The Lusty Draconian Maid
Another day, another scavenger hunt for books.
Spike had no reason to complain; it’s not like Twilight was really doing anything new. Ever since he grew out of his toddler phase and was able to read and write, he became Twilight’s number one assistant. Which had its perks; like having read more books than most ponies do in a lifetime. He was also probably smarter than any pony his age, not that he’d actually met any.
Actually, he wasn’t even sure if that was true, either. He couldn’t say how dragon age compared to pony age, he barely even understood how pony age worked at all.
The downsides of being an assistant of somepony being tutored by Celestia, other than all the memorizing he had to do and the chores, would be all the free time. Sometimes mind-numbingly boring amounts of it.
At first, he loved it. So much free time, so many books to read. Until he read them all, more than once.
A lot more than once.
Socializing wasn’t really an option either; Where Twilight goes, he goes. Being a complete shut-in bookworm, Twilight rarely went anywhere. Spike didn’t hate Twilight or anything, she was just unintentionally neglectful at times. Not in a mean-spirited way, more like she genuinely forgot he was there. Which was odd since she had a great memory even when she didn’t use mnemonics, but was forgetful when it came to anything that wasn’t on paper.
On rare occasions that there wasn’t a book Twilight wanted to read for whatever spontaneous subject she sought information on, she would send him to the library to get her one. The first time she did so, he was happy because he thought she was trusting him to be responsible.
Spike caught on pretty quickly that it was more she just didn’t want to leave the tower because she was enthralled in some book. However, he was happy to leave that lonely tower, and more than responsible enough to handle being by himself. Plus, if he didn’t leave the tower to get Twilight food and drinks, she would probably forget to eat and drink something other than coffee.
As he entered the library he had become so accustomed to, he waved at the librarian mare in the center. ‘Friends’ didn’t quite fit what they were, but they were pretty familiar with each other. Acquaintances, maybe? She liked him enough to wave back with a barely noticeable smile, which could easily have just been her being polite.
He decided not to give it any more thought, pulling out the grocery list of books he’d been assigned this time around. In the back of his mind, Spike contemplated his relationship with Twilight for the umpteenth time.
Of course, he loved her like a sibling. She was the only family he had other than Celestia; and Shining, but they’re more like casual bros than family. Twilight and him grew up together. From what he understood, she’s the one who hatched him. Not entirely intentionally, but she did nevertheless.
That didn’t mean she wasn’t a pain in the flank sometimes. Some of the books he’s read told him that’s just how it is between siblings sometimes.
He also partly wished the library would offer comics. He only had one that Twilight gifted him for his birthday, which was probably half his age at this point. If he could get Twilight to agree to just one trip to the comic store, he’d get enough to last weeks.
Unfortunately, he didn’t know where the closest one was since it was farther than he’d been. Which meant he’d have to ask Twilight to take him, and she’d respond by rolling her eyes and saying that he was too old for comics and should read more mature stuff.
Sometimes, Spike really felt like he’d never had time to just be a kid.
“Huh, what’s this?” Spike pondered as he spotted a newer-looking book, catching the word ‘Draconian’ on the title.
Books about dragons were a rarity for some reason. Spike knew dragons and ponies didn’t get along, but is that really why there were so few books about them? Although, that made him curious where Celestia got his egg in the first place. Just not curious enough to ask her about it.
What was even stranger was that it was in the romance section; Twilight always got the latest romance books, saying something like ‘I don’t get it, I have to be missing something. One of these books will do a better job of explaining it, I’m sure.’ as her justification for getting each one. Spike didn’t believe that and was positive she was just really into romance and wouldn’t admit it, but that’s a suspicion he’s only going to bring up to tease her if he’s ever that bored.
Spike had more claws than books he’s found about dragons, having made sure to get every one he came across. A wave of excitement washed over him as he pulled it off the shelf, hoping this one would give him the answers of his heritage he’d always wondered about. Though, a tinge of confusion hung onto the back of his head like a loose thread: Why were the words ‘maid’ and ‘lusty’ in there? He knew what a maid was. He was wrapping his mind around the image of a fearsome dragon dressed in a maid outfit, but his mind couldn’t quite process said thought.
Lusty kind of fit. Spike didn’t see the word often, but in all the context he’d seen it in, it basically meant ‘excited’ or ‘excitable’. A story about an excitable dragon maid, maybe? All these questions only made him more excited to read it.
After hastily gathering the rest of the books Twilight requested this time around, which would last about a week with her blowing through them as fast as he blew through his monthly allowance, he went up to the librarian to check them out. The process went the same as it always did, with the librarian signing off on each one.
