In nudist Equestria, Spike feels uncomfortable not having the organs stallions and all other male creatures seem to have. What follows is a tale of Spike's gender identity acceptance.
Spike is devastated when he learns he won’t actually find out what his own sex is for a century. At some point decades from now, he will become physically male or female. It also doesn't help that stallions and other male creatures around him have organs that he does not.
How does Spike grapple with the uncertainty of his own gender identity until that far flung future date when he will know what his own sex is?
A rather bizarre, awkward, and sometimes wholesome journey of gender identity acceptance.
Rated Mature for nudity and genital discussions. This story does not have sexual content but does acknowledge the existence of sex.
--- Based on the idea that several reptile species are impossible for humans to tell the sex of until later in life. This story explores that idea in comparison to the several thousand-year lifespans of dragons. As well as an exploration of Spike as an asexual, heteroromantic, transmale.
Spike glanced at the stallion’s genitals, and then turned his eyes down to where his own should be.
There was nothing there. It was bare scales all the way down like it had always been.
Spike closed his eyes and tried to refocus on his task. He was in the back of Quills and Sofas trying to pick up Black Ink #35, which was Twilight’s favorite shade of dark ink. But there was nothing on the shelf between Black Ink #40 and Black Ink #30. The ink was missing.
Spike glanced down, he was also missing something.
Spike looked to his left and noticed as the stallion that had been standing next to him trotted away.
Spike sighed. Would Twilight really notice between the various shades of ink? He picked up a #30 and then made his way past a section of sectional sofas toward the front of the shop.
Spike stood in line right behind the stallion, and couldn’t help but stare up at the stallion’s masculinity.
A mixture of strange thoughts and feelings welled up inside Spike.
Where was Spike’s own masculinity? Surely he would grow his own set someday. Right? Out from his smooth scales would grow his own complete package and everything would be right with himself. His wings had come in miraculously, maybe his own maleness would appear one day too?
However, Spike had seen other male dragons before. They didn’t have anything like the male organs of a pony.
Or a yak.
Or a griffon.
Or hippogriff.
Changeling.
Minotaur.
Buffalo.
It seemed as if every male creature sported their own set.
Except dragons.
And in Ponyville, it was every male. They were all outwardly, visibly, strongly male.
Except Spike.
“That’ll be 12 bits, sir,” said the attendant to the stallion in front of Spike.
The stallion trotted out of the store with his purchases. Spike blinked and then stood up next in line and set the ink down on the counter. “Umm…” began Spike. “Do you happen to have any stock in the back of Black Ink #35? I didn’t see any on the shelf.”
The counter wasn’t staffed by the usual attendant. She must be new. The attendant looked down at Spike and then glanced down a bit further. “Sorry ma’am, if it’s not on the shelf, we don’t have it in stock.”
Spike’s insides squirmed. He wanted to say something. He had previously corrected the attendant who had normally been there. He should say something. He really ought to.
“Oh, okay,” said Spike. “Could I put in a special order for Princess Twilight Sparkle for 5 bottles of Black Ink #35? We can make do with this #30 ink in the meantime.”
“Certainly, we should have that ink ready for you in a week. Will that be all for you today?” asked the attendant.
Spike nodded as he paid for the bottle of the wrong ink.
“Thanks for coming in, ma’am,” said the attendant.
“Err… uhh…” Spike was about to say something, but noticed another customer behind him. Without another word, Spike walked outside.
He found a nearby bench, and sat down, frowning as ponies passed.
He didn’t like being… himself. Well—he did like himself. He liked being a dragon. He liked being a boy. He liked being Twilight’s #1 assistant. He just… didn’t like whatever this feeling was. He couldn’t describe it. It was the twinge in his stomach when somepony thought he was a she. The uncomfortableness when a shopkeeper would use “buddy” or “kid” right after a previous customer got to be called “sir”’ or “mister.” And it was also the feeling of lacking an important part of himself that every other male creature seemed to have.
Only dragons seemed to not have their own set. Spike didn’t know very many dragons. But he did have one nearby he could at least ask. Even though she wasn’t male, she might be good to talk to.
After dropping off the morning’s purchases at the castle, Spike made his way to the School of Friendship and flew around the school, looking for her.
He spotted Smolder lounging in the front of the school. She was eating a sapphire sandwich on a brick fence.
“Hey Smolder, how are ya’ doing?” asked Spike as he landed next to her.
“Fine,” said Smolder, giving Spike a quick glance and then paying closer attention to her sandwich.
“I was umm…” Spike began, but he trailed off. Biting nervousness suddenly poked at him. But what was there to be nervous about?
“If it’s about that homework that Professor Applejack assigned about honesty, I’m honestly never going to turn it in.”
Spike blinked, and his anxiety momentarily melted. “But, you’ll get a bad grade if you do that.”
“And grades matter... why?” asked Smolder
“Of course they matter!” said Spike, aghast. “If you get bad grades you’ll feel terrible inside like the entire world is going to blow up and the anxiety and stress of the low numbers will leave you cold, desolate, and terrified of life.”
Smolder gave a half frown. “I think you’ve spent a little too much time with Twilight.”
Spike thought about it for a moment and calmed down, “that’s fair.”
Smolder shrugged and then went back to her sandwich, crunching into a particularly large piece of sapphire.
“Well anyway, I just uhh… could I get your opinion about something?”
“Oh… sure,” said Smolder, gulping down half of her meal in one bite. “What’s up?”
“I was just wondering,” Spike thought about how to broach this subject. “Umm… how often do ponies call you by the wrong gender? Because it feels like it happens to me all the time.”
Smolder shrugged, “It’s not like I have a right gender.”
Spike tilted his head. “Yeah you do, you’re a girl.”
“I could be, but it’s not like any creature knows for sure,” said Smolder, scarfing down the rest of her sandwich.
Spike blinked several times. She hadn’t said anywhere remotely the words he had been expecting to come from his question and he was having trouble comprehending what she had actually said.
“But of course you’re a girl,” Spike said. “I mean—I use she/her pronouns on you because you’re a girl.”
Smolder shrugged. “Somepony had called me a girl when I first came here, and I just rolled with it. I roll with whatever they call me. I won’t know anything for sure for a couple of decades anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.”
Spike gaped at her. “Wh—what are you talking about?”
Smolder raised her eyebrows before furrowing them. “Nopony has told you anything about dragon biology, have they? Do I really gotta explain this too!?”
“Explain what?” said Spike. He was starting to get the feeling that he should not have talked to Smolder.
She had the kind of dejected look on her face that only very annoyed parents got when they had to have that kind of ‘talk.’
“Dragons don’t reach sexual maturity for several decades after their hatching. Until then, it’s nearly impossible to tell what their sex is. I mean—I could be male or I could be female. It all depends on whether I get an erection someday and have a penis, or if I lay an infertile egg. It could go either way.”
At this point Spike started shuffling his feet back and forth. “W—What?”
“Yeah, the same goes for you too, buddy. You probably won’t find out for a while. How old are you right now?”
Spike stared at her before her question finally caught up to his brain, “right right now? I’m twenty-two.”
“Oh… you got a while probably. I’m in my fifties so I should know in less than sixty years. But you still got six to ten decades before you’ll know your sex for sure.”
“What!? What’s with that range?”
“Well, dragons are really, really different from each other. Height, girth, shape, colors, all of it can have an impact on when sexual maturity actually occurs, but it’s not gonna happen until you get quite a bit bigger. Which… a dragon can live like… what? 3000 years? So all things considered, you’ll know your sex for quite a while of your life. Just not anytime soon.”
Spike gaped at her.
“You get all that?”
“So does—does that mean I’m not a boy?” asked Spike.
Smolder folded her arms and stared at him. “You could be, but you could also be a girl too. You can’t know for sure.”
“So… I’m not a boy?” repeated Spike.
Smolder stared at Spike and then glanced up to see Twilight flying off somewhere.
“Headmaster Twilight, you gotta sec!?” yelled Smolder from across the lawn.
“Now Smolder,” began Twilight as she rounded on her. “We’ve talked about this. Just because you’re outside doesn’t mean you need to use your outside voice.”
“I have some concerns. You kind of raised Spike, right?”
“Well yes, of course I did.”
“Uh huh, and how do you know Spike is a boy?”
Twilight raised her eyebrows. “Uhh… well… hmm… that is a very good question, Smolder.”
“And you don’t know the answer, right?” asked Smolder.
“Well,” Twilight blushed. “I’m sure I could find out but it seems a rather private subject to approach.”
“So why did you start using male pronouns around Spike then?”
“Oh, when I was a filly I just thought all dragons were boys,” said Twilight as Spike looked on in horror. “Y’know… like how all dogs are boys and all cats are girls? I just thought that that was how Equestria worked.
Twilight gave a weak smile. “Well… I was most definitely wrong on ALL counts! Though I still used male pronouns on Spike because I wasn’t about to ask for clarification.”
Spike didn’t know what to say to that.
“That explains a lot, Headmaster Twilight. But I think we’ve reached the limit for what you know about this. Were you on your way somewhere?”
Twilight looked positively relieved at the chance to escape Spike’s notice at that moment. “Yes, I have quite a bit of paperwork to fill out. I’ll see you all later!”
Smolder shrugged as Twilight disappeared. “So that’s that then, huh?”
Spike didn’t know what to say.
“You need anything else?” asked Smolder. “Let me know if you want me to change the pronouns I use for you or something. Though honestly being a boy or girl. It doesn't really matter.”
Spike stayed silent. He hunched over, dejected.
“I’m just gonna… go,” said Smolder, walking off.
Spike stared down at where he imagined his sheath and scrotum would be if he had one. It was nothing but smooth scales just like Smolder and all of the other dragons he had met.
Apparently some form of masculinity might happen to him one day.
Might.
If he did have a penis, it sounded like it would all be mostly internal. With stallions, they got to have a sheath so there was some outward appearance. And that was just the penis portion of their masculinity. Do male dragons not get balls?
Maybe that was better off. For the stallions Spike had seen around Ponyville, the full masculine set they wielded sometimes looked a bit uncomfortable. It couldn’t have been that safe to have such a dangly, precious organ hanging out there.
Maybe it’d be better to not be a ‘he?’
He could be a 'she' someday. But he didn’t know for sure. She didn’t know for sure?
She tried on the idea of being female for just a moment and then Spike shivered.
It didn’t feel right at all. He was comfortable being male. He wanted to be male. But what if a few decades from now he wasn’t male? What had Smolder said? He could lay an infertile egg and then he’d know he was a girl for sure?
That… was awful.
From Spike’s view from outside the friendship school, he could see quite a number of creatures about.
There was an adult stallion walking along with his wife and a young foal of his own. That stallion was barely a few years older than Spike. And he already had a family and everything.
While Spike had always been grateful to have Twilight. It didn't compare to how he would have liked to be raised. And he could raise his own hatchlings right in his own way. But now that wouldn't happen for forever, even if he did find the right spouse to share himself with.
Rarity would be an old mare before...
Spike shook his head. There were so many reasons his crush with Rarity would never work. But this news completely crushed whatever inkling of a desire he had left.
Spike spotted Gallus sunbathing on his back in the middle of a field, taking a nap. Even male griffons had a scrotum and a sheath.
Spike knew it was wrong to stare, but he couldn’t help but feel incredibly jealous in that moment. Where was his own set? He was a boy, right? He deserved to be completely intact with everything that came with, right?
Even if he was male, he wouldn’t have anything to show for it for decades.
That was such a long time.
Granted, he could be alive for about 3000 years so the amount of time he was completely intact would be more than 97% of his life. That was quite a long time all things considered. But he wanted to be male now.
If he even was male.
Spike got up and started flying back to his own room in the castle
What would it be like if he was born a girl? Honestly, probably not much would be different. Perhaps Twilight would have included him more in her adventures with their friends? Mares certainly did seem to be in more leadership roles among ponies than stallions. Would Twilight have treated him any differently?
He supposed he could still test it. He could politely ask to be referred to as she and her. And see how anypony else changed their behavior. He couldn’t even think of any examples of how his own behavior would change—besides the internal feeling of wrongness about it. It’s not like he would start wearing makeup or stop playing Ogres & Oubliettes or something. Any change from being a girl wouldn’t change much.
So then why was he so horrified by the idea of being a girl?
If he could take the feeling and apply some sense of logic to it, he supposed it came down to identity. He liked being male. He couldn’t put a claw on why. He just did. He was comfortable being male. If any pony asked him about his gender identity he could say he was: “Happily male.”
But what did that mean if he didn’t truly know one way or the other? He could say he was male and carry on the rest of his young life and a few things could happen.
Spike arrived back in his room, ready to scribble on a page and get these circular thoughts out on paper.
Scenario 1: I continue to be male. And a few years from now I find I have a penis and all is right in Equestria. I am biologically and mentally male. YES!
Scenario 2: I continue to be male. And a few years from now I lay an infertile egg and find out that I’m female. I am biologically female, but have been mentally male. At this point, scenario 2 branches out.
2A) I’ll need to readjust and request that the ponies and dragons I know call me female pronouns instead. And I change my life to be female
2B) I continue to pretend I’m male, and only share that I’m biologically female with romantic partners that need to know.
Scenario 3: I let everypony know that I don’t know whether I’m a boy or a girl. And that it’s up in the air. I guess they could call me by they/them pronouns? That feels worse somehow. At least for himself, having a gender feels better than not having one?
Spike stared at his list and felt very uncomfortable with all the scenarios. The odd part about this was that he wasn’t questioning what he wanted. He was already very comfortable being male. He liked being a he. And he wished with all his heart that he would stay a he for his whole life.
So… it could be Scenario 1, with Scenario 2B as a nightmarish worst case scenario. It was a 50/50 chance of either happening.
It took a few days to get an appointment with Starlight Glimmer. A few days where he agonized over how to get a second opinion.
Ideally, there was some kind older male dragon that could explain some things to Spike about his own body.
Like… a father.
That thought brought a whole host of other feelings that were very upsetting and didn’t matter because that particular problem was likely never going to be resolved no matter what Spike did. He was just going to have to be a better father than his father was. If… he was even male that is.
Spike breathed in and out and then entered the counselors office.
