It's hard watching your idol fall. Scootaloo just hopes it won't come to that.
It's been years since Scootaloo was a filly, searching for meaning with her friends while Twilight and her friends saved Equestria again and again. The Crusaders have grown up, and settled into adult life. The Mane Six have all found their own way to take a step back, pass on the torch, and relax doing what they love.
Except Rainbow Dash. She never stopped, never slowed down. Until recently, Scootaloo never gave it a moment's thought. But a long talk with the Wonderbolt's trainer forces her to admit what she's known for some time.
Rainbow Dash is slipping. Now to get her to admit it...
Credit for cover photo goes to Ponything and Crosspone
She saw the letter as soon as she opened the door.
Stepping into her small but comfortable home, Scootaloo closed the door behind herself before scooping up the pile of mail scattered across the entryway. She groaned as her sore muscles made their displeasure known. Why the new mail pony insisted on launching the mail through the mail slot like one of Pinkie’s confetti cannons, Scootaloo had no idea. Tucking the modest stack of envelopes under a wing, the orange mare crossed the living room to her favorite chair, grabbing a letter opener from the mantle as she passed. Settling into the worn navy cushions with a happy sigh, she perused the stack of mail. The obvious bills and junk she set aside, her attention on the expected cream envelope with the Wonderbolt seal embossed on the flap. She slit it open, letting the slim tickets flutter to the seat beside her.
Ms. Scootaloo,
You are hereby cordially invited to attend the Wonderbolts’ upcoming performance at Whittaker Stadium in Baltimare…
Scootaloo skimmed the text with an amused smile. No matter how many times she told Rainbow Dash that she didn’t really need an official invitation to every single show, they still showed up like clockwork a week before every event. Since she’d been going to every single one for years, wouldn’t it be easier to just leave the tickets in her name at the box office? Or she could just hoof them over any of the times they saw each other during a typical week. But Rainbow was stubborn in this, as with most things. Secretly, Scootaloo thought Rainbow just never got tired of being reminded she was a genuine Wonderbolt. So, the younger pegasus never pushed too hard.
Setting the letter aside, she fished the tickets out from under herself. Two, as always. She rolled her eyes. Usually Apple Bloom or Sweetie Belle would join her. But this time, they were both too busy. Her eyes wandered unwillingly to the massive stack of paperwork on her desk in the corner. Technically, she was also too busy. Running Camp Cutie Mark together was wonderful, truly, but filly Scootaloo could never have imagined how much work it would be when the friends finally made it an official, year-round camp all those years ago. And now, with the quarter almost over, there was more work than ever.
When she’d approached the other two to schedule the few days off she’d need, there had been more grumbling than usual. They knew how much supporting Rainbow meant to her, though, so they left it at grumbling. They were used to her frequent trips during Wonderbolt season, however inconvenient. This time, though they could spare one Leader, two was out of the question. The rest of her friends had excuses as well. Ah, well. She’d just have to endure Rainbow’s mild disappointment, and not-so-subtle suggestions that she “just bring her special somepony next time.” She meant well.
She briefly considered taking a look at the bills she’d set aside, but decided against it. Instead, she relaxed back to take in the view out the window, letting the day’s stress melt away. Looking out over the pink- and gold-stained clouds, she couldn’t help but smile. Her dream may not be as flashy as Rainbow’s, but she was living it nonetheless. In a few days she’d get to one of her favorite parts: cheering on the pony who’d done the same for her since she was a filly.
To Scootaloo’s eyes, the stadium almost glowed in the afternoon sunlight. The weather ponies had done a perfect job. Not a single cloud marred the blue dome of the sky, the only clouds present being specially prepared for the Wonderbolts and nestled strategically through the arena. Ponies crowded the stands, filling the air with excitement. It was such a familiar setting, Scootaloo felt as home in this crowd as she did in Ponyville.
The show itself was amazing as always. No matter how many times she saw them fly, the Wonderbolts never lost that, well, wonder. Even when Rainbow Dash let someone else fly the lead, like today, she stole the show. The pegasi pulled out their best tricks, the crowd egging on each feat of speed and precision. By the time they swooped to the ground, landing from the last, complicated maneuver, she was on her hooves, stomping with everypony else. Only slightly disappointed that it was over, she sighed and rose to her hooves, joining the crowd in the tedious shuffle back to the gate.
“Hey kid. Enjoy the show?”
Scootaloo spun around, already grinning, to see her friend, sweaty and still in uniform. Intent on navigating the crowd, she hadn’t even noticed Rainbow Dash landing behind her. “Of course I did! You were spectacular!” She wrapped her hooves around the older pegasus, who grunted in surprise before hugging her back.
“Wow, that good?” Rainbow Dash teased, ruffling Scootaloo’s long, choppy mane. The two separated, both grinning. A small bubble had formed around the two, everypony staring and daring each other to approach the famous mare.
“Of course! Adding that teardrop turn on the end of the formation split- that was your idea, wasn’t it?” Scootaloo gushed, “Genius! And after the third dive, I thought for sure the others weren’t gonna pull up in time. Not you, of course-”
Rainbow Dash let the orange mare go on for a bit, an indulgent and grateful smile across her muzzle. Eventually, she put a hoof on her friend’s shoulder, cutting her off.
“I get it, Scoots. I’m awesome. How about we discuss the show somewhere less crowded? The cafe, two blocks over?” Once Scootaloo nodded her acquiescence, Rainbow added, “Gotta get out of here before I get mobbed by the rest of my fans.”
With a glance at the surrounding ponies in Wonderbolt fan merchandise, the cyan mare took off with a few flaps of her wings, quickly disappearing as she swooped across the stadium. Scootaloo turned to resume her walk, only to nearly smack into a pale blue stallion.
