A Changeling mare, disavowed and alone for six years is on her last leg. She prepares to die as she has lived, fading out of existence quietly, unnoticed and most importantly, true to herself.
Glow, a Changeling mare has been alone for six years now, becoming one of the disavowed, a 'Nothling'. On her own in the world, she seeks to live her life independently as a pony, hoof-crafting neon signage and lighting in solitude. The only thing is, she's dying because of it.
Dusk, a Thestral has been traveling as a musician almost all her life, performing at various locations with her best friend Kix trying and make a name for herself. She's been living with Kix in his heroin-addicted cousin's apartment in Las Pegasus, trying to save up enough for them both to get a place of their own.
It’s cold in the royal courtroom. Not because of the temperature, but because of the coldness in the pony's hearts around me. There is no love here. My lips tremble and the metal cage that I’m in rumbles as it’s wheeled towards the front of the room. It won't be long now. I just wish I could’ve seen Dusk one last time.
I peer through the bars as rows of ponies move past. A range of emotions to choose from, not one of them kind, most of them like stone. The late evening sun shines through the stained glass windows high above, casting long, colorful rays through the courtroom. Contrasting against my grey cage as it rolls through the light coming in between the bars, like shutters. As each shadow passes over my eyes, my heart quickens.
My destination approaches.
High up on thrones of marble and crystal, sit the three princesses. The fourth throne sits empty. Something wet rolls down my cheek and lands on the dull metal floor with a splash. I sit in my cage, trying to stop my own chittering, but it’s futile. I no longer feel like a monster; I simply feel pathetic.
I made a mistake, leaving all those years ago.
I never should have come here.
****
I hold the glass tube in my magic, slowly rotating it over the flame. There’s no visual cue, but I can tell the glass is hot enough now, applying an even pressure to either side of it. The two sides slowly come together and I make sure to pump the bellow with my hoof, keeping the air pressure in the tube consistent so it doesn’t burst at the bend. Once it reaches a ninety-degree angle, I move the tube away from the heat and over to my workbench to cool.
Perfect, I think, removing my goggles. It doesn’t look anything like the letter ‘R’ yet, but it will soon enough. I glance up at the workshop clock.
8:38.
I frown. Oh... well, maybe not tonight.
Suddenly, a cold numbness deep within my core makes itself known.
I hold a foreleg up to my chest. “Nhg,” I groan, “not already,” I complain aloud, moving away from the workbench and shutting the gas off with my hoof.
I walk tiredly over to the back of the workshop, where a row of large wooden shelves sit against the wall. I stop in front of the one furthest to the left, designated ‘to deliver’ and look for the spot plainly labeled ‘Gig’ with a taped-on piece of paper. Above the paper on the shelf sits a metal stage light with colored filters.
Gig really had to stop letting ponies set their own lighting patterns, especially that one unicorn mare with the blue hair. She always burns the rods out. Hopefully this one will last longer – I made sure to charge the rods to withstand a higher magical threshold, which was probably why I felt hollow so close to my last delivery.
Maybe I could deliver this one a couple days early; it was finished after all. I grab the spotlight in my magic and levitate it off of the shelf. I trot to the door and pick up my plain, brownish-green saddle bags near the entrance, slipping the light into the largest compartment.
There, I think. Now I'll just be able to swing by during my collection tomorrow morning and drop it off. Maybe I’ll even get a little extra gratitude for delivering it early.
Hmm, maybe I should start delivering all my orders early. I smile before the emptiness comes back again, causing me to stumble.
“Mmph,” I groan, furrowing my eyebrows. I really need to get some rest, save as much energy as I can until tomorrow. I just have to make it till then.
I flip the one lamp in the room off, leaving the neon signs near the front store window as the only light source. Not that I needed any to see. I then begin my slow trek up the stairs in the hall and into the top floor of the building, which served as my apartment.
The apartment is nothing more than an office space that I managed to cram with a small cot, a magical heating oven, and a round dining table – if I could even call it that – with two rickety wooden chairs on either side. The chair furthest from the so-called ‘kitchen’ has noticeably more dust than the other.
I don’t even require a proper dining room or kitchen really. I only need the bare minimum in case anypony comes into my apartment, so I don’t look suspicious.
I sigh, slowly walking over to the side of my skinny cot and pulling myself up onto it, causing it to creak and bend in the center as I did. I probably could’ve afforded a better one if I raised my prices, but keeping them low tended to garner better emotions to feed off of. And, after all, a bed is better than no bed.
I settle down, resting my head on my flat, feather pillow and pull the beige sheet up to my neck with my hooves. I guess the one thing I really could use was a thicker sheet; this one isn't warm enough to get rid of the constant, ever-so-present cold feeling within me.
Then again... I don’t think anything would take that away.
I finally let my eyes slide close, already feeling like I’m floating away. To conserve energy until morning, I let my Unicorn form drop right before I fall asleep, an indigo-colored flash filling the room for a second before Luna’s night finally takes me.
****
I wake up stiffly in the exact same position I had fallen asleep in. My eyes not needing to adjust to the light, I look down at my alarm clock on the floor, which is right next to the bed.
7:55. Just a few minutes shy of going off.
I quickly place a hoof on its top, ceasing the quiet ticking before sitting up and looking around.
The same dull room greets me, unchanged. As always. I roll out of the bed and stand; no joints pop as I do so. I make a bound for the bathroom and stumble, falling to my knees.
“Oof!” I grunt as I hit the floor. I look down at my legs, almost completely numb, like I had been sleeping with my hooves in ice-water. Skinny black twigs greet me and I wince, shivering. A purple flash quickly lights up the room, and the black things disappear, though the numbness remains, perhaps even made worse.
I stand unsteadily and slowly make my way into the bathroom with my head held low. Upon entering, I look up at myself in the mirror.
A pale-blue Unicorn mare, skinny as skinny can be, turquoise eyes peeking out behind a long, dark purple mane. I move part of my hair out of my eyes to get a better look at my face, searching for any errors. Long voluminous eyelashes and perfectly soft, even-toned fur, I was as flawless looking as I could make myself, but still ever so thin. I had lost the ability to change my own mass a long time ago. It simply took too much energy. Energy that I didn’t have.
Once I’m satisfied with my appearance, I exit the room and begin my slow trek down the narrow hallway stairs, careful that my legs don’t give out. When I reach the bottom, I poke my head around the corner and into the workshop, levitating my saddlebags over and onto my back. When I finish, I pull the front door open, metal squealing as I do so.
It’s springtime in Las Pegasus. The morning air already feels warm against my coat, but it seldom helps my inner coldness. I look up at the cloudless sky. Birds fly overhead and down the city street along with the carriages that bump around on the cobblestone road.
A pang of anxiety shoots through me, and I feel an overwhelming need to hide. But I can't. I need to collect today. I need to feed.
I close the metal door behind me, locking it with my key before dropping it into my saddlebag as well.
I walk down the city street, making an effort to give a small ‘hello’ to everypony I pass. A task that bears a great pain, as I’m being nothing but disingenuous.
They have something that you want. I think to myself. You don’t actually care about them. You are false.
Most ponies go on without a word or a single thought, but occasionally a passing couple or friendly face will match my brief greetings. As they do, I breathe in the minuscule amount of kindness that floats my way, barely qualifying as even a nibble. But with enough faces passed, some of them even familiar, I’m able to scrape by.
I stop at the very end of the street, short of an hour and a half later by only a couple of minutes. I don’t feel so cold anymore, but the emptiness remains.
To my left is an entertainment store with a multitude of radios playing in the shop’s window. Some older stallions sit around listening and, curious, I can’t help but lift an ear.
“Four years ago today, on April twenty-first, our capital city of Canterlot was attacked by an invading force for the first time in a hundred generations. We dedicate today’s broadcast to the victims of such a terrible event, all donations received going towards the families who lost parts of their lives on that day. I turn you over now to reporter Flash Bakelite reporting on the ongoing restora-…” One of the stallions turns the volume knob with a wing, lighting up a cigarette.
“Those cheese-legged fuckers didn’t get half of what they deserved,” he says in a gruff voice, blowing out a cloud of smoke through his nostrils.
One of the others turns to him. “You know, my nephew was on one of the cleanup crews, said there were bug carcasses for miles.” He nods. “Some say they still find rotting husks on rooftops every once in a while.”
One of them shakes their head. “Celestia.”
“Never did catch the big mama, though.”
"No, said she disappeared right after the burst... if I'm remembering correctly." The one with the cigarette states.
"Real shame."
“Hmmph, those element bearers from Ponyville should’ve blasted her when they had the chance,” another one says.
“Aye, you said it.” They all laugh.
I forcefully turn my head away from the conversation, shivering slightly. They aren’t completely wrong though.
She should have known better.
There were supposed to be rules.
I turn on my hooves, facing back up the road to begin my return trek. It’s increasingly warm now as Celestia’s sun starts making its way directly overhead, not as many ponies traveling the sides of the street as before.
After a while, I reach my destination. A three-story building made of limestone brick. The black sign above the front landing reads ‘Gig’s Live Music Venue’ in thin cursive letters. I trot up to the glass front doors and knock lightly. A brief moment later, a butter yellow Earthpony mare with short wine-colored hair opens the door.
“I’m sorry, but we won't be open for another few hours,” she says, poking her head out.
“Oh, no. I’m just here for a delivery,” I explain. “I was supposed to be here on Friday, b-but I finished up a little earlier than expected.”
She seems to relax a bit. “Does Gig know you’re coming?” she asks.
“Nn-not today, I don’t think,” I reply sheepishly. “But he knows who I am.”
She opens the door fully. “Alright, you can come in. I’ll go get him,” she says, closing the door behind me as I step inside.
There’s a bar near the entrance to the left as well as a skinny, dinner type area to the immediate right, with booths near the front windows. After a couple meters, the floor drops down to a sunken-in seating area with square tables set up in a gridlike pattern. Past that was a modest-sized dancefloor and then finally the stage, which took up almost the entire back wall except for the VIP area to its right.
After a while of waiting on the entrance platform, a cream-colored Pegasus stallion with a dark blue mane comes around the corner from behind the bar, smiling.
“Glow, you’re certainly here early,” he says, cheerfully.
“Hello, Gig,” I greet him. “I uh… I figured I could install your stage light today, I had some free time.”
“Oh, honey, you shouldn't be spending your free time doing work. A young mare like you? You should be out having lunch with friends right about now,” he scolds, making me blush.
“N-none of them were available,” I lie.
“Hmm, well how about you stop by tonight? Make some new ones! I’ll cover your entrance fee,” he suggests quietly.
“Oh, no, thank you though,” I decline. “That’s very thoughtful of you, Gig, but I- I’m not so great with crowds,” I explain, taking in the companionship drifting my way.
“Oh, no, honey, that’s perfectly fine. It’s a Wednesday.” He folds a wing over my back and guides me over to the blackboard past the bar. “We’re doing Alternative Night.” He waves his hoof. “Nothin too rambunctious. In fact, not too many ponies are booked I’m afraid.”
My ears fold back, looking over the board. Three bands are written down between eight P.M. and eleven, and on a Wednesday night, Gig was right. Not too many ponies would be showing up. It seemed like this event was designed to be a bit more intimate and relaxed, than some of the weekend shows.
“I dunno…” I say quietly, looking down.
“Trust me, Glow, you need to get out more, missy. Once you're old like me, you’ll wish you could fly back in time,” he chuckles.
“You’re not that old, Gig.” I look back up at him.
“Oh! Oh! You flatterer, stop it!” He lightly bats me with a wing, making me smile a bit. “I am old and I know it,” he says laughing.
“Okay,” I softly say. “I guess I could stop by.”
“Wonderful!” He smiles widely. “Now, let me just go grab the ladder from the back so you can screw that puppy in,” he points to my bag. “I’d fly up there myself, I would, but-”
“It’s okay, Gig, I got it,” I assure as he smiles and disappears towards the back of the stage.
“Be back in a jiffy!” he calls.
I move to the back of the venue and stare up into the scaffoldings. Three stage lights, just like the one in my bag, are screwed into the posts, leaving an empty spot near the middle for a fourth. It seems Gig had someone take down the broken one already; that’ll save me some time.
I shut my eyes tightly, holding a hoof to my chest and exhaling heavily. Gig’s companionship seems to have reduced the numbness slightly, but not much else. The aching hollowness echoes within me, still begging to be filled, as always. Though it’s nothing new, I still have to try my best to ignore it.
“Here we are!” Gig announces, snapping me back to attention.
He carries over a long ‘A-Frame’ ladder and quickly sets it up next to me. “How’s that?” he asks.
I nod, “Perfect. Thank you, Gig.”
“No, no. Thank you, dear.” he corrects. “Now, I’ve got some business to attend to upstairs. I do hope you’ll excuse me.” He begins to walk off towards the bar but stops. “You will come and find me if you need anything? Juniper will be just behind the bar here as well.”
