No Money Down!
“My name is Rainbow Dash, and I’m AWESOME!!!”
Starlight Glimmer narrowed her eyes.
“I’m Rainbow Dash, and I’m the fastest flier in Equestria!”
Starlight Glimmer raised an eyebrow.
“¡Es Rainbow Dash! ¡¡¡La pony más increíble de todos los tiempos!!!”
Starlight Glimmer grimaced. “Uh…”
“Whoops!” shouted the real Rainbow Dash, holding the plastic toy version of herself. “Must be a mistake at the factory. Easy fix!” Beaming with pride, she pulled the cord on her action figure for a fourth time, and it repeated its catchphrase at six times the speed. Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Well, maybe it’s got a few problems, but there’s still plenty of time to fix it before the holiday.”
“Hearth’s Warming is in two weeks.” Starlight looked around her office in the school of friendship. Boxes, paper, and half-wrapped gifts filled every corner. Her regular work covered most of her desk, save for the small box of prototypes that Rainbow Dash had plopped down in front of her.
“Yeah!” Dash leapt into the air with a twirl, and she held up the plastic toy that was crafted in her likeness. “And you can get in on the ground floor at no cost to you! Everypony in Equestria is gonna want one of these! They’ll be so happy to finally get to hang out with Rainbow Dash!” She landed and set the figure on Starlight’s desk. “I mean, not the real me, but close enough! Pretty cool, right?”
Starlight Glimmer chewed her lip. She awkwardly rolled a hoof around in the air, as if grasping for words. “Well… It’s, uh…”
Rainbow Dash smiled as wide as her ears, and her eyes gleamed, ready for Starlight’s approval.
Starlight eyes flicked all around her office, but she finally settled on saying, “It’s very you, and I think that’s wonderful.”
“Yeah! Exactly!” Rainbow Dash puffed up and flared out her wings as she held her chin high. “I knew you’d understand, Starlight.”
“But… if you don’t need startup money, why did you need my help, exactly?”
“Oh! Right. Well, see, it’s really, really important that these toys are as lifelike as possible, so I was wondering if you could…” She sat, tapped her forehooves together, glanced to the side, and mumbled very quickly, “...use your magic to replicate my consciousness and bring them to life?”
“What!?” Starlight sat up straight.
“Just a few of them!” Dash threw up her hooves defensively. “Like, ten! Or maybe twenty! Or a couple dozen! I just need some special collectors edition ones for… reasons!” She leaned in with a cheshire smiles and absurdly bright eyes.
Starlight shook her head. “Absolutely not! Who knows what could happen?”
“Pleeeeease?” Rainbow Dash hopped onto Starlight’s desk and groveled. “I promise I wouldn’t ask unless it was really, really important. Can we just try it?”
Starlight leaned in. “Rainbow, what could be so important that you’re willing to risk your consciousness—not to mention your pride—on something so reckless?”
“Look, I know you probably have a lot of questions, but if you just come to the warehouse—”
“Warehouse?” Starlight turned her head and gave Rainbow Dash the stink eye. “How many of these things did you have made?”
“Just… a few thousand.” She grimaced.
“Ugh! Did you seriously invest your entire savings into toys that you don’t think you can sell?””
Rainbow Dash rocked back and forth on her hooves. “Iiiiiif I said yes, would you help me out?”
Slapping a hoof to her face, Starlight sighed. “Okay, I can attempt the spell. Just leave me a box to practice with. But if anything starts going wrong, we call it quits, okay?”
“Great!” Rainbow Dash hopped into the air and started to turn around.
“And would it have killed you to let me know before it was an emergency?”
“Well…” Rainbow Dash’s tone became wooden, and she rubbed the back of her neck. “You know how it is. Between Wonderbolt practice, the travel, the shows…”
Starlight’s expression flattened. “You forgot.”
“Sure, let’s go with that!” She started to fly out the door. “So, let’s get—”
“One more thing.” Starlight raised a hoof. “In the future, please save my office hours for school-related problems, okay?”
Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Eh, it’s not that big a deal, right?”
Starlight jammed a hoof towards the doorway, where Rainbow Dash suddenly noticed dozens of students getting very impatient.