Right until she got to the book he grabbed.
“The Lusty Draconian Maid!?”
She didn’t quite yell, her voice much more hushed as she tried to restrain herself in the library. A muffled shriek described it better. What made him particularly worried was the way her face flushed and eyes widened; the reading glasses she wore dropped to the desk she sat behind without breaking somehow.
Spike’s heart beat so fast it was almost painful. He tried not to breathe loud enough for her to hear. She glanced back and forth between him and the book, her other hoof shaking just above it.
“How did this-I can’t let you check this out! You’re a minor!” she paused and furrowed her eyebrows, leaning forward and bringing her voice down to barely above a whisper. “You are a minor, right?”
A dozen thoughts raced through the young drake’s mind, all of them questions on why the book shouldn’t be read by minors. Was there some detailed violence in there? More vivid than some of the books he’s read? Did someone die in a really brutal way? He had to know; It’s been far too long since he’d read a good action book that had actual action and not exaggerated drama.
“Yes?” Spike responded, clearing his throat after his voice ever so slightly cracked. “But it’s not for me, it’s for Twilight. She told me to get the latest romance books, see!”
Spike pulled out the list and stood on the tip of his toes, showing ‘get any new romance books’ in bold and underlined at the bottom of the list. He had made a list of every romance book she’s read after he brought her one she’d already read for the third time, and kept that on his person whenever he got new books for her.
He wasn’t lying either; he planned on bringing it to Twilight. Only after taking a peek first though.
“Can you tell me what’s in there that I can’t read, at least?” Spike asked in the most innocent tone he could muster.
The librarian stuttered on her words as she tried to look anywhere but at Spike.
“N-no, I can’t. It’s not against policy, but I’d rather you not know until you’re older.”
“Oh…ok.” Spike sighed dejectedly as he pouted.
“Well…Twilight is practically a grown mare.” the librarian muttered, tapping her hoof against her chin and frantically darting her eyes back and forth. After some brief, tense silence, she reluctantly exhaled and slid the book across the counter towards him. “Fine, but don’t you dare read even a single word of that. When you bring it back, you bring it to me personally and not back on the shelf, got it? I have no idea how that book even got in here. Somepony’s idea of a prank, I’m sure.”
“Got it. Thanks, you’re the best!”
Spike gave the librarian his biggest smile and placed the book on top of the pile, barely able to restrain his eagerness to read it.
Balancing the pile back to Twilight’s tower was more frustrating this time than it had been before; Mainly because that was the first time he was actually looking forward to getting there. It got to the point where he couldn’t wait anymore. As he got to the tower, he set the pile of books on the bottom step and sat beside it with the book in hand.
“I’ll just read the first chapter so I can get a grasp on it. I gotta know why the librarian didn’t want me to read it.”
So Spike read.
And kept reading.
And was finished with the entire book in minutes.
“What the? It says volume one and two, but only two scenes of act four are in here? The rest of the pages are blank. What happened to the rest?” Spike asked out loud, flipping through the blank pages like they were written in invisible ink and would spring up. “Why’s her name ‘Lifts-Her-Tail’? Is that a normal dragon name? Weird, but some pony names have been weird too, so it’s not that out there.”
He flipped the book back to where there were actual words, as few as there were. Hoping he had missed something, some subtext or something.
“She’s polishing his spear, which is cool, I guess? Why is he just standing there complimenting her? I don’t get it.” his voice trailed off as he turned the page to the next scene. “Now she’s…kneading bread? Why? What happened in between? Also, why is her master just watching her do it again, and keep talking about how there’s plenty of time? I’m starting to get what Twilight means with those romance books about missing something.”
Spike stared at the book like it would talk to him for about five minutes, before eventually giving up. It couldn’t have been more disappointing, the fact that the main character was a dragon didn’t even seem to matter at all!
If nothing else, he’ll find it funny to watch Twilight try to figure it out just like he did. Knowing her, she’ll spend an entire day trying to decode it or something before giving up, eventually.
That probably won’t happen until the day after tomorrow, though. Usually, she liked to read her romance books before bed. She’ll probably be going to sleep early since they’re on break tomorrow, or they’re at least supposed to be on break. He had no way of knowing if Twilight even knew what that meant.
In the meantime, he’ll slip it into Twilight’s romance section. He didn’t want to waste any more time on it, and she’d get to it, eventually. Or she wouldn’t. He felt so disappointed about it he’d rather just forget it existed.
“Lusty? That’s gotta be the most boring book I’ve ever read.”