Starlight Glimmer comes along a mysterious pony with amnesia... but there seems to be more to him than meets the eye. Can she and Trixie fix this troubled guest?
Starlight Glimmer is embroiled in troubles in her love life with Trixie, Sunburst, and Twilight Sparkle and she meets a pony who remembers nothing with a broken heart for a cutie mark... what does he mean for her and the people she knows?
Is he what he seems?
And why does everything keep going sideways?
The rating for this story is Teen and will remain the way, for cursing and some vulgar subjects. Any mature content will be written separately and not included in this fiction in an "official" capacity. This fic is recommended for ages 15 and up.
This is actually my first fic on Fimfiction so be gentle. I'm still learning as I go.
Starlight Glimmer stopped dead in the middle of the cobbled pathway, staring in front of her blankly.
It looked like a dead pony had collapsed in front of her. His pale mint coat was matted and he was covered in blood. His chest rose and fell shallowly. She galloped over and bent down to inspect him. His eyes were wide and unseeing, gazing up into a stormy purple sky. As if on cue, thunder rolled and lightning flashed. The sky was heavy and for a moment, she was unsure if her sight was going dim or if she was seeing things. It was like she had been here before, or something. Shaking her head, she shook off her de ja vu and took a step forward.
Rain began pouring down.
Starlight’s horn lit up and she levitated the injured pony into the air, cradling him gently with magic. He still seemed to be in shock. Nothing happened as she moved him. He was limp, like a ragdoll. There was no reaction and no life to him.
“Mister pony? Are you okay?”
She poked him with her hoof.
Nothing.
After a couple of seconds, the strange pony coughed and blinked and shook his head violently. The pink stripe in his hair seemed to brighten for a few seconds. He touched all over his face while held in her cocoon of energy.
“Who… who are you?”
“You’re okay!” Starlight yelped in glee. “You’re alive!”
“I’m alive?” he repeated. “My name is Alive? Who ARE you?”
“I’m Glimmer and no, your name isn’t alive, silly!”
She put the pony down. He stared in confusion at his body, at the bruises and the injuries. The pony began touching himself all over, as if to confirm he still existed. His eyes clouded up with pain and confusion and his dark purple blows knitted together tightly.
“Where am I?”
“You’re near Canterlot!” she answered.
“Who am I?” he asked.
“Oh, boy,” Glimmer said, swallowing and taken a deep breath. “Well, I don’t know. And we’re about to go see my gi- good friend Trixie.”
* * *
Trixie squinted her eyes, walking around their new friend. He stood rooted to the spot like his hooves weighed a thousand pounds and he was afraid to lift them.
“He’s quite injured,” she said.
“Thanks, Captain Obvious,” Starlight retorted dryly. She brushed her violet mane with Trixie’s hairbrush. The three of them barely fit inside Trixie’s tight quarters of her stagecoach wagon, but they were making it work. Starlight Glimmer’s body was jammed up tightly against Trixie’s.
She was trying to ignore the feelings this was giving her. She had someone to take care of, after all! A real head case, so to speak. Pun intended.
Tentatively, she tried using a mind-reading spell. Startled, she found that it reflected itself back at her and she was reading her own thoughts of how to use magic. She canceled the spell and shook her head back and forth, wondering what the hell just happened.
“Well, that’s weird,” she said outloud.
“What is?” Trixie snapped.
“Oh, nothing. I’ll tell you later… when our guest isn’t here.”
“Your guest?” he asked, tilting his head. “I’m a guest here? I thought I was just a stranger, you said.”
“You are a stranger, but you are also a guest.”
“Hmm. And you called me a friend. But are we friends?”
“We could be...” Starlight Glimmer demurred, not wanting to open that can of worms just yet.
“We need to give him a name,” Trixie said. “We can’t just keep calling him vague things.”
Everyone stood around, stumped. The rain drumming on the cloth roof sounded deafening with no one speaking. In the silence, the mint pony with purple hair began to cry. He was suddenly crushed in a hug between the two other ponies, squeezing him tightly.
“Poor thing.”
“Oh no! Are you alright? What’s wrong?”
He stammered through tears as they streamed down his face and he cried helplessly.
“I have no name! I have no past! I don’t know anything about myself, who you are, and no one can even give me a name.”
“We can name you!” Starlight Glimmer said, the words spilling out and talking over Trixie, who yelled out, “Mystery!”
He stopped, sniffling. His eyes looked into her lavender ones. She looked back into his glittering red eyes. His eyes were shiny and swam with tears still, glistening like ruby orbs.
“I’m … a mystery?”
“That’s right! Just like a ghost!” Trixie said.
“Yeah, cryptic! A cipher! A riddle!”
“Cryptic. I like that better. Can you call me Cryptic?”
“Sure thing, Cryptic.”
A smile snuck up on his face unexpectedly. Starlight Glimmer and Trixie hugged him tightly again. Starlight used her hoof to brush away the hurt pony’s tears.
“No more crying, okay? We’re all friends here.”
“Friends,” he said distantly. For a moment, his eyes seemed to flash. She thought maybe it was just her imagination though…
Trixie got the hairbrush and began brushing his tangled mane again. His hair was short and styled in a sidecut but it looked like it would be really pretty once it was properly washed. Glimmer just admired her girlfriend’s work silently. Trixie, the pre-eminent show mare (Great and Powerful!) had excellent hair-care abilities and the power to make a flawed gem shine brightly.
Speaking of which…
“What does your cutie mark mean, Cryptic?”
“Huh? What’s a cutie mark?”
“Ho, boy.”
A short explanation followed.
“So it’s a mark that symbolizes your inner personality or specialty or skill?”
“Yes,” Starlight agreed.
“Maybe he’s a heartbreaker,” Trixie offered.
“Can you be skilled at having your heart broken?” Starlight wondered. “I mean… I would know. Sunburst and all that.”
Trixie looked pained. “Please. I don’t want to talk about Sunburst and Twilight right now. What he did to you was so awful.”
Trixie levitated a can of mousse over to Cryptic and depressed the pump to dispense some into his mane and tail. He had his eyes closed, obviously listening intently.
“I really can’t get over it just like that, Trixie.”
“Can you go for, like, an hour without saying Sunburst’s name? That’s all I’m asking. Don’t even give him the time of day. That’s why you have me.”
“I’m sorry, Trixie.”
“You should be. I’m twice the stallion he’ll ever be.”
Starlight laughed as Trixie brushed the mousse over Cryptic’s hair and brushed it through. “That’s true!”
Cryptic took a deep breath. “Who are Twilight and Sunburst?”
“An asshole and a bitch,” Trixie replied, without missing a beat.
“The Princess of Friendship and the… stallion I loved once.” Starlight Glimmer’s voice was soft and wasted, as if it was a sunray about to disappear behind a cloud.
“Don’t kid yourself,” Trixie sneered. “You’re still deeply in love with him.”