“Oh, sorry-” she blinked, recognizing the Wonderbolt’s trainer. “Captain Storm Trail! I didn’t expect to see you out in the crowd right after a show.”
He gave a small smile, pushing his gray-blue forelock back from his eyes. “Don’t worry about it. I snuck up on you, after all. I was hoping to have a word with you, actually.”
“O- of course. What did you want to talk about?” Scootaloo smiled, despite her confusion. Sure, she’d seen the Captain around through the years, had a few brief conversations, but he’d never really sought her out. Now he turned and walked away, gesturing for her to follow.
“I can hardly hear myself think out here,” he explained lightly when she caught up, though his smile seemed a bit forced.
The pair slowly wove back through the crowd, Storm leading her towards the field.The more they walked, the more she began to worry. He wasn’t a terribly social fellow, keeping most things strictly business. By the time they reached the seats, they were nearly empty, everypony pushing for the exits. He led her right down to the edge of the low wall around the field itself, taking one of the frontmost seats and gesturing for her to do the same.
“What is this about, Captain Storm? Is it Rainbow Dash?” She blurted as soon as her flanks hit the seat. “I saw her just a minute ago. Nothing could have happened that fast.”
Storm winced, shaking his head firmly. “Nothing happened. That’s not-” he sighed, taking in the empty stadium around them as he gathered his thoughts. “I just wanted to talk to you about her. Rainbow Dash.”
Scootaloo visibly relaxed, leaning back in her seat. “Oh, that’s all? What about her?”
Storm smiled slightly, then sobered. “Scootaloo, I’ve never been good at dancing around the point, so I’m not going to try now.” He met her eyes before he spoke next. “I’m worried about Rainbow Dash.”
“Worried?” Scootaloo scoffed, “Why? Rainbow is the best.”
“Rainbow is a spectacular flier, for her age,” he conceded, only to be interrupted by a laugh.
“Ha! For her age? She’s a spectacular flier, period. No need to qualify it, Captain.” Scootaloo corrected, smug.
“I know you look up to her,” the stallion started with a tight smile, “But it’s okay to admit when something is wrong.”
“But nothing is wrong,” came the glib answer.
“Scootaloo! Listen to me,” he all but snapped, sighing as the smile faded from her face. “I am worried about Rainbow Dash.” he repeated, this time watching it actually sink in.
Scootaloo looked at her hooves, tried to recapture her earlier nonchalance, and failed.
“Why are you worried?” she asked softly.
Now it was Storm’s turn to look away. “She’s been slipping. It’s small things, but it only takes one small thing, the wrong small thing, at the wrong time, to end a flier’s career.” Looking over at Scootaloo, he cleared his throat, then asked, “Do you know how Wonderbolts leave the team?”
Startled, she looked up, then shook her head.
“There’s not really a hard rule in place,” he explained, “mostly because we haven’t needed one. Most pegasi know when their time with us is done, and they retire. If something serious happens, a Wonderbolt can be permanently kicked out, which is rare. The only other way they leave?” he sighed, looking up into the cloudless sky. “An accident. A trick gone wrong. Then, their flying days are over.”
The pause grew, Scootaloo trying not to think about what he was telling her. Or implying, at least. She shook her head, suddenly annoyed. “I saw her fly today! She was perfect. You’re trying to say she’s lost her edge? She’s as good a flier as she ever was!” She glared at the blue pegasus, daring him to disagree.
“She’s good,” he admitted, “But not as good as she was. That’s natural.” Before Scootaloo could object, he raised a hoof. “Did you know she’s the oldest Wonderbolt to ever perform in our ranks? That’s admirable. But… There’s a reason ponies retire long before her age. What the Wonderbolts do, it’s a young pony’s job. It’s hard on the body.”
“She’s not that old,” Scootaloo muttered.
“By general pony standards, no,” he said gently. “By Wonderbolt standards? Last year she broke the record for oldest performing Wonderbolt. The typical Wonderbolt retires long before hitting middle aged. But if it was just her age, I wouldn’t be here. An older mare in perfect physical and mental shape could still have a place on the team, just a less strenuous one.”
Scootaloo absorbed his words with a frown, then made the connection. “You said she’s slipping. What in Equestria does that mean?”
“Like I said, it’s been little things. A sloppy turn here, a slow takeoff there, forgetting part of a routine,” Storm sighed, shaking his head, “It’s not what I see that worries me, it’s what I don’t.” At the look of confusion, he continued, “You know how proud Rainbow Dash can be. She’d never admit something is wrong, so if I have noticed things, how much more aren’t I seeing? Hanging back at the track after practice, telling us she’ll meet us here or there, rather than going with us… Just a few weeks ago after practice, the team was going to the mess hall and she said she’d meet them there. When she didn’t show up right away, I went back to check on her.”
“I found her in the locker room, crouched on a bench, shaking.” he said softly.
“Was she hurt?” Scootaloo whispered, not wanting to hear the answer.
“No, that’s just it. She was trying to catch her breath. Practice had taken so much out of her that she needed that time, I think, just to be able to walk into the mess hall looking like it hadn’t taken all she had. Then she saw me, of course, and tried to play it off as stretching,” Storm grimaced at the memory.
“So, what, you didn’t talk to her?” the mare asked incredulously. “None of you have?”
“Of course I have. But anything from me, well, she won’t admit anything is wrong. She shuts down any inquiries I might make as a friend, which leaves me only the role of trainer. I’d have to ground her, Scootaloo, and we’re not at that point yet.” He tried to offer a smile, but Scootaloo scowled back.
“What about the rest of the team?” she snapped, pushing herself off the seat. She took a small step towards him, then turned and walked the few steps to the low wall around the field instead. “Have none of them even tried to find out what’s wrong?”
“Of course they have. Just last week, Skyflash and Grey Wing tried to ask her what was going on. They didn’t get far before Rainbow started getting defensive. In the end, your friend stormed off, and they considered it a failed attempt. The next day, Rainbow Dash tried to do a sonic rainboom.”
