The Pale Moonlight - original
The Pale Moonlight
By: TCSnxs
Dear Celestia,
Oh, how do I even begin this? While speaking with your student Twilight, she mentioned that letters to you were how she let you in on her most intimate thoughts. Thinking about it, it makes sense. Such letters are different than the Royal Correspondence I'm used to. There is no formality in private family, even for rulers. Such pretense can’t hold with what I must tell you.
Tia, so much has changed from the world I knew before I fell into madness. But the one constant has been you and one constant in you I’ve always respected your sense of justice. Even when I, as the Nightmare, was banished to the moon, there was a part of me that accepted it. Even in my lunacy—how I hate that term—there was understanding.
I don’t remember much from just before the Nightmare overtook me. I do remember that when our little ponies practically worshiped the daylight, I couldn’t help but feel jealous. Looking back, it seems foolish. But understand that my world was the night sky! The stars and the shapes they took on, I made to retell the greatest of our legends. It was my canvas, I was the artist and the eventide was my great masterpiece! But what is art if nopony cares to see it?
I know it’s over simplifying the matter, but you know I’m not one to dwell on mistakes. What I can’t gloss over though was that Tirek-inspired daemon that I became because of that jealousy.
This may sound strange Tia, but can you imagine what it’s like being trapped within a nightmare? Where life, as you know it, is nothing but a surreal perception that you can’t break free of? It was like reality was nothing but a random series of heinous emotions and events beyond my control. Can you imagine watching the world you know, and your very reality, fall into greater and greater lacuna in the story of your life?
That’s what it felt like within the grip of the Nightmare. When that beast fed upon my jealousy, gaps in time began to appear. I could swear it was after Moonrise when, in fact, it was Sunrise. I could feel the emptiness in my stomach and an opaque veil clouding my thoughts.
You were ever an understanding soul, though I know you can be harsh when left without choice. During the incident with Discord, it was there. Even when we used the Rainbow of Light to forge the Elements of Harmony, there was that cold purpose in your eyes. It was always there beneath your calm exterior. Necessity always seemed to do that to you.
Those Elements I helped forged and control began to slip away from my grasp. The laughter, generosity and kindness in my heart ceased to exist. Instead, thoughts and feelings emerged from those secret places that we don’t talk about at parties. The gaps eventually ceased before of the Nightmare fully merged with my reality. There was a small part of me, your little sister, still there. But who can hear a crying foal over the winds of a hurricane?
I remember you, in your infinite patience, trying to get me to see reason. You were cajoling and pleading with me. Not as a sovereign, but as a big sister. You tried so hard to reason with me while atop the towers of the castle that night. Remember? It was when I refused to lower the moon. How could the crops grow without the Sun? Wouldn’t our beloved little ponies suffer without the daylight? The day and the night were always in necessary balance. How many ponies would die for my arrogance?
There was that small part of me that wanted to take that hoof you extended in peace. But mainly I remember just laughing after I spit on your face. Such things as “compromise” didn’t matter. If our subjects wouldn’t love the night of their own volition, then I would force it upon them!
I remember then seeing nothing but the fierceness in your eyes when I would not relent. It was the same eyes you had when Discord refused to yield.
As you watched everypony suffer under his chaotic will, there was nothing left but action. Do you remember Tia? I suppose it was result of the fact that you were the loyal one. Ever were you devoted to the ponies that look up to you for guidance. Ever were you honest to the ideals we wanted Equestria to embody.
As the crown of the Element of Magic began to hum, the jewels of the manifest Elements we wore worked to bind him within that stone prison. He screamed as we shot the Rainbow of Light at him, encasing him that earthen prison. It’s ironic that such a symbol of all that is good could pass such a cruel punishment.
The lucid part of me imagined what Discord felt when I received that same stare. That harsh glare as your eyes and horn began that same glow. It froze my soul, Tia. As the Rainbow of Light swirled around me, stripping me of my birthright, there was the acceptance there as I ceased to exist in a physical sense.
