I've got my lunchbox and I'm armed real well
Apple Bloom sat in the hallway on a chair outside Miss Cheerilee's office at the school. She kicked her hooves back and forth as she heard raised voices from within the office. Her older sister, Applejack and Diamond's mother, Spoiled Rich were shouting at each other. Miss Cheerilee was trying to keep everything civil.
Looking across the hall from where she was sitting, Apple Bloom saw Diamond Tiara sitting in a chair refusing to look at her. The pink filly's signature tiara was bent and sat lopsided atop her thoroughly mussed-up light purple and white streaked mane. Her right eye was partially swollen shut and surrounded by a purplish-black bruise, a crust of dried blood lingered at the left corner of her mouth and around her left nostril.
Apple Bloom looked down at her forehooves, there were small chips on the edges of them and smallbruises were on her frogs. There was a small red mark on her right fetlock from her lunchbox handle. She could still feel the grit of the sand under her fur.
The youngest Apple sibling allowed her thoughts to drift back to the events earlier that day.
"Apple Bloom! You up?", Applejack shouted from downstairs.
Apple Bloom didn't answer, she just laid in bed and did her best to look sick. She heard hoofsteps coming up the stairs of the farmhouse and stopped outside her bedroom door. The door handle turned and the door opened with the squeaking of hinges..
"Apple Bloom, git yerself up, brush yer teeth, mane, tail an' fur. Yer gonna be late for school."
Apple Bloom gave a couple of fake coughs and said in the best fake sick voice she could muster, "Ah caint, Applejack. Ah think Ah caught the whoopin' croup."
Applejack raised an eyebrow. The "whoopin' croup" was what Granny Smith used as an excuse for the coughing fits she had when taking one-too-many puffs off of her corncob pipe that was stuffed wit that stink weed when she thought nopony was watching. "Th' whoopin' croup ya say? Ya wouldn't be lyin' ta me,now would ya?"
Apple Bloom did her best to shake her head weakly.
Applejack walked over to Apple Bloom's bed. "Well now, that sounds kinda serious. Ah think Ah know th' cure for that." She grasped the corner of the blanket and snatched it off of her sister. "Th' whoopin' croup is th' excuse Granny uses when she gets a coughin' fit after a'puffin' on her pipe that th' doc told her not ta do no more. Git yer tail outa bed and get ready fer school!"
Apple Bloom sat up and crossed her forelegs over her chest with a harrumph. "An' what if Ah ain't goin' today?"
Applejack sat on the bed next to her sister. "Has Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon been hasslin' you an' yer friends?"
"Mhm."
"Has she lain a hoof on ya?"
"Uh-uh."
"What have Ah always tol' ya when bullies are a'hasslin' ya an' a'callin' ya dirty names?"
Apple Bloom gave a half-snort and muttered, "To jus' let 'em say those dirty names, 'cause stick an' stones may break my bones, but names caint never touch me."
Applejack wrapped a foreleg around her little sister's shoulder and pulled her in a half-hug. "That's right! An' what else have Ah told ya when it comes ta bullies?"
"Do go pickin' no fights as you bring yourself down to their level, an' if ya hafta fight, dun throw th' first lick.", Apple Bloom half-muttered.
"Eeyup!", Applejack said proudly. "Now go on an' git ready fer school. Ya dun wanna be late."
Applejack walked her sister to the edge of town and stopped when she saw Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. "Alright now, you go an' catch up with yer friends. Ah'll be workin' th' stand today so Ah'll pick ya up after school. An' remember, don't pay Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon no mind. Jus' ignore 'em, or that means they win."
Once the Cutie Mark Crusaders had made their way to the school yard where the other foals were playing on the swing set, carousel, slide or in the sandbox, they heard a familiar snooty voice from their right.
"Well if it isn't the Crybaby Crusaders."
Apple Bloom pressed a hoof onto the bridge of her snout, right between her eyes. "I swear to Celestia, no today Diamond Tiara.", she growled under breath.
"That's not very nice, Diamond!", Sweetie Belle exclaimed.
"What are you going to do Squeaky Belle? Cast a spell on me with the magic you can't use? Or go and tattle to Miss Cheerilee again?", Diamond Tiara snarked as Silver Spoon giggled into her hoof.
"I'm not squeaky! I'm not! I'm not! I'm not! I'm not-not-not!", Sweetie Belle shouted, her voice getting squeakier with each consonant.
"Hey! Leave her alone!", Scootaloo snarled, stepping in front of the white unicorn filly and flaring her stunty wings in anger.
"Or what Chicken-loo? Are you going to fly over here and beat me up."
"I'm not a chicken!", Scootaloo snarled dangerously.
Diamond Tiara gave a nasty smirk. "Really now. So what do you call something with wings that can't fly?"
"An ostrich.", Apple Bloom retorted.