“Hey Starlight!” said Spike with feigned cheerfulness.
“Hey Spike! How are you doing?” asked Starlight.
“I’m fine!” said Spike.
“Well great. Then what brings you in today?”
“I’m not fine!” said Spike, who somehow began to grin even though it was the exact opposite of how he was feeling.
“I can work with that! So… what are you not feeling fine about?”
Spike breathed out and clapped his claws together. “Well… okay. Let me back up for a second here and say that you probably aren’t the best pony to talk about my particular umm… anatomy problems. Ideally, I would talk to an older male dragon that could kind of tell me what to expect.”
“This is a dragon biology thing?”
“Yep.”
“Ah, yeah I’m probably not the best for that.”
“I know! I just… I really need somebody to talk to about this and Twilight has been terrible about this for forever. I mean—she did give me a stallion and mare anatomy textbook once which was simultaneously uncomfortable, helpful, and completely useless. I got some vocabulary words out of that. For mammals at least. And umm... so anyway... you don’t happen to know any older male dragons I could talk to, do you?”
Starlight brought a hoof to her muzzle, thinking for a moment. “Yeah, I really don’t know. I’m sorry Spike.”
“If you don’t know, do you know how I might get in touch with someone that might know?”
“Aren’t you good friends with Dragon Lord Ember? If anyone can help you it would be her.”
Spike scrunched his snout. “Hmmm… I had thought of her, but I’m way too nervous she’d ask questions about what I’m trying to ask questions about and umm…” He paused for a moment before shivering. “I just don’t even want to entertain that thought and it scares me.”
Spike’s eyes wandered down to the floor. “In fact, most of dragon culture scares me. While I’d like some nice dragon to talk to, most of them are just really really mean. So even if I have biological things that I’d like to know about I’m not so sure the dragon route is good to take anyway.”
“Okay,” Starlight said. “We’ll put a pin in talking to Ember for a second. How about someone closer to home? Is Smolder out of the question to talk to as well?”
“Oh…” Spike hesitated. “Smolder caused all this terror to begin with.”
Starlight cocked an eyebrow.
“Do you want to know the details? I don’t think you want to know the details. This is umm… kind of…”
“Spike, I’ve seen a lot of crazy things in my time, especially when I was mind controlling ponies,” she said wistfully. “There’s always a bit of their mind I get as well. So… I’m all ears. Plus, I learned this nifty forgetfulness spell the other day. I’m pretty sure I’ve never used it before. But that’s probably the forgetfulness spell kicking in. I’m better about that now though! I’m keeping tally’s in a filing cabinet now. So whatever I don’t remember can at least be catalogued.”
Spike could only stare at her as she took a sip of tea. “Why would you need a forgetfulness spell?” asked Spike.
“For complete secrecy’s sakes, of course. Sometimes it helps to really hammer home that I’m a good confidant to share something with.”
“Okay… I think the self-memory erasure may be worse for you than my current problem is.”
“Really?”
Spike chewed on the idea more, as if the notion was a particularly hard piece of amethyst.
“Then again, maybe not… hmm… okay it is a toss-up.”
“You… could tell me and I could compare too?” said Starlight.
Spike stared down in between his legs for a brief moment before staring at the floor again.
“I’m not sure if I’m a boy or not.”
Starlight listened intently, so Spike stammered on. “I mean… well… Smolder told me that she doesn’t know her own gender biologically either. But she just went by ‘she’ because that simplified things. Apparently dragons don’t even develop their sexual organs for decades after hatching—sometimes a century! I… won’t know if I’m a boy or a girl until then.” Spike trailed off and silence filled the room.
“And…?” asked Starlight.
“This is horrible!” said Spike. “Age-wise I’m 22 right now and I just got my wings. And now I won’t even get a dick or balls until I’m in my 80’s!? If then? It’s not fair! I know stallions my age that are already fathers and I’m here without… without anything. I’m not masculine… I’m not feminine… I can’t help create a family. I… I really don’t belong at all.”
“That is a lot to unpack,” said Starlight.
“I know!” said Spike, eyes finally tearing away from the floor and to the potted plant next to Starlight. “I can’t stand going outside. I see all these creatures of all shapes and sizes that are fully intact. There’s no doubt if they’re male or female at all from the second they are born. But I don’t get that luxury. I’m not male or female. I’m unknown until sheer time reveals what I am.”
“Forgive my intrusion, but do you need to know right now?”
“YES!” said Spike, sitting up straighter and moving his claws around wildly as he spoke. “Every other creature knows what sex they are right away. Twilight literally just called me a boy on a whim with no reasoning behind it. It feels like my entire life is upside down. And that’s not even the worst part! I may not even be a boy at all. I really like being male. It’s nice in it’s own ways and I’ve gotten really comfortable being male. I want to stay being male. I’d like my own set of masculine anatomy like every stallion that I see every day gets to flaunt around like it’s not something special. And I thought I’d be getting my own pair soon after these wings came in but now I learn that that’ll happen decades from now if it happens at all!”
Starlight took a sip of tea. “You’re right, that is not the best.”
“Yeah…,” said Spike, leaning back into the sofa.
“I’m not one to compare misfortunes in life, but in this case, I’d say your biological predicament outweighs my self-forgetting spells.”
Spike smiled weakly. “I still think the self forgetfulness spells are probably a bad idea.”
“Note taken,” said Starlight, literally scribbling down something on a sheet a paper. “Well, I want to let you know that your feelings are entirely valid. I never thought knowing I’m a mare would be something I’d be taking for granted, but here I am.”
“I just want a dick,” said Spike, who hastily added, “my own dick!”
Starlight nodded, “Always good to clarify.”
“With my own set of balls and everything. But I’m not sure if dragons even get balls, do they?”
“Hmm… as far as I’m aware, most reptiles have internal genitals. So your testicles would probably stay safely inside your own body.”
Spike frowned.
“It does seem a safer place for them all things considered. I don’t know how stallions manage with everything on the outside like that.”
“Well… whatever male dragons are supposed to have… I’d like that please.”
“I’m not sure if I got any spells on hand that do what you’re looking for.”
“No— I meant in a vague sense of ‘I’d like the universe to grant me a dick,’” said Spike, who realized what Starlight had just said. “Although… if you got some magic and you’re offering, I’ll listen to what you have to say.”
Starlight gulped. “I don’t think I have anything for that, I’m afraid. There are a few magical ways to at least check what your sex is though.”
“Really!?” Spike perked up, finally looking at her directly.
“I’m extremely hesitant to do any time travel, especially because I’d have to get permission from all four princesses to even try anything. And it wouldn’t be a pure reconnaissance trip, as I’d actually have to ask your century old self whether he’s male or female which could get awkward.”
“Hey! I have a good memory. I’d save that date forever! Whatever day in the future you go to I would be grateful to see you and to tell my past self what happened.”
“Hmm… okay… let’s put a pin in that for now. And don’t let me forget that talking to Dragon Lord Ember is still pin #1.”
Starlight physically got out a box of thumbtacks and hastily wrote down “#2 Time Travel,” “#1 Ember,” before scribbling “#3 Human world.”
“How many weeks does it take to get to the dragon lands?” asked Starlight.
“Around two,” said Spike. “So guaranteed a month gone altogether.”
“Hmm… do you think the dragon lands will have any extra insight you’d like to hear? I mean you could always go the happy route of (she wrote down #4: Acceptance) just taking life as it is.”
“Why in Tartarus would I want to take life as it is!? That’s terrible.”
“Okay, we may need to change some of your vocabulary. It’s not ‘terrible.’ It’s an inconvenience. A bother. Contrary to expectations. Upsetting. Terrible is a bit too strong of a word.”
“It’s terrible then.”
Starlight coughed on her tea.
“Yeah… I can’t think of a stronger word to describe how I’m feeling so let’s go with that.”
“Okay, let’s try pin #3 then,” said Starlight, rearranging her pins. “When you went to the human world with Twilight, you transformed into a dog, correct?”
“Uhh… yeah! I did! Hey! I could—“
“Yes! You could. Dogs are mammals like ponies so it should be pretty clear what sex you are.”
Spike’s face lit up like it was Hearth’s Warming Eve.
“You don’t happen to remember what sex you were as a dog, do you?”
Spike racked his mind, desperately trying to remember how he peed when he had been a dog. “No… I don’t.”
“Well then, let’s find out if you have a dick!”
Spike blinked.
“I take it you would like some discretion and privacy after getting to the human world, right? I mean—this should be a very quick in and out trip, but you’d probably be uncomfortable if a bunch of humans were around, right?”
Spike thought about it for a moment. “Yeah… I’d prefer it if it was just me.”
“I’m going to come too, just in case terrible things happen and the gate closes or sends you to the wrong plane of existence or something ridiculous.”
“That wouldn’t happen, would it?”
“Spike, it’s a magical gate to another dimension. It’s probably fine. But arcana like that is always fiddly in all the wrong ways, so I’d like to be cautious.”
Spike had half a mind to rush into the mirror room, quickly check, and then rush back home. But Starlight did have a point.
“How does midnight tonight sound? Everything should be calm and quiet on the other side for a quick check and back.” Spike nodded. For the first time since the conversation with Smolder, he felt better. It wouldn’t take decades to find out what he was, just a few more hours.
Sunset Shimmer awaited them on the other side. She had insisted on coming to any portal usages, no matter how small.
Spike had wanted to protest, as it was a very personal matter. But the more he thought about it, literally every other male he knew had their masculinity practically paraded around at all hours of the day. So he didn’t really have any need for modesty for the situation.
Spike stumbled out of the portal, switching from two legs to four. While Starlight lurched out, switching from four legs to two.
Sunset Shimmer gave a quick hello before hastily going back to her phone to turn off all the alarms that triggered when the portal was used.
“Hello Sunset! Like I said in the journal, this will be a very quick trip. Spike, you can go ahead and check what you need to.”
“What exactly are you checking?" asked Sunset. "You were really vague about it.”
Spike took the opportunity and scurried to the other side of the statue for some privacy.
“Well it’s kind of a personal matter for Spike and I don’t think he wants to share exactly.”
The soft night lights from the school and the glow of the moon were enough for him to see. He tilted his head downwards as far as it could go, surprised by just how flexible it was.
His snout came face to face with his own dick.
Relief flooded him completely. He had a penis! He was male! Everything was going to be just fine!
He stared at his dick for a moment longer, but then became a little confused as he stared in between his legs more. He didn’t seem to have that pouch that the male stallions, griffons, yaks, literally every creature seemed to have. There was supposed to be a nice dangly pouch with two balls right at the base of his penis. But… it wasn’t there.
Spike gave an involuntary whimper.
Starlight and Sunset started walking over. And the second Spike saw them he sat down on his haunches.
“Are you okay Spike?” asked Starlight.
Spike whimpered. “Somethings wrong with me.”
“What’s going on?” asked Sunset.
“Is it alright if I tell her?” asked Starlight.
Spike nodded, tears were attempting to creep into his eyes.
“Spike won’t find out if he’s male or female for another couple of decades because dragon puberty is super slow. So we came here so he could get some closure on whether he’s a he. I figured that since the human world version of him was a dog, so it would be pretty clear what gender he is.”
Sunset Shimmer paused to drink in that strange information, “Okay… well… that does make sense.”
“What seems to be the problem, Spike?” asked Starlight. ”Do you need some help identifying yourself?”
Spike stared at the grass for a few moments before finally rolling over, exposing himself completely.
“Hey! You’re a boy! That’s what you wanted, right?” said Starlight.
“I’m missing… missing…” said Spike, but he couldn’t say what.
“Oh…” said Starlight. “Sunset, male mammals in this universe do have testicles, right?”
Sunset stared at Spike. “They’re supposed to… yes.”
Spike whimpered, hiding his eyes with his paws. “What does it mean that I don’t have any?”
Starlight stared at Sunset, bewildered.
“Oh! You might have been fixed,” said Sunset, snapping her fingers. “That’s gotta be be it!”
“What does fixed mean!?” asked Starlight.
“Y’know… sometimes the humans here don’t like their dogs getting too friendly so they ‘fix’ them.”
“That’s horrible!” said Starlight.
“It’s kind of the norm here…” said Sunset.
“But how has Spike been neutered!?” asked Starlight. “He’s a dragon! Did something happen in Equestria that—“
“I don’t think it’s that,” said Sunset. “Don’t freak out, this is okay. Let me just call Twilight real fast and I think we can sort this out.”
Spike stayed sprawled on his back. He didn’t know what to think. He was a male? But not completely a male? What even was this!?
“Hey Twilight,” Sunset talked into something that Spike couldn’t see. “I hope I didn’t wake you up.”
“Yeah I know I’m supposed to text, but this was kind of an emergency.”
“Yes.”
“Okay, this is kind of a strange question. But trust me it is important. So don’t be too weirded out, okay? Alright.”
“Your dog Spike. Is he… ‘fixed?’”
“Yes, the status of your dog's testicles is important enough to call you in the middle of the night.”
“Yeah... Yeah... I know. Okay, I promise I’ll explain in the morning.”
“Okay that’s what I needed to know. Thank you so much!”
Spike heard a clasping sound as Sunset put the phone away. Sunset breathed in and out.
“So… Twilight’s dog has been fixed,” said Sunset. “What I think that means for Spike the dragon is that you inherit perfectly what your human-world counterpart has gone through.
“I think this actually explains quite a bit. I have this nasty scar on my leg that’s been there for forever, but I didn’t get it in Equestria. It must have come from the human version of me. So we take on whatever injuries or conditions our counterpart has.
“So… Spike the dog doesn’t have testicles, so Spike the Dragon turned dog also doesn’t have testicles.”
Sunset bit her lip.
“But that doesn’t mean anything for your dragon self, Spike. You’re fine!”
Spike rolled over, hiding what he was lacking. “I’d like to go home now,” said Spike.
“Of course!” said Starlight. “We can head back now.”
Sunset stared at them. “I’m sorry, Spike. I’m sure things will be okay.”
Spike walked into the portal, his tail tucked between his legs, hiding what wasn’t there.
The portal extruded him back into his normal dragon self. He probably should have savored being a dog more. At least he had had a penis. That was something. He stared down between his legs, and it was just as bare as ever.
