Worthy To Be A Royal?
Most ponies wish to be famous, to have their names world known. Most ponies can only dream of having their faces plastered all over Equestria, to have themselves be known as somepony amazing, somepony spectacular. It is the dream of every filly and colt, to be a princess or a prince. It is the dream of all to have their name and title preserved and cherished. To have their accomplishments worshiped and memorized. To have everything in life they could ever want.
Well, that was never my goal, never something I strived for. I was a simple pony. One that only had sights on perfection, and anything that stood in front of me was not going to stand for long. I never really had many goals that I strived for, never had a plan in motion for how I was going to live my tomorrow. My sights were short but yet prepared. I watched the day I lived in, I kept myself in check. I knew what to do, I was the mare of the house.
I was simple, normal, nothing special. I had one goal and that was what I set my gears to. That was what I spent my time perfecting. That was the one thing that I strived for. I worked hard to do it. Was I harder on myself than I should have been? Probably. But it has had it ups as well as downs throughout the years.
If I say I was a normal, unprivileged, school pony, then I'd be lying. For one I lived in the most prestegious city's all of Equestria. My mentor was the princess that governs this whole nation. My babysitter was a another - amazing, might I add - princess. And on top of all that, my older brother was climbing his way onto the Royal guard.
So, no, I was no ordinary filly growing up, and I still am not considered as one, - as an ordinary mare, that is - nor will I ever be. But what I mean by normal is that I never had intentions, hopes or dreams of anything out of the ordinary for a filly like me.
My goal in life, as both a filly and as a full-grown mare, was to impress my idol and mentor, Princess Celestia. That was my life growing up. I had never really mixed well with other fillies or colts, and my brother was always occupied by the Royal Guard and his practices to join. As for my parents, to support such a life style, they hadn't o work day in and day out.
So it was normally me and me alone. I spent my time sticking my muzzle in books, novels, dictionaries, encyclopedias or anything else that might provide me with some information about practically any particular topic I was interested in. I spent my time researching and studying. When I wasn't in school, learning and re-learning potions and topics I had already long since known, I would be at home reading and re-reading the same books I had when at school. I always wanted my mentor to notice my efforts, and as a filly I never thought she did. I had always presumed she never cared for me or my knowledge and instead adored my raw abilities. Yes, I did adore her. With no shame, I did. But, that didn't stop me from having my doubts.
And that was the one thing I desired as a filly, and yet when I got it, I was horrified to realize the consequences might destroy my whole life.
The day I realized that these wings might ruin my life was the day of my after party, with all my friends, and even some posh attired unicorns and earth ponies, presumedly from Canterlot itself. I had never met any os said ponies before hoof, and was quite caught off guard by their arrival. But, because of all my friends and the enjoyment I had to start off the party, I dismissed each and every one of them.
I doubt that would have changed much in hindsight, but I do, to this very day, regret having ignored them until far too late.
I was greeting all the guests that had chosen to show up for the occasion. All were fancied up, wearing all sorts of regal attire. Needless to say, I was over the moon delighted at this. It was everything I ever wanted in life simply wrapped up in one big ballroom. I couldn't stop smiling for the entire first half of the night. It meant a lot to me. Everything that day did. From the decorations that Pinkie Pie had set up, to the entertainment Rainbow Dash and the rest of the Wonderbolts were providing, right down to the ponies that made this whole evening possibles. I was grateful, delighted and giddy all in one. At one point, I even remember my cheeks starting to hurt from all the smiling. My friends had mentioned it a few times, namely Pinkie, Dash and Rarity. The night was going amazingly. Everything was spectacular and nothing could have possibly ruined it, right?
Wrong.
It started with these two mares. Not having of whom I had dismissed upon greeting them. When I first met the pair, they seemed sweet, kind and ladylike. They weren't anything special o me, what with me having grown up in a placement where that sort of pony is the expected. Those two mares had come up to me while I was having a drink, simply admiring the breath and magnificence of everything before me. They trotted up, and asked to have a little 'conversation' with me. While I was a bit curious as to who they were, and what exactly they had wanted to talk about, I obliged anyway. To me, there was no harm in doing so.