Dash gulped and yelled, “Uh… Free authentic Rainbow Dash toys for everypony in line!” As the crowd got a lot more lively, she whispered back to Starlight, “Might need to make that four dozen.”
Starlight Glimmer groaned.
Rainbow Dash led Starlight through a dim warehouse outside of Canterlot. Starlight gazed at the piles of crates, and with her magic, she set down the box of practice toys she’d been levitating. “There… sure are a lot of these.”
“It’s okay! Once a few of them come to life, all our problems will be solved!”
Starlight looked around. “Dash, if this is about money, I’m sure we can find another way to help.”
Rainbow Dash sighed. “It’s not just that. It’s… complicated. Let’s focus on why we’re here. Did you figure out the spell?”
“Yes, but there’s a lot to it. I think I have it down, but… are you absolutely certain you want to do this? I don’t want you to feel less special if there are any other ponies just like you.”
“Pfft, no chance! There’s only one Rainbow Dash. These are just the next best thing!” She sulked. “I just hope they’re good enough.”
Starlight cocked her head to the side. “And you’re sure there’s nothing you want to talk about?”
Shaking out her mane, Rainbow Dash replied, “Nah, let’s just go for it. I don’t want to ruin the surprise.” She gasped. “And you can’t tell Twilight or the others about this, okay?”
Starlight nodded. “Alright. If you’re sure.” From her box, she took out a spellbook and the practice toys, which she arranged in a circle equidistant from Dash. With some chalk, she drew a large magic circle, and inside, she began to fill it in with glyphs and symbols. “I can only do six at a time, so just stay right there, and try not to move.”
“You got it!” She immediately started bouncing in place.
Rolling her eyes, Starlight continued with the magic circle. With deft twists of her levitation spells, more and more intricate glyphs appeared on the floor. “This type of magic is very experimental. You’re lucky I was able to find a book on it.”
“I’m just glad you were able to get one from the library. Funny that they had something like that just lying around. I sort of assumed you’d have to sneak into Twilight’s forbidden section or something.”
Starlight went stiff. “Heh. Heh heh. Yeah. Weird…” She refocused on the circle. “Okay, I’ve triple-checked, and everything is where it’s supposed to be. I’m going to start the spell, so whatever you do, don’t move.”
“No problem!” she shouted with a wing salute.
Starlight took her stance in front of the spell circle. Her horn flared to life, and her eyes glowed with magical green light as the book floated in front of her and fluttered open. “Replicatio pannum…”
The circle glowed with the same green energy, and Rainbow Dash felt a tingle throughout her chest. She fought to keep from laughing.
“Hoc effingo mannalus…” Sweat poured down her brow, but she focused harder.
Rainbow Dash glanced at the toys around her. They levitated and twitched.
“Corporis et animae eius…”
The toys began to twist and dance in the air, spinning around and moving seemingly on their own.
Starlight strained as she continued. “In hoc memento…”
A thought struck Rainbow Dash. She turned to face Starlight again, and as she did, her back hoof smudged the inner circle of chalk. “Oh, one more thing!”
“Ad vitam!!!”
A loud fwom noise filled the warehouse, like a gong being un-rung, and the spell circle flashed with blue light. Magical energies twisted all around the space, which seemed to expand and collapse in on itself all at once. The air itself twitched. The light faded, and though the spell circle was gone, the strange taste of lightning and rainbows remained in the air.
Starlight blinked away the spots in her vision. “Did it work?”
A toy flew up to Starlight’s face and shouted, “Of course it did, because I’m too awesome for it not to!”
With a happy gasp, Starlight leapt back to her hooves. “Dash, look! It worked! …Dash?”
She looked to the center of the six toys, who laughed and zipped around in tight circles. In the very center, still as a statue, sat Rainbow Dash with a flat look on her face. She remained completely motionless.
“...oh dear.”
“This is great!” shouted one of the toys, pointing at the others. “I bet I’m faster than any of you!”
“Nu-uh!!” shouted another. “Race you around the warehouse!”
As the toys took off on their race, Starlight rushed to Rainbow Dash’s side. “Hello? Equestria to Rainbow Dash?” She grabbed Dash’s face and met her distant gaze. “C’mon, speak to me!”
