Kick Names, Take Ass
As her eyes adjusted, Anonymous found herself floating in place, inside Discord’s living room. The mishmash creature lounged beneath her, disinterestedly snacking on a bowl of matchbooks, for whatever fucking reason.
“What the hell do you want?” Anon grumbled, lazily tumbling in place.
It’s not like she was truly upset, especially considering the chaos deity had saved her from an encounter with a very upset purple alicorn and a smitten, man-bun wielding pegasus stallion. Yes, were it not for Discord’s intervention, it seemed like her comeuppance would have finally come; then again, she’d known it would only be a matter of time.
Having found herself, formerly himself, transported to Equestria, Anonymous had failed miserably to integrate with the denizens of horse land. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to be there, he just had a hard time fitting in, that’s all. Unfortunately, after evoking the ire of the regal, fat-assed alicorn, Princess Celestia, she’d found herself as a pugnacious filly sized mare.
Stripped of her dangly bits, Anon proceeded to stumble into one bad situation after another. Firstly, she’d ended up blowing Thunderlane in an alley, leaving her to nearly pass out in a pool of effluence. After that, she ran into Zephyr Breeze, promptly robbed him of his virginity, and won his heart. Lastly, and most troublingly, she discovered that Lyra Heartstrings not only was infatuated with her pre-transformed, human state, but that she curated a small museum for Anonymous, the human’s, honor. In short, things couldn’t get more…
“Chaotic?” Discord asked, grinning up at her cheekily.
She squinted at the draconequus, attempting to determine his motive. Honestly, reading him was like reading a bowl of Spaghetti-Os; in that, you couldn’t. Besides that, it was the first time she’d seen the chimeric creature since her arrival in magical horse land, so she wasn’t sure what to expect from him.
“Anonymous. Anon. Nonny. Good buddy, good pal,” Discord greeted, levitating her to his open arms. She attempted to scream, or screech in defiance, but only mariachi music escaped her lips. “Oh, don’t be like that! You’ve been quite the little hoof, hand, or claw full, haven’t you?” he continued, clutching her to his bosom. After a moment’s embrace, accompanied by a caterwaul of brass instruments and gritos, he set her down.
Having gone silent, she pursed her lips, lest more of the festive music fill the air. It wasn’t like she was afraid of him; hell, Celestia had been far more imposing, once she’d been pissed off, but that didn’t mean she felt comfortable. Several seconds passed, as the two gazed at one another, before Discord rolled his eyes.
“You can talk now, you know,” he sighed, crossing his mismatched arms.
“You’re a dick,” Anon blurted, knitting her brow at the large creature. It was, for all intents and purposes, a fair statement, even if it was leveled at a demigod.
“If you are what you eat, I’m sure you’ll be one before too long,” Discord huffed, turning his back to the pint-sized mare. “Anon, you cut me to the quick. Honestly, to think you’d snub your biggest fan,” he pouted, tearfully looking over his shoulder at her.
“I...what?” Anon’s intended verbal offensive faltered, at hearing the admission. “The hell are you talking about?”
“Oh, I just thought I’d finally pay you a visit, especially after that stunt you pulled at Lyra’s house/museum, but I guess I can just send you back,” he solemnly explained. Slowly, he lifted his right paw, on which his thumb and middle fingers were pressed together, ready to snap.
“No!” Anon bleated, thrusting a hoof in his direction. If she got sent back now, she’d surely be apprehended by Twilight or, even worse, Zephyr Breeze. “Maybe we got off on the wrong foot?”
“Is there a right foot to get off on? I’m not into partialism, although I certainly won’t judge you for your kinks,” he snickered, snapping his fingers. Several disembodied feet, from various creatures, appeared and began rubbing themselves over Anon’s body.
Anon rolled her eyes, while attempting to ignore the podiatric assault. Like it or not, she’d have to put up with the draconequus for a while. “Can you make me some tea or something, then we can yutz it up all you want,” she groaned, batting away a foot rubbing at her neck.
“Of course! I thought you’d never ask!” Discord gleefully replied, snapping his fingers a second time. The appendages disappeared, just before the two were teleported to the lord of chaos’ kitchen.
“Can you please warn me before doing that!” Anon fussed, steadying herself on the table. There wasn’t any pain from warping from place to place, but it sure as shit was disorientating.
