Alone
I just want to breathe.
My lungs scream for air every second I'm trapped in my stony prison. My muscles ache, begging for any kind of use. I just want to move my legs. Even that would be a reward greater than paradise itself. Why had things gone so wrong? Why did the princess of friendship decide that I needed to suffer this fate forever? I'm just a filly. It's not really my fault. Tirek and Chrysalis are way worse than me! I'm not bad. Not really.
It's so dark in here. I just want to move. I just want to breathe. It's like being constricted by an impossibly powerful snake. Just one wiggle. Why can't I even have that?
It's so dark.
How long have I been here? Why can't I die? If I can't breathe and I can't move, I'd like to be dead. Please somepony help me!
I didn't want it to go this way.
Wait... is that light? Maybe I've gotten my wish and I'm actually dead. Then all of this would actually end. I'm hearing cracking now, and somehow I'm able to move my front legs ever so slightly. My heart leaps for joy as I realize that the stone is breaking away from me. With each piece that falls off, I can move more. Finally the last piece falls away, and I plummet off of the pedestal onto the ground. I suck in air, more precious than all of the wealth in Canterlot. I can move. I can breathe. I curl up into a ball and start crying in joy and pain, happy to finally be free. Maybe things are going to be different this time around.
Somepony clears her throat, and I look up to see a pony that looks like Princess Celestia. But she's different. Still tall. Still wavy mane. She's...
"Twilight?"
She's just staring at me. I don't know what she's thinking. She's not even blinking. Eventually she lights her horn and floats something down to me.
"Here."
I frown and take what looks like a scrap of paper. A train ticket? Before I can ask Twilight more, she turns and begins walking away. I get up and start running after her, glancing back for a second to see that Chrysalis and Tirek are still in stone. I look back and fly to catch up.
"Twilight! What's going on? How long have I been in stone?"
Twilight doesn't look at me.
"It might be best to hurry. If you're still in Canterlot when that train leaves, there will be severe consequences."
I flinch back and blink in confusion. "Wh-what?"
"Go back to Ponyville, Cozy. You are not to leave."
"Okay." I nod. "So am I gonna talk to Starlight or the Cutie Mark Crusaders or something? You know, about reforming, or something?" I think back to being in stone and shudder. No more of that.
"Cozy. Leave now."
With that, she takes off, leaving me all alone in the small, almost abandoned corner of the statue garden. I look back over at the statue that I've been freed from. I wonder why Twilight freed me and not them. Maybe she thought that I could get better.
I gulp and fly up, holding my ticket tightly in my hooves. Nopony looks up at me as I fly over Canterlot. Where is the train station? I see a stallion sitting on a park bench reading a newspaper. I land next to him and poke his shoulder.
"Hey mister? Where's the train station?"
"Hm?" He glances down at me. "Oh. That way." He points in the general direction of the train station, then goes back to reading his newspaper. I start flying again and after a few minutes, I see the smoke from a train in the distance. I go a little bit faster to make sure that I get there in time. I don't want to know what Twilight means by "severe consequences."
Most of the ponies have already gotten onto the train when I land. The conductor ponies are already yelling about shutting the doors when I get to one.
"Is this the train going to Ponyville?" I ask.
He glances down at me, then snatches the ticket out of my hooves and nudges me aboard. The door shuts before I can even find a seat. I'm still walking down the rows when the train starts, tripping me and making me hit my head on the edge of one of the seats. I cry out in pain, but none of the ponies around me do anything. They just keep talking with each other. I finally find an empty seat and lie down, happy to finally be relaxing. My head still hurts, though. I put my hoof on my head where I hit it and flinch when I feel blood.
This is still all much better than being in stone.
My ears perk up when I hear a pony pushing a cart. I sit up and see somepony with a cart of food and drinks. Celestia knows how long it's been since I've eaten, and the sight of the food is making my stomach growl. It looks like she's going to walk right past me until I put a hoof on her leg.