He could hear Starlight coming through the portal.
“Spike, let’s talk a min—“
But Spike had already shut the door and scampered away.
Spike laid on his bed in his own room, clutching himself at where his masculinity should have been.
Sunset had tried to reassure him that he wasn’t neutered. That was just Twilight’s Dog. Not him. Not Spike the dragon.
But wasn’t he already neutered? He didn’t have testicles. Tartarus, he didn’t have a penis either.
But he was male! He’d get a penis someday. That was good news. It was okay. He was okay. He was not female! Wasn’t that a success? Wasn’t that exactly what he wanted?
But then why did it feel so much worse?
Because he wasn’t male yet.
He’d be male a few decades from now. It was a relief that that was the case. He probably should have been grateful to find out so quickly compared to every other dragon his age.
But he couldn’t stop thinking about that moment. He had felt such intense relief when he had seen his own penis staring back at him, and then the rush of horror of not having a pair. That was where the actual procreation capability happened, wasn’t it? He was male but he couldn’t have offspring?
What had they done to that poor dog Spike? That dog could talk now, right? How did he feel about not having any testicles?
Spike had been fine with the human world before this. The adventures there with Twilight had even been fun.
But now everything there felt tainted and terrifying.
If that’s what they did to their dogs, what would they do to a dragon?
Spike shivered.
What if Sunset had been lying, and the neutered Spike in the human world meant that he was completely infertile in this one?
One of the few things that had helped unpack his unresolved parent issues was the happy thought that someday he'd be different. It didn't matter what dragon culture was, he was going to raise his hatchlings the pony way: by actually being there.
What a shocking concept. Actually being there. And Spike was going to be an awesome father.
Except if he was infertile. Then no power of imagination could come up with young drakes of his own.
But did it really matter? He could help orphan dragons like him. He didn't have to be biologically related.
It sure would be nice if they were though.
Spike sighed.
What if the reason Spike was even a dog on the other side was because he was a baby dragon over here? Perhaps a century from now, if he walked through that portal he'd be a completely intact male human.
Were there human Celestia’s and Luna’s in the human world constantly reincarnating while the immortal princesses reigned in Equestria?
There were too many questions he didn't know the answer to.
Checking his sex in the human world was supposed to resolve all this gender angst, not exponentially multiply it.
Spike was not having a fun time playing Ogres and Oubliettes.
Pinkie, ever the silly bard, had managed to bring an entire enemy fortress to tears with a savage soliloquy of vicious mockery. Rainbow had snatched all the loot. And Big Mac had dragged Sugar Belle to today's O&O session, where they spent most of the time being too lovey dovey to care what was happening. It was frankly ridiculous.
And Discord was being Discord. At least he was nice enough to be the Dungeon Master for the last few months.
“You weren’t supposed to roll 5 20’s in a row Pinkie, that’s not how probability works at all,” said Discord.
“It’s not my fault the ogres got their feelings hurt so much they had to run home. They shouldn’t take everything so seriously.”
“Pinkie,” said Rainbow. “If I was an ogre, I think I would have collapsed on the spot. I know ‘Vicious Mockery’ is one of your spells, but sweet Celestia I didn’t know you could say such horrible things.”
“Is there still a fair maiden to rescue?” asked Big Mac.
“Yeah, I made this character sheet and everything,” said Sugar Belle.
Discord rolled a dice behind a piece of cardboard with an angry ogre on it. “Yes! You do. But… Big Mac make a perception check.”
“4,” said Big Mac.
“With that low roll, you do find the fair maiden, but she’s a…” Discord rolled some dice and then flipped a few pages in a book before landing on a species table. “Beautiful dragon!”
“Wait, but my character was supposed to be a pegasi,” said Sugar Belle.
“Yes!” said Discord. “But you’ve been cursed terribly by the ogre sorceress, Rezmerelickambrosia.”
“That is without a doubt, the worst name I have ever heard in my life,” said Spike.
“I’m making this up on the fly, okay!” said Discord. “And I still haven’t forgotten your wizard Urlumbriackistanley.”
“What’s wrong with those names?” asked Pinkie. “Personally I think Rezmerelickambrosia would make a great couple with Urlumbriackistanley. OOOH! If they got together we could call them Rezmerelickambrosiurlumbriackistanley. Or Reurl for short!”
“H—How in Equestria did you say those words with your mouth!?” asked Rainbow.
“Could you all focus!?” asked Big Mac. “Why has the fair maiden Treacle been cursed into a dragon?”
“Hold up a minute. Why is being a dragon a curse?” asked Spike.
Discord rolled some dice. “Yeah, the sorceress totally died, but she had to pass on all her magical powers before she passed and Treacle was the closest at the time. Sugar Belle, you can go ahead and give your character 5 levels in sorcery while in dragon form, but you can’t level up as a Cleric until you cure the curse.”
“Being a dragon isn’t a curse,” Spike mumbled quietly. Though perhaps it was a curse. What if the fair maiden had been pregnant? Would being turned into a dragon that hadn’t finished a century of puberty kill the foal inside her immediately?
Spike shook his head violently, as if knocking his head around would make the disturbing thought bounce away. Nopony had noticed him.
“No!” shouted Big Mac. “Treacle!? I’ll save you from this curse if it’s the last thing I do!”
“Weep not, Sir McBiggun! We’ll conquer this together!”
“And then our characters kiss,” said Big Mac. Sugar Belle blushed.
Spike would have gagged if he weren't so jealous.
“It’s a slightly different anatomy and Treacle isn’t used to having claws,” said Discord. “I’m gonna make you roll for it.”
“Seriously?” asked Big Mac. “12”
“Sugar Belle, roll 2d4 scratching damage.”
“WHAT!? Sir McBiggun only has 5 HP!” said Sugar Belle.
“2d4,” Discord smiled menacingly.
“Three,” eeped Sugar Belle. “And one. PHEW!”
“You almost killed me!” said Big Mac.
“Hey at least we got to kiss,” said Sugar Belle.
“You’ve been kissing all evening,” muttered Spike.
“AND END SESSION!” shouted Discord, making confetti and sparks fly out of his arms.
“Aww… I really wanted a Cleric,” said Pinkie.
“Soon,” said Discord, wrapping his talons and paws together menacingly. “Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!”
They all stared at him.
Discord coughed. “I haven’t had an evil laugh all session, I gotta do at least one.”
“Good game everypony!” shouted Pinkie. “Same time next week?”
“Sounds good to me!”
“Eeyup!”
“Sure.”
“Next week’s not great for me,” said Sugar Belle.
And so it went like that for another half hour. O&O always ended with an absurd amount of logistics and scheduling and banter and Spike could just not get himself to care at all about any of it.
He would have left early, but it was technically his house everyone was at and it felt too awkward to just disappear.
Why did every part of Big Mac have to be so big? Maybe dragon’s had been onto something with internal male genitals. It was just unseemly.
And yet why did Spike feel so envious? Knowing Big Mac, in sixty years he’d be a grandfather with over forty grandfoals and some great-grandfoals on the way.
All of which would be before Spike even finished puberty and had a chance to have a family of his own.
At least Discord had been kind enough to cover himself up with fur. As far as Spike could tell, Discord was modest in only that aspect of himself.
Eventually everypony had left but Discord who was still putting away an army of figurines of all kinds.
“Are you feeling well Spike?” asked Discord. “You didn’t really participate much today.”
Spike shook his head, “probably.”
Discord raised an eyebrow.
“I mean, uhh… yeah… I’m fine.”
Spike felt two disembodied hands lift him up into the air in front of Discord, who stared at Spike intently while stroking his own chin with the paw still attached to himself.
Discord shrugged and the hands disappeared, leaving Spike to plummet onto the floor.
“Ow!” shouted Spike.
“Yes, I guess you are fine. My mistake.”
Spike got up and dusted himself off. “Seriously Discord!? No! I’m not fine! You happy?”
“Really Spike? Lies!? Deception! It appears you were trying to get away with bamboozling me of all creatures.”
Spike cringed. “This really is not a subject I want to talk with you about at all.”
“Oh? And who would be better?”
Spike hunched low, “I don’t know. Maybe some old male dragon? It’s a dragon problem.”
“Hey, I’ll have you know I’m made up of quite a few creatures including dragon. This right leg for example,” the leg fell off with a pop, “is from my old buddy Pathos.”
“You stole those from creatures!?” asked Spike, horrified.
“I gave Pathos my original leg in return, and they like it very much, you can even ask them.”
“Wait, what? You still know this dragon?”
“Pathos? Of course! They can be a bit rough around the edges though. They don’t seem to like chaos very much I’m afraid. But they do have the most excellent leg. I could hug it I love it so much!”
And Discord did just that.
“Uhh… would it be alright if I talked to him?”
“Them,” corrected Discord. “They're nonbinary.”
“Oh,” said Spike. That was different than he had suspected. “Do you think I could meet h—them?”
“Whatever for?” asked Discord.
“I umm… have…” Spike brought his voice to a whisper, “puberty questions.”
“Say no more,” said Discord. “Even I don’t like that kind of chaos.”
Discord snapped his fingers.
Spike found himself in the deepest cave he had ever been to. Magma flowed freely around the rocks, lighting the entire cave up in a warm glow. He could feel the air pressure on him from above. Wherever this was had to be so far down below that no pony had been here in millennia.
“They should be awake,” said Discord. “Go ahead and clap your claws when you feel like coming home. Ta ta for now!”
And with that, Discord was gone.
Spike gulped. What had even just happened?
Spike breathed in and out, looking at the darkness all around him. Everything was so incredibly still except for deep, deep breathing up ahead.
All he had to do was clap and get home. It was going to be fine.
Spike started walking, nervousness in every step. He had hundreds of questions about his own body he was anxious to ask. And yet, none of them seemed to surface.
He just felt warm, naked and alone.
He kept walking until he came across the elder dragon.
The dragon was absolutely massive, as if their entire body spanned the cave they were in. Spike had seen mountains smaller than this dragon. Their entire body was covered in pristine emerald scales. The only exception being their right leg, which was the most massive pony leg Spike had ever seen. It even had a cutie mark on it, what kind it was though Spike couldn't make out in the darkness.
The great dragon opened an eye and stared at Spike. “SPEAK,” said the dragon, their deep, thunderous voice reverberating across the whole cavern.
Spike froze completely. What was he doing there? What was he even doing?
“YOUR NAME,” boomed the dragon.
“Umm... my name is Spike?” He could have kicked himself. Why did it have to sound like a question?
“YOU DO NOT KNOW,” said the dragon.
“Uhh… no... I mean uhhhhhhhh...” said Spike. Perhaps this wasn’t the best idea. How on earth was he supposed to get male advice from this dragon if he couldn't so much as say his own name.
The dragon breathed out an enormous purple flame, which hovered in the air for a moment before chasing Spike.
Spike bolted, screaming for his life. He had entirely forgotten to clap his claws in panic. The violet flames completely overtook him, enveloped him and… it felt like nothing.
Hundreds upon thousands of stray thoughts zipped past the surface of his mind in an instant. And just as quickly, the purple flame zoomed back to Pathos where it distinctly entered into their massive head.
The dragon closed their eyes and breathed deeply.
All was silent. Spike didn’t want to say anything and stood there awkwardly. He could have stood for hours like that.
“Who—who are you?” asked Spike.
“You have already been informed several times that my name is Pathos.”
“Oh, ha ha, right...” Spike said.
The dragon’s eyes narrowed. “Your pony upbringing hasn’t been kind to you. Why are you so preoccupied with masculinity? That’s unnecessary.” The great dragon’s head slightly tilted, which seemed to make the entire landscape around Spike go askew. “What is it you came here for, Spike?”
How did they know he was raised by ponies? “I… have questions about… about well… about being a dragon.”
Pathos nodded their head. Parts of Pathos’s scales reflected the glowing magma, which made it seem like tiny stars were bobbing up and down. “You certainly have quite a few questions here in your head. My my… what a unique but incredibly ignorant draconic life.”
“Do you— are you reading me?”
“Like a book, yes. That’s what I do. I read absolutely everyone. No one on this planet lives their life without me reading them at least once.”
“H—how?”
Pathos barely opened their mouth, shooting off a spark of orange flame which encircled itself and linked to a part of Equestria Spike had never seen. “Orange portal flame to get my magic where I want it to be,” said Pathos.
Then they shot off a purple flame. “Purple memory absorption flame to read memories.”
“And blue forgetfulness flame, to ensure that no one recalls my ever being there.” The blue flame went through the portal just as the orange flames dissipated, and the purple memory flame went into the great dragon’s head.
“There’s a lot more draconic magic where that came from too. I can do everything from down here.”
Spike gaped at them.
“But you didn’t come here for magic lessons, did you? Hmm? I’ll answer a few questions but it’ll take a very well worded one for you to keep your memories afterwards.”
Spike closed his eyes for a moment, trying to discombobulate everything swirling around. “Do you have any idea if I will someday be umm… well… male? With everything that entails?”
“Define ‘everything.’”
“Well— I really want to be male. Male male. I want what every stallion has. I want a sheathe, penis, scrotum, testicles—all the dangly bits. And someday have my own hatchlings and umm… all of that stuff that comes with being male.”
“Gender is inherently meaningless, but since you seem so distraught, very well. Given the potential of your vast age, if you’re male you’ll have a penis soon enough. Though your penis would stay inside and only come out during sexual activity. You won’t have a sheath like stallions do. Your testicles will be permanently and safely tucked away where no harm can come to them. And as far as a scrotum goes, it’s unnecessary since your testicles will be in your body.”
Pathos closed their eyes as if confident that every question had been thoroughly answered.
“But… that ummm… that sounds like I’ll just have my normal smooth scales except when ummm… I have sex.”
“Exactly.”
“So for the most part. I will be… pretty much the same as I am now.” Spike frowned
“You understand.”
Spike looked down and his frown deepened. “So I won’t have anything at a glance to prove I’m male to others?” Spike asked
“At a glance? With everyone? No, absolutely not. We dragons are better than those other creatures, we only show our penis in beautiful moments with a few lovers. Not flaunted around and certainly not all the time.”