“I know that,” Starlight Glimmer said. She picked up some conditioner in her hooves and squeezed some out onto the frog of her hoof. She approached Cryptic slowly, hoof held in front of her. “Don’t you think I know that? But even if I didn’t say it, I’d still have felt it, so where’s the sense in that?”
“There’s no sense in cheaters, not when he didn’t follow your instructions. Extracurricular romances are obviously against the rules.”
“Whatever you say. I just think you’re fooling yourself. It’s never going to go anywhere. He used you because it was convenient for him then upgraded himself to a better model. That’s what he did. I won’t sugarcoat it for you, love.”
Starlight Glimmer’s eyes started to get wet as she petted the conditioner into Cryptic’s now-silky hair.
“Sorry,” Trixie Lulamoon said lamely.
“Um,” Cryptic offered. “I don’t know any of these people but that Sunburst sounds like a real creep.”
“Oh, he is,” Trixie said happily. “Toxic as fuck. Can’t trust him further than you can throw him.”
“Hey!” Starlight complained.
“Sorry, babe, but it’s true. You have bad taste in men! Why, you could date Cryptic here and it would be a better match!”
Cryptic and Starlight Glimmer both looked at each other in surprise and blushed bright red.
Cryptic sat at the diner table, sipping tea quietly. He was deep in thought.
Starlight Glimmer was "babysitting" him, as she called it, until he felt more comfortable in his new identity. He wondered how soon that would be since he felt like a stranger in a strange land, a castaway on an island full of strange people.
He had never felt more alone than right now, even with Starlight right next to him quietly reading her newspaper.
"What does it say?" he asked.
She hushed him.
He finished his tea, feeling depressed. It had been something called hibiscus tea and it was very bitter. He did not enjoy the strong flavor but since she purchased it just for him, he felt obligated to finish it. Cryptic just stared into his empty cup, wishing it had the answers to all his problems. The chatter around him was foreign and meaningless, even though he could understand it perfectly well.
Everything was an alien world, and he was the most alien of them all. He had no idea how anything worked, and-
-And Starlight was talking to him and he missed half of what she had said.
"And don't tell Trixie, okay?"
Cryptic put down his teacup. He was already not liking the sound of this. "What?"
"We're going by Sunburst's house."
He paused a really long time, considering this. He didn't know these people. He didn't know Sunburst and only barely knew Trixie, but she seemed really temperamental. She also had a weird habit of referring to herself in the third person. When he pointed this out, she tried to consciously drop it, only to do it again about ten minutes later.
He did know Trixie didn't like Sunburst. And Starlight really, really did.
"Is that the right thing to do?" he asked slowly.
Starlight stared into his red eyes with fear, afraid to answer.
"That's what I thought."
Anger crossed her face. "I'm an adult!"
"Yes, you are," he said neutrally. "Do you want to hurt your friend?"
"N-no."
"Then we shouldn't see Sunburst."
"But I have an appointment with Twilight later to update her about the School! Oh, crap, oh no, I forgot about..."
She went off on a tangent that made absolutely no sense to him about people he hadn't been introduced to. He tuned it out again and waiting for her to finish rambling nonsensically.
"I think Trixie won't have a problem with you running into Sunburst at the Canterlot Castle, since it sounds like they are always together."
"They are," Glimmer said hotly. "They're inseparable."
"Isn't that a good thing? Aren't they both your friends?"
She sighed mightily. "You just don't get it!"
He stopped, reconsidering. Her eyes were glittering on the bottoms. She looked like she might cry at any moment. That would be really embarrassing in public. So he shook his head.
"You're right, I don't get it." Cryptic reached over to hold her hoof.
She snatched her hoof away. "I just want to make sure he's doing alright! I worry a lot!"
"That's very kind of you that you care so much about them."
"It is?"
She looked at him impressed, with a hint of admiration. He felt a weird burst of power, like a thump in his chest. He felt... bigger. Fuller. Her lavender eyes looked very pretty and he was suddenly aware of her thick, luxurious eyelashes, tender face, cute ears, and soft-looking mouth.
Strange.
"Please don't look at me like that with those eyes."
She looked surprised.
"Why?"
"J-just don't. I can't explain it."
"Try?"
"Well, when you look at me like that, I get a funny feeling in m-"
"No, wait, stop! I get it."
"I was going to say my heart! Damn!"
Tick
"Oh."
"Did you feel that?" he asked.
"Feel what?"
Like the Earth moved, he said, but the words didn't come out.
Blackness swallowed him whole.
* * *
Strange images, a pony with a yellow coat. Fever-dream feel. A voice haunting him. Mental agony, pure anguish. Words recycled over and over through his head.
"Of course I love you."
"I'm sorry, but it will take time to rebuild trust."
"Why do you love someone like me?"
A familiar voice. A time he couldn't place. A place out of time, outside of feeling or emotion. Something higher, something bigger. An intimate feeling of not-belonging not-being not-anything
Glimmer touched his face and he snapped out of it.
"You okay, Cryptic?" Starlight asked gently.
"Y-yeah. Yeah! Sorry, I just had a flash of memory or something, maybe?"
"The weird thing is... I think I felt it too."
"What? How is that even possible?"
Starlight hesitated.
"Well, I tried to using a mind-reading spell on you when we first met. I thought it wasn't working, but now I think it's related to your cutie mark and your magic, maybe? You're a very odd unicorn."
"You did that without asking me!?" Cryptic yelled, offended. People turned to stare.
Starlight Glimmer blushed bright red and sank down in her chair. She took the newspaper and twisted it up in humiliation and started smacking herself in the face with it. Tears ran down her face.
"Bad Starlight! Bad! Bad! Bad!"
He snatched the paper away from her.
"You stop that!"
Starlight grappled for it back for a moment before realizing how ridiculous they were being and stopped. He felt ashamed to have made a scene now and took her out of the diner into an alleyway behind it. Their breakfast hadn't even arrived yet, but... it seemed like the right thing to do.
Starlight Glimmer was breathing rapidly and shallowly and looked like she was on the verge of a freakout.
"Are you okay?"
"NO!"
"Why?"
"You wouldn't understand!"
"... Try me."
"Well, a long time ago, I tried to steal all the powers of all the people who are now my friends and a different time I tried to mind-control them and another time I tried to change the past so I ruled the world and then-"
Cryptic kissed her.
Her eyes went as big as saucers. She shoved him away in rage, tears still gathered in her eyes.
"What the fuck!"
"I'm sorry! I don't know what came over me! You just seemed so upset and I thought if I did that, you wouldn't be all mad and sad anymore!"
"That is not okay!" Starlight Glimmer stamped her hoof. "Timing is everything!"
Cryptic stared at the ground. He felt smaller now and hollower. Like whatever progress he had made with her had just been blown to bits. Like he had sabotaged his only friend.
Did he know the way back to Trixie's wagon? Well, he was willing to find out.
Wordlessly, he left Starlight Glimmer in the diner alleyway and galloped away as fast as his legs could carry him. His horn started to feel hot, and it was like he could move even faster if he focused on it. Like his legs were longer.
