Ho Ho Hoh God
“You’re probably wondering why I’ve called you in here tonight, Rudolph,” Santa Claus said as he peered over his half-moon glasses down at his massive naughty-or-nice dossier on his desk. Rudolph shifted back and forth on his hooves, doing his best to avoid looking at his boss.
“N-No! Not a clue!”
Santa sighed. “Look. We both know why you’re in here, Rudolph. We have a mutual respect for each other that should go beyond a simple driver and mount relationship.”
Rudolph chuckled. “Heh. Driver and mount.”
“See? This is exactly what I’m talking about! You’re too damn horny, Rudolph! I need you in tip-top shape for Christmas. The smog is worse than ever and the GPS chip I had implanted in your nose is the only way I can reliably get around this year!”
Rudolph frowned. “Wait, the what in my nose?”
Santa ignored him. “Your insatiable horniness has been brought to my attention through various channels and not only am I beginning to think that I won’t be able to trust you to pull off your most vital job, you’re also interfering with the elves’ toy production and the training regiment of the other reindeer!”
“Aw, c’mon, Santa! It hasn’t been that bad!” Rudolph said.
Santa sighed and massaged his temples with a festively gloved hand. Swiveling around in his chair, he picked up a remote from his desk and turned on the 75-inch HDTV (locally sourced) behind him.
Immediately, closed-circuit security footage (in fantastic technicolor, no less) from behind Toy Workshop 7-B sprang to life on the screen. Rudolph was planely in view, as was his nearly fully-erect thirteen-and-a-half reindeer cock slapping gently against his belly. There was a small group of elves gathered around him; it was difficult to tell if they were girls or just really cute twinks (as it usually is for elves), but it didn’t really matter; you shouldn’t be assuming their genders anyway.
One of the elves lifted Rudolph’s tail, exposing a fat juicy ponut the likes of which is usually never seen on a deer. Nevertheless, Rudolph had quite a proud one. One of the elf’s friends grabbed them by the waist and boosted them up to bury their cute lil face right in it.
Rudolph in the security footage jolted a bit, his mouth open soundlessly on the screen. His cock slapped firmly against his belly, showering the snow beneath in a spattering of precum. One of the elves had scurried beneath him, watching the reindeer’s length bob back and forth before hopping up to grab into it like a fleshy, pulsating, precum-dripping monkey bar.
Rudolph’s ears flattened and his cheeks flushed the same color as his nose as the two of them watched his debauchery with the elves. “I-I tried to make sure that I only did it with the ones on break! And besides, that’s like, the only time me being horny got in the way of anything, right?”
Santa pursed his lips and hit play on the remote again. This time, the footage was from the stables. Rudolph’s legs and expression alike stiffened; he knew exactly what this footage was going to be. His fears were confirmed when the screen displayed Donner, Blitzen, and himself in a sort of three-deer pileup, with Rudolph in the center. Donner was giving Rudolph’s pert reindeer anus a proper pounding, while Blitzen was slurping his long reindeer tongue up and down his length.
Santa shut the TV off. “And don’t even get me started on the mess with Comet!” He heaved a sigh. “I don’t know how you did it, but we certainly can’t have him flying if he’s pregnant. That’ll mess up the aerodynamics of everything! You’ve put me in a real tough spot here, Rudolph.”
Rudolph shuffled in place, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. “Gee, I’m sorry, Santa. Is there anything we can do at this point to help me with my insatiable horniness and save Christmas?”
Santa adjusted his glasses. “Fortunately, I pulled in a favor from an old friend to make sure you get the fuck of your life and can focus on Christmas like a good lil’ raindeer.”
“Fluttershy,” Princess Celestia said. “You’re probably wondering why I’ve called you in here.”
“Am I being whored out against my will again?” Fluttershy said, ear drooping flat against her head.
Celestia blinked, silence echoing through the throneroom. “Whatever gave you that impression?”
“You only ever break out your pimp chalice and ho-smackin’ cane when that’s about to happen,” Fluttershy said, the dejection saturating her voice like I saturate the neighborhood childrens' christmas stockings with my cum. “Also, Luna is gagged and chained to the throne, another thing you only do when you’re getting ready to whore out ponies.”
Luna shuffled in her shackles, moaning softly through her ball-gag.
Celestia looked over at her sister and then back at Fluttershy, heaving a heavy sigh as she set down her jewel adorned goblet and cane to either side of her. Sadly, her cover was thoroughly blown (just as Rudolph soon would be, but let’s not skip ahead just yet). “Fluttershy, are you aware of a conflict known as ‘The Vietnam War’?”