"Uh... excuse me? Can... can I have one of those salads and a bottle of water?"
The mare looks down at me, giving me the same uninterested look that everypony else has. "Five bits."
I flatten my ears and bite my lip. "Oh, uh... I don't... have any money, but I haven't eaten in a long time, so if... if you could be nice, I'm sure my parents will be happy to pay you back."
"No money, no food."
With that, she pushes the cart past me.
I whimper and curl back up on the seat. I know I did bad stuff, but why is everypony treating me like this? I guess everypony knows about it by now, but I still think I should get food and water. I try not to think about how hungry and thirsty I am as the train keeps going to Ponyville.
It's then that I feel something. Something warm and kind, like a blanket over my back. I recognize it as a wing.
"Shh," the pony says, stroking my back with her wing. The voice is sort of familiar, but I don't really remember who it might be. "It's okay. You're not worthless. I know it hurts now, but everything will be okay."
"Thank you," I whisper, my jaw wobbling and tears forming in my eyes. "Who are--" But when I open my eyes, nopony is there.
It's evening when we get to Ponyville. My head isn't bleeding anymore, so that's good. I know that nopony is going to look at me, so I just get in line and wait my turn to get off of the train.
Ponyville looks the same. How long has it been? That doesn't matter now. The only thing that matters is getting home. Hopefully Mom and Dad are happy to see me, and I have one safe place that I can go. I start flying again, going to my house. I keep thinking I'll hear ponies talking about me, saying all of the bad stuff I did. But I don't hear anything. I shouldn't be surprised at this point. Nopony wants to talk to me.
I smile for the first time when I see my house. Mom's garden is still there, perfect as usual. Since it's evening, I know they'll be home. I land and turn the door handle.
Locked.
I frown and try it again. Mom and Dad never lock their doors. It's Ponyville. I know they're home since I can see a light on in the living room. Weird. Since it's locked, I knock on the door. I instantly hear one of them getting off of the couch. Maybe Mom, since she likes to read a book on the couch after dinner. I smile as Mom opens the door. I'm home!
Mom is smiling too, but it instantly goes away when she looks down and sees me. "Oh. Cozy."
"Mom!" I jump forward and wrap my forelegs around hers. "Mom, I'm home!" I take in a shaky breath and start crying. "I'm sorry! I'm really, really sorry!"
"Honey, who's at the door?" I hear Dad ask.
"It's... Cozy," Mom says.
"Cozy?"
"Dad!" I push past Mom and fly over to Dad, wrapping my forelegs around him and nuzzling his neck. "I'm really happy to be home. I love you guys. I'm not bad anymore. Can you ever forgive me?" I look up and see that they're giving each other bewildered looks. I frown and let go of Dad. "What's wrong?"
"Well..." Mom takes a deep breath and looks down at me. "We're just... surprised, is all. It's been three years."
My heart sinks and I flinch back. Three years of darkness and not being able to breathe. Was it only that? It felt like forever. I try not to think about that and force a smile back onto my face. "Yeah, but things are going to be different now! I want to work really hard at reforming and stuff."
"Yeah, that's great, Cozy," Dad says, still looking at me confused. "We just never thought you'd be back."
"Well, here I am!" I look in the direction of the kitchen. "What's for dinner? I'm starving!"
"Cozy, I really don't think you get it," Mom says, taking a step toward me. "Do you know how much you hurt your dad and me when we found out what kind of monster you are?"
My smile instantly goes away, and I flatten my ears. "But--"
"You tried to take over Equestria and hurt so many ponies," Dad says. "We were devastated when we heard. We thought that you were a good filly. To hear that you're not--"
"But I'm gonna be this time! Honest!" I cry, taking a step toward them. I whimper when they each take a step back. "I'm gonna be better!"
"The neighbors kept talking. Everypony did," Mom says. "We wanted to come to your defense, to justify it somehow, but we couldn't. How could we convince anypony that you have any good at all?"