No, wait, they were longer now! His hooves splashed mud in every puddle as he felt the way back more than really knowing it.
He let his new long, long legs take him back home to Trixie Lulamoon and her little cramped stagecoach.
Trixie just let that hang in the air, and he felt like she was judging him. Hard.
"Alright. Not your smartest decision. And you said that she was going to visit Sunburst, but without telling me?"
"That's right."
Trixie fumed briefly, then looked resigned.
"I thought you would be madder."
"No, I know her pretty well. I kind of expected something like this to happen, it was just a matter of when, not if."
He sighed at the same time as Trixie.
"So what do we do now?"
She just tapped her hoof on the table looking bored. "Nothing. We do nothing."
Cryptic was really surprised. "Nothing at all?"
"Nope. Whatever I do, I'll be wrong for doing it or interfering. She's like a bird... if you love it, you let it fly. I've been through this many, many times over the years. The Great and Powerful Trixie has the art of not giving a shit anymore down to a fine science."
He blinked at this revelation. "Geez, just how long have you two been together?"
"Long enough."
"No, really."
"Mmm, I'd say about eight years now. Some time has definitely passed. Let's just say I know every curve and inch of her body and how she reacts like the back of my hoof."
Cryptic blushed bright red. "That's very... very specific. Very."
It was like he was a robot that could only repeat the word 'very' to explain it.
Trixie smiled mischievously at him, her lavender eyes twinkling. "Is it now?"
He looked at her coyly. "Are you hitting on me, Miss Trixie Lulamoon?"
"Well, it's not fair that you kissed my girlfriend and I don't get to sample the goods too. Plus, she did just run off to go throw herself wantonly at an old flame. You have to admit that in this situation, getting even is a good way to get petty revenge."
"Ma'am, you don't need to justify yourself to me."
Despite his brave words, he felt enormously nervous. He had butterflies in his stomach, and his whole gut was clenched like a fist. Sweat beaded on his forehead, the hairs stood up on the back of his neck, and another bead of sweat rolled down his cheek.
Trixie stared at him. "You okay? For a moment there, it looked like you wanted it but now you kind of look like you're going to puke."
"That's because I am."
Cryptic rushed out of the wagon to crouch down with his ass in the air and his head to the grass and basically vomited up the watery red dredges of the tea from earlier. How fitting.
He came back in, wiping his mouth with his hoof. "I think it was that horrible hibiscus tea Starlight Glimmer ordered me."
"Nah, just nerves. Perfectly normal." Trixie shrugged one blue shoulder and then took off her cape saucily, dropping it to the ground with a flaunting swoop. "Oops! Clumsy me."
"Well, you're not going to want to kiss me now."
"You don't know my fetishes very well then," Trixie said dryly. Cryptic's eyebrows went up to his hairline in surprise.
"... Kinky."
Trixie smirked, her dimples showing. "I've got something better than that yucky hibiscus tea. She has the worst taste, doesn't she? I've got a vintage sweet red that will turn your purple hair red in joy."
"I don't think wine does that."
Her horn lit up a pinkish purple as she levitated the bottle out of a chest, uncorked it, got two wine glasses, and filled them. She hovered one in front of him. Cryptic reached out to take it gingerly.
It did look tasty. And he could use something to get the taste of bile out of his mouth... He poured the wine down his throat while barely tasting it.
"Looks like you were a bit of a lush in your past life," Trixie observed. "I wanted you to savor that."
"I'm planning on savoring something else."
"Oh?"
"Those delicious lips."
Trixie blushed delicately. As Cryptic advanced on her, her cheeks turned even redder. "W-what would Starlight think...?"
"She'd probably say, 'Go for it, Cryptic!'"
Cryptic kissed her and his heart exploded in joy. She had her face tilted up chastely. They did not make out. He just met his nuzzle to hers, one press of the lips, a nuzzle, and it was done. He watched her face the whole time.
Trixie's eyes flipped open in indignation. "That's it?"
"That's all you get. For now."
"Oh~"
He blew on her lips softly, teasingly. Trixie gave a big pout, still blushing. She attacked him, clinging to him and kissing aggressively. Cryptic pushed her away.
"Patience, dollface. Everything comes in time."
"Dollface?" Trixie looked offended.
"Moppet?"
"No."
"Sugar?"
"Sure," she said.
"Fine, you need to wait your turn, sugar."
Trixie batted her eyelashes, pursed her lips, leaned forward, closed her eyes, and waited. She made a humming noise of impatience and wiggled back and forth.
Cryptic touched her lips with his hoof.
"Oh, come on!" she exploded.
"That is the opposite of patience. That is brattiness."
Her face change dramatically. "You're calling me a brat? You're the brat."
Cryptic took a step back. He looked up her up and down with a quick flick of his eyes.
"This isn't really going as I'd planned..."
"Then stop teasing me, and really kiss me!"
"No, I don't think that I will."
Cryptic opened the door of her stagecoach and stepped outside to get some fresh air. Trixie stared at him through the curtains of her little window, then shut the curtains angrily. He inhaled deeply through his nose and exhaled again through his mouth. Breathe in the flowers, blow out the candles. Where did that saying come from?
He could almost hear the voice telling him that, but couldn't bring the face to his mind. It deeply troubled him.
Maybe it would be better if he found some new friends for a while. Ones with less... complicated issues.
His feelings hurt and his chest tight, he ran and ran and ran wherever his legs would carry him. Eventually, Cryptic became tired. His calves ached, his gluteus maximus was cramping, and he began to drag his hooves. Wherever he was now along the path, there he was.
Cryptic stopped and saw a cute little bench. He decided to take a rest there- at the same time that another pony was about to sit down.
"Oh, sorry," he said, wiping away a tear from his face.
"What's wrong?" the tired-looking yellow pony asked. "You can sit there. I'll stand."
"Okay," he said gratefully and plopped down. "I think there might be enough room for both of us?"
"Scooch over then."
He scooched.
"So what's your name?" the mare asked in a pleasant dulcet voice that had the clarity of a bell. He felt something from talking to her, like a warmth inside him ready to fill him up. Or maybe that was the alcohol starting to take effect. Could be that too. He had drank it on an empty stomach.
"So, um, you look winded and out of breath too. What's got you down?"
"Oh, my wife is a real handful."
"Oh, you're married?"
"Happily," she added. "Just in case."
"Oh, I wasn't thinking of you like that."
She shrugged complacently, not particularly bothered one way or the other. "Can't be too careful. What's your name?"
"Cryptic," he answered. She tried to check out his cutie mark without being too obvious about it. He glanced at hers.
"So you like candy?" he guessed.
She shook her head. "It's about how I bring out the sweetness in others. My name is Bon-Bon. What does yours mean?"
His empty memories and foul-feeling fucked up the whole question for him.
"I'm really good at breaking hearts," he lied. "And I'm a stranger here. I'm new to this place."
She nodded and accepted the lie without questioning it. "You're very good-looking. I can see why. And you say you're visiting from far away lands?"