Several moments passed in silence, Scootaloo staring out over the field. A soft breeze ruffled her mane as a few pegasi passed overhead, making their way towards the clouds used in the show. Even when they started pushing them away, there was no sound from behind her. So she turned, and saw Storm Trail was watching her sadly.
“Tried?” she prodded.
“She almost crashed into the ground at full speed.”
The orange pegasus put a hoof to her mouth, horrified. Then she lowered it, turning back to look out over the wall. “What are you going to do?” Her voice came out small and helpless in the enormity of the abandoned arena.
“This is what I’m doing. She won’t listen to her teammates, and if I step in, it’s official.” She heard a soft grunt, then hoofsteps behind her. In her peripheral vision she saw him stop at her side, putting a hoof on her shoulder and waiting until she met his gaze. “You might be the only pony she’ll listen to. So please, talk to her.”
Scootaloo choked out a small laugh, “Oh, that’s it? Just talk to her. You want me to tell her she’s too old to be a Wonderbolt, tell her her dream is over?” She shook her head, blinking away the moisture gathering in her eyes.
“No, I don’t. That’s my job, if it comes to it,” he assured her, “I just want you to talk to her. Find out what’s going on. I can work with her, but only if I know what’s wrong.”
“What about the other Elements?” she asked finally, “Can’t they talk to her?” Or anypony but me, she added to herself.
“They could. But, seeing how she responded to two concerned teammates…” He gave a small shrug, “You can imagine how that would go. I don’t want to corner her like that. I want to give her the chance to be honest, admit what’s going on. I think the only way she will is if it’s one pony, alone, and only somepony she really, truly trusts.” The last he said with a pointed, but apologetic smile in her direction.
After a long moment, Scootaloo nodded.
“Thank you,” he said softly, “I want what’s best for Rainbow Dash, otherwise I wouldn’t even ask.”
Scootaloo turned to him, offering a hoof. He shook it once, firmly, with a sad smile.
“Thank you for telling me,” Scootaloo said, meaning it.
“I wish you the best,” was all he said back, turning to walk away along the edge of the field.
Scootaloo stood for a moment, alone, staring at her hooves. Then she took a deep breath, clenched her teeth, and turned away. As she did, she discovered that she was the only pony left.
A stadium just doesn’t feel right empty, she thought, gazing across the vacant stands as she made her way back up. She missed the crowds, the bustle and shove of it all.
What the Captain had told her… She didn’t want to think about that. So Rainbow Dash was getting older. It happens to everypony. It’s more than that and you know it. Scootaloo scowled, trying to shake away the doubt. But all those little things… She’d been noticing them too, hadn’t she?
Hadn’t Rainbow Dash once been eager to take on any chance to show off? When did that change? When did she start demuring because the weather was too rough, she needed to save her energy for the next show, she had something else to do?
A shadow fell across the pegasus and she glanced up, surprised to see that she’d already reached the archway leading out of the stadium. Outside, the city went about its business beneath a beautiful, sunny sky.
She was reading too much into it. Of course Rainbow was taking things slower. Horsefeathers, Scootaloo took things slower than when she was a filly! There was nothing wrong with that. Getting older means you tire out easier.
Glaring at the pavement, Scootaloo nearly ran into a group of young mares, who scattered at the last moment with indignant huffs. “Watch where you’re going!” the violet unicorn snapped as they regrouped, glaring over their shoulders.
“Sorry,” Scootaloo muttered, but she forced herself to focus back on her surroundings. There was the coffee shop, just past the next corner. The dark blue awning, the quaint white iron tables outside… Her hoofsteps slowed.
What was she going to say? She couldn’t just accuse Rainbow Dash outright. Was she accusing her? All she had was Storm Trail’s worries.
And mine, she admitted. If nothing is wrong, then nothing is wrong. And I can have a word with the Captain about worrying me for no reason. But if there really is more to this than just normal ageing… I’ll be here for her.
By the time she crossed the street, Scootaloo could already see the telltale rainbow mane of her friend through the glass. Rainbow was right at the window, facing towards her, but her focus was on the mug in her hooves. Her mane hung in front of her face, hiding her eyes.
Suddenly, Scootaloo was afraid. This was Rainbow Dash, her hero. There can’t be something wrong with her. There just can’t. She froze, wondering what kind of excuse she could give later if she just didn’t show up. Then the Wonderbolt raised her head, and her eyes lit up. She waved cheerily through the window, a wide grin on her face. Scootaloo raised a hoof in answer, her own grin shaky as she moved to the door.
The moment Scootaloo stepped inside, she was enveloped in the warm, earthy scent of roasting coffee beans and fresh-brewed drinks. The cafe was busy, the air filled with that comfortable coffeehouse murmur.
As she made her way to the counter, she took in the always changing decor, noting small changes here and there. The walls were covered in photos in old mismatched frames, showing cities and towns, exotic places, and beautiful scenery. Some were actually paintings or sketches from long before cameras existed, and none were more recent than a decade or two. The tables and chairs were the same- mismatched antiques of all shapes and sizes.
Scootaloo smiled, glad she’d convinced Rainbow Dash to give the place a try when she first found it a few years back. Despite its quirks, Bean There Done That was cozy, and made a great cup of coffee. As she reached the counter she turned, smiling at the green stallion on the other side.
“What can I get you?” he asked, smiling.
“Just a mocha, thanks,” she answered, passing a few bits over.
He nodded, and she stepped to the side to wait for her drink. Normally she’d head to the table and wait for her drink to be called. Today she’d take any excuse to dawdle. So Scootaloo turned to face the wall, trying her best to look engrossed in a painting of mountains.
“Hey you.”