Diamond Tiara tried to think of a witty comeback, but couldn't think of anything.
"She got you there, DT." Silver Spoon said.
Diamond Tiara snapped her head around to glare at Silver Spoon, who in turn ducked her head down and laid her ears flat.
Right about that time Cheerilee stepped out of the front door of the schoolhouse with a bell gripped between her teeth and began ringing it to signal the start of the school day.
Diamond Tiara looked Apple Bloom in the eye."Whatever. I'll deal with you later Apple...uh...Doofus! Come along Silvy." She stuck her snout up in the air with a derisive snort and a harrumph, turned with an overly-dramatic flourish and trotted off to the schoolhouse with Silver Spoon hot on her heels.
In the classroom, the foals had gathered at their assigned cubbyholes to hang their saddlebags on the hook and placed their sacks, lunchboxes and other containers that held their lunches on the shelf provided. Apple Bloom hung her saddlebags on the hook and placed her plain metal lunchbox on the shelf in her assigned cubbyhole.
"Look at Apple Doofus' piece of junk lunchbox.", Diamond Tiara taunted, "What's the matter, your family too poor to buy a real lunchbox." After hanging her expensive looking saddlebags on the hook in her cubbyhole, she placed her lunchbox on the shelf, it looked like Rarity's shop had vomited on it.
"Dun let her get to me or it means she wins. Dun let her get to me or it means she wins.", Apple Bloom whispered to herself over and over. She just wanted the spoiled, prissy, pink pony to shut up, today was not the day to push her buttons.
Cheerilee cleared her throat and the students all scrambled to their desks.
All throughout the day Diamond Tiara had done everything she could to tap dance on Apple Bloom's last nerve. Though she did her best to not show it and give the spoiled earth pony the satisfaction, the youngest Apple sibling was about a hair's breadth away from throwing hooves at the spoiled brat.
Finally it was the last subject before class let out for lunch break and recess, mathematics. Something the pale yellow earth pony filly excelled at, she had even helped a few of her classmates after school with it.
Apple Bloom was hunched over her desk, a pencil held in her teeth as she wrote out and solved the long division problems.
*p-too* *splat*
Apple Bloom felt something smack into the back of her head and stuck there. Reaching up to scrape it off, she looked down at her hoof and saw a spit wad. Turning her head to look back over her withers, she glared at Diamond Tiara, who was looking innocently up at the ceiling like it was the the most interesting thing in the world as Silver Spoon snickered into her hoof.
With an angry snort, Apple Bloom turned back to her schoolwork.
*p-too* *splat*
Another spit wad struck her, this time hitting the back of her neck. Turning to look back at the pink filly, who this time was poorly hiding a straw under her foreleg.
"Stop it!", Apple Bloom growled.
Cheerilee raised her head up from grading papers and loudly cleared her throat.
Apple Bloom turned back around in her desk, facing front. Instead of continuing to do the long division, she positioned herself so she could see Diamond Tiara in the reflection of the glass on the terrarium that held the class pet, Turt the Turtle. She watched as the pink filly shoved a piece of paper in her mouth and started chewing it up and rolling it on her tongue into a ball. She waited until she saw Diamond raise the straw to her lips, then turned around to confront her.
*p-too* *splat*
The spit wad hit her straight on the end of her nose.
Bloom was out of her seat in a flash and got up in Diamond's face. "You think that's funny, dontcha!?", she roared.
All eyes in the classroom were on the farm filly and the foals started whispering to each other.
"Apple Bloom!", Cheerilee scolded as she hurried to the angry earth pony filly, "What seems to be the problem here?"
Apple Bloom turned to face Cheerilee, wiped the spit wad from her nose and showed it to the schoolmarm mare. "She keeps shootin' me with spit wads!"
Cheerilee looked at Diamond Tiara, who held up her forehooves, showing she didn't have anything. She had somehow managed to stash or ditch the straw.
"I don't know what she's talking about, Miss Cheerilee. Mother always says that if a pony spends too much time out in the sun, it can make them a little crazy." She swung her hoof around her ear in a circle for emphasis.
"Uh, Diamond Tiara? You dropped your straw.", Snails said as he walked up to the spoiled filly, holding the small red and white spiral-stripped tube in his hoof.
Diamond Tiara, looking like she just got caught with her hoof in the cookie jar, smiled sheepishly as she plucked the straw from Snail's hoof.
Cheerilee held out her hoof and cleared her throat in an over-exaggerated manner.
Diamond dropped the straw into the teacher's hoof.
The schoolmarm pointed to the stool in the corner of the classroom and the pink filly walked over to it, giving the farm pony a derisive snort as she passed by.
Several of the foals oo'd and giggled before Cheerilee tapped a hoof on the floor to silence them.
Feeling the satisfaction of a small victory, Apple Bloom sat back down at her desk and went back to working on the long division.
