Read It Later Reviews #4 – First Kiss, Best Friends Anniversary, Late Fees, Her Scarf Fluttered in the Wind, Three Hazards of Ponyville · 10:03am Dec 15th, 2014
Sometimes, I browse the bookshelves of people who favorite my stories. Sometimes, some of the stories catch my eye and I decide to mark them as “read it later”.
This is the result.
The five stories I read today:
First Kiss by Pony With A Hat
”Best Friends” Anniversary Announcement by Rainbow FlutterDash
Late Fees by MrNumbers
Her Scarf Fluttered in the Absence of Wind by ArgonMatrix
Three Hazards of Ponyville by Rocinante
First Kiss
by Pony With A Hat
Romance, Comedy, Slice of LifeRainbow Dash's First Kiss wasn't exactly what she expected... but.... it'll do...
Gotta love those awkward moments.
Why I added it: This was on someone’s bookshelf and promised awkward moments.
Review
I feel kind of bad reviewing this story, because I just found it out of the blue and it is obvious the writer is still learning the craft of writing. It has a lot of problems with telling instead of showing and excessive adjectives; the latter is generally forgivable, but when I am being told what is being said rather than actually reading dialogue, it generally causes me to quickly lose interest in the story – there is little reason to say that Pinkie Pie was talking about a random musical instrument rather than actually having her do so. The wavering between showing and telling really spoiled the story for me, and thus, rather than being able to enjoy the awkward moment of Rainbow Dash kissing Scootaloo, I was already disengaged by that point.
The worst of it was, though, that the actual climax – Rainbow Dash accidentally kissing Scootaloo – happened very quickly and didn’t really go anywhere interesting. I was hoping to see how they would deal with it and why it was interesting, but instead it just kind of happened and Rainbow Dash kind of apologized and that was that.
Recommendation: Not recommended.
“Best Friends” Anniversary Party
by Rainbow Flutterdash
Romance, Comedy, RandomLyra and Bon-Bon have been dating for awhile now, but because they are fillyfoolers, they've decided to keep it secret - at least for now. However, when Lyra's friend slips up and tells Pinkie that it's their anniversary, Pinkie thinks she means "Best Friends Anniversary" and decides to throw a... PARTY!
Will there romance stay secret under the eyes of anypony with un-Pinkie-ish logic?
Why I added it: This was on someone’s bookshelf and the title and concept amused me. I didn’t notice the there/their error in the description until just now.
Review
This story starts out saccharine, but the real problem is that it contains too much fluff; there is a great deal of material before Pinkie Pie decides to throw her awesome “Best Friends” anniversary party, which is really what we’re all looking forward to… but instead, we end up getting hit upside the face with a lot of fluff from the start. A lot of this material could have been condensed down into a single scene which set up for their friend to accidentally sic Pinkie Pie on them.
The story also has some issues with being too telly – we get some bits where the story tells us directly that a character is embarrassed when it could have been more effectively and interestingly communicated via dialogue and body language without bogging down the story.
But frankly, the story’s greatest crime was that the climax was a letdown. A “Best Friends” anniversary party – preferably with the quotes around it – has enormous, enormous potential for comedy, either with everyone misunderstanding, or with everyone understanding exactly what it means except for Pinkie Pie (or possibly including Pinkie Pie, who thinks she is totally being subtle). Instead… it just kind of happened, and then they snuck away, and at the end Bon Bon decided that their relationship didn’t need to be a secret anymore.
I was terribly disappointed, because this was a really funny idea and I didn’t feel like the story paid off on it.
Recommendation: Not recommended, but I really want someone to write a story about Pinkie Pie throwing a friendship anniversary party now.
Late Fees
by MrNumbers
Comedy, Slice of LifeTwilight Sparkle, Princess of Equestria, is still, above all else, a dedicated librarian and bibliophile. Books must be cared for. Books must be returned on time.
Books must be respected.
