Dashmento
Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but whistle happily as she trotted into the living room. She was almost positive that she was saying something indescribably rude in bird speak, but there were no birds to be found in the house and Fluttershy wasn’t around to inform her of her potential faux pas, so it didn’t really matter too much to her. She was in far too good of a mood to be concerned with avian obscenities.
Everything about today was going wonderfully. The weather was nice; the sun was out, but a gentle breeze was doing a lovely job of cooling everything off. There was a serene silence in the area, with even Winona keeping quiet. And most importantly of all, Rainbow had remembered what day it was. On most days, that last bit of information wouldn’t have been cause for much celebration. The knowledge of the current day generally didn’t tend to be worthy of praise, even though it could sometimes be hard to remember. But today was a special case. Today, as Rainbow very well knew, was her first wedding anniversary.
It was exactly one year ago today that Rainbow became the happiest mare in existence. One year ago today that she watched the most beautiful mare in all of Equestria walk down the aisle, Rarity-made gown trailing behind her. She had seen Applejack in dresses before that day, and each one of them made her look amazing, but none of that could have prepared her for seeing Applejack like that. She distinctly remembered a concern over how long a pony could live without their heart beating, as she was positive that Applejack’s sheer beauty had inflicted a complete and total cessation of all of her bodily functions. And had she died right then and there, she would have died with the knowledge that she had truly seen the best that life had to offer. And she probably would have been exactly as dead today if she hadn’t remembered the date, but she had, so no dying would be happening.
Rainbow looked around the room, proud of everything she saw before her as she basked in the breeze coming from the open window. She knew Applejack well enough to know that material goods weren’t terribly important to her. That didn’t mean that she didn’t buy her any gifts; it simply meant that purchased presents weren’t the highest priority. Still, she was quite happy with the tapestry she’d commissioned that hung directly across the room from the door that Applejack would have to enter when she returned from her errands. She had even made sure to delve into Apple family history for it; a difficult task, as it meant reading a book where, unless her wife was hiding an amazing secret, there was absolutely no chance of Daring Do showing up. Sure, it was purchased, but the thought and effort put into it was sure to be more important to her wonderful wife.
The rest of the room wasn’t anything to sneeze at either. Rainbow had adorned the room with pictures that Applejack would certainly appreciate. Pictures of the two together, with their other friends and family, and pictures of just family as well all found space in the room, creating a metaphorical bouquet of fond memories. It made a good partner for the literal bouquet of roses that sat in a vase on the coffee table. And of course, the setup wouldn’t be complete without the feather.
It wasn’t terribly long after the two had started dating that Rainbow had allowed Applejack to preen her wings. Many pegasi would typically have waited longer into their relationships to take that step, but Rainbow was known for moving fast. Applejack had taken it wrong at first, scoffing at “being given the opportunity to groom her,” but she quickly changed her tune when she realized that Rainbow was being sincere about what it meant to her. Had she known how intimate and meaningful the act was to a pegasus, she certainly would have reacted better.
Rainbow could still remember how careful and tender Applejack had been with her on her first preening. Seeing such a strong, powerful mare being so gentle and delicate had completed the nigh-impossible task of nestling Applejack deeper into her heart than she already was. Rainbow wished that apples had layers like an onion or something so she could spin a proper metaphor out of that. Seeing as they did not, she was forced to just simply think that it was nice that her love had more dimensions to her.
Rainbow distinctly remembered asking why Applejack had set the first feather aside. All the others were discarded, but still that first feather remained through the entire act. And her response to the question was perfect.
“If doing this for the first time means that much to you, then I want to save this so I can always remember that first time.”
Rainbow couldn’t help a warm smile as she looked at the feather, still in the same jar that she’d placed it in, still resting on the same mantle above the lit fireplace. It was there before the rest of the decorations that she had so carefully arranged, but it remained the central piece that tied everything together. Rainbow let out a contented sigh as she picked the jar up to look at it up close.
Rainbow quickly learned something new about that particular jar as she picked it up. It wasn’t a jar at all. It was more of a glass lid. And that very contented sigh that signified her happiness with the situation also served to blow the feather from its perch.
As the feather began to pirouette through the air, Rainbow found herself briefly not knowing what to do. She prided herself on being fast in just about every sense of the word, and one sense that was definitely included in that was her reflexes. For another pony, reacting to something after a mere second would have been perfectly acceptable, but to the self-proclaimed Queen of Speed—Applejack asked her to stop wearing the crown about a week ago—that was about a half a second too slow. The mare bolted from her position, trying to snatch at the feather, but her speed proved to be her downfall, as the gust of wind it generated only served to make the feather dip and dive tauntingly away from her. A blue hoof shot out to grab it, only to produce the same result.