"Well, Princess Twilight, what are you gonna do with that title of yours?" The mint mare questioned, wearing an unpleasant frown upon her face.
I took a second to ponder the question. I asked myself a few times the same question, but no real answer hit me right away. I hadn't thought about what I was going to so with this title just yet. I hadn't considered the thought as of then.
The mare stood right to the mint pony scoffed, "You don't have a plan, do you?" she spat. "No wonder you have nothing more than a title. Princess Celestia had a plan for you and your friends for years and yet..." She paused to add dramatic effect, "...you don't, a princess without a plan is..."
"...preposterous!" The mint was the one to finish.
"Do you realise how many other ponies were truly worthy for the title 'Princess'?" The other unicorn questioned rhetorically. Rolling her posh emerald eyes, she scoffed in my direction.
I stared at the two, unsure of how to answer them. I was not, and still am not, sure how they could come up to a princess and start speaking in such a manner. To be quite frank, nothing would have come of it, but i had imagined that ponies who were taught and brought up right under the rule of Celestia herself might have a bit of dignity to them. But, apparently, I had been proven wrong. Quite wrong.
"Well, I- I don't have a plan per se, but there's really no reason to fret. Im quite excellent wit plans and quick thinking, and as you should know, that is far more... skilful than knowing what to do and not accomplishing it." I countered. Though I wasn't completely sure if what I had said was completely on point with reality or not, I didn't care at the moment. I had something to counter, and that was all I had needed then.
"Well, good luck with that, Princess. Just remember how many mares deserved to be in your horseshoes more so than you." The mint-coated unicorn stated as the two trotted away, heads high and eyes downcast.
That was the first of many 'chats' I had from there on. Those two mares got gears in my head ticking. I hadn't even realised I was capable thinking such things until then. It was a we up call of sorts, I suppose.
I had just about enough of this by the time the mid part of the ball had begun. That was, frankly, the most tedious and unpleasant part of the ball, even more so than the snobby mares apart of it. It was the part of the slow dance. I am not sure why the princess decided that having a slow dance section would be a good idea.
I let out a sigh as the music slowed down to make way for the song that was about to play. As the music started ponies began paring up with others. The reason this part was much more tedious and troublesome to get through was because of how slow things felt.
There's one thing I might like to do now, but I doubt it would happen. I looked up at Rainbow Dash. The cyan Pegasus was enjoying some beverages with Pinkie and Applejack. They were chatting about something I didn't really have the piece of mind to know. I smiled warmly as I saw her, she makes me happier than any other pony in all of Equestria. She was like my rainbow, she appeared in the sky when I least expected it, and filled with so much cheer. When I first met her, I found her irritating, obnoxious and out right unbearable, but the more we talked and spent time together, I managed to see a little past her façade of bravery. Deep down, she is as sweet and as soft and even as sensitive as Fluttershy is. She just puts up a brave face for others and honestly that is really sweet of her.
She knows when to let her guard down and to whom. She did it with Scootaloo and has done it with a few of us before, mainly Fluttershy if I'm being truthful.
The thing I want to do but am sure won't get to do is share a dance with her. Yes, I do have feelings for her, but I am quite sure she won't feel the same way. I mean, I'm an egghead according to her and she is an Athletic tomcolt. There's almost nothing about me she might like. I'm actually quite sure is attracted to mares not colts, so I have some type of chance.
She came out with news a little back, before the hearts warming play, all the way back when. She said she found this out as a filly and it had gotten her a lot of bullying back then from other colts and fillies there. She wanted to keep it hidden around here so the same thing won't happen. Though after some assurance from Fluttershy - who knew this because, when she was discovered to be as, Pagasi call it, a filly-fooler, the timid pegasus was around - Dash came out as a 'filly-fooler'. I loved it when she did that. It meant to me, that she could trust us more than any other pony...
...So the point of that was to say that I have a chance with her, a minuscule chance, but I have one.
