Listen and understand. The Grimace Shake is out there. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.
... or until you try it and see how it tastes. One of those two.
Twilight Sparkle looked at the dome-capped cylinder. "Well," she began, careful about how her next words would be construed, "... it's purple. Like me. So it has that going for it, I suppose."
Then she screwed up her face in humourous disgust. "Or does it? Should I want to drink something that physically resembles me? I also wonder why it's called the 'grimace' shake. Is that because it makes you grimace when you taste it?"
There was nopony around to answer her. Only the camera, and the silent audience.
She shrugged, and raised her eyebrows. "Well, here it goes!"
Candle light was agitated by a cold night breeze. Twilight laid in a lavender stained crater on the floor, her surroundings littered by crumpled papers and books fallen from their shelves. She emitted no sound. Only the cylinder had survived, surrounded by salt circles and runes in chalk. It was empty.
Applejack sniffed the purple milkshake. "Is it s'posed to smell like that?" she asked. "And… look like that? I don't reckon I ever knew a cow who could make purple milk. Unless there's some kinda berries or flowers in it that make it like that…"
She took off her hat, and wiped some sweat from her forehead, before making another appraisal of the perspiring cup.
"Wouldn't be the worst thing in this heat, I guess. I oughta get to it before it melts on me."
She took the straw, and sipped.
The barn door creaked open. A plough sat amongst the piles of straw; a set of orange hooves stuck out from under it, like that of a squashed insect. Purple liquid dripped from the edges of the shake-smeared ploughshare. Resting on one of the plough's handles was the plastic cup, now empty, wearing Applejack's straw hat with subdued pride.
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Yeah, whatever. It's purple. So what? Do I gotta taste-test every colourful food every pony thinks of?" She made an accusatory gesture towards the camera. "That's colourist, you know, or something like that. Very problematic!"
She took a closer look at the strange runes printed onto the cup.
"Huh. Does it come in any other colours, or just purple? I've seen rainbow-coloured cocktails. Yes, I've had them, too. Of course I did! Rainbows are awesome! It's not problematic if I say it… I think."
The pegasus sighed. "Fine, I guess I'll try it."
Lightning and thunder under a dire sky shook the frame. A cyan speck stood out in the distance. Rainbow Dash sprawled, completely limp, her tongue lolling out to catch drops of the raucous storm. A purple sheen dripped from her feathers, and as she fell from the cloud, an empty cup followed.
Pinkie Pie smiled and posed for the camera. "Hey everypony! I hope you're all excited for a very special occasion… Grimace's Birthday!"
A cloud of confetti burst from off-screen, showering her as she held out her forehooves in congratulations.
"It's so sad that I couldn't meet the birthday pony in person," she said with a frown, "and it's kinda funny that I've never heard of them having a birthday before now, even though they're like… really old! But that shouldn't stop us from celebrating, right?"
She giggled, raised the cup of purple liquid up to her mouth, and winked.
Smoke filled the bakery. Orange light cast harsh, shivering shadows onto the walls, gleaming where the purple trail led. At the trail's end was an empty cup, sagging as it was consumed by open flames. The crackle of fire echoed in the halls, but was drowned out by saccharine sweet laughter.
"Is this non-dairy? I suppose it wouldn't be if it's like a malt. Nothing against cattle, of course, but I do have my preferences. Although it is quite a peculiar colour…"
She was just about to take a sip when Sweetie Belle entered the frame.
"Oh, Sweetie!" Rarity called out, before her sister could escape. "Have you heard of this, ehm, 'grimace shake'? I hear they're all the rage around Equestria right now."
Sweetie Belle cringed - or grimaced. "That was popular days ago, sis."
"Come now, sister," Rarity chided, "just have a sip with me."
Sweetie Belle pumped her hooves down on Rarity's barrel. "Stay with me!" she pleaded. "Rarity!" But Rarity laid still, catatonic, her eyes rolled into the back of her head. When Sweetie Belle tried to give her air, she sputtered. A purple foam spilled from the mare's mouth.
Fluttershy held the cup carefully with both hooves, away from the grasping paws of a white rabbit.
"Sorry, Angel, this isn't meant for animals," she mumbled. It did not deter him.
She looked up from her pet, and subtly shied away from the camera, before gaining the courage to speak. "Um. Hi. I'm… Fluttershy… and apparently I'm supposed to taste this and tell you what I think?"
Fluttershy double-checked the purple milkshake, and spoke under her breath, "I hope this isn't another prank…"
Angel hopped and stomped energetically as she brought the cup to her mouth - all to no effect.
Deep in the forest, the keening call of birds was stifled by a thick canopy. In the underbrush, a large bear grazed on a mass of cream-yellow feathers and pink hair.
Something moved. The bear reacted, to glance at the camera, revealing mirrored predator eyes - and a dripping, purple-stained snout.
Spike began talking like a snake-oil salespony: "Hey, what's up everypony! It's ya boy, Spike, and I'm coming at you again with another Ponyville Local Food Review! This time, we're taking a look at the new item everypony's going crazy for…"
He reached into a paper bag and produced an extra-large cup, heavy with purple ooze.
"That's right, locals! It's the Grimace Shake! This ha-"
Just then, he turned, his eyes half-closed, inhaling for a long moment, before settling to a disappointed frown.
"Sorry. All the pollen, you know? Benefits of living in a small town - the allergens! Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, this went crazy on ClipClop, so I just had to try it for myse-"
He paused again, turned, but tried to power through it.
"Hah-h-h. So I'm just gonnaAH-CHOO!"
Spike sneezed. In a burst of flame, the milkshake disappeared from his claws.
Celestia glanced at the milkshake that had suddenly materialized. It was a good thing she'd caught it with her magic - it was an extra-large.
"Hmm."
She caught a Royal Guard looking, and smirked when he resumed his posture.
"You. Over here, please."
The Guard disengaged from his post and snapped to attention. "Your Majesty."
"Do you know what this is?" she asked.
The Guard looked again. "No, Your Majesty."
She smirked even harder. "Would you like a taste?"
"I… have no opinion, Your Maj-"
She levitated the cup towards him. "Sip."
A victorious cry broke out on the palace courtyard. Hundreds of ex-Royal Guards and Soldiers were there, jeering a chain of broken prisoners from the old reign - headed by Princess Celestia herself.
The ripped standard of the Diarchy was thrown over her. In its place, on the great Canterlot Spire, flew a golden M on a field of purple.
Luna peered at the mysterious drink, illuminated by a shaft of moonlight.
"Such a petty thing," she muttered, "to have given the rebels such power."
Its appearance did not betray any magical properties. It was simply a plastic cup of purple liquid.
"Could it really be this simple? If I drink it, will I have the power to save my sister, my kingdom? Or will it corrupt me as it did others?"
She looked out the tower window, to a crowd of torch-wielding rabble spilling through the gates.
"Well. Couldn't hurt."
A battering ram broke through the reinforced door, revealing Princess Luna face-down over half-written letter. The 'y' from "I'm sorry" stretched to the bottom of the page.
Though dawn, the Moon hung in the sky, occluding the Sun. This eerie eclipse was visible through the tower window, and all in the late Princess' study saw the rising purple corona.