"But I'm gonna prove it this time!" I insist. "M-Maybe this time I can be in Twilight's school for real and actually learn a lot about being a real friend!"
"Yeah, we heard something like that when you first enrolled," Dad says with a grimace. "We believed you then. I'm sorry, but we don't believe you now. Why would we?"
"Because... because I..." I bite my lip and stare down at the floor. "It hurt so much being in stone. I don't ever want to hurt anypony ever again."
"So you want to be good not because you're good, but because you don't want to suffer the consequences," Mom says with a sigh. "You haven't changed at all. I don't think you ever will."
"But I will," I whimper, looking up at Mom as tears start falling. "M-Maybe I'm not a good pony right now, but I want to be!"
"If you say so," Dad replies. "You have no idea how proud of you we were. You had every opportunity in the world. Now..." He scoffs and shakes his head before walking to the kitchen. He stops and looks back at me for a second. "Now you're just a big disappointment."
I whimper and collapse onto the floor, crying harder now. "Dad. C-Come back. I didn't mean it!" I whimper. I look up at Mom, who's still grimacing. "Mom, does Dad hate me now?"
"Hate might be a strong word, but..." Mom sighs and drops her ears. "We wanted to be behind you. We wanted to keep loving you, but... we just can't."
I pause for just a moment, my brain trying to figure out what she just said, but once it does, I let out a loud wail and collapse onto the floor. I curl into a ball and cry. I wish I was back in the statue.
"Cozy." Mom puts her hoof on my shoulder, but instead of a loving touch, it feels empty. "You need to go. After you were imprisoned, your father and I terminated our parental rights. Some other ponies have the right to adopt you until you turn eighteen, but for right now, you need to leave."
I can only keep crying. None of this is making any sense. I know I did bad stuff, but Mom and Dad don't love me anymore? I want to be back in stone. Maybe I should just go back to Canterlot and ask Princess Twilight to do it. Anything would be better than this.
Mom walks away, leaving me to cry. I don't know how long she's gone, but eventually I feel her lift me into the air with her magic. "Don't, Mommy," I whimper. "I don't wanna go. I'll do better."
Mom doesn't say anything as she opens the door and drops me onto the porch. I sit up as she puts a bag with a sandwich in it by my hooves.
"Goodbye, Cozy." With that, she closes the door, and I hear it lock. I shoot to my hooves and bang on the door, begging them to let me in. The light turns off in the living room, and the house is quiet.
I eventually stop crying. I don't have any tears left. I almost don't remember the sandwich Mom made for me. I don't even remember eating it, but I think I did, because the hunger isn't as bad. I go to the lake and drink until I feel full. It's really dark, and it's starting to get cold. I need to find somewhere to sleep. All I can really find is an empty park bench. It's something. I just want to be home. I want to curl up with Mom and Dad, who'd tell me that everything will be okay.
But it's not going to be okay, is it? Nopony wants me.
It's then that I feel the wing on my back like on the train. "I know it hurts. It won't hurt forever, I promise."
Just like last time, nopony is there.
* * * *
I wake up to the sounds of ponies walking through the park. None of them are looking at me. I shouldn't be surprised at this point. My stomach growls as I sit up. I guess only having one sandwich and some water in three years isn't really all that filling. I need to find food.
The Ponyville market is just like I remembered it. Most of the stalls have food. One of them has to be nicer than the mare on the train yesterday. The first stall I see is Applejack's. I guess it must be a weekend, or the school is on a break. She barely acknowledges me when I walk up. I try for a smile, but it doesn't work.
"H-Hi, Professor Applejack. Applejack. Uh... how are you?"
Applejack looks down at me and grunts. "That's it, huh? Tried ta take over all of Equestria, banished us to Tartarus, tried to hurt everypony, and all you can say after three years in stone is 'hi, how are you?'"
I flinch back. "I'm sorry. I'm..."
