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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Yes new chapter
Good chapter rainbow as always
WOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!! New chapter, alright!
Mmk
I don't... hate it... I love the idea as its rather unique from what I've seen on this site thus far but it does have its faults. One the grammar needs work as does the pacing, as well as some capitalization but other than that I do like it
You seriously need an editor.
Man..... This is a decent story with a strong primus.
But, that's where my praise ends. I just can't keep going. I wanted to keep reading, but the pacing is just horrible. And there are so many wholes in the plot that it's scary. I mean first he's a ghostly white 3 tailed talking fox. That blatantly states that he's from another world, yet Twilight who is addicted to learning new things didn't even question that. Then they literally see him butt ass naked. While he fought Nightmare Moon to a stand still, yet besides pointing out him having a banging bod. No one noticed or asked about the supposed scars, and brandings on him. Not even the two wepon spirits pointed it out. Hell he literally stripped right in front of both Rarity and Twilight yet besides getting hot and bothered they still didn't notice! However! The second he steps out the shower he now has black hair and scars?! Plus there's now some crazy demonic bitch in his head, that also came out of no where!? Come on man! Come on man I want to read this! Really I do but I need some structure in the story. I have two recommendations for you 1st get an editor, or second rewrite the first few chapters and add all of this info into it. For example when he was hearing the voice in the woods you could have made it sound or have him ask if it's the demonic psycho bitch. Then when he gets surrounded by the gaurds, you could've thrown a flashbacks to when he escaped area 651 or whatever you called it. Then during the nightmare fight or after it have ether one of the main six (like Fluttershy), or the wepon spirits notice his scars. Finally make his hair fucking white! You spent all this time describing him with a ghost like white pelt with black accents, which should've transfered over into his new fox eared/tailed body. So why the fuck is it black! Hell you should've just left it white, or just not mention the color all together. Have describe his skin tone scars, and messy hair then stop there. No need to mention the color of said hair. Then have him see the demonic psycho bitch and describe her like you did. Seriously man like I said you have a decent story with a strong primus. Honestly this could/should be a great story, but you need to polish it. No honestly there isn't anything you need to do, but I would like it if you polished your story more.... Or at least plotted it better. I'll give you a thumbs up, but I'll have to stop here for now.... Maybe when I have nothing else on my reading list I'll give this another reread.... Good luck
This story has almost the same set up as A Wolf Among Ponies, which I assumed was your inspiration for this story, considering the fact that you read the story and were one of the main commentators of it.
I like where this is going, but the beginning was kind of rough
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My view is that it stars out as a distorted mirror and then goes into its own. I call that a very hard springboard