I nod again, and he smiles before walking away.
I look back up at the ceiling and then over to the ladder. I trot over to the steps and carefully make my way up. It’s a sturdy ladder – Gig wouldn’t have me use anything that wasn’t safe, but even then I’m still slow to ascend. When I finally reach the top, I brace my front hooves against the metal scaffolding. I ignite my horn and feel around inside my saddlebag, removing the stage light.
It's a simple task, attaching the head to the pole, removing the pin in the larger socket, and then sliding the smaller piece into place. I float the top of the light just below the empty spot and raise it until the smaller piece enters the hollow pole. Once I feel that the light is as far in as it will go, I line up the holes for the pin and slide it in. Carefully, I let go, making sure the pin will hold it.
Perfect, now for the rest, I think.
****
I move my body out of the way and channel some of my magic into all four lights. The entire stage lights up, save for an empty dark spot on the right near the middle. I use my hoof to aim the new light directly into the empty space so that the entire stage is evenly lit, then tighten the screws on the side. Afterwards, I change all the lights’ colors to red, green, and then finally blue before letting them go dim.
“That looks wonderful, dear!”
I look down at Gig, who stands at the elevated section near the bar clopping his hooves together. “And you finished up so quickly!” he exclaims.
“Well, setting it up is the easy part,” I say, slowly climbing down the ladder and meeting him halfway. “It should last a long time, i-if you don’t have any Unicorns b-blow it up that is,” I add quietly.
He chuckles. “Oh, she’s uncontrollable, but every time she’s in town she has the place packed,” he says, removing a bag of bits from under his wing. “Here you go, dear, for a job well done.”
I’m startled by the weight of the bag when he drops in into my hoof. Much heavier than normal. “Gig,” I say, looking up at him concerned. “This is far too much.” I hold the bag out to him.
He pushes it back. “Take it, honey,” he insists, smiling genuinely. “I have more than I know what to do with.”
I hesitantly accept it, placing the pouch into my saddlebags.
“I will see you later tonight, correct?” he asks, walking me to the front.
I nod. “Yes, I’ll be here,” I say plainly.
“Great!” he smiles, opening the door for me with a wing. “See you soon!”
****
I have to admit, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. The first band on stage had been playing some downbeat songs that I could appreciate. The only problem is the many, many ponies that were all around the venue. Far more than I’d like. The emotions floating around the room test my restraint, always having to remind myself: they aren’t for you. It wasn’t much of an issue once the music started, as it served as an ample distraction, though I still shiver when anyone walks by.
“Can I get you anything to drink?”
I open my eyes. Juniper Berry stands on the other side of the bar, cleaning a glass with a small cloth.
“Oh, uh… j-just a ginger ale, please.” I stutter.
She nods and reaches down, placing a small glass in front of me with ice, then pops the cap off of a bottle, causing me to flinch. She then pours the bottle into the glass and sets them both down within hoof’s reach.
“Just wave me down if you need anything else,” she says.
After she leaves, I stare at the small yellowish bubbles, watching as they float to the top and get trapped under the ice, unable to make it to the surface. Unable to escape. I imagine black forms pressed up against a shield, batting up against it like moths at a window as a magical burst comes from within. A terrible fate. I wonder if they felt like I do. Cold and hollow. I wonder if maybe they felt worse.
“I'm pretty good with faces,” I hear to my right. “I don’t think I remember seeing yours around here.” A Thestral mare sits two seats down, carefully watching me. She lifts her red drink up to her fanged lips and takes a small sip.
Her coat is a dark purple and her mane is like the late evening sky. She lowers her glass, licking her lips before moving them around, her eyes the color of the setting sun. It takes a few moments before I quickly realize that she had spoken again.
“I- I’m sorry?” I squeak.
She smiles. “I asked if you’ve even been here before,” she says in a voice like velvet.
“Uh… no,” I say, shivering. “I uh, just wanted to try it out… I don’t know if I’ll even be staying.”
“You should stick around,” she suggests, still with a small smile. “I’ve got a set coming up in just a few minutes.”
“You’re playing tonight?” I ask.
“Uh-huh.” she nods. “Wanna stay awhile and see?” She takes the final sip of her drink, still watching me.
“...Okay,” I say, almost automatically.
The corner of her lip curls up, revealing the point of her fang. "So, what's a mare like you doing in a place like this anyway, hmm?"
I shutter. "Uh, I don't... I mean, um, I-" I sputter dumbly, staring at her lips. I shake my head. "J- just thought it looked like fun?" I reply, although, more like a question. "What about you?" I quickly change the subject, although cringe when I realize she's already said why. Luckily, she either doesn't seem to mind or didn't notice.
"Oh, I've been around to a bunch of different clubs," she states. "This one's just one of my regulars, and when I heard they were doing alt-night, I just had to book a spot."
"Oh, you must be really brave to perform in front of so many ponies." I think out loud.
She laughs softly. "Nah, not really, I love it. Putting on a good show is what I was made for." She looks off the side before returning to me. "We're going up soon, you're still gonna be around, right?"
I give a simple nod.
She smirks, hopping down from her spot. “Good to hear,” she says, giving a final look over her shoulder before walking off with a sway in her hips.
I catch a glimpse of her cutie mark as she turns: the setting sun with a constellation of stars in the shape of what I think is a bass clef. I look away again, unable to hold still, placing a hoof over my heart and breathing out slowly. It comes out trembling. It takes a couple more deep breaths before I stop shaking, then notice that the music has stopped.
The current band begins packing up their equipment and rolling it offstage. Fairly quickly, another stallion comes out tugging a cart full of drum equipment into center stage as the others move by him in the opposite direction.
He’s a Unicorn with a light peach-pink coat and a long golden mane parted in the center, a cigarette hanging from his lips. He lights up his horn, its aura the same pale emerald-green color as his eyes, and shortly after the lights are dimmed. Then, another pony walks out onto the stage: the very same Thestral mare I’d been speaking with earlier.
Her eyes reflect brightly in the low light, like two fiery-red candles. She sets down her case and pops it open, grabbing a dark-red, glossy magic guitar in her wings. She plugs a cord into the instrument and plays four notes in quick succession. Deep vibrations fill the venue. Immediately after, the drummer plays a short drum roll and hits a cymbal four times lightly before stopping.
Nodding to each other, the mare steps up to the microphone and takes a seat on the centerstage stool.
“How’s everypony doing tonight?” she asks in her silky voice.
A good amount of ponies in the venue cheer.
“Good, good. How many do we have here from Canterlot?”
A fairly smaller group of ponies cheer, but still make a good amount of noise.
“Oh, a couple, huh? Me too. Well, our name is Work In Progress, and we’ve got a few songs for you tonight.” She nods to the drummer and quickly starts plucking a steady stream of notes using her wing talons. Up and down in broad, complex riffs.
After a couple minutes, I noticed that they never seemed to really repeat any section of the song. It was ever-changing, with something new at the end of every verse, but not so different that it became chaotic. It was like a journey.
The next thing I picked up on was how truly different it sounded. The lyrics were dark and wholly honest in a way that ponies would normally try to hide. She sang in a way that let ponies see the deepest parts of her soul.
The first song was about hypocrisy and violence, bending the envelope of what was considered right and wrong, and how we were all guilty. My ears perked up, entranced.
The second song didn’t properly start, blending into the first seamlessly without stopping. It was much softer than the previous, the notes ringing out for a long time, with almost no cymbals. She sang about watching the weather change, although it more so seemed like a metaphor for time.
But then, there was the final song, which I found the most intriguing. At first, it was about a princess: immortal, wise, and possessing all. But then, she’s willing to throw it all away for somepony. A pony that keeps her dark side at bay. Progressively, the princess gets more and more desperate for this other pony not to leave her, and at some point, it almost feels like it’s not another pony at all, but another part of herself. The final chorus of the song sticks with me even long after they stop playing:
Shine on forever Shine on benevolent sun
Shine upon the broken Shine until the two become one
Shine on forever Shine on benevolent sun
Shine upon the severed Shine until the two become one
Divided I’m withering away Divided I’m withering away Shine upon the many, light our way Benevolent sun
“Alright Kix, I’ll see you in a little bit.” I say, saluting him with one of my wings as he stops next to the rear backstage exit, cart-full of drum equipment in tow.
“You sure you don’t want me to stick around with you?” he asks cautiously.
“Hmmph,” I exhale, “I can handle myself. Plus, there’s a fit bird I wanna mingle with for a little bit, and I know you don’t care too much for any of that.” I give him a knowing look.
“Alright, just be careful on your way home,” he says.
“I always am,” I assure, as he makes his way out.
Once he’s gone, I make my way over to the backstage doors, wondering if the mare I had spoken with earlier was still there as I push the doors open with my shoulder.
I spot the lone bird quickly, still seated at the bar on the last stool towards the back. I flutter my wings and tuck them at my sides neatly before trotting off in her direction. She doesn’t seem to notice my presence, more interested in staring at the grains in the wooden bartop with a sullen expression, at least until I take the seat directly beside her.
“You know, you should’ve found a spot a bit closer to the front,” I point out, making her jump. “It isn’t everyday that you can find a good place to sit in here.” When the bar-hop passes, I wave her down.
“Oh! I, uh… I just didn’t want to intrude,” she says, looking back down at the wood. “I-I don’t really know anypony here.”
I look down the bar towards the group of five ponies at the end, talking to each other with relaxed smiles. “I’m sure they wouldn’t mind,” I say, looking back over towards the mare. “I’ve seen them around here a lot; there’d be enough room for you.”
She looks back at me through her long purple hair, the bangs covering the left side of her face, one turquoise eye peeking out at me from the right. “I’m just…” I notice her hoof moving to her stomach ever so slightly. “I’m just really shy is all,” she says, looking away again. “I still heard all of it though. The- the music, it was very good.”
“Well-” I start, pausing as the bartender drops my usual off in front of me. I grasp the glass in my talons, saying, “Well, I’m glad to hear you enjoyed it.” I take a sip of my Red Negroni, closing my eyes and savoring the cherry, wine flavor.
After a while, I open my eyes back up and look over at the mare once more, still with her hoof gently resting against her belly, watching the condensation run down the side of her glass.
“You seem like you’re hungry, could I offer to buy you some dinner?” She perks up almost immediately upon me asking, sitting up straight and opening her mouth to respond, before she blushes and places a hoof over it.
“Um… N-no thank you,” she says quietly. “I’m a… a very messy eater.” She hides behind her mane and deflates, fiddling with her hooves.
Strange, I think, before speaking up again. “I’m sure you aren’t nearly as messy as you think you are. Especially being a Unicorn,” I say. Curiously, she flinches at the last part.
She turns her head, ever so slowly looking me up and down before stopping at my chest, responding. “...I could maybe go for just a bite,” she says, still staring.
I smile at that, finally getting somewhere. “Well, there’s plenty to eat here. What do you like?” She looks up surprised, before her ears fold back in thought.
“Oh, uh… uhm, waffles?” she asks quietly.
The corner of my mouth pulls up slightly at that, revealing the point of my fangs. “Huh, odd. A bit early for waffles don’t you think?” I tease, causing her to hide. “Hmm, I like your style.” I laugh softly before waving down the bartender once more, who stops in front of us. I lean in “You think you can cook up a four-stack of waffles?” I ask. She nods happily and starts trotting off to the back. “Oh,” I add, “Heat up some maple syrup as well!” The bartender turns around and nods again in affirmation.
I glance back to my left, and the mare looks away from me.
“Two for me, two for you. Sound fair?” I ask, causing her to make eye contact.
“Yes, that sounds fair to me,” she says in her soft voice.
It’s quiet between the two of us for a good while, though I notice the mare has a tendency to peek out of the corner of her eye and look me over when she thinks I’m not paying attention. I’d be lying though if I said I didn’t enjoy it -- if this mare thinks I’m attractive enough to ogle, I’ll take that as a compliment.
“I uh… I’ve never seen anypony other than a Unicorn play the guitar before,” she says, grabbing my attention.
I smile. “Bass guitar. Made that one myself, you know.” I flex my wings out, bending them to show off my talons, which she takes notice of. “And make no mistake, these babies allow me to play just as good as any Unicorn. Heh, maybe even a little better.” I take another sip of my Negroni.
“Ponies don’t bother you?” she asks with intrigue. “B-because you’re a Thestral I mean,” she elaborates, shying away a bit.
A brave question for her to ask, it actually catches me off guard a bit. Las Pegasus has the largest population of Thestral Ponies in Equestria, besides Canterlot of course, the latter being our home city. Las Pegasus tends to be a bit more accepting of the Lunarkind, but even still, there were some sticklers that still held onto… ‘older traditions’.
“Erm… sometimes, but I’ve been pretty fortunate. I know some other Thestrals that have definitely had worse times than me.” I take a drink. “I’m not really one who puts up with that kind of stuff. You can’t let what others think get to you, you know?”