“Ghack!!!” Scootaloo yelped, spinning around for the second time that day. She nearly tripped over her own hooves, instinctively flapping her diminutive wings to regain her balance. Well, that’s it for looking casual, she thought wryly.
“Rainbow! Hey. I was just waiting for my coffee,” she gestured helpfully to the counter behind her.
“Sorry to scare you. Again. When did you get so jumpy?” Rainbow gave her a friendly punch to the shoulder, her smile apologetic.
“My head’s been in the clouds all day I guess,” Scootaloo answered with a shrug. Rainbow’s gaze turned sympathetic.
“The camp is pretty busy right now, isn’t it?” The younger mare nodded, and Rainbow wrapped a wing around her shoulders in a quick hug. “It means the world to me, seeing you at my shows. But, you know, I’d understand if you needed to skip one now and then.”
Scootaloo laughed at that, shaking her head.”Don’t be silly. I can always make time for what’s important.” Out of the corner of her eye she saw the barista slide her drink onto the counter. She turned and took it with a smile, then gestured to Rainbow to go first as they wove through the tables.
As they navigated the small spaces, Scootaloo murmured a quiet “pardon us” as needed, though nopony looked at her much. Even out of uniform, Rainbow Dash got recognition anywhere she went. She was mostly known as a Wonderbolt, as only the older ponies probably remembered her role as one of the Elements of Harmony. They made their way back to the table with a minimum of hassle, Rainbow settling into the corner as Scootaloo got comfortable in her seat.
“So, the second ticket got lost in the post? I really should talk to those mail ponies…” Rainbow started, smirking. When she received only an unamused eye roll, she laughed. “I know, I know. Everypony is so busy. Even your special somepony?”
Scootaloo sighed, and forced a small smile. “As busy as any nonexistent pony can be.” She took a small sip of her mocha, saw Rainbow opening her mouth, and quickly added, “Enough about me. We’re here to talk about you! How was the show? I know you were worried about the new girl.”
“Oh, Mistwing? Yeah, she was really slow learning the routines at first. Once the Captain had a talk with her, she shaped up pretty quick.” Rainbow snorted, “he’s good at scaring the pinfeathers off the newbies.” She paused to take a drink, then turned her gaze to the window, sighing.
“I remember when he first started, we all thought he was such a pain in the rear,” she laughed, “He’s still a pain in the rear, honestly. But he knows what he’s talking about, most of the time. He’s no Spitfire, but he’s a good coach.” Her gaze turned wistful, then she shook her head, glancing across the table at Scootaloo. “Did you know she asked me to stop by the Wonderbolt Academy training camp this summer?”
“Really? That’s awesome! Is she having you help out with the trainees?”
“Nah, mostly she just wants me to stop by and make an appearance. She likes to have a Wonderbolt show up, give a quick pep talk. Boost morale and all that.” Rainbow said lightly. “Honestly I think she mostly just wants the company. Every time I visit I end up staying late, just talking.”
Scootaloo frowned. “Is she okay? Last time I saw her she seemed thrilled with her new teaching position at the Academy.”
“Oh, she’s fine,” Rainbow assured her, “Just a little lonely sometimes, I think. After years being an active Bolt, Team Captain, and handling most of the training, just teaching has to feel a bit underwhelming.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Scootaloo nodded, taking a deep drink of her coffee. Talking about Spitfire’s retirement… What better lead-in am I going to get? “But it was the best thing for her, don’t you think? Nopony can be a Wonderbolt forever. So she found a way she could still be a part of things. She was thinking ahead.”
“I guess.” The cyan mare glanced down at her cup, then cleared her throat. “I’m gonna go get another coffee. You want anything?” She stood, and when Scootaloo shook her head, walked away with her cup.
Scootaloo watched her go. Did I hit a nerve? Already? She looked into her mocha, frustrated. I don’t know how to approach the topic gently. I’m not even sure what exactly the topic is! Huffing, she looked out the window. Outside, the day was still insultingly sunny. The sidewalks were full of ponies bustling about, laughing and generally enjoying themselves.
“Ugh.” She let out an involuntary sigh of irritation, shifting to face away from the window. At least that view wasn’t so glaringly cheerful. The sun came in at an angle thanks to the awning, leaving the room softly lit. The conversations around her were happy, but politely subdued. Her eyes found their way unerringly to her friend, already placing her order. She leaned comfortably on the edge of the counter, smiling easily. Scootaloo envied that confidence. She walked into every room like she owned it already, always acting calm and in charge. Even when she isn’t, her mind supplied helpfully. It was true, though. That much confidence came with the tendency to put up a front. But how do I get past that? Usually that wall only comes down when she chooses. I don’t think I’ve ever tried to push past it.
She snapped back into the moment as Rainbow turned, cup in hoof, and started walking back towards her. She took a slow breath. First thing, stay in control of the topic. Don’t let her sidetrack, or duck out again. She waited for the other pegasus, trying to look at ease as she steeled herself.
“Hey, sorry about that. But I’ve got a full cup now, so no more interruptions.” Rainbow took a moment to sit back down, taking a sip of her coffee. “So, did I tell you about who’s gonna be at the boot camp when I stop by?”
“No, but I was just about to ask you something before you went to get a refill,” Scootaloo tried not to sound accusatory, but from the look on Rainbow’s face, she only partially succeeded.
“Oh. Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Rainbow said with a sheepish smile, waving a hoof. “Go ahead. What did you wanna ask?”
“Nothing major, just. How are you?” She held up a hoof to stall any immediate answer. “I don’t mean that in the casual, ‘how are you? I’m fine.’, way. I want a proper answer. How have you been lately?”
Rainbow blinked. “I’m doing pretty good, Scoots. No complaints here. How are you?”
“I’m alright, just a bit worried at the moment.”
“Worried about what?” Rainbow tilted her head, her expression open and concerned.