Then I remember simply...existing. There was no sense of time as there was nothing to measure such concepts against. The Nightmare and I were nothing but an incorporeal concept, like an abstract thought. The coldness of space can’t touch an intangible thing. But I was cold, Tia. So cold, scared, angry and sad. I could look at our home from that celestial prison I was sentenced to. Do you know what it's like, Tia, to see home from such a vast distance and not being able to touch it?
The raging Nightmare was angry, but that foolish little sister simply cried for home.
I had this vague sense of remorse for what reasons I couldn’t fathom. All I knew was I had wronged Equestria, I had wronged you. Between the feelings of vengeance and anger that raged around what cognitive consciousness I had, the feeling of heartache grew. I couldn’t watch you, feel you raise the sun every morning. I couldn’t laugh with you over the latest letters from Star Swirl. I couldn’t watch our homeland grow and prosper. I was alone, Tia, and it hurt more than you can fathom.
The moon was the only friend I had, and my only solace against the unrelenting Nightmare. Most of our subjects speak of the sun and the moon as lifeless things, but you and I always knew better, Tia. They were ever the living aspects of balance and governors of the same. As their stead, we "speak" them for. Most will never understand that and why we call ourselves the Solar and Lunar Regents.
It was also like a mother, in a way. It held that me as it would a foal, whispering that things would be alright in time. It swaddled me and told me that all would be forgiven. It kissed that sore spot in my heart with that maternal magic. I suspect part of it was, somewhere, I knew you would move the moon in my place. There was comfort in it.
Gradually, that little foal grew stronger in the face of the Nightmare. It was tempering in a way. If that little foal, your little sister could survive this, then what could she accomplish if given a chance? The wicked dream was still there, but it somehow felt almost manageable. Even against the heartache at the loss of you and the loneliness it engendered, I grew to understand one thing.
If I got the chance, I would make it right with you, Tia.
I wanted desperately to be rid of the Nightmare, but one may as well rip off their own wings or tail! Your little sister was not angry at you Tia, but at what I had become and what I did. More than anything else, your little sister wanted to make it up to everypony. Such were the things I told myself as we continued to circle the home we once knew. The Nightmare was an ever present predator stalking my heart, but it couldn’t have the whole. Your little sister wouldn’t allow it!
Then I remember the feeling that it was time to go home! Huzzah! The only problem was the Nightmare would come with me. Prophecies don’t take into account the sorrow of little sisters and the aches that stalk their hearts.
It was the time of the Summer Sun Celebration, or Summer Solstice as I knew it. While I was regaining my corporeal body, I looked around as my vision returned. In a way, it felt like I never left. The grass was still green and the stars were still where I remembered putting them! When I closed my eyes and sniffed, the trees had that smell I knew! However, the Nightmare wasn’t one to be forgotten nor to forgive. That black fog was still there. I tried to fight against it Tia! I tried so hard...
I remember finding you in our old home in the Everfree. Such was my desire to see you that, for a split second, it felt like that fog had departed it. I wanted so much to run to your side and hug you! I needed to know everything was okay. But the Nightmare I became laughed at the delicious irony of finding you in the old throne room staring at the inert Elements of Harmony. I suspected you were there waiting for me, but I didn’t care for the reason.
I remember sending you to...someplace. I didn’t remember if it was Tartarus or someplace else, but that darkness I was needed you to know what it felt like. What you had done to me, you would feel it in spades. The part that was your little sister cried out against it, but it wasn’t enough. Vengeance was the Nightmare’s.
Then I remember then going into a town I didn’t recall being on any map when I was banished. Ponyville, as I heard it called from one of its denizens. The Nightmare wanted to remind these ponies of what the night was really about!
The gasp of the ponies was delicious to the dark beast. The ineptitude of the guards, in their valiant attempt to seize the Nightmare, was so wonderful! The little sister inside, though, found a young unicorn mare who knew of the everything. Something about this pony drew a sense of dread in the Nightmare and a sliver of hope for your little sister. The darkness around me tried to obfuscate that feeling of fear with sarcasm, but it didn’t matter.
