Sometimes even friends want to strangle each other.
Life in Ponyville is weird, really weird. Sometimes an unlucky pony creates a satanic hell spawn muffin. Sometimes the town is threatened with Atomic destruction other times it's saved by a mare with a carton of milk. Other times it's just a bad hair day, these are some of those times.
It was a quiet evening in Ponyville, the streets were silent and the candles had been blown out. Like most days at about 7pm the shops began to close and ponies returned to their homes to spend the rest of their evening with their families. Though Carrot Top had just returned to her home, she had no family waiting for her. To some she may seem like a lonely mare but that's just how she liked it, just her some pop corn and some late night television.
After several hours of watching her favorite series Mythbuckers, Carrot had finally decided to pack it in for the night. She turned off her television and checked her doors to ensure they had been locked. Though Ponyville wasn’t one of the safest places in Equestria, the inhabitants knew that if any creature truly wanted to get them they wouldn’t bother using the front door. However the residents had learned a long time ago to lock their doors as the resident party mare Pinkie Pie could strike at anytime, and for just about any reason.
After double checking all the doors to ensure she wouldn't have any late night parties, Carrot Top made her way up stairs. After brushing her teeth she headed to her bedroom. She climbed into her bed and placed her head on her pillow and almost instantly she fell into blissful sleep.
*Thump, Thump, Thump"
The sudden sound shook Carrot Top from her sleep and she plummeted to her death or to the floor which ever was closer.
Carrot picked herself off the floor and looked around the room for any sign of what had awaken her.
*Thump, Thump, Thump"
The Door! Carrot top realized, she left her room and headed down stairs, as she reached her front door lack of sleep and paranoia set in. What if it's a serial killer? She thought.
*Thump, Thump, Thump*
What if it wants to kill me and then turn me into cupcakes? Carrot Top paused for a moment and tried to remember why that thought seemed so familiar after several seconds of deep thought Carrot remembered exactly where she had heard it before. It had been the plot of an extremely bad horror movie she had watched a few days earlier.
*Thump, Thump, Thump*
Now or never she thought to herself as she prepared to open the door. However before the poor mare could even see through the small crack she had opened. Whatever or whoever was on the other side of the door decided to begin the attack.
"You won't turn me into Cupcakes." She yelled as she closed her eyes and threw her hooves up defensively.
"Why would I do that?" Her attacker asked.
Carrot Top didn't dare lower her hooves, though she recognized the voice. She slowly began to open her eyes and as her attacker came into focus all sense of fear was removed and was replaced with a sense of relief, relief and anger.
"Ditzy!? Are you insane? It's 3 in the morning, what are you doing here?" Carrot asked the wobbly eyed mare.
"Sorry Carrot, I didn't mean to scare you." she answered as she began to climb off the orange mare.
"It's okay Ditzy" said Carrot as she pulled herself back up for the second time in the last five minutes. She wiped the dirt of herself and turned back to her friend "So, what are you doing here anyways?"
Ditzy began to shift her hooves awkwardly as she attempted to avoid the question, hoping that Carrot might just forget and invite her inside. However Ditzy's luck still hadn't changed.
"Ditzy? Are you going to tell me why you're here or not?" Carrot asked again as she began to grow impatient.
Ditzy's eyes began to shift even more than usual never focusing on the same thing, yet neither of them ever locked on Carrot top.
"Well you see Carrot; it’s a funny story actually." She said with a nervous chuckle "I kind of don't have a house anymore." she finished with another chuckle.
Carrot was stunned "What do you mean, don’t have a house? Are you okay?"
Ditzy looked even more awkward now "Don't worry Carrot, I'm okay. There was just a tiny explosion and some fire and another explosion and possible more fire."
If Carrot Tops jaw could have dropped any further, it would have but as the laws of the universe currently stood, it couldn't.
"Explosion!? Fire?! What happened!?" Shouted Carrot Top. Quickly realizing how loud she had been and covered her mouth with a hoof.
"I was working on a project and something went wrong, then it went really wrong, then I ignored it. Now I don't have a house."
Ditzy said as she pulled a partially charred piece of paper from her mail bag.
Carrot Top took the sheet from Ditzy and began to read "Luna's starter kit for extreme Scientists" She tried to make out the rest of the writing but had no luck. "So you blew up your house using a foal’s science kit?" she asked. Carrot had always known Ditzy was a little strange but she never knew she was capable of this.
Ditzy shook her head "No, no I contacted Princess Luna directly after the accident, She told me that there must have been a mix up with the box. I didn't get Luna's starter kit for extreme scientists; I got Nightmare's starter kit for extremely evil scientists. The Princess even said she would pay for the damages to rebuild my house."
Carrot Top was having a hard time processing everything she had just heard.
"So you're telling me because of a simple boxing mix up, you managed to blow up your house?
Ditzy nodded her head "That's about right, which leads me to why I'm here. Could I stay with you for a bit?"
