Of Pranks and Pranksters
"I am telling you, Twilight: I am going to unleash the full fury of Tartarus on that prankster!" Rarity was nearly yelling. "Look at what she did to my lovely mane! For the third time this week!!!!"
Twilight had to admit it looked pretty bad. Somehow it had been dyed green with red, blue, and white specks through it. She fought back a snicker at Rarity's overreacting fury.
"Rainbow Dash has been playing pranks alot lately." She conceeded, thoughtfully.
"Darling, she has declared an all out prank WAR!!!!" Rarity exclaimed. "And she doesn't seem to notice it's all one sided! Everypony is getting very angry with her! She has gone on an uncontrollable rampage. Why, just yesterday, in the span of one hour.....ONE HOUR, TWILIGHT!....she single hoofedly pranked fifteen ponies. Fifteen!! And one was me! Well, more accurately it was Opalecense, but still!"
"What did she do to your cat?" Twilight asked, frowning.
"She dyed the poor thing blue, coated her in honey, and stuck her in a tree!" Rarity was incensed. "The poor dear got covered in ants and Fluttershy had to take her home with her and spend two hours calming her down!"
"Well, that's not right." Twilight said. "I better have a talk with her. I think things are starting to get out of hoof."
"You THINK?!" Rarity cried indignantly, pointing her hoof at her horrid mane style. "I shall be at this for hours! Please, do talk to her.......before I do something I will seriously regret!!!"
Twilight hurried out the door to find Rainbow Dash, leaving a seething Rarity to try her best to restore her mane to its former glory.
**********************************
"RAINBOW DASH!!!!"
The outraged voice of Applejack caused Twilight to break into a run. She skidded to a stop by her friend and her empty cart.
Wait......empty?
"Applejack, didn't you bring apples today?" She asked.
"Yes, Ah did!" huffed the furious farm pony. "An' SOMEPONY swooshed in an' took em and put em up on that there roof!"
Twilight followed her hoof. Sure enough, a dozen baskets were stacked neatly on the roof in a manner that defied gravity. She sighed.
"Let me help you." She said, then levitated the baskets carefully back into the cart.
"Thank ya kindly, Twilight." Said Applejack. "At least someponies I know ain't tryin' to drive me outta my head with thier gulldern pranks!"
"I'm going to catch her and talk to her." Twilight said.
"Ah hope somepony does!" Applejack growled. "Ah can't take no more of this! The apples today, lettin' my pigs loose two days in a row.......I tell ya, Twilight, I'm fixin' to plumb lose my mind!"
"Which way did she go?" asked Twilight. Applejack pointed her hoof.
"Toward Fluttershy's." she said, and trotted off with her cart.
Twilight sighed. "Rainbow Dash...." she growled, before heading to Fluttershy's.
**********************************
The scene that greeted her at the little cottage was not what she expected. All the animals were panicking and Fluttershy was trying to calm them.
"Fluttershy, what happened?" Twilight asked, capturing a fleeing squirrel in her magic and letting Fluttershy have it.
"Oh, Twilight, it was horrible!" the yellow pegasus said. "We were all enjoying the day, and then Rainbow Dash jumped out in a Timber Wolf costumed and nearly gave all my animals heart attacks! And me! She was SO scary!"
"You sure it was Dash?" Twilight asked.
"It had a rainbow mane poking through the sticks. And Dashie's growl is very much NOT a Timber Wolf."
Twilight gritted her teeth in annoying. Pranks were fine, so long as they were light and harmless. But this.......pranking the timid FLUTTERSHY, of all ponies, with a scare like that! Not to mention terrifying her poor animals!
"Rainbow Dash!" she said angrily.
A laugh above them made them look up in time to see a blue blur disappear towards town.
"Excuse me." said Twilight. "I'm gonna go kick some flank!"
"Let me know when you get her, please, Twilight." Fluttershy's voice was soft, but held an edge of steel in it. Twilight swung around to face her, blinking in astonishment. Eyes focused on where Rainbow Dash had vanished, Fluttershy spoke again, still in the same steely tone.
"I could stand being scared myself.....maybe. But she scared my animals, Twilight! Innocent creatures! I won't tolerate that! So I'd appreciate it if you would let me know when you get ahold of her so I can come give her a piece of my mind!!!"
Twilight blinked once. Somehow she felt a little sorry for Dash. But only a little.
"I'll let you know, Fluttershy." She promised, and took off towards town, intent on finding one very anger provoking prankster.
***********************************
By the time Twilight got back to town, she was tired out from trying to locate Dash. She walked to Sugarcube Corner and entered, deciding to take a few minutes to indulge in a treat. That thought left her head the minute she entered, replaced instead with utter confusion and astonishment.
