Letter 48: Here.
To my faithful student, Twilight Sparkle,
It is always difficult when the target of our romantic affections are unwilling or unable to return them in kind, and it is always harder when they are somepony already close to your heart even before physical attraction and romance are introduced. It saddens me on your behalf to know that you had to learn this lesson in this way, but it is very important to realize that our first loves rarely work out as we would desire, and the objects of our first desire rarely satisfy for long.
I encourage you to talk to Fluttershy about this - not as a means of convincing her to give you a 'chance' of course, if you have to change yourself so drasticly to make it even possibly work with another pony it isn't worth it - but to discuss your friendship, and try to take solace that even though she wasn't interested romantically, she was still interested in spending time with you.
If it helps, I have it on good authority that after the Gala fiasco, Rarity is willing to try a mare as a romantic partner at least. I'm not very certain that you could handle a relationship with Rainbow Dash, if in a physical sense if nothing else. Still, remember that the best kind of romances are natural, and grow toward something beautiful just by letting them.
Your loving mentor,
Princess CelestiaPS. If in the meantime you just need to tend certain needs, your sister-in-law can probably reccomend some tools and literature for you and your particular tastes. As long as Shining Armor isn't involved, you don't need to worry.
Dear Anon,
We ponies are rather elastic aren't we? Shame about the minimum size requirement, wouldn't you think?
Penned by,
HRH CelestiaPS. Luna turned another interesting shade, but she did laugh.
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9877201
Yay soemone got it!
Ouch! Someone get Anon some cold water for that burn...
Oh man some call the fire department...
Plz anyone anon needs some milk.
9877511
I don't think "some cold water" would be enough...
As expected the sun goddess really is a master of the burn.
It also reminds me of another story, where Celestia laments the size difference between her and equestrian stallions, she describes it as "a twig in a wind tunnel"
I can hear Anon crying next to Twilight at reading this.
9877974
I myself used the term “wheat-sprig blowing down a hallway” to put a vegan twist on the “hotdog down a hallway” line.
9877974
I remember that! What was the nam of that story? I can’t remember
To the rainbow-horses 🖕
Eh, I'm sure that DIscord might be willing to "make a deal" of one kind or another if Anon needs a few alterations done. Granted, Discord is a bit insane, so Anon might end up taller instead of better equipped if he decides to allude to things rather than say it outright.
And on the note of Discord, how did he react?? Did he applaud, or was he sad that he wasn't invited?
Ah but that's the thing about size requirements, someone who does not meet the optimum size requirement will make sure to spend an hour+ making sure she is all good to go before he does, tis the benefit of being a social outcast sometimes.
Not enough cold water in the world, man... :D
Oh the kind of deals Anon could make with Discord to excede the minimum size requirement...
9920293
There’s a reason only the truly braindead animals mess with humans.
Anyway, human dicks are far harder which enables it to be used in vastly superior ways.
9877931
I don't think dry ice would work either.
He need some M I L K!
I now imagine the Princesses wearing a sign saying "You must be this tall to ride"...
Wait, why did Celestia write a reply to Twilight? I though Twi made Anon promise not to tell anyone and Celestia replying to her makes Anon look like a promise breaker.
10783556
The response was written as if Anon had something tactful about the breakup or Twilight being upset, not as if he explained in lurid detail that Flutters was quite merrily testing the limits of pony elasticity. My interpretation was he promised not to tell anyone about what was seen, not about what stemmed from the encounter (as I very carefully avoid certain alternative phrasings).