Adorned in an apron, Discord opened one of his cabinets. “Do you have a preference?” he asked, watching as an assortment of different teas went floating out of the cupboard.
“Doesn’t matter, just pick one for me. Why in the hell are all your chairs so damn tall?” the filly-sized mare bitched, struggling to get into one of the seats. Distractedly, Discord snapped in her direction. Unfortunately, in yet another flicker of magical light, she found herself in a highchair, replete with a safety harness.
With her temper flaring, Anon fought to contain herself. She just needed to buy some time, if nothing else. Discord’s realm, as far as she knew, was untouchable by anypony, including the Princesses. Bearing that in mind, she wrestled with the compulsion to unleash her vitriol. From the higher vantage point of her seat, she was granted a much better view of the room.
Discord stood to the side, preparing a serving tray of finger sandwiches and biscuits, alongside a tea kettle dancing over a flame. The kitchen was surprisingly ordinary, looking almost like a regular cookery; that was, besides the bay window which allowed one to gaze into a maelstrom of swirling, multi-colored madness. As she looked around, taking in the sights, something caught her eye. There, atop the table, sat a circle of six stones.
“Hey, what’re those?” she asked, peering at the baubles. They looked like gemstones, albeit unfaceted. Blue, pink, yellow, orange, red, and brown, they all twinkled brilliantly, except for the latter rock, which seemed dull and lackluster.
“Oh, those? Just a token of my appreciation,” Discord dismissively noted, setting the tea and snacks on the table. After pouring Anon a cup of tea, he emptied it into a child’s sippy glass, before passing it to his guest.
“Ok, yeah, but - Oh god damn it!” Anon cursed, after accidentally knocking her beverage from the highchair. She hadn’t been paying attention, too interested in the mysterious jewels on the table, so she’d made a mess.
“What are they?” Discord finished her question, momentarily reversing time and refilling her cup. “Why, they’re the Infantile Stones,” he answered, waving a claw over them.
Anon raised an eyebrow, utterly perplexed by his statement. “Do you mean the Infinity St-” her words were cut off, as a metal plate and chain materialized over her mouth.
“Ah ah, trademarks!” Discord tittered, sipping his tea. “But, yes, it’s the same principle. Each gem holds immense power. Awkward, impatient, immature, lewd, Ree -” before he could finish, Anon cut him off.
“You don’t have any room to call me immature, you ass-hat!’ the green not-filly protested, thrusting an accusatory hoof at him. She’d been able to prize the makeshift gag from her face, as he was casually insulting her.
“Not you, you nincompoop!” the draconequus shakily sighed, face palming. “That’s what the stones are, although they could just as easily be used as adjectives for you!” In a fit of pique, he materialized a dunce hat onto her head.
Anon opened her mouth to issue a rebuttal, or a string of expletives, but she remained silent. If Discord wasn’t bullshitting her, which he may well be, the stones would certainly be a useful tool, if only for her own entertainment. Shifting her focus from the jewels to the demigod, she squinted. “And you were going to give them to me?”
“Yes, was,” he snorted irritatedly.
“But…” she bit her tongue, fighting back a scathing comment, “you’re not now?”
“Honestly, I’m not sure. To think that my favoritest filly would be so positively rude!” Discord woundedly grumbled. To add insult to injury, he reached out and began fiddling with the neatly arrayed stones, as his guest helplessly watched on.
Anon rolled her eyes. Even though she’d never met the chaos deity, she knew his tricks. He was, in many regards, as childish as she was, prone to impulsive and juvenile behavior. “Look, I’ll suck your dick for ‘em,” she groaned, leveling her gaze at him.
“While I appreciate the gesture, I’m more than capable of that myself,” Discord sighed. Effortlessly, he detached his head and waved it about. That was, until his eyes lit up. “But since you’re offering things, there is something you could do for me…” he trailed off, as a sly grin crept across his face.
“What?” Anon bluntly asked, redoubling her efforts to escape the high chair.
Upon seeing her struggle, Discord snapped, causing her to float free from her seat. Floating over to the hodgepodge creature, she remained impassive. Even if she’d wanted to fight him, there was nothing she could do. She was a filly sized pony, lacking in any magical or extraordinary abilities, while his power rivaled, or dwarfed, an alicorn’s.
“I’ll give you the stones, if you promise to owe me a favor,” he said, the last word virtually dripping with unspoken machinations.
