Autumn’s dilemma
“Aaaargh, work with me words!” shouted an irate kirin. Flames licked the edges of her muzzle and began to form on her horn. Her eyes blazed in fury. It felt right. It felt justified. How dare the words make her feel stupid. She would show them. The flame would consume all that turned against her. She was a volcano. She was solar. She was ... in a wooden hotel room in Ponyville. She grabbed the offending papers, satchel and ran outside before the hotel burned to the ground.
The outside air was cool and calming but Autumn Blaze didn’t feel it. The fire burned with a seething hot tulmet that only rage could cause. The other ponies around her scattered. A few watched in wonder. It was only seconds but the fire burned blue. It felt so good. But then shame quenched it’s fury. She looked around embarrassed that she let this get to her. She glanced at the source of her rage but the blackened ash in hoof didn’t hold the words anymore. A puff of dust greeted her as her flanks hit the dirt.
Autumn had never had this issue before. The words always came. Always. They would run out of her like a stream of creativity. She wrote poems, plays, stories and songs. They came as naturally as breathing. But when she needed them, they left her. Well not so much left as not listening to her need. They were coming out all wrong. She felt like some backcountry bumpkin writing them.
The moon shone down on the lost kirin. The bright light illuminated her sad face. Her muse was there. Right there but she couldn’t bring it close. It had shown her the most beautiful image. It had hugged that radiant pegasus in its light-made arms and filled it with the warm glow of beauty. Autumn had never seen anything like it before. The way the little pony had danced in the moonlight.
Why Mrs Moon? Why show me something like that and not let me express it? Why take my words and breath away in that moment that I needed them most?
The Kirin had met the mare at the train station. Autumn showed up in Ponyville hoping to meet her friends Fluttershy and Applejack. But they were out on some mission and she was met by a little grey pegasus waving a flag. The pegasus was overjoyed to be found. She spent the day with her, laughing at her jokes, eating her muffins and enjoying that wondrous moonlight. Sure the mare was klutzy and seemed confused a lot. But then why would Autumn worry about something silly like that?
She could tell the others didn’t appreciate the mail mare. They looked at her with pity and annoyance. She was on the outside of society. Just as Autumn had been.
She wanted to convey that. To show that. She was the Derpy of her village and the pegasus was the Autumn of Ponyville. They were connected. Why couldn’t she just say that? Why had the words that poured out failed her? She looked at the moon again for answers but the moon just bathed the landscape in its soft blue glow.
The kirin in the street stood up and looked around. The town had settled down from her outburst and returned to their routine. Autumn found her saddle bag on the ground. She took it off before she burst into flame. It had all the paper and quills she needed to write. Perhaps being outside under that same moon would help. She found a tree to sit under and pulled her tools once again.
The haiku, poem, and play that she wrote in a feeble attempt to convey her feelings were passed over for a clean sheet of paper. She looked at the moon again. It hovered there on its gravitational tether. It reflected all the images of the little pegasus dancing in the moonlight. That carefree attitude. That general love she had just being in the sky. That sweet smile she wore when things didn’t work out. Each memory filled the kirin with a little giddiness. Then a sweet melody reached her ear. It sounded as though the moon itself was humming to her.
“A song!” she said to the moon out loud. “That will work!”
The kirin looked at the blank page but she knew how to begin. She thought of that smile, the moon, the freely given fun. All of it she wrote down with that tune in her head. Then she checked her work. It was a jumbled mess. The song she hummed was a light tune, what she wrote had too much weight. She needed to trim it down. It needed to be understood by a more simple pony.
The quill scratched across the page again. This time it stopped at the third word, mid script. The line was supposed to say, “I love your smile.” But all she saw on the page was “I love you.” It froze her instantly.
I love you?! She’ll think I am in love with her. How can a kirin fall in love in a day? I just met her. But did I? Did I fall in love with her? I mean, I don’t know her that well. What I do know I like. But is that enough? What is love based on? Actions? Words? Personality?
The kirin just stared dumbly at the line. The quill stayed in place but her hoof started to quiver. The ink began to run down the paper but Autumn couldn’t write any further.
“What are you writing?” asked the moon.
“It’s a song, at least it was supposed to be, for my friend Derpy,” she answered without wondering why the moon would be curious.
“For me?” the moon asked again in surprise.
“No for ..”the kirin looked at the moon but it wasn’t there. It had risen past where the voice was coming from. Autumn allowed a small bit of frustration to seep into her horn and it ignited. The fire lit the underside of the tree easily exposing the little grey pegasus in it. Derpy smiled that uneasy smile she had when things didn’t go right. Autumn snorted in amusement.
“How long have you been up there?” she asked the Derpy rump that was pointed at her.