She seems to think about what I said for a moment, and I briefly wonder if the question had a deeper meaning. She is a Unicorn after all; maybe some of her family shares those old views?
“Why do you ask, anyway?” I inquire. “Is it related to your family?”
She blinks. “What?”
“You know, you’re a Unicorn. Your family probably doesn’t take too well to Thestrals, right?”
“O-oh, yeah. They don’t really take too well to ponies that are different…”
“Hmmph. I bet they give you a lot of flack for thinking otherwise, huh?”
She shifts around uncomfortably. “I... don’t really like talking about them.”
“Oh, that’s understandable. Let’s talk about you, then. I don’t think we ever shared names?”
Her head turns. “...Glow,” she says simply.
“Glow,” I repeat, she nods her head.
“And you’re Dusk Glider,” the psychic predicts, causing my ears to perk up. “I saw your name on tonight's listings.” She points a hoof over to the blackboard on the brick wall where both Kix’s and my names are written beside our timeslot. Okay, maybe not that psychic.
The corner of my mouth pulls up. “Very observant of you,” I point out, making her blush softly. “So, tell me, uh… Glow. What brings you here tonight?” I ask. She looks down, thinking. I explain, “I know I asked you before but... it didn’t seem like you really had an answer.”
“I uh... I know Gig, kinda. I install some of the lights here during the day. He invited me to come tonight to see what it’s like during business hours and... I didn’t really want to say ‘no’.” I watch as she lifts a hoof to pick up her glass of ginger ale that had been untouched till now.
“Well... that explains why I’ve never seen you here... be... fore...” I trail off as I see her foreleg slowly stretch out across the bar table, shaking and trembling. But it's not the shaking that gives me pause as much as just how thin it is, which, as I look closer, I now realize isn’t that different from the rest of her body at all.
Good Luna, how did I not notice this before? She’s nothing more than skin, fur, and bone.
“Y-yeah... I’m still not sure if it’s really my thing… I mean, I-I liked your set and everything,” she adds, hoof still trembling as she takes the tiniest sip of ale. “There’s just... a lot of ponies here.” She shivers.
Skinny, skinny, skinny, I think, glancing all over at her, from head to hoof. How could I have missed that? I don’t usually miss these sorts of things. I look away quickly, in case she notices me, gazing out over the dancefloor and seating area. It’s not a very busy night, probably only one-third capacity.
“There’s not that many ponies here tonight.” I point out.
She mumbles something under her breath about messy eating, before coming to. “Uh, oh! Y-yeah... n-no it’s not really that bad,” she sputters, a glimmer of a pained expression crosses her face.
I pause, slowly facing her. “So... what’s the problem, then?” I ask calmly.
It becomes deathly silent between us as Glow struggles to come up with an answer. “...I, uh...” Her thin body caves in on itself as she shrinks away from me, eyes darting around the venue. “I…”
I sigh as the bartender comes back with our food. “It’s alright. I shouldn’t be prying anyhow; it’s not my business. Let’s just eat.”
I turn to the stack of fluffy waffles, glistening syrup and butter cascading down the sides. Wisps of steam come off the top, visible in the overhead lights, and I find that Glow really did have the right idea. Already, she’s teaching me a thing or two.
“Well, dinner- or, breakfast, I guess, is here,” I say, as the plate is slid in front of me.
I look back at Glow, who stares back at the stack with a small, barely noticeable frown on her lips.
“Oh, shoot,” I say. “I forgot to ask for two plates.”
“Uh… that’s alright. I a-actually just remembered I have a lot of leftovers at home... from a picnic I went to earlier today.”
“Oh, no. I don’t mind sharing a plate,” I insist, sliding the plate and my spare fork between the two of us.
I watch as her lips tremble ever so slightly, and her gaze is fixed somewhere past the plate. She picks up the fork in a blueish-purple aura and dips it towards the stack, breaking off a minuscule amount near the bottom and floating it up to her mouth.
I look at her as she eats. It’s like watching a golem. Artificial and mesmerizing. She eats at a pace that is slow enough to not seem hungry, but not slow enough to appear like she’s savoring the flavor either.
But she’s so thin, how is she not scarfing down those waffles right now? I look down, considering it some more. And now that I think about it, why was she so hesitant to accept my offer for dinner in the first place? It’s almost as if she doesn’t want to eat anything at al-
Anorexic.
The realization hits me like a brick. Oh, dear Luna, she’s anorexic.
I almost feel stupid for not connecting the dots earlier. It explains absolutely everything. She’s not merely shy, she’s ashamed of herself. That’s why she tries to avoid everypony.
Now what? I think, looking back at her. I can’t just casually bring something like that up with her, but I can’t ignore it, either. So, what do I do?
Fuck, can’t think on an empty stomach. I look at the waffles, grabbing a fork and moving to break off my own piece. As I thoughtfully move the waffle to my maw and chew, I return my gaze over to Glow.
She had stopped eating, her eyes looking somewhere past the plate, over in my direction. I am about to ask what’s wrong (even though I’m fairly sure what the problem is now,) but then she lifts her fork again, suspending it far up into the air. The utensil makes no further movement. I think about talking once again, but then a strange feeling quickly overcomes me. Like something is squeezing around my heart, making it hard to breathe. But also much… deeper. Like something way far inside of me is being encompassed. I let out a cough, touching a hoof to my chest and the feeling disappears as quickly as it started.
A fork clatters to the countertop to my left and I turn my head. Glow stares back with wide, searching, slightly teary eyes. “I-I should get going now. It’s very late,” she says with a concerned expression. I hope I didn’t scare her off, making her think I was sick with a cold or something.
“Wait, w-what do you mean?” I ask.
“I...I have to leave now, I’m sorry. Y-your set was very entertaining… you have a great singing voice,” she says, slipping off of the barstool.
My ears fold back. Why is she leaving now? I wonder, feeling disappointed. We were just starting to get somewhere. I didn’t know why I suddenly cared so much. There’s just something about her that feels... sad. And not even ‘rainy day’ sad, more like ‘stormcloud that follows you around wherever you go’ kind of sad. It's like she’s fighting something, maybe even herself, every step of the way. It’s easy to see, honestly. I’ve seen plenty of ponies down on their luck in my lifetime, but this mare -- I really feel like I want to help her. No, I need to help her.
“Well, hold on now!” I nearly yell out. “Why don’t I walk you home?” I offer. “We can pack the rest of this stuff up to go while I grab my case.” She stands there, looking at the plate and then back to me without saying anything. “Just wait here; I’ll be back in no time at all,” I say, hopping off the stool and trotting over towards the backstage door in a hurry.
For some reason, I just can’t let her go.
****
Why did you come here tonight Glow? I berate myself.
I knew how risky it would be, and yet I still allowed myself to be silver-tongued into showing up. A few nibbles here and there on a job well done, or a friendly passing hello during a walk. That’s how I’m supposed to do things. Not… not like this. What I did- What I came so close to doing; I’d never forgive myself. I’d be what I swore never to become.
She was so sweet too. I mentally slap myself. I hope I didn’t hurt her too much. I remember her coughing. Oh, Celestia. She must’ve not been able to breathe. What in Equestria is wrong with me?! I look at the boxed up waffles on the countertop. She even bought me dinner. One more thing that’ll go to waste on my account.
I sigh. Why am I still here? I’m only going to cause more pain.
I look at the backstage door across the dancefloor, and then at the exit. She’ll be upset about me ditching her -- I felt it the moment I said I had to leave. I can’t trust myself, though. I already slipped up once tonight. I need to get away from these ponies, at least until I can gather enough ambient kindness to satisfy myself. Just a little. That way, I won’t hurt anyone.
I take one last look at the backstage door, making sure it’s still closed. Once I see it is, I turn on my hooves, heading straight for the exit not more than six meters away, quickly making my way out of the venue without another moment's hesitation.
The springtime air is still warm, even hours past sundown. It does nothing to ease the coldness I feel inside. I make a right and start trotting up the street at a brisk pace, trying to put enough distance between myself and the venue. The street is well lit, with many neon shop signs buzzing in their respective storefronts. Many of them were made by me, being on the same street as my shop. I may have to start looking for clients further into the city; sooner or later nobody around here is going to need me.
I slow down, being three blocks away from the venue now. I lower my head to catch my breath.
Celestia, when did I get so tired? I ask myself, leaning up against a brick wall. It feels as if I just ran a marathon, and all I did was trot a couple city blocks. My shoulder slides down the rough surface as I sit down, although the pain is numb to me. I look down at my body, lifting a hoof. My leg, like an ocean-blue towel, draped over a stick. I feel so hollow, so terribly empty, allowing the wind to blow through my core. I exhale sharply and something wet begins rolling down either side of my cheeks. My eyes feel warm, in stark contrast with the rest of my cold body. I begin to shake.
“Glow! Wait!” A familiar voice calls from behind me.
No, no, no. Please just go away. I think as I hear her land on silent wings, and then some huffing. Go away, go away, go away. More tears fall down my face as I push off from the wall. I turn around to watch Dusk Glider, as she trots up the street with a long case between her wings.
“Slow down for a second!” she says.
“No!” I squeeze the word out of my clenched throat. “S-stay away, y-you don’t understand!” I say, my voice trembling. It seems to work as she slows down to a stop, before tilting her head.
“What do you mean?” she asks, taking a tiny step forward.
“I-I-I’m not a g-good companion.” I begin, desperately thinking of an excuse. “I’m s-s-sick. Sick in the head! I’m a… a-a sociopath. Yeah! I only c-c-care about m-myself.” I finally get out.
Celestia, the shaking. I’m almost buzzing now. Tears flow down my cheeks heavily, as I backpedal down the street, step by step.
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Dusk Glider points out, taking another step towards me.
"Just please... s-stay away. I'm not a good pony to be around." I sob, still backing up.
"What- why would you even say that? Nothing you're going through’s your fault!"
"Ngh- you- you don't get it!" I say, stumbling off the edge of the curb and falling into the cross street. I land with a grunt, scrapping my shoulder in the process. I make an effort to stand quickly, but I’m so weak that I roll onto my side instead, practically vibrating.
Something hits the sidewalk and hoofsteps hurry over to my side. “Glow, are you alright?” I glance up at the mare, who looks down at me concerningly.
“P-please just go,” I squeak out quickly. “You w-wouldn’t understand.”
She moves over to me and I stare at her hooves, only a couple inches away. “I think I do,” she says, leaning down. Her next words drive a spike through me. A spike of fear.
“I know what you are.”
I begin to vibrate, and a thousand voices cry out in my head, repeating.
Cast. Fly. Run. Change. Hide.
Cast. Fly. Run. Change. Hide.
Cast. Fly. Run. Change. Hide.
Cast. Fly. Run. Change. Hide.
I sit there, wide-eyed with my mouth held open, stammering. I beg for it to stop, but the fear is too much. How can she know? How can she possibly know?
“But, Glow-” Dusk Glider catches my attention, and the voices stop, “-It doesn't matter to me. Honestly.” She kneels down in front of me. “I can look beyond it, even if nopony else has done that for you before." Her fiery eyes lock with mine, burning like the red sun. “I know what it’s like to be treated differently.”
I can feel the genuineness in her. It’s a taste beyond mere sympathy and it takes me a long moment to figure it out. Understanding. A very, very rare emotion. But it isn’t for me. No, it can’t be. I reach out, searching. Trying to get a taste of the emotions I know should be there. Fear. Betrayal. Disgust. Hatred. But they aren’t.
She doesn’t know, she can’t. “W-what is it that you th-think I am?” I ask, shivering.
She raises an eyebrow. “Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it?” she asks.
I flinch at the word ‘obvious’, but remain silent.
She goes on to explain: "You don't seem to enjoy eating anything even slightly solid -- you barely looked at that waffle as you were eating it; you avoid ponies because you think they'll judge you for what you are; and, to top it all off, you're as skinny as a drinking straw!” she exclaims. “Seems like you haven't been fed in a long time.” Her voice softens. “There is only one kind of person I can think of that has all those characteristics."
This isn’t possible, I try to rationalize. I would have felt it. I would have known.
I think hard about what she said, everything that she pointed out.
You complete fool, I berate myself. You sloppy, incompetent fool. I look up at Dusk Glider slowly.
“I don’t want to hurt you. I promise,” she says with a small smile, the tips of her fangs poking out from underneath.
"O-okay, you're r-right,” I whisper as I shake, quickly adding “B-but you can’t say anything here. Somepony could be listening.”
She nods, her slitted pupils looking left to right discreetly. “Do you have a place to stay?”
I nod back. “I have a shop... just up the road a little ways.” I point a trembling hoof in its direction.
She looks up to where I pointed. “Okay,” she half-whispers. “Can I walk you there?”
I look down at her hooves and then back to her vermillion eyes, thinking. She looks back at me, hanging on my waiting reply. I can feel the anxiousness in her. Finally, I speak up, answering with a simple “Yes,” and she relaxes.
