmen before saving the damsel in distress and doing…whatever it is you do with damsels. Besides the hilariously Liefeldian design, I also liked how Spike’s voice and attitude change as he gets deeper and deeper into the dream. At first, he’s just using his regular voice, but by the end he’s shifted to a British accent, is speaking in flowery English, and of course, kisses the now-princess Rarity. The dream shifting into the reality of him almost kissing Applejack is a fairly stock gag, but still funny.

I love our heroes getting dragged down the tunnels. The visual design here is very good, the idea of five ponies and a dragon hanging on by their tails is cute on its own, and I adore Pinkie riding the group like a sled. And when they get down there, Spike once again shows some brains and figures that they’d go down the tunnel with the most gems. The little guy is really pulling his weight this episode, which makes me wonder why he never gets to be this way whenever he stars in an episode.

And then we get to the real focus of the last act: Rarity whining. No, really. Rarity whines and complains and snivels for the next six to seven minutes. And it is glorious. She puts up her best passive-aggressive defense, purposely works slowly and sloppily, and throws whining fits in order to get the others to do what she wants. Of course, this is very much what you should never do in a kidnapping situation, but hey, the Diamond Dogs are morons, so it works. And I would be forever ashamed if I failed to mention this little gem:

She manages to manipulate the dogs into becoming her servants for a brief moment, but fortunately the staff realized this wasn’t exactly a brilliant move this early in the episode and had them rebel and reassert themselves. And then we get the mule scene. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present Miss Rarity, now being played by a pig in a pony suit:

So…yeah, that’s pretty much Rarity’s bit. And while it does show that she’s able to think on her hooves and not become a mere damsel, the way they went about it was to make her a whiny crybaby that drives the kidnappers bonkers until they just give her up. I could see a multitude of ways that could go wrong, from the dogs just deciding she’s not worth it and killing her to locking her away to break her spirits, but they’re complete morons, and she can see that they’re complete morons, so it works.

If you wanted more proof that the dogs just suck, five of them manage to capture the party (after following Rarity’s cries) and try to turn them into their new workhorses. Unfortunately, they’re so pathetic that even a physically weak pony like Twilight can buck them aside. And then we get one last YouTube clip for the review:

I always love when they include little bits that remind you that these are indeed ponies. I also enjoy the little gags where the ponies get offended when anyone tries to ride them or says things like “Giddyup” or “Hi ho!” It’s just another one of those little touches that make this show even better. Spike also gets his last burst of heroism as he and Twilight smash down the door…and immediately rescue Rarity. Just don’t approach her in a fighting position. It never ends well.

The lesson is one that is very important, especially with the media of today. A female character can be ladylike and not be weak because of it. While I chide Rarity at times for being fashion-focused, greedy, and vain, she is still a very well-rounded character and a good example of how such an archetype can still be used in modern media.

CONCLUSION:

This was a solid episode for both Rarity and Spike. The Diamond Dogs are pathetic antagonists, but they work for this kind of story. The end message is a good one, there are plenty of good character bits, and outside of some padding early on, the story flowed very well. When combined with “Suited for Success” and “Green Isn’t Your Color,” the second half of the first season makes for a much more likeable (to me) Rarity than the first.

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Well, that was fun. Now let’s look at our next fun-fun episode! And stop stealing lines from the show!

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…Oh no…

…Tune in tomorrow for pain.