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Amy Clockwork

Joined January 2013
69 followers

Writer and Project Lead for Then the Shadows Whisper, FiM Fiction Enthusiast and Reviewer, Lover of Ponies

Mar
14th
2013

Well, SimCity proved to be a complete failure so I spent much of my week on Youtube and watching the launcher tell me Servers Busy: Please wait a hundred more hours. Of course, much of that time fimfiction.net stared at me from that comfortable place on my bookmarks bar like a lost cat longing for attention. I think all of you can guess what was the first thing I saw: an unread story that has 10,000+ views. This should be a piece of cake. So let’s get reviewing shall we? Better formatted review found on Google Docs.

Chromosome’s White Box is nothing short of a masterpiece. For being a short story that shouldn't bring much investment when it comes to character development (due to time constraints), this story hooked me from the start with its excellent writing style and winning narration. Even with its considerably large plot holes, White Box was an incredibly touching and thought provoking experience. Here is why this story made me shed some liquid pride.

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White Box by Chromosome

Complete (last updated April 18, 2012)

My name is Canvas. I remember because I wrote it in the corner of the white box. It takes twelve steps to get from the cot to the wall. And the lights hurt my eyes. Read it here.

Tags: Tragedy

Rating: Teen

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White Box is an interesting take on insanity or more accurately, lack of knowledge. The whole drive behind it is questioning why the character thinks the way he does. What is most fascinating is how well the narrative immerses me into Canvas’s head. Canvas, more precisely his thoughts, narrate the story and it makes the narrative legitimately from his point of view. In fact, the narrative is probably the highest point in this story. Not to mention how his thoughts flow really well and feel incredibly natural. Since the story is mostly thought driven, I was surprised when I found myself not asking about details of actions or environments.

This first-person, thought-driven setup takes on a few issue and succeeds past my expectations, because of how simple everything seems at first. To me, it was shaping up to a really simple-minded approach to Canvas’s character. I shocked when it did the complete opposite. I found that White Box was so brilliantly set up to later so us just how much he develops as a character! In addition, it delivers one hell-of-a-punch when things got intense near the end.

The pacing was excellently done and it became apparent when the climax felt like a train hit me. The build up was excellent and there weren’t any parts that felt rushed or overstayed their welcome. Twilight’s appearance was spot on and Chromosome put her in a place we have never seen before: what she will do when she sees other ponies doing wrong deeds. Twi stayed true to her character and reacted just as she would in the show. This is pretty amazing considering how we’ve never seen such a situation canonized.

Unfortunately, White Box has a big flaw to it. As mentioned in the beginning of my review, this story has some plot holes. Although it wraps up nicely, several questions are left unanswered. A fair share of things were not explained and left me wondering if there was more. I consider this major problem because  White Box doesn't have any excuse to continue the main conflict.

There are not enough words in the modern English dictionary to express how much I recommend this story. To summarize, mind-blowing narrative, incredible character development, excellent pacing, and an intense climax came together to make a real masterpiece. White Box is must-read for anyone looking to a short, touching story. Thank you Chromosome. This was Admujica, see you guys next time.

White Box gets a rating of: 9 out of 10

Read it here. (Click it NOW!)

=== Enjoy your Spring Break everyone!!! ===

Amy Clockwork · 286 views · Edited 78w, 6d ago · Report

Comments ( 1 )

#1 · 79w, 2d ago · · ·

This review was re-posted because of a little (kind-of large) mistake I made. The story is actually titled White Box and I kept calling it The White Box. :twilightoops: God, I need to pay more attention to these things. Thanks to RazgrizS57 on Reddit for pointing that out!

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