Carrot Top was hesitant to answer; she loved Ditzy like a sister, a sister who had just blown up her house but a sister nonetheless. "Don't you have any family in Ponyville?"
Ditzy shook her head "No pony in Ponyville the only family I have is in Canterlot and I already know they don't have any room. Though Princess Luna did invite me to stay at the castle."
Carrot Top raised an eyebrow "Really? The Princess invited you to stay at the castle? Why didn't you accept? It’s beautiful up there."
Ditzy Shrugged "Apparently Princess Luna really wanted me to come stay with them, but Princess Celestia told her they already had too many Characters in their story, whatever that means."
Carrot stared at the grey mare; Ditzy really didn't have anywhere else to stay. Carrot Top knew she had the room, and deep down she knew she couldn't leave her friend hanging.
Just as she was about to give Ditzy the good news she noticed the pleading look on her face. It was quite funny actually Ditzy was trying to give her best sad filly face. However due to her eyes she appeared to be suffering from motion sickness
Carrot Top laughed "Okay Ditzy, I've got an extra room upstairs, make yourself comfortable."
For a split second both of Ditzy's eyes focused on Carrot Top and a look of pure joy covered her face.
"Oh thank you, thank you so much Carrot." She say joyfully as she hugged her bestest friend in the world.
With everything settled the two mares went back into the house. Ditzy and Carrot spent most of the evening talking. Carrot had learned that Ditzy's Project was actually an attempt to bake muffins using a small fusion reactor and some Tesla coils. Apparently some of the batter had seeped out of the pan and caused a meltdown. However the built in fail safe was all that saved Ponyville from total destruction.
Eventually the two mare had grown too tired to stay awake any longer Ditzy had already begun to drift off to sleep. Carrot Top was beginning to have a hard time keeping her eyes open. Carrot shook Ditzy out of her nap and the two mares headed off to bed. However Carrot Top had a hard time falling asleep as she came to the sudden realization that Ditzy had attempted to bake a batch of muffins with nuclear fusion. The very thought that her out of every pony in Equestria had been given nuclear capability terrified her to the deepest level. However fear began to give way to tiredness and as sleep finally began to take Carrot she began to think about how nice it might be to have someone to talk to more often.
.
Little did Carrot Top know, her life was about to change forever, or at least until Ditzy's house was rebuilt. Though probably forever.
(Author note: Before you post that comment, No I don't know how ponies brush their teeth. It's 2am if I had all the answers I wouldn't be here right now.)
"Hey Carrot! Carrot! Hey, hey, wake up, Carrot wake up!" Ditzy said as she shook the sleeping mare.
For the past twenty minutes Ditzy had attempted to wake her sleeping friend, but she hadn’t managed to do so, no matter how many times she tried. Her first attempt to wake Carrot up produced only a mumble for five more minutes from the sleeping mare, and the second attempt fared no better, and Ditzy had almost received a swift hoof to the jaw for her efforts.
Ditzy realized that these tactics were useless, and that she would have to find another way to wake her friend up. However, time was not on her side. Though it was the weekend, a mail mare’s work was never done and she had letters to deliver. She hoped that Carrot would be awake when she returned, but she didn't count on it.
When Ditzy left the house she checked to make sure she had locked the door. She then slung the mail bag over her neck and was about to head off towards the mail office until she was stopped by a mint green unicorn known as Lyra.
"Oh Ditzy, you dog, sneaking out early so nopony catches on to where you've been?" asked Lyra with a sly wink.
Ditzy was confused as to what ponies would catch her doing. It wasn’t like her delivering the mail was a secret. "I don't know what you're talking about. I wasn't sneaking; I was delivering the mail like I always do, Lyra." Ditzy said innocently.
Lyra eyed the mare. It was hard to tell if Ditzy was lying or not. Ditzy's eyes could never betray her, as they never seemed to be with her. However, Lyra was sure something was up.
"Sure you're not sneaking, you're just leaving Carrot’s house at six in the morning. This is completely normal for you." She finished with another wink.
"Why do you keep doing that?" asked Ditzy, concerned with her friends’ behavior.
"Doing what?" Answered Lyra, genuinely confused.
"Winking. You keep winking after each sentence. Do you have something in your eye?" she said eyeing Lyra and waiting for it to happen again.
"I don't know what you're talking about. We were just talking about how you’re leaving Carrot Top’s house at six in the morning completely non-suspiciously." She said finishing with another wink.
"There!" Ditzy shouted as she pointed a hoof accusingly at the unicorn. "You did it again."
Lyra was finally beginning to understand. Ditzy really and truly didn't get what she had been hinting at. Maybe she wasn't doing what Lyra had thought she had been doing. However, the larger portion of her mind happened to be the perverted portion, which had decided that Carrot and Ditzy had been doing what she believed they had been doing and no force could make her change her mind.