The place hadn't really changed drastically, but there were pictures of cakes and muffins on the counter, and Pinkie Pie, standing in her usual spot behind said counter, was crying.
Treat forgotten, Twilight flew to her side.
"Pinkie, what is it? What happened??" She asked anxiously, expecting the worst.
"Oh Twilight!" Pinkie sobbed, grabbing onto her. "It's so awful! It's so tragic!!"
"What is it?" Twilight asked, gently rubbing her hoof on Pinkie's back. The party pony hiccuped.
"Somepony sabotaged my timer!" She wailed. "I was baking and.....and.....I LOST FOUR CAKES AND TWO PANS OF MUFFINS!!! Burned beyond recognition!!!!" She proceeded to cry louder.
Twilight blinked as she hugged her friend tightly. To anypony else, losing four cakes and two pans of muffins to such a terrible baking accident might not have been too bad, but to Pinkie it might well have been the end of Equestria.
"I'm so sorry, Pinkie." She said.
Pinkie Pie seemed to suddenly rally. She pushed away from Twilight and stood up straight, her still somewhat teary eyes blazing.
"Twilight." She said slowly and deliberately. "We must find the the pony responsible for this crime. They must not go unpunished. The cakes and cupcakes must be avenged for having sacrified their batter to such an unspeakable tragedy!"
"Rainbow Dash." Twilight said, wishing she had the pegasus in front of her right now, but also glad she didn't.
"What?" Pinkie leaned towards her. "Are you saying Rainbow Dash is responsible for the baked goods' untimely destruction?"
Twilight had two options. Option one: tell Pinkie yes and let Rainbow Dash face who knew what form of retribution; or option two: quickly come up with a lie for why she'd said Dash's name. Her lips twitched slightly as she fought back a smug smile. No, Rainbow Dash had done enough damage. It was time for her to get a reality check.
"Yes, I am." Twilight said calmly.
Pinkie scowled. "That makes sense." She said, somewhat angrily. "She's been pranking everypony lately. Me included. I don't mind that, I think its fun. But when she causes four innocent cakes and two pans of innocent muffins to be completely destroyed, IT'S TOO MUCH!" She huffed.
Twilught stifled a giggle as a battle helmet and uniform jacket was produced and put on. Pinkie stood tall.
"This. Means. War." She declared. "I will find that pony, and when I do, she will pay a high price for her treachery against baked goods everywhere!" She looked at Twilight. "If you find her first, let me know!"
Twilight fought off a laugh and said firmly,"Oh I will. And believe me, you're not the only pony she'll answer to!"
***********************************
The castle door slammed with a vengeance, bringing Spike running.
"Twilight!" He said. He stopped when he saw her expression. "Uh oh. What's wrong?"
"Rainbow Dash is what's wrong!" Twilight said in frustration. "She's pranked half the ponies in town, including all our friends, and her pranks have gotten out of hoof!" She filled him in.
"Sheesh." The baby dragon shook his head. "Does she have a death wish?"
They had entered the library by now. Twilight walked over to the couch and threw herself on it. She looked over to see a plate of cookies on the table.
"Aw, Spike!" She said, smiling. "You made cookies?"
"Uh, no, I didn't." Spike said, staring at the treats in confusion. "I don't know where those came from."
Twilight instantly grew suspicious. She picked up the plate and carefully studied the cookies.
"Something is rotten in Fillydelphia, Spike." She muttered.
But to her suprise, very intense scrutiny yielded absolutely nothing. Nor did smelling. Or magic scans. Finally, she set the plate down and shrugged.
"Maybe there's not." She said, and popped one in her mouth. "Mmmm!"
Spike picked up a cookie and was preparing to eat it when Twilight made a strange choking noise. He looked up to see she was incredibly red and steaming at the ears. He yelped.
"WATER, SPIKE! WATER!!!" the youngest alicorn princess yelled.
Spike rushed out and returned in seconds with a big pitcher of water. She grabbed it from him in her magic and gulped it down. The steam vanished almost instantly. She set the pitcher down and sighed.
"Pepper in the cookies, Spike. Lots of pepper." She said, breathless.
A burst of laughter rang out, and a blue blur vanished from outside the doorway. Twilight instantly began steaming from her ears again.
"Rainbow Dash." She snarled. "You will pay for this!"
Spike promptly gagged and coughed out a note from Princess Celestia. Twilight took the paper and read it through quickly. Her eyes grew wide, her body tensed.
"SHE DID WHAT?!!" she screeched.
Spike took the scroll and read it.
"She stole the Princesses' crowns?!" He burst out. "And......and dyed Celestia's fur GREEN???! And.....oh no.....SHE FILLED THE THRONE ROOM WITH STORM CLOUDS?!" He looked up at Twilight, whose eye was twitching furiously, then glanced at the doorway where Rainbow Dash had been a short time before.