Spike frowned, dragons weren’t better than other creatures but it was not worth arguing about here. “I guess that makes sense living among other dragons but uhh… How will other creatures know I’m male if I don’t have anything to show for it?”
“That isn't necessary. The only issue I’m finding is that you feel you need to show off you are male.”
Spike glanced down between his legs. “That… would be nice… yes.”
“Dragons don’t have anything external. And we’re better for it. None of that pesky pony business where genitals seem to over-define their culture and their ruling class.”
Spike had a lot to say against that, he would quite like being male in Equestria, but held his tongue. “Well, okay, so male dragons don’t have anything external to mark their sex. But can you at least tell me whether I’ll be male someday?”
“Time is the only way to know for certain. Every dragon is different. Give it a century or so and you’ll be sure to know by then.”
Their answer was like getting kicked in the stomach. His mind swam in a deluge of negativity. Not even this ancient dragon could know. One hopeful thought bubbled to the surface.
“I uhh… went to this alternate reality where umm… I was male there—m-mostly,” Spike quickly added. “Do you think that means I’ll be male here?”
“That world?” the dragon shrugged. “Alternate realities are just that: alternatives. I don’t think there is any correlation between sex in one world versus another.”
At this, Spike’s legs buckled from underneath him and he sat on the floor of the cave.
“You care about this a great deal. But sex doesn’t matter, and it continues to not matter.”
Spike frowned, it mattered quite a lot to him. What was the point of even coming here?
“Well, with that all settled. Do you finally accept who you are?”
Nothing was settled, Spike frowned and then looked down between his legs. And then he looked back at the dragon.
“No,” said Spike quietly.
“What?” Pathos retorted.
“I don’t feel like me.”
Pathos’s eye’s narrowed. “What is unacceptable?”
“I just... want to be male… sooner… and a bit more visually.”
“You aren't done growing. And it’s a 50% chance at being male, that’s good enough.”
“But even then I won't have anything external to show for it.”
Pathos growled. ”None of that matters. Gender doesn't matter. It has never mattered.”
Spike shivered, ”B-but it matters to me.”
Pathos narrowed their eyes at him.
“You are the byproduct of ponies; you have been irrevocably tainted,” they frowned.
The words felt like icicles were shooting down Spike's spine.
Spike tried to clap his claws but an electric blue flame was suddenly preventing them from moving.
“A few words of caution before you leave. You get to keep your memories, but never, ever tell any creature of my existence, besides Discord. Don't even hint at it.”
Spike gulped.
“Still, I wonder what you will become in the next few centuries. An abominable experiment still has results that need to be observed.”
He looked at Spike the same way Twilight looked at a particularly complicated spell.
“Goodbye young one,” said the massive dragon.
A tiny yellow flame burst out of Pathos’s mouth, absorbing into Spike’s head. An orange flame circled above Spike, forming a portal in the air.
The orange flame circled above him, and Spike could see the ceiling of his own room in the ring of flames. The ring dropped around him, enveloping Spike in his own room. The orange flames collapsed underneath Spike, removing the black rock and revealing the crystal floor of Twilight castle underneath.
Spike shook himself the moment he felt the dragons magic disappear.
Spike had an awful dream that night that he was a dog in the other world. Everything was fine until he stopped and moved his head down to examine himself. He was missing a crucial part of his body.
He sniffed as if the smell would reveal something. He reached down with his paws and grasped himself, as if he’d feel an invisible organ that would set this whole situation right. His testicles weren’t there and they were supposed to be. He whimpered. What had they done to him?
He woke up with his eyes wet and his claws wrapped tightly around his crotch. His claws kept fumbling around looking for anywhere his genitals were supposed to be, but all he felt was… nothing. Just smooth scales.
He whimpered and let the sad thoughts overtake him.
The follow-up visit with Starlight Glimmer went about as well as sticky grape jelly on a cat being thrown out a window. The cat would land on its feet, but would it regret that? When there was a nice ground to crash into oblivion into?
“Spike? Are you still there?”
Starlight was waving a hoof in front of his eyes.
Spike shook his head, trying to get thoughts of grape flavored cats out of his head.
“Y—yeah, I’m… uhh…”
Starlight looked at Spike expectantly.
Spike looked down between his legs, and then quickly moved his eyes elsewhere. There was a nice picture of a cat holding onto a branch. Was there a bit of purple smudged on that cat? Was that where he had gotten that idea from?
Starlight took a sip of tea.
“No, I’m not fine,” Spike finally said.
“That’s okay!” said Starlight. “I mean—to not be fine. Sometimes things are just uncomfortable.”
Spike stared between his legs. “I just… I was hoping for some closure with the whole human world thing.” In his head he also thought about Pathos, which had been uncomfortable, terrifying and a waste of time. “I mean—whatever happens… it’s going to be another eighty years. Another eighty years just like I am now. I mean, I’ll probably grow more but… I’ll still get called little girl. Nothing’s gonna change there.”
Starlight nodded.
“I mean—is it so weird that I’d like to have a dick like every other male in Ponyville?”
Starlight shrugged, “that makes a lot sense to me.”
“But it’s not like they just sell dicks at a store,” said Spike, staring between his legs.
“Only a very select few stores,” said Starlight.
Spink blinked and his eyes flitted back to Starlight for the first time in minutes. “What?”
“Twilight keeps you pretty out of the loop when it comes to sexual things, right?”
“I read that anatomy book Twilight got for me, it’s not like there’s more to sex than that.”
Starlight bit her lip. “Okay, you have been rather sheltered, and that’s probably a good thing seeing as how your own sexual maturity won’t happen for a while. So… err… suffice it to say that yes, there are places you may be able to buy a dick… a strap-on set of masculinity if you will. What I’m trying to get at here is: would you like an artificial set of genitals? Would that make you feel more comfortable?”
Spike’s claws tightened around his knees.
“A… a fake set? I don’t even know what that would look like? Much less… I… I don’t know.”
Spike blushed, imagining a comically large plastic penis suddenly attached between his legs that made it hard for him to walk.
“I suppose you may need to see some examples before you can make that kind of decision. But I can also say that these sorts of things are popular for mares transitioning into stallions. You’ve probably seen a few before and not noticed.”
Spike paid far more attention to stallions than was probably okay. There were artificial dicks and he couldn’t tell a difference? “Transitioning?” asked Spike.
“Well… it’s a bit like what you are going through. Your current biological reality is up in the air, but you would like for other creatures to recognize you pass as being male. And you love the idea of being male, correct?"
Spike nodded.
“Well, there are mares that transition to be stallions. And vice-versa—there are stallions that transition to become mares.”
“Wait, so if there’s mares that want to be stallions, and stallions that want to be mares. Can’t some unicorn just swap body parts and make everypony happy?”
Starlight’s face went red, “That’s not how biology works. At all. But spells certainly do help with the transition process. And the genitals aren’t often the hardest part. It’s mostly surgeries to make a muzzle more masculine or feminine. As well as a ton of vocal practice to sound right.
“At least that’s how it is for transitioning ponies. You probably don’t need to go to any extremes. Perhaps just… try on some penises and see if that makes you feel more comfortable.”
Spike’s first thoughts were of some strange contraption attached to his groin. He frowned at the idea. But then he looked at it differently. He could be male. He could be male outwardly in the way that a century from now he hoped he would be inwardly. It was a surprisingly happy thought, up until the moment he stepped outside his bedroom door to see looks of shock from absolutely every creature.
“I don’t think I could wear something like that in public,” Spike blushed.
“I know it might take a bit of getting used to, but if it makes you more comfortable with yourself, it might be worth a shot.”
“But it would look really, really weird,” Spike rubbed the back of his neck.
“I’m gonna let you in on a secret that only mares know,” said Starlight conspiratorially. “Are you ready?”
Spike nodded.
“ALL dicks look really weird. They just do. You getting an artificial one isn’t going to look any less weird than all those other ones.”
“Yes, but male dragons don’t have dicks, at least not outward ones.”
“Absolutely nopony even knows that though. If a dragon walked into Ponyville with male genitals, nopony would bat an eye. Literally every other male species trotting around Ponyville has one, so it shouldn’t be a problem at all.”
“Yes… but… I…” Spike was running out of excuses. It was such a ludicrous proposition. But why did the idea of being outwardly male, even artificially, feel so pleasant? What was wrong with him?
“I mean, if you feel like it wouldn’t make you feel more comfortable, I’ll drop it. But I think at least trying something on may do you some good.”
“I… I could at least try something on,” said Spike.
Starlight smiled, “Let’s get you feeling like the gender you are.”
Starlight had taken him away from Canterlot station and into a part of the city he had never seen before. It was Canterlot’s usual enigmatic winding roads and shops. And Spike was feeling extremely nervous about this particular outing.
“Uhh… Starlight, have you been to this shop before?” asked Spike as he walked along the road with her.
“Not really, I’ve heard it mentioned from some friends of mine who transitioned. And he let me know that it was somewhere in this part of the city. We’re looking for a shop called ‘Elegant Preferences.’”
“So have you been to this part of the city at all?” said Spike. Something about being this nervous made him really need to get to a bathroom.
“Nope.”
“Ah, alright,” Spike said, as they continued walking along. What was with cities and there not being any bathrooms anywhere!?
Spike spotted one of the royal guards ahead. They were usually good to have information about whatever part of the city they were in. Spike walked up to the guard. “Umm… excuse me sir, do you know where the bathrooms are in this part of town?”
The stallion stared at Spike for a moment, and pointed a hoof at one of the shops. “The fillies room is in that pharmacy in the back of the store.”
“No—I mean the uhh…” Spike tried to say, but it didn’t come out right at all. He should have just said ‘stallions room’ and this problem would have been solved. But it didn’t matter, if a store had a mare’s room, it would have a stallion's room.
A few minutes later, Spike was more refreshed. He was also chewing gum because the store required that he spend something in order to use the bathrooms and the single bit required for the gumball machine was the cheapest thing he could buy.
When had Canterlot become so absolutely terrible? I mean—it’s a bathroom. Surely the societal good of free bathrooms outweighed the madness of requiring spending to use them. A part of him wanted to write a message on the toilet paper and send it to Celestia, demanding a royal decree of free bathrooms.
He was lucky that he had only accidentally sent Celestia toilet paper once. And he was more lucky that the sneeze had happened before he had used it.
Spike shook his head violently. It was just another embarrassing thought from the archive.
And now he was about to face so many more.
“I think this is it,” said Starlight, standing in front of a rather nondescript shop.
Spike stared at the storefront. It was white with elegant lettering on the shop sign. Posters on the outside showed happy stallions and mares chatting amicably. It really could have been advertising anything.
“Spike, I’m going to go inside and check a few things out before I have you come in with me. That okay?”
“Uhh… alright,” Spike said.
Starlight entered the shop, a small bell announced her arrival.
Spike stood outside, awkwardly examining the posters for the shop. There were ponies playing volleyball, swimming, practicing dentistry. Two mares were smiling while enthusiastically hugging each other. Spike didn’t know quite what to make of that poster.
There were quite a few ponies milling around and Spike paced back and forth a little more ways away from the shop.
Miraculously, the door finally opened and Starlight nodded for Spike to come in. The front of the store was very small, with white paint all over the place and various streaks of color filling in little rectangles every so often.
“Is this Spike?” asked someone. Spike turned his head and saw a unicorn that—well… Spike wanted to call her a mare, but he wasn’t quite sure. She had a beard with glitter all over it, but she did not have sheath so... what did that mean exactly?
“Yes, this is him,” smiled Starlight.
“Welcome to Elegant Preferences, Spike. My name is Elegance, nice to meet you,” he (she?) put out a hoof.
“Nice to meet you too,” said Spike. To his relief Spike saw a button on Elegance’s vest saying ‘she/her’ pronouns. He could use a similar button too.
“Let’s all sit over here for a moment,” said Elegance, leading them to a few couches at the front of the store. “I like to make sure our clients are comfortable. Can I get you some tea?”
“No thank you,” said Spike. He was pretty sure he would spill it the way he was feeling right now.
“I’ll take some tea!” said Starlight.
Well if Starlight was going to get tea then he might as well get some too? But it was too late to say anything. Why did Starlight take the tea offer? What is wrong with her? Spike shook his head.
A minute later Elegance and Starlight were sipping on tea, while Spike sat on his claws, trying not to be nervous. Which of course made him more nervous. He really wanted to go to the bathroom, but he had just gone less than ten minutes ago so it was really just nerves.
“Spike, just to confirm. What is your age?” asked Elegance.
“Twenty-two.”
“Alright,” nodded Elegance. “I'd like to get to know where you are on your personal journey. Starlight says you are interested in a packer.”
“A... Packer?”
“Yes, oh, you may not be familiar with the term. It's a male set of prosthetic genitals, usually for mares exploring transitioning into stallions. Do you understand?”
Spike nodded.
"Is there any other gender affirming care you're looking for? I know a great vocal coach."
"Uhh... I think my voice is already in a good spot," said Spike.
"It doesn't look like you have hair so I'm assuming facial hair isn't something you're interested in?"
"I-- huh..." said Spike. He did have a rather silly beard we wore for O&O games. And he did look spectacular with a mustache. "Uhh... not right now, but I'll keep that in mind for the future."
"And I take it you're just exploring right now, so no muzzle or other surgeries to plan for quite yet?"
"No, no surgeries. Just umm... gonna uhh... try things out."
“Alright then, do you have any ideas for what kind of packer you're looking for?”
Spike coughed, “uhh… well… umm… I’d like something.”
Elegance waved her hoof, gesturing for him to continue.
Spike blushed. “Something uhh… dragon-like?”
Elegance furrowed her eyebrows. “Can you describe that?”
“Uhh…” Spike said. “To be honest, no... I have no idea.”
It was silent for a few moments.
“I can work with that,” said Elegance. “It sounds like you may need to see our stock. Perhaps that would be helpful?”
Spike nodded, not sure what he was agreeing to.
“Okay,” said Elegance. “Follow me.”
The wall at the front of the store hid the back room which was full of—there was no other way to describe this—dicks. Of all kinds. They all had different colors. Some were just sheathes with balls. Some with just balls. Some that were quite erect. And some were larger than even Big Mac’s.