She walks back over to her case and picks it up by its strap with a talon, swinging it over her back and between her wings. “Alright,” she says, turning around. “Lead the way.”
****
I look back over my shoulder for what must be the hundredth time -- at least, that’s what it feels like. Dusk Glider still trails closely behind, her ears standing up every time I turn around. Eventually, we reach the end of the street. A skinny two-story building sits on the corner, crushed between two much larger ones.
“This is it,” I say, pointing to the front of the shop. A bluish-purple neon sign buzzes in the long window out front, reading ‘Glow’s Signage and Lighting’.
“You make all of these?” I turn to face Dusk Glider. She stands near the window, looking at the glowing cursive letters.
“Mmm-hmm,” I nod, using my magic to grab the key from above the front awning.
“Wow,” she breathes out. “How do you make them?” she asks excitedly.
I rub my leg with the bend in my hoof. “Uhm… i-it’s kind of hard to explain,” I say sheepishly. I look around once more, confirming that nobody else is close by. “You can come in if you’d like,” I say softly, unlocking the front door.
Dusk Glider nods and moves up behind me as I open the door, stepping in right after me. I look right and then left, making sure the coast is clear before shutting the door and locking it.
I turn around, realizing just how dark the hallway is. “S-sorry, I’m used to keeping it pretty dark in here,” I explain, reaching for the light switch.
“No no, it’s alright,” Dusk Glider assures. She points up at herself in the dark. “Thestral, remember?” she says proudly.
My mood drops somewhat as I stand there, recalling what we were here for. Dusk Glider seems to notice as well. Moving up closer to me and nodding.
I swallow hard. “Are… are you sure?” I ask hesitantly.
"You can't deal with this alone anymore. Just tell me everything -- start from the beginning,” she says in a caring voice.
I shiver, thinking back. I can’t possibly tell her about all of that, I say to myself. Nor do I want too. I look over to her. She stands there, patiently waiting, ready to listen. Something nopony else has ever done for me. I press up against the metal door, shaking even more than before.
It feels so cold. So empty. She’s right, I can’t deal with this by myself anymore. I look down. I’m dying. I know it. I’ve known it for a long time now, and she knows it too. Even then… I don’t know if that’s such a terrible thing.
I slide down the metal door, shutting my eyes tightly. Wet tears dribble down my cheeks and onto the stone floor. Hoofsteps approach, and Dusk Glider takes a seat just in front of me.
She speaks softly in a level tone: “You don’t have to be afraid anymore, Glow. It’ll be okay,” and for the first time, I understand what’s really wrong.
I'm not just ashamed, no.
I’m afraid.
The revelation is like a frozen spear through my core.
I’m afraid of what I really am. I had just been ignoring the fact until now.
“Ok-kay,” my buzzing voice comes out, trembling. “I’ll tell you, just… p-please, help m-me.”I tilt my head down, letting the tears fall as I focus on a part inside of me that I’ve ignored for far too long.
****
Dear Luna, she must be really ashamed of her condition, I think, feeling my heartstrings tugging at Glow’s display. I’m about to say something more to comfort her when something catches my eye. A purple flame bursts out from the bottoms of her hooves, and I immediately jump back as it slowly creeps up her legs. I try crying out, but my voice dies in my throat. Teal fur burns away in large black patches, disintegrating mid-air into indigo-colored embers. Finally, the flame rushes upwards, engulfing her entire form and blowing out quickly once it reaches the very peak of her horn.
I un-shield my eyes, not even remembering moving my leg up to cover them. Glow is no longer there. In her place sits a shivering, black creature, so thin and so filled with holes that I’m amazed it doesn't snap in on itself. The creature looks up at me with opaque violet eyes and tears running down its white-painted face.
A changeling.
It -- no, she -- lies there against the metal door in a buzzing, crying heap.
“You’re- you’re not anorexic?” I ask dumbly.
She looks up at me, still sobbing. “Wh-what’s ‘a-a-anorexic’?” she asks back, in a noticeably female, but dual-toned voice.
“An eating disorder,” I say in a daze. “They don’t eat and get all skinny looking… I thought that’s what you were.”
Her eyes widen, like blue-purple globes. “Y-y-you didn’t… you didn’t know?!” she cries out, making a strange chittering sound as she shakes. “Oh, Celestia, p-p-please don’t call The Gua-ard!” she hiccups, pulling into a tight ball. “I’ll- I’ll do whatever you want. P-please.”
It takes a moment for me to get over the initial shock of Glow's apparent self-immolation. I stand up and take a look down at her, finally able to think more clearly.
Okay, I have options here, I think. I could turn her in -- that would probably be the safest move.
I look at her again. A sad, pitiful thing peaks its purple eyes over its two front hooves. It takes up as much empty space as empty space takes up of it.
No, She, I remember.
She, tries scooting back against the door further. Glow’s not at all like the kind of changelings I’ve heard about; right about the furthest thing from them, in fact.
My ears fold back. I can’t call The Guard on her. I just can’t. Why would I even think about doing that anyways? That’s just selfish.
I look at the door behind her. I could maybe leave and pretend none of this ever happened, I think, looking up above the shivering form and to the doorknob.
No, I can’t do that either. There’s no way I can walk out of here and not feel bad.
Which only leaves one other option…
Turning back to Glow, I slowly step forward, cautiously walking over to her still chittering form.
“W-what are you doing?!” she asks me, watching my progress. She covers her eyes again when I get close enough, shaking like a leaf.
I lower myself to the floor, scooting up right next to her. “Helping you,” I reply matter-of-factly.
“What- what do you m-m-mmph-”
I cut her off. “Shhh,” I coo, placing one of my hooves up against her lips. “You don’t have to be scared now,” I say, wrapping one of my thestral wings around her back and pulling her close to my chest. She makes a sound not unlike a cricket when I do so. She goes on to say something more but stops, her eyes drooping.
“Oooh… w-wow.” she breathes out, fresh tears leak out of her gradient, half-lidded eyes and her small curved horn lights up.
I feel her breathing quicken, coming in intermittent gasps. The feeling from earlier at the venue comes back too, a bit different this time. It doesn't feel heavy at all, instead, it feels more like a gentle hug around a part deep inside of me. Over time, the feeling grows into a tighter embrace, not at all unwelcoming. In fact, it feels euphoric.
I notice hesitant hooves slowly wrap around my sides, holding me close. I look down at her with sleepy eyes and see her little effervescent wings fluttering behind her back.
“How long have you been like this?” I ask quietly.
“Six years now,” she whispers without hesitation.
I shake my head softly. “Good Luna… you poor thing.” I squeeze her tighter.
“C-C-Celestia,” she says under her breath. “It’s- it’s so good.” I think I hear her moan.
“Well... take as much as you like,” I say, relaxing and closing my eyes. “I’m not going anywhere.” Suddenly the feeling stops and a pair of hooves presses against my chest firmly.
“Nnngh- no,” Glow pushes away from me. “Th-that’s not me. I don’t need it.”
I feel almost hurt, spreading my wings out wide. “Wh-what?” I ask, confused.
"I don't need to steal love!" she cries. "I've been going just fine without it! I can get by with earning gratitude," she rationalizes. "A-and nibbling on ambient feelings here and there without anypony noticing."
“No! You're fine!” I blurt out. “You weren’t stealing anything!”
“I was! Didn’t you feel it?”
So, she knew about that, huh? I think, looking down for a bit.
Then, I raise my head, locking eyes with her. “Glow,” I inch forward. “It felt… amazing. I didn’t even know something could feel that good.” I say, feeling my cheeks heat up.
She looks back at me like I’ve gone crazy. “I-It’s supposed to feel like- like your heart is being crushed.”
I shake my head, smiling. “Not at all,” I begin, thinking about how it felt. “It felt like a hug… the best hug I’ve ever had in my whole life.”
Glow is shocked. “A- a hug?” she asks skeptically.
I stand up from my spot on the floor and look around the dimly lit corridor, spotting a couch just around the corner. “Look, whatever you think I felt,” I say, trotting over to it and taking a seat. “It was the complete opposite.” She follows me over but stops at the entrance, waiting for me to continue. “It feels like I’m being hugged, but on the inside… It- It’s kind of hard to explain.” I run a hoof through my hair. “But it didn’t hurt. Not in the slightest.”
“Not at all?” Glow asks, sounding more like a question for herself.
I shake my head again. “No, not at all,” I repeat, thinking about the feeling. “In fact, I would really like it if you were to do it again.” I pat the sofa cushion directly beside me.
Her wings buzz a few times as she looks between me and the spot before she finally makes a cautious step into the room. It takes a while for her to make it to the couch, stopping right in front of it with her head down.
“Can you uhm… hold me again? Please,” she asks, embarrassed.
I answer by firmly taking hold of her front hoof and pulling her into my embrace, my wings fold around her back almost automatically causing her to chirp like a cricket once again, which, I find rather adorable, even though it's a bit strange. “Start feeding,” I command.
I feel her body relax in my hooves and her legs slowly wrap around me. “Luna,” she whispers. “This must be a dream.”
I let out a long yawn, feeling my translucent wings fluttering behind me. I don’t feel nearly as stiff this morning. In fact, I almost feel good. Almost.
I give a low hum as I stretch my back and snuggle into whatever it is I’m lying next to. Interestingly, I don’t recall my pillow being anywhere near this soft; perhaps my senses are finally coming back to me. I’d much rather enjoy the feeling than to worry, though, so I hardly bother to think about it.
I push my face into the softness and breath in deeply. The pleasant scent of fermented cherries fills my nose. Strange. Could I have spilled something on myself last night? I wonder.
Last night.
I quickly lift my head, horn bumping against something as my eyes shoot open. The ‘something’ sturs. “Mmhm…” A hoof wraps around my back and pulls me in. “Good morning,” a voice mumbles sleepily.
My confusion quickly washes away as my mind is flooded with the previous night’s events. Already, I feel awake; lucid, but I can hardly move with the stiffness within my spine. “You’re... still here?” I utter flatly, the question more so meant for myself.
Dusk Glider pulls away slightly eyeing me curiously. “What do you mean? Of course I'm still here.”
With her head now out of the way, I sit up, scooting away from her. I hardly believe what I see in front of me, even more so what I just heard. I glance away. “I just… uh, expected to be waking up to The Guard knocking on my front door,” I say. “That… or maybe I thought last night was… well, just a dream,” I say in a lower voice, tapping my hooves together, embarrassed.
She smiles. “I wouldn’t have done that to you,” she assures.
I look down. “You might as well have…”
I don’t see her expression, but I can already smell her shock at my words. “What? Why?”
I shake my head, my lips curling into a frown. “I’m a changeling, Dusk Glider. ” I face her.. “I- I don’t mean to offend you, but, we’re… we’re monsters. You’re crazy for staying here.”
Her eyebrows furrow. “Monsters?! Excuse me?” she says, taken aback. “You’re saying that I’m a monster?!”
My eyes widen.. “Nonono! I- I meant… w-we, as in, my own kind,” I hastily explain with flattened ears, holding a hollow hoof to my chest.
Her own ears fold back as well. “Oh,” she says awkwardly, looking away.
Neither of us speaks a word for quite a while. We sit apart, mere inches away from each other. I look out of the corner of my eye every now and again, watching Dusk Glider trace shapes in the couch cushions.
I smell the guilt coming off of her. She feels inadequate – slowly, I start to feel the same. She had fed me, and then I returned the favor by calling her a monster. The least I can do now is show some gratitude.
Sighing, I turn towards her. “Thank you.” Dusk Glider looks over to me with an ear standing tall, slightly surprised. “For feeding me.”
Her emotions soften. “Oh, it’s not a problem at all. Like I said last night, it felt wonderful,” she says, beaming.
I cringe as I feel the happiness blowing up against me, fluttering my wings as if that would blow it away. It smells delightful, but all it tells me is that she still doesn’t understand what she's doing in the slightest. She’s making a mistake. A terrible, terrible mistake.
My head droops. I know what I must say, but I don’t think I’ll be able to look her in the eye when I say it. Still, it must be done. Not just for my own sake, but for hers as well.
“You should leave,” I tell her, my voice monotonous.
The hurt that flows out from Dusk Glider is almost instantaneous. I can’t help but shiver as it runs against my skin. The mere thought of having to push her away was bad enough, but the sheer rawness of the emotion sends a tear streaking down my cheek.
Gulping, I continue, trying my best to not let my voice shake: “Y-you could get in trouble, being around me. If- if somepony sees you…” I stop. I can’t go on. I can only hope she gets the point by now.
I look down at my hooves, still black and chitinous. Immediately, I grit my teeth and shut my eyes. I forgot about that.
Focusing deep within me, a purple flash lights up the room as my carapace is ripped away and replaced with fur, body tingling shortly afterwards. Already, the hollowness has returned in full. I slump into my seat, looking down at my blue coat to confirm the transformation worked before glancing over to Dusk Glider.