"Thank you. And yes."
He stared blankly at the sky, digesting everything that happened in the past hour or so. Trixie was too forceful and he wanted Starlight now, but she only wanted Sunburst, who only wanted Twilight (whoever that was)...
"Penny for your thoughts?"
"You don't want them," Cryptic deadpanned. "No one wants to be saddled with this."
"Heh, saddled."
"I'm serious!"
"I know," and she looked deeply into his eyes. "What's bothering you?"
"Did your wife ever cheat on you?" he asked.
Bon-Bon gasped in shock. "What brought that up?"
"Stuff."
Bon-Bon sat in shocked silence, just turning things over. Finally, she spoke up.
"Yeah. This alien monkey came to our town. He really liked bananas. She got a crush on him and slept with him one night. It took me a long time to get over it, actually."
There was a long pause.
"I'm still not over it."
Cryptic held a hoof to his chest, feeling his heart hammering. He winced. "And how do you let go of that pain?"
"You don't. You just learn to accept the hurt and that it happened. Then you try and move on."
"And that works?"
"Time heals all wounds."
Cryptic took a deep, pained breath. His chest ached from crying so much, on and off, and his throat and eyes burned. "When?"
Bon-Bon laughed and patted his shoulder. "Well, not that quickly! You have to try to consciously let go of the pain each and every day and forgive that person who hurt you."
How long would that take, he wondered.
As if she could hear him, she said, "And that can take years."
He just made a noncommittal noise of acknowledgement. He got up from the bench.
"Where are you going?"
"Back to the place I'm staying."
"Home?"
Hesitation.
"Yes. There."
Bon Bon trotted after him for a couple steps. "Wait... I can tell you more. Come sit a little longer. I think that maybe hearing it could help you. I didn't mean to just offer useless platitudes. So, please, come listen to me a little longer."
Cryptic sat back down on that bench with Bon Bon, and Bon Bon leaned closer, as if they were close friends, greatly lowering her voice conspiratorially. She began humming to herself, almost like a kind of lullaby.
"You see, you are not the only stranger here. Once upon a time, a strange alien appeared on our shores and he, too, remembered nothing. Lyra became completely fascinated with him. We gave him bananas because he resembled a monkey, just with no hair. Rarity made him clothes and it was like I completely stopped existing to her. Sometimes, she didn't even come home for the night and offered no excuses. She'd come home reeking of sex with her hair all messed up. I knew what was going on, I just didn't want to call her on it and risk ruining what little I did have. I was terrified she would leave me for him."
Bon Bon took a deep breath and tears began leaking from her eyes. She wiped them away painfully, as if the very action of turning her head was painful. She sniffled a bit.
"But me and Lyra, all that? We never gave up. I never gave up on her, even when she lost her mind and self-control and strayed and she never gave up on me. Eventually, that person left again and she came crawling back, begging me for forgiveness. I could have been cruel then and hurt her, but I didn't. I hugged her and I told her that I loved her and that I would always be there for her and she was my very best friend. And, eventually, months turned into years and now it's just something we avoid at the dinner table or joke about. So, I guess what I'm saying is, you can get there too."
Unexpectedly, Cryptic reached out to hug Bon Bon and gave her a tight squeeze.
"Thank you for sharing that with me. It sounded very personal."
"It was. And I'm leaving out a lot."
"I bet," he said. He adjusted some stray hairs of her mane that drifted out of place. She smiled at him and it was like a bomb went off in his brain. Her smile changed then and she leaned in closer to him.
He backed up suddenly. "Uh!?"
"Oh... sorry... your eyes glittered for a moment. It was kind of strange so I tried to get a better look."
"I'm sure it's nothing," Cryptic said, but at the same time, starting to feel like he was lying. This reminded him of when he became overcome with Starlight Glimmer and he didn't really like that feeling... feeling totally out of control, like something else was riding him or controlling him and his actions. It was like he was starving and he would do anything for a candy or something.
"Good talk. Hope to see you around, Miss Bon Bon. Good luck with your marriage!"
He found himself leaving in a hurry again, scarcely able to catch his breath. So much to think about. Why were people almost throwing themselves at him and why did he feel so attracted to different people... ? Couldn't he just pick one person and commit to it instead of needlessly complicating it...?
Cryptic found a shady hedge and hid behind it, trying and failing at not pulling his hairs out one by one in frustration. The little sting came like a cure for his anxiety. Each little sting a reminder of all his failures and insecurities.
"Buck up, buck up, buck up," he told himself. "You've got to go back and face the music with both Trixie and Starlight and ask them to forgive your impetuousness. Just blame it on something! They'll believe you! No, no lying... Lying is bad..."
Muttering to himself, he continued the long trek back to home, whatever that was now.
Cryptic made his way back without too much hassle. He passed by familiar trees and bushes, helping him navigate. He didn't really pass anyone and his walk back 'home' was in silence, leaving him more than ample time for his troubled thoughts to invent all kinds of scenarios and let them play out in the interim.
He decided to just be honesty with them. He remembered that phrase from somewhere "Honesty is the best policy." But what was his honest state? He knew so little about himself and others that nothing felt real. It was like everything felt like something he was reading in a book or a story, not something that was really happening to him.
He knew he'd have to push through it, he just didn't know how to push through the bitterness of his recent failures in friendship already. What if they hated him for running off? No, Starlight wouldn't know about that... unless Trixie told her...
With a heavy heart and now-aching legs, he made his way back to the stage coach.
He looked up and saw a little white kite flying above, some kind of fish or something. In fact, now that he squinted at it, it seemed to be have writing on it.
It said "We're Sorry, Cryptic" in terrible handwriting.
That made him wonder, but he didn't have time to process it yet. The door exploded open as soon as he was in proximity and Trixie bolted out to hug him.
"Oh, good, you are okay! We were so worried you had run off and done something rash. I was really blaming myself."
"Oh, no, I just needed some time to think. I believe I've handled stuff poorly that I could have maybe done better at not instigating."
Trixie flushed in shame and looked down. "Actually, it's us that were bad hosts. We didn't mean to drag you into something complicated. You're brand new and I should have respected the fact that you need time to adjust to this new town and people."
Starlight Glimmer strolled up, reeling in her kite as she walked closer. "Too many words. Just say sorry."
"I'm sorry," Trixie amended lamely.
"I'm sorry too," Cryptic said. "Also, Starlight, I thought you left to go see Sunburst?"
Starlight Glimmer chuckled nervously and rubbed her hoof behind her head. "Ahahaha, no, truth is, before I even got on the train, I was having second thoughts. Normally I write a letter to Twilight in advance and I thought dropping in unannounced would be rude, even if it was the castle. Normally, people make appointments through Spike and then show up the next day. And, well, I've been trying to be a better friend and how I was feeling, all mixed up inside was... pretty much the complete opposite of how a good friend would behave."
"Wow, Starlight. You came to that realization all by yourself?"
Starlight looked a little bit proud. "Yeah. Yeah I did. I've been working on myself."