“What favor?” Anon pressed, floating closer to his face. She didn’t like the concept of owing a wiley bastard like Discord anything, but she sure as shit wouldn’t mind having some magical, totally not trademarked mystical power rocks.
“I can’t tell you now! It would ruin the surprise!” Discord coughed, as if stricken. “Although, if you’re concerned, I can assure you that it’s harmless,” he quickly added, stroking his goatee.
“Harmless to me, or harmless to you,” she countered. She might not be the sharpest grapefruit spoon in the drawer, but she wasn’t going to be tricked that easily.
Her comment caused Discord to genuinely chuckle. “So you’re not as dumb as you look,” he noted, smiling down at her. Before he could get any further, she held a hoof out at him.
“Pinkie promise that it’s not gonna be something that’ll fuck me over, and we’ll have a deal,” Anon firmly stated, staring up at him. Be damned if she was gonna wind up being his servant or something.
Discord guffawed and waved her hoof away. “I can’t do that, although I can promise you, no harm will come to you. To sweeten the deal, I’ll even throw in a one-time only exclusive gauntlet for them!” he tittered. She was certainly more shrewd than he’d been lead to believe, if only marginally so.
“Only if it’s something I don’t mind doing,” she petulantly muttered. She did want the stones, and if he was dumb enough to take that…
“Deal!” Discord announced, enthusiastically shaking her hoof. He was sure that, when the time came, she’d accept his request, even if she didn’t know it yet. “You have no idea how fun these things are, or how much trouble I had to go through to get them! I can’t wait to see you unleashing their might upon the hapless citizens of Ponyville!” he added, continuing to energetically shake her hoof, along with the rest of her floating person.
“You can stop now!” Anon bleated, causing his motions to cease. She still felt uneasy about the bargain she’d just stricken, but there wasn’t much she could do about it now. Hovering down to the table, she nudged one of the stones. “So, how do I use these things?”
“With this!” the draconequus gleefully declared, snapping his fingers. In a flash of light, an oven mitt appeared on Anon’s right foreleg; all six of the stones were arrayed on its backhand, in a roughly circular design.
Peering down at the padded glove, Anon inspected the “gauntlet”. It fit well, which was nice, yet she had no way of knowing how to actually use the damn thing. As if to answer her unasked question, Discord held a finger aloft.
“I could tell you how to use it, but I’d much rather watch you try to figure it out,” he tutted, holding back his laughter. He had every intent of watching her fumble with the thing, as well as figuring out exactly what the stones were capable of, so he had no intention of ruining the impending anarchy.
As Anon looked at the stones, she had to admit, she didn’t feel any different; no overwhelming surge of power, no god-like omniscience, nothing. “So I just fuck around with it until -”
“Well look at the time!” Discord interrupted, watching a clock float past. “Looks like you need to get back to Ponyville! Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to keep an eye on you! Off you go!!!” he animatedly proclaimed. Without warning, he snapped, and Anon disappeared from his table’s surface, along with her newly acquired trinkets.
With a rush of displaced air, Anon found herself standing just outside the Everfree forest, a short distance from town. Thankfully, Discord had had the forethought to deposit her away from Twilight and the insufferable, yet damnably attractive, Zephyr Breeze. As the runtish mare took stock of her surroundings, she slowly peered down to the oven mitt on her hoof. Since she hadn’t gotten an instruction manual, nor had the lord of chaos given her any clues on how to operate the stones, she decided to improvise.
Holding her gauntleted hoof aloft, she willed for something, anything to happen. Five of the six gems glowed softly, but that was it; no grand detonations of magic, no cosmic rifts in space time, not even a world threatening sky beam of disastrous energy. Squeezing her eyes shut, she redoubled her efforts, hoping that sheer determination could elicit a response. After a moment, and as she felt a headache starting to come on, Anon peeked at the gauntlet. Again, no reaction.
Her temper began to flare, and her cheeks grew red, as she glared at the infernal jewels. She wouldn’t be surprised if they actually didn’t do anything, considering Discord was an asshole and a troll. The thought of being tricked by the draconequus infuriated Anon beyond all reasoning, damn near as much as Celestia had by turning her into a filly sized horse. If he had ripped her off, and he held her to the promised favor, she’d...
“REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeee!” An autismal scream of cataclysmic proportions burst forth from the tiny mare, knocking down several nearby trees and sending surrounding wildlife fleeing in every direction.