Why I added it: This was on someone’s bookshelf and the title caught my attention.
Review
This story documents the not-quite demise of one Caramel, who does not treat a book with proper respect and discovers, much to his chagrin, that Twilight does not appreciate such behavior.
Unfortunately, the premise is fundamentally the story, and while the story continues to escalate Twilight’s anger, I ended up not really feeling it. I’m not quite sure why – perhaps it is simply too long for what it is, or perhaps it is simply that, being primed for the idea that Twilight is going to massively overreact to someone bringing in a late, damaged book, the idea is already in my head and thus the execution can’t quite live up to my expectation, but I didn’t end up laughing at this story.
Maybe I do really hate everything.
Recommendation: Not recommended.
Her Scarf Fluttered in the Absence of Wind
by ArgonMatrix
Slice of LifeA dragon has lived alone for centuries in a cave far beneath the earth. When a pony trespasses on his domain through no fault of her own, what will become of her?
Why I added it: This was on someone’s bookshelf and the title caught my attention.
Review
A young Cadance, still unable to fly, falls down into the nest of a great dragon. The dragon rescues her from the magmatic walls of his cave, but refuses to either harm nor help her – she is nothing more than a nuisance to him, and despite her repeated attempts at either leaving or getting him to help her out of his cave so that she won’t bother him anymore, he does nothing. However, while he threatens her time and again, he never takes any sort of real action against her, merely trying to cow her. Gradually, we see more of the dragon’s past, and what made him what he was, and at the end he helps Cadance leave.
The story does exactly what it is trying to do, and yet, I still have a great deal of difficulty recommending it to anyone else. I felt like the story of the dragon was incomplete – was his motive guarding his mother’s treasure? If so, it was not made very explicit by the text, and indeed, his mother’s disappearance seemed to be linked to worry over the treasure, which makes me wonder why it mattered in the first place. Likewise, while Cadance’s link to the loss of her own mother creates a bit of a bond between them, I never really felt like it was a complete story.
It happened, and there wasn’t anything wrong with it, but I never really felt thrilled.
Recommendation: Not recommended, much as it pains me to do so – it isn’t bad, but it just feels like it is missing that extra little piece. I still love the title of the story.
Three Hazards of Ponyville
by Rocinante
Comedy, Slice of LifeBefore the crusaders, there was the three hazards of Ponyville. It's been ten years since the hazards promised to meet again some sunny day. The promise thay made that day will shine through the trouble that split them apart in the years after.
Why I added it: This was on someone’s bookshelf and the premise caught my attention.
Review
Years ago, before the Cutie Mark Crusaders, there were the Hazards of Ponyville – Applejack, Spitfire, and Lyra. Apparently the even worse predecessors of the Crusaders, they were once the terror of Ponyville, doing crazy and/or stupid things. Ten years later, they meet back up in the clubhouse – the clubhouse which now belongs to the Cutie Mark Crusaders – to drink and reminisce about old times.
Which naturally leads to them trying to pull the one stunt that they never did: launching a wagon over Town Hall on a ramp.
The story is very nostalgic, and is what you would expect the Cutie Mark Crusaders themselves to do when they grow up – basically, trying to recapture some of the halcyon days of youth. The story is decent enough, but it never goes above and beyond – the idea is executed fairly decently but plainly, in a no-frills fashion, and while there’s nothing wrong with the story, it didn’t make me feel the same sense of nostalgia which infested the characters.
Recommendation: Not recommended.
Summary
First Kiss by Pony With A Hat
Not Recommended
”Best Friends” Anniversary Announcement by Rainbow FlutterDash
Not Recommended
Late Fees by MrNumbers
Not Recommended
Her Scarf Fluttered in the Absence of Wind by ArgonMatrix
Not Recommended
Three Hazards of Ponyville by Rocinante
Not Recommended
I think in the future I shall stick to more active recommendations for stories I read.