Fluttershy felt a shiver run through her. “Oh no. This isn’t going to result in a flashback, is it?”
“The year was 1971, on a miserable little planet called Earth...”
“Oh, ponyfeathers.”
The entire room began to shimmer and wobble, and the scene of the magnificent Canterlot Palace Throneroom gave way to a sweltering and smoldering jungle. The rattle of gunfire and the booming of mortar shells echoed off the crashing of trees all around and the screams of F-4 Phantoms overhead.
Santa was leaning up against a gatling mount, shirtless and smoking a cigar. He was absolutely shredded, thick muscles rippling with each little movement and shining with sweat in the tropical sunlight. He cringed as he heard the shriek of another mortar overhead, ash tumbling from the end of his cigar.
“When will this hell ever end?” Santa muttered to himself, shaking his massive bearded head. “All this tragedy and violence; and for what? So that a couple of rubber companies get access to their stupid fucking gum trees?” He spat out his cigar and stomped on it with a powerful boot, grinding it into the mud. “Disgraceful.”
He looked up just in time to see Princess Celestia, combat helmeted and mane a mess of twigs and mud, walking towards him. He raised an eyebrow as he saw a small blanketed figure draped over her back, whimpering as she moved.
“What’ve you got there, Princess?” he asked, pausing to crack open an ice-cold Coca-Cola™ for the cameras. Draining the entire thing in two gulps, he threw the bottle behind him where it smashed right into the face of the war journalist filming him.
“It’s... well, I think you should see for yourself.” Celestia’s horn sparked, and she lifted the blanket off the moaning and twitching lump on her back. Santa gasped, his face going pale.
“No,” he just barely wheezed out before dropping to his knees, mud splattering all over his festive red-and-white-trimmed slacks. Laying there on Celestia’s back, legs blown off at the knees and inches from death, was notorious time traveler and American hero Nicolas Cage.
“Hey, Mr. C,” Nic said, a weak grin on his blood-drained face. “How you holdin’ up?”
“I found him just outside the perimeter of Salavan,” Celestia said. Santa had never seen her look so defeated in all his years of knowing her.
“Listen, Mr. C,” Nic said, coughing up a bit of blood onto his lapel. “I ain’t long for this world; I know that.”
“Don’t say that!” Santa shouted, bits of spit landing on Cage’s face. “Don’t you DARE say that! We’ll get you patched up! Where’s the medic?” Santa looked around frantically, but knew he wouldn't find anyone; he’d watched the medic gunned down a good half-hour ago.
“I just want you to know,” Nic said through the pink froth growing on his lips. “That... you were the best damn friend I ever did have.”
Santa propped Nicolas Cage up on Celestia’s back, holding the dying actor in his arms. Tears streamed down his jolly cheeks. “You too, Nicky. Y-You too...”
Nicolas Cage closed his eyes, ready to pass on to the great Hollywood Studio in the Sky, when suddenly his eyes shot opened as he noticed something quite different in said sky. “MORTAR!”
Santa’s reflexes, honed from three consecutive tours in this god-forsaken war, kicked in immediately. Without dropping Nic from his grasp, he grabbed Celestia by the mane and dragged her behind the gatling. Celestia yelped, but that mild pain of yanked hair was nothing compared to when Santa flopped his magnificently chiseled but also 310 pound body over her. Nicolas Cage was also fairly heavy himself despite missing the lower half of both legs. There was an audible snap from Celestia’s back, and she groaned.
The mortar sailed through the air and landed directly on the head of the war journalist whom Santa had thrown his coke bottle into the face of earlier. The reporter had been pulling glass from his face just as he saw the mortar come hurtling down towards him. Miraculously, the mortar failed to detonate, merely clonking the man in the head painfully but non-fatally, leaving him with nothing more than a simple concussion and a kink in his neck.
“OW!” The reporter yelped. The mortar shell landed harmlessly beside him in the mud. “Oh thank Christ, that was lucky.”
Unfortunately, the force of the impact caused several of the remaining fragments of glass to dislodge from the reporter’s face. They fell through the air, gracefully tinkling off the side of the mortar—which caused it to explode, blasting the war journalist and his film equipment to shreds.
The force of the mortar explosion also upended the gatling mount, sending the 2-ton gun turret to tumble right atop Santa, Celestia, and Nic.
Santa hefted the massive metal frame off of them with little more than a grunt, but it was too late; Nicolas Cage was little more than a greasy smear on his chest and Celestia’s back, having been thoroughly sandwiched between them.