Scootaloo stared at her hooves, wrapped around her mug. She struggled for the right words for a moment, then said, “You probably noticed I took a long time to get here. That’s because Storm Trail pulled me aside after the show. He wanted to have a talk, share some concerns.” As she spoke she kept her gaze down, slowly turning the mug between her hooves, so she didn’t see the moment Rainbow’s gaze hardened. She did hear the soft creak of chair legs as the other mare sat up. She raised her gaze, finding Rainbow leaned against the chair back, drinking deep from her mug.
“Oh, the Captain? Let me guess, he told you he’s worried about having such an old pegasus still flying.” Her mug hit the table with a loud clack, and she smirked at her friend. “I hope you didn’t let him get to you. He’s been pushing me to retire for months now, hoping to get a spot opened up. He’s probably got some overeager foal already picked out of the Reserves to replace me. He’s an impatient old goat, that’s all there is to it.”
Scootaloo stared, trying to resolve the quiet, worried stallion from the stadium with the impatient, selfish one Rainbow was describing. Finally she shook her head. “That’s not what it looked like to me, Rainbow. He seemed genuinely worried about you.”
“Worried about himself, you mean,” Rainbow snapped back. “He wants a young, new crew to show off to his superiors. He doesn’t think I look good.” She snorted at that, lifting her mug for a drink.
“Dash....” Scootaloo started, then found she had no more words to follow it. Could it really be that simple, and that unfair?
“What, Scootaloo? He sent you here to try to convince me to quit. I just can’t believe you actually listened to him.”
“He’s not…” Scootaloo bit her lip, then tried again, softly. “He… didn’t send me here to convince you of anything. He wanted to talk to me because he’s worried. And I listened because... I am too!” Slowly, without noticing, her voice grew firmer, louder. “He thinks there’s something wrong, that you’re not telling anypony. I’m worried that he could be right, that you’re hiding something. And you know why that’s so damn easy to believe? Because you do this!” With the last words she stood abruptly, slamming her hooves on the table. The cafe went silent.
Breathing hard, she watched the shock on her friends face melt into a jumble of emotions. Fear, shame, sadness, frustration, pride… Before the pride could win out, Scootaloo forced herself to sit back down, and continue more quietly, “I’m here because I’m worried, not because he told me to be. I know I can’t make you open up if you don’t want to. But I had to at least try. So, if nothing’s wrong, great. If something is wrong and you just don’t want to tell me, fine. I just… wanted you to know that I’m here. I always have been, haven’t I? I will always support you, always cheer you on… nothing can change that.”
The silence stretched, Scootaloo taking slow, deep breaths as she wrestled her emotions into control. Conversations had slowly picked back up as she spoke, though a few ponies still watched the pair out of the corners of their eyes.
“I… I’ve never been good at admitting weakness.” Rainbow spoke to the table, her voice so soft Scootaloo could barely hear her. “I have to be strong. For you. For… everyone. I always have been.”
“And that’s one of the things I admire most about you,” Scootaloo said gently. The cyan mare raised her head, meeting the gaze of her friend and finding only warmth there. “But nopony is perfect, not even you,” Scootaloo managed a small smile.
“Like I said, I can’t force you. If you want to say everything is fine, we’ll leave it at that. I will respect that. But I have to give you that choice. So. Rainbow. How are you?”
Rainbow Dash searched the soft purple eyes across from her, emotions warring on her face. When the silence stretched too long she turned, looking out at the sky.
“I’m….” Suddenly she shoved away from the table, standing. “Let’s go for a walk.”
“Rainbow.”
“I need some air, I just… I don’t want to have this conversation here, okay?”
Seeing the pleading look in her magenta eyes, Scootaloo nodded and stood. Downing the last of her cold coffee, she gestured onward. “Lead the way.”
Outside the coffeeshop, two pegasi mares walked in silence. One looked around, taking in everything except the multihued mare beside her. The other stared at the sky.
By the fourth block, Scootaloo wanted to scream. But she held her tongue, trying not to stare, trying not to worry. If Rainbow was going to say anything, it would be on her terms. So she kept her focus on their surroundings, letting Rainbow guide them across this street, around a corner, back down an alley. Occasionally she had to give a gentle nudge to keep them from running into other ponies, the older mare was so lost in her thoughts. When they entered a park, the trees finally blocked out the sky, and Rainbow’s gaze dropped.
“I was diagnosed almost a year ago. She said we’re lucky to have noticed it so early.”
For a moment Scootaloo was quiet, processing the information as they walked along the pale cobblestone path. Then she picked the least dangerous question she had. “She? You mean the Wonderbolt’s doctor, Gentle Breeze?”
Rainbow shook her head. “No, my personal doctor, Sunny Glen.” At Scootaloo’s confused look, she explained, “Sunny has been my doc since I was a filly. Once I joined the Bolts, Gentle Breeze had to take over my annual physical, and any injury related care. But Sunny’s been with me so long, I didn’t wanna just ditch her. So I stop by for check ups between my physicals, any time I get sick, that sort of thing.” She looked away, sighing. “I’m damned lucky she caught it first.”
“Gentle didn’t notice anything?”
“No. Sunny only noticed because she’s known me for so long. I was still in the really early stages, barely any symptoms. I still am.” She turned abruptly, making for a bench. Scootaloo had to trot to catch up, her mind spinning.
By the time she reached the bench Rainbow was already sitting, staring at her hooves. She eased herself gently onto the seat beside her, reaching a hoof towards her shoulder. As soon as she made contact, Rainbow jumped, sitting up straighter.
“You have questions,” Rainbow said simply. “Go ahead.”
“Well, yeah…” Scootaloo stared up through the shifting foliage. “What… What exactly are we talking about?”