More and more ponies came up to me to either praise me sarcastically or insult me plainly. I had been growing impatient with these ponies, and some of them even got to me. I was beginning to doubt weather I was truly worthy of my wings. I was beginning to question the choice my princess had gone with. I was beginning to wander about my status as Equestrian's newest princess.
"Am I worthy to be a Royal?"
I pondered on that one phrase all night. It stuck like glue on a piece of paper. It wasn't the most enthusiastic night I've ever had. I had hoped that being around my friends would cheer me up, but no. Having to fake my smile was not easy and it brought a lot of stress and anxiety. They couldn't know about my thoughts and feelings, it would ruin their whole night, and I have heard how much they were looking forward for a night like this. I won't be the one to spoil this night, it meant too much to them, especially Rarity.
She had made the outfits, and was quite proud of them. She had a smile of pure glee as she saw us wearing them, and the looks on our faces as we did so. She had ranted on and on about how proud she was to be able to make dresses for us at a night like this.
|----|
"Why, I'm so thrilled to be making your dresses for this fantastic occasion! This is gonna be so much fun! Especially, seeing my dearest friends wear my cloths to this thing!"
She had spoken with so much enthusiasm that it made me feel so guilty at the mere thought of ruining the night. She seemed to mention it every second she could! None of us told her off, either. We were in our worlds, either that or we just couldn't bring ourselves to.
|----|
As for Pinkie, she was happy to be anywhere, at any time, so this whole was a blast for her! Seeing her frown though, that would make my heart break into a million pieces. Her smile was one to admire and it beamed brighter than any other I had ever seen. Her frown, on the other hoof, is a whole different story. The emotions conveyed and shown from her frown could make any around her burst into tears. I am not willing to do that to her.
|----|
"Ooooh! I can't wait to get those delicious cupcakes they have there! I heard that they got a new chef and she's REALLY good at her job! I'm so excited to get there!"
Pinkie had ranted on our trip here. She had a smile brighter than any I've seen on her in a while, which is saying a lot, considering who I'm talking about.
|----|
Applejack and Fluttershy weren't the most enthused about this thing, but after some pestering from Rarity even they seemed to smile and enjoy the night. Fluttershy had asked Rarity to go with her to this event, a day prior, and they had made it a date, so I am not going to ruin that for them.
|----|
"Would you... um... want to go to... the... um... party with me? Like a uhh... date"
The look of pure thrill and joy on Rarity's face as Shy had uttered those words was priceless, in a Hearths Warming kind of way. Rarity hugged the Pegasus, unwilling to let her go. Me and the other girls, were hidden in a bush to see what would happen, and I have to say, it was definitely worth calling off some of the preparations for the party to see them so happy.
|----|
Frankly Applejack was the least trilled, she did have fun, I assume but I am not to sure. She had a chance to sell some of her goods, to make money, so I don't think she's that unhappy here. She seemed to be thrilled at the idea of Rarity and Shy going out. She was in fact one of the girls who hyped Shy up to go and confess, along with Pinkie and Dash.
|----|
"Hoo wee! Ah've earned more money 'ere than Ah have this entire month, back at Sweet Apple Acres! I definitely am enjoyin' this thin' after all, Twi!"
She had gushed about the money when I asked her about her time here. I had assumed she didn't like it as much as the others, but no. She seemed just as enthused. Her hat was nowhere to be seen, she claimed it was back in the carriage we came in, but I think she just didn't want to distract from the outfit Rarity had made.
|----|
Even Rainbow was quite excited, she had an opportunity to fly with the WonderBolts that night. She had said something about, some flier, Blaze Scout, being ill and couldn't perform. Though she was worried about her comrade, she was more thrilled to be able to fly in her pace. I saw the look she had when speaking off them and the flight that was to come. She looked happier than I'd seen her in a while and I was pleased she was having fun. I could never live with myself if I told her how I felt. She'd be crushed. She'd be devastated, and wouldn't look me in the eye the same ever again. I cannot live knowing I had done that to her, not a chance.