Trixie wiped away a tear. "So you really have been listening!"
"I have. I thought the new me should take some time before rushing off to do things half-assedly. I should be using my whole ass, in other words."
Everyone assembled laughed.
"That's not quite how I would have worded it, but I think you're making progress!"
Cryptic held his stomach as it rumbled. All that running around and getting upset and vomiting and whatnot had made him extra grumpy and hungry now. "Hey, uh, is everyone else hungry?"
"Give me a moment and I'll whip something up," Trixie said.
"What were you think?"
"In the mood for sandwiches?"
"Oh, yes, that would be perfect. Can I help?"
"Yes, just get the bread and find out what Cryptic likes on his sandwiches."
"I, um, I don't know yet," he said. "Can you just give me everything and I'll figured it out from there?"
Trixie went back into the stagecoach and opened the doors and window wide. There was a clattering and banging of various cabinets and utensils and things.
Her voice carried from inside: "Do you guys want hot sandwiches or cold?"
"I'm really hungry so the sooner, the better."
"Starlight, can you give me a hand with your magic?"
"Oh, sure thing."
After several minutes, Cryptic was given a triple-decker sandwich with fresh olives, pickles, goat-cheese, mayonnaise, tomatoes, lettuce, pesto mustard, onions, fennel, and cucumber. He had trouble getting a bite into his mouth, so he got a knife and cut it into fourths. It then promptly fell apart. Starlight's purple magic surrounded his sandwich, reassembled it, and got a plate for him.
"Thanks," he said.
"Well, you did say everything," she said sheepishly. "So I added everything. Even though you can't see it, there's salt and pepper and oil and vinegar on the bread and onion and garlic powder on some of the toppings for savoriness."
Cryptic resumed eating and Starlight ate her own sandwich, which had considerably less toppings and it looked like something sweet (jelly?) in the middle. Trixie's concoction had extra cheese. Like three or four slices of cheese maybe. She also had mushrooms and onions. He wasn't judging their choices, but he remembered it for the future, in case they asked him to make a snack.
He did feel sorry imagining Starlight and Trixie kissing later though. All those onions would make for some rotten breath after they were done. He laughed silently to himself. They looked at him curiously, but he didn't share his private thought. He didn't want to make it awkward, not right where things were starting to feel relatively normal again.
Cryptic didn't want to jinx it.
"So what's the plan for tomorrow?" he asked.
"I'm going to help Starlight draft her letter and we can all go to visit Sunburst and Twilight Sparkle together. Twilight is very smart and more powerful than me, though I hate to admit it, and she'll be the best one to try and solve what happened to you. So we'll introduce you to them and see what happens."
Trixie reached out to pat his hoof and his heart soared, but he was afraid to show it. Stammering, he turned to Starlight Glimmer.
"That was a cool kite you were flying earlier!"
She brightened up considerably. "You like kites?"
"No, I know absolutely nothing about kites."
She darkened again, some of her passion ebbing away. "Oh..."
"Well, that doesn't mean I wouldn't like to hear you talk about kites. Just that I don't know a single thing about how they work. Why, if that were me, that kite would have flopped straight onto the ground."
Starlight laughed. "Yes, it's very difficult for a beginner to fly! It's ironic that you need strong winds to keep the kite up, but it pushes and pulls and fights against you. The trick is to guide in gently by using a gentle touch. You don't want to force it."
Trixie wagged her eyebrows at Starlight, making her lose her train of thought and blush.
"Oh, you!" She gave the blue unicorn a shove, nearly toppling her.
"Hey, hey! I am Great and Powerful! You are not allowed to wrinkle my cape."
"That cape is plenty wrinkled, I can see it from here."
"Maybe I can wash your cape," Cryptic offered. They both laughed a lot, for several minutes.
"Oh, wow, that is missing the point so hard. 'I'll wash your cape!' he says! Oh, Starlight, you really need to do laundry, our guest really thinks that we need his help to wash my cape!"
"Aww..."
His ears flattened and he feel like he was being made fun of. Starlight wiped away a tear and came over to console him and smooth over hurt feelings.
"We're not laughing at you. She's got like ten more capes just like that folded up under her hammock. It was just so funny! She's been wearing that one for like four days now. It's absolutely disgusting."
"Why don't you just make her put on a new one?" he asked innocently.
"Oh, no, I am not the boss here," Starlight laughed. "It might not look like it, but Trixie is definitely the one in charge."
Trixie pointed at her with a hoof. "Damn straight. And don't you forget it."
"Yes, ma'am!"
Starlight put her arm around Cryptic's shoulders and whispered in his ear. "It's okay, you can relax now. No one is going to fight with you. I don't know what happened to you, but you're safe here. And you can take a nap in the carriage while me and Trixie do some writing and work on her act. Okay?"
He nodded and went into the coach to get some rest.
Trixie and Starlight had their heads together, working on a letter they were drafting by hoof with quill and ink. Trixie kept touching Starlight from time to time. Cryptic was busy doing nothing and enjoying it. He found an old wooden set of pipes Trixie had around and was trying to play them by blowing in them. They were loud so he found himself putting some space between them and his very-rough practicing with the panpipes. Still, he was close enough to observe them and overhear their side of the conversation.
Starlight groaned, agonizing over what to say and how to said it. "What if I just made a spell that could read my mind and write the letter for me?"
Trixie humored this. "Alright, do you know such a spell?"
"No."
"How long would it take you to make such a spell? More than a few hours?"
"Probably..."
"Well then, Starlight, my advice is to keep writing and I'll edit it after you have like a page."
Starlight Glimmer thumped the table angrily with her hoof. "No, you don't get it! I don't know anything about Cryptic, so what am I supposed to write! I totally have writer's block!"
"You totally don't. Just write what you just said."
"Write what?!"
"That we don't know anything about Cryptic and he's a mystery. God, Starlight, you overcomplicate everything. Really, fuck off and I'll finish the whole letter. I'll do it. Give me the quill."
Starlight pushed Trixie's reaching hoof back. "No! It's mine! You gave this to me to do and I'm going to damn well finish it!"
Trixie shrugged and rolled her eyes and sat next to Cryptic. She didn't say anything and neither did he. He was still trying to get a sustained and unwobbly note. He concentrated very hard on his breathing and trying to blow at just the right angle to get each one in sequence. Trixie had a silly crooked smile on her face and leaned in close to him.
"You're really good at blowing those."
Cryptic blew a sour note and laughed. He put her panpipes down and turned to her. Pretending that he couldn't perfectly hear their petty squabble, he said, "So how is the letter coming along?"
"It's not."
"Oh, really? I had absolutely no idea."
They both laughed again. Trixie lean over close to him and said, "I can help teach you those panpipes if you want. I've had them my whole life. They were a gift from my mother, actually. She surprised me one day when I was depressed over not mastering a trick and said 'maybe you can try something like this in-between acts to entertain your audience, Trixie.'"
"Wow, really? That's so nice."