Anon went rigid, glancing around at the damaged landscape. It wasn’t uncommon for her to have an uncontrolled outburst, but there was nothing natural about what had just happened. Quickly looking to the stones, she noticed the ugly yellow one glowing brightly. A stupid, childish grin crept across her face, while her mind reeled with the implications of her new toy. If one stone was that powerful, heaven help Celestia if she could get all six of the puppies running on full power.
A sudden movement distracted her, as a family of squirrels clambered out from under one of the felled trees; two small rodents, and two larger ones, irately looked back at her. One of them, she was guessing it was the father, indignantly shook his fist at her, while chittering away. It wasn’t all that odd for animals, meaning the non-horse animals, to behave in cartoonish ways, so she wasn’t all that surprised, but the group of tree rats gave her an idea.
“Incestuous orgy!” she bellowed, aiming her mitted hoof at them. Her thoughts wandered to the innumerable lustful cartoons and illustrated pornography she once owned. As her nethers tingled, awakened by the inappropriate musings of the tiny harlot, her plan came to fruition.
To Anon’s utter amazement, the four rodents pounced upon one another, obscenely fondling, humping, licking, or kissing. She couldn’t say for certain if they were actually a family, although that really didn’t matter. Either way, they’d been fitting test subjects. Peering at the stones affirmed her suspicions; the purple gem was now lit with arcane power. Her smile returned, as she turned away from the woodland debauchery, and towards Ponyville.
Trotting towards the village, she was sorely lacking any sort of plan. At least one of the Princesses was looking for her, so hiding would be difficult, if not impossible. Simply put, she was left with a choice, pit herself against Twilight, hoping that the gauntlet would allow her to hold her own, or attempt to seek refuge somewhere. Regardless of what option she chose, she was feeling peckish, so a stop at her apartment was in order.
Strolling along, Anon noticed a pair of stallions headed in her direction. Considering her screech had likely been heard throughout the entire town, she shouldn’t have been shocked that somepony had gone to investigate. Still, new test subjects were new test subjects, so she had no reason to complain. Many of Ponyville’s residents still didn’t recognize her in her current state, only remembering her as the tall, awkward human man she once was; a fact she planned to use to her advantage.
“Hey, you two!” Anon shouted, drawing their attention. Changing course slightly, they moved towards her, blissfully unaware of her intentions.
Focussing on her childish nature, and immaturity as a whole, she attempted to utilize another one of the mystical stones. It wasn’t a sure fire bet, but the previous two seemed to be directly linked to her emotional state, whether intentional or not. Stupid jokes, silly cartoons, memes, anything that fanned her juvenile sense of humor. While the stallions grew nearer, she waved at them, and noticed that the blue gem was beginning to ignite.
“Pull my hoof,” she flatly stated, offering her free, keratin covered appendage to either of them. The pair stopped, looking at one another in confusion, before directing their attention back at her. She didn’t know either of their names, but that didn’t matter. “Go ahead, trust me,” she goaded, waving the hoof between then.
Reluctantly, one of the two reached out and gave it a little tug; in response, Anon blew a raspberry. It was a stupid, completely infantile prank, one which no self respecting adult stallion or mare would find amusing, yet something magical happened. One of the stallions snickered, barely restraining a laugh. His friend, however, wasn’t as composed, immediately erupting into a giggle fit. Anon, fighting back a chuckle of her own, was more pleased than ever.
Smiling proudly, Anon turned and began plodding back towards Ponyville. Hearing the two stallions laughing behind her, she felt emboldened. Though she was, by no stretch, a master of her newly acquired artifacts, she was content with the swift progress she’d made. As she moved towards town, trotting down the dusty road, she noticed a familiar purple speck flying above the city, almost as if it was searching for something or someone.
Spotting the Princess in the distance, her brow furrowed. Her slow trot transitioned into a canter, then a full blown gallop. Knowing Twilight, she likely had her friends scouring the town for her, especially after her disappearing act with Discord. As she crossed the bridge leading into town, something tackled her from out of nowhere.
Squirming about, Anon looked behind herself. Pinning her to the ground, albeit not in an overly hostile way, stood Rainbow Dash. The smug look on the prismatically maned mare caused a wounded look to cross her face. Dash had always held a special place in her heart, and the thought of such betrayal from the Wonderbolt left her speechless.