Soon it was time for lunch break and recess. Apple Bloom secretly prayed to whomever would listen that Miss Cheerilee would have Diamond Tiara cleaning out the erasers or make her stay on the time out stool with her nose in the corner and give her a reprieve for the hour-and-a-half that was the combination lunch and recess.
Fifteen minutes after Apple Bloom was sitting in the grass with Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle to eat lunch, Diamond Tiara came out the door with Cheerilee behind her. Though she couldn't hear what the teacher was saying, it was clear that she was scolding the pink filly.
Diamond Tiara held her head low and folded her ears back, showing she was ashamed.
"I thought you were gonna to bop her one after she pelted you with spit wads.", Scootaloo said right before taking a bite out of her sandwich.
"Ah durn near did.", Apple Bloom said just before munching on the apple that was part of her lunch.
Once Cheerilee was finished scolding Diamond Tiara, she stepped back in the the schoolhouse.
Diamond Tiara dropped the act and started scanning the playground. Spotting Apple Bloom, she started stomping over, Silver Spoon stepped in right behind her. "You think you're hot spit on a summer sidewalk, don't you?"
"Ah have no idea what yer talkin' 'bout.", Apple Bloom said smugly.
Diamond Tiara snorted angrily. Not only did this dirt pony have the gall to get up in her face...IN HER FACE!...she is Diamond Tiara Rich! Daughter of Filthy Rich and Spoiled Rich, a filly of superior breeding and station, she will not be talked to in such a derisive manner by this low-born mud pony! "Why don't you get up in my face now? Miss Cheerilee isn't here to bail you out."
Apple Bloom smirked at the increasingly flustered Diamond Tiara. "Nah, you ain't worth it." She could only smile at the flustered expression on the spoiled filly's face.
Diamond Tiara sputtered and stared incredulously. Was this low-born mud pony talking down to her again? "What did you say?"
"She said you ain't worth it." Scootaloo repeated what her friend said. "Now do us all a favor and go soak your head." She began slapping hooves with her friends. A spray on sand hit her square in the face. She coughed and sputtered as she rubbed her hooves in her eyes, trying to get the irritating particles out.
"How dare you talk to me in such a manner!", Diamond shouted.
Apple Bloom was on her hooves in an instant. She pressed her snout against the rich filly's. "Why dontcha kick sand in my face an' see what Ah don't do?" Her brilliant orange eyes burned like coals as she stared death into the pink filly's eyes.
Silver Spoon began trembling like a bowl of gelatin in an earthquake.
Several of the foals in the schoolyard, seeing what was happening, gathered up to watch. A couple of them started chanting,"Fight! Fight! Fight!", and soon the other foals started joining the chant.
Diamond Tiara found she couldn't move. She had seen Apple Bloom mad before, but never fighting mad and it scared her. The fear made her legs lock in place.
"D-D-D-Diamond...I th-th-think you went too far th-this time.", Silver Spoon stuttered out.
It took a moment, but Diamond Tiara remembered how to make her legs move again and she started backing up slowly.
AppleBloom jerked her head forward to psych out the pink filly.
Diamond lurched backwards, tripped over her hooves and fell, landing on her plot.
The gathered foals oo'd and laughed at Diamond falling flat on her flank.
Bloom snorted at the pink filly. "That's what Ah thought." She turned around to check on Scootaloo.
Diamond Tiara's fear morphed into humiliation, then morphed into anger. Springing to her hooves, she charged Apple Bloom who was turning away from her and leveled her shoulder for a body block.
Apple Bloom sprawled on the ground from the blindside sneak attack.
Diamond Tiara stood there shocked that she actually managed to knock Apple Bloom down. Her shock soon wore off and she gained a boost of confidence. She started posing and showboating to the crowd.
She didn't see what was coming next.
*clonk* *crack*
Diamond Tiara's vision flashed white for a split second when something hit her over the top of the head.
Apple Bloom looped her hoof through the handle on her lunchbox, sprang to her hooves and swung the box made of riveted together sheet metal that her brother had made for her birthday in an overhead arc. The handle broke off with a crack. Her vision had tunneled from her rage. Tossing the handle away, she lunged at the pink pony, spear tackling her to the ground.
Before Diamond's brain could make sense of what had happened, a force slammed into her, and something yellow and hard was slamming into her face. She screamed and cried and flailed ineffectually trying to fend off her attacker.
Apple Bloom screamed nonsensical obscenities as she rained blow-after-blow down on Diamond Tiara's face. "You-razzle-frakkin'-son-of-a-no-good-biscuit-eatin'-seasick-serpent!"