The Great and Powerful Trixie sniffed a little and her eyes looked wet. "She wasn't always nice. This was one of the rare displays of her kindness. Like I said, she surprised me."
"Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that. Is it okay if I hug you?"
"Yeah."
Cryptic reached over and wrapped his forelegs around her. Trixie gave a relieved sigh and hugged him back. He caught Starlight flicking a glance at them, but she was totally wrapped up in what she was doing. If her writer's block had been a problem, it must be gone now. She was already reaching for a second sheet of paper and her quill darted back and forth like a little wiggly ballet dancer. Her tongue also stuck out of her mouth in concentration.
Trixie smelled so good. She smelled fruity, like raspberries. Cryptic sniffed her hair a little as he held her and held her a little overlong for comfort. She might have noticed, but she didn't say anything. They just stayed like that for a minute. He could also feel her heart thumping slowly. There was something very right just staying like that, without any rush.
Finally, she squirmed a little and he released her. She wiped away a tear from one pretty lavender eye. Something about her touch left him feeling fuller. Weirdly, he didn't feel as hungry anymore either. Maybe he got hungry when he was upset or lonely. There was still so much about himself he didn't know yet.
"Thank you, I really needed that today."
He just hummed slightly in response, not trusting himself to say something without his voice cracking slightly or coming out in a hushed mumble.
"Do you use shampoo, Trixie?"
"Of course, Trixie has a very intensive hair-case regiment each night. It just wouldn't do for me to appear in public all pale and haggard. What would Trixie's many adoring fans think?"
"I think they wouldn't care such an amazing person like yourself has some flaws."
"Oh, I have many flaws. But I'm... working on it. I'll tell you about the time I tried to take over Ponyville once sometime."
"I'm sorry, you what?" Cryptic blinked rapidly, not quite sure he heard that right.
"Another time, another time," Trixie digressed, "Here, let me play you something. This is my theme, by the way."
She picked up the panpipes and began to play. Her experience showed as she immediately launched into a breathy airy melody, switching between top and bottom rows rapidly. Starlight Glimmer stopped what she was doing and teleported a bongo drum from somewhere and began beating an accompaniment. When Starlight picked up the pace of the beat, Trixie matched her time and began blowing faster. Cryptic closed his eyes. He imagined a green meadow full of birds and clouds drifting through the sky. The panpipes took him far away, in something like a memory. He could remember touching someone and being touched. Loving someone and being loved. His heart stirred and he fought back tears.
As the last note faded, he clapped for her beautiful song.
"That was great!"
"Aw, really? I totally improvised the second half. It seemed like you were really enjoying it and Starlight kept tapping on the drum, so..." she blushed, bashfully.
"Yeah, in fact, it made me remember something!"
"Wow!" Starlight said while trotting over. "That's so exciting! What was it?"
Cryptic rubbed his hair, uncertain now. "It was so vivid just a moment ago... I don't know why, but I was thinking it was some kind of picnic. And there was someone there and they were my special somepony. That's a thing, isn't it? That word suddenly popped into my head."
Starlight smiled at Trixie. "It's a thing."
"And... it was sunny and there were some birds singing."
"Well, Cryptic, do you remember what kind of birds? I'm something of an amateur twitcher."
"What's a twitcher?"
"That's what we birdwatchers call ourselves."
"Yeah, the bird sounded like a creaking door or a squeaky door. Does that ring a bell?"
Starlight sighed. "Nope, not at all."
Cryptic took back Trixie's panpipes and started walking over to read Starlight Glimmer's letter that she had been so focused on. The handwriting was atrocious and the letter had become three pages now. Trixie followed along behind him, her hooves clip clopping on the grass. She magicked the letter into the air, reading it.
"Oh no."
Starlight looked crestfallen. "What's wrong?"
"This is way too long. This is like every detail since you met him! We need to trim this way, way back. Here, give me that quill and Trixie will get down to brass tacks and just cover the essential details. Sunburst is a busy stallion, after all."
With an angry pout, Starlight Glimmer gave her the quill.
"So we're not in any rush to see Sunburst?"
Starlight looked like a deer stunned by a sudden lamp and shook her head. "No, I guess not... why do you ask?"
"Well, a letter by mail takes a while to arrive, right?"
Starlight Glimmer laughed a little and it was like a sparrow tweeting. "Oh, that! No, silly, our mail in Ponyville is very efficient. They'll get it to the Crystal Empire where she is staying in a matter of a day and then Spike will send us a scroll by dragon fire in minutes."
Cryptic looked alarmed. "I only have a single day to pack?"
"Oh, you silly, you don't have anything! What is there to pack?"
"Ah, you're right! That just popped out, I don't know why I said that."
Trixie looked proud. "Maybe your memories are starting to return thanks to my song."
Cryptic mused for a moment. "You know, that's entirely possible."
Trixie smiled and waved for her marefriend to get on the drum again and then levitated a tambourine over to Cryptic. "Let's do it again then!"
So, after another day and then an adventurous night in the stage coach, Cryptic learned the joys of pitching a tent in your own backyard, so to speak. They had placed him on the floor, but it was too cramped and his back hurt. Then they experimented with a few different positions before arriving on a solution.
Starlight Glimmer said that the stagecoach was too cramped for more than one occupant and Trixie got out a tacky purple tent covered with stars. Cryptic was unimpressed by the look of it but once he got inside and in his sleeping bag and his new friends cast a warming spell on his tent, he decided it wasn't so bad. In the middle of the night, he found himself getting out to stare up at the stares. It occurred to him that no matter where he had been, these stars and the moon wouldn't change, no really. Oh, sure their positions in the sky changed with the time of night and season but... these were the same objects he had seen his whole life. While he didn't remember anything other than the north star, his heart was moved and hopeful. He held onto the thought that someday, he would remember who he was.
There was a twinge then in his chest, like a feeling of pain. Cryptic put his hoof there, feeling his heart beating hard. Yeah, my heart, he thought. It's just my heart. Maybe that broken heart on my flank is why? Could it be that the state of my heart has something to do with my memories and who I am?
He broke down at that point and something inside him cracked like an egg. Under the stars and warm night air, he cried for a length of time that had no personal reach or limit. It could have been ten minutes, it could have been an hour. He just sat there, letting big tears run down his face and sniffling. He had no idea what time it was.
The door of the stage coach clacked open.
"Aww," Trixie said. "I couldn't sleep and I thought I heard something. Looks like my intuition was right."
Cryptic sniffled and wiped at his face helplesssly. "I didn't want anyone to see me like this."
"It's okay to cry," Trixie said. "When you left, I cried. I was worried I had done something wrong. What's bothering you?"
"Well, I..." and he went blank, unable to point into words the void and emptiness that seemed poised to swallow him up inside. "I'm ... nervous about tomorrow and what that Princess might find, if she's as smart as you say she is? Plus, what if Starlight forgets about you or me in order to spend time with Sunburst?"
Trixie called him on it.