Infuriating as it was to Rainbow, speed was not the answer to this situation. This called for her most-hated rival: anti-speed. Or sloth, as it were. She had to be slow. And the feather was currently dancing towards the fireplace, so she had to be slow quickly.
If anypony were around to bear witness to Rainbow Dash carefully tiptoeing towards a feather with a look of panic on her face, they likely would have harbored great concern for her mental well-being. Since there was nopony around to do so, crazy old Rainbow Dash was safe for another day.
Rainbow let out a frustrated whine as she gradually approached the feather. “Gradually” was not a word that was typically welcome in her vernacular, and yet here she was, embodying that very word. In her head, she could hear Applejack’s upset voice as if she was right there in front of her.
“What do you mean, you incinerated my favorite Dashmento?”
She would get “Dashmento” into a dictionary one day, she was sure of it. Being friends with the leader of Equestria would undoubtedly aid in that. But she could worry about that after said Dashmento was saved from a grisly demise.
Blue hooves slooooowly reached towards the feather, which remained as determined as ever to roast itself. The only molecules of air that moved around those slothful limbs were the ones that were forcibly displaced by them. Rainbow didn’t even blink as she held her waiting hooves out, lest her powerful eyelids exhume a ripple of air and blow the feather off course.
Rainbow watched with silent delight as the feather landed gracefully in her hooves. Crisis averted.
With just as much precaution as when they approached, Rainbow’s hooves returned to her, holding the treasure. Rainbow nearly let out a sigh of relief, but had the wherewithal to look away first and avoid putting herself right back into the same position she had just saved herself from. She brought the feather up to her face as she stepped away from the fireplace, close enough to smell it as she celebrated her victory.
And then, in accordance with the strict laws of cartoons involving feathers and noses, she sneezed.
Rainbow’s eyes shot back open, but it was already too late. The powerful exhalation had sent the feather flying once more, this time out the open window. Rainbow let out a cry as the pleasant breeze carried the feather a few feet away, where it found itself caught in the wake of a bird that had just decided to swing by. The bird caught the feather in its talons, likely intent on adding it to its nest, but this too was not meant to be, as Winona leapt up from her resting place outside the window and pounced at the bird. The bird escaped the dog’s attack, letting out a few whistles that sounded strangely close to the tune Rainbow had been whistling before as the feather escaped from its grasp. Just when Rainbow was finally about to make her move, Winona pounced upon the feather, vicious canine canines tearing into it with gusto. By the time Rainbow finally shooed her away, the feather was a tattered husk of its former self, doomed to never look pretty again.
Winona might as well have buried Rainbow in the ground, what with how boned she was.
Rainbow burst through the window, ignoring the happy yips from her canine companion that were just begging for playtime. Playtime had come and gone, and the feather was a tragic casualty. Tears, born from frustration and sadness alike, stung at Rainbow’s eyes as she tried in vain to repair the piece of herself, but it was already beyond help. A loud curse reverberated through the leaves of the orchard as she kicked at the dirt, followed by a slightly quieter one when she realized that she had kicked said dirt all over the remains of the feather. Winona tried to help in the burial of the feather, positive that she was doing a good thing until another shout made her back off.
The despondent Dash carried the fallen form of the feather back into the house, feebly trying to place it back on its stand. Perhaps if Applejack had been stricken with near-blindness on her way home, she would be able to get away scot-free. But then she wouldn’t be able to see all the other things she had set up, so she hoped for that not to happen. Also for the obvious other reasons.
Rainbow paced back and forth in the room, unsure of how to fix her terrible mistake. It was great that she had remembered their anniversary and set all of this other stuff up, but to destroy such an important Dashmento en route would make Applejack’s mood more sour than...a sour variant of some fruit or another. Rainbow wasn’t great with metaphors, as previously seen with the whole layers thing. Her eyes darted to the ground, where she spotted potential salvation: a small smattering of feathers that had fallen off when she had performed auto-defenestration. She pressed her nose to the ground, carefully inspecting her sheddings. Each one was awesome, of course, given the body upon which they formerly resided. A less-discerning eye could never tell them apart from the feather.
And therein lie the problem. Applejack was very astute. When somepony needed to point out the difference between two otherwise-identical apples, she was the one who was called upon, at least when Granny Smith was asleep. Even though the very pony that they came from could barely tell the difference between them, Applejack would surely be able to take a cursory glance at the feather and know it wasn’t the feather.
Rainbow let out a groan as she pondered her predicament. Maybe she could tell Applejack that she’d sent the feather out for cleaning and buy herself some time? But no, that made no sense. Who would clean feathers that weren’t attached to somepony? She briefly considered drawing a picture of the feather and leaving it under the glass, but quickly vetoed that idea. If Applejack wasn’t going to fall for a different feather, she certainly wasn’t going to fall for a picture, especially with Rainbow’s mediocre drawing skills.