At that, Rainbow held out a hoof. Scootaloo stared at it, unsure, then she saw it. It was faint, but Rainbow’s hoof was shaking. She opened her mouth, then closed it again. Beside her, Rainbow lowered her hoof to the bench. Scootaloo forced herself to look around, trying to bite back a million questions. ‘Is that all?’ would be insulting. But all I see is a little tremor. I don’t know what that means! She struggled with wording her question for a few more moments, then slowly asked, “Is there a name for... what’s going on?”
“She gave me a name, yeah, not that I remember it,” Rainbow muttered, holding her right hoof down with her left. “There’s like half a dozen it could be, technically, but they all mean the same thing for me.” The entire time she was speaking she’d been staring down, brow furrowed. She glanced up, saw the confusion and frustration in Scootaloo’s eyes, and sighed.
“It’s a movement condition… disorder… thing,” she said slowly, falling silent as a young couple trotted past. Scootaloo kept quiet, letting her find the words at her own pace. Once the couple were around a bend in the path, she continued, “It gets worse over time. Progressive, that’s the word. So, right now, my hoof shakes. Sometimes my wing. I don’t sleep well. I get tired quickly. Sometimes I have trouble with my balance.” she rattled off her symptoms, then scowled, “But it’s just going to get worse.”
Scootaloo took it all in with wide eyes, then softly asked, “Isn’t there anything to help?”
“Yeah. There are medications. Exercise helps. She says I should be able to live a ‘relatively normal life’ for quite a while.”
Scootaloo looked over, surprised at the bitterness in her voice. Then her gaze softened, and she reached over to touch Rainbow’s hoof. “You’ve never wanted anything ‘relatively normal’ in your life.” Rainbow gave her a small, grateful smile. “But, you said there are medications? Are they helping?” Rainbow pulled her hoof away, color rising in her cheeks. “Rainbow?”
“I’m not taking any,” Rainbow muttered.
“Why in Celestia’s name not?!” Scootaloo exclaimed, standing. When her friend continued to look away, she marched over to stand right in front of her. “If there’s something that can help, why in Equestria wouldn’t you give it a try?”
“Because I’m not ready to be a sick old mare,” Rainbow whispered, her eyes brimming. She wiped a hoof roughly across her eyes, then glared up at the orange mare. “If I start taking pills, go on some treatment plan or whatever, you don’t think I’d have to tell the freaking team doctor? Or the Team Captain? They’d kick me off the team. I’m not ready for that.” With that she slumped, letting her mane fall in front of her face.
“You don’t know that they would! If you were open about things, maybe they’d work with you.” Scootaloo took a few steps away, then back. “You’ve been hiding this for a year?”
“Almost, yeah.” Rainbow replied softly, hunched over her hooves.
Suddenly aware of how harsh she must have sounded, Scootaloo took a step forward, putting a hoof on Rainbow’s shoulder. “I can’t imagine how hard that must have been. You never told anyone? Not even Applejack? Fluttershy?”
“No,” came the whispered response. “Sp-spitfire knows something is wrong. I told her I’ve been… struggling. But I couldn’t… That’s all I could…” she trailed off, hunching even lower.
Slowly Scootaloo sat back onto the bench, scooting close enough their shoulders brushed. As soon as she did, the rainbow-haired pegasus shifted, leaning against her. “Thank you… For telling me.”
Rainbow nodded, a soft sniffle escaping.
Scootaloo put a hoof around her shoulders, giving her a small squeeze. “You’re not alone anymore, Rainbow. I’m here.”
With no more words left in either of them, the pair sat like that in the dappled sunlight, watching the day pass.
Rainbow nodded, pulling herself to her hooves. As she stretched, the sunlight caught on the dried tear tracks down her cheeks. She turned, offering a small smile. “I’ll walk you to the train station.”
The day had passed as the pair sat, the sun now coming in at a sharp angle. Shadows cast by the trees divided their path into harsh stripes of light and dark. They walked together in silence, Rainbow keeping her gaze forward, Scootaloo watching the path. Finally she cleared her throat, and spoke.
“So, what are you going to do now?”
“Do?” Rainbow turned, startled, her hoofsteps slowing slightly.
“Well, yes,” Scootaloo said slowly, “I mean, you must have a plan.”
“My plan is to live my life.” Rainbow’s words were flat, final. She turned her face back to the front, picking the pace back up as she entered a patch of shadow.
Scootaloo fell a few steps behind at first, then hurried back to her side. Her mind spun in circles, trying to find a way back around the door that just slammed in her face.
“Teacher?” Dimly Scootaloo was aware that the sounds of wheels rattling across concrete had come to a halt.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push,” she said softly. “I’m just worried. I don’t know much about what you’re dealing with, and I want to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.”
“I am. The doc said being active helps,” Rainbow said with a chuckle, “and I’m as active as I can get!”
Scootaloo nodded slowly. “That’s good. So, she’s working with you to find a plan?”
Rainbow’s smirk disappeared as she fixed her friend with a glare. “I said I’m not interested in taking pills or whatever. I’m fine.”
“For how long?” Scootaloo struggled to keep her voice gentle. “Shouldn’t you think about-”
“I don’t want to think about it!” Rainbow rounded on Scootaloo, ears laid back. Taking a breath, she straightened and continued through clenched teeth, “Look, I get you want to help. But it’s nothing. Nothing has changed, and nothing has to change yet. I told you because, I don’t know, I guess I wanted someone to talk to! Or something. Not because I wanted someone to tell me what to do!”
Speechless, Scootaloo stared. Rainbow’s wings were flared to their full length, framing her pinched, angry face, her eyes shining. Hesitantly, she swallowed, then faintly managed to whisper, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”
“No. It’s fine.” Rainbow pulled herself back, pushing her mane out of her eyes. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I- I think you can find the train on your own. I really should be getting back to the team.”
“Rainbow…”
“Bye, Scootaloo.”