“I’m betting you’re the filly that Twilight was looking for!” Dash proclaimed, helping Anon to her hooves.
Even though Anon had never really interacted with Rainbow Dash, she knew her well enough from having watched the show on Earth. As such, she chose her next words very, very carefully. “Maybe? What’s Princess Twilight want with a filly? Is someone skipping school?” she asked, doing her damnedest to play the innocent card.
The pegasus paused, looking her up and down, before giving a tiny shrug. “Honestly, I’m not too sure. She just told everypony that there was an ‘aggravating green filly’ running around that she needed to talk to. Asked if the girls and I could help her find her,” she said, rubbing her chin.
“Well, whoever this weird green filly is, I’m not her. Don’t you have anything better to be doing?” Anon pressed, her patience beginning to wane. It would be bad enough to deal with Twilight alone, so having the other members of the mane six around would only complicate issues. If she could distract Dash, even temporarily, it couldn’t make the situation any worse.
“Yeah, I thought it was kinda silly myself. I was supposed to be on cloud duty today, even though I was totally going to skip out and get some practice for the upcoming Wonderbolts show in Fillydelphia,” Dash groaned.
“If you did, I wouldn’t tell anypony,” Anon responded, giving the pegasus a sly wink. Seriously, if she’d just…
“Yeah, buck it, this is stupid. I mean, why do I have to waste my time to find some young mare? If Twilight wants her so bad, she can find her herself,” the pegasus grumbled, stomping a hoof in irritation. “Alright, Squirt, if you see some green filly, who looks sort of like you, go tell the Princess...,” Dash murmured, rocketing into the sky and away from Ponyville.
Anon could scarcely believe it, she’d actually fended off one of the elements of harmony. Waving goodbye, she realized one of the gems, the neon pink one, was gleaming brightly. If she had to guess, she’d unwittingly unleashed the impatience stone’s power upon the pegasus, not that she minded. Regardless of how she’d pulled it off, Rainbow Dash was now out of her hair, so that was one less pony to worry about.
Watching the rainbow maned pegasus depart, she started her journey back into town. Now having successfully utilized four of the six jewels about her mitted hoof, her confidence soared. She still had no way of knowing if the eldritch relics she wielded would be enough to directly oppose an alicorn’s might, but she was about to find out. As she rounded a corner, she came to a screeching halt, having come face to face with…
“Twilight…” she formally noted, nodding to the Princess.
“Anon…” Twilight countered, nodding in turn, “we need to talk…” Squaring off against the pint-sized earth pony, she was unreadable.
“About what? About how Celestia turned me into a tiny horse? Or maybe about how Lyra had some weird human museum in her house?” Anon barked, flipping the shaggy black mane from her face. While it was true that Twilight hadn’t directly wronged her, she was the royal cake eater’s prodigal student, so she couldn’t be trusted.
“I know it’s a lot to process, and I swear I didn’t know that Celestia’s spell was going to backfire the way it did, but I want to help!” Twilight insisted, shaking her head and frustratedly stamping her hoof.
Seeing the Princess’ reaction gave Anon a moment for pause. Her expression softened, as she weighed her options. It was true that Twilight had never treated her poorly; in fact, she’d done nothing but try to help her in the past. Even as a human, she’d attempted to help with her, formerly his, integration into magical horse land. As she opened her mouth to ask what Twilight’s intentions were, twin flares of arcane light appeared beside the element of magic.
Blinking rapidly, and clearing her vision, Anon’s face contorted into unfettered contempt. There, flanking Twilight, stood Celestia and Luna. The latter seemed stoic, almost disinterested, while the former looked openly displeased. Now confronted with three of the most powerful ponies in all of Equestria, the situation had taken a turn for the worst. So, bearing that in mind, the pint-sized mare did the most reasonable thing she could think of.
“You titanic, fat assed, prick!” Anon screamed, her anger overriding any semblance of control she’d briefly held.
The three stood silent, watching the irate, runtish mare’s face redden, although their reactions stood in stark contrast to one another’s. Twilight and Luna appeared taken aback, but resolute, although Celestia bore a conceited smirk on her face. Where the two smaller alicorns remained motionless, the tallest of the three actually took a step forward.
“Anon, while I’m sure you miss that particular part of your anatomy, even if it was woefully unfit to service anycreature in Equestria, I assure you, name calling isn’t going to fix any of your problems,” Celestia chided, condescension dripping from her words.