Lyra placed a hoof around Ditzy's neck. "Don't worry Ditzy, I won't tell anypony about you and Carrot Top, your secret’s safe with me." She said winking once again.
"What do you mean, secret!? How is me living with her a secret?" Ditzy said, growing annoyed. At this point all she wanted to do was get the mail and deliver it, but apparently Lyra had other plans.
"You're already living with her?! Don't you think you're moving this relationship a little bit too fast?" Lyra was stunned. She had never seen a relationship move quite this fast before.
Finally Ditzy began to understand what Lyra had been getting at. If it wasn't for her gray coat, the embarrassment that covered her face would have turned it a brilliant shade of red.
"I-It's not like that." stammered Ditzy "I'm just staying with Carrot until my house is rebuilt, we’re not in a relationship."
Now it was Lyra's turn to feel embarrassed. She had assumed that two of her friends were dating on the assumption that one of them was sneaking out of the other’s house.
Wait, did she say ‘till her house was rebuilt’? Lyra asked herself, before returning her gaze to the wobbly eyed mare.
"What happened to your house?" queried Lyra, concerned for her friend.
"Oh, I blew it up." answered Ditzy, returning to her calm and happy self.
"Wait, you blew your house up!?" Lyra was stunned. How does a pony go about blowing their house up in the middle of the night and not let everypony in town know? Better yet why hadn’t she heard the blast?
Ditzy laughed and replied "You know, you sound just like Carrot did last night. Before you ask, it was a science experiment gone wrong, and yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking."
"What do you mean science? How does somepony blow up their house doing a science experiment?!"
Ditzy sighed and said "Well, it looks like I'm going to be late again. Okay then Lyra, sit down and I'll tell you the whole story."
Both Lyra and Ditzy took a seat on the closest bench, and then Ditzy began to recount the events of the previous day. She went into great detail on how she made the perfect batch of muffins. She even told Lyra details she had left out when she had told Carrot Top what had happened to her. The main detail was that Ditzy had been the one to cause the melt down in an attempt to save Equestria from the radioactive monstrosity of a muffin she had created.
Several minutes later, Ditzy had finished telling her story and was ready to go to work. She gave Lyra a quick hug before trotting off, happily humming to herself.
Lyra opened the door to her cottage and walked back in, as she passed through the kitchen she bumped into Bon-Bon.
"Hey honey, back from your walk already?" asked the cream colored earth pony.
Lyra just nodded with a disturbed expression, her face pale, as if she had just seen some unspeakable horror. She continued past Bon-Bon and into their room.
I wonder what's gotten into her. Bon-Bon asked herself, and then shrugged as she picked up her saddle bags and left for work. She must be tired, Bon-Bon thought to herself, the two of them had had a pretty late night.
However, the thing that had caused the sudden shift in Lyra's mood was not a lack of sleep, but instead the knowledge that Ditzy had almost vaporized Ponyville while attempting to bake a batch of muffins. Though the shock she felt would eventually pass, she would always have that nagging fear in the back of her mind. But for now, all Lyra wanted to do was try and forget the morning.
Elsewhere in Ponyville, Ditzy had reached the mail office. The mare felt quite proud of herself. Despite all of the distractions, she arrived at work on time with an extra five minutes to spare.
"Morning Ditzy." Said the older red mare at the desk.
"Good Morning Postage, what do you have for me today?" Ditzy responded happily, and then placed her mail bag on the desk.
The red mare ducked out of view and entered the back room. After a couple of minutes of rummaging around, the mare returned with a small group of letters and a single package.
"This is all there is Ditzy, apparently it's a slow morning. You've got three letters to deliver, the first letter goes to Cake's, the second goes to the Apple family and the final letter is for you."
At this news Ditzy became excited. Sure, she delivers the mail every day, but it was extremely rare for her to receive mail. She tore the letter open like an excited filly opening a gift, but instead of receiving a letter from friends or family, or even a secret admirer like she had hoped, she instead got a mocking letter from the universe. Ditzy continued to eye the letter, a look of annoyance covering her face.
"So, what does it say?" asked Postage, obviously concerned by Ditzy's reaction.
"It's a letter about my cottage insurance, apparently because I've been with them for so long they’re lowering their price." she replied flatly.
"Well that sucks; they lower your insurance rate after your house explodes."
Ditzy nodded and said "Wait, I never said anything about my house exploding. Who told you?" She was confused by the mare’s knowledge as to what had occurred the day before.
Postage laughed and joked "Ditzy, your house exploded. You live across the street from me, how could I have not noticed?"
Ditzy laughed, responding with "Of course, that makes sense now that I think about it. So then so who’s the package for?"
"Oh, I had almost forgotten the package!" Postage said with a chuckle as she placed it on the counter. "That goes to Carrot Top. Apparently it's a new alarm clock. You remember where everypony lives, correct?"