“Teacher!” The high-pitched voice finally pierced Scootaloo’s thoughts.
“Hmm? What?” She snapped back to the present, shaking her head. In front of her stood a group of ten foals in helmets, all staring at her with wide eyes. Each held a skateboard, including the young pegasus at the front of the group.
“Um, Teacher? Doesn’t the bell mean we switch to the next thing?” A lavender colt in the front was the one who spoke up, shifting on his hooves and glancing nervously at her.
“Oh, uh, right! Of course!” She forced a smile, scrambling briefly to remember the day’s schedule. Behind the group, the ground dipped away into one of the smallest skate bowls. Right, Monday. After the skate park… the lake. Bringing her attention back to the foal who got her attention, she cheerfully added, “Good job staying on top of things, Shimmer!” Scanning the group, she did a quick count, then nodded. “All right, campers! Grab your skateboards and head back to the equipment shed. We’re heading over to the lake to start learning kayaking, so keep your helmet but not your board! Let’s go!”
With that she turned, listening as they all hurried into place behind her. She glanced over her shoulder, smiled, then started off towards the shed. On the short walk across the grounds of Camp Cutie Mark, she didn’t see the other groups anywhere, though she could hear squeals of laughter from the Art and Music Hut. Sounds like Sweetie already has things in full swing. How long was I spaced out? Pinfeathers. She squashed the temptation to ask her campers how long ago the bell rang. They reached the shed in short order, and she herded them in quickly, standing in the doorway to make sure everypony racked their skateboards properly.
Once they were all gathered back at the door, she called out, “To the lake! Everyone gather at the kayaks for instructions. Let’s go!”
I can’t get my mind off of yesterday… she thought as they walked towards the lake, her hooves finding the path by habit. I shouldn’t have tried to push. She trusted me enough to open up, probably hoping for some sympathy and support, and I jumped on her with all the questions she’s probably been avoiding. Good going, Scoot. And yet… She has to deal with them eventually. She said it’s going to get worse, so shouldn’t she be focused on keeping that from happening as long as possible? Is there any way to delay things? Ugh, I wish I knew more! I don’t have a clue about any of this stuff!
She came to a stop before the kayak rack and turned to her campers. She rattled off the instructions with as much enthusiasm as she could manage, then supervised as they all equipped themselves with life vests, oars, and a kayak each. Grabbing her own adult-sized gear, she led them to the shore where they would all sit in their kayaks and practice paddling on land before trying it out on the water.
I should reach out to her. Apologize. She demonstrated the proper paddling motions, then let her eyes skim across the foals as they copied her. But if I apologize, it will seem like I’m agreeing not to bring it up again. Which I have to, eventually. I just need to give her time. But if I wait too long, she’ll find a way to blow it off. No, I have to reach out first. But, I should give her a day or two to cool down.
Standing and stepping out of her kayak, she carefully walked around the group, watching their attempts at a proper forward stroke. Mentally, she tried to recall her calendar. The next time the Bolts perform is in a week and a half, I think. I should ask her to go get lunch before then. The sound of giggling reached her ears and she turned to see Autumn Berry and Lily Breeze flailing with their paddles as they attempted to smack the blades together. Focus, Scootaloo.
“Girls!” The pair froze, looking at her guiltily. “What are we practicing?”
“The… um. Paddling?” Lily said softly, glancing at her friend for help.
“Paddling the forward… paddle?” Autumn supplied, teal hooves clutching her oar with a death grip.
She stopped in front of the pair, fixing them with a surprised look. “Really? Looked more like fencing to me. Or were you trying to get your cutie marks in smacking ponies with oars?” The rest of the group erupted in giggles. She shushed them with a raised wing, then gave the troublemakers a gentle smile. “What you meant to be practicing was the forward stroke. You wanna get out on the water today?” They nodded eagerly, sitting up. “Then let’s see it!”
She watched as they both tried their best, nodding with approval at Autumn’s more relaxed grip. After correcting Lily’s posture, she nodded at the young earth pony, then turned back to the rest of the group. “Remember, it’s not so funny if you end up rolling your kayak out on the water, so no goofing around. Save that for free time. Now let’s see some paddling!”
The rest of the session went smoothly, though they only got a few minutes on the lake itself, floating around in the shallows, before the clanging of the bell signalled the switch to lunch. A chorus of groans answered the bell, though they quieted at the promise of more lake time tomorrow. They made it back to the equipment shed in an orderly fashion, then stampeded to the mess hall as soon as she released them.
Scootaloo herself took a much more leisurely pace, her mind chasing itself in circles. She found the long tables already packed by the time she walked through the door. She went through the line with the last few campers, nodding distractedly to the pony behind the counter.
She wants things to stay normal. She got upset because I tried to force her to think about how things will have to change eventually. So... If I want her to feel comfortable talking about it, everything else needs to stay as normal as possible. She took her usual seat at the round table in the corner, smiling briefly at the other adults before digging into her food. She needs patience and understanding, and I have to take it slow if I want to help.
“Um, Scootaloo? Hello?”
“Yes? Hi.” She blinked her train of thought away, focusing on Apple Bloom across from her. The earth pony just stared at her, a bemused look on her face. In fact, Sweetie Belle, Nurse Pine Brook, and the two volunteer Helpers were watching her as well. “What?”
“I asked how kayakin’ went,” Apple Bloom prompted.
“Oh, it went pretty good. The Distracted Duo were at it again, but they only needed to be told once. Everypony seemed to really enjoy it,” she said with a shrug, taking another bite of her sandwich. She swallowed, then added sheepishly, “We switched late, actually. I didn’t hear the bell, so they barely even got onto the water before time was up.”
“Didn’t hear the bell?” Sweetie exclaimed. “The really big, really loud bell that can be heard from all corners of Camp?”
