"Sorry, not allowed."
“I can’t wait to go on this new rollercoaster!” Pinkie Pie squealed with delight as she jumped up and down in her long-awaited place near the front of the queue. “It’s got loop-de-loops up the yazoo, downhill parts where you’re like aarrgghh and slow upward climbs where you go zzzzz… but that’s only cos it’s setting you up for the major fantabulousness that lays ahead!! It’s gonna be a total blast-a-roony!!”
“Okay, first of all ‘total blast’ is my catchphrase, please don’t ruin it for me.” Rainbow Dash, as much a daredevil as the frenzied funster frowned at Pinkie’s unintended infringement. “Also, could you stop leaping onto my head while you’re bouncing around? I know you’re excited ‘n’ all, but if you’re not careful you’ll lose your place in the queue. I think that muscular white pegasus behind you has designs on your position…”
“What? Bulk Biceps? Don’t be silly, Rainbow. He’s a total sweetheart!” Pinkie checked behind her briefly, before confidently replying to Rainbow. “He’s just a bit upset I stepped on his hoof earlier. I offered to kiss it better for him, but he said no. Well, if ‘yelling-out-loud-whilst-the-veins-in-his-neck-exploded’ means ‘no’, that is.”
“Just be careful where you tread, ‘Kay? The gate will be open any minute now, so save your enthusiasm for when we’re on the ride proper. You can make as much noise as you like then. Just... not directly into my ear.”
“Minutes? I thought it would be seconds. Aww…” Pinkie looked down onto the ground in disappointment briefly, but soon perked up when she spotted a familiar face. “Hey, Twilight! Yoo-Hoo, Twily! H-E-L-L-O T-W-I-L-I-G-H-T. W-E’R-E O-V-E-R H…”
“Yes, I can see you quite clearly Pinkie. Just because I read a lot of books, it doesn’t mean I suffer from myopia.” An obviously irritated Twilight approached the periphery of the line to remonstrate with the smiling baker.
“My-what? Never mind. Wanna come on this rollercoaster with me and Rainbow? Ever since Fluttershy chickened out to go home and feed her chickens, Applejack left us to try her hoof at apple-bobbing, and Rarity said that ‘such a rough ride is incompatible with a lady who’s just her mane done’ or something, we’ve had at least one slot free. Care to make this twosome a funsome threesome?”
“I only came here today to officially open proceedings at the fair, Pinkie. Just one of my many duties, now I’m a Princess. I was just heading back to catch Spike scoffing diamonds and rubies on my throne when he should be cleaning the Castle Of Friendship from top to bottom. He always managed to elude me before now, but I'll get him one of these days…”
“Forget it Pinkie, all you’re going to hear from Twilight is a bunch of lame excuses.” Rainbow Dash thought she knew the real reason behind the newly-crowned alicorn’s reluctance to step aboard, and she wasn’t afraid to say it. “The truth is, our all-conquering royal egghead is scared-stiff. I saw the look on her face when she passed that quesadilla stall. Pure, undiluted fear.”
“Wait, no, you have it all wrong. I-I wasn’t looking at the…” Twilight didn’t know how to finish that sentence without completely embarrassing herself. “I mean, there are so much more fulfilling ways for one to spend their spare time. You can curl up with a good novel, alphabetise your agendas, polish silverware, spread the message of love and friendship worldwide…”
“Wow Rainbow, I think you’re right! She is a total scaredy-cat-pants! And, she’s not even wearing any clothes!” Pinkie provided Twilight with a cursory attire check (or the lack of it) before she returned to staring at the ride in anticipation. “It’s a shame, this unforgettable experience would be at least 25% cooler with you accompanying us, but I guess me and Dashie are the only brave ponies around here…”
Whilst Rainbow shot Pinkie another dirty look for yet again ‘illegally’ stealing and modifying one of her favourite sayings without express permission, Twilight was getting increasingly hot under the collar (if she had a shirt on, that is. And as we’ve just established, she wasn’t).
“W-What are you trying to imply here? That I’m some kind of coward? I’ll have you know, I have very real excuses… I mean reasons for not wanting to…”
“Rides open. Everypony step back, and enter the carriages one at a time. No shared seats, put your safety belts on and no eating while the ride’s in progress. I do not want to have to wash sticky cotton candy out of my mane tomorrow again, if you so please.”
The bespectacled nasally-voiced stallion in charge of the rollercoaster pulled the cordon back to indicate it's official opening, as Pinkie and Rainbow looked at each other before shrugging their hooves and galloping off to get the best seats.