I couldn't if I did that to any of the other girls, too.
|----|
"Can you believe it! Blaze Scout couldn't perform and they chose ME to fly in her place! I can't believe it! I knew I'd get to fly with them soon but not this soon! Aaah! I can't wait for that flight! It's gonna be AWESOME!"
She had informed us about it, almost five times, and counting, but she still had to. I guess that shows how enthused she was this flight! None of us had the heart to tell her that the flight was at the last, and to make her stop either. We were gushing about things ourselves, so making her stop didn't seem fair.
|---|
My friends had asked me on a few occasions if I was alright, mainly Dash or Pinkie, those two were the only few among us who could pick up when others are down.
"Twi, y'know... if anything is bothering you, we're always here to talk, right?"
Dash asked with a look of worry plastered on her face. Pinkie looked at me the same, her baby's blue eyes piercing my soul as she stared into my violet ones.
"Of course I do, Dash! I'm fine girls, I really am!"
I assured them with a fake smile on my face. Both narrowed their eyes at me before Pinkie bounced.
"Well, Twilight will tell if anything is wrong, Dashie. So, let's leave her to her princess duties"
Pinkie prompted the Pegasus away and joined Applejack at the buffet table. Dash nodded at me before drifting away with the party planner.
They couldn't know that I had lied to them, they just couldn't.
I nearly burst into tears as the last few mares walked up to me. They had made a comment that stuck;
"You don't deserve that crown"
That was what she said last before trotting off, head high and walk, as usual, posh. She had gotten me to think further about this whole, being worthy thing.
Did this crown really have no meaning? Did it sit upon my head to bring unneeded desires and expectations? Did it sit up there, only to make others around me feel undeserved? Did it sit up there to show others how unworthy I am? Am I not worthy for the crown upon my head?
I had no answer to any of my ever-growing self-doubts. I wanted some answer! I wanted someone, I trusted, to tell me, whether these things were true or not. Whether I'm over-exaggerating. Whether I truly am worthy of this crown. I wanted someone to tell me the truth. I wanted it so bad. I craved it. I needed it. I needed answers. And yet that was one thing I did not have any privilege in getting. I had no way of searching for them without getting worried and upset looks back. I thought the answer was simple...
"No, you're not worthy"
But deep down, I wanted someone to tell me, I was. Someone to comfort me. Something to comfort me. I wanted assurance that I was worthy. That I did deserve the crown. But there were voices telling over and over that I wasn't.
That I wasn't a Worthy Royal.
-=-
After the 'wonderful' night had come to an unsatisfying conclusion, I had asked for some space to digest everything and had wandered far off into the Canter-lot Gardens. I was both cheerful from the recent thrill of the party and saddened by the harsh words spoken at the same occasion.
I had a found a nice, peaceful area of the garden to relax and catch myself.
The area was one I had never seen before.
The pond in the middle glistened brightly as the moonlight stroked it's wavy surface. The tiny lily pads drifting on top, swayed from left to right, making no attempt at leaving. The tiny pebbles, stones and little mushroom placed around the pond made it shine further, they were placed as though they were mere decorations. The wines hanging from the tall, leafy wall, was drooping into the water ever so slightly. It waved along with the cool breeze that occasionally passed the little meadow.
Beside the pond sat a wooden log, placed especially for sitting and relaxing, two things that sounded amazing to me at the time.
Along with its gorgeous sights, came its overwhelming peace and serenity. I felt at ease with the warmth this place provided. I felt at home, almost.
I took in the beauty of the grove and silently hovered to the log and placed my flank softly on its rough yet comforting surface.
My eyes slowly drifted down to the pond, where I saw a violet unicorn with disappointing eyes and a dull crown bestowed upon her head, look back at me. The unicorn seemed lost and uncertain of everything around her. The unicorn... was me. I smiled ever so slightly making my reflection copy my actions. My smile withered quite quickly as I grasp back onto reality.
I, reluctantly, take my eyes off of the water and onto my wings, the cause of all my hurt that night. I stared at them.