"So what if she does? Sunburst is like her favorite person in the world. If she leaves us, that gives time for you and me to hang out with Twilight. Now, I'll admit, Twilight is not my favorite mare in the world to spend extended amounts of time with, but if it's to help you, I'll manage. It's been so long that it seems silly to hold onto old grudges. We'll get along just fine, with or without her."
Cryptic smiled palely. "You're right, I'm worrying too much about nothing."
"Now I just know you weren't staring at the sky crying over Starlight. What is it, really?"
Cryptic swallowed. "That obvious, huh? I was thinking about who my parents must have been and if I loved someone and what became of them now. It's like there is this big hole inside me that I can't fill, no matter what I try to do. It's like a huge emptiness."
Trixie exhaled slowly. "Oh, that's a big one. That's some meaning of life stuff. Well, I promise you, we will keep trying until we make a breakthrough. And then you'll see your special somepony or your family again. We won't leave you out in here in the cold."
Cryptic laughed and pointed at the tent.
"Warming spell! So you should really relax and maybe get some more sleep. Sleep is what you need most."
She put her hooves on his back and pushed him in the direction of the tent. He resisted some.
"And you're promising me to hang out with me tomorrow if Glimmer ditches us?"
"Yes, yes, now go count sheep to five hundred. Sweet dreams."
Right as Cryptic lifted up the tent-flap and turned back around to reply to Trixie, he stopped, his eyes as wide as saucers. He pointed aggressively behind her. "Look!"
As they were looking up at the sky, a shooting star passed by. They both gasped and grabbed at each other in a hug. Trixie was practically babbling with excitement. "What did you wish for?"
"I wished I had someone to love," he confessed.
"Oh, silly," Trixie said. "I'm right here."
They kissed then, under the sky. Another shooting star passed by and Cryptic didn't even know, because he had his eyes closed. A blush crept to his cheeks.
"Would you like to join me?" he asked, indicating his tent.
Trixie scuffed her hoof and shook her head. "I need to talk to Starlight about it more and it kind of feels like we're in a place where I need to take care of her first. Sorry. Maybe some other time."
Cryptic laughed and entered the tent to lay his head down and sleep. He snuggled into the dense and fluffy blanket part. It was incredibly warm inside the tent, like sleeping inside a toaster. He closed his eyes and did his best to relax. Somewhere, a rock was poking him. So he got out of his sleeping bag, picked it up, pushed the rock through the fabric of the tent bottom to the side, put the sleeping bag back down and got inside again.
After a while, he was sweating and unzipped it partially. The pillow part was built into the sleeping bag and he fluffed it. Cryptic wasn't sure why he couldn't get comfortable, but he just couldn't make things work. So far, just like his life...
Eventually, he centered himself, found a position that wasn't awkward, closed his eyes again. What was that Trixie said? Oh, yeah, counting sheep. So he counted to himself: One, two, three, four...
Starlight pressed her face to the glass, her nose mooshed up against it boredly. The trees passing by and rolling hills were reflected in her eyes. Trixie was napping in the seat, with part of her head touching Cryptic's leg. He didn't dare move in case he woke her up. The train rumbled down the tracks, click-clack, click-clack. The noise of the engine even soothed his nerves to the point he wanted to drift off.
He didn't blame Trixie for sleeping. Last night was the kind of night that would make anyone sleepless. Anyway, he didn't want to think about that right now. Cryptic was wrapped up in his own thoughts, thinking about what he would say to the royal couple when he got there. He ran the phrases over and over in his mind, and kept coming back to the empty void of his memories. Where did he come from? Why did he come here or get here and what was his goal, now that he was in Ponyville? It was all so bothersome...
Trixie's cute little snores were distracting him. She seemed so at ease and he was frankly jealous of her ability to relax that deeply. Cryptic moved the blanket further up her body. Trixie mumbled in her sleep, what sounded like Starlight's name and rolled over. Cryptic turned around to watch Starlight watching them with an unreadable expression, her eyes distant and a little misty.
"What's wrong, Star?"
"Nothing, I was just thinking of when me and Trixie first met, that's all. She was the only one that really understood my pain and what I was going through. So when I see you with that look on your face, that troubled expression, I think of the long nights I helped Trixie plan her magic act and such." Her voice was a breathy whisper, so as not to wake Trixie up. Seemed to have worked-she didn't budge or stir.
He hummed softly, "Mmm."
Cryptic carefully got up without moving Trixie's head too much and joined Starlight in another car to discuss things. She held his hoof and his heart beat a little faster at that. Did that mean she was trusting him more? Or even... getting over Sunburst? Besides, he really wondered what these ponies were like since his new friends talked about them so much. His curiosity was piqued, to say the least.
He cleared his throat: "Starlight?"
"Yes, Cryptic?"
"Can you tell me more about Sunburst?"
Her face flushed and her eyes grew wide. She shook her head quickly back and forth, looking scared. "I'm sorry. There's just too much to cover right now. Maybe another time. Basically, I had a crush on him as a filly and I had a huge insecurity complex. Then more things happened and he rejected me again after I fucked up. That's all..."
"That's about you, Starlight. What's he like?"
"I'm sorry. He's brilliant, if I haven't said so. He's the guardian to Flurry Heart and he's the bravest and greatest sorcerer I've ever known besides Starswirl the Bearded and, of course, our Queen."
"Can I ask you something? Some people call her Queen and some people call her Princess. What's up with that?"
"Oh, she wasn't a Queen until she married Sunburst. That's why the title changed. Some people still haven't caught up with the new name, that's all."
"Okay, I think I get it now," he said sagely. He pushed her into an empty cabin and held her neck tightly. She gasped and her body pressed against Cryptic's in surprise as she arched a bit. He nibbled her ear and whispered in it: "You still owe me a kiss."
"You got plenty of kisses last..."
He kissed her again, shutting her up. She melted against him. He quickly pulled the curtains on the windows so no one could see them. He needed this, he told himself. He needed her love.
* * *
Starlight Glimmer stumbled out of the cabin, her hair askew. She brushed her mane back with one hoof and used magic to get it back into place immaculately. Cryptic came out licking his lips and smoothed his hair back. "How was I?"
"Good, as always. I have no complaints."
"Heh heh. Uh, do you think Trixie is worried about us?"
"Cryptic, she can just use a spell to see where were are. Trust me, she's not worried. She knows me pretty well."
And Starlight was right because when they returned to the cabin, Trixie was awake and utterly unsurprised they vanished for an hour somewhere with no explanation. The two girls shared knowing looks and Cryptic sat down on the bench, his face beet-red. Surely someone was going to say something embarrassing now but no one did. Curious. Trixie went back to what she was doing, which was some kind of card shuffling practice and working with some sort of hidden pocket in her hoodie.
Starlight sat down like everything was fine, wiped at her mouth and tapped on the table between them. Cryptic sat next to Trixie and watched her practice silently. Her magic and hooves were unbelievably adept at what she was doing. He could scarcely believe she could pull off tricks like that. If she had been doing this her whole life, it clearly showed. He wondered if she went to magic school. Starlight had let slip earlier something about Sunburst flunking magic school and it made him think about it.