Scootaloo tried to drag her friend off of diamond Tiara, but Apple Bloom easily shrugged her off. Silver Spoon lay on the ground, curled up in a ball, hiding her face as best she could and covering her ears with her forehooves, she had never been a fighter and tended to run or hide when it came to violence. Sweetie Belle bolted past her friends to the schoolhouse. The gathered foals stilled chanted,"Fight! Fight! Fight!"
The fight, which had been going on for less than a minute, ended when Cheerilee pushed her way through the crowd and pried Apple Bloom off of Diamond Tiara.
The door to Miss Cheerilee's office clicked open and Apple Bloom swallowed hard.
"If I had my way, Miss Applejack, I'd have the constables come and haul your ruffian of a sister off, then sue your family and this school for damages,both physical and emotional.", Spoiled Rich said in her overly snooty tone, "The nerve of accusing my sweet little angel of kicking dirt in somepony's face and shoving somepony else down."
"Heh-heh-heh, yeah she's an angel alright, jus' not the kind with halos and harps.", Applejack retorted. "An if'n Ah my way, Ah'd take you an' yer daughter behind th' woodshed and tan both'a yer hides with a hickory switch."
Spoiled Rich scoffed. "Well I never!"
"Well ya have now.", Applejack snapped back.
"Unfortunately according to the EEA coucil and the Ponyville board of education have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to fighting on school grounds. In their eyes both parties are equally at fault. I'm sorry, but both Diamond Tiara and Apple Bloom are to be suspended for a week.", Cheerilee said, her tone very clearly not happy.
Spoiled Rich and Applejack walked out into the hallway.
"Diamond Tiara, we are leaving.", Spoiled Rich said.
"Yes mother."
Spoiled Rich, with her plastic surgery, upturned snout stuck into the air, stomped in a very undignified manner, with Diamond Tiara in tow. Reaching the door, she stopped and gave Applejack a long, hard stare. "Just so you know, you'll be hearing from my husband."
Applejack pushed her stetson up higher on her head. "Ah'm sure Ah will, Spoiled, Ah'm sure Ah will."
Applejack and Apple Bloom were walking down the road to Sweet Apple Acres when the younger sibling spoke up. "Uh, Applejack, am Ah in trouble?"
"Did ya go pickin' a fight?"
"No."
"Did ya throw th' first lick?"
"No."
"Then you ain't in no kind'a trouble. Th' way Ah see it, you were standin' up fer yer friends when Diamond Tiara kicked dirt in Scootaloo's face, an' then when she blindsided ya, you lost yer cool. Shoot sugarcube, Ah'd have done the same in yer horseshoes."
Apple Bloom blew out a relieved sigh.
"Now that dun mean Ah'm happy 'bout you gettin' in a fight, an' Big Mac an' Granny ain't gonna be happy, but they ain't gonna be mad."
"But what Miss Rich said--"
"If'n Mister Filthy comes 'round looking fer trouble, Granny'll put him back on th' straight-n-narrah. Now let's get on home, jus' because you ain't in trouble don't mean ya get ta lounge around all week. You'll be workin' with me-n-Big Mac."
***
The Apple family were sitting around the table eating breakfast when there came a knock at the door.
Big Mac answered the door and was slightly surprised to see Filthy Rich."Top of the mornin', Mister Filthy."
"And a good morning to you, Big Macintosh. Is Missus Annie around?"
Big Mac looked over his withers."Granny? Mister Filthy Rich here to see ya."
"Show him in an'shut th' door, yer lettin' all the flies in!", Granny Smith called back.
Big Mac stepped aside and gestured for Filthy Rich to come in.
Filthy, with Diamond Tiara in tow, walked into the farmhouse and made their way to the kitchen. Stopping, he gave Granny Smith a quick nod and a smile. "Good morning, Missus Annie Smith!"
Granny placed her hooves on the table. "Top of the mornin' to ya, Filthy. Now what can I do ya fer?"
Filthy cleared his throat and gave his daughter a nudge."Diamond?"
Diamond Tiara stepped forward and gave a hard swallow. "F-first off I'd like to apologize to Apple Bloom for antagonizing her and for blindsiding her. That's not how we Rich are supposed to behave. Second off I'd like to apologize to the Apple family for doing something that could have caused serious and undue harm to one of their own. A-a-and to make up for my actions, I offer my services to the Apple family."
"An' what sort of service do ya offer, little missy?", Granny Smith asked.
Filthy spoke up. "For her actions, Diamond Tiara will offer her services to Sweet Apple Acres as a fieldhoof for about a week. Seeing as she's not going to be attending school."
Granny nodded to Filthy."There ain't never been an Apple who would turn down an extra hoof or four to help in th' fields. Yes, Ah'll take her on for th' week she ain't got no schoolin'. Ah'm sure we can find somethin' fer her ta do 'round the parts. Now c'mon an'sit here at th' table young'un. Git you some breakfast an' eat hardy, it's gonna be a long time 'till lunch."