"Apple Bloom and her friends were real hurt, ya know? They trusted you," she continues. "We all did. You know how evil a pony has to be to break trust as much as you did?"
"I know," I whimper. "I know it'll take a long, long time before you trust me again. Tell Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo that I'm sorry."
Applejack scoffs and shakes her head. "They wouldn't believe you, and neither do Ah. Now if you'll excuse me..." She motions behind me, where there's a line of ponies.
"Sure," I mutter.
It's the same stuff everywhere. Everypony tells me how much of a disappointment I am, and that I'm a bad pony. There definitely aren't going to be any that give me food.
Nopony helps me. All I can do is wander around. I try Sugarcube Corner, since Pinkie Pie would be happy to help. She's an Element. She wouldn't be super mean to a starving filly.
She's not there, and the Cakes kick me out and ban me from the shop.
I try Rarity. She's the Element of Generosity. But nopony is home.
Fluttershy has to help me, right? She's the Element of Kindness. As I walk up to her cottage, all of the animals are gone, and the cottage is dark. It's usually so full of life, so it looks weird to see it so empty. Still, even as I walk up to it, something about it is comforting. Even when I was trying to take over Equestria, I admit that I liked her the most. Still, she's not home, so I have to leave.
By then I'm so hungry that I can barely stand. I just want food. Finally I come across an empty field. It mostly has brown grass, but I'm so hungry that I don't care.
It only helps a little bit.
* * * *
It's been days since I had real food or a place to stay. Everypony is treating me like I'm not there. I have grass and water. I want something real. Maybe I could do something for somepony, and they'd either feed me or give me a few bits to buy something.
That could work.
I spend several other days asking ponies. None of them want to have anything to do with me.
So hungry.
My ribs are starting to show.
I don't know how long it's been since I got back to Ponyville. The only Element I can find is Applejack, and that's only when she's selling her apples. I haven't seen my parents either. I go back to the Ponyville market when it opens. I don't think that any of them are going to give me food or anything to do for them. I stare at one of Applejack's apples. A bright red one. I'm so hungry that I can barely walk, but I spread my wings and fly as fast as I can. Applejack turns and sees me flying toward her, but can't stop me before I grab the apple off of her cart. She shouts in anger as I fly off, swallowing the apple in two bites. It's pure paradise. I'm still hungry, but it's not as bad now.
Before I can do anything else, I'm grabbed from behind and pinned to the ground. I turn my head and see a policepony. Figures. He grabs me and pulls me over to Applejack's cart, where her and a bunch of other ponies are standing, all of them glaring at me.
"Welp, Ah thought so. You came to me tellin' me that you wanted ta gain mah trust back, then you go and steal somethin'." She scoffs and shakes her head. "Knew you were an evil filly."
"What did you expect from her?" one of the other merchants snarls. "She was born bad!"
"I heard her parents gave up on her! Smartest thing they ever did," another one shouts.
"I'm sorry!" I wail. "I was hungry! Why do none of you care?!"
"We're showing you just as much care as you showed us," Applejack says. "That is to say: none. You only care 'bout yourself."
"But... but..." I turn my head as a thought strikes me. "So I guess I'm under arrest now, huh?" If they lock me in a cell, they still have to feed me! "So take me to the police station and book me! Yeah, do it or I'll steal as much stuff as I can find!"
"Nice try, kid." The officer puts me down. "Just don't do it again."
"No. No! Why won't anypony help me?!" I let out an angry cry and begin flying around, smashing everything that I can get my hooves on. I crush fruit, smash vegetables, break plates, and throw pots and pans all over the place. "See? See? Look at everything that I'm doing! You have to arrest me now! You... you..." I run out of energy as my hunger takes over. I lay on the ground, moaning in pain. Everypony just stares at me. I wail and curl up on the ground. I know that what I did was bad, but I can't get better like this.
I twitch when I feel myself being picked up by a pair of hooves. My crying stops as I'm held tight.