“I am here,” Dash replied.
“Uh… Do you mean you’re ‘awesomely’ here?” Starlight tapped her hoof nervously. “Maybe you wanna talk about how excited you are for the toys?”
“No. I am here.”
“Ugh, I knew this was too dangerous!” Starlight paced back and forth as the toys flitted around the warehouse and between the crates. Nearly hyperventilating, Starlight shook her head. “It’s okay. It’s okay! No need to panic. Rainbow Dash just had her entire personality stolen by… those things.” She looked up at the six toys, who were testing out their aerial prowess.
“Did you see the new Daring Do book?” one of the toys shouted, holding its hooves to its face as it rushed around in excitement.
“Yeah!” shouted another, chasing after her. “When Daring Do was all like ‘Pow, pow, pow’ and Ahuizotl was like ‘Noooo!!!’ and she barely escaped!”
Starlight held a hoof to her forehead. “Focus, Starlight. You know what you have to do.” She stood tall with a smirk. “You planned for this.” Looking back at the zoned-out Rainbow Dash, she said, “Sorry, but I told a little fib, Dash. I wasn’t just practicing on the toys.” She stared down one of them. “I was inscribing a counterspell rune on them, too. I just need to activate it with a spell from my spellboo—”
“You mean this?” shouted one of the toys, holding up the spellbook.
Starlight reached for the spot on the floor where she’d left the book, only to find it empty. Tensing, she shouted, “Hey! Give that back!” Starlight rushed towards the toy, her mane billowing behind her.
“Gotta catch me first!” The toy took off flying through the air faster than Starlight could run.
“Gr…” She traced the toy with her eyes, and just as it weaved through some of the crates in the warehouse, she blasted with a capturing spell. “Gotcha!”
“Catch!” the toy shouted, throwing the book to another one of its kind, right as Starlight ensnared it.
“You got it, sis!” the second toy said as it caught the book. “Everypony else, stop her before she gets us, too!”
“We’re on it!” the other four shouted. They blitzed Starlight at lightning speed, bapping her with their incredibly tiny but powerful plastic hooves.
“Ow, ow! Hey!” Starlight shouted. “That… doesn’t hurt, exactly, but it’s very annoying!” Her concentration lapsed, and the snared toy was freed from Starlight’s spell. It joined the others, who lifted Starlight up in the air. “Put me down!” She tried to cast another spell, but the toys continued to swarm her, slapping her across the face and horn and keeping her distracted. “Rainbow Dash, help!”
“I cannot,” came Rainbow Dash’s colorless voice. She hadn’t moved from her spot on the floor.
Starlight frowned. “C’mon, Rainbow Dash! Don’t give up!”
“I would only fail.”
“No, you wouldn’t!” Starlight twisted herself away from the barrage of toys, but they quickly caught her and spun her upside down. “You never let your friends down!”
“I already have.”
Even with the constant teasing and energy of the toys poking at her, the whole warehouse felt like it had fallen silent. “What was that, Rainbow Dash?”
“I have let my friends down.” Despite the lifelessness of her tone, a twinge of sadness flowed through her words. “I do it every day.”
The toys had taken to playing “Pass the Unicorn.” Starlight flew back and forth across the air above the warehouse floor. Stifling her motion sickness, she asked, “What are you talking about? None of your friends feel let down.”
“Then why don’t I make time for you?”
Stunned, Starlight went wide-eyed, and she finally caught herself in a levitation spell. She lowered herself to the ground next to Rainbow Dash. The toys dashed away, and Starlight weakly offered, “Well… It’s like you said: with all your time spent with the Wonderbolts, you’ve been busy.”
“Not very loyal, is it?”
Starlight’s blood ran cold, but then, realization dawned on her. “Dash… The special edition toys weren’t for selling to fans, were they?” She looked back at the toys, which had gathered on top of the highest crate. “You wanted to give a piece of yourself to your friends.”
Even though she remained completely still, a small tear formed in Rainbow Dash’s eye.
“Oh, Dash…” Starlight held a hoof to her heart. “You didn’t need to do all this.”
Rainbow Dash looked into the distance. She had not moved. “Please give them the toys. Keep one for yourself. Forget about me.”