"She really does have a death wish!"
***********************************
"I am so glad you all could make it." Twilight said, voice curiously strained as she held in her temper.
Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Spike, and the rest of the Mane 6(with the exception of Dash)were gathered in the library. Rarity had returned her mane to normal, and Princess Celestia no longer had green fur......except for an inconspicuous patch of green right behind one ear. Nopony noticed.
"I have already convinced the townsponies not to throw Rainbow Dash out of town," she went on. "But her pranking has got to stop!"
"Yeah!" Applejack said, angrily.
Everypony shared thier tales with the others. Pinkie was last, and she stood straight, still in her war uniform.
"I lost four cakes and two dozen muffins!" She yelled. "They were horribly destroyed because my timer was sabotaged! It was Rainbow Dash's fault, and she must answer for it!" Her voice softened to a near whisper, turning threatening. "Nopony makes me burn perfectly good cakes and muffins. NOPONY!"
Spike shook his head at that. 'Rainbow Dash, you are in SO much trouble!' he thought sympathetically.
As if on cue, the door opened and in came the prankster herself. All eyes locked on her disapprovingly, and she lowered herself to stand in front of them.
"Heeeyyyy, guys....." she said hesitantly.
Twilight gave a nearly feral growl. And Rarity was instantly snout to snout with her.
"You!" She said furiously."You dyed my mane!!! In absolutely the most horrid arrangement of colors!!!! You terrorised my poor Opalesence! How DARE you??! You should be so ashamed of yourself!!!" The fashionista stomped a hoof for emphasis.
Rainbow Dash blinked and took a step back from the outraged white unicorn.
"Rares, it was joke!" She said. "A prank!"
"Pranks are not supposed to hurt and terrorise ponies!!!" Rarity shouted. "I should blast you through a wall, you....you.....RUDE and hurtful pony!"
Dash cringed. Rarity's horn sparked, and Twilight, shaking off her shock at the unicorn's rage, hastily grabbed her with her magic and moved her to a spot well away from Rainbow Dash, holding her there. She herself advanced on Dash.
"You put PEPPER in some of my favourite cookies!" She snapped. "Your pranks have caused no end of trouble, Rainbow Dash!"
"Yeah!" Applejack jumped in. "Ya stole my apples an' put em on a roof!!! Ya let my pigs loose twice!" She poked a hoof at Dash. "Do ya have any idea how hard it can be to round them critters up?!" She moved closer. "Shame on ya, Rainbow Dash!!!" She removed her hat and whacked Dash on the head none too gently before stomping back to her original place.
Twilight also went back to her spot, still keeping Rarity trapped in her magic so she wouldn't actually blast Dash through a wall.
"Rainbow Dash."
The voice was calm but edged with steel. Dash looked up to find Fluttershy striding towards her, a look of determination in her eyes. She came to a stop inches from Dash.
"I.....I.....Flutters, it was......I'm......" stammered Dash, ears pinned back at the unexpected sternness from the usually timid pony.
"Be quiet, Rainbow Dash, and let me finish." Fluttershy said firmly.
She leaned closer, turning her head slightly, emphasising every word carefully.
"You. Do. NOT. Scare. My. Animals." She leaned still closer, and delivered just enough of The Stare to make Dash cower slightly. "Do you understand me, Rainbow Dash?"
Dash was momentarily rendered speechless. Fluttershy had just used The Stare on her! Not full force, of course, but still.
"Well?" Fluttershy arched her eyebrow slightly higher, turning up the intensity of her Stare a bit.
"I....I....yeah.....yeah....I understand, Fluttershy!" Dash finally sputtered.
The Stare was cut off and Fluttershy gave a slight smile before trotting back to her spot. Dash gulped. Then she tensed.
Heavy, slow footsteps were heard. Along with something being dragged. Dash dared to look, and Pinkie was advancing with her smaller party cannon, looking both solemn and angry. She pulled to a stop, cannon aimed at Dash.
"You sabotaged my timer." She said solemnly. "You caused the tragic demise of four innocent cakes and two dozen muffins."
Dash backpedaled, trying to escape, only to back herself against the wall. "Pinks..."
"Stand and take your punishment like a pony!" Pinkie said sternly.
"It was only a prank, Pinkie! I didn't mean for your cakes and stuff to burn, I swear!" Dash tried to explain. But who could explain anything with a loaded cannon aimed at them??? Granted it was a party cannon, but it was still unnerving.