There were vulvas too, but those were less important to him.
Starlight took a quick glance around the room, and then rooted herself to the back wall. Spike wanted to run out of the room screaming, but he somehow kept his cool.
“Look over some of these, Spike,” said Elegance. “I can make whatever color you would prefer. Just give me an idea of what you might be comfortable wearing.”
Spike steered himself to a section of some of the smallest sets. After a few moments he was staring at a few that had a sheath and balls.
“Umm… maybe one of these?” Spike said, a question forming in his voice.
“Feel free to grab whichever one you’d like and try them on like you would any other article of clothing.”
Spike frowned, grabbing the smallest set on the rack. It was squishy in his claws, which sent shivers down his spine. He shouldn’t be there. What was he thinking? This was ridiculous.
Spike took the set and then put it down below between his legs where he thought it should be.
“There’s a small magical adhesive that’ll keep it in place. You can attach it, it’s okay.”
Spike felt the set attach. And it was… awkwardly wonderful.
He took a few steps, feeling the weight of the testicles between his legs. The sheath attached itself to a little under his belly, which was a bit more upright than he had expected. Though if he was a stallion that was standing up, this is what a sheath would do.
Spike paced around the room, feeling the way his balls slightly swayed, and how his legs brushed against the scrotum with every step.
Spike made his way to a mirror at the edge of the room. He stared at himself for quite some time. The set was a garish hot pink, and the testicles still seemed too large for himself, though the sheath felt very comfortable against his lower stomach.
“Wow,” said Spike. An odd feeling of being whole—a completeness swept over him. It felt so natural, so right for him to have this. He felt so comfortable with the weight down there exactly where it should be.
“That is quite the smile, Spike,” said Elegance. ”Helping others experience gender euphoria is incredible.”
Gender euphoria? He had never heard the term before but... Wow. That... This must be it. It felt so calming and comforting to finally be outwardly the way he felt inwardly. Spike nodded.
“I am so glad you love it, but feel free to test it a little more. Is that the set for you?”
He reached down, cupping himself, feeling everything. And the comfortable feelings faded into a gnawing sensation that this was close but not quite right. The texture didn’t fit a dragon at all. It was a set for a stallion and it had that fleshy quality to it. He needed something with similar scales to his own. This felt like it was about right, but so much wasn’t quite right.
“What do you think?” asked Elegance.
“I—I like it!” said Spike. “But uhh… I’ll need some modifications. Do you have a smaller set of testicles, but same sheath size? And do you think you can make some scales for it, preferably in a light green like me?”
“That all sounded doable up until the scales,” frowned Elegance. “Off the top of my head I can think of a few materials that may work for scales. But that would require a few trips back and forth to make something custom.”
“How many trips?” asked Spike.
“That depends,” said Elegance. “Where are you all from?”
“Ponyville,” said Starlight, eager to offer something of value to the conversation.
“Ah, Ponyville has a great mare to work with on custom genital services. Hold on, let me get you her card.”
Spike breathed out. He was going to have to go through this with another mare? Why weren’t there any actual stallions that worked with fake stallion genitals!? Though the more Spike thought about it, Elegance probably used to be a stallion. Which, was wonderful for her. But he couldn’t help but think about how that transition might’ve gone. He thought of the neutered Spike in the human world and clenched his eyes together. He reached down, expecting his own smooth scales.
To his shock, he was still wearing the genitals so there actually was something there to touch. It felt completely relieving to have something there. It was like having physical evidence that he was male, and… okay? He felt calmer having a set of his own. He was so used to stallions walking around every day. But now… he had a set too. If only they were actually his set. The transition from scales to whatever pony thing he was wearing was too much contrast.
Spike shook his head.
Spike looked up and saw Elegance enter the room. Creatures are different, and have very different perspectives and preferences, and that was okay.
Elegance held aloft in front of him a completely violet card with white lettering.
“This is the mare you should talk to,” said Elegance. “She has done absolutely fabulous work in the past. I daresay a real leader in the field. If any pony could tackle a scaly version of what you’re looking for, she’ll be the mare.”
Elegance hoofed the card to Spike. To his horror, the card said “Rarity’s Boutique: Custom Gender Solutions.”
Elegance graciously ushered them out of the store, extolling the virtues of genitals made by Rarity. She gave Spike a small bag containing precise measurements of what he had tried on and liked the most, some flyers for transpony meetups in Canterlot, as well as some tiny gummies in the shape of male genitals.
Spike wasn’t quite sure what to make of that. The gummies did taste good though.
On the train ride home, Spike stared out at the outside landscape, watching Equestria zoom by.
They had both made a trip to a book shop on the way out of Canterlot. And Starlight was completely enthralled by some book about fantastical unicorns.
Spike wanted to say something to Starlight but she seemed so preoccupied. It was only when she muttered something under her breath that she noticed Spike was staring at her.
“Is the book that good?” asked Spike.
Starlight blinked and stared back at Spike. “It is completely unrealistic. Magic does not behave like that at all. It's like this author is an Earth Pony that has never talked to a Unicorn in her life. Teleportation doesn't work like that at all,” Starlight rolled her eyes.
“That’s...” Spike struggled to find a proper way to empathize, “rough.”
“Yeah, at least the characters are good. But I swear they're just setting up the protagonist’s nice dad to end up being either secretly evil, or to be killed off. Why can't the nice characters ever stay nice? Nice ponies in real life stay nice.”
“Right,” said Spike.
Starlight nodded.
“Well, I just wanted to let you know how grateful I am for your help through this, Starlight. You didn't have to do all this.”
Starlight looked up from her book. “Don't mention it! It's the least I could do after traumatizing you in the human world. That sure backfired.”
Spike nodded. “I appreciate it. Though, if it's okay with you, can I go to Rarity's on my own? I don't need you to come this time. I think I can handle it.”
“You sure?” asked Starlight. “I don't mind helping you through this. I am a counselor y’know. And I can counsel you through your fears and encourage you to go through with it.”
“I think I can handle it.”
“Can you?”
“Yeah, why would I not be?” Spike said, his face reddening.
“Hmmm... I just don't want you chickening out of doing something that puts you on the path of being happier. What did she call it again? Gender euphoria? I haven't seen you that happy before.”
Spike hesitated. It was going to be quite awkward going to Rarity's. He wasn't even quite sure how to imagine Rarity measuring him and everything.
“I see that look on your face. You're not planning on going?”
Spike blushed. Why did it feel like Starlight could read his mind?
Starlight sighed. “I'm not going to make you go, Spike. But well... as your counselor I highly recommend it. And as your friend, I would love to see you that much happier all the time.”
“I... I'll think about it. I really will,” said Spike. He put a claw under his chin and stared out the window.
Why did being happy have to involve going to such weird places physically and psychologically?
After a good night’s rest (Ha! Like that was even possible), Spike meandered his way to Carousel Boutique.
And promptly chickened out.
His next appointment with Starlight wasn’t for another two weeks. That gave Spike some time to go through several iterations of chickening out.
What if Rarity couldn’t figure out how to make scales? What if she made a bunch of embarrassing comments as she measured him? What if she is horrified that a dragon would even want her services? What if she’s uncomfortable about it because Spike had had a crush on her for so long?
Why did it have to be Rarity? Of all ponies!
Spike slowly wandered back near the school of friendship. He didn’t particularly need to be there anytime soon. The next time he was needed to substitute was three days from then. There was probably some administrative work to do if he asked.
“Hey Spike!” Gabby said, her talon clapping down on his left shoulder.
Spike nearly jumped out of scales. She had come out of nowhere. “Hey Gabby.”
She landed in front of him, feathers ruffled, bags full of mail and packages. Spike always had to glance away from seeing Gabby directly. She was just so stunningly beautiful that he was scared to look at her for very long before he’d start to blush. He avoided looking directly into her eyes by staring at her beak. That way he could talk with her normally without falling into thoughts about how much he had a crush on her.
“You’re looking a little down, is something wrong? It’s not like you to walk everywhere.”
“Oh!” said Spike unfurling his wings. “I guess I just didn’t think about flying.”
“Huh, that’s different,” said Gabby. “I still need to finish my route, but if you’re up to it you can fly with me if you want.”
His heart beat a little faster. “Yeah! I got nothing but time this morning.”
She squawked in delight and jumped up in the air, flapping her wings at the highest point of her jump.
Spike took off, and in moments they were flying next to each other, darting around to all the little mailboxes scattered across Ponyville.
“So, is there something eating you?”
Spike shook his head, it was way too early in the conversation to go into his problems. “Kinda, but let me hear how you’re doing first. How have you been lately?”
“Me? Same old same old. Though you would not believe the things I’ve had to tell Grandpa Gruff can’t be shipped to Ponyville for Gallus.”
“Like what?”
“The first time he asked to send packages, he came to the post office with an entire griffon skeleton. I wasn’t going to ask him where he got a griffon skeleton but he went through this long story about his dead father and how useful it was to have a skeleton around for anatomy reference. And that Gallus would clearly need a skeleton to decorate his dorm room. He apparently was also using it like how most ponies use refrigerator magnets to put up notices and other odds and ends.”
They landed and Gabby plucked out a few letters, rifled through them, and then put one in a mailbox.
“Well anyway,” Gabby continued. “He asked what was the best way to ship a skeleton through the mail, and the right way to package it. And we just had to iterate our company policy that we do not ship body parts of sapient creatures. I don’t think that policy even exists, but Greta came up with that excuse really fast.”
“That’s… kind of insane. Does Grandpa Gruff have dementia or something?”
“You’d think? But I think he might just be eccentric or something. I mean, he’s wanted me to send encyclopedia sets, a mountain of old board games, a toilet, several cursed objects—and we’ll ship most things but you can’t tell us specifically that it’s cursed because that’s against policy, especially after what happened to poor Giles.”
“Wait, back up? A toilet?”
“Yeah,” said Gabby, plunging another piece of mail into a mailbox. “A male griffon toilet.”
“What in tartarus is a male griffon toilet?”
“I’ve never used one myself. But it’s like this oddly shaped big bowl that can be installed in a wall and is apparently designed to make it easier to pee for male griffons? Toilets in griffonstone can get surprisingly fancy.”
“Did Gallus even want a toilet?”
“See, that’s where I had the hardest time trying to get him to talk. Pretty much every crazy object that Grandpa Gruff tries to send, Gallus will reject it outright. Which can be super aggravating to carry back and forth all the way. I had gotten smarter by the time that Grandpa Gruff tried to send the toilet. So I had him wait a week so I could talk to Gallus first about it.”
Gabby had to pause for thirty seconds as she looked over a few pieces of mail and figured out where to go next on her route.
“So I told Gallus about the toilet and he just said no and got really flustered. And then I told him that it was okay if he really needed a toilet, it was nothing to be embarrassed about. I wouldn’t have pressed the issue but most crazy things Grandpa Gruff tries to send he outright refuses, but this time he gave one of those awkward no’s you give when you’re hiding something. So I said to him: ‘Gallus, you got a griffon penis, it’s okay if you have different needs than other creatures at that school.’”
Spike blushed. There was a lull in the conversation as Gabby delivered one of the larger packages she had been carrying, and had the mare of the residence sign for it.
“So then what happened?”
“So Gallus didn’t want to talk about his penis. And he got really embarrassed about the whole thing and just kept saying no. Eventually he was all: ‘I just mentioned in a letter that pony toilets were different from griffon toilets and now Grandpa Gruff wants to send a toilet. I don’t need it. I’m okay.’ And so I dropped the subject.
“Though in all honesty, we probably could have shipped that toilet. I mean—it’s not like Gallus is going to be the last male griffon that attends that school. And there aren’t nearly the variety of toilets for ponies as there are for other creatures so it actually might be useful, especially for such a multi-species school like Princess Twilight’s running. Just for accessibility’s sake, you know? Then again, I don’t know what it’s like to be a boy, maybe it’s not a big deal at all. I dunno, would you want a male toilet, Spike?”
“Well,” Spike blushed. “I’m not sure I really know what one looks like? And besides I’m not really… umm… equipped like a male griffon is, yet.”
Gabby glanced at Spike, “yet?”
Spike’s heart skipped a beat. He wasn’t ready to have this conversation with her yet. In fact he was rather grateful to not have external genitals around her because if Big Mac next to Sugar Bell was any indication, Spike wouldn’t have been able to help himself but get an erection while being near Gabby.
“Well… uhh…” stammered Spike.
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
She had given him an out and Spike desperately wanted to take it. But another part of him really wanted the advice.
“Dragon’s don’t normally have anything external showing they are male or female. In fact, I probably still have quite a few decades before I get those organs growing even internally.”
"Oh," said Gabby as she put another letter in a mailbox. She briefly glanced between his legs before moving on. Spike didn’t know whether to be more embarrassed that he didn’t have anything, or if in a hypothetical other reality he’d be more embarrassed if he had some fake contraption down there.
“This actually may be a good chance to get your opinion on something,” Spike said.
Gabby nodded, grabbing another letter from her mail bag.
“I’ve been feeling real uncomfortable lately because every other male creature has a penis and the whole set and all. And I… well I don’t, and I won’t grow anything like that for a very long time. Would it be weird if just strapped on a fake set down there?”
“A fake set of what?”
“Y’know… male stuff.”
Gabby shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”
“And…?”
“And what?”
“It’s not weird that I’d be wearing a fake set?”
“It’s definitely different, but not weird. Every male has one, so it’s not something to be embarrassed about.”
Spike nearly stopped flapping his wings he was smiling so broadly.
“It’s really okay!?” he asked.
“Of course,” said Gabby. “You boys get so weird when you’re talking about penises.”
“It happens,” said Spike, rubbing the back of his neck.
“So how are you gonna get a fake penis anyway?”
“I think it might be a secret, so promise not to tell any creature, okay?”
“Sure,” said Gabby, putting some more mail in a slot.
“I went to Canterlot to this place and they actually recommended I go to this other place and… well… let me just show you the card.”
They paused delivering mail as Spike handed the card over to her.
Her eyes went wide, “Rarity?”
“I know! Right!? Out of absolutely any pony it could have been it had to be Rarity?”
“She’s a mare though, how does she make fake ones?”