Her eyes are slightly narrow. She’s upset. “...Hmmph. And what if I don’t want to go?” she challenges loudly.
I was already nervous when I sensed her agitation, but now I’m more than that: I’m scared. “W-what? Wh-what do you mean?” I chitter.
Her eyebrows furrowed completely now. She leaps off of the sofa, facing away. “You've been starving for love for- how long was it? I don't know, but you said it was years. Years! And you expect me to just walk away and let you keep living like that all over again?!” She stomps the floor as she stops in the center of the room. Then, she spins around, staring right through me. “Well, guess what? There’s not a chance in Tartarus that I’m leaving you, Glow. And that’s final! I’m staying right…” she sits down on the floor, closing her eyes and crossing her forelegs. “...here!”
Actually, I’m not scared anymore; I’m now fearing for my life.
****
I’m reasonably proud of my display at first. I thought I got my point across pretty well. But my pride quickly dissipates when I peak a single eye open, only to find the whites around Glow’s formerly ocean-blue eyes having turned red.
She sniffles loudly, bottom lip trembling. “You don’t get it,” she says dryly, looking down. “I’ve always been hungry. Always! It’s the way us changelings are, and it’s the way we- I, will always be. Tears now steadily run down Glow’s face, darkening her light-blue coat in their wake. “You can’t stay here, Dusk Glider. You’re putting your life on the line. I’m an animal, and not just any animal: a starving animal. Do you know what an animal that’s starving does? They don’t think twice before ripping apart whatever’s in front of them to shreds!”
I stare as more tears run down Glow’s cheeks. I barely know what to say, or even what to think.
She sniffles again. “I spend every waking second, every minute, every hour of every day trying to… contain myself. And there’s no end in sight; it’ll never stop!” She looks up at me. “I’m barely able to keep it together as is, and n-now you want to stay here with me?” Her lips tremble even more than before, indigo flames igniting at the base of her hooves.
My eyes widen, but I remain unmoving.
“I can smell it c-c-coming off of you,” she vibrates, “a-all the love. All of t-that sweet, sweet l-love… I- I w-wouldn’t be able to control myself. W-w-what if I end up t-t-taking too much one t-time? What then?!” she yells out, voice rising in volume. “What if I HURT you by mistake!?” she finally sobs out, looking at me with frightened eyes, which crackled with purple fire.
I feel a bit more spooked from her outburst than I’d like to admit. It takes a bit of courage to continue holding my ground.
“...W-what if I can’t stop myself?” she chokes, collapsing in on herself as she starts sniffling quietly.
I watch her, silent. I don’t know what to do anymore. She isn’t just starving – she wants to be starving. Maybe she isn’t that different from an anorexic after all. I figured there was something up with this filly the moment I first saw her at the venue, but now? Now, I’m just depressed.
Hay, I can even feel my own eyes starting to water. And the more I stare at the sniffling mess in front of me, the sadder I get. My throat is tightening and I find it hard to breathe. I lift a hoof up to my face, wiping the wetness out from my blurring vision. It’s not too much later that a single sniffle escapes from my nostrils as I try taking deep breaths, trying to calm myself.
You poor, poor thing, I think as another one of my tears drops to the floor. Why would anyone look at you and say that you deserve this?
I can’t bear to sit here idly any longer; it’s too painful. Wiping the wetness against my foreleg again, I take one final deep breath and stand up from my spot, slowly making my way to the foot of the couch.
“Glow... you won’t do that,” I say gently, trying my best to comfort her.
She jumps and hurries away towards the back of the couch, violently shaking her head. “H-how do you know I won’t? You barely even know me, Dusk Glider.”
I stop, furrowing my brow. She was right. I didn’t really know her, but it felt like I did. I was alone with her, in her home, where nopony else knew my whereabouts. Not only that, but I had stayed the whole night, even after I knew what she really was. Good Luna, she really could have hurt me. But that was it: she didn’t hurt me. She doesn’t want to.
I smile, finally knowing what to say. “Come on, just think about it. If you were really going to take too much, why didn't you do it the first chance you got? You must've been really starving last night, so if you were going to take too much without thinking, it would've already happened.”
She sniffles, peeking over at me from behind her hooves. “W-what if being around you is too overwhelming?” she asks hoarsely. “It’d probably only take weeks before I eventually just… snap.”
”Well,” I start, inching closer to her, “let me ask you this: do you want to hurt me, Glow?” She shakes her head quickly, as if she were terrified from the mere notion of doing such a thing. “Then you won't. It's as simple as that,” I say confidently.
Though her sobbing had stopped a while ago, she still sniffles once more, rubbing her eyes with a hoof. “I don’t trust myself,” she says, glancing down at my hooves as I stop before the sofa.
I hop up onto it, quickly wrapping my wings around her back. “I trust you,” I whisper to her. She tenses at first, but gradually relaxes, finally leaning forward and resting her head against my chest. Her horn presses against my cheek, but I don’t let that bother me, simply placing my hoof onto her mane and stroking it gently.
We stay like that for quite a while, content with enjoying each other’s company.
Good things don’t last, however, as I hear a muffled groan, followed by the sensation of Glow’s shivering body.
My ears perk up. “What is it, what’s wrong?” I ask, pulling back and looking down at her.
“N-nothing,” she replies in a low tone. “Everything’s fine.” A small wince gives her away.
“Doesn’t seem fine,” I press.
Glow’s pupils slowly meet mine, hesitating. She then tilts her head sideways, the edge of her face resting on the cushion. A faraway look enters her eyes. “It’s... bottomless,” she says, barely above a whisper.
I pause, contemplating. “What is?”
She looks up at me worriedly, but remains silent.
Sighing, I try to coax it out of her. “Glow, you can’t keep all your struggles to yourself anymore. Trust me, I know quite a bit about that. It doesn’t end well. It never does,” I tell her.
She glances down, remaining fixated on the floor momentarily before eventually looking back, parting her lips and taking a deep breath. “...It’s the hollow inside of me,” she begins.
I lean back on the couch, waiting patiently for her to continue.
Glow lets out a shaky breath before she speaks, “The place where all the emotions go. It-… it’s so big,” she struggles to explain, “and empty.”
I continue to listen, watching her place a hoof on her skinny abdomen, halfway between her heart and stomach.
“It’s like… I’m a m-mountain, tunneled to the point of collapse,” she breathes in sharply. “And I’m trying to fill it up again... with tiny grains of sand.”
I look her up and down, considering her words. “Use me, then,” I say. “Use me to fill it up.”
She turns her head to me. “It wouldn’t be enough,” she states, shaking her head slowly.
“Wh- why not?” I ask, confused.
“Bottomless,” she repeats plainly, looking back away. “Nothing can fill it.”
Silence. “...Not even me?” I say after a while.
She turns her head over to me with a sad look in her eyes. “It would hurt you,” she says in a trance, then clarifies: “I’d have to steal the emotion from you and it would be painful. It would be like no other kind of suffering you would have ever felt before in your life. Once I start feeding, you’ll already be able to feel it slipping away from you. You’d run out of love to give, long before I would be satisfied… and then, you’d feel nothing. Your mind reduced to nothing more than an empty husk of a mare,” she finishes dramatically.
I put a hoof to my chin. As scary as all of that sounded, there are still flaws in her reasoning. “You wouldn’t be taking anything, Glow. I’d be giving it to you.”
She shakes her head. “You can’t give anything, you don’t actually love me, Dusk Glider, and even if you wanted to…” she stops. “I’m a changeling. You can’t love me; it’s impossible.”
My heart quickens and my brow furrows. Nopony tells me who I can and can’t love, I think angrily. And even if it isn’t really love, that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try. I lean forward with confidence and plant a kiss ferociously on Glow’s cheek. It lasts only for a second and tastes salty from her tears, but the message is clear. “I’m going to have to disagree with you on that,” I say to her.
Glow looks back at me, shocked, her mouth hanging open. She rubs the place my lips made contact with her hoof and looks down at the floor. Then, her eyes slowly rise to my chest before returning to my hooves. She repeats the process a few more times before finally coming to rest on my pupils.
I already know what she’s yearning to do, and I yearn for her to do it as well; she just needs one final push. “Go ahead, do it,” I say. “I want this.”
Glow lets out a long breath and lets her eyes close. She’s ashamed, I can see it in her face. I open my mouth to assure her that it’s okay once more when, all of a sudden, she starts feeding. I close my own eyes as well, relaxing into the couch as I prepare to lose myself in the feeling.
But the feeling I’m looking for never comes. Or, at least, it doesn’t come in the way I expect.
It’s rough, like somepony grabbing me firmly and forcefully throwing me down, pinning the small part within me to the ground. Whereas last time it was all blissfully warm, now it’s freezing. It feels like I’m at the bottom of an immensely deep, empty cave, the floor coarse and damp. And it’s dark. Crushingly dark, the blackness too thick for even my Thestral eyes to pierce.
Suddenly, the sound of rain echoes far above me. My eyes go wide against the darkness. No, I breathe out, not the rain. I try to stand against the force that still pins me to the rough stone, but it’s all in vain. The rain grows closer, I still attempt to break free. It’s no use. A drop falls onto my head and, soon, the cave is filling up with water. Thunder crackles, echoing across the cavern. I panic and thrash around even more, ice-cold liquid pooling around my chest. I can still barely move. Eventually, the water creeps up to my maw, slipping into my throat, choking me.
Dear Luna, SOMEPONY PLEASE HELP ME! I scream out in my mind.
In response, it all stops as suddenly as it started, the phantom menace expelled from my body. I open my eyes wide, gasping for air, though, only to meet the terrified stare of the mare across from me.
“I- I hurt you, didn’t I?” she asks, shaking.
“No!” I blurt out far louder than I mean to, causing her to flinch. “It- It was just a bit different... from last time, that’s all,” I think on the fly.
She shakes her head back and forth. “You’re lying, I can feel it. Something happened, and it wasn’t good.”
“I… uh...” I struggle to grasp for an explanation as her lips begin to tremble again. “Nonono, please! It was nothing, I swear!” I say quickly. “It was only a little cold, I could get used to it!” I add stupidly, internally slapping myself in the forehead once I realize I’ve revealed the exact thing I was trying to keep from her.
“I did hurt you, I knew it!” she cries out.
“Glow! Please! You weren't hurting anything! I was a little cold – maybe the slightest bit wet, that’s all” I shiver, remembering how I was drowning.
“You’re leaving parts out,” she says, starting to vibrate, “aren’t you? You’re trying to make me feel better about it. I can smell the sympathy.”
“I- uh... uh…” I flounder, not knowing how to explain this one away.
“I shouldn’t have let you talk me into doing that,” she says quietly, looking like she was trying to hold back tears. “I told you, you can’t love me.”
“No!” I suddenly shout. “I don’t care what you say! Or what it’ll feel like – I don’t even care if it’ll feel like that every time from now on!” I get out, feeling something trickle down my cheek. “You’re killing yourself, Glow! I’m not going to let you do that!” I crumple into the cushions, whipping my wet cheeks. “I just can't.”
“Why are you trying so hard?” Glow asks in an even tone.
“Because,” I say without thinking, “I have to prove that anypony can be loved.”
“Because you’re a Lunarpony?” she asks with sad eyes, making me raise my head.
...Oh, Luna. She’s right. I’m not merely worried about her; I’m trying to make a point with all of this, too. How did I not even think about it that way, before? I always know why I do the things I do...
I sigh, nodding. “Yes. Because I’m a Lunarpony. And because I hate it when ponies look at us and think we’re all vermin, not deserving of anything but the back end of their hoof.” I look down, and then back up. “But, that’s not the only reason I’m doing all of this. I care about you, Glow. You know that; you feel it, don’t you?”
She looks me up and down, nodding back
“See? It’s love. So why can’t I give it to you?”
Glow stares off into space for a moment, thinking. “Because I’m a changeling, Dusk Glider, not a pony.”
A fire grows in my chest. “How many times do I need to say this? I don’t care what you are!” I say firmly.
She looks back at me with a solemn face. “So, what do you want me to do, then? Hurt you every time I feel empty? That would be all thetime Dusk Glider. I can’t do that to you,” she illustrates, adding, “to anypony.”
I sit there silently, thinking. I look at her from head to hoof and then back again, nothing coming to mind but just how disheartening the situation was. I desperately want to help her, I just don’t know how...
“What are you looking at?” she asks me calmly. I realize I’m still staring.
“I don't... know…” I reply, looking down at her skinny body. She transformed almost as soon as she woke up, I thought, even though I’m the only one here. I return to her eyes. “It’s just… well, it's your disguise.”
Her ears fold back and she swallows hard. “W-what about it?” she asks, glancing down at herself and back to me. “I-Is there something wrong? Did I make the tail too long? Is my mane the right color? W-what is it?”
“It’s none of that,” I say. “You have to hide yourself from everypony just because they think you’re a monster,” I analyze. “And you know what? Something tells me that, deep down, you believe that, too.”