"Trixie, did you ever go to magic school?"
Trixie hmmphed. "Trixie didn't get into Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. Trixie can cast teleport and use telekinesis and simple cantrips and use magic wands but Trixie's talents lie elsewhere. Why?"
"Starlight said Sunburst flunked out."
"That's surprising, I didn't know that," Trixie said.
"It's true!" Starlight agreed. "He got overwhelmed due to the crowds and noise and it was too much for him, plus the pressure and the tests. It really got to him."
"Well, you know him better than me, Starlight."
"Yeah."
Cryptic broke in. "Girls? It kind of looks like we're almost there."
Everyone stopped what they were talking about to look out the windows with big eyes. The magical city of Canterlot swelled into view enormously, white and twinkling. Cryptic gasped in surprise.
"Wow! Look at that castle!"
And there was an gigantic waterfall pouring down mountains behind it. The view took Cryptic's breath away. He had never seen anything like this before in his life, he was sure of it. Nothing felt familiar. It was awe-inspiring and it lifted his spirits in a way nothing else had lately.
"So we're here?" he asked. Starlight and Trixie nodded and an employee came up and down the row to knock on passenger's cabin doors to let them know it was time to exit the train.
"Will we need a ticket back?" Starlight asked Trixie.
"Well, I don't have the bits," Trixie complained.
"I'll bill it to Twilight," she said. "She'll definitely cover it out of the royal coffers."
Cryptic had a strange nightmare last night. In it, he could only see an endless expanse of black stars and a dreadful sense of something stalking him, like something was coming to devour him in that void he drifted in. He had never been to space before and he woke up, shivering. In the dream, Starlight Glimmer and Trixie drifted past him, holding their arms out to him, pleading. He grabbed for them but floated past helplessly.
A giant, swollen yellow orb of a moon floated by, horrible and bulging. Inside it, visible in the shadows of a crater, he saw the shadow of Nightmare Moon laughing at him. Her voice blasted, deep and terrible:
”How would you like to be alone, little pony? Starving and empty? Friendless?”
"Please, no," he whispered softly to the uncaring universe. "Anything but that. Don't let me lose my friends."
"You have no choice, you are destined to be left by everyone you love and let down. You will never make a true friend. Everyone you love who knows you will abandon you in the end, little pony. You are misbegotten hybrid, a mixblood, an impure thing. No one will love you. You deserve only to die, unloved and starving. Aren't you hungry, pony? Aren't you hungry?"
"What is your name?" she asked.
"I don't know."
"What is your name?"
"I don't know!"
Please, he begged helplessly. And he was so hungry. The hunger consumed him and drove him to do terrible things. Please let me be free of this hell.
He woke up in the sleep-car in the top bunk, sweating. His dark purple hair hung in his face and he pushed it away. He tried to forget about the dream, tried to forget about everything. Focusing only on the present. Back to sleep... think about rainbows, about the sweet smiles of his new friends... don't want to let them down... don't want to let them down... they're counting on me tomorrow to be presentable and friendly...
That happened during the middle of the train trip, but the specter of it haunted him still.
When they entered Canterlot escorted by Royal Guards, it was like none of them had ever happened. He felt bright-eyed and rested. Starlight and Trixie were joking and he was just taking in all the sights of the wonderful white-marble gleaming city. Everything felt at ease and he was able to let go of some of the dread beneath the surface, building in his subconscious. It was just dream. Just forget it, Cryptic. It's meaningless. Look at how happy they are!
From somewhere, Starlight Glimmer pulled out a simple kite and unfurled it to be caught by the wind. Trixie smiled and watched as her marefriend guided it left and right and performed tricks with it. He was amazed she could set up a kite so fast and make it obey her commands like that, all without magic. It must be a natural talent born of years of practice from a pursued interest. If he could remember his past, did he have gifts or skills like that too? It was only natural to wonder.
Cryptic trotted up to Trixie and pointed at the enormous castle in the distance. "Is that where we're going?"
"Yes. Twilight is on official business during working hours, except for certain special holidays. Now that Luna and Celestia have retired, she has double the workload so she took on Sunburst as both an aide and her husband."
"Celestia... I've heard that name before. Some of the residents exclaim that name."
"Oh, that's because it's a swear. It's not polite."
"So I shouldn't say it?"
"You can say it if you want..."
Starlight started to reel her kite in, sweating a little from effort. She put the simple white folding kite into her saddlebag, using magic to swiftly collapse it. She wiped her brow and gave a happy little nervous giggle. "Nothing like a little kite-flying to kill some time!"
"We weren't killing time," Cryptic said. "We were waiting on you."
"Let her be," Trixie said, with a tired tone and heavily lidded eyes. She stared into the distance, where the sun was setting gently over the rolling hills. Fluffy clouds like curls of cotton candy drifted through the sky. Everything felt idyllic and for a single moment, he dared let himself feel something like happiness build inside him.
They began the longish walk up to the castle, on the scenic route. Trixie wanted to point out the Royal Gardens to him, Starlight wanted to show him the nearby library with exotic books for sale, and Cryptic himself wanted a dessert so they went to a parlor called Fancy-Free Shakes. He got something chocolatey and it was excellent. He had a wonderful time, and soon (all-too-soon) it was time for their appointment with the Queen.
"So why isn't Sunburst a king?" he whispered to Starlight.
"It's complicated," she whispered back. "He didn't want the rank, even if he would have qualified thanks to his skill in magic. He said he didn't want the attention."
"I see."
Starlight started breathing really quick, in and out, as they pulled up to the gate. Trixie took her aside and began rubbing her shoulders and got a hairbrush out of her saddlebag to begin brushing her hair.
"What's wrong?" Cryptic asked.
"Oh, she gets like this sometimes. She's just like Twilight... she has panic attacks before any big engagement or official affair. I'm kind of used to it by now, to be honest."
He hovered nearby, feeling awkward, as the purple mare had some kind of breakdown over the impending appointment. She teleported a watch out of her bag, glanced at it, and began rapid breathing again. Trixie handed her a paper bag to breathe into and began counting out the breaths she would need. Starlight hugged her with one arm, and inhaled and exhaled slowly into the bag. A guard on patrol gave them a weird look, and Cryptic put himself in-between that guard and the two girls. The guard cleared her throat and kept on going. He patted himself on the back for trying to look properly intimidating
"Are you good?" Trixie murmured, after what felt like an endless series of time had passed. Starlight finally nodded and passed the paper bag back to her in order to tuck away again.
"It's almost time," Cryptic observed, looking at the giant clock-tower nearby.
"I know! I know!" Starlight said. "Oh, Celestia, what do I even say? Sunburst will be so disappointed in me!"
"Fuck what Sunburst thinks," he offered. "Aren't we here to see Twilight? What do he have to do with it? He's just incidental to this whole scenario. You can even ask Twilight to dismiss him from our meeting since she obviously outranks him."
