A Rude Awakening.
The newly-crowned Princess Twilight Sparkle knew something was up the minute she opened her eyes that fateful morning.
Well, maybe not quite that soon. Still full of the rush and vigour of the coronation ceremony just the day before, it took her a while to realise that her surroundings in Canterlot were… awfully quiet.
How very odd, she thought to herself, lying down in her new state bedroom where the mattress was so soft you could almost sink into it, it’s about breakfast time, but I can’t hear a soul in the castle kitchen below me, nor has there been a single guard come to wake me up. Not that I really need an alarm call, because my biological clock is efficiently attuned to open my eyes at 5:30am exactly every morning so I can spend the next hour composing today’s agenda, but still…
Thinking that maybe it was about time she took matters into her own hooves (she planned to be a very ‘proactive’ monarch in case you hadn’t figured it out) she hoisted herself up from her quagmire of a bedspread, stretched both her front and back hooves in perfect synchronicity before deigning to see what the craic was with the distinct lack of activity around her new living quarters.
Think I’ll go and check on good old Spike, he’s sure to know what’s up… the Princess’s new Chief Advisor (elected unopposed) had been designated the room just across from hers lest there be an unforeseen emergency in which his invaluable experience, selfless courage and perpetual snarkiness could provide essential help.
Trotting inside casually, Twilight was just about to say to a medium-to-high pitched voice something along the lines of ‘Come on lazybones, it’s time to get up now. You can snore to your heart's content later’... when a couple of unsettling observations caught her attention.
For one thing, his bed was freshly made. As anypony (or indeed anycreature) who knows the notoriously messy dragon might tell you, this simply isn’t possible. This would mean that either a) it hadn’t been slept in last night or b)... nope, there’s simply no other options.
Lastly, all of his little bags and suitcases were still unpacked, including all of his mint condition limited run comic books he treasured almost more than life itself. Spike never would’ve gone anywhere without ‘The Power Ponies Go Tropical’ or ‘Mare-Do-Well Comes Back From The Dead... Again.’ What’s going on? I’m starting to get worried…
No longer bothering with royal decorum, Twilight began galloping, flying, even teleporting herself all over the castle to try finding any sign of life whatsoever, but the only luck she had was with locating the spiders constructing their webs in the unguarded towers, or the crickets chirping ominously just underneath the floorboards.
This… is simply unbelievable! Where could they all be? I wasn’t told that everypony was going off to leave me all alone today, so I can only come to the conclusion that their sudden disappearance has a less-than-organic origin behind it. I better ask around town if any of the locals know just what the hay is going on around here…
If Twilight hoped for greater clarity for her newly-forged solo status by looking around the city though, she was about to be disappointed. For every normally occupied house she peeked in was empty, all the usually bustling businesses she checked were closed and the only meagre activity which could be detected was the summer breeze gently blowing used napkins and special lavender Twilight-themed hats across the square, remnants of yesterday’s big feast that seemed almost a lifetime ago now.
Even all the pets have gone, apart from a few budgerigars and goldfish, and they barely qualify as ‘pets’! The alicorn pondered quite harshly, as she closely observed a starkly muted Canterlot from high in the sky. A-All my friends, vanished without a trace! M-My family, nowhere to be seen! What could’ve happened, between yesterday when I said ‘goodnight’ to everypony, to now which has turned this place into a ghost town? Time to use that allegedly advanced brain of mine to come up with an answer. Think Twilight, think!
It was in about her fifth minute of deep contemplation that the brooding Princess thought she’d stumbled across an answer. A brief flashback began unrolling in her head, of a private moment when she’d stared at her reflection just before she was about to be announced as the successor to the throne…
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“...What do you mean Pinkie’s party cannon has jammed with confetti, Rarity’s accidentally poked a hole in my dress with her horn, Big Mac has sat and crushed on all the apple-tastic treats Applejack brought along for the reception, Fluttershy’s bird chorus has gone on strike due to a shortage of breadcrumbs and Rainbow Dash has wing cramp so may not be able to perform in the Wonderbolts display?! Oh my gosh… we’ll never be able to plug those gaps before the big ceremony… that’s it, the coronation is off.” Everything had been going so smoothly up ‘til this point, but now it looked to be collapsing all at once.
