Scott Pilgrim in Equestria. Lots of confusion. Humor. Canadian.
Scott Pilgrim is your average 24 year old Canadian Born Slacker. He was in a rocking band, dated a couple girls, and had beat 7 evil ex's into pocket change for a girl. Your average guy. Although, now he is somewhere almost as strange and confusing as Toronto, a land called Equestria.
A Cross-Over between the Scott Pilgrim books and Some show about Magical Ponies or whatever, i'm sure you've heard about it.
My first fic that I've written. Criticism welcome.
The Subspace Highway was a terrible place to get lost. It was long, twisty, constantly changing, and sometimes fatal if you didn't have a guide. Unfortunately for our Canadian born hero, he was seperated from his beloved girlfriend do to an epic act of heroism, that we will explore in some later chapter. Our Hero gazed into the twisty horizons that sort of reminded him of Rainbow Road from Mario Cart, a contemplative look on his face. A card showing his name and important information appeared nearby.
“What?” he exclaimed, looking down on his own info card. “If that thing's back, it looks like I'm probably going to have another overly complicated and insane adventure...I thought I was done with those.” He said, sighing. “Whatever, If its showing up now that means something will probably happen soon if I keep walking.”
-ONE HOUR LATER-
“God damn it!” He shouted, angry that his info card has mislead him. Too make matters worse, he had to pee. Scott Pilgrim, winner of Romona Flower's heart, slayer of 7 evil Ex-Boyfriends (one of whom was a girl), Best Fighter in Canada, and totally the best bass Player ever... Defeated by what seems like a never ending Rainbow Road to nowhere. Trying to take his mind off the fact he had to pee, and the narrative seemed to be going nowhere, he let his mind wonder.
He missed his friends. He wondered how Stephen Stills and Kim were doing in the band...or did the band break up after they realized they were terrible and had no fans? Scott cursed his own terrible memory. He wondered what Wallace would say to him if he were here. Probably something smart like not getting lost or whatever. He also missed that one guy with a car. If he were there he could totally drive him so he didn't have to walk! He of course, missed most of all, was his girlfriend Ramona Flowers. The girl he fought so hard for and now lost on this strange Highway of the mind.
When all hope seemed lost, and Scott heavily considered peeing off the side of the road, he saw in the distance that someone's dream. That could be his ticket to directions and a bathroom! He ran as fast as he could towards the dream, noting that from a distance it looked rather colorful... Probably a kids dream or something.
A purple unicorn stood in front of her own library, quivering in fear as she looked up at her mentor and ruler who seemed very upset with her. The white alicorn goddess, had been carrying a stack of paper's with her magic. “Miss Sparkle, All of these reports that you have written are terrible! Its obvious you haven't really learned anything while you were here and it was a mistake to ever make you my student!” she said in a harsh authoritative manner.
“Your punishment, is that you must repeat magical kindergarten forever!” She said as lightning struck in the background. The unicorn was on the verge of tears, “Why Celestia? Why is this happening!” she said as a dunce cap appeared on her head.
“Its not!” came a voice in the background. The unicorn looked over to see some strange ape-like creature walking towards her front door. “You're just having some strange dream”
The rest of the dream sort of just stopped, leaving the unicorn standing in front of the weird visitor, obviously a figment of her imagination. She was about to shrug it off and try waking herself up until it started speaking again.
“Umm, yeah, I'm Scott Pilgrim, so um.. Your parents wouldn't mind if I just walked in and used their bathroom, would they?”
The Unicorn raised an eyebrow, thinking about how weird her sub-conscious was. But she decided to humor her own mind. “I'm..Twilight Sparkle and...”
Twilight stood confused staring at the black card that just showed up. This was by far the weirdest dream she ever had, at least of the ones she remembered. “Age unknown? But I know my age! I am...wait, you? Scott person! Come back here!” The creature called Scott ignored her and proceeded to knock on her door.
Twilight woke up to knocking. Strange coincidence.. She yawned and got out of bed. “I'll get it!” came the voice of her number one assistant, as she walked down stairs, wondering who it could be. When she got to the bottom of the stairs, she looked over at her little baby dragon assistant, Spike.
Twilight stood still looking at the black box. There it was again, Spike didn't seem to notice it, but she did! What was this? It didn't make sense! Was it some sort of spell? And what of this age unknown thing? Spikes age was obviously... Wait a second, if that from her dream was happening, what were the chances that..
The door opened and a familiar voice spoke. “Hey, I'm Sco- AHH! GIANT LIZARD MONSTER!” Before Twilight could do anything, Spike was launched across the room and hit a bunch of books. Twilight ran to the aid of her friend and assistant.
“Spike! Spike! Are you okay?” Spike seemed a bit dazed, one odd thing that Twilight noticed was that the green on spikes spine scales were now white. “You punched the green out of his scales!” she turned too the large ape creature who looked confused and threatened. She let her magic pulse through her out of concern for her friend and anger that someone would so quickly hurt him.