My words having surprised her, it takes a while for Glow to speak again. “Everyone’s scared when they see me. Even you, I felt it the moment I showed you,” she reveals. “I don’t believe it for nothing... you... you haven’t seen what I’ve done.” Her head drifts off to the side, dazed.
The fire inside of me grows once more. “I don’t care what you’ve done!” I say. “You can’t keep thinking about yourself like this.” With no response from her, I continue: “You put that disguise on as soon as you woke up, even when I was the only pony around. Why?”
“Because I don’t want to be anypony else!” Glow answers immediately. “It hurts every time I have to be reminded that I’m anything other than this.” She points a hoof at herself. “This is who I am.”
“But it isn’t!” I cry out. “The Unicorn I see in front of me isn’t you, It’s only a facade.”
“Well, it isn’t a facade to me! It’s been the real me for six years,” she says, “and it would have been me for so much longer if I didn’t screw up,” she adds harshly, though it seems that last part was directed towards herself.
I close my eyes, shaking my head. “Glow, please. There’s no reason to hide yourself. Just drop the disguise.”
“Why should I?” she counters.
“Because,” I say. “I’ve seen the real you, and I don’t think you’re a monster. You’re just different; you’re unique.”
“Heh,” she exhales. “Unique? You don’t even know what you’re talking about.” She looks away grimly.
“Please,” I beg.
Glow looks back at me through the corner of her eye, her face having taken on a hopeless expression. A pang of sorrow briefly runs down my spine. She stays like that for quite a while.
“...Please,” I plead, murmuring.
Finally, she frowns as purple embers rise up from her hooves, quickly catching her soft blue coat ablaze. It travels up her body swiftly and ends with a bright flash once it reaches the top of her head. There isn’t any smoke left behind, allowing me a clear view of her back chitinous form.
Her eyebrows are furrowed, glaring at the floor. “There,” she says flatly.
The sorrow is quickly replaced with relief. I let out the breath I hadn’t noticed I was holding and scoot over close to Glow, looking her up and down. “What do you think I see?” I ask her.
She glances up at me, surprised, yet retaining her upset demeanor. “A changeling,” she answers simply.
“Exactly,” I say, causing her to look up fully. “A changeling.” I feel my lips curl up into a smirk as I add, “A cute one, I’ll have you know. Not a monster – not even close.”
Glow’s eyes widen. “Y-you’re just saying that,” she denies.
I shake my head. “A monster wouldn’t care if they’re hurting somepony.”
Her eyes scan my face. She gulps, “You r-really think so?”
I nod. “Ponies call us Thestrals monsters all the time. If I thought what I said wasn’t true, I'd have to call myself one as well,” I explain. “But they’re wrong; it is true. I’m not a monster, Glow… and neither are you.”
She makes a chirp like a cricket again and holds a hoof up to her mouth. Her eyes glisten with moisture, almost making them sparkle. I notice as I cock my head that they aren’t all one color either. They have a pearlescent quality to them and grow lighter towards the centers, finally ending in an almost white ‘pupil’ that now looks back and forth across my face. I lean in to get a closer look and see that they do indeed glisten. Like The Milky Way on a moonless night.
“W-what is it?” she asks, making me notice just how close I had gotten.
“Your eyes,” I say softly and her ears perk up. “They’re beautiful!” I exclaim, looking between them.
Her mouth hangs open, bottom lip trembling. “How? How can you find me so... interesting? Nopony else can even stand to see me.” A tear drops out of her eye and trails down the white-painted part of her face.
“I don’t know,” I say shrugging. “I just know they’re missing out.”
She gasps and her eyes seem to light up even more. “You don’t mean that,” she says, shaking her head.
I place a hoof against my chin in feign thought. “You’re right,” I say. “I don’t mean it.” She blinks once. “...I really mean it.”
She wipes tears out of her eyes with a foreleg and for the first time since I met her, I see her smile. It’s small and she tries to hide it by turning her head down, but I still catch it. Two small fangs poke out from below her top lip. Both, pearly white and their tips sharp as the points of daggers.
“Now, come on. Don’t hide that from me, too,” I tease, causing her to look up at me.
“You’re doing it on purpose.” She smiles shyly, strangely, blushing in a blue hue. The white centers of her eyes look off to the side.
“Why, I don’t know what you mean,” I say, smiling back. I knew exactly what she meant.
She turns her eyes back over to me and looks up and down across my body. “You know I can tell when you’re lying, right?”
I did. “You know I can tell when a changeling is trying to hide her adorable smile from me, right?” I retort. Her smile grows even more as her blush turns into an even deeper blue. I can almost see all of her fangs when all of a sudden her eyebrows furrow and her smile fades. Finally, she looks away with a melancholy expression.
“W- what happened?” I ask, her eyes look back at me for a second before turning away again. “Was it something I said?” I ask more seriously.
“N- no… at least not directly,” she replies glumly. “I’m going to have to go out to collect soon,” she explains, fiddling with her hooves. “Being around you is j-just making it more noticeable.”
My ears perk up in confusion. “Collect what?”
She looks up in my direction. “E- em- emotions,” she says ashamedly.
“You mean from ponies?” I ask in a low tone and she nods. I raise an eyebrow. “But you have me.”
“We already tried that,” she says, avoiding my eyes. “It made you uncomfortable. And you stayed here all night! Celestia knows what kind of stuff that did to you already,” she contends.
“Glow, the only one getting hurt here is you.”
She shakes her head. “I’m afraid to take anymore Dusk Glider,” she squeaks.
I look at her, pleading. “Don’t be, please,” I say. When she doesn’t respond, I try another tactic. “By refusing to do it, I'd say you're already hurting me. The only thing that matters now is that you have something to eat,” I say with conviction.
Her wings buzz behind her back and her ears fold down. “I don't want to do this... but if it makes you happy, if it makes you stop worrying... f- fine,” she says, defeated. “But you have to promise me something, a- and don't try lying either!” she squeaks again.
I sit up instantly. “Anything!” I exclaim.
Her nostrils flare as she breathes deeply and her white irises remain fixed on me. “Promise me... if it gets too bad, you'll tell me when to stop.” She shakes and a barely noticeable second voice echoes in her words.
I take a deep breath and let it out. “I promise.”
She looks at me for a long while, contemplating. Finally, she rocks side to side and scoots over on the couch to face towards me. Her wings flutter slowly behind her, matching the anticipation and worry that are evident in her expression. Without saying anything, her small curved horn lights up in a silent purplish aura and I close my eyes.
At first, I don’t feel anything, but ever so slowly a presence enters. It’s like a cautious hoof is placed very gently against me, testing to see if it was okay.
“Go ahead, you’re alright,” I whisper.
She does, as I feel the sensation grow. The presence wraps around that part inside of me, feeling both warm and gentle. The closest comparison would be a timid hug, except more intimate and deeper than I’ve ever thought possible. I let out a surprised gasp, the feeling then withdrawing a tad.
“Y-you’re still alright?” I hear Glow ask, worriedly.
I nod my head slowly, still with my eyes closed. “Mmm-hmm... don’t stop.”
I hear her exhale and a warmth brushes up against me inside. “What’s different this time?” she questions.
I scrunch my face up in thought. “I… don’t really know, it… it just feels a whole lot better.”
“...And it doesn’t hurt at all?”
I shake my head. “No,” I breathe. “Actually, it’s just like last night…”
“Okay,” she says softly.
The feeling intensifies, holding me tighter and a light ‘swirling’ sensation joins in with the others. If I focus hard enough, it almost feels like a sphere inside of me, being softly caressed and held closely. I hear Glow’s breath quicken, coming out in quick bursts of air that blow up against the sphere.
I lean forward and flop down on top of Glow, who lets out a small surprised chirp. I hum contently as I rest my ear and a hoof against her chest. I can hear her quick heartbeat below the thick chitin covering her breast. Interestingly, it isn’t cool to the touch like I expected, even with how closely it resembles a slate of obsidian. Even more peculiar is the low buzzing sound that emanates from within her, the pattern similar to a cat purring. I find it very calming.
“It’s even better than the first time,” I say sleepily.
She tentatively wraps a hoof around me and I take the opportunity to squeeze in closer. “What does it feel like?” She asks.
I peek out of one of my eyes and think. If I use my imagination, the feeling wasn’t really a ‘sphere’ – well, it was – but it kinda felt more like…
“It’s like I’m floating,” I start. “I’m floating around in a dark space and there’s a calming presence there with me, embracing me tightly,” I explain.
An idea pops into my head. Up until now, it felt like I was simply going along for the ride. Letting Glow’s presence hold me without reciprocating. What if I were to hug back? I think.
I focus on the ‘sphere’ and imagine it growing legs. I imagine my soft, fluffy fur and my membranous wings. My evening-sky-colored mane and tail. Soon enough, I have an exact replica of myself, only much smaller. Finally, I open my eyes.
It was still dark, but instead of opaque blackness like before, it now just seemed like the space was much larger than I initially thought. And there was a light source, in fact. The presence that held me close was entirely of bluish-purple light in the shape of a small pony. It had no discernible features except for a curved horn on the top of its head, also glowing the same color.
I imagine myself leaning in and wrapping my hooves around the figure. My copy obeys. The surface of the figure’s ‘coat’ glows brighter in the areas that I make contact with. It feels electrifying, like skimming the edge of a stormcloud.
“Oh,” Glow gasps out loud. “Ho-wh-what did you just do?” she asks, holding me tighter the presence pulling me in at the exact same time
“Just thought I should return the favor,” I reply with a soft smile.
“H-how?” she questions, her chest rising and falling in quick succession.
“I don’t know…” I open my eyes slightly. “How do you do it?”
She seems to hesitate for a moment and I think that maybe it was too personal of a question, but she surprises me when she speaks up. “It’s Form One; the most effective way to feed,” she says. “We were taught to picture the core of the source and bite into it, but not enough to where they realize what’s happening,” she shifts uncomfortably. “My bestower taught me to think of it another way…” she trails off.
“Your… bestower?” I ask, confused.
Her ears perk up. “M- my… uh, teacher, I guess you could call it,” she says quietly. “Can you… uh…” she blushes and looks away. “Do you think you can try doing it again?”
I smile. “Sure,” I say softly, closing my eyes.
I reach my imaginary legs out and pull the form in tightly, causing Glow to hum soundly. I feel what I now picture as her form squeezing back, delicate hooves trailing up my back. I let out a little moan and the darkness around me gains some color in the way of a dim purplish light. All around me, a warmth grows, seeping into my fluffy coat. Like I’ve been wrapped in a set of wings.
Two can play at that, I think, unraveling my imaginary wings and draping them over the presence.
“Luna,” Glow gasps. “I- I’ve never tasted an-anything like this before,” she stammers out.
I lift an ear. “Taste?” I feel her nod. “What does it taste like?”
The presence still holds strong, caressing my back. “S-sweet, even m-more than sympathy. Sorta like kindness, but also... tingly,” she explains tiredly. “Tingly... and numbing and… and sweet.”
I tilt my head into her chest again. Her chin comes to rest on top of it. “How… how much longer do you think you can go?” she asks as I feel her back hooves wrap around my waist.
“...Well, I could probably do this forever,” I state in a trance.
She only replies with another content hum.
I really could do it forever, it’s one of the greatest feelings I’ve ever felt: the tingly warmth, the weightlessness. It’s like the very concept of stress didn’t exist here. It was beautiful. Even more beautiful than-
My eyes shoot open.
Glow releases me slightly. “W-what is it? Did something happen?” she asks worriedly.
I let out a long breath and slowly sit up, Glow unwrapping her hooves from around me. “No, no. It’s just…” I trail off, thinking of something to say. “I’d really, really like to stay, but I told my friend Kix I’d be back home last night and he’s probably worried sick about me.”
“Oh,” she says evenly, a sad tone in her voice. “Y-yeah, you should probably get going.”
I hop off the couch and turn back towards her. “Hey,” I grab her attention and she looks up at me. “Helping you… it made me happy. I really enjoyed the time we spent together.” She smiles somewhat, blushing. I can’t stop myself from smiling along with her. “So, uh,” I start, “do you think maybe we could go get some lun- oh, or, no, maybe...” I pause. “Actually, what do you like to do?”
“W-w-what do you mean?!” she squeaks, my question seeming to have caught her off guard.
“Like, what do you like doing for fun? That way we can go do something together another time,” I reiterate.
Her eyes widen. “You mean... you want to see me again?”
I laugh. “Of course! You didn’t think I was going to flat-out disappear on you, right?”
Her ears fold back and she fiddles with her hooves again for a minute. “Right… I uh, I like going on walks,” she states shyly.
“Hmm,” I ponder. “Have you ever been to the Upper Promenade over on the east side?”
She shakes her head. “Uh, no. I’ve always taken the form of a Unicorn, so it’s kind of hard to get all the way up there. Especially because I don’t have bits for the balloon ride,” she explains.