“Hey, don’t shoot the messenger! And what was the point in repeating all that back to me, anyway? I-I’m only here to deliver the news I was told to…” A visibly freaked-out Spike took an understandable step backwards, upon being caught in the midst of Twilight’s unexpected tongue-lashing, He’d drawn the short straw among his pony friends (as per usual) and now deeply regretted agreeing to participate in the contest, seeing how none of these pressing issues were his doing (for a change).
“Spike…I… you’re absolutely right. I shouldn’t be taking my frustrations out on you for things that are beyond our control, and I’m very sorry about that.” Twilight’s head sank almost as low as her haunches, as all of her worst fears seemed to be coming true. “It’s just… I wanted everything to go so perfectly… I was desperate to put on a spectacular show for everycreature… my parents are here…”
“Hey, don’t sweat it! We can fix everything in time, there’s still at least another twenty minutes before everything starts. Compared to some of the troubles we’ve overcome together in the past, this should be an absolute cakewalk! Oh, I forgot to mention something else… we can’t find the giant coronation cake.”
“...What?!”
“Um, sorry. Not doing very well at this whole ‘reassurance’ thing, am I? Are you sure you don’t want somecreature else as your chief aide? I hear Sunburst is looking to explore offers outside The Crystal Empire once his tenure with Flurry Heart is up.”
At this juncture, Twilight somehow snapped out of her self-imposed funk to determinedly cross the room to crouch down to the dragon’s level, lifting up his chin with a friendly wing and spoke candidly to him in the most sincere manner she could muster.
“Spike, how could you even think I’d do such a… the idea never even crossed my mind. Like it or not, me and you are bound to each other forever, and I’d rather not rule at all than without you at my side. We’ll make a start in putting things right without a moment to lose, it’s just that sometimes…”
The alicorn looked back thoughtfully at the mirror as she hugged a clearly relieved Spike, to whisper something so quietly that not even he overheard her.
“...I just wish all my problems would go away, and never return.”
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Oh no! What have I done? I must’ve triggered some hitherto unknown unbelievably powerful alicorn magic located deep within my psyche, which caused everypony else to vanish into nothingness! J-Just like the worst possible future with Starlight's time-travelling spell... Twilight audibly gulped at the thought of unconsciously unleashing the full extent of her vast power, which had apparently not only wiped out the entire population of Canterlot, but also her huge retinue of friends that’d attended the ceremony from far and wide. When I made that statement in my head during such an emotional moment, I-I didn’t mean…
Realising that regretting past events wasn’t going to solve anything, the anxious alicorn decided to stop wasting time and find a solution as quickly as possible. There must be a way to counteract the enchantment, surely! Let me check the Canterlotian library; in my experience, the answer to all of life’s mysteries can be found there. Well, not how to overcome my oh-so-secret fear of qua… a certain exotic food item, but there you go.
Darting through the clouds straight for the huge book depository where she and Spike had spent many a happy hour (well, she did… Spike mostly complained he had to carry every heavy borrowed tome home) before her quest to stop Nightmare Moon began, Twilight pushed aside whimsical feelings of nostalgia for now as she made a headlong rush to the section where she knew incantations for the most powerful enchantments were kept.
Ignoring the big red sign which starkly announced en route: THIS AREA IS DESIGNATED ONLY FOR THE MOST ELITE OF MAGIC-USERS (which surely applied to her these days anyway, not that she liked to brag), Twilight began fastidiously researching like she’d never researched before, grabbing each volume in turn before unceremoniously tossing it aside into a growing heap when she discovered it didn’t have what she was looking for inside.
“Let’s see now… how to grow wings, already been through that 'experience' thank you… how to tame ferocious dragons… sure, Spike has a temper, but he’s not that bad… how to see into the future… hmm, I’ve got enough to worry about in the present, so let’s put that aside for… ah, here we go…”
THE DISPLACEMENT SPELL IS ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL EXAMPLES OF SORCERY KNOWN TO PONYKIND. IT CAN BE USED TO PERMANENTLY BANISH JUST ONE OR AN ENTIRE WORLD FULL OF ORGANIC LIFE FORMS, DEPENDING ON THE MAGICAL PROWESS OF THE USER. IN ORDER TO CAST IT…
Yes, I’ve done all that already… and how I’m paying for it now. Twilight rolled her eyes with impatience, before skipping the next few pages until she began reading again.