“YOU PUNCHED THE GREEN OUT OF HIS SCALES” Her eyes glowed, she picked up the weird intruder she remembered as Scott Pilgrim and threw him against a wall. He hit it hard, and fell unconscious.
Scott shook his head waking up. His head hurt. He must have had a weird dream. As his eyes opened and he examined the room, he noticed that he was tied up, and in a library... which doubled as a tree. Oh crap, it wasn't a dream. The demon horned horse thing called Twilight stood in front of him. She seemed angry, and weirdly curious.
“Who are you? What are you? Why did you attack my Assistant? Did someone send you? Did I create you in my mind? Are you a work of Discord? An ancient civilization? Do you know Pinkie Pie?” The questions were just drilled at him one after another with no pauses.
“Umm...yeah, I didn't catch that.. Can you ask the last one again? And possibly all the other's before that?” Twilight let out a sigh.
“Okay...What are you?” She asked frustrated.
“Oh.. Um, I suppose I'm Human? Is that what your asking?”
“Okay..Where did you come from?”
“Toronto, Canada”
The Purple Unicorn thing named Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Canada? You mean Canterda?”
“...What?” Scott had no idea what was going on anymore. One second he was on a magical rainbow bridge traveling through a road that goes through peoples minds with his girlfriend who he had to beat up 7 people into coins to get with, all perfectly normal. Now he was in a world where ponies talked!
“Why are you here” The Unicorn finally asked.
“I got lost on the Sub-Space Highway.. Do you guys have that in..um..is this place Canterda?”
Twilight laughed “oh, Oh no. Canterda is another name for the Frozen Planes north of here. No, This is Equestria...and, no, I've never heard of this..Highway of yours, but I will look it up as soon as my number one assistant (whom you attacked) gets up”
The Unicorn began picking up several books off her shelf using her magic. She turned to him “oh! by the look on your face and the fact that you come from a far away place, I'm sure your confused how exactly I'm doing this huh?”
“No no, I'm not stupid. Its obviously because your Vegan”
"So let me get this straight" Twilight tried to reason as she listened to Scott's story. "You come from a world, where ponies...I mean people... who don't eat cheese apparently have magic powers, and also po-people explode into money when they die? And what's with those black boxes?"
"No no no, don't be silly, only when you defeat them in combat. As for the Black Boxes, those are just there for the convince of the audience. We can see them, but its probably best for all those involved if you ignore them." Scott was at this point getting tired of explaining his perfectly normal world to this pony and her magical world of strangeness. "Also, Vegans don't eat meat as well."
Twilight sighed, "Very well, I'll just... Wait, M-Meat? Oh, your species is... Omnivorous"
"Yup, why you don't eat meat? You should try it! Are there any cow's in this world? I'll totally cook you a hamburger or whatever"
Twilight eyes widened. She had to remind herself that he was from a different world, and circle of life. That still didn't stop her next outburst though. "YOU EAT COWS!?! Some of the most polite ponies in Ponyville are Cows!"
"Oh really? Cows are people? Weird...do they still taste good?" Scott felt his chair being thrown by magic, slamming against the floor and scattering a bunch of letters. Luckily his rope was undone in the process. He got up and grabbed one of the enveloped letters. "Who's...The Great And Powerful Trixie?"
Twilight groaned, getting really tired of this guy. "Are-Are you reading my Mail!"
Scott was opening it. "That's a dirty lie"
"Why are you so rude!"
"Opening other people's letters is a Canadian Custom"
"I doubt that"
"So Ponies like to oppress other people's culture. So intolerant."
"Ughh, fine, its not like she has anything important to say anyway. I'm going to go check on Spike" She said walking out the room, visibly annoyed and concerned about the dangers this creature posed to Equestria. Scott meanwhile began reading the letter this Trixie person wrote.
Dear Miss Sparkle,
The Great and Powerful Trixie is writing to tell you that she still holds a grudge against you, for embarrassing Trixie to no end for your own sick amusement. Trixie has not been able to get you out of her mind, keeping her awake at all hour of the night, with a cold sweat as you enter my dreams... That is to say, that the dreams Trixie has of humiliating you once and for all, and nothing at all of the romantic or erotic nature.
The Great and Powerful Trixie would also like to say, that I have joined with a group of your enemies to create what one called, The League of Antagonist. We will be...
Scott stopped reading. This was boring! He crumbled up the letter and threw it in the fireplace. He looked down at the rest of the letters. A lot of letters from someone named Celestia, probably nobody important. Before he could even pick up another letter the door slammed open. A cyan pegasus with a rainbow maned walked through it.
"Hey Twi, I finished with the-" She stopped and stared at the strange creature going through the pile of letters. "MONSTER!" She shouted, wasting no time to crouch and do a flying charge at Scott.
Scott, having no time to block, rolled with great speed away from the pegasus's charge, causing her to crash head first into a shelf full of books, causing them all too fall on the unfortunate cyan pony. "How the hay did you do that?" she groaned trying to gett up.