Celestia’s biting remark nearly sent Anon into a blind rage, but something stopped her. Feeling the padded mitt around her hoof, she remembered the trump card Discord had given her. Lifting her foreleg, and brandishing the gem encrusted cooking accessory, an arrogant smile crept across her face. If this didn’t work, she’d be at their mercy, but it was the only option she had available.
Drawing on the juvenile elements of her very nature, she poured her emotions into the artifact. Multi-colored lightning leapt from stone to stone, as their power surged. Aiming the mitt at the eldest alicorn, with her hoof wreathed in eldritch power, she prayed her plan would work. Realistically, if she could pull this off, it would likely aggravate the situation, yet she felt inclined to let the Princess have a taste of her own medicine.
“I may not have a dick anymore, but now you do!” she growled, loosing a bolt of mystical energy at Celestia.
Stricken by the blast, Celestia took a step back, but seemed unfazed. Looking about, and realizing that the attack had done no damage, her grin broadened. “Really? That’s the best you can do?” she haughtily attested, her confidence renewed. Shaking her head, she looked to her sister and pupil, although what she found caused her to freeze.
Both Luna and Twilight bore a pained expression, with her former student standing in open shock. Though uninjured, each of them seemed fixated on her or, more specifically, something beneath her. Craning her neck downward, to see what had their attention, Celestia’s jaw dropped. Dangling under her, and firmly attached to her loin, was a mammoth length of alabaster meat.
Anon was astonished. The fact that her spell had worked, perfectly adorning the eldest Princess with a titanic marecock, was too rich. Stifling a laugh, she watched the trio of alicorn’s reaction. Twilight was obviously flustered, likely due to seeing her idol’s newly formed appendage. Luna, while displeased, seemed to be struggling with restraining some amusement. Celestia though, poor Celestia was nonplussed.
Without a word, and before anyone could say a damn thing, Celestia vanished, teleporting herself, along with her newfound appendage, away to god knows where. Luna quickly followed suit, warping herself after her sister; likely to lend moral support, if nothing else. Now facing the youngest Princess, Anon’s confidence returned. If she could successfully deal with the sisters, Twilight should be a cake walk.
“Very mature, Anon…” Twilight flatly rebuked, clearly unamused.
“Speaking of which…” Anon countered. The mention of maturity gave her an idea; quite possibly the best idea with which to deal with the scholarly alicorn. Leveling her gauntlet at the remaining Princess. Channeling her childlike nature, as well as a healthy pinch of her bawdy and awkward elements, through the relic, she unleashed another blast of power.
Caught unawares, Twilight bore the brunt of the sorcerous assault. Much like her mentor, she was unharmed, although the effects of the onslaught quickly made themselves known. Shaking off the iridescent aura of the stones’ might, she glowered at her filly-sized adversary. “I don’t know what you did, but I’m gonna make you pay for that, you little shit!”
“Takes one to know one,” Anon shot back, boldly taking a step forward. Even though her plan to cloud the Princess’ judgement with the stones’ might was successful, she wasn’t going to just stand there and let the alicorn talk trash.
“All I wanted to do was help, but no; you can’t pull your head out of your ass for five seconds, can you?” Twilight continued, moving closer to the pint-sized mare.
“Hey! I didn’t ask to be turned into a pastel horse girl! And I sure as shit didn’t want to be cursed with loving dick!” she shamelessly admitted.
“Maybe you liked it all along!” the Princess patronizingly asserted.
“At least I can get laid, unlike some ponies!” Anon retaliated, remembering Twilight’s half-hearted crush on Flash Sentry, the loathsome chad that he was.
“Maybe I’ll go get some action right now!” Twilight petulantly shot back, brushing the mane from her face.
“Please! As if the great and obsessive compulsive Twiggles could find someone to bed that easily,” Anon scoffed, raising a brow in disbelief.
“Well, since you’re so insistent on proclaiming yourself as the Princess of cock socks, why don’t I start with you?” the alicorn taunted, her horn igniting in arcane light.
“The fuck does that…” Anon’s question died in her throat, as she saw a vascular dong materializing beneath Twilight. Nearly as large as Thunderlane’s, and surrounded by a vivid, violet aura, with hints of harlequin green around the edges, it throbbed menacingly. Unlike Celestia’s, this one was clearly intended for her, which meant only one thing…
The gems on Anon’s mitt glowed fiercely, as she concentrated. All of her crude depravity, irritability, and maladroitness was shunted through the stones, causing arks of opalescent fire to cascade around her. The din of a churlish shriek shattered windows in the surrounding area, as her body acted as a conduit for the otherworldly might she wielded. Wreathed in flame, and in a blinding flash, she ascended.