From atop the crates, one of the toys said, “Hey, I found a replication spell!”
Another one chimed in, “Whoa, what if we brought all these toys to life?”
“Yeah!” shouted the four others. They swarmed the crate and kicked at it, opening it bit by bit.
Starlight looked frantically between the toys and her friend. “Dash, that’s crazy! I’m not leaving you here.”
“I abandoned you. You should abandon me.”
“But you’re our friend!”
“The toys are just as good. I am no good. I abandoned my friends.”
“No, they’re not!” Starlight set a gentle hoof on Rainbow Dash’s shoulder. “Rainbow Dash, I know that you hold yourself to a high standard, but this?” She pointed to the toys. The crate was opened, and as more plastic Rainbow Dashes spilled from the container, the living toys chanted a spell, bringing more and more to life. “This just shows how much you care about your friends, how far you’re willing to go. We’re all still learning how to handle our changing lives, Dash, but that doesn’t mean that we’re abandoning each other, and it certainly doesn’t mean you can be replaced. Please don’t give up, Dash.”
Another silent tear fell from Dash’s face. “They are better than me. They will make time for you. They are just like me.”
First dozens, then hundreds of rainbow-colored toys flooded the air above them, blotting out the dim light. The creaking of more and more crates being opened rose to a calamitous cacophony, and hundreds more figures poured out into the warehouse, each one imbuing two more with life.
Starlight cradled Dash’s chin. “No. I refuse to believe that. There’s only one Rainbow Dash, and right now, I need her help.”
Rainbow Dash paused. With just a hint of motion, Rainbow Dash turned her head slightly towards Starlight. Her eyes settled on her friend, whose body was shaking and whose jaw was quivering. Despite being sure that she had nothing left, Rainbow Dash felt a small spark in her chest, and she managed to say. “They are me. All of me.”
Starlight whimpered, “Dash, even if they all have your personality—” Dash’s words turned over in her head, and a second realization hit her. A smile curled across her face. “All of you, huh? That’s it! Wait right there, Dash.”
“I will not move.”
Under her breath, Starlight mumbled, “Couldn’t have followed that advice earlier, huh?” She stood tall and turned to the toys, who were playing catch with the spell book as the last of them came to life. “Hey! My friend here is in trouble, and she needs help!”
All at once, the toys snapped to attention and swooped down to Starlight Glimmer, forming a giant wall of plastic. As one unit, they saluted and shouted, “I’m on it!”
Starlight recoiled at the thousands of eyes staring at her. “Yikes.” To herself, she added, “You’ve got this Starlight. For Dash.” She straightened up and tapped her chin in mock-thought. “You see, my friend is down in the dumps, and I want to cheer her up. She’s loyal, decisive, quick to help out somepony who needs it—”
“Just like me!” shouted the toys in unison.
Starlight collected herself and replied, “And she deserves the absolute best, so I only want the most awesome toy of all to be her new friend.” She cocked her head to the side. “So which one of you is that?”
All at once, each toy puffed out her chest and shouted, “Me!”
And for just a moment, the warehouse fell into utter silence. The toys went as wide-eyed as their shiny plastic beads would allow.
“What do you mean that’s you? I’m the most awesome toy!” shouted the first toy.
“Nuh-uh!” shouted the second. “Your wing has a bum joint, but mine is perfect!”
“I can fly circles around you two!” shouted the third.
“Y puedo volar en círculos alrededor de ustedes tres!” shouted the fourth.
All of them descended into shouts of “No you can’t!” and “Watch me!” until the whole group of them were zipping in tight formations around each other and demanding the others recognize her superiority. Clouds of dust kicked up as they flew faster and faster, and soon the whole warehouse was full of angry, competitive action figures trying to outdo each other.
Smirking, Starlight casually reached into the mass of toy ponies and pulled the spellbook out with her levitation magic. She flipped to a bookmarked page, conjured the book’s power, and said, “Ad nugas quae olim erant!”
With a spark of light, the toys froze in place, then floated back to form a tight circle around the real Rainbow Dash. From each of them, a ribbon of light—each one a different color of the rainbow—shot from the toy and back to the pony at the center, who sat up straighter and gasped as the light returned to her.