“Umm I don’t know. It depends on what time it is,” the ensnared pegasus replied. “I got caught in this tree after I tried to fly away from walking you home. It was so snuggly I decided to stay.”
“You're stuck aren’t you?” giggled Autumn at that flank.
“Maybe..” Derpy answered sadly. “Yeah..” From what Autumn could see Derpy’s face pulled up in a pout. Then her face, rump and entire body began to glow in a soft blue, the color of soft moonlight.
The kirin’s magic gently dislodged the stuck mare and floated her down. She snickered as the clumsy pegasus immediately sprawled out on the ground. She helped Derpy to her hooves.
“Thanks,” Derpy said with a bright smile that Autumn lost herself in. “Now I can read that song you wrote for me.”
Before the kirin could interject the excited mare scrambled to the parchment near the tree. Autumn’s hooves weren’t fast enough and her magic sputtered instead of glowed. She knew why. Some part of her didn’t want to hold the little pony. She wanted to see what reaction those three words brought.
Derpy wasted no time in snatching up the prize. She held it up and carefully inspected it. Her eyes started to swim away from each other but she stubbornly shook them right. She squinted at the small print and sounded out with her mouth the three simple words. She looked at the paper in confusion. Then turned it around and sounded the words out again. It didn’t have the same meaning upside down. She looked on the back then the front again, searching for clues or answers.
Autumn watched and bit her lower lip. Her legs felt like jelly. Her tongue was like sandpaper. She didn’t know what to say. The paper had said it for her. She stepped back a bit, oddly self conscious. She had never done this so fast. Her heart raced. Her breath quickened. She could feel the edges of her eyes beginning to burn. Mostly from embarrassment not anger.
“I uh don’t understand,” the mare finally said. “I don’t see any music. Just these three words. I love you.. not much of a song is it? Can you sing it for me so I know what it sounds like.”
“Huh?” Autumn was flabbergasted. The mare just read her true feelings and didn’t understand them. Forget reaching her with a song, she had spelled it out for her and she still didn’t understand. She could feel her fire burning brighter. “What do you mean you don’t understand? It’s clearly written there.”
“Well it’s supposed to be sung right? Maybe if you sing it.”
The flames over took her body and she started to shout. “It’s not done yet. I was trying to express my feelings for you. It was supposed to be a whole song about how pretty you are and how great you made me feel.”
“Oh, it doesn’t say any of that here.”
“I know. I got stuck. I didn’t really know that I loved you until I wrote it,” flames encased her words with a billow of smoke.
“So you need help? I can help you write it,” Derpy said enthusiastically. “I’m great at coming up with tunes. Listen to this one. I came up with it in the tree.” She immediately began to hum the very tune Autumn had heard.
“I I don’t see why you don’t understand what this means,” the kirin’s rage was fully engaged. She wondered if this mare was mocking her. Perhaps she really didn’t understand. How could she get through to her?
“Umm,” Derpy said, her face fully warped in confusion.
The fire died down as Autumn saw the true and earnest attempts to figure it out scroll through the mare’s expressions. Derpy was nothing if not truly herself. Even if that meant she did not fully grasp the world as everypony else did. She was different. Just as Autumn was. She let the flames burn out with a whoosh.
The anger left her and water extinguished the flames. Autumn could feel tears welling. She didn’t want them to. She didn’t want Derpy to see her upset. But she couldn’t help it. She had just wanted to be heard.
Derpy understood tears. She rushed to Autumn’s side with the speed she used to display as a filly in racing competitions. Her hoof wrapped the Kirin up tight in a warm embrace. Autumn buried her head in the mare’s soft floof.
“I’m sorry,” Derpy began. “I like the song. I know you worked really hard on it. I appreciate some pony working so hard for me. No pony ever does. I know what will cheer you up. A muffin. A muffin always cheers me up. I can make one with blue berries.”
“It’s not the song,” wept Autumn. “I was trying to write something that would tell you how I love you. I know it’s only been a day. But it’s what I feel. I was hoping...you felt the same? Or at least acknowledge it.”
“Ohh,” said the mare with a slight relent in the hug. “You’re talking about...special somepony love.”
Autumn felt Derpy’s forehooves drop off of her. She knew what that meant. She turned away from the mare’s chest. But those forehooves grabbed her again. She finally looked into that sweet face.
It was still. Derpy’s eyes seemed to swim around and a look of utter shock stared back at the sad mare. The pegasus’s mouth was hanging open. She looked like a mess.
“I’m sorry,” Autumn said, “you can just forget I said that. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“I..I ..have never been seen like that before,” the stunned mare finally said. “You actually want me as a special somepony?”