I remember the Nightmare wanting to retire to the Everfree to start building. The shadows surrounding your little sister wanted to rebuild things as they were, so it would start with our old home. In that dense forest, it could truly make the world an eternal eventide without interference. The magics unleashed there centuries ago had warped the forest like someplace modeled after the beast’s own heart. Even then, home always draws one like a beacon. I’ve come recognize there is an element of truth in that
Those designs wouldn’t last though. That unicorn and her friends would dare to interfere. The Nightmare wouldn’t stand for it! But that little sister, who wanted to break free, fought with the beast at every turn. She...I would not see this happen. Not again!
The beast could have harmed them, but I wouldn’t allow it! As the soon-to-be Bearers of the Elements passed every test thrown at them, I fought against the darkness with everything I had left. Where the Nightmare wanted to send them off a cliff, I made it so they went onto an incline. Where the Nightmare wanted the brash pegasus to be a minion, I forced the idea of choice.
Even if we were both weak compared to what we had been, the Nightmare was still stronger than I was. Had I been able to, I would have banished the Nightmare! But I was so tired, Tia. If you can imagine a pegasus trying to haul a mountain in an unending labor akin to those of Marecules, you can fathom how I felt. Even alicorns have their limits, yes?
When the group reached ruins of what you and I once called home, I felt the Elements begin to spring to life. There was hope albeit slim by margin. The unicorn tried to activate them by magic, could you believe it! It was quaint in a way, though she failed. It didn’t matter. The Elements would manifest if one that binds them found understanding.
The Nightmare teleported with the Elements to another part of the castle to bide her time for a larger jump, but that unicorn—your student—hopped in the teleportation spell just as it fired.
As she came to, she thought to actually charge the Nightmare with a spell on her horn! The beastial Nightmare mocked her and charged while your little sister silently screamed. That resourceful unicorn though fired her own teleportation spell a second before the collision could occur. I can see why you chose her, Tia. She’s a clever mare.
When the rest of her cadre stormed into the bedroom, the newly chosen Element of Magic finally understood what harmony was all about. Remember when we forged them, Tia? They were to be embodiments of the most noble parts of the spirits of our little ponies. Only could the notions of Honesty, Loyalty, Kindness, Generosity, and Laughter comprehend the Magic that was the Rainbow of Light, and wield it in such a way to keep it just and pure.
The spells we worked into the metal and jewels would select those who best embodied those ideals. It was your idea, and one I agree with, to safeguard the use of a power that could lay low those that could rightfully be called Gods. As I recall, you also called it a safeguard in case you or I ever fell to madness.
As the mare spoke of her lesson from the heart, the Nightmare began to feel dread full on. Your little sister dared to hope. Just maybe that fog could be lifted. Being touched by the Elements once before, I could feel their power building as they were paired with those six ponies. That little sister...I cried again Tia. I knew what was coming and I was thankful for it!
Then I remember those eyes again, so like yet unlike yours. Where there was cold judgment in your gaze as that critical moment, these were compassionate, almost warm like a spring day. I watched as that familiar prismatic light erupted from the revitalized Elements. As it surrounded my form, your little sister of yours erupted in joy. Then I remember feeling no pain as the Nightmare was violently ripped away from me. For some reason, I expected there to be a lot of pain. But I would accept that. I was sure that pain would be my salvation.
These Elements weren’t judging though. There was understanding, as if it saw the part that was your little sister was hurting. What it saw was a foolish mare that wanted nothing more than to be by your side again. The Elements saw the sad little foal caught in a storm without the light that was her big sister. But whatever the Elements of Harmony would pass as sentence for a second usurping, I would accept it.
Where I thought would be stone or a return to that incorporeal existence, there was only peace. Those eyes glowed again, seemingly having decided upon a sentence. Before I knew it, the world grew black and still. I vaguely remember thinking that "if this were end of my life, I would be thankful to have those last moments as my true self, free of the Nightmare." I would die as the pony I was before the Nightmare, and I was thankful for that.