They had no purpose but to bring an unstable and unworthy title upon me. I had no clue why I had been chosen to bare this burden. I was a lowly unicorn from very humble roots, made to be a princess,
"Why?"
I said out loud, my voice low and warn out from the long night.
"Why couldn't it be some-pony else?"
I ask again. I look around, hoping to get an answer. Instead, I get the piercing silence that I thought would bring me so much comfort.
No reply.
I let out a sigh, what was one to say to that? It was a question I couldn't answer, and I was the pony known to have all the answers anyone would ever need, and want.
"Why me?"
I whisper. My eyes fell back on my reflection.
The crown.
It brought me both, so much joy and so much tension. I, using my wings, removed the crown and placed it peacefully on the floor, making the grass trickle its golden frame. It was something I wish that hadn't happened, and yet was so proud to have. It carried memories of all the battles, fights and accomplishments my friends and I did together. It also holds all the memories and comments I got this evening.
"Why give an unworthy pony like me a title so big?"
I ask to no particular pony,
"I mean it's supposed to be given to ponies, who have done great things... so why give it to me?"
I ask again, as a small tear stroked my cheeks on its way down from my eyes. Why give me this title? Weren't there ponies out there who deserved this sort of title? Why me? I don't understand why Princess Celestial chose me to be a princess. I wanted her to acknowledge my work and passion not to give me an undeserved title and position. Why did she think I was going to do good in this? I really don't. Thinking back to when she first made me her personal student, I had not done anything extraordinary, right? I mean, whatever it was that I did, I can't do now. I can't rule anypony. I can't cast spells anywhere near as powerful or as useful as any of the other princess. I'm just a princess that is undeserved of the title.
"Why me?"
Another watery tear trickled down my cheek as it streamed down. The wind blew ever so softly, caressing my ears gently. The wind seemed to have no melody to them, just the empty feel of nothing. Similar to me. I felt my bangs get pulled up by the wind oh so gently. It was warm, to say the most. Not comforting in the slightest as I had hoped it would be. I felt another tear wash done my cheek. And another. And another. They kept flowing until I had a stream flowing down my face. I had merely flinched at the sight when I had caught a glimpse of it. It seemed quite fitting how the newest princess was crying after such a beautiful event. It felt fitting that I was crying like this.
The aforementioned question came back to my mind, it pierced my thoughts, like a needle doing with thread. It waved across my mind, filling my head completely. Erasing any earlier sense of pride, I may have had.
I let out a sigh, this was not how I planned the night to go. I wanted to smile, to laugh, to enjoy the night, but instead I'm mourning!
"WHY ME!"
I let out a shriek. It was full of pent-up anger and resentment. I hated that I was a princess! I hated that I had a title! I hated those ponies for bringing it up! I hated my wings! I hated my crown! I hated all of it!
"Why me?"
I ask In a lower voice and calmer attitude.
"Because you deserve it..."
"...."
A voice I didn't think I would hear answered the rhetorical question I had placed on the metaphorical table. I look up to see the bright, magenta eyes of one of my closets and dearest companions. She had a sweet and caring smile stretched ever so slightly upon her soft, cyan face. A little bit of her multicolored mane was drooping in front of her left eye, preventing me from seeing it.
I look up at her, a confused and tensed look, which was all but gone by the time my eyes landed in the pool of magenta that made up her eyes. She trotted forward and sat down beside me, all the while keeping our gazes together.
I had not noticed then, but she had her hooves on the ground, which normally means she was getting really serious about something.
She slowly but surely wrapped one of her warm, comforting cyan wings around my back, bringing me the comfort I had desired ever so much. She didn't open her mouth the whole time she sat there. Her eyes conveyed enough for me to forget the night that had ensued just half an hour or so ago. All my worries, of being crowned, of being titled, and most of all, of being a princess all but disappeared as I stared intently in her eyes. It had this look, I couldn't place what it was, it spoke to me on a personal level. It brought feelings, feelings of despair, hatred, anger, sadness, I have hiding deep inside, out and just evaporated them into a speck of nothing.