“RIGHT!? I have no idea. I was supposed to go earlier but I chickened out. It’s just embarrassing, you know?”
“Yeah, I can imagine that being uncomfortable. But hey, if you want to feel more masculine you can’t do much better than getting a penis.”
Spike nodded, “I guess! Yeah!”
Gabby didn’t object or anything. In fact, she was supportive. Spike smiled, relieved that he had another friend to confide in about all this.
“So what else has Grandpa Gruff tried to send Gallus?” Spike asked.
And their conversation continued all the rest of Gabby’s mail route.
7. “How big would you like your testicles to be, darling?”
The next day, Spike stood in front of Carousel Boutique, breathed in and out, and then went through the front doors. A chime rang and Rarity came out of the back room.
“Welcome to Carouse—oh! Spike! It’s so good to see you? How are you doing?”
“Hello Rarity,” Spike said, with far more confidence than he imagined he would. Perhaps this wouldn’t turn out so bad after all.
“I wasn’t expecting you, but would you like to help out with some things that I’m working on?”
“I would,” said Spike. “But that’s not the reason I came in.”
“Oh?”
Spike gulped, “I think I may be a potential client for your umm… other business. I got your card from a mare in Canterlot named Elegance, and you are highly recommended.” Spike pulled out the card and showed it to her.
Her eyes widened momentarily before going back to Spike. “Well this is quite a surprise. How long have you been looking to transition?”
Spike shrugged, “Quite a while, err… well… I’m not sure I’d call it transition. I’ve felt very off for quite a while but only recently thought I could do something about it.”
“Well, come along then, let’s discuss this over some tea. You sit on that sofa over there. And I’ll be along shortly.”
Three minutes later Spike was sitting on the same absurdly comfortable couch that Rarity kept at the side of the store, sipping on some very well spiced tea.
“I have other clients that may come and interrupt us. If somepony enters the shop, I’ll stop the conversation immediately. I would like to be as discrete as possible for you, since we’re speaking about such sensitive matters. And Spike?”
Spike blinked.
“There’s no need to be embarrassed about anything. I’ve helped dozens of stallions to get the look they want, or enhance the look that they have. Every creature should have the right to feel completely comfortable about themselves in every way. And I’m grateful that I can help you as you become more comfortable with yourself.”
Spike nodded.
“Alright then, with that preamble out of the way, can you tell me a little history about what you’re looking for and why, and how I may be of assistance?”
Spike breathed in and out. “Well, I guess the short answer is that I umm… would like to be more masculine.”
Rarity nodded.
“And… well… I found out that dragons don’t actually reach sexual maturity for a century or so after their hatching.”
“A century!?” asked Rarity, her teacup had wobbled in her magic.
“Yeah,” sighed Spike. “And it’s nearly impossible to know what sex I’ll actually become. But I really, really, want to be male, even though I won’t know if I’m actually male or not for quite some time.
“There’s very few creatures alive right now I’ll ever… well… I’ll ever…” Spike’s eyes watered and he shook his head trying to shake that feeling away. “I won’t be having a family anytime soon, that’s all. I have a long life in front of me, it just won’t be with any creature I know personally right now.
Why was he bringing this up!? What was wrong with him? Rarity had set down her tea.
“And well…” Spike continued. “I think that’s why I’m looking into something that makes me more male. There’s a lot of things I can’t control. But I can at least fit in a lot more with the guys, even though there’s so much different about me.”
Spike felt himself plucked off the couch in Rarity’s magic as she embraced him completely. She felt so warm and kind and he was right to have a crush on her for so long.
“I’m glad you came in, Spike. I’m so sorry that you’re going through so much right now, that sounds like awful news.”
“It… it is,” Spike spoke softly, fortunately the brief moment his eyes had watered was gone.
“I think I can help with one of your problems though! Are you ready to dive in?”
Spike nodded.
“Alright darling, I am going to make you fabulous!” said Rarity, pulling out a magazine-like booklet and a notepad.
“Not too fabulous,” said Spike, thinking of the hot pink set he had tried on in Canterlot. “I’d like it to look natural.”
“Yes, nothing too flashy, I take it? What kind of set do you think is natural for a dragon to have?”
“Male dragons don’t have penises, or testicles. Well they do,” Spike quickly added. “But it’s all internal, even as adults. So… it’s not really something that exists at all.”
“Natural, but mythical,” said Rarity, putting a hoof to her muzzle.
“Yeah, if male dragons did have external genitals—if I had a set, I’d like it to look like that.”
“Hmm… this is an interesting design challenge then. I’ll tell you what Spike, let me get some measurements, some photos, and then we’ll ideate together this time tomorrow, does that sound okay?”
Spike sat back, “Photos?”
“Yes, I’m going to need good photos in order to compare and design this just right. And don’t worry, I have my own private photo lab that will handle all this with discretion.”
Spike nodded. “Oh! I almost forgot, Elegance in Canterlot gave me some measurements,”
Spike grabbed that paper out of his bag and handed it to Rarity.
“This will be very good to know. Though I’ll take some more measurements just to double check. Now, follow me.”
They made their way upstairs, the normal place that Rarity worked on dresses was the first door on the left. To Spike’s surprise she took him to a room on the right he had always assumed was some kind of supply closet. It was not.
“It’s not as big as the dress room, I’m afraid,” said Rarity as they entered her other workshop.
The wall was floor to ceiling full of little drawers of all kinds with labels on them like silicone, resin, filament, dyes of many colors, and more. A surprisingly accurate stallion and mare ponnequin was on one side of the room. As well as a large full scale mirror. And a bulletin board with many different pictures of pony genitals of all kinds thumbtacked onto it.
“Wow, Rarity,” said Spike. “I had no idea this was even here. Why do you keep this all a secret?”
“Oh! It’s not a secret, Spike. It’s just a secret to you… and most ponies. I try to be discreet about how I advertise my services as my clients prefer prudence as well. And the market for dresses is quite a lot more than custom sets. Now stand still and tall.”
She pointed a rather large camera at him, taking pictures from the front, and the side.
“Now, I’m going to be taking pictures where your genitals will most likely be, is that alright with you?”
“That’s fine,” said Spike, smiling. This was actually happening!
She took quite a few pictures with his legs open in various positions. When she was done she brought out a measuring tape and began measuring and writing down dozens of numbers. He was grateful he had cleaned thoroughly down there before coming over.
“What got you into making penises for ponies anyway?”
“I had had a client come in asking for a custom suit, and before his transition he was quite uncomfortable with all the clothing I had him try on. After a lot of questioning why, the root problem turned out to be that he didn’t feel like himself. So I looked into what I could and made him a custom set of stallion genitals, to wear at first.
“My work is a close approximation of what the ponies in question want. And after some time wearing them and confirming their new lifestyle, they may go on to get surgery to make things more official. Or they may wear my designs around the rest of their lives. Or just for special occasions. I’ve had clients of all kinds. I suspect that you’ll be the kind of client that will just want to wear this all the time?”
Spike thought about it, “yeah, surgery doesn’t sound the best for me. Especially since doctors in Equestria know nothing about dragon biology. And I still think the safest spot for my real organs is inside my body.”
“Really, you still would prefer internal, then why do you want these external ones so badly.”
“It sounds strange… but I want both. Mammalian testicles always look like such a target the way they dangle around, so I can see why dragons keep it all internal. But… when it’s internal there’s no way to signal to every creature else that I am male. And it’s just one more thing that makes me different.”
“I see,” said Rarity, who was rolling up the measuring tape as Spike back down. “You’ll certainly fit in with most Equestrians as mammals tend to dominate here. But will you have some explaining to do if you visit the dragon lands?”
“Couldn’t I just take it off beforehand when I go over there? Part of the reason I want this is so I can fit in. I’d like to be able to fit in with dragons too.”
“You need to be able to take it on and off at will, is that what I’m hearing?” asked Rarity, who was already scribbling that info down on her notepad.
“Ideally, yeah. I’m sure I’d wear it most of the time though.”
“Hmm… my adhesion spells and materials don’t work the best when you take it off and on all the time. What would you say to visiting me every time you need to visit the dragon lands or any other occasion you need to avoid wearing it?”
Spike rubbed his chin. “That should be doable.”
What was he thinking, he was going to wear it everywhere? Shopping? Canterlot? The castle? The school!? He shook his head. Tartarus yes everywhere!
“Excellent darling! Now, I have some homework for you to do before we meet tomorrow. I want you to thumb through this catalog and pick out any penises, sheaths, and scrotums that you think might be good fits for you. Most are very equine, but it might give you an idea of what you want.”
Spike stared at the magazine, “Are you sure this is what you want me to look through? A gardening magazine?”
“Open it up, darling.”
“Oh,” said Spike his eyes widening at the catalogue hidden inside.
“There’s also paper as well. I know you aren’t much of an artist, but if you feel inspired to try sketching some ideas based on your favorites, that may help.”
Spike blushed, imagining drawing dozens of penises on paper. “I don’t suppose you have something a little more fireproof? I don’t want to accidentally sneeze and send all this to Celestia.”
Rarity nodded, enveloping the magazine and papers in an azure glow. “You’re lucky I know this fire-proofing spell. I’ve been casting it on my dresses for only a few months now.”
“You enchant your dresses?”
“Well of course, I have quite the set of spells I run every dress through. I can’t prevent stains from forming, but I can at least offer some protection for a few days after purchase.”
“Wow Rarity, that’s amazing!” Spike knew Twilight and Starlight were good at magic, but had no idea that Rarity knew more than just levitation.
“Why thank you, Spike. Now, go on home and look though the catalog and I’ll see you in the morning.”
Spike spent most of his evening in his room with the catalog open, staring at penises and sheaths and scrotums of all kinds, and absolutely none of them felt quite like they belonged on his body.
Probably because he skewed a bit younger? No, he was twenty-two. He was a baby dragon but the age of an adult stallion who could already have responsibly fathered a foal or two.
The worries mostly came down to what size would lead to the least amount of reactions.
The more he thought about it, the more this whole thing would have to be gradual. He couldn't just walk outside with nothing down there one day and the next day completely out there. Could he?
Maybe the strategy to take would be to make a small set at first and work his way up to a bigger size. So... have about four sets of these? Maybe?
That seemed overly taxing on Rarity's time. How much would she charge this for him anyway?
Knowing Rarity, she'd probably be super generous and do it for free. But he couldn't take advantage of her generosity to the point of asking for four different packers to be exchanged every month or so, could he?
He did like the idea of the gradual transition. He could make it look like another part of dragon puberty.
Then again, his wings had magically formed within minutes—a quite bizarre turn of events all things considered. If dragons could grow wings in less than a few minutes, would anypony even bat an eye if he walked outside sporting a full set?
Ponies had mentioned the wings and congratulated him on them. There wasn't much to really congratulate on, it was just a natural biological process. Twilight had earned her wings, Spike just grew them because that's what dragons go through.
Spike gave a gentle flap of his wings. Did he really deserve them? Or any of his other limbs? How about being alive at all? Spike shook his head. He tried to avoid thinking that deep. Life wasn't about “deserving” anything. No creature deserved anything. But he was going to live life in a way that made him happy. And that was okay!
It was okay to be himself.
And it was okay to be male.
Spike flipped through a few more pages and wrote down a few page numbers of a few sheaths and scrotums that might be worth exploring.
Rarity ended up being too busy the next day to meet with Spike. A rather large order had come in that needed to be completed as soon as possible. So the soonest they could meet was two days from then. That worked out fine as Twilight had several errands for him to run anyway.
Before leaving, he searched through his things. He didn't have much in the way of clothing as like every creature in Ponyville he was nude most of the time. But he did have a pair of shorts he could wear.
It was a bit odd, wanting to wear clothes. But it may be a good alibi to use in the future. Why was Spike wearing shorts for two weeks? Afterwards he could say he was going through puberty.
Could he really say that!?
Okay, he had to keep his story straight. If anypony asked him about the shorts, while he was wearing the shorts, he could just say he liked them and wanted to wear them.
Ponyville was more “clothing-optional" than “clothing forbidden” after all. And Spike was sure some ponies wore clothes when they were dealing with any kind of problem down there.
So that would be the plan for today. And perhaps a few weeks from now when he was sporting a full set of masculinity, ponies might just think that Spike was growing a pair surreptitiously while his body adjusted.
That had to be a good route to take.
The next day as Spike showed Rarity a few pictures that may be worth exploring, he also mentioned various strategies for how to transition.
“Darling, you are thinking way too much about this. Yes, ponies pay attention, but most ponies are far, far more likely to be wrapped up in their own world to pay attention to your balls.”
Spike had brought up a few of his anxieties and plans up with Rarity when they met the next day. “I'm overthinking this?” said Spike, unusually wearing shorts as he had for the past day.
“Naturally, I'll pay the most attention to every little detail, of course. But for most ponies, design is mostly invisible. It's why this is such an intriguing challenge for me. Most of my work is about showing off all my fabric flourishes. But genitals themselves are relatively invisible all things considered. Just another part of the body like legs or wings.”
Spike frowned. Do ponies really not pay that much attention? Now that Spike thought about it, he was much lower in height than a lot of ponies so he saw way more underneath than a pony might.
“Don't give me that look, I know your masculinity is quite important to you, but if I do my job right most everypony else won't notice it. Things really will be okay.”
“But so many things could go wrong? How can it be okay?”
Rarity kept scribbling with marker on a sheet of plastic. “Okay Spike, list five things that could go wrong.”
“A random pony asks me why I have balls suddenly,” Spike began.
“Just say: ‘It's a dragon puberty thing.’ Or: ‘sorry, that's kind of personal and I'd rather not discuss it.’ You're under no obligation to answer questions like that.”
“I can just... not answer questions?”
“Of course darling, politicians do it all the time. And if I'm asked something embarrassing like my age, it's not like I'm going to answer the question. I can make up some sarcastic reply instead.”
Spike nodded. ”I guess that could be okay.”
“Yes indeed. Now come on over here, and let me hear your opinions.”
Rarity had gotten three of the pictures she had taken of him the other day and set them on a table. One was a straight on shot, then a three quarters view, and then a profile photo.
Then Rarity set down a transparent thin sheet of plastic on top, and started drawing on the three quarters view a few different sheaths and scrotum styles.