Ditzy nodded, replying "You ask me that everyday and I've been doing this job for six years now, and I've lived in Ponyville for almost all my life. The Apple family is at Sweet Apple Acres. The Cake's are at Sugarcube corner." She finished with a smile, obviously pleased with herself.
"And what about Carrot Top?" asked Postage.
"I'm staying with her, so I'll drop it off when I'm done my deliveries."
With a wave goodbye, Ditzy was off. Her first stop was Sweet Apple Acres, but as she made her way through Ponyville she decided to make a quick detour past her old house. Though it brought up some sad emotions in Ditzy, she didn't let it get her down. She knew that her belongings could be replaced and that she could easily obtain new copies of photos from her friends and family. The best part of the whole thing though was still her fridge. The Princess had promised to pay for the damages and help rebuild, which meant Ditzy. would get her fridge refilled for free. Score she thought to herself as she continued to fly through the air. Ditzy finally arrived at the rubble that had once been her house, yet only one thought went through her mind. Damn, I survived that. The thought put a smile on her face. Her friends used to crack jokes about how easily hurt she was, though they never said it to hurt her feelings. Ditzy knew quite well how easily hurt she was, especially after the time she tripped while delivering some books and managed to break a wing. However, this time Ditzy had won. She'd survived a small nuclear meltdown and came out only mildly unscathed. Sadly for the house, it had not survived.
As Ditzy searched through the rubble for any of her belongings that she might be able to salvage, she noticed something light brown sitting under a broken table. The area in which the object sat she recognized as what was once the kitchen. Ditzy approached the object slowly, eventually realizing what it was. The muffin abomination she had created last night.
"That's not possible." Ditzy said aloud, panic thick in her voice. "I killed you, there’s no way you could survive."
Ditzy stared at The Muffin.
The Muffin stared back.
The Muffin slowly began to move towards Ditzy, and the mare began to panic. As the creature grew closer, it began to emit a low gurgling sound from what could only described as its horrific mouth. Ditzy backed away from the muffin as slowly as possible. However, it did not halt, and though it appeared to be blind it knew where Ditzy stood.
"Feed me, Seymour!" gurgled the creature.
Ditzy screamed and ran. What had she done? How would she explain this to everypony? How would she kill it? These were all thoughts that rushed through Ditzy's head as she fled for her life, though these thoughts were quickly interrupted as she slammed into a large red stallion.
Ditzy didn't think. She quickly got back to her feet, and prepared to run again. It was only when the stallion stood back up that she realized who it was.
"Oh, Big Macintosh, I'm sorry I didn't see you." Ditzy said trying her best to remain calm, though she knew the hell muffin was probably hot on her trail.
"It's alright, nopony was hurt." the large stallion said as he picked Ditzy's bag up for her. "Why are you in such a hurry anyways?"
Ditzy didn't know what to say. She couldn't just tell somepony that a demonic muffin, which she had created, was now hunting her.
"Oh! I just have a lot of mail to deliver today, that's all." Ditzy said as her eyes shifted in all directions, including some that could be considered physically impossible.
"Really? Because I only count two letters and a package, unless some of them blew away.” Big Mac finished as he passed the package back to Ditzy and went to pick up the letters. "Wait a second, this one here is for me." He said as he passed the remaining letter to Ditzy and began to open his.
"Ah, it’s just another delivery notice." Big Mac said with only a hint of sadness in his voice.
"You waiting for another letter from your mare friend?" Asked Ditzy with a sly smile and doing her best to keep her eyes locked on him.
"Eeeyup, I'd sent her a letter a few days ago and hoped she'd responded by now." sighed Big Mac.
"Cheer up, If I get any letters for you I'll get them to you as fast as I can." She said as she placed a comforting hoof on Big Mac’s shoulder.
"Thank you Ditzy that, means a lot to m-" Big Mac was cut off by the echoed scream of another pony. "What was that!?" the startled Stallion asked.
Ditzy turned to Big Mac, her terror smeared across her face. She'd forgot why she had been running and now it had caught up to her. "Run Big Mac, get to the farm and lock the doors. I'll find away to stop it."
Now Big Mac was never one to run, but a mutated muffin is enough to scare almost any pony. A first Bic Mac had held his ground but when it turned to him and growled something in him snapped and he ran.
It was now or never Ditzy thought, she had brought this monster into the world and she would be the one to take it out. Ditzy dug her hooves into the ground, she had ran from it earlier but this time she wouldn't budge.
The Muffin growled and bared its fang. Ditzy didn't budge instead she spread her wings in an attempt to assert her dominance over the doughy demon. The Muffin backed away and Ditzy was sure she had won. That gleam of hope was quickly crushed when eight spider like legs shot out from underneath the creature.
"Feed me, Seymour!" it screeched at the terrified gray mare.
"Never mind." Ditzy said as she took off into the air. Ditzy had decided that it would be better if someone else dealt with the abomination bellow. Besides, it was a muffin, what’s the worst it could do?