"Shh. Don't cry, little one. I love you. You don't have to worry. You're safe."
I wish it was my mom's voice, but it's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Her hug is safe and warm. I want her to be there this time. I reach out to hug whoever's holding me, but hit nothing but air. I open my eyes. Nopony is holding me. I whimper and turn back to the crowd. Why can't I see her?!
"Who was that? Who was just holding me?!"
Applejack scoffs and shakes her head. "Nopony was there. Crazy and evil."
"No, no I felt somepony holding me. She... she said that she loved me," I reply.
"Nopony in all of Equestria loves or even cares for you," one of the other merchants says. "Now go away." The others nod in agreement before going back to their damaged stalls, none of them really caring about what I did. The policepony picks me up and dumps me right outside of the market. He then flies away without saying anything.
* * * *
Nopony says anything else to me after that. At best they just nudge me away when I try to talk to them. It's like I don't even exist. All I have is hunger. I can't think straight. I can't walk or fly straight. At this point I'm going to starve to death, and at best a trash pony will pick me up and throw me in the Ponyville dump. I can't go on like this. Anything is better. I wish that Twilight had never freed me from stone.
I'm sitting at Ghastly Gorge, staring down and watching the rock eels. This is as far from Ponyville as I can get. Every time I try to follow the train tracks to find somewhere else that might take me, my brain just gets fuzzy, and I can't tell where I am until I turn around and go back to Ponyville. My stomach has stopped growling. It's just pain. Grass and water isn't enough.
It's a long way down.
I slowly nod. A very long way down. Maybe I don't have to live like this forever. I strain my ears, hoping to hear that voice again. It's the only good thing that I've had since I got out of stone.
But even if I did hear it, it's not real anyway.
I steal a piece of rope and tie it around my barrel, pinning my wings to my side. They'd stop me. With one shaky breath, I jump.
I feel like I'm falling forever. I forget the hunger. I forget how everypony has been treating me. I just think about the voice that held me and said that it loved me. Even if it was just a delusion from hunger, it's the best thing I've felt in years.
Then I hit the ground, and the world around me explodes in pain. I let out an ear-piercing screech as what feels like every bone in my body breaks. I thought it would be over fast. Not this. Anything but this. My legs are jutting out at odd angles, and I know that I've broken my back. I thought that when you did, you didn't feel anything. I feel all of it. I didn't know stuff could hurt this much.
A rock eel slithers out of its hole and hovers over me. It just stares.
"P-Please," I whisper. "Just do something. Eat me. Anything."
It stares at me for another few seconds before it slithers back into its hole. I let out one last scream, then black out.
* * * *
I just want to breathe.
My lungs scream for air every second I was trapped in my stony prison. My muscles ache, begging for any kind of use. I just want to move my legs. Even that would be a reward greater than paradise itself. Why had things gone so wrong? Why did the princess of friendship decide that I needed to suffer this fate forever? I'm just a filly. It's not really my fault. Tirek and Chrysalis are way worse than me! I'm not bad. Not really.
It's so dark in here. I just want to move. I just want to breathe. It's like being constricted by an impossibly powerful snake. Just one wiggle. Why can't I even have that?
It's so dark.
How long have I been here? Why can't I die? If I can't breathe and I can't move, I'd like to be dead. Please somepony help me!
I didn't want it to go this way.
Wait... is that light? Maybe I've gotten my wish and I'm actually dead. Then all of this would actually end. I'm hearing cracking now, and somehow I'm able to move my front legs ever so slightly. My heart leaps for joy as I realize that my stony prison is breaking away from me. With each piece that falls off, I can move more. Finally the last piece falls away, and I plummet off of the pedestal onto the ground. I suck in air, more precious than all of the wealth in Canterlot. I can move. I can breathe. I curl up into a ball and start crying in joy and pain, happy to finally be free. Maybe things are going to be different this time around.