“Alright Spike, I’ve got a few ideas, but let me know what you think. I was thinking about not having a penis per se, but just the sheath. You are a young dragon after all and probably wouldn't have an erection all the time anyway. So how about just having a sheath?”
She overlaid a few different sheath ideas onto the photo of himself. And after a few minutes of back and forth, he had selected a nice attached sheath style that would stay firmly secured underneath his belly.
“Now how big do you want your testicles to be, darling?”
Spike watched as Rarity overlaid quite a few different sized scrotums.
“Probably smaller than the smallest option you have right now?”
Rarity drew out a very small set and looked at it. “Are you sure?”
“Yes?”
“Hmm… you’re not wanting these too small just because you don’t want ponies to notice, are you?”
Spike blushed, and after some hemming and hawing he eventually picked the medium sized set. Not too small to be unnoticeable, but large enough that their weight should be more comfortable than not.
“Now, onto texture, I'm thinking there's two possible routes to take: Scales or Smooth.”
“How could it be anything besides scales?” If he was going to have something down there attached to his scales then the set should blend in.
“Well, take a look at your wings, Spike.”
Spike unfurled a wing and Rarity examined them. “See this membrane your wings are made of? Yes there's some scales, but it is mostly smooth. You could have your scrotum mimic this wing membrane texture.”
“But, wouldn't that look kind of odd on my scales down there?”
“Not necessarily. Stallions have a thin coat of fur all over their body, except for their genitals.
There the skin is quite smooth and a little different than the rest of their body. If you're interested in a similar effect, I could have your genitals behave similarly and follow how your wing membrane looks.”
Spike hesitated. ”That actually makes a lot of sense.”
“It just depends on what you would be most comfortable with.”
Spike reached over to his wing and felt the stretchy, slightly fuzzy texture of the inside of his wing. Then he reached down, feeling the texture of his scales. Either could work, really.
“Can you draw out what a smooth versus scaly version might look like?”
Rarity nodded, quickly sketching the textures much faster than he expected. In a few minutes, he was swapping the two versions back and forth.
“Hmm… either could work, really,” Spike frowned.
“You don’t think you can decide?” asked Rarity.
Spike shrugged, “What do you think would work best?”
“Smooth, most definitely,” said Rarity.
“Why do you think that?”
“It’s the most natural. Most creatures have a different texture for their genitals than the rest of their body. So if it did match perfectly it would reversely draw more attention to it. So if your aim is for a natural look, the membrane texture of your wing is going to look the nicest.”
Spike didn’t quite know how to argue back against that, and Rarity did know design—he decided to just trust her on this one.
“Alright then darling, a few last questions so I’m completely ready for what you have in mind. I hope you don’t mind if I continue to be frank about all this. Would you like to be able to urinate out of your penis?”
“Naw, I got a cloaca that does all that. I don’t need my penis to do that.”
“Fair enough, and how sexually active do you plan on being with it?”
Spike had expected a question like this to come eventually. “Not at all, really. I won’t even have those feelings for several decades.”
“No urine connection, or sexual spells, that does simplify things by quite a lot,” muttered Rarity. “You’re not trying to give me less work because I’m doing this for free, right?”
Spike had meant to bring this up far sooner in the conversation. “No—no—no, I—uhh… actually how much does it cost?”
“Spike, you are a fantastic friend so there’s no way I could ever charge you for this. Though I do appreciate being asked,” she winked. “Are you absolutely sure you don’t want this to be more sexually functional?”
“Absolutely sure,” Spike said. He didn’t want to have to think about sex right now, or anytime in the next thirty years. Maybe sixty years? It all depended on whatever happened in the far future but it didn’t need to happen now.
Rarity narrowed her eyes at him. “If you say so, Spike. I’ll have to make a new set next time when you do want that.”
“That’s fine.”
“And with that out of the way… let me take some closer looks at your wings and then you can head out.”
She spent another 15 minutes looking over his wings inside and out, measuring, photographing, touching and gently stretching it with her magic. And after Rarity went over all the sketches one more time to be absolutely sure, Spike left out the front door of Carousel Boutique.
A week later, Rarity brought Spike in to get his opinion on a material that was spot-on exactly how his wing membrane felt and behaved.
And another three weeks after that, they were done.
“Darling, I’m so sorry I couldn’t finish this all sooner,” Rarity said as she fit him into the set. “A huge dress order came in and completely swamped me.”
He was laying on his back and wasn’t quite sure what was going on down there as Rarity had refused to show what it looked like until it was firmly attached. Something about disembodied dicks not being the ideal first impression of his new genitals.
“It really is fine, Rarity. You got things to do.” It hadn’t actually been that fine. He kept getting comments from other ponies about the shorts he wore and had been anxious for that to stop. But couldn’t bring himself to stop wearing the shorts because he still really liked that cover story that his genitals were growing and he didn’t want any creature to see.
“But it really took more time than I wanted it to,” Rarity frowned. “By the way, this adhesive will keep everything firmly attached. And the auto-cleaning spell will keep everything sanitary between the genitals and your scales behind it. But you will need to visit me once every two years or so for spell maintenance. And you’ll still need to keep everything clean down there. It is a sheath after all and debris can get caught inside. So be sure to be in the habit of checking and cleaning every. Single. Day. I had a client that didn’t pick up that habit and it—y’know you don’t need to hear that. Just clean regularly with soap and water and everything should be spectacular.”
Spike could only nod at all that.
“And voila!” said Rarity, the blue aura of her magic dissipating. “You can get up now and look in the mirror.”
Spike breathed in. The first thing he noticed was the weight. It was as if he suddenly had little weights attached below his belly. He got up, feeling as his scrotum slid between his legs as he walked. It was a bizarre sensation, made only stranger when he actually got to the full length mirror.
He was male.
Of course he had always been male. But this felt different. Like it was a confirmation of his masculinity? Or like it was an affirmation that he belonged where he thought he belonged?
Right along his lower belly, a small sheath attached itself and curved into a smooth set of rather dangly testicles.
“Wow,” said Spike. For that was the only thing he could say. It looked far more natural than he had ever imagined. He lifted his leg up and swayed side to side. They moved along with him like some bizarre piece of clothing.
“Are they always umm… this dangly?”
Rarity smiled. “Not always, I put on some spells that will extend or withdraw your testicles based on temperature just like a mammalian scrotum would be.”
“Really?” Spike asked.
“Yes, I didn’t even have to use my full set of enchantments either. Your needs are a bit simpler than most of my clients.”
Spike nodded and felt his new genitals. They were the same stretchy, soft material as his wings but masculine shaped. He kept touching his scales, then his wings, then back to the set. It fit! It really did fit!
“This is incredible, Rarity,” he tore his eyes away from his new genitals to look at Rarity. “Thank you so much. You… you have no idea how much this means to me.”
He had been anticipating this moment for so long. Would he cry? Would he be overwhelmed? All he felt was an immense relief that he was finally as he should have been all along.
“You’re very welcome darling. I’m just glad you can finally feel like you.”
Spike smiled, he was him! He had physical dangly evidence and any creature could see it and it was absolutely incredible!
“Alright Spike, ready to head out and face Equestria?”
“Not the whole thing, no,” said Spike, trying to chuckle but the weight of how nervous he was caught up to him like getting kicked in the face with a buckball.
“You’ll be fine, Spike,” said Rarity.
Spike nodded, and he glanced at his shorts which were draped on a hook on the wall.
“Oh, I’ll take care of your shorts, don't worry.”
“Wha—what!?” said Spike. “You don’t need to do that, I can walk out of here just fine. And I only have one pair. I need to have at least one pair of shorts.”
“Most stallions don’t have any,” said Rarity.
“You make dresses for a living! How can you be against me having shorts?”
“Because you are graduating to a great new beyond, and I know how naked one can feel without a piece of clothing you’ve grown attached to. Shorts are so last season Spikey-wikey.”
He frowned.
“Consider it a trade then? I’ll trade you one set of male dragon genitals for your shorts.”
He sighed, but then thought about it more. He already felt so much better being himself. Why hide it? “Okay, Rarity.”
“Splendid! It’s been a pleasure doing business with you Spike.”
And with a few goodbyes, Spike found himself standing outside the door of Carousel Boutique the most naked he had ever been in his entire life. He had been so grateful to have those shorts, and it was going to feel very strange not only not wearing them, but also sporting a new look.
The wind in his scales where his shorts used to cover felt odd. But not nearly as odd as the feeling of his sheath against his lower belly, and his new dangly bits.
He started walking back to the castle, taking the most direct route possible. He was scared to fly because getting a full upward view might be too much for some creatures. Then again, maybe it was fine? Male pegasi and griffons flew all the time.
A mare started walking past and Spike could feel his cheek’s reddening.
But she paid him no heed and kept trotting along.
Spike breathed a sigh of relief.
Only for Big Macintosh to come slowly barreling his direction with a full cart of apples. It was imperative that Spike at least give a greeting. He played Ogres and Oubliettes with him all the time. He was practically a few notches below best friend.
“Hey Big Mac,” said Spike, waving.
“Eeyup,” said Big Mac as he kept walking.
Spike had thought he had gotten away with it when Big Mac stopped in his tracks a few feet from him. Big Mac stared at Spike, then down to where Spike’s shorts used to be. Then back up to Spike’s eyes.
“Looking good, Spike,” said Big Mac, smiling. Then he went right back to walking.
Was that a compliment? What did ‘looking good’ mean? Had he even noticed? Spike had always wondered if he had poor eyesight. Of course he noticed, right?
Not taking any chances, Spike continued along as well.
A few more mares and two stallions passed by Spike without incident. He was pretty sure one of them had given him a gift for his birthday a few years ago, but couldn’t remember who.
He stared back at the pony now walking away, maybe it wasn’t any of them? That had been a very strange birthday.
Spike bumped into a very solid wall of pink. He blinked and Pinkie Pie reached out a hoof and helped Spike up.
“Spike! I’m so happy for you!” said Pinkie Pie.
Oh no.
“When did these come in!?” she asked, glancing down between his legs.
“I knew it! Oh we’re gonna need a party for this one! Just like when you got your wings! I love it when my friends grow pairs of things!" She put a hoof to her muzzle. "It happens surprisingly often.”
“No,” Spike peeped out softly.
But Pinkie’s mouth was already running a mile a minute, spewing ideas of how this was like Spike having a cutesceñera, and the interesting pin the genital on the Spike games, and an absurd sounding cake, and—
Spike breathed in deeply and did the most dangerous thing he had ever done to his good friend Pinkie Pie: he reached out with both of his claws, and shut her mouth.
Pinkie looked alarmed as Spike spoke firmly. “Pinkie, this is something very personal and private to me that I don’t want proclaimed around like most of your parties. This doesn’t mean what you think it means. Rarity made me a set of genitals because dragons don’t grow genitals. And I won’t even know my gender until a few decades from now when I actually hit puberty. Got it?”
Spike let his claws go, and Pinkie breathed in loud and deep.
“You’re transitioning!?” she shouted so loud, half of ponyville must have heard it. “Gender reveal parties are an absolute blast!”
“NO! NO! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA NO!”
Pinkie stared at Spike, her hair deflating, “Do you… do you really not want a party?”
Now Spike felt like a monster. “No, no I don’t. I—this is” he glanced down for a moment. “This is not something I want broadcasted. It’s not a big deal. I…”
But Pinkie looked very upset, “gender reveal parties are so much fun though. And it’s so rare the actual creature whose gender it is gets to come too…”
Those eyes pored into Spike’s soul like she was piercing him with spatulas.
Spike bit his lip, quivering at the very thought of Pinkie throwing him a party. But the extremely distraught Pinkie in front of him was far more uncomfortable than any party he would endure.
“A small one. A really small party.”
Pinkie gasped, her hair blooming into shape, “Do you mean it!?”
“No penis or genital shaped ANYTHING. And a max of 15 guests, and I get to approve or disapprove of any creature.”
“Make it fifty guests and you’ve got a deal!”
“Forty,” said Spike.
“Forty and I get to surprise you with who comes.”
“One.”
“One?”
“A party of one can be fun too,” said Spike.
“You spend way too much time with Twilight,” said Pinkie. “Forty creatures I get to invite, and half the cake is chock full of sapphires.”
“That would take weeks to finish,” Spike’s eyes widened.
Pinkie nodded, “deal?”
“Deal,” said Spike. Who fifteen minutes later immediately regretted the entire encounter and dragged himself up to his room in the castle to drown himself in comic books.
A few hours later, Spike heard a knock on his door.
A surge of anxiety coursed through him. Who was he about to see? How would they react? He could wrap himself up in a blanket and stay on the bed. Or—at that moment Princess Twilight Sparkle burst into the room.
“Spike, I need you to substitute for Pinkie’s classes tomorrow. You’re the only one I can rely on for this. She’s apparently got a big party to plan and—Woah.”
For the first time since entering the room, Twilight actually looked at Spike and her eyes went wide.
“What time is her class tomorrow?” asked Spike.
“Noon and 3pm,” said Twilight, who quickly averted her eyes, blushing.
There was an awkward silence where one of the comics that Spike had been reading fell onto the floor. Spike thought about picking it up but then shrugged and said, “I umm... decided to be more male. I hope that doesn't make you uncomfortable.”
Twilight’s wings ruffled and she shook her head, “N—no—not at all. I uhh... Is err... this more comfortable for you?”
Inwardly he wondered which was worse, not fitting in by not being physically externally male, or not fitting in by needing some add-on to feel male. The confirmation clunked into place inside his mind.
“Yup,” Spike smiled. “This is a whole lot better.”
“Okay,” was all Twilight could say.
After a few more seconds of silence, he asked, “Anything else you needed besides a substitute?”
“W— whe—,” she said flustered. “When did this all happen? Did you get surgery or?”
“No, nothing like that,” Spike waved his claw. “I worked with somepony and got a set that would feel natural for me. But it’s not real or anything, I can’t actually feel it if that’s what you’re asking,” said Spike, giving the top of his sheath a poke.
Twilight nodded, “That’s… good.”
“Yep,” said Spike.
Twilight paused for a few moments, until she eventually said, “good.” And then left the room.