Seeing things like this, though, sometimes, I wonder, maybe, if I really do hate everything.
But then I see a smiling pony and I remember that there is at least one thing that I like - good dental care. And cute ponies, I guess.
Number of stories still listed as "Read It Later - Recommended": 144.
Number of stories listed as “Read It Later”: 1519
Mumble grumble, grumble mumble.
2654538
I'm sorry man.
I originally was intending to call these "TD hates everything", kind of half-jokingly, but it has increasingly become clear that it isn't really much of a joke if I really do hate everything.
It's always interesting seeing your reviews - perhaps even more so because I don't always agree with them. I think the only reviewer I've seen as harsh as you is InquisitorM - but that's not really a bad thing. After all, it's the harshest (constructive) criticisms that improve ones writing.
In this particular instance, I personally disagree with your assessment of Late Fees, but that seems to be more "it payed off for me, but didn't for you" kind of a thing. Her Scarf Fluttered In The Absence Of Wind on the other hand I just flat out disagree with you on.
I don't think this needs to be expanded upon - it's one of those situations where the reader is left to fill in the details themselves, or not. This is not, in the end, the story of the dragon and his mother, or even why he is the way he is - instead it is the story of how his interactions with Cadance affect him.
The others though, you pretty much nailed.
2654553
Don't worry about it. The mumble, grumble is in good humour, I assure you.
There is a three page thread on Something Awful dedicated to just how awful Demesne is.
This? This is nothing. You didn't point out why it was an irredeemably awful crapfic (burn it, burn it!), just that the humour didn't work for you, personally.
We can still be friends. For now.
2654565
I think the main problem was this:
I felt like there was a lot of push with the backstory and the repetition of the honorable, ruthless, just, unfair, cruel thing - it was repeated three times in the story, but I never really felt like it went anywhere. It isn't so much that we needed to know all the details so much as that a chunk of the story felt extraneous - the dragon's interactions in the present with Cadance were reasonable, and the loss of his mother being a tie to her was reasonable, and him leaving the tunnel unblocked was a reasonable callback, but the bits about dragon culture felt like they were important given how many times they were repeated, and yet they never really seemed to matter much.
Also, I think part of the reason that I am harsh in my criticism is because, in my mind, when I tell someone that something is worth reading or recommend something to someone, I am taking their time - time they could be spending on other things. If something isn't particularly noteworthy, then it isn't worth going out of your way to experience. A lot of things - games, stories, art - is adequate. Only a small amount is truly exceptional. And yet, there is probably enough exceptional work in the world that you could never run out of it, if only you could find it all.
2654580
That's kind of sad, really.
I haven't read all of Demense, but what I did read I found enjoyable enough to read. I greatly enjoyed "Rarity Loses Her Virginity in a Poker Game". I will probably read Demense when it is finished.
This reminds me - I have a project which I've had on the backburner for like, half a year. You wrote a Twinkie story. Should I put it on my RL - Recommended list? 490:11 is a pretty good ratio, do you still like it?
I shall neglect from 'replying' to you, since you'll get the notification anyway, and we both know to which I'm referring. With that in mind:
Egads, I adore that story of mine, but I'd need to seriously edit it first. This was before I realized I had a problem keeping tenses consistent throughout a piece. However, once it was seriously brought to my attention just how much of an issue it was, the readers disappeared and with it the motivation.
For you to recommend it in the future, I would feel... itchy, were that not fixed.
I'll get right on that.
2654584
That's a fascinating and very worthy way of looking at life. I kind of wish I had the strength to be quite so discerning - while I do agree that there is enough exceptional content in the world to keep me occupied for a lifetime, finding it all could also take a lifetime. So I tend to read the "good" and the "pretty good" as well as the "exceptional".