Somepony clears her throat, and I look up to see a pony that looks like Princess Celestia. But she's different. Still tall. Still wavy mane. She's...
"Twilight?"
She's just staring at me. I don't know what she's thinking. She's not even blinking. Eventually she lights her horn and floats something down to me.
"Here."
I frown and take what looks like a scrap of paper. A train ticket?
But...
* * * *
I stare at the statue of Cozy, Tirek and Chrysalis with a pit in my stomach. I shouldn't. It's wrong. By all laws of every universe, it's wrong. I can stop it whenever I want.
But they hurt her, and after all of these years, this is all I have left.
I turn when I hear somepony walking up next to me. I nod at her. "Twilight."
"Discord." She grimaces and puts her hoof on Cozy's head. "You can't stop thinking about it either?"
I grunt. "I should be able to let it go. It's been years. Still..."
Twilight nods. "I get it. I was scared that day, too. Chrysalis and Tirek were dangerous enemies, but Cozy? I just don't understand."
"I don't think we ever will."
"I thought I'd be able to sense them. How they're feeling in there, I mean."
That means my magic did its work. If you sensed how they felt, you'd have stopped it long ago.
She casts a spell on the statue, but shakes her head after a moment. "If I felt that they wanted to reform, I'd be glad to free them."
"Maybe someday." I walk up to the statue and put my hand on Cozy. "But all I feel is anger and resentment. Every year I come back and hope that they'll feel something different, but they never do. If you let them out now, who knows what they'll do?"
"At least Cozy," Twilight says. "She'd be much easier to control."
"Perhaps. If I feel that she might want to reform, I'll come to you at once."
Until then, she'll endure her torture like the others.
"It's been two hundred years. Surely there's some chance," Twilight replies.
"Maybe," I mutter. "Until next time." I vanish before she can say anything else. I reappear in a place that it painfully familiar to me. A small, peaceful grove. I walk over to the statue at the center: Fluttershy sitting in a field of flowers, smiling serenely, as youthful as I remember her. I sit in front of the statue, replacing some wilting daisies with fresh ones. After that I just sit there. I can't even look into the eyes of her statue.
"I know I should stop it. It's been two hundred years. Even if she's freed, she'll probably be a broken wreck. I know you'd never approve. You'd probably hate me for it, if you were capable of that." I take in a deep, shaky breath. It's yet another weak excuse. "I want to pretend that it's all their fault. But it's not. It's mine. I gathered them. I led them every step of the way. But I thought..." I shake my head. "But they hurt you. It was a miracle that you weren't killed. Maybe I should be enduring it, too. What they're going through isn't justice at this point. It's revenge. After everything, I was just so angry..."
She doesn't say anything. She's a good listener. I wish she could respond. What I'd give to hear her voice again.
"It's you, isn't it?" I say after a long pause. "I feel that comforting presence around her. You would never treat her the way I make everypony around her treat her. Is it the memory of you manifesting in my chaos magic, or are you somehow up there overriding it? Either way, I shouldn't fight it, should I?"
The statue doesn't respond, but I can almost hear it. I remember when she forgave me for everything that I did. The manipulation, the brainwashing, turning everypony against each other, when I pretended to be Grogar... all of it. I wish she hadn't. Her forgiveness for pretending to be Grogar hurt far more than if she'd hated me forever.
"I should tell Twilight and free them. Once Cozy gets out she'll tell of her experiences. I can only begin to imagine how Twilight will feel. She may never forgive me." I sigh and place my claw on the statue's back. "But it's the right thing, isn't it? You forgave her and forgave me. I should follow your example." I tighten my jaw and narrow my eyes. "But she doesn't deserve it. None of them do." I relax my jaw and droop my shoulder. "And neither did I."
I want her to say something to me. Maybe she'd say something that would give me a bit more resolve to do the right thing.
But now I have to be content with a stone version that will never age and never respond.
So I lay there, listening to the nightly noise.