“I swear I’ll avenge you,” Santa choked, the tears flowing freely once again. “From now on, I’ll always be known as... Saint Nicolas.”
“That’s more of an homage than an avengement,” Celestia pointed out.
“You owe me one,” Santa grunted, pulling himself to his feet and trudging away from the alicorn.
Celestia struggled to her own hooves. “Where are you going?”
“Back to the North Pole,” Santa spat. “I’m sick of this senseless war.”
He left without a further word.
Celestia wiped a single tear from the corner of her eye with a wingtip. “And now you know why this must be done, Fluttershy.”
Fluttershy shuddered. “I hate your Vietnam War flashbacks. All those poor defenseless jungle creatures getting their homes destroyed...”
“Yes, truly it was a senseless massacre; anyway! It’s time for you to get ready for your wonderful sexual encounter with Santa’s most valued red-nosed reindeer: Rudolph!”
“I’m so sorry about this,” Twilight said as she stepped out from behind the gagged and bound Luna.
“Were you there the entire time?” Fluttershy asked. Twilight nodded.
“Yeah, I usually hide behind Luna whenever Celestia has a flashback since she doesn’t get dragged along into them per Celestia’s request.”
“That’s smart.”
Twilight beamed. “Thank you!” Without further adieu, her horn lit up, and the air above them split open into a massive glowing portal, the atmosphere in the room quite suddenly displaced and causing everyone’s eardrums to pop.
“Oh, I suppose it won’t be the worst thing in the world,” Fluttershy said as she watched the dimensional rift grow, a hefty peppermint scent exuding from it. “In fact, it’s not even the worst thing you’ve prostituted me out to recently!”
“Yes, I daresay we’d all like to forget that miserable experience with Spider-Man,” Celestia said, shaking her head. “Especially Twilight.”
Twilight cringed, nearly losing the structural integrity of the portal as memories best left buried flooded to the surface of her mind. She quickly repressed them and performed the last crucial moment of her spell. Cold, biting winter winds sliced forth from the portal, along with gusts and flurries of snow. With the sound of one stepping into a cum-saturated stocking, Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer plopped out of the portal, which closed faster than 90 percent of the businesses in my local area the second the pandemic hit.
Fluttershy blinked several times as she looked at the confused deer, who was also blinking—albeit to clear residual dimensional dust from his eyes. “Wow, he’s a lot cuter than I expected!”
“Heh, you’re not so bad looking yourself,” Rudolph said, getting to his hooves. His nose gave a little twinkle of horny delight.
“Good, good,” Celestia said, nodding as she licked her lips. “Alright, get to it you two! We don’t have all night.”
Fluttershy turned back to look at Celestia. “We don’t?”
“Well of course not! Rudolph has to get back home in time for Christmas,” Celestia said, yanking on Luna’s chain so hard the poor mare fell over and smacked her head off the side of her older sister’s throne.
“What’s... what’s Christmas?” Fluttershy tried her best to ignore Luna’s whimpers and the growing pool of blood.
“It’s like Hearth’s Warming except worse,” Celestia said with a wave of her hoof as she levitated a pair of opera glasses to her eyes. “Now hurry up and fuck already!”
“I’m still not quite sure how this is supposed to help,” Fluttershy mumbled, but she took a few shaky steps towards Rudolph regardless. “I-I’m really not that great at sex...”
“You’re just being modest, Fluttershy,” Celestia said with a small giggle, dragging Luna over and lapping the blood off the side of her head. “Besides, Rudolph has never had the opportunity to plunder perfect pony pussy as of yet. Due to his low tolerance, I’m certain a round or two with you would blow his hooves off!"
Fluttershy frowned. “Can we please not refer to sex with me like it’s meth? It’s very demeaning.”
Celestia tapped her chin and thought deeply. “No.”
“Gosh, I’m real sorry about this,” Rudolph said as Fluttershy descended the throne steps towards him. “I don’t wanna make you feel uncomfortable or anything. But you really are helping out quite a bit—if what your princess says is true. I gotta admit, it’s kinda hard to curb my libido.”
“Well, I dunno about ‘my’ princess,” Fluttershy mumbled. “I didn’t vote for her.”
“Huh?”
“N-Nothing.” Fluttershy’s cheeks were burning crimson, and growing hotter with each passing moment. “S-So... how would you like to do this?”
“Well,” Rudolph said, his own blush rivaling Fluttershy’s. “I do sorta have a couple of favorites... to y’know, really get me going.” The reindeer turned around and lifted his tail, revealing his plump ponut and fat jingleballs.