No words were thrown nor spoken, nothing needed to be said, it was just that perfect.
Staring into her bright, ruby eyes, I noticed, for the very first time a look I had never seen used before, by her. The look of pure and utter,
Love.
"Twilight"
Came a soft and gentle voice,
"You have done things amazing, spectacular... awesome..."
There it was, her key word, the word that described, Rainbow Dash to a tea
"...you created new magic, you've saved Equestria many times, you've stopped an Ursa Major, you've led a group of ponies with almost no experience working with each other, to many dangerous and, in my opinion awesome, adventures, and come out on top, and heck you even brought us, all six of us, Pinkie, Flutters, AJ, Rarity, me and you, all together"
She stated mater-a-factly. I cocked my head, Had I really done so much? I thought to myself.
"... oh and you've caught a certain Pegasus's heart"
"...."
She looked away almost nervous at what she said,
"D-do y-you me-mean y-you?"
I stutter, she gave me a fake chuckle and replied,
"Yeah, I know it’s out of the blue but... I thought it would help, knowing that you've mattered a lot, to many ponies, y'know... and if you don't feel the same way, don't worry, I am the bravest pony around I can deal with it"
She smiled genuinely, and proudly, she did have the look of pure love in her eyes, and the confession was sudden and unexpected but...
"Thank You!"
I state as I wrapped my hooves around her neck, bringing her into my embrace. She blushed slightly before hugging me back. We stayed like that, in each other's embrace, for a while. I was honestly, too excited and pleased to let go. She, my long-time crush, just confessed, to make me feel better! She managed it by just looking at me! What more could I ask for? She was perfect in every way I can in every I can think off!
"So, what do you say? Would you like to be my marefriend?"
She asked me a little awkwardly, but proudly. I smiled warmly at her, giving the answer I couldn't bring to more words than...
"Yes!"
She gave an overjoyed look as a response and not to mention our very first, face to face, muzzle to muzzle, lip to lip
Connection.
We kissed!
It was full of passion, devotion, love, care and everything I wanted that very moment. She seemed invested, and true. It felt... enlightening. I had never seen Rainbow Dash so... sappy, as she would put it. And... and I think I like it.
The kiss didn't last long but it lasted just the right amount of time for both of us to be satisfied.
I nuzzled my head under her chin warmly and she stroked my mane, calming my nerves even more. We stayed like that, staring up at the starry sky, remembering everything we've been through and everything that led up to that moment.
It was my heaven... correction
'She' is my heaven.
As sappy and cheesy as it may be.
That day truly was one to remember,
What started out as a day for me and the girls to have some fun times, turned out to be a living nightmare, then somehow like a rollercoaster, it turned into one of the happiest days ever!
That night was amazing, and I loved it, sure it started not-so-fun-like but it ended happily. Like a true princess's story.
"Now remember Twi, you'll be a great Royal, no matter what happens, you'll face it head on and strong, and you'll have us to support you every step of the way, no doubts, you hear me, none. You are Princess Twilight Sparkle, and you choose whether you're worthy of that title or not!"
She smiled warmly, as she brought me into a comforting and warm hug.
Yes, I am! I am Princess Twilight Sparkle and no pony can tell me otherwise, none! I decide what I do with this title not some pony else, not the princess not even my friends, no! I decide my destiny!
I look down at the crown placed in front of us. I watched as the grass wave a little with the wind. I watched as the moonlight hit it's shiny gold frame, making it glow. The star in the middle, my mark, was brighter than ever! It seemed to beam when I smiled at it.
I move away from Dash and pick the crown up with my wings - my source of Princess-hood - and place it comfortably on my head.
I smile at the reflection I saw in the river.
This time instead of seeing a unicorn trying her hardest to be what the slandered call an Alicorn, I saw a proud and determined Princess looking back at me with proud eyes. And that princess is...
Princess Twilight Sparkle! The defeater of the Ursa Major! A savior of the land I cherish! The Element of Magic!
"Yes, Dash, I am Worthy To Be A Royal"