"I don't wanna hear it!" Pinkie Pie said. "Those poor baked goods never had a chance to even tell thier sweet relatives goodbye before they were ruthlessly destroyed! Tragic and needless casualties of your one sided prank war! They will be avenged!" Her hoof was already on the rope to her cannon. Her eyes gleamed slightly.
Dash pressed herself against the wall, trying to think of a way out and failing. Somepony cleared thier throat.
"Pinkie Pie?" Princess Celestia spoke up, trying not to laugh at the party pony's antics and Dash's obvious nervousness.
Both ponies looked at her, Pinkie in confusion, Dash in relief.
"Before you carry out her punishment for destroying such innocent baked goods," the sun princess continued, "would you allow my sister an I to speak?"
"Oh, sure, Princess!" Pinkie Pie said cheerfully. Then she glared at Dash. "But then I execute my vengeance!" Dash gulped.
Princess Celestia smiled slightly and looked at Dash. "Rainbow Dash." Her voice was firm. "While my sister and I enjoy the occassional prank....."
"WE ARE NOT HAPPY WITH THE ONES YOU CHOSE TO PLAY UPON US!!!!!" Luna boomed out in the Canterlot Voice.
Everypony winced at the noise, and the room shook. Dash was glad she was against a wall or she would have fallen over.
"Please, sister." Celestia said, rubbing her ears. "Not inside!"
"Apologies." Luna said sheepishly.
"Now, as I was saying," Celestia looked at Dash. "We enjoy pranks, but only when they don't get out of hoof. We will forget your pranks on us if you will return our crowns immediately."
That was when everypony realised both princesses were indeed crownless.
"You still have the crowns??!" Twilight shrieked in horror, eye twitching. She had already let Rarity go.....now her magic enveloped Dash and she shook her. "You took them out of the castle??! Out of Canterlot???! Are you CRAZY??!!"
Dash chuckled nervously. "Heh heh.....yeah.....guess I should have just hid them on the castle grounds......"
Twilight dropped her, glaring. "Return those crowns immediately!" She shouted.
Dash gulped and said hesitantly, "I, um....I hid them at my house....."
A burst of magic from Celestia and both crowns were once more on the princesses head. All eyes were on the sun princess. She chuckled.
"Its a spell that calls your lost items back to you. It only works if you know where they are."
"I'm sorry, Prinesses." Dash said. "I won't steal them again."
"Thank you." Celestia said. "And now...." She grinned at Pinkie, who still stood ready by her cannon. "You may proceed. Oh, wait...."
Dash yelped as a golden glow surrounded her, picked her up, and placed her gently but firmly back against the wall before dispersing.
"But I thought you were forgetting my pranks on you!" Dash cried, attempting to inch towards the door.....and freedom.
"And so we shall." Luna assured her. "After you have faced the consequences of your treacherous actions."
She chuckled as her own magic encircled Dash, putting her back and holding her in place. Dash struggled against it to no avail.
"But.....but this is so.....so.....its not fair to blast me with that thing!!" She wailed, indicating the cannon.
"Would you prefer a blast to the moon?" Luna enquired, trying to sound serious even as her eyes twinkled.
She had no intent of making good on that threat, but it had the desired effect. Dash instantly stilled and blinked at the Princess of the Night in shock.
"Now." Celestia said with a nod at Pinkie, smirking while Luna giggled. The others grinned.
Pinkie Pie stared at Dash, who had shaken herself out of her shocked stupor. "Prepare to be blasted!" She said.
"Pinkie Pie, no, wait!!" Dash cried.
But her "executioner" did not wait. There would be no mercy for the unfortunate perpetrator currently held firmly against the wall and awaiting her fate. As if realising this, Dash, though a little pale, lifted her head a little, took a deep breath........and promptly clamped her eyes tightly shut.
"For Ponyville, Equestria, and for baked goods everywhere!" Pinkie cried dramatically.
The cord was yanked and a blast of whipped cream and frosting covered Dash completely. Pinkie giggled, and Luna released the moaning Dash, who slumped to the floor in a mess of sticky sweet goo. Pinkie Pie rolled her cannon aside and stood over her friend.
"You faced your end with bravery." She said. "Have a purple heart!" A purple frosted heart cupcake appeared from nowhere and was put beside Dash. "Oh yeah....and don't mess with my timer again!" She giggled.
Dash groaned. "Alright, alright, I won't." She said. "And I'll make it up to all of you."
"Good." Twilight said. "Now that that's over with, I'll go get us some tea." She trotted towards the door.
"Twilight, wait!" Rainbow Dash cried. Too late.
Twilight tripped over a wire and an explosion rang out. Twilight found herself covered in glue and confetti. It took all of one second to register what had happened.
"RAINBOW DASH!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A certain blue pegasus set a new speed record for exiting the castle and getting home to hide.