“We noticed.” Apple Bloom said dryly, then a look of concern creased her muzzle. “You okay, Scootaloo? Somethin’s on your mind.”
“I’ve got a lot on my mind, actually,” she said with a weak laugh. I… I don’t think I can actually tell them, she realized with a start. She glanced around the table, noting not only her best friends but the Nurse and two volunteers as well, all politely listening. Even if Rainbow would be okay with me telling Apple and Sweetie, which she probably wouldn’t be, she definitely wouldn’t want three ponies she doesn’t know to hear about it.
Apple Bloom must have seen the struggle on her face, because she spoke up, “You don’t have to talk about it now,” Suddenly her face brightened, and she turned to the volunteers, an earth pony and a unicorn. “Hey Amber Field, Dancer! You two feel up to handling a group for the afternoon activities together?” The pair nodded eagerly, and once she got a nod from Sweetie Belle as well, she turned back to Scootaloo. “Why don’t ya take the afternoon off? Go home, rest a bit.”
“But I just got back!” Scootaloo protested, though the idea of an afternoon at home sounded incredibly appealing. “And Amber and Dancer have never handled a group on their own before. Not,” she added quickly, with a smile at the teenagers, “that I don’t think they’re fully capable.”
“The afternoon schedule is easy,” Sweetie pointed out. “Besides, you said yourself that you’re really distracted. I’m with Apple Bloom. Go take some time for yourself. Figure out whatever is on your mind. We can talk tomorrow, okay?”
“If you’re sure?” Even Nurse Pine nodded, so Scootaloo sighed. “Thanks, girls. I promise I’ll be on top of things tomorrow.” Grabbing her tray, she turned to Amber and Dancer. “Good luck, you two. And keep a close eye on Lily Breeze and Autumn Berry. You really have to keep them on task or they’ll just goof off.” She hesitated, trying to think of anything else they’d need to know, but Sweetie started making shoo-ing motions at her so she shook her head and turned away. “Alright, alright. See you guys tomorrow.”
She only made it halfway home before the idea of staying cooped up in her house with nothing but her thoughts lost all of its appeal. She slowed, not sure where else to go, until she found her hooves leading her towards the edge of Ponyville. If I want to know more about what’s going on, there’s only one place to go. Maybe I can get some answers. Her mind made up, she picked up her pace, making towards the School of Friendship.
After the destruction of the Golden Oak Library, Ponyville had been without a library until Twilight’s castle emerged and she made her own book collection the start of a public library. Then, when she founded the School of Friendship, it had needed a library for the students. So, to keep things efficient, she moved the vast majority of her books to the school and made that library open to the public, keeping only her private collection in the castle. Scootaloo had only made a few visits herself over the years, but those few glimpses were enough to convince her just about anything a pony could want to learn could be found there.
When she made it to the school, class was in session still, the halls empty. Thanks to the thorough system of signs and arrows, she was able to find the library without too much trouble. She gently closed the door behind her with a sigh of relief, then turned to face the sea of books.
To the left was the library counter, a dark green stallion sitting behind it reading a book. To her right, the card catalog wall. That would be her first stop.
She said it was a… movement disorder… Should I start with health? If I find something medical that will be a start… Right before the drawers of the card catalog was a small desk with quills in a jar and a stack of parchment scraps. She took one of each. Slowly she made her way from one drawer to the next, struggling to remember how to navigate the system. Eventually she was able find a few titles that looked promising. She scrawled their call numbers on her parchment and returned the quill to the jar. Then she grabbed one of the large book bags from the hook on the side of the desk, and turned to the stacks.
About half an hour later, she made her way towards the check out desk, bag bulging. Honestly, I’m not sure what half of their titles even mean, she admitted, eyeing her haul. I just grabbed anything that looked relevant. I’ve got books on a few movement disorders, other illnesses that involve shaking and muscle stuff, general ‘as ponies get older’ books, one on ‘degenerative’ diseases, a couple self help books, some basic health stuff… Something in there has to be helpful.
The pony behind the counter stood and set his book aside as she approached, yawning softly. “Did you find everything you needed?” He asked politely as she heaved her bag onto the counter.
“I think so,” Scootaloo replied, pulling the books out one at a time and stacking them in front of him.
He nodded, holding his hoof out. “Library card?”
“Oh. Uh…” Scootaloo’s face reddened as she tried to remember if she still had a library card. Do library cards expire? “I… think I left it at home, sorry.”
“She has a card, you can just put it under her name. Or you can just use my card,” a voice said from behind her. Even if she didn’t know the voice, the look of pleased surprise on the librarian’s face would have tipped her off.
“Twilight! Um, Princess, I mean…” Scootaloo turned, smiling at the alicorn.
“You know better than that, Scootaloo,” Twilight Sparkle said with a chuckle, her purple eyes warm.
“Sorry. I haven’t seen you in a long time! How have you been?”
“Busy!” Twilight chirped, seeming a little too proud of the fact. “The school gets bigger every year, and being the Principal takes up most of my time. Still, everything has been going smoothly, thanks to my amazing faculty.” The last was directed over Scootaloo’s shoulder at the librarian, who chuckled. As Scootaloo turned so she could see both of them, the purple mare continued, “How’s the library been today, Quill?”
“Fairly quiet today, Boss,” he answered, then saw the Princess’ disappointed look and added, “but I’m sure it will pick up next week as midterms approach.”
“Good.” She nodded, then looked at Scootaloo. “It’s certainly good to see you in here! Finally found some time for reading?”
As she spoke, Twilight took a step forward, looking at the books stacked on the counter. “Oh wow, looks like some heavy reading!” Suddenly remembering the subject of the books, Scootaloo took a half step forward, but already Twilight had tilted her head, scanning the titles. “Neurodegenerative Diseases: Neurobiology, Pathogenesis, and Therapeutics… Mareden’s Book of Movement