“Well, how about I take you?!” I say excitedly. “It wouldn’t be that long of a flight, the view from up there is amazing; I wouldn’t mind carrying you at all.”
Her white marked cheeks blush a light blue. “Y-you’re sure?” she chirps and I nod. “There… won’t be too many ponies up there, right?”
I shake my head. “No, all the tourists will probably be on The Strip or over near the West Promenade. There should be plenty of space for us over on the other side.”
It takes a few moments for her to say anything as she holds a hole-filled hoof to her chin. “...Okay,” she finally answers in a quiet voice.
“Great!” I say excitedly. “How about Sunday?”
“That should be alright,” she answers, this time speaking much more quickly.
“Awesome.” I grin at her for a long while before I snap to. “I uh, I should probably get going now,” I say sheepishly.
Glow looks away for a second but comes back with a small smile. “Okay, I’ll walk you out then,” she says, hopping off of the couch and trotting with me into the corridor.
A purple flash lights up the windowless entryway and when I glance back at her, she is once more a light-blue Unicorn mare.
She looks over to me as she walks up to the door and ignites her horn. “Thank you, Dusk Glider. For helping me,” she says timidly, though still sweet.
I smile back at her as she unlocks the metal door and pulls it open. I shield my eyes with a wing and squint into the harsh light that floods in. “Heh, didn’t pack my umbrella last night,” I say as my slitted eyes adjust. I go to trot past her, but stop before I exit the doorway, spinning around.
Glow looks at me confused as I lift a hoof up and touch her cheek, leaning in and planting a firm kiss on the opposite side. She goes rigid, letting out an ‘eep’. I lean back and smirk at her with half-lidded eyes. “Thank you, for letting me help,” I say, giving her a wink.
She blushes pink beneath her blue coat, mumbling something incoherent while rubbing the spot, her stunned eyes never leaving me.
“And by the way…” I say, trotting down the two front steps before turning around on the walking path. “Call me Dusk, from now on.” With that, I spread my wings, taking off into the sky.
I am crouched down. The belly of my small hatchling form nearly scrapes the rough chamber floor as I slowly inch my way forward. It gets harder to keep this position with each step, but my target’s more important than my own discomfort.
I’m soooo close, I think, tiny wings buzzing in anticipation. Soon, this little ‘game’ will be over. You will be mine!
Without warning, my target’s head turns slightly, its orb-like eyes freezing upon making contact with me. I stop dead in my tracks, not daring to even blink.
No, no, you don’t see me. You don’t see me!
Against my pleas, the springleg puffs out its warty, green skin, a large bulge forming under its chin.
My eyes widen. Yoooudoon’tseee meeeeee!
Finally, it lets out: Ribbit!
“Graaaah!” I launch my attack, towering over the springleg, but it’s too quick, hopping out of my reach as I land right where it was just sitting.
“No! Get back here!” I flutter my transparent wings, trying to catch up to the springleg. But they barely lift me off of the ground no matter how hard I buzz. I am just a hatchling after all; they haven’t fully developed yet.
Fortunately, I am much larger than a springleg, so closing the distance is a very manageable task. Using a combination of my hooves and wings, I push myself towards the springleg, gradually gaining on my target as it hops and croaks like its life depends on it.
Soon, it’s only a hoof’s length away; one more push to victory. I stretch my body out, reaching over to its warty back. Right as I touch it, though, the springleg abruptly changes direction.
“Whaa?!” My head swivels to the creature as it hops off to the side. “Oh, no, you don’t!” I cry, quickly angling my body in order to turn with it. However, before I can finish the maneuver, I run into something bigger than myself, coming to a rough stop and falling onto my rear.
“Ooof!” I let out, blinking at the floor.
A pair of hollow black legs greet me. My ears fall back, looking up higher and higher still until I reach the face of an adult changeling standing right in front of me.
The adult looks down with a smile. “Hello, little one,” she says gently. Her face is marked white around her eyes and down the top of her maw, ending at her nose. She leans her head to be level with my own. “And what might your number be?” she asks.
Fearing that I’m in trouble, I shuffle away, feeling an overwhelming need to hide under such close scrutiny. Still, I have to answer her, less I get into deeper trouble: “F-F-Fifty-five of Four, ma- ma’am,” I chitter, avoiding her purple eyes.
“Hmm, how interesting,” she muses. “I, am Ninety-nine of Two,” she states, holding a proud hoof up to her chest.
My ears perk up, pupils slowly returning to her own. “Y-you have d-double numbers? Just like me?”
She nods.
My fear turns into practically nothing at all, excitedly sitting up. “That- that’s amazing!” I squee.
“Indeed,” she says calmly. “I must say, you are fairly quick for your size. Have you learned to fly already?”
The fear returns a little. “O-oh, N-not yet,” I stammer embarrassingly. “I- I’m getting really close though.”
She leans in again. “What of your magic?”
I shake my head. “Forty-nine and One-zero are the only ones who can change, and even they can’t control it,” I elaborate. When she doesn’t say anything, I add, “B-but I can do this!”
I scrunch my eyes shut and furrow my brows. My ears pop like when one is yawning, as I focus intently on the tip of my horn. A torch-like sound emanates from above my forehead – when I open my eyes, a purple light illuminates the surrounding area, glowing brightly before quickly flickering out as I exhale.
Ninety-nine lowers her hoof, blinking.
“I- I can usually hold it for a lot longer,” I hastily explain. “I’m just a little tired.”
The corners of her mouth lift up ever so slightly. “Oh, no, you did very well,” she says, tilting her head to the side and looking at me intently, though still with a friendly expression. “Hmm… tell me, Fifty-five-” she moves a little closer to me and sits down. “What do you aspire for?”
“A-aspire?” I ask, confused by the word.
Ninety-nine holds a hoof to her mouth and laughs softly. “You know,” she says, lowering her hoof, “your ambitions; what you wish to achieve. What you aspire for.”
I look around the chamber, the other hatchlings wrestling and running around with each other. Some are even playing Queen of the Mound, while others sit around idly in groups, bored and tired.
Interestingly, I notice that a few hatchlings have grown-ups talking to them; grown-ups that don’t appear to be any of the nurses that I recognize.
Bestowers, I think to myself, my heart immediately beating faster as I realize what’s happening. Oh my gosh, I’m being considered!
I brighten fully, sitting up as tall as I can manage while puffing out my chest. “I want to serve the hive!” I tell her, trying to force enthusiasm. “I want to gather love so no changeling has to ever f-feel empty again!” I say proudly, though my voice squeaks a few times.
She smirks. “An infiltrator, then?”
I nod my head quickly. “Y-yes,” I say a bit quieter. “B-but if you think I should be something else, then th- that’s fine.”
Ninety-nine pauses. “Hmm… I saw you got rather close to that springleg before it noticed you. That was very good,” she says, making me grin. “What would you do if it were a pony instead?”
My smile falters and I look away in thought. “If it were a pony… I’d pretend to be really hurt,” I say. She cocks her head to the side. “B-b-because ponies feel bad for things that are hurt, and then when they let their g-guard down, I’d get away,” I add.
Her lips slowly curl upwards until she’s beaming. “How incredibly inventive,” she says with amazement. “Did you come up with that all on your own?”
I nod, “Nurse Thirty-one says that ponies are... em-pa-the-tic,” I sound the word out. “She says that we should always try and use it to our... ad- ad…”
“Advantage,” Ninety-nine finishes.
My ears fold back and I nod, embarrassed.
“Interesting,” Ninety-nine whispers, her eyes inspecting me once more. I feel scared again. Finally, she stands up to her full height and I tilt my head up to look at her. “Well, I think I’ve made my choice on the matter. Now, you must make one yourself,” she says, much to my confusion. She laughs warmly, holding her hoof out towards me. I flinch. “Would you like to become my sentinel, Fifty-five of Four?” she asks with a level tone.
I look down from her face and to her outstretched hoof. She’s choosing me! A bestower is choosing me! I think, buzzing from pure astonishment.
“Y-y-you want me to b-be your sentinel?!” I ask, flabbergasted, looking back up.
She simply looks back at me with confidence. “Why, but of course,” she says, still holding her hoof out, giggling. “I’ve kept my eye on you for quite a while now.”
“Oh… how come I’ve never seen you before?”
“An infiltrator can remain undetected by even the most trained eye. To remain unseen by a spawn of rambunctious hatchlings is no challenge at all.”
“You’re an infiltrator?” My ears perk up.
She nods. “I am.”
I glance down at her hoof again, buzzing uncontrollably. “And if I say yes, I get to go with you?”
She nods again.
I let out a long breath before slowly reaching out towards her hoof, as if it would disappear before my very eyes, like a waking dream. Finally, I close the distance, taking her much larger hoof in my own. “I w-want to be your s-sen- sentinel,” I breathe out, shaking.
She takes hold of me, pulling me over to her side with a warm expression. Instinctually, I push myself up onto her back, sitting between her large wings.
She glances at me from over her shoulder. “Are you comfortable?”
I quickly nod. “Mmhm.”
“Okay, hold on tight now,” Ninety-nine says, slowly trotting towards the front of the chamber.
“W-where are we going?” I ask, bumping up and down as she moves.
She turns her head over to me again. “To my dugout in the infiltration wing, near the surface,” she states, continuing to walk.
“The surface?!” I squeak.
“Not far from there, yes,” she pauses. “Have you ever been there?”
I shake my head even though she looks forward. “No...”
“So, I take it that you’ve remained here in the nursery for much of your life, then?”
I think for a moment. “We visited the collection chambers where they enchant all the love crystals, once. Oh, and the throne room inside the royal halls to see the queens once, w-when I was littler,” I explain.
“And which of the two do you call ‘Mother’?” She turns to look at me.
“Queen Violet,” I reply. “She’s my mother.”
She grins brightly. “As is mine. Fate has brought us together, it seems.” She gives a soft laughter.
I test the unknown word against my tongue. “Fate?”
Ninety-nine’s ears fold back. “Apologies, it is nothing more than a pony word,” she iterates. “It means… well, the concept itself is not of our kind but... it matters not; think nothing of it,” she dismisses.
“Okay,” I say quietly, looking back into the chamber as we cross the threshold.
Some of the other hatchlings are carried on the backs of the adults that had come. One sentinel for each bestower. But an overwhelmingly large majority of hatchlings are left behind. Most go on oblivious, or without seeming to care, but a few look… shattered.
“Are you going to miss any of them?” Ninety-nine asks quietly, grabbing my attention.
“No,” I answer honestly. “Sh-should I?” I ask her, cautious.
“You shouldn’t,” she replies evenly, right before turning the corner and taking us both away from the nursery.
****
I look down at the tube of glass, sitting idly and untouched on my workbench. My half-lidded eyes glance up and out the window, into the dimming blue light. The hour is growing late, and I find that the emptiness has returned alongside it.
But it isn’t the emptiness of hunger that I’ve become accustomed to.
I land softly, careful to not lose my balance on the steep, paved sidewalk. Shifting my case within my wings, I briskly trot up the set of concrete stairs that sit to my immediate right, wanting to get out of the sun as soon as I can. I turn ninety degrees, the stairs cutting into a stone wall that lies before the front yard of my apartment building.
Hooves brushing past the dead, yellowing weeds that infest the front landing, I stop before a chipped, dark red door. I insert my key and wiggle it back and forth until the lock finally comes undone, accompanied by an audible scraping sound, then push the door open.
However, it stops not even two inches away from the door frame. “Ugh…” I groan, peeking through the crack and seeing the deadbolt chain. “Bloom, come on, it’s me! Open up!”
Silence.
“Hellooo?! I need this door open immediately; the sun’s out and I forgot my umbrella!”
At last, I hear hoofsteps on the other side, light green-colored eyes peering through the gap not much later. “Calm down princess, it’s only the sun,” Bloom says flatly, her face unamused.
Air rushes out my nose. “Easy for you to say,” I grumble, “now will you unbolt the damn door already?!”
She pauses for a bit before smirking. “I dunno, what’s the magic word?”
“I’m not buying you quenchers next time your estrus comes around.” I fold my front legs across my chest.
Her smirk fades. “Alright, alright, hold on,” she says, closing the door.
I hear a metallic slide and a bump before the knob turns. Once the door opens, I glare at the Unicorn before me. She has a short white mane and pink coat, the latter almost the same shade as Kix’s, which makes sense as she is his older cousin.
Bloom raises an eyebrow. “You gonna come inside, or is the sun suddenly not a problem anymore?”
I huff, brushing past her without a word
As I hear her shut the door behind me. I trot straight through the main room, right past the dilapidated orange wallpaper and the giant holes in the walls that peer into the adjacent rooms, navigating the mounds of dirty towels, cigarette buds, empty bowls, and other miscellaneous garbage. Being especially careful to not step on any discarded needles, I finally arrive at the door to my room.