Fluttershy blinked as she gazed into Rudolph’s backside. “Um. Not that I’m exactly an expert about deer backsides,” she lied. “But that looks a lot like a pony’s... uh, anus.”
“Well,” Rudolph admitted. “My great-grandmother was a shetland pony, as it would happen.”
“O-Oh. I see.” Fluttershy could already feel her mouth watering. Despite her facade, she really was quite a dirty slut for buttholes. She did her best to repress it, and had even been in and out of the rooms of Anuses Anonymous for the past few years, but nothing made her hornier than the sight of a nice, tight, plump posterior porthole. Rudolph’s asshole was quite the delight to behold itself; despite having been plundered quite a few times by his fellow reindeer, it still remained as tight and perfectly-shaped as ever.
Fluttershy leaned forward and buried her muzzle into Rudolph’s inherited anatomically-incorrect asshole, her nostrils flaring to draw in the thick reindeer musk. Her tail hiked, and a small squirt of pussy juice shot out and splashed into the flagstone behind her.
“Woo! Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!” Celestia cheered. “Get in there, Fluttershy!”
Fluttershy opened her mouth, spreading Rudolph’s tailhole open as she extended her tongue to delve deep inside. She slurped and licked, running a full circle around his rectum with her velvet-soft tongue. Rudolph moaned, thrusting his hips back and burying Fluttershy’s muzzle further inside of him. She let out a muffled groan of pleasure, and then placed her hooves on Rudolph’s ass to pull herself free with a quiet and wet pop!
Fluttershy nuzzled her way down Rudolph’s taint, dragging her tongue along the fur before nestling her nose directly between the reindeer’s plump nuts. She took one of the balls in her mouth, gently suckling on it. Her tail flicked back and forth, a small leaping sensation in her gut filling her with anticipation of things to come (if you catch my driftwood).
Rudolph spread his hind legs, making a noise that my filthy furry mind can only describe as a “murr”. His sheath twitched, and his tip began to emerge from within. It was already glistening with his pre-cum, and the scent hit Fluttershy’s nose like an Israeli RPG hitting a bus full of Palestinian children.
Fluttershy let Rudolph’s fat nut filled with millions of tiny protodolphs pop from her mouth, and she peeped through his legs, letting his warm sack sit gently atop her forehead. Her eyes widened and a surprised, excited squeak exited her.
“Oh my, that’s a bit... large,” Fluttershy said, swallowing hard as the over a foot of deer meat bobbed before her very eyes. She watched it sneak and slither from its sheath for a few more moments, continuing to go for another inch each time she thought it had reached its full length. She looked on in lust-addled curiosity as the sheath began to widen, and the thick, bulged end of Rudolph’s cock pushed itself out. “I-is that a knot?” She raised an eyebrow. “Deer don’t have knots,” she said, foolishly letting slip more info on how well-acquainted she was with deer anatomy yet again like the slippery slut she is.
“My dad was half-wolf,” Rudolph explained, his cock smacking gently against Fluttershy’s face. Fluttershy whimpered softly.
“You certainly are quite genetically cosmopolitan,” Fluttershy said through a saliva-drowned mouth, drooling down her chin a bit as her eyes traveled from the pre drooling tip down to the fat and gently throbbing knot and back again.
Celestia grinned as she sat back in her throne, one hoof running over her belly to slide further downward as the other yanked the chain connected to Luna’s spiked collar, hindering her attempt to crawl away. “Ah yes, perfect...”
Fluttershy whined softly as she wrapped her lips around the side of Rudolph’s fat red reindeer rocket, suckling gently on the thick, veined cock. Rudolph moaned, his eyelids fluttering as he lifted a back leg slightly, allowing Fluttershy better access to his underside.
“Fluttershy, I can’t take it anymore,” Rudolph moaned breathily. “Let me fuck you.”
“O-okay,” Fluttershy squeaked, and in an instant Rudolph had shoved her down to the floor. Celestia sat up excited in her throne, her thick thighs pressed together around her hoof.
Rudolph pressed himself down onto Fluttershy in the missionary position, just as God intended all creatures to do. She let out an excited whine, Rudolph’s tapered tip pressing and poking at her plump pussy lips.
“Please be gentAH!” Fluttershy locked up as she felt the magnificent rod of venison plunge inside her. “Ngggh... w-wow, that’s warm...”