Shielding her eyes, Twilight only looked when the maelstrom had ended. Anon was still there, still in one piece, but something was different. On her back sat a pair of unfurled wings, the same green color as her coat, and a horn peeked through her shaggy mane, although those weren’t what was most troubling. Dangling from the filly’s groin, with its tip resting on the soil below, was a tool to rival her own, albeit differently colored.
Taking a moment, Anon looked herself over. She felt more powerful than she ever had, almost as if she could take on the world with little effort. Strangely, the oven mitt, along with the jewels adorning it, were gone, replaced by scorch marks around her hoof. While the loss of the relics was regrettable, she had bigger problems to deal with. A chuckle caused her to peer upward, right at the mirthful alicorn strutting towards her.
“And here I was figuring you were content acting as Ponyville’s resident hussy,” Twilight chuckled, drawing nearer.
“At least I know how to service a stallion!” Anon barked, stepping up to confront her foe.
“Clearly, given the fact you even flung yourself at Zephyr Breeze!” Twilight tittered.
“Hey! I don’t see you getting any sort of action! At this rate, you might as well add ‘The Princess of Chastity’ to your title!” Anon jeered. Despite her words, she kept sneaking glances at the alicorn’s tool.
“Well then, I might as well start with the village bicycle, shouldn’t I?” the Princess continued, her face now a scant few inches from the dwarfish mare’s.
After sizing up her opponent, Anon locked eyes with Twilight. “First one to cum loses?”
“You’re on…”
And just like that, Anon tackled Twilight to the ground. Knocked to her back, and caught woefully unawares, the Princess was not prepared for the carnal assault. With reckless abandon, the diminutive green mare deeply kissed her, while clutching the back of her head. Not to be outdone, she pressed back, digging her tongue into the filly-sized pony’s maw. Belly to belly, their sorcerously generated dongs ground against one another.
It wasn’t like Anon had gone into the confrontation expecting to french kiss Twilight Sparkle, as some midget alicorn, yet it had happened all the same. The sensation of having a cock again, and a vascular, equine one at that, while immensely pleasing, wasn’t doing her any favors. Maybe it was the influx of hormones, the full utilization of the gems’ power, having reaped sweet, sweet revenge upon Celestia, or some combination of the three, but she had quickly lost herself to the moment.
Overcome with the urge to sate her all encompassing lust, and sexually conquer Twilight, she set herself to task. Gyrating atop the Princess, Anon bucked her hips, causing their shafts to rub against each other. Pulling away, and leaving a string of saliva to dangle between their parted lips, she eyed the mare.
“I’m gonna make you cum so hard you can’t walk,” Anon purred, continuing to lewdly wriggle about.
“Not if I make you cum first,” Twilight boldly retorted. In the blink of an eye, she magically levitated the bastard alicorn upward and spun her around. Now facing Anon’s dangling donglus, her head shot forward. With all the expertise of an inexperienced teenager, she eagerly began licking and suckling the crown of the smaller mare’s length.
Anon reached down, seized the Princess’ prick, and guided it to her muzzle. There was no way in hell she was going to lose to Twilight; maybe in a battle of magic, wits, looks, overall appeal, or even in color palette choice, but sure as shit not in a dick sucking competition. Leaning forward, she practically inhaled the first half of her foe’s cock.
With a shiver of pleasure, Twilight’s motions slowed. Anon couldn’t blame her, considering it was the first time she’d had a dick, as far as she knew, let alone felt the velvety grace of another’s tongue upon it. Sensing an opening, she thrust her hips downward, burying a few inches of herself into her partner’s throat. Now that she had the Princess pinned, she could fully commit herself to choking herself on the long, hard, fat meat lodged in her gullet.
Glancing up, past the swaying nuts and bouncing ass of the contentious green alicorn, Twilight realized she had to do something to give herself an edge. Despite the fact that Anon had only been a mare for a few days, she’d become quite the prolific little slut, and her oral skills were staggeringly effective. She knew she couldn’t win playing fair, so she decided to play dirty.