Several minutes later, Ditzy arrived at Sugarcube Corner. It appeared that this portion of town had been completely unaffected by the Hell Muffin, as ponies went happily about their business. Ditzy felt relieved. Maybe it would just wander out of town and into the forest. But, just in case, she would ask the cakes how to destroy a muffin, as the information might come in handy later.
Ditzy entered the sweets shop, ready to finish her deliveries and head home. Once she was inside, she noticed how empty it was, no pony was working the register and there was no sign of anypony browsing.
"Hello? Is anypony home?" Ditzy asked nervously. After several seconds of silence, Ditzy began to panic. What if the muffin was already here? What if it ate the Cakes? What if this was a trap? Ditzy's thoughts were interrupted by movement behind the pastry rack.
"Hi! Welcome to Sugarcube Corner." Shouted the pink pony as she shot out from behind the counter. Ditzy screamed and dived behind the bread rack.
Pinkie Pie peaked her head over the counter. "Sorry if I scared you, I just got so excited! You’re our first customer of the day! So I thought I would surprise you!" The hyperactive mare said this happily, as she always did. "So what are you here to buy? Cakes? Cupcakes? Oh wait! We just finished a batch of your favorite blueberry muffins!"
At the mention of muffins, Ditzy flinched and ducked back beneath the counter.
"What's wrong Ditzy? I thought you loved muffins." The pink pony asked. Maybe Ditzy was hiding something. Maybe she wasn't really Ditzy... Maybe she was an alien disguised as Ditzy!
"What did you do with the real Ditzy?!?" Shouted a panicked Pinkie pie.
Ditzy cautiously rose from behind the counter "I like muffins, it's just..." Ditzy paused. Maybe it was best if she didn't tell Pinkie Pie what had happened.
"It's just what, Ditzy?" Asked Pinkie, eager to find out what was wrong with one of her friends. "No matter what's wrong, you can always tell Pinkie Pie."
Ditzy laughed. "This might sound crazy, but for the past hour an evil muffin has been trying to kill me." she finished with a nervous chuckle.
Pinkie Pies mane began to deflate as if it were a balloon that had sprung a leak. Her voice lost it's joy and took on a more serious tone "Did you say an evil muffin was chasing you?" Pinkie asked in a cold and emotionless voice.
Ditzy nodded, terrified by the pink mare’s sudden change in behavior and appearance.
Pinkie Pie turned to the kitchen door and stuck her head inside, saying "Mr. Cake, I'm going to have to take the rest of the morning off." With that, she turned back to Ditzy and reached under the table.
Mr. Cake exited the kitchen and said "What for, Pinkie?"
Ditzy turned back to Pinkie Pie and was stunned by what she saw. The pink mare had pulled a shotgun out from underneath the counter and was now standing on her back legs.
"I've got a Muffin to kill." she said as she cocked the shotgun and dived out the the window.
Mr. Cake and Ditzy were left in stunned silence, as neither of them were quite sure what had just happened. Mr. Cake was the first to snap out of his shock and attempted to return any form of normality to the shop.
"So Ditzy, what brings you here this morning? Are you here to shop, or do you have some mail?"
Ditzy finally snapped back to reality. "Oh, I've got a letter for you." she said as she opened her mail bag and retrieved the letter.
Mr. Cake’s face seemed to brighten up with that news. "Oh, this must be the order for the next Gala." He tore the top of the envelop off and began to read. From his expression, it seemed he had gotten his wish. "This is great news" he said happily. "How about you take a snack with you, as a thank you from me. It also might help you forget what just happened." he finished with a weaker, somewhat sheepish smile.
Several minutes later, Ditzy was on her way home with a full belly and a newfound fear of Pinkie Pie. As Ditzy approached home, she noticed that none of the lights were on, a telltale sign that Carrot was still asleep. Ditzy slowly made her way up stairs carefully attempting to avoid the creaky stairs. She quietly made her way to Carrot's room where sure enough she was still soundly asleep. Now Ditzy's plan went into motion, she placed the new alarm clock a top Carrots nightstand and set the alarm for five minutes. With phase one of her plan set she cranked the volume and snuck back out.
Pleased with herself, Ditzy decided she would take a nap. Ditzy hung her mail bag up on the back of a chair and laid down on the living room couch. Just as Ditzy was about to fall asleep there was a knock at the door. With an annoyed sigh, Ditzy stood up and headed for the door. The knocking continued as she crossed the kitchen.
"I'm coming, I'm coming." said the annoyed pony as she reached the door.
The moment Ditzy opened the door, she regretted ever getting up from bed that morning, for at the door stood the muffin. It stared up at Ditzy, and Ditzy stared back. At this point Ditzy just didn't care anymore. She closed her eyes and braced herself for a fluffy death. But it never came. Instead of death, the Muffin stared at Ditzy.
"Feed me, Seymour!" it gurgled once again at her.