Suddenly, the lifeless toys hit the floor with a thousand clacks, and the warehouse fell silent.
Starlight sighed and closed the book with a satisfying thud. She turned around. “There! Feeling awesome again, Rainbow Dash?”
“...Not really.”
Starlight’s shoulders slumped. She set the book down, then walked to Rainbow Dash and sat with her. “I… suppose we didn’t really fix the issue at hoof, huh?”
Rainbow Dash shrugged. “What’s the point of feeling awesome if you can’t do it for the ponies that matter?” Her ears folded down. She looked up at Starlight with sad eyes, then picked up the toy in front of her and pet its mane. “I’ve been so busy with the Wonderbolts this year that I’ve been away from Ponyville almost all the time! And don’t get me wrong: it’s a dream come true, only…”
Gently, Starlight added, “Only you don’t have as much time to see your friends?”
“Right. Twilight’s doing princess stuff full time, AJ’s got her hooves full between teaching and the farm, Rarity’s got her businesses, Fluttershy has more animals to take care of than ever, and even Pinkie Pie can’t make the trip to Cloudsdale all the time. And you’re busy with the school!” She slumped. “And me? I’m hardly ever in Ponyville anymore. I just thought… maybe if I could make more of me, even if it wasn’t the same, then it would still be something, right?”
Starlight hugged her. “Maybe, but nothing can replace you, Rainbow Dash. We’re all working through our new schedules as we chase our dreams. It’s hard. Trust me, I feel it, too.”
Rainbow Dash went slack. “But we can’t just give up, right?”
Starlight shrugged. “I think it’s part of growing up, Rainbow Dash. We have to choose how we spend our time, and sometimes, that means our friends have to make sacrifices for our dreams, too.”
“But that’s so awful!” She slapped her hooves to her temples. “There’s gotta be something we can do, right?”
“Hm…” Starlight rubbed her chin. A thought occurred to her, and she smiled. “Actually, I think I have an idea for a Hearth’s Warm gift from both of us.”
“Great!” Rainbow Dash looked around. “And while you’re at it, got any idea how to sell a few thousand defective toys? Because I am in a ton of debt over these things.”
“One thing at a time, Dash.”
Twilight sighed as she walked into her room and flopped onto her bed after another hard day of Equestrian rulership. “Ugh…” she groaned. “I’d never complain about reading, but wow that was a lot of project proposals. At least everypony took Hearth’s Warming off like I asked.” She looked at the clock, and suddenly, her energy flooded back. “Oh! It’s time!”
With a flap of her wings, she flew to a wall full of different action figures. She found her Twilight toy and booped it on the nose, and it glowed with a faint light. “Anypony out there? Can you hear me okay?”
Immediately, the Rainbow Dash toy leapt to its hooves. “Loud and clear!” It jumped into the air and flew around Twilight’s head. “But c’mon, Twilight, we’ve been waiting forever for you to finish up!”
The Applejack figure stood and laughed. “Haha! Dash, it’s been all of four minutes!”
“Uh, yeah,” said the Dash toy, flying back to the Applejack toy.
Many miles away, in Rainbow Dash’s barracks, she stared down an animated Applejack toy of her own. “Which is basically forever when you’re waiting for your friends.”
“Patience, darling,” the Rarity figure said as it neatly folded her hooves. “The important thing is that we’re all here.”
“Agreed,” said Fluttershy. “Even if we’re far apart, we’ll still find ways to spend time on each other.”
“Yeah!” shouted the Pinkie Pie plushie as it bounced on the shelf. “And look what I got Starlight to make mine do! Hrk! HRRRRRK!! BLEEERRGH!!!” The Pinkie toy’s mouth opened and vomited out a small pile of candy onto the floor. “Tada!!!”
Rainbow Dash laughed and scooped up a gummy alligator candy. “Thanks, Pinkie! That was awesome.” She turned to the last toy on her shelf. “And Starlight? Thanks again for everything. Happy Hearth’s Warming.”
“Happy Hearth’s Warming, Rainbow Dash,” said the Starlight figure. “Now, Twilight’s coordinating the white elephant gift exchange with some teleportation magic, so let’s get started!”