COUNTERING THIS LEGENDARY SPELL IS NOT EASY, BUT CAN BE DONE. IT MUST ONLY BE ATTEMPTED UTILISING THE POWERFUL MAGIC OF THE RARE ALICORN SPECIES, AND EVEN THEN SEVERAL VERY HARD TO FIND ARTEFACTS ARE NECESSARY FOR ITS SUCCESSFUL COMPLETION. THE ITEMS ARE…
Oh great, now I have a scavenger hunt to go on. Whoopie-doo. And must they write in all caps? I understand they're trying to communicate some dire warning here, but it’s rather annoying. Still, at least I’ve got the first part there covered… An exasperated Twilight signed with defeat, noting to herself she should’ve realised by now that nothing in her life was ever simple. Now, let’s have a look at this list, and hopefully I can get this done in record time, then when everycreature reappears they won’t have any memory of the unfortunate incident that led to them temporarily being eradicated from existence. Then I won’t have to apologise profusely to the entire city the day after I took the throne. Some great start to my reign that’ll be, especially if those darn tabloid newspapers get ahold of the story…
Being as Twilight was a stickler for lists, even when the very lives of her family, friends and subjects were at stake, she decided to begin with the topmost artefact first.
- A bushel-full of tail-hair from a beautiful Princess. Not sure what a ‘bushel’ is, or even if I’m as good-looking as I’m about to pretend to be, but a hoofful should be enough, right? Here we go, let me chew down on this piece of wood first… “OW!!’
- A dozen feathers from the majestic Phoenix. “Here, Philly-Philly-Philomena! Rarity told me where you were nesting these days, and I thought you might want to assist… ouch, why are you pecking my muzzle?! Don’t you remember me? Oh, you do, that’s why you’re… anyway, I just wanted to know if you wanted to help me rescue your former owner by donating some… ow, you’re not gonna make this easy, are you? Very well, I’ll just have to do this the difficult way then…” Gee, that smarts. And I’ve gotta repeat the process eleven more times, too. Hurray! This is just how I wanted my first day in charge to be; plucking an overgrown orange chicken. ‘Majestic’ my royal purple flan…
- The Cactus Shaped Like A Carrot from the middle of the uninhabitable San Palomino Desert. Okay, this is starting to become too much. First of all, why does it grow only in the ‘middle of the desert’? Why not on the outskirts, or even a couple of miles in? Also, why does it have to be that specific cactus, and not just any old one? So now, I have to fly through raging sandstorms, overwhelming heat and waves upon waves of terrifying creatures to meticulously check every single bit of plant life out there, until I discover the one which resembles a popular vegetable? Lastly, which great mind of our age christened it ‘Cactus Shaped Like A Carrot’? As soon as this tedious farce is all over, I’m calling the local herbology society to change that to something less… unbelievably stupid.
- The Snowdrop flower which only blooms once a year atop the highest peak in the uncharted Frozen North, Mount Frigid. Brilliant. Just what I needed after almost burning to death… freezing to death. Still at least I can just fly up there, instead of climbing up like a regular… hang on… what else does it say here: Due to the gale-force ice-cold winds which blow in the area and the dangerously high velocity, flight is not recommended in this district. Great. Just great. I could risk it and take to the air anyway, but it’s my bad luck to be cursed with the expediency of always doing what books tell me to do. And I can tell just by the name ‘Mount Frigid’ it’s going to be a walk in the park. Avalanches, yeti monsters, frostbite... the lot. Better borrow some mountain-climbing equipment from one of the abandoned local stores, then. Also, the place that sells padded winter coats. Hope they take I.O.Us…
On and on (and on) Twilight went as the day passed, her determination, commitment and limitations for punishment knowing no bounds. She collected in turn each of these seemingly innocuous items from some of the most lethal places in Equestria, only because they would supposedly save her loved ones, until a very exhausted and frazzled alicorn was finally down to the very last item on the list.