“Only if you want to be, I just had so much fun, and you are so kind. I didn’t know what I was going to do when I noticed no pony waiting at the train station. It was just you waving your little greeting flag. And then it was dancing and sugar and muffins, those are great by the way you should open a muffinery, is that a thing? Oh then we sang and played games and you just smiled, like the whole time. I couldn’t help it. The way danced in the moonlight and you just shone up there. I just, kind of, fell for you.”
Derpy’s expression didn’t change. It sat there stunned. She continued to hold the Kirin in her forehooves but the slack-jawed expression remained.
“I, uh, guess you need to think things over,” Autumn finally suggested. “I’ll get back to my room. Try not to fly into any trees on your way home, ok?”
“Not yet,” whispered Derpy, her voice barely audible at all. “I don’t know what to do now. What am I supposed to say? I’m not good with these things. Do I have to sign something?”
“Sign something?”
“To be your special somepony. I’ve never been one before and it feels like a gift. I normally have to sign for those.”
“No, you don’t. Umm normally we just have to do what we normally do, I guess. But it would be special. Two special friends that like each other a bit more than other friends.”
“Do-do I have to kiss you?”
“Well, um, not right now. Uhhh, not unless you want to,” Autumn said as she recoiled slightly. She didn’t think of that. Could Derpy handle that? Could she?
“But I could? And hold hooves and gaze into your eyes? And things like that?”
“Yeah,” nodded the Kirin. “Yeah we would be able to do all sorts of things like that if you want to.” She relaxed a little, watching her love interest figure things out. She waited hoping the pegasus understood. Depy suddenly turned very very pink. She knew what it meant. Then she took a large breath and held it. The little pegasus sat there, holding a kirin that loved her and began to turn red.
“What are you doing?” asked Autumn, not sure if should be concerned or not.
“I’m holding my breath.”
“I can see that but why?”
“To see if this is a dream.”
“A dream?” Autumn sighed internally. Derpy wasn’t in trouble. She was just being Derpy.
“I heard that you can’t hold your breath in a dream. So I’m holding my breath.”
“But ..you’re talking. And who said that you can’t hold your breath in a dream?”
“I don’t remember,” Derpy looked at the ground. “Are you sure you like me? I can’t even hold my breath in a dream. Is that really the pony you want?”
“Yes, it is. There are things that I can’t do too. Like chess and checkers and reading the mood and flying. I can’t stop talking when I am supposed to either. We’re a lot alike,” Autumn informed her, lifting the pegasus’s head to eye level. “It doesn’t matter to me if you can’t hold your breath in a dream. I like you just the same.”
“Then how do I know it’s not? This whole day has felt like one. I had so much fun with you. And now this? It has to be a dream. So I have to see if I can hold my breath.” Derpy took a deep breath and held it again.
“Derpy...you don’t have to hold your breath to see if it is a dream.”
“I don’t? Oh muffins, I forgot again,” the pegasus sighed. “Is there another way?”
“Well you could pinch yourself but I don’t think you shou-..eep!” Autumn jumped as Derpy reached over and nipped her ear. “What?” It startled her. She felt her tail catch fire but quickly swished it out.
“I wanted to make sure you weren’t a dream. Now you have to bite my ear to see if I am.”
“I don’t think that’s how-“ the kirin stopped. She noticed the bright red cheeks, the awkward stance, and the way the pegasus puckered her mouth. Was she attempting to be flirty?
Autumn relented. She slowly craned her head past that uncertain face and grabbed the soft fuzzy ear of her companion with her teeth. She pressed her teeth lightly into that velvety tuft and heard, “ow.”
“Guess I’m not a dream then,” Derpy said with a smile.
“No you aren’t you’re a real live-“ her words failed her again. She was really close to Derpy’s face.It held a soft warm look. The eyes looked at her with confused want. The lips held in that puckered uncertain way. They were so close. She could feel a pull there,like a magnet. Both mares pulled away giggling like school fillies.
“I don’t think I’m ready to kiss you yet,” Derpy finally said, looking sadly at the ground again.
“That’s ok. I don’t think I’m ready for that either.”
“But we should do something special. Because you’re my special somekirin now.”
Autumn looked to the moon. It answered her as a muse once again. “Want to dance in the moonlight ..together?”
Derpy nodded and happily grabbed Autumn’s hoof and they began to walk towards a moonlit clearing.
“Thank you, for the song,” whispered Derpy still in awe.
“It’s not finished.”
“But it says all it was supposed to say.”
“Not quite,” Autumn said as inspiration gripped her. She hastily grabbed her quill and the “song” from Derpy’s hoof. She scribbled a single word, then gave it back. “There.”
Derpy looked at the paper again. It said “I love you, Derpy.” Tears started to well in her eyes. She looked in askance at her special somekirin.
“Now you know it’s your song,” Autumn smiled.
“I’ll tell everypony about my song.”
The moon gave plenty of light and Derpy hummed that tune and their dance began.