Scott beamed. "I mastered Dodge Roll back in the 11th grade! I knew it would be more important then things like Algebra and History" He then helped the rainbow maned attacker up. "Anyway, sorry for the confusion. I'm Scott Pilgrim"
Still a little confused she nodded and introduced herself. "I'm Rainbow Dash, Fastest Flyer in Equestria." She beamed herself, doing an athletic pose.
"So where they Hay did you come from anyway?"
"Well, you see I..." He was interrupted by a familiar groan. Twilight was walking down the stairs, annoyed by the pile of books on the ground on top of the rest of the days annoyances.
"Rainbow Dash, I see you've met Scott." she said walking up to the two. "I apologize for anything he might have said or done" she gave Scott a mean glare.
"Don't sweat it Twi, I thought he looked pretty scary at first, but he seems pretty cool. Anyone who comes close to keeping up with me has to be."
"What?" Twilight responded with worry.
"In fact, I was thinking about showing him around Ponyville."
As much as Twilight would have loved to keep the weird new creature, whom might be dangerous, away from public eye. However, it didn't take her long to realize that if Scott really was a threat to Equestria, she would need all the help of her friends. And like that, did began her, Scott, and Rainbow Dash's journey too Surgarcube Corner.
The group got weird looks from passersby, looking at the strange creature that walked through Ponyville with two of the elements of harmony. Twilight sighed, wishing they would have came up with more of a plan.
"Dude." Scott began as another Pony gave him a feared look and trotted away from them. "Why does everyone hate me? Is it because i'm not a pony? are ponies racist?"
"They just have never seen... a creature like you before" Twilight tried to explain.
"So i'm stuck in a world with racist ponies. Well, not my worse day, at least nobody is trying to kill me" he said, not noticing the plotting eyes watching him from the distance.
They arrived at Sugarcube Corner, Rainbow Dash just finishing the story of her first Sonic Rainboom. "So, that's when I broke through the sound barrier, and soared into the sky leaving a rainbow trailing behind me!" she said confidently.
"Wow. So wait, let me get this straight, you can fly?" he said looking at the cyan Pegasus who was flying slightly over him.
"...Um.. yeah"
"Wow, that's neat!" he said reaching out to touch one of her wings, Rainbow Dash slapping his hand before he could.
"DUDE! Not Cool!" Rainbow Dash shouted in disgust, "You can't just got and touch a Pegasus's Wings...Not without at LEAST a dinner and a movie first" she said rolling her eyes.
"Wait, What!?" Scott exclaimed in confusion.
"Were here" Twilight said in annoyance, hoping to Celestia that he wouldn't have to explain the basics of Equestrian courtship to him at any given moment of him being there.
"So...Your friend lives in a Gingerbread house?" Scott asked scraching his head.
"She lives and works here yes" Rainbow Dash answered.
"Weird..."
Twilight rolled her eyes. "I assure you Scott, Equestria is not as weird as you think it is, in time everything will seem normal" She opened the door, only to get blasted with confetti and balloons. The inside of the shop was completely decorated for a party. A large banner in the back said Welcome to Ponyville. A pink mare popped up from seemingly nowhere, putting a party hat on Scott and Shooting more Confetti.
"Hi there! I'm Pinkie Pie! AND WELCOME TO PONYVILLE!" The Pink Mare shouted.
PINKIE PIE
HYPERACTIVE AND LOVES PARTIES
Before Scott could say anything the Pink Pony began to burst into song.
"Welcome welcome welcome
A fine welcome to you
Welcome welcome welcome
I say how do you do?
Welcome welcome welcome
I say hip hip hurray
Welcome welcome welcome
To Ponyville today"
She shouted as she went over too a cart, that shout out confetti from an oven.
"uh oh.." Pinkie Said.
"Not again..." Twilight sighed.
"HIT THE DIRT!" Rainbow Dash shouted as she hid under a table. Scott watched in confusion as nearly everyone began to duck. The cart shaking a bit before shooting out cake batter all over the room, covering Scott.
"oops. Sorry. Sometimes I put the cake batter in the confetti cannon, and the confetti in the cake baker" she said giggling and bouncing over to Scott, rubbing the batter off himself.
Twilight came out from under the table "Um... Scott, this is my good friend Pinkie Pie, Pinkie, this is Scott Pilgrim... He isn't from around here"
Scott finally uncovered his face and looked at the Pink Mare smiling and bouncing. "Its good to meet you! I've never seen a creature like you in all of Equestria! And I should Know! I think I've been nearly Everywhere in Equestria! Except I hadn't been too Manehatten yet, I bet there are all kinds of parties there! Oh my Gosh! Is that where you're from? Is THAT was Manehattenites look like? No Wonder Applejack couldn't fit in! So Welcome to Ponyville! I'm sure its nothing like Manehatten"
Scott looked down at Twilight, Pinkie still talking, mentioning something about oatmeal. "Does this get normal?"
Twilight looked over at Pinkie who mid-sentence sneezed out confetti "i'll tell you when I know the answer" she said sighing.