Ditzy looked down as the Muffin began to climb her leg. She knew what was coming. But once again she was wrong. Instead of attacking her, the muffin had climbed onto her back.
"Feed me, Seymour!" it said again, this time in a clearer voice.
"Feed you?" asked the confused mare.
The Muffin nodded and sat down on her back.
Ditzy was stunned. Had this thing been following her all day just for food? If that was the case, Ditzy felt quite stupid. She had destroyed her house in an attempt to kill a muffin, and not an evil muffin like she had thought. It was just a hungry muffin, looking for some food.
"Fine." Ditzy said, now too tired to even think about fighting the creature.
The creature let out a happy squeal as Ditzy carried it to the kitchen. Once there, Ditzy placed it on the table and got it a bowl of cereal. Though she was not sure what a muffin would eat, she just assumed that since everypony likes cereal, a muffin would also like cereal. Luckily for her, she guessed right. After finishing two more bowls of cereal, the Creature let out a ghastly burp.
Ditzy stared at the creature. "So, what do I call you?" she asked the small creature.
"Feed me, Seymour!" The creature said once again.
Ditzy was surprised. There was no way this thing could still be hungry, but what it had said gave her a great idea for a name.
"How about Seymour? Do you like that name?"
Ditzy took the creature’s happy squeal as a sign that it had approved of the name.
"So Seymour, what do we do now?" she asked as she looked up at the clock on the wall. Ditzy noticed the time. 7:59. she knew she was forgetting something, but she couldn't tell what. The sudden and blaring alarm that shook the house quickly reminded her. After several seconds of covering her ears and the house shaking, it finally stopped, just as suddenly as it had started.
"Ditzy Doo!" Came the yells of an extremely angry mare from upstairs
By the time Carrot Top had gotten down stairs Ditzy was long, the front door still wide open. After closing the door Carrot returned to the kitchen.
"At least Ditzy left me some breakfast." She said to herself as she approached the muffin on the table hungrily. To Carrot’s horror, the muffin stood up and turned to face her.
"Feed me, Seymour!" was the last thing Carrot heard before she fainted.
{Author Note: Written in about 2 - 3 hours, subject to change on the weekend. I'll do more proper proof reading on the weekend. College is beating the crud out of me at the moment.}
"So Vinyl, repeat what I just told you." the grey earth asked sternly as she stood at the front door.
"Fine," Vinyl groaned reluctantly "First rule, no parties, seconds rule, no parties."
"What's the third rule?" Octavia asked as she stepped onto the pathway outside.
"Rule 3: If I break rule one or two, you'll break me."
"Very good" answered Octavia "Now, I'll be back sometime tomorro-" The cello player was cut off as the wooden door to her house was quickly shut and locked.
"Fine then," huffed the gray mare as she lifted the cello case onto her back. "See if I bring her back a Souvenir" With that, she began her march to the train station. Where she would eventually head the Nightmare Night Concert in Canterlot. Held by none other than Princess Luna herself. The thought was enough to put a smile back on her face.
Vinyl silently watched from a crack in the corner, waiting for her mare friend to finally get out of view. Several minutes later a couple of awkward stares from passing Ponies. The sound of the train whistle echoed through Ponyville, sending a jolt of excitement down Vinyl's spine.
Quickly she made her way over to the stand that held their Television set. Reaching behind the stand, she felt around. Grimacing every so often when her hoof made its way through another spider web. After several seconds of feeling around her hoof finally met something solid, a small switch. She gave the switch a quick flick and stepped away from the T.V.
"Party mode engaged" Game the pre-recorded message of a certain pink pony.
Vinyl watched in complete amazement as her house transformed before her eyes. Hatches in the ceiling opened releasing several sets of Nightmare Night decorations, her ceiling quickly becoming dominated with Bats and other spooky creatures. Her furniture was quickly flipped beneath the floor, revealing several already set tables, complete with food, candy and other Nightmare Night goodies.
"Wow" Vinyl muttered in amazement "When Pinkie says she's got things covered, she's got things covered."
However, the Transformation wasn't totally complete. Vinyl once again found herself, completely stunned as she watched her T.V slowly sink into the floor and in its place rose a fully set DJ Booth and when she thought her excitement couldn't get any higher; she noticed a rather large device, which she could recognize as being the party cannon.
Vinyl let out and audible squee as she began examining the large booth
As the sun began to set, the first of her guests began to arrive. Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy, as Vinyl let her guest in a strange though went through her head. What in the name of Celestia is Fluttershy's last name? Is her first name Flutter and her last name shy? She shook the thought from her head as she led her guests to the living room
It was only then that she got a clear view of the book Twilight Sparkle had been reading the entire time, since her arrival
"How to Party like it's the year 0, By Princess Celestia." Vinyl read aloud "I've never heard of the book."
Twilight closed the book and carefully placed it down on the table, next to a bowl of popcorn.
"You wouldn't have, it's from the Banned section of the Canterlot Library"
The DJ was curious "Who could possibly ban a book written by the Princess Herself, and why?"