“Princess Luna,” were all I heard before gasping for air and opening my eyes. There was no haze, no cloudiness in my thoughts. “it has been a thousand years since I have seen you like this.”
The smoking armor, the vestiges of the Nightmare, evaporated to nothing while you climbed the stairs of the dais. I looked up only to see you, backed by the light of your sun. It was like I was a foal again, looking up and admiring your strength inside and out. There wasn’t that frozen stare, but a softness I grew accustomed to in my youth.
“It’s time to put our differences behind us, little sister,” You spoke without judgment. You even knelt down and looked into my eyes. “We were meant to rule together. Will you accept my friendship?”
I don’t know if you can understand how long I wanted to hear those words. Any remaining bitterness shattered inside like a thin layer of ice being struck with a hammer. Even the Element of Laughter falling on her face couldn’t interrupt the moment.
“I’m so sorry! I missed you so much, big sister!” I said. I still mean those words, Tia.
As we made our way back to Ponyville in your chariot, the citizens weren’t possessing of the judgment I thought they would. A thousand years of separation in memory has that effect I guess, but it was forgiveness all the same. Things were different now, or so I hoped. I don’t know if you caught the look on your student’s face when you decreed that she needed to study “the Magic of Friendship” from her new home in Ponyville.
It struck me how much she admired you, how much everypony admires you. I understand why now. Where I fell to the Nightmare in my jealousy and arrogance, you were always the benevolent, comforting light.
As time began to thankfully pass again, you were ever patient while I immersed myself in the current world. I had a lot to learn and it would take time, but you were understanding. Gradually, as I began to resume my duties to the moon and our little ponies, you were sometimes silent.
There was a sadness in your eyes, Tia, such as when I grew frustrated with Blueblood after that Gala for treating the Element of Generosity in such an awful way. This pony, Rarity, was one-sixth of my salvation, and he had the nerve to treat her like a trollop! I remember the look on your face when I suggested, in due seriousness, that you put the Prince from the House of Unicorns through the mountain Canterlot resides on in the most literal way possible.
It was then you suggested I read your student’s reports on Friendship—indeed, there is magic in it—and even suggested I spend Nightmare Night with her and the other Elements. Even then, I couldn’t help but notice. As much as I wanted things to be the same, Tia, they couldn’t be. Not as things stood between us. I couldn’t put my hoof on it, but I needed to make this right. It was I that had erred, was it not?
I discussed this with Twilight at great length after delivering the "Chronicles of Starswirl" as compiled by the Royal Librarian, and she told me something surprising! She wondered if your heart was heavy with regret for using the Elements on me and the Nightmare. Perhaps you regretted banishing me because I was your sister? She's astute, that one. In truth, her logic was sound and along what I was thinking.
It made sense when I watched after you had wept yourself to sleep. Father once spoke of the need for absolution, the need for forgiveness as our actions affect so many. It's almost unfair for a pony to be placed on so high a pedestal and to sacrifice everything for the good of the many. It's not as easy as most would think.
Big sister, I need you to know this. I love you as much as any sister could. You were, and are, always my source of strength and my fulcrum in the ever tipping landscape that is our lives. I was ready to die those scant few years ago in our old home if the Elements deemed it appropriate. It would have been justice, Tia. That’s why we made them, is it not?
For what this is worth, for any “wrong” you think you have done, I forgive you. You have ever acted in the interest of the greater good, and there is no fault in that. I only hope that, deep down, you forgive me for the things the Nightmare did and would have done.
I tell you these things not as fellow ruler, nor even as a sister. But as a friend who has been with you for these many centuries. You, who have watched with regret as I committed the gravest of offenses, are my moonlight. I want you to understand that, while I was in that non-existence for a millennium, I never once forgot about you, Tia. You were one thing that has been steady before and since my return. I will never forget that.
Your student and her cadre are worthy as bearers of the Elements of Harmony, and you are ever worthy of the adoration heaped upon you. Especially mine. I don’t really know if this makes things “right” between us, but as you have always been there for me, sister, shall I always be there for you.
With the moon's love and mine,
Your little sister Luna