*Puff pant* Phew, I’m almost there now. I’ve been zapped, crushed, clawed, nearly cleaved asunder and almost bitten in two, but I’m at long last in the home stretch. Let’s hope it’s a nice, simple task before I can at last begin chanting the spell. Oh, what do we have here? Long-lost Lich? Almost unimaginable power? His ancient tomb is buried deep, deep underground in a labyrinth chock-a-block with traps, terrors but no treasure? And I have to find his sacred goblet, that he keeps with him at all times? What a surprise. You know what, I’m just about ready to give up…
Before the unusually desolate Twilight was about to collapse out of sheer defeatism, an inspiring image popped into her head. It was that of her six closest friends (including Spike, of course) waving at her smiling, soon to be followed by a moving picture of Twilight Velvet, Night Light and Shining Armour blowing her kisses (a bit out of character for her brother to be doing that, but as it was just a fantasy let’s just go with it).
This unexpected vision of her nearest and dearest gave the struggling Twilight the effect she desired; a second wind. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, how impossible the road ahead is or how many far-off locations I have to visit, I will finish this spell and see my loved ones again! And er, every other creature I guess. Now, onto the Darklands and my date with destiny! Either I come back with the goblet, or I don’t return at all. Watch over me, everypony… I shall return in triumph!
****************
Meanwhile, as Twilight set off for her indescribably dangerous mission…
“Um, Spike? I thought you said Twilight would be here by now. I really need to go and feed Angel, before he tries blowing up the food cupboard again…”
“Yeah, Spike! Fluttershy’s right. We’ve been waiting in the Castle Of Friendship for hours, and not seen any sign of her. I’m not used to spending so long in one place with nothing to do but twiddle my hooves! What’s going on?”
“Well Rainbow, can’t say I know. I thought she’d come straight back to Ponyville after noticing we were all gone, so our surprise birthday party would be just that… a surprise. I hope she hasn’t jumped to any ridiculously far-fetched conclusions like she sometimes does while 'Twilighting', and embarked on an ‘epic’ quest to find us again.”
“I told y’all it were a bad idea to have her coronation the day before her birthday, betcha a basket o’ the best Zap Apples she’s plum forgotten ‘bout it due to the festivities from yesterday! If y’all just listened to me once in a while...”
“You may be right, Applejack; but just look at how full Ponyville is! I’ve never seen crowds this size before… It's like the whole of Canterlot is gathered in our tiny little provincial town! I hope the local residents don’t start getting angry, or we could have riots on our hooves. I don’t want Carousel Boutique to be burnt to the ground, thank you very much!”
“Always the drama queen, aintcha Rarity? It just shows that everypony loves our Princess almost as much as we do! Try not to worry about a thing, Twilight will be back before… well, ‘twilight’, and she’ll sort everything out lickety-split! Don't forget, this was all my idea! If there’s one thing I know about her, it’s that she loves parties, isn’t that right Spike?”
“Er, sure Pinkie: Book Parties, List-making Parties, Advanced Study Sleepover Parties… she’d be down for all of that. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and have a quiet word with Twilight’s parents again. They’re starting to look a bit worried… and I think the last thing Mrs Velvet needs another glass of punch. Who’s clever idea was it to secretly pour an entire bottle of wine in there…?!”
*****************
“Dear sister, you hear Twilight's closest friends talking over there. Surely with all the considerable power at your resources you can see what’s keeping her from attending her own birthday celebrations?”
“That is correct, Luna. She is currently engaged in a life-or-death struggle with the nefarious Lich Lord; having broken the seal that kept him imprisoned for centuries, she is now battling him in his very own lair. It looks like she’s got the upper hoof, too.”
“Wow. Um… shouldn’t we say something?”
“No need. It looks like she’ll be finished up soon enough, and besides she’s taken care of a problem which has blighted Equestria from its very inception. You remember Discord, don’t you?”
“Yes of course I do, Celestia. He’s right over there limbo-dancing with the Smooze. Why?”
“The Lich makes him look like a cute lil pussycat, that’s why. So, whatever her thought process was in doing this, maybe it’ll all work out for the best while she’s got him in his weakened state. Try to relax, enjoy the party and have a piece of this delicious cake I swiped from the coronation feast yesterday when nopony was watching. Mmm, Buttercream! With toffee fondant-filling! A taste sensation fit for a ruler… or an ex-one, anyway.”
“B-But dearest sister, why didn’t you just…”
“...Take care of him during my long reign, you say, Luna? Because then, I’d have had to be proactive. And you know how good I am at that.”
“Point taken, Celestia. Point taken.”