As for the pieces about dragon culture, I see what you are getting at, but I feel that the dragon culture was there more to give the story a greater sense of depth than anything else - a sense that there is a whole world just waiting beyond the borders of what has been written. However, that doesn't mean it's been done perfectly - it does weaken the story a little. I still think it's worth reading, but I think that can be put down to what you said about things being "truly exceptional" - you simply have higher standards than I do (god it feels depressing to say that).
I don't think you hate everything, you just have Ms. Harshwhinny-like standards for what's a fic to be recommended.
It's becoming apparent that the two of us must never touch. The hatred-antihatred reaction might knock the Earth out of its orbit.
Does that last one go into how/why Spitfire is from Ponyville? Because that's the one thing that catches me off guard.
I'll call that a good review, for a story I pounded out in 4 hours.
2654826
No, I never put that into the story. It did not seem relevant to the immediate narrative. I do have a "how that met" story outlined. Once I get some other story out of the way, I may add a some chapters that take place during that time.
2654875
It sounds like a great idea, I just can't buy Spitfire coming from Ponyville and not Cloudsdale. I might read it anyway.
My favorite parts of Late Fees were the very start when Twilight is pondering the eldritch abomination in her tea kettle and how normal that seems, and near the end when the story flips over to the Princesses talking about if Twilight was warned about the mood swings. I found it funny, but I admit that the parts actually involving Twilight ever escalating temper did go on a bit longer than they could have. I like that sort of thing though.
2655270
I didn't mention it in my review, but yeah, that was probably the best part for me. Very whimsical.
2654917
You can really put young Spitfire anywhere, if you play the "military family" card. Plenty of kids have been moved from a military base in Germany, to some podunk town in rural America.
Wow, who knew Simon Cowell was a brony?
2654580
> There is a three page thread on Something Awful dedicated to just how awful Demesne is
Ah, yes, Something Awful. The forums that were a cesspool before being a cesspool became cool and all the kids went off and started *chans.
Are they still a cesspool these days? Are they even still relevant? I mean, I recognize the name because they had a thread about me in the 1990s … which should tell you something right there. You can't even get hate from web 2.0, man. You're getting mocked by the forum equivalent of Geocities.
2654584
This suggests two things.
1) Maybe you need a finer-grained scale. I mean, if you're only "Recommending" what you consider to be 5-star stories (out of 5 or out of 10, whichever), you can still usefully distinguish between the 1, 2, 3, and 4s, and if readers decide they're not as discriminating as you are then they can click through to the 3s and 4s if something catches their eye.
2) If you do want the vast mass of stories to be undifferentiated "not recommended", maybe you should mix up your reviews a bit so that you're throwing something in from your rec list along with the ones you're reading new. If your goal is to point readers at better stories, a giant wall of NRs doesn't accomplish that goal, because you're not pointing to anything people should read.
2655850
I have come to believe that "7/10 its alright - IGN" is a trap. To the reader, the difference between a 7 and an 8 is one point. To the actual grader, though, a 7 is "meh" and an 8 is "there is something worthy here" and a 9 is "great". From the standpoint of a creator, the difference between a mediocre story and a terrible story is enormous, with the latter being something which can be fixed while the former may just be fundamentally broken. From the perspective of a consumer, though, a knife which doesn't cut very well and a knife which doesn't cut at all are both inadequate to their needs. It may take less to go from "barely inadequate" to "adequate" than it does to go from "awful" to "adequate", but does that matter to a consumer?
It is far too easy, as a reviewer, to go "eh, this was okay, I guess". There is a natural human tendency to avoid upsetting people, and to avoid owning up to our true feelings about something. By having nothing below "worth reading" other than "not recommended", it forces me to actually face my real feelings and fess up to them. I didn't downvote all of the stories I didn't recommend, but that doesn't mean I really liked them.
This is probably true, and is something I will try and do in the future. There is no point in seeing a bunch of reviews for stories you never would have seen anyway and seeing them all not be recommended to you.
2655494
Ah, now that would make a ton of sense!
Garnering a recommended or favorite from you is now on my bucket list