Materializing from nowhere, an ethereal, orchid colored boner hovered behind Anon’s rear. It was a crude, simple spell, one that many unicorns used to pleasure themselves with, although Twilight hoped it would tip the scales in her favor. Lining it up with her partner’s rump, the Princess rammed it forward, right into Anon’s tush.
Feeling something dig into her ass, damn near tactically crushing the prostate she’d unwittingly given herself during her ascension into an alicorn dickmare, caused Anon’s eyes to fly open. Steeling her resolve, she drew a deep breath through her nostrils, before choking herself on Twilight’s fuck-stick. Reaching down, she gently cradled the pair of fuzzy purple nuts beneath her.
Now locked in the most royal sixty nine in Equestria’s recent history, barring that one unintentionally incestuous coupling between a pair of Saddle Arabian nobles, the two alicorns fellated one another. Twilight used her magic to her advantage, but Anon easily had her on experience and technique. The only sounds which could be heard, barring the hushed murmurs from onlookers, were those of gagging and wet slurping.
Twilight screwed her eyes shut, attempting to stave off the mounting pleasure of Anon’s fellatio, yet it was quickly becoming too much to bear. Her hips bucked upward, as her body sought to fully bury her tool in the mare’s gob. Warm, hot, and astonishingly snug, the impudent girl’s throat was sublime.
Truth be told, Anon wasn’t faring much better. Between the sorcerous dildo in her ass, and the Princess’s passionate ministrations, she was getting close herself. Timing her breaths, she drew in air on Twilight’s backstrokes, while relaxing herself on the thrusts. It was a war of attrition, to see which of them popped first, and it was only a matter of time until one of them lost.
Feeling herself teetering on the brink, Twilight could see victory slipping from her hooves. To think she’d lose to somepony who, up until recently, had been a virgin themselves was galling! Her thighs trembled, her bucking hips jerked fitfully, and she was struggling to breathe properly. At this rate, she’d lose for sure, unless...
The mystical construct in Anon’s ass doubled in girth, positively crushing her p-spot and causing a gout of pre-cum to rocket down her shaft. With few other options, and on the cusp of losing control, she was left with only once choice. In one brazen bob of her head, she hilted Twilight’s member in herself. Now completely cut off from air, she furiously massaged her partner’s grundle, praying that it would be enough to make the mare pop.
As fate would have it, the two climaxed at nearly the same instant, although Anon was able to hold on for a fraction of a second longer. A true photo finish, as the saying goes, with two alicorns spontaneously cumming in an ouroboros of degeneracy. Hot seed surged through their cocks, as sparks of uncontrolled magical discharge sputtered from their horns. Locked together, each filled the other with their spunk, they rode out their orgasms.
As much as Anon would like to lie there and recuperate, her oxygen starved body demanded otherwise. On shaky legs, she pushed herself up, allowing Twilight’s softening tool to slip from her maw. Coughing a mixture of saliva and precum, she drew air into her lungs, before something cold and metallic slammed against her face.
Wearily shaking her head, and with ropes of spunk slinging from her maw, she looked over to see what the hell just happened. Her surprise turned to antipathy, as she noticed Discord floating a short distance away. Seated on a wooden throne, he held a bag of popcorn in one hand, and his semi-flaccid dick in the other. Reluctantly, she glanced down at what had struck her, only to find a sticky pail sitting on the dirt nearby.
“My my, you really made a mess of things, and much quicker than I could have ever expected!” Discord giggled bemusedly. Kicking his feet over the side of his chair, he dug his face into his popcorn, while simultaneously wringing the last few drops of jizz from his member.
‘Don’t say it. Don’t fucking…’ Anon thought to herself, but it was too late.
“It even made me cum buckets,” the draconequus cackled.
Tired, sore, and leaking cum from her now freed dick, Anon staggered forward. Her wings, horn, and tool dissipated, steadily fading from her small frame, as the power feeding them had been spent. “Where’d the stones go?” she bluntly asked.
“Gone back to their owners, I suppose,” Discord mused, stroking his goatee with a spunk slickened claw.
Peering back at the insensate Twilight, Anon knew she’d bought herself some time, but how much was questionable. She wasn’t sure who these “owners” were, but she realized that, if she wanted to stand half a chance against Twilight, along with the other alicorns, she’d need the gems back. Turning to Discord, she glowered up at the chaos deity.
“...Where are they?”