"You've never been to a party held by Celestia, have you?" Twilight asked a cold expression on her face as she recalled the horrors of the Gala. "I've read some of the old documents on Celestia's party habits. One said she out drank the King of the Dragons, and then in her drunken state, turned the Sun into a large Disco-ball. For seven years afterwards, she demanded to be called "Celestia, Queen of Funk."
"What stopped her?" Vinyl asked, completely stunned by what she was hearing.
"The hangover" Twilight answered flatly "she stayed intoxicated for seven years and then one morning, she awoke and killed the sun herself."
"Awesome" was all the DJ managed before another set of knocks began pounding at her door.
Lyra and Bon Bon stood at the door. Bon Bon looked like her regular self. However, the same couldn't be said for Lyra, who had broken the only rule, No costume. Sure, no costume was a strange rule for a party celebrating Nightmare Night, but it was a safety precaution and the only way to get Fluttershy to even consider coming out.
Lyra stood at the door, bloody hockey mask on her face and a fake knife strapped to her horn.
"Really Lyra? Even after last year?" asked Vinyl as she stared at her friend judgmentally.
Lyra raised the mask to reveal her face "I thought maybe it would be a better night this time, now that she's use to my costume."
"She put you in the hospital for three weeks" Vinyl said flatly "It took your horn almost a month to grow back."
Lyra paused as she thought back to last year’s party. At the time, it seemed like a reasonably good idea. Though, at that time she was completely unaware Fluttershy was a Master Black belt.
"Maybe you're right." Lyra said with an awkward chuckle as she slowly placed the costume in a bush beside the house.
"I'll wear it after the party."
After a few minutes of talking, Vinyl eventually led the two ponies to the rest of the guest. As was the usual Fluttershy once again began apologizing for the event that had occurred the year before.
Over time several other guests filled the house, breathing life into the party and as the night went on the streets outside filled with their own sounds of laughter as foals and their parents continued to enjoy the festivities in the center of town.
Ditzy and Carrot arrived a few hours later, followed by a small squad of four Changelings. She had almost forgotten about the weirdness that lead to the title "Princess Carrot Top" and "Princess Ditzy Doo" of the Changeling Empire. Something that spread quickly around Ponyville when the Library had fallen into a pit that led to a small underground civilization.
That was an awkward day for all.
"Hey Ditzy, hey Carrot." Vinyl said happily as she stared at her friends, she couldn't help but give a small chuckle when she noticed Ditzy had once again worse her paper bag costume. Her chuckle quickly shifted to blatant laughter when she noticed their escorts were also wearing Paper bags.
"What's wrong with Vinyl?" Ditzy asked Carrot as she Vinyl lay on the ground, doing her best to stop her laughter.
"Nothing Ditzy, I think she just really likes, your costume" answered the orange earth pony.
"Yes" Vinyl answered as wiped a tear from her eye. "I hope you don't mind, but maybe next year I'll join you and your merry band of paper bag mares"
"Sure!" Ditzy answered cheerfully "I can even lend you some of my comics; I have every one of them. My favorite is "Paper Bag Mare, versus the produce aisle"
"Sure thing Ditzy, I'll come over tomorrow and get them, why don't we go inside and check on the rest of the guests."
Once again Vinyl led what she believed to be the last of her guests into the main party area. Almost immediately after entering the living room, Ditzy's short attention span got the better of her as she quickly spotted a game of "Twister" being played by some of the other guests.
"My friends" The grey Pegasus began as she faced her Changeling guards "As your Princess, I command you to come play Twister with me."
"As you wish my Princess" the four Changelings answered as they followed Ditzy, to what was most likely going to be the most intense foals game they would ever play.
Once again, before Vinyl was able to relax and join the rest of her guests the faint sound of knocking at the door.
"Really?" Vinyl muttered as she made her way towards the door, maybe after this she could enjoy her own party.
Her disposition quickly changed though, as she was met with the sight of her final guest.
"Princess Luna?" Vinyl mumbled in confusion.
"Hello my friend! It has been a long time since we've seen each other." The Lunar Princess shouted in joy as she pulled her friend into a hug.
"Yeah" Wheezed the DJ as she gasped for air "What has it been? Two years?" she asked trying to recall when she had first met the Princess.
The two of them found themselves becoming nostalgic as the memories returned, Vinyl had met the Lunar Princess almost a year before she returned to Equestria. They day they had met, had also been the day she created her pride and joy, "The Base Cannon". However, it had also been the day Princess Celestia was blown clean out of Canterlot Castle. Needless to say, Vinyl found herself on the receiving end of a week banishment to the moon.
"Yes" Answered Luna as she broke from her memories "That was the best week of my Banishment."
"Banishment?" Laughed Vinyl "It's not really a banishment when Princess Celestia left the back door unlocked."