Celestia dug the edge of her hoof against her clit, biting her lip and holding Luna tight against her as she watched Rudolph pound himself into Fluttershy. “Mmnh~! Get in there, Rudolph! Tear that pussy up!”
“N-no! No tearing, please!” Fluttershy begged. Her body shook with each powerful thrust Rudolph delivered.
“Golly! Celestia was right!” Rudolph said as he slapped himself deeper and deeper into Fluttershy’s plushy pone puss. “This is the best pussy I’ve ever had!” Of course, Rudolph didn’t get pussy very often, since the elves who possessed them generally liked to avoid putting something that big inside them, and Mrs. Claus has so far managed to avoid Rudolph’s advances, but nevertheless Fluttershy’s insides were heaven wrapped around his cock. Each thrust brought him deeper inside of her, his pointed reindeer tip prodding and poking at her cervix.
Rudolph grunted, pressing his hips into Fluttershy’s. His knot struggled against her entrance for but a moment before spreading her wide, and with an audible pop it forced itself within.
Fluttershy gasped, her back arching as she felt the size of Rudolph within her truly for the first time since they began. “Oh goodness!” She mewled, wings flapping uselessly against the floor.
Rudolph’s face was screwed up in pure orgasmic bliss. “Gonna cum!” He announced superfluously, as I’m about to describe him cumming anyway. His balls drew up close to him, and his bushy reindeer tail curled up against his back. His cock flexed inside Fluttershy, and she let out a half-pained squeal from the sensation of being stretched further than she’d previously thought possible.
The first jet of thick reindeer semen blasted directly into Fluttershy’s womb, as the tip of Rudolph’s cock had wedged itself right into the aperture of her cervix, just like in one of my Japanese hentais. He pulled back a little, and the second cumshot soaked the inside of his pony partner’s canal with Sweet’n’Sticky Seed (trademark pending). Fluttershy’s belly rounded a bit as another jerk of Rudolph’s hips brought his cock a quarter-way into her womb, painfully wrenching her cervix open a bit further than she’d have liked.
Rudolph wasn’t done there, of course. He bucked his hips up, his knot popping free from her stretched hole. A few errant jets of pressurized jizz shot out, splattering against his belly and the ground alike. He yanked his length free from her pussy, another two powerful cumshots hitting Fluttershy’s belly and chest before he jammed the spasming cock right into her mouth.
“Mrrph!” Fluttershy moaned, a veritable flood of deer semen filling her mouth. She began to swallow as fast as she could, gulping down cup after cup of cum, and then liter after liter—but to no avail. Rudolph was simply far too productive. Cum shot out of each of Fluttershy’s nostrils and around her stuffed lips as the reindeer fucked her face through his orgasm.
Finally, right before Fluttershy felt she was going to pass out from lack of oxygen, Rudolph’s cumshots died to mere trickles. He wore a dizzy and doofy grin, awash in the feeling of afterglow and post-coital satisfaction.
“Wow Fluttershy, that was really—“ Rudolph began, but with the sound of God’s fly being unzipped, the portal opened back up above them and slurped Rudolph right up and back to earth, leaving nothing but the scent of candy canes and a cum-soaked Fluttershy as evidence he had ever been there at all.
Fluttershy gagged and coughed a small fountain of ejaculate down her front, snorting cum out her sinuses. “I-I didn’t even get to cum,” she said, brow furrowed and clearly annoyed.
“Well, your efforts are appreciated regardless,” Celestia said. “No doubt Rudolph will be satiated for at LEAST twelve hours.”
“Can I get some Plan B, please?” Fluttershy asked. “I don’t think I can afford to have another foal.”
Celestia tapped her chin and thought about it for a moment. “No.”
Fluttershy sighed. “Well I hope that everything works out for them on this, uh, ‘Christmas’." She shivered as her belly gave a small flex, reindeer cum squirting out her still-gaped pussy all over the flagstone.
“Oh, don’t worry,” Celestia chuckled. “I have a feeling everything's going to work out just fine. Juuuust fine...”
“OH GOD!” Santa screamed. “WE’RE GOING DOWN!”
Explosions rocked the sleigh as Israel’s Iron Dome defense system set rocket after rocket flying at them. “This is just like Vietnam all over again!” Santa complained as he barely dodged the fire and shrapnel of two missiles colliding with one another.
“Wow, leave it to the Jews to ruin Christmas,” Dasher grumbled as an ICBM streaked directly at him.
“Now now Dasher, no need to be anti-Semitic,” Santa said with a waggle of his finger as they all went up in a brilliant orange burst ten miles out from Jerusalem.