“W-Wait. I didn’t even tell you why…” Twilight reached a forlorn forehoof over to her now absent friends to no avail, too caught up as they were in a competition to get to the front caboose as quickly as possible. This is too much. I can’t have them thinking I’m some kind of… wimpy, whiny wuss! That would validate at least two unfair stereotypes about the more studiously intellectually-gifted! There’s only one thing for it…
“Move aside!!” Discarding proper decorum momentarily, a determined Twilight pushed ahead a throng of eager ponies to shove her way into contention for the next ride. I’ll show them I’m not just some nerdy wallflower who quakes at the thought of a high-speed contraption going round-and-round in circles! I’ll complete this ride for the sake of unappreciated geniuses and geeks everywhere, and prove once and for all we’re not just a load of wet blankets when it comes to…
“And just where do you think you’re going?”
The nebbish ride-operator swiftly moved to block Twilight’s seemingly inexorable route to the rollercoaster, even as everypony else began piling on in front of her.
“I-I’m going on the ride with my friends. If you look behind you, you’ll see there’s plenty of room…”
“That’s not the issue. The issue… is this.” The thin brown stallion with the glasses motioned with his feather quill to the tip of Twilight’s horn, to the base of her tail.
“I-I don’t understand. Whatever could the problem be?” Twilight afforded herself a quick glance over her body, but it was just as plain and purple as it had ever been.
“I will clearly demonstrate the ‘problem’, if you’ll just give me a moment.” The operator went over to his enclosed booth, throwing aside a much-used notebook and his paper-bag lunch in a quest to discover what he was looking for. “Aha, here we are.”
He produced a rather goofy lifesize cardboard cutout of a pony that more-than-slightly resembled Derpy Hooves and held it against a nonplussed Twilight, nodding his head as if this confirmed his suspicions.
“Yep, just as I thought… way too tall. When you’ve done this job as long as I have, you gain a sixth sense for these sort of things. Sorry Miss, you’ll have to step off now because the ride is about to start.”
What the… “Now look here, Mister…”
“The name is ‘Pencil Pusher’ ma’am, and it’s nothing personal. We just can’t have anypony of your advanced size on the ride. Our seats are not constructed to take mares as big as you, and besides that your extra-long horn might get caught in some of the lower-hanging tracks along the set route. Sorry, but that’s just the way it is. I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them. That’s how I got this badge, you see?”
“Uh huh.” Twilight raised an eyebrow at Pencil Pusher’s somewhat unimpressive plastic nametag, where several of the carefully typed letters in the middle had long since faded away to make it appear as if it spelt something much ruder. “So you’re telling me, if any of the other Princesses turned up right now, and gave you a direct order to let them on this ride…”
“I’d tell them exactly the same.” Pencil Pusher stated this claim with absolute certainty, and as unlikely as it seemed Twilight believed he would. “I’m not jeopardising the job I love for anything, even the risk of going to prison. Health And Safety isn’t just a job, it’s a calling… and it’s one I was born to answer. It’s not like I’m singling you out specifically; this cast-iron rule also applies to some of the bigger stallions, like the large red guy from earlier who said ‘Yup’ and ‘Nope’ a lot, and the bodybuilding fitness freak over there…”
Pencil Pusher pointed with a shaking scrawny hoof at a nearby Bulk Biceps, who was giving him the mother of all vengeful stares. Whether Pencil's obvious trembling was caused by the fact that this was the exact type of musclebound bully who used to kick sand in his face when he was a mere bureaucrat is unclear, but at least he had a perfect opportunity to get his own back now. Kinda.
Unable to think of anything else to state in her defence, Twilight could only back away in slight annoyance as the rollercoaster began its steep uphill ascent without her on board. Pinkie and Rainbow were both so excited they even forgot to wave, and the loss of experiencing this fun activity with her friends left a hollow feeling at the back of her head.
Out of all the things I thought I’d miss the most after my alicorn transformation, I never would’ve thought ‘going on a fairground ride’ would be somewhere at the top of the list! ‘List’… now there’s an idea. I suppose I better get home and start compiling one of all the stuff that’ll be different for me from now on. And as Spike will be busy sweeping his room when I return (I wish) I know just the unoccupied sturdy chap to help me…
She turned to an irate Bulk Biceps, who’d resorted to taking out his frustrations on the now-unsupervised cardboard cutout by headbutting it to oblivion. “Hi there. You seem like a hard worker. I was wondering though, do you know anything about filing, tabulating, pigeon-holing…?”