Spike breathed a sigh of relief and then picked up his comic book from the floor. He couldn’t even remember if he was reading it or not. He had read the story so many times he knew what happened next and where he was reading right before this didn’t seem to matter.
He felt the bottom of his scrotum with his claws. It felt like he should be able to feel it. It wasn’t real after all. And it did feel nice in his claws. He just had a numb pair of dangly bits, that was all. He could (hopefully) enjoy whatever was the real thing for a dragon a century from now. That gave him something to look forward to.
He heard a trotting sound coming up from the hallway next to his room and quickly moved his claws.
There was a knock at his door, and Spike took another second to glance around to double check and then told the pony on the other side to come in.
“Sorry, I just needed a moment to digest that.”
“Digest what?”
“This,” she said, gesturing to all of him. “I just… umm…” she pawed the ground as if it would reveal some kind of secret for what to say to him, “Sorry, I haven't been more there for you lately. I’m not sure what possessed you to want this but I probably should have at least been helpful through—“
Spike held up a claw. “You’re fine, Twilight. I have friends I can talk to about these kinds of things, and it’s alright if they aren’t you. Different friends help with different problems, you don’t need to be the one to talk about every problem.”
“I don’t?” asked Twilight, her wings puffing out a little. “As Princess of Friendship, I feel like I should at least be able to tackle every friendship problem in every circumstance.”
“This wasn’t a friendship problem. It was just a personal matter for myself. That I happened to talk through with some friends. If anything a self-love and acceptance problem would go through Cadence than any pony else.”
“Do you want to talk to Cadence?”
“Nope!” Spike said a little too quickly. “I mean, no. I— this particular gender discomfort is largely solved. And I have friends I can talk to about this already. So, no, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? Sometimes ‘I’m fine’ can mean ‘I’m not fine.’”
“Twi, you’re worrying too much. Not everything is about you. And if I have a problem that I think you’re a good pony to solve, I’ll come to you. This,” he gestured downwards, “isn’t something you needed to worry about. I’m okay. In fact, I’m feeling a whole lot better than how I used to feel.”
Twilight was silent for a few moments, “you really are growing up.”
Spike smiled, “it happens sometimes.”
The next day was going to be a doozy. Just a nice morning going around with Gabby on her deliveries. But doing so would involve flying with everything for the first time. And he didn’t have the benefit of walking, where everypony else was taller than him so his genitals would be mostly covered up just by the nature of being shorter than others. Anypony could just look up and see clearly that something was different about Spike and—sweet Celestia why was this so terrifying?
He flew out from a castle balcony and made his way to the post office. The added weight didn’t seem to affect his flying at all. He supposed it was probably because the set he had was pretty small all things considered. The cool morning air compacted his scrotum and he had a tough time not wanting to look down and see it change shape. That spell was really odd. How did stallions and other male creatures deal with how strange that was?
He arrived at the post office, and spotted Gabby picking up her saddlebags of mail and packages.
“You look amazing! Congrats!” Gabby said a bit more loud than he would have liked, which brought some stares from a few of the post office employees. Though with Derpy’s eyes she could have been staring somewhere else for all Spike knew.
“Yeah…” said Spike. “Well, where are we off to today?”
“Southeast Ponyville,” said Gabby. “Race ya’ there!”
Spike smiled and zoomed off with her, only slowing down once they got to their first mailbox.
“So tell me everything, how’d it go? How’re you liking them? They look fantastic by the way.”
Spike blushed. There was something musical about hearing that Gabby liked the way he looked.
“It’s amazing!” Spike said. “Rarity just put this on me yesterday. And they feel so nice to have.”
“Do you take it off every night or—?”
“No, it’s got an adhesive spell that Rarity put on. It can last for decades, but she still wants to take a look at it every few years or so and keep the maintenance spells going.”
“Wouldn’t it get dirty? I mean—it is for peeing and everything.”
“I got a cloaca that handles that,” said Spike. “So this is literally just for show.”
“Huh, well that’s neat.”
He had been filling her in every time they had met previously, and then filled her in on everything that had happened yesterday.
“Big Mac really just said: ‘looking good?’” Gabby laughed.
“I know! No questions asked or anything!”
Gabby put a piece of mail in a mailbox. “No kidding. So has anypony you don’t know very well asked you anything about it? I know you had been debating on lying or explaining the complicated truth.”
Spike scrunched his snout. “I haven’t needed to lie yet exactly. I had this big plan in my head to say: ‘Some dragons are different, and have different puberty things happen to them, and this is happening to me.’ But I haven’t really needed to explain that. And of the ponies I have explained to, it seems like a better idea to tell them the truth.”
“You could just decide in the moment of a conversation” said Gabby. “Just see what happens when you start having those conversations. No need to think beforehand as that’s just gonna make you anxious.”
“That… doesn’t sound like the best idea.”
“I think that the anxiety you’re feeling is going to be far more stressful than any actual conversation you have about it. If anything, just run your excuses past Smolder to be sure.”
“Smolder… hmm... that is a predicament to the whole lying route. I wouldn’t want to cause some kind of dragon biologist to investigate claims of dragon balls or something.”
“Do you really think there’s a dragon biologist out there that cares? That Twilight hasn’t heard of? I think you’re going to be fine, Spike.”
Gabby picked up several pieces of mail and a package out of her saddlebags, and started putting them into a rather large mailbox, when the owner of the mailbox burst out the door of his house.
“I can take those!” said Filthy Rich, immediately grabbing all the items as Gabby passed them over to him.
Rich paused and tilted his head at Spike. “Did you always have testicles?”
Spike was flummoxed, how could anypony even ask such a question? Well if anypony would, it would be the richest pony in Ponyville.
“No,” said Spike.
Filthy Rich put a hoof to his muzzle and then shrugged. “Well thanks for the mail and package,” said Rich, nodding to Gabby. “And congrats on your male package,” he said, nodding to Spike.
Spike scrunched up his snout and felt his face go completely red as Filthy Rich closed the door to his house.
“See, that wasn’t that bad,” said Gabby, as they flapped their way to the next house.
Spike stayed silent, still mortified.
“Come on, he’s invited you into the ‘guy’ club. You’re a stallion now that you got all that dangling from your crotch.”
Spike breathed out. “It… it… did feel nice to be accepted so quickly.”
Spike’s breathing slowly went back to normal, “Well… Pinkie’s going to throw me a gender reveal party. Apparently. I’m still not really sure.”
“OH MY GOSH!” Gabby gasped loudly. “That’s amazing! Pinkie throws the best parties. Can I come!? Can I!?”
“Of course! It’s apparently a party for me. Even though it feels like it’s more for Pinkie because I really didn’t want a party focused on my balls.”
“I’m pretty sure if you said no, it would ruin her entire day! Sometimes you gotta let a party pony be a party pony,” said Gabby. “Knowing Pinkie, it’s going to be a blast.”
“Well, if you’re there, it can’t be that bad,” said Spike.
She grinned at him before grabbing another piece of mail and stuffing it into a mailbox.
Around half-past ten, Spike said goodbye to Gabby as he still needed to do some lesson prep for Pinkie’s class.
He walked into the school of Friendship between classes, while a lot of students were milling about. Most of them paid him no heed. Indeed, he probably could have been wearing clown makeup and they wouldn’t so much as bat an eye.
The only creature who did give him trouble was Smolder, who stared open mouthed at him. He was relieved that she couldn’t possibly have time to talk to him as she must be on her way to class.
That didn’t stop Smolder from following him and cornering him in the empty classroom he was to give Pinkie’s lesson in an hour from then. “Okay, Spike, spill,” said Smolder.
“What?” said Spike. “Don’t you have a class to get to?”
“You can’t be late to lunch,” said Smolder. “I gotta know what aaalll this,” she gestured to Spike’s genitals, “is about.”
Spike sighed. This conversation was going to come eventually. “I uhh… didn’t like not having a gender. And I especially didn’t like having to wait decades to know. So I’m deciding now what I’m comfortable with. And I’m going to be male.”
“Yeah,” she said, throwing a gem in her mouth. “But you were male before just fine.”
“Not—not exactly,” said Spike. “Remember when I talked with you a month and a half ago? I asked you what your strategy was to avoid being misgendered and you just threw me for the craziest loop ever.”
“Explaining basic dragon puberty, yeah,” she took another bite of gem.
“So I identified as male before, and now I’m just having something outward to reflect the way I’ve always felt.”
She chewed rather loudly. “Neat! So where’d you get it? It actually looks like what a male dragon would grow.”
“Th—thanks, Rarity made it.”
“Think she can make me a vulva?” she said without missing a beat.
Spike took a step backwards, “Uhh… probably? She’d at least point you in the right direction to go.”
“Cool, I might have to give that a shot then.”
“You don’t have to get one if you don’t want to. This was just a decision I made. I hope you don’t think this is some kind of gender arms race where if I look male to ponies that you have to do something to look female.”
“I ain’t gonna lie, it’s a little bit of that. And it’s also just wanting to fit in culturally. And there’s nothing stopping it from becoming a cultural tradition for dragons. I can see the billboard now: ‘Dragons coming to the Pony lands, grab your complimentary dick or vagina on your way in.’”
“That's a terrible idea,” said Spike, his face flat.
“Dragons that leave their homeland are a little more adaptable than you might give them credit for. You’d be surprised how good at money dragons in the griffon lands get. Or how resourceful a dragon in a snow environment becomes. This could just become another adaptation.”
“But—what about dragons like Princess Ember, you can’t expect her to grab a set on the way in?”
“We could have an asterisk on the sign saying: ‘dicks and vaginas optional.’”
Spike smacked his face. “That—uhh… no. Please no.”
“Relax, I’m just joking. Probably. Congrats on the balls Spike!”
“So… was Pinkie’s party as bad as you were afraid it was going to be?” Starlight asked.
It was the day after the party and Spike felt calm in ways that would have been unimaginable before.
“It went… better than expected,” said Spike.
“Care to elaborate?”
“Well… first of all. She didn’t invite 50 creatures. More like 10. And it wasn’t a normal Pinkie Pie party, it was tailor made for me. There was food and gems of all kinds but the real surprise was Pinkie working with Discord to do this elaborate Ogres and Oubliettes game.
“It was a grand one-shot about— uhh… you probably don’t care.”
“How dare you stop yourself. I was gearing up to hear a good tale.”
Spike smiled. “Okay, yeah! Okay umm… alright so.” Spike’s voice changed a little to give the tale a bit more drama.
“In the land of Oubliettes, there exists an underground tower where all malformed legendary artifacts go. For every legendary sword of Excalibur, there are dozens of attempts at making the sword that didn’t work out. For every philosopher’s stone, there’s thousands of tries where the stone only transmutes gold into less gold.
“Most of those legendary weapons and objects are nigh unbreakable, and thus the trash that was made along the way to get to that point, is also impossible to break. All those dangerous items need to go somewhere. And so the Princess of the land of Oubliettes constructed a great pit to throw all these crazy things away into.
“That first pit led to a massive magical explosion within the first few weeks. And so she dug a more organized pit, ensuring the magical objects wouldn’t come into contact with each other, and can be used for forever storage. The pit came to be known as the Reverse Tower of Renshu.
“Many brave warriors have tried to break into the tower, but the Princess’s guards keep the entire area on lockdown. A small army of unicorn archivists keep the place organized so no artifact impacts another. Who the archivists are is a closely guarded secret, as they use a series of teleportations to enter the tower.”
“Let me guess,” Starlight interrupted. “You had to steal something from there.”
“A heist one-shot,” Spike nodded with enthusiasm. “It was a really good hook, but well… everypony died.”
“What?” asked Starlight.
“So, Rainbow’s character got cursed to walk through walls, but accidentally got an item attached to her that triples gravity at a 30 degree angle, which happened to hit this one other object just right so it collided with another one, causing a chain reaction that blew up the entire tower and everyone in it. Gabby almost survived the explosion. But uhh… yeah, the whole thing went out with a bang.”
“So every creature died, and you still had fun?”
“Yeah! It was a blast! And Pinkie was nice enough to run the one-shot again because the first round ended so quickly and anticlimactically. And I did get the final object, the broken genie’s lamp, on the second time around, so that was good.”
“Leave it to Pinkie to make dying that much fun,” said Starlight.
Spike smiled, he felt so incredibly calm.
The room was silent for a few moments.
“You haven’t even brought up your genitals once this session. I guess that means things are going good?”
There had been quite a few good friends at that party and it wasn’t a big deal. There were some questions, some explanations by Spike and for the most part, it was fine. He was probably going to have some occasion where things weren’t fine in the future. But, did he really need to think about that? Everyone around him either didn’t care, or was happy for him because he was happy. Why did these extra dangly bits make him feel so happy?
“I guess the weirdest part about all this—and I know I’m overthinking this—but why does this make me feel happy? Is it a sense of belonging? A feeling of calm at not being different in at least some way? In feeling like my body finally matches what I wanted it to be? I don’t know where this calm, happy feeling is coming from.”
“Who says happiness has to come from anywhere,” asked Starlight. “Or that it can’t be a combination of all those things and something beyond that you can’t even describe. It’s okay to just be happy—or even just to ‘be.’ I find when I try to dissect happiness it can seem to flutter away like a butterfly. Just let yourself be aware of the feeling and let it rest on you. No need to overthink it, Spike.”
“That’s… a good way to put it.” He felt so relaxed in that moment until a small, wriggling thought crossed his mind and Spike began to alleviate it by talking aloud.
He glanced down between his legs. “I guess… the biggest mystery of all this is what I’m going to end up becoming one day: either male or female. But for now, I like being male and identifying as male and none of that biological stuff is gonna matter for a long time anyway.
“But even beyond just now, beyond the next couple of decades, I like being male and whatever my body does, it doesn’t matter. I’m male and that’s okay. It’s okay being me.”
Spike paused, letting what he had just said give time to reverberate around his entire body.
“And I… I accept myself. I’m Spike, I’m a boy and I’ll always be a boy regardless of what my body does.”
Starlight smiled, “I’m glad you accept yourself.”
“I am too,” said Spike.
Spike closed the doors to Starlight’s office. He had quite a few errands to run. And it was okay.