"Shhhh" Luna said with a chuckle "Just because I was banished from Equestria, doesn't mean I couldn't enjoy all the other universes."
After a few more minutes of reminiscing the two friends made their way back into the house. Where they were greeted by several surprised guest. It was rare seeing Princess Luna outside of Canterlot, let alone in the house of an average couple. And yet, here she was, enjoying the party with the rest of the guests.
Besides Princess Luna being at her small little party, there was something else nagging at the back of her brain. Something that had to do with Princess Luna, after a bit of thought it came to her.
"Luna, aren't you supposed to be at your party in Canterlot?" Vinyl asked as she thought about Octavia and her concert
"Don't worry my friend, I'll be there a bit later, but I'd rather spend the time here with you." Luna answered happily as she once again pulled her friend into a hug.
For several hours the party had gone on rather uneventfully. Over time the final stranglers arrived and the party remained quite alive, thanks to some good music and a little bit of "Adult" drinks. However, everyone quickly came to an agreement that it was best if Pinkie never touched Alcohol again, she managed eight shots before promptly passing out.
Twilight Sparkle had her book privileges taken away after discovering a spell that brought all the decorations to life. Needless to say, after a long struggle against several very angry Bats and plastic ghosts. They came to a mutual agreement that instead of reading, she should would keep Pinkie where she couldn't find any more to drink, should she wake up.
Other than that, the party continued on at a reasonable pace, ponies passing out from both reaching their limit and just too much funk.
A couple hours later
Vinyl slowly stumbled through the room, doing what she could do to avoid sleeping ponies that rested on the floor. Eventually she found her target, Luna resting against the wall, Lampshade resting on her head.
"Hey, hey Luna." mumbled the Unicorn
"What?... what is it?" Slurred the Alicorn
"You have to get up, and get back to Canterlot."
"Hehe" snickered the Alicorn from beneath the lampshade "We're far too......intoxi.... intox.. intoxinated."
"Do you mean intoxicated?" asked the groggy mare
"Yeah... that's the word, don't worry moon butt two has got everything under control." With that the Princess of the night slipped back into unconsciousness.
Meanwhile in Canterlot
Moon butt two Nightmare Moon lay sleeping at the large table,
The concert continuing around her, though her snoring had grown quite loud, the concert only grew louder. It was safer than trying to wake the midnight Alicorn up.
"Wow," Discord said as he stared at the sleeping Alicorn "I haven't seen anyone sleep like that, since she tried to hold Night court."
"Look at her though" Added Celestia "She's just so adorable."
"Do you have a marker?" Discord asked flatly
Celestia paused for a second "I thought you would never ask." she answered with a grin.
The next morning back in Ponyville
Octavia made her way through town; it had been a rough night. The main guest of one of her biggest events was a no show, and her other guests of honor acted with the maturity of foals. Octavia took solace in the fact that when she eventually got home, she would be greeted by Vinyl who would most likely do her best to cheer her up.
Sadly, that hope was quickly crushed as she approached her home, as she entered the front door she was met with the first warning of what was to come. An unconscious Changeling lay at the side of the bookshelf, an empty bottle of Stalliongrad Vodka clenched between his hooves. Examining him more closely, it appeared as though someone had decided to play a game of Tic-Tac-Toe on his flank.
As she continued through the house, it was only made worse. Ponies lay scattered around her house. Almost all of her furniture was missing, replaced with large tables, which held even more ponies. The final straw was broken when she found Vinyl, though it wasn't Vinyl that caused her to snap, it was who lay across from her. Princess Luna, lampshade still resting a top her head.
Just as Octavia was about to wake her mare friend up, she noticed something in the corner of her view. The base cannon, even though it had be confiscated, it had somehow found its way back into the house.
"Hello Vinyl" Boomed Octavia through the mic
The sudden burst of sounds startling the party guests awake and the anger in her voice sending them fleeing. After several seconds the only ones left, were Octavia, Luna and Vinyl.
"Hey, Octy, mind turning that down?" groaned the hungover mare as she rolled over, attempting to fall back asleep.
"What was that Vinyl?" Octavia asked with a sick grin. "Crank it up to Eleven? Sure thing!"
With that, Octavia hit the button. The following sound shattered every window between Ponyville and Canterlot and leveled the house that served as its source.
That night
"Come on!" begged Vinyl as she sat on the floor "Just scoot over; the couch has enough room for both of us."
"No" Answered Octavia for the sixth time "You should be happy, I even asked Carrot and Ditzy if you could stay as well. Plus you threw a party, when I told you not to."
"Buh.." moaned Vinyl as she lay on the floor "You were the one who blew up the house."
"And you were the one that built the weapon of mass destruction." Answered the grey mare as she threw a blanket to Vinyl
"Fair enough" Vinyl answered reluctantly.
{Second Note: For those who couldn't tell, Vinyl and Octavia will now be living with Carrot and Ditzy for a while. So expect them more often.}