I push the cracked white door open to reveal a narrow bedroom with low ceilings and a single-window high up in the back corner. An old couch and fold-out bed sit around a rickety table, stacked high with empty beer bottles, take-out containers, a full ashtray, and a cloudy bong. Next to that is a padded chair with a large off-white-colored radio set on the seat.
“Ugh,” I groan, dropping my case on the floor and jumping headfirst onto my sleeping bag, which is laid out over the couch cushions. “Mmm,” I let out as I curl up into a tight ball.
“So. Where have you been?”
My ears perk up, and I raise my head towards Kix’s bed. He sits with his journal lying in between his crossed legs, not looking in my direction.
I cringe. I knew this was coming, but that doesn’t make it any less painful. “Out,” I reply, glancing around the various band posters pinned to the walls.
A pause. “Have fun?”
“Yep,” I dismiss, turning over and closing my eyes.
“You must’ve... if you spent the whole night.” I hear the turn of a page and a lighter being flicked. I crack an eye open and look over at him. He glances down at me for a second, a cigarette between his lips.
I set my head back down, sighing. “It wasn’t anything like that.”
“Right,” he murmurs, closing the lighter and levitating it over to the table.
“No, really,” I begin, turning my head over to face him, “I just walked her home, checked out her shop—she makes these neon signs and stuff. She’s actually pretty shy. We didn’t really get up to much.”
Kix stares at me for a second before returning to his journal, pretending to give me no further regard.
I poke my tongue against one of my fangs. Part of me wants to interrogate him as to why he always cares so damn much about what I get up to, but that’d be pointless. It wouldn’t stop him at all; he doesn’t even know why he cares so much.
I roll over on the couch, burying my head in the cushions. If he could, he’d be chewing me out himself. Kix knows I don’t like it when he ‘babies’ me like that though, and already feels guilty about his overwhelming sense of compassion for ponies as it is. Hence the silent treatment.
Of course, I vastly prefer that to the alternative. Even then, it always hurts when he does this to me. It almost makes me feel as guilty as him, if not at least slightly uncomfortable.
I sigh again, sitting up on the sofa. Noting my sudden movement, Kix peers at me for a split second before catching himself and looking back down. He hides it well, but if closely examined, one can still see hints of worry in his expression. Even now, as I continue to stare at him with an almost pleading look, guilt joins it as well.
I close my eyes. There has to be something that I can say that will break the silence, but there’s very rarely anything that’ll get him to stop early. Still, I have to try.
I clear my throat. “She’s- umm…”
Kix looks up, but only to the wall.
Come on, think, what do I say? ”The mare that I walked home and all, she’s got- has, uh... body dysmorphia.”
His ears perk up and he brushes part of his long golden mane out of his face, slowly turning to me. I gulp. “Yeah,” I say, glancing off to the side.
Kix sits frozen for a long while before shaking his head sadly, looking back to his journal “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the pony you already are,” he says wistfully after taking a long drag from his cigarette.
My ears fold back as I nod. “That’s… kinda what I was trying to get her to realize. It’s why I stayed the night with her, but… I don’t think she really gets it yet.”
Taking another long drag from his cigarette, he looks up at me. Gone are his worry and guilt, replaced by a slight melancholy. After a long pause, he speaks again: “What’s her name?”
“Glow,” I say, resting my head against the back of the couch. “We have a date this Sunday.”
“A date?” he mirrors.
“Mmm-hmm,” I respond.
He smiles a bit. “You must really like her.” He raises his journal, turning the pages.
My lips curl up a little myself. “She’s nice.” I think about the cute buzzing and purring sounds she makes in her sleep with a small content smile. I almost can’t wait to see her again on- “Oh, shoot!” I blurt out.
“What’s the matter?” Kix lowers his journal.
“I forgot to tell her what time I’d stop by.” I scrunch my eyes shut and mentally chastise myself.
Kix gives a breathy laugh. “Guess it’ll just be a surprise then.”
“Gah,” I groan. “I hope she doesn’t mind.”
“Well, you said she’s shy. How shy are we talking?”
I smirk. “Worse than you.”
He gives a short, amused exhale through his nose. “For real.”
“Very,” I admit.
“Hmm. Well, then you won’t know if she minds anyway,” he posits.
“Guess you’re right. Although, not knowing what she thinks might be even worse.”
“Eh, it’s just one time. You’ll be alright,” he assures.
“I can only hope.” I sigh. Though he has a point; I’m worrying too much about what her reaction will be. I need to take my mind off this somehow…
I glance behind me, rolling towards the back of the couch and pulling up one of the cushions with my wing talon. I peer into the compartment and stick my hoof into the darkness, fumbling around until I pull out two plastic bags. One filled halfway with small squares of paper, the other with marijuana buds.
Perfect, I think, opening the one full of buds and dumping a single piece out into the center of my hoof, using my talons to split it into smaller pieces. After that, I do the same with a single square of paper in my other hoof, placing the broken up bud into the middle.
“You want one?” I say, peering up at Kix as I use both my hooves and wings to roll up the joint.
“Mmm-mmm,” he shakes his head.
I pause at that, raising an eyebrow with my long Thestral tongue licking the open end. He must really be thinking about what I said. I hope I didn’t push him into one of his moods again, I think.
I finish rolling and place the blunt between my lips, scooting to the left and leaning over to the edge of the couch. “Can you light me?” I ask, puckering my lips out.
Kix looks up and ignites his horn. A pale-green aura surrounds the lighter on the table as it levitates over to me and flicks open. A small flame dances at the end of my joint as I puff a few times to get a good cherry going.
“Thanks,” I mumble out of the corner of my mouth, taking a long pull and holding it in. “So what have you been up to?” I say, pinching the home-rolled joint in my talon, still holding my breath.
He looks up at me after returning the lighter to its spot and then smirks a little, glancing away. Setting his journal down, he leans off the edge of the bed towards the side that’s hidden from me, shuffling around for something.
I exhale, blowing out the smoke towards the other end of the room, coughing once as my ears perk up, trying to listen for what he’s looking for. He finally finds whatever it is and levitates what looks like a comic book over to me, still wrapped in plastic. Once it’s within reach, I hold my hooves out and he drops it, allowing me to get a better look.
A sultry looking, butter-yellow Pegasus mare with a lightning-blue swept-back mane lays across the cover, her legs spread out in either direction. From her position on her back, it would be easy to see what’s between them. That is, if it weren’t for her tail, strategically placed to block out the view of all the good bits.
“Woah,” I say, nearly letting my joint fall from my lips, as her seductive spring-green eyes look back into mine. “I heard Misty Fly was gonna be the new cover filly for this month, but... hot damn.” My wings twitch.
I hear a short exhale. “Just wait ‘till you get to the four-page photo shoot,” Kix chuckles.
“Huh?” I look up, seeing him waving an identical copy unwrapped. “What? How’d you pay for these?”
“Hey, you spend your bits on negronis, I spend mine on more… material things,” he argues.
“Porn. You spend your bits on porn,” I say flatly, taking another pull from my joint.
I just barely notice it, but I catch him smirking just a little. “Hey now, if I remember correctly, it was you who introduced me to Playcolt magazine,” he says in his low, slowly spoken voice. “I’ll have you know I was the perfect little goodie child before you showed up. Never did anything that Celestia herself wouldn’t approve of.”
I exhale in a half-laugh. “You and I both know that’s total shit-talk. If anything, you’ve mellowed out since I came along, you delinquent.”
His half-smile subtly grows. “Mmmhm, and what about you, Miss Night-guard? You used to get into just as much trouble.”
“Hey!” I catch my joint as it falls from my lips. “I was a damn-good cadet. Just didn’t like getting told what to do all the time, is all.”
“That’s not the impression I got.” He attempts to feign being in thought, but he fails to conceal the genuine grin that finally rests on his face.
“Yeah, well, you try taking orders when you’re an angry, pent-up, horny teenage filly,” I say, leaning back.
“Sometimes I think I am an angry, pent-up, horny teenage filly,” he states.
I laugh openly. “What, got a sickness for the thickness, fem-boy?” I tease.
He shakes his head slowly with the smile that he still attempts to hide. “You know, that’s where I envy you,” he says with a twinkle in his emerald eye. “I wish I were gay too, just so I could piss off all the homophobes.”
I giggle like a schoolgirl, taking another puff from my quickly shrinking blunt.
****
I turn another page. A white Unicorn mare with a pink and purple mane looks back over, her withers towards me, her tail flipped to the side. I’m glad my wings are pinned between the couch and me, less I want to give Kix a free show. Not like it hasn't happened before but...
Well… I look up at Kix as he reads some sort of comic book, considering.
...Nah, not right now, I think, pressing my legs together.
A quick knocking cuts through the song playing quietly on the radio, getting both mine and Kix’s attention. I turn my head back toward the door as it’s pushed inwards. Bloom stands at the entrance, long legs clad in black fishnet stockings. Her lashes long and dark with eyeliner. Even her lips look like she’s applied some gloss to them, although the overall look isn’t anything new.
“I’m heading to work,” she says in a flat tone. “Make sure you lock up after me. And don’t answer for anyone you don’t know.”
“Yeah, we know, mom,” I wave a dismissive hoof at her, returning to my magazine.
“And stay out of my room!” she orders. “If you need condoms for your little bedroom excursions, you can go buy them yourself!”
“Hey!” I turn around again. “I haven’t laid a colt in like, months, so you’re probably just going through them faster than you realize!” I argue.
She exhales audibly. “Whatever, just stay out.” She jabs a hoof towards me.
“Yeah, yeah. No snooping; we get it,” I grumble, looking over at Kix.
He simply nods his head.
Apparently, Bloom finds that acceptable and finally heads out. After hearing the front door open, close, and then lock, I set my magazine down on the back of the couch while Kix goes to lock the deadbolt.
It’s a little past sundown currently, the dim light from outside shining around the blinds of our small window’s edges. Normally, I would have finished my breakfast by now, but my sleep schedule tends to get messed up for a few days when I go home with somepony after a show. Being awake during the day is tiring for a Thestral, and I am certainly no exception.
I give a long yawn, smacking my lips a few times after.
“Sleepy?” Kix asks, having returned.
“Yeah,” I say as he hops up onto the couch with me. I rest my legs back down across his thighs. “I couldn’t fly with the sun out. I guess I’m just out of shape a little bit. Walking can wear me out so much,” I reason.
“You didn’t even have wing binders?” He asks, looking over at me with a raised ear.
“Uh-uh, no binders, no socks, no umbrella. Just me and Celestia’s big ol’ death ray,” I grumble.
“Are your wings okay? They didn’t get burned did they?” He leans closer to take a look but stops himself, returning to his spot. “Sorry,” he mutters, most likely afraid that he’s babying me again.
“It’s alright,” I assure him, “they’re okay. I’ve had worse,” I say through a yawn.
“Heh, yeah,” he chuckles. “Remember that time when we were kids and tried to set up near the square?”
“Ugh,” I groan. “Don’t remind me. I couldn’t lay down comfortably for weeks after that,” I say, thinking about performing out on the streets for all the tourists.
Kix’s ears fold back a little and he remains quiet for a while. I wait patiently until he finally looks over towards me.
“Do you ever think you’ll want to go back to Canterlot?” he asks.
I’m more than a little caught off guard by the question. Especially because I knew he always hated it, and couldn’t wait to move away.
I think for a moment for the right thing to say. “Maybe just to visit,” I start. “I mean, sometimes I dream about it, and I get… nostalgic. But there’s also a lot I didn’t like,” I explain. “For one, everypony in Canterlot’s a total jerk-off! You know that.”
“Yeah,” he looks off to the side. “Sometimes I feel like it was a whole lot simpler though.”
I raise an eyebrow. “What do you mean?” I ask, confused.
“I don’t know, just…” he pauses. “It was easy back then. Just you and me versus the world, and the only thing that mattered was finding a way out of there,” he iterates. “I guess it’s still like that, but… it’s just a whole lot messier now.” He sighs.
I look him over, thinking about what he said. It was true. It had always been our plan to just make enough bits to get away from Canterlot. The only reason we landed in Las Pegasus was because Kix knew Bloom had moved out here a couple years prior. But after we left, those plans had never really quite changed. It’s still, ‘make enough bits to run away’. Only now, there isn’t really somewhere else to go.
I sit up and scoot over to his side, wrapping a hoof around his lower back. “It’s still you and me Kix. One day we’ll have enough bits to buy a cozy little house somewhere, with room to build that studio we always wanted. Maybe we’ll even land a record deal soon and get to move to Applewood or Seaddle,” I smile.
He looks at me and puts on a fake-looking smile. “Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m just being an emotional foal.”
I lean my head against his shoulder. “No, you’re not,” I say, resting a hoof on his chest and letting out a long yawn. “You’re just being you, and that’s okay.” I smile warmly and, slowly, my heavy eyelids droop.
Maybe just a quick nap, I think. Just for a few minutes.
