Tired of herself and her friends being bullied by Diamond Tiara, one day Apple Bloom just can't take it any more.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 6th Feb, 2020
- offline last seen 59 minutes ago
sykko
I like violence, heavy metal and talking multicolored ponies
sykko
Joined 6th Feb, 2020 ·
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undue harm
i never understood why being suspended from school was supposed to be a punishment . .
i got to beat up somebody who hurt me and then i get a week of free time to enjoy myself?
bonus!
Nice.
11252422
Thanks for catching the typo. I got it fixed.
I agree with you on how out of school suspension works as a punishment.
Hmmm.
2nd paragraph needs "eye" between right and was swollen.
This story is metal. I especially like the way you ended it, with DT getting the chance to walk in AB's hooves for a week (and learning a lesson from her dad about respect).
11253226
Thanks for pointing out the typo. Fixed.
Also thanks for reading.
Not a bad start. I say keep going with this.
you know, I wouldn't mind seeing a bonus chapter showing what they have diamond doing for the week.
The denouement of this piece is unsatisfying, not in that justice is not done, but because it doesn't bring closure to the victim. The whole story has been told from a point of view looking over Apple Bloom's withers, and then she suddenly goes missing for the good bit. Diamond implies that she's there, but if she is, she doesn't get to talk, acknowledge Diamond's apology, gloat, be the bigger mare, or even just grin a smug grin. We don't know how the protagonist feels, and that leaves a gap. Because of this filly-shaped hole in the text, the story feels unfinished--not like it's a draft, but like it got cut off before the ending.
Great story!
Not bad at all, but you could cut down on the literal representation of accents the next time you might write the Apples. We all know them, a few country-isms are well enough in text to give the prose the necessary flavor.
I also agree with what 11253496 said, a reaction from Apple Bloom in the end would have made for a better ending.
But you know, I enjoyed it, even despite these flaws. A honest, straightforward story, just like its protagonist. Worth an upvote.
11253713
When I look back at my other I do go a bit overboard with the faux-Southernese.
11253496
11253713
It was my intention to leave the story off after Diamond had offering to work at the farm.
Also, thanks for reading and the criticism.
Weirdly the punishment might actually help Diamond alot. She has a week to see how the Apples live and the value of manual labour.
mmmm violence
Well rounded fight. At least Diamond will get a taste of what these "lower ponies" work for.