The sound of barking outside made something click in Rainbow’s head. The solution was far simpler than she had thought. All she had to do was blame the dog. Even though it wasn’t exactly how things went down, it was true that Winona had torn the feather to shreds. Applejack would be upset, but it wouldn’t be aimed towards her! And who could stay mad at a dog? As soon as Applejack walked through that door and looked at that mantle, she would tell her exactly that.
And as it turned out, she didn’t have to wait long, because there was Applejack walking into the living room, the soon-to-be-accused pup trailing behind her.
“I’m home!” Applejack called out. “What’s-“
The rest of that sentence was lost to the aether, because it was at that moment that she noticed her surroundings. The stunned earth pony looked around the room, mouth agape as she took in the decorations. Then her gaze settled on her nervous wife.
“Rainbow Dash!” Applejack swooned, hopping in place and nearly losing her hat in the process. “Land’s sakes! Did you set this all up for our anniversary?”
Rainbow smiled a tentative smile, her mind working a mile a minute to figure out exactly how to implicate Applejack’s beloved pooch.
“You know it, babe!” Rainbow asserted, giving a curt nod. “Anything for the Apple of my eye!” She eagerly welcomed the sudden rush of orange as it leapt into her forelegs. As worried as she was about what had gone on, it was easy to forget those worries for a fleeting moment as Applejack’s lips met hers. A kiss from Applejack could make her forget just about anything.
“It’s all so perfect!” Applejack bubbled, spinning in place. It was rare to unlock this side of Applejack, and Rainbow was happy to bask in it as long as she could before the other hoof fell. Sure enough, on the fifth or sixth spin...
“...Rainbow Dash? Where’s the feather?”
Rainbow gulped. She could already see the despair setting in on her love’s face. Her eyes darted to Winona. She was panting happily and scratching her ear. Winona, not Rainbow. Rainbow wasn’t doing anything happily at this very moment. She took a breath, ready to betray the adorable little scamp.
Then a look back at Applejack stopped all of that. As much as she wanted to be off the hook for this, she couldn’t do it. It wasn’t even about Winona, as cute and innocent as she was. Applejack was the bearer of the Element of Honesty, and strangely enough, wasn’t a fan of lying. And to knowingly lie to her wife who hated lying so much...well, that wasn’t being very loyal, was it? A brutal one-two element combo halted her previous idea in place, and she knew what had to be done.
“I’m sorry, Applejack,” Rainbow said softly. “I was getting everything ready for you and tried to pick the feather up and look at it, but it blew off of its perch and ended up getting torn to pieces. I accidentally ruined your favorite Dashmento and I’m really, really sorry.”
The pegasus hung her head in shame, but couldn’t help but admit that it felt good to be honest and get the situation off of her chest. One magenta eye cracked open and peered at Applejack. Knowing her, she would appreciate the honesty and everything would be just fine.
“You destroyed the feather?!”
Rainbow winced hard. Maybe things weren’t always as easy as they were in stories.
“You know how important that was to me!” Applejack insisted, wheeling around to face her guilty wife. “That was the most important Dashmento I had!”
The word would spread, one pony at a time, until it reached Mareium-Webster.
“I know,” Rainbow sighed. “I was trying to make this day almost as awesome as our wedding day, and instead I messed it all up. It was an accident, AJ, and I’m so sorry. I totally get it if you’re mad at me.”
Rainbow could barely meet Applejack’s gaze. Shame wasn’t an emotion that she was used to, but she was feeling it in full force right now. She almost wanted to just disappear; a feeling that lasted right up until Applejack’s glare finally softened.
“You know...” Applejack said, letting out a sigh. “It’s...it’s not alright...but it’s alright.” She walked over to her wife and rested a hoof on her shoulder. “I’m real sad that it’s gone, and you probably could have been more careful...but even if we lose the physical reminder, that don’t mean the memory’s gone. That’ll stick around as long as we let it. And besides, the rest of this whole thing looks real nice. You obviously spent a lot of time on it.”
“I did,” Rainbow agreed, a little smile crossing her face as she looked up into Applejack’s eyes. “I read a thing that didn’t have Daring Do in it.” Applejack let out a laugh and wrapped a foreleg around Rainbow’s shoulders.
“Oh shush, you read more than just Daring Do,” Applejack chuckled. She leaned in and placed a sweet kiss on Rainbow’s cheek. “Now what do you say we get those wings preened? The feather might be gone, but a new memory can always help support the old.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Rainbow responded, giving Applejack’s cheek a kiss of her own. “Happy anniversary, Applejack. Love you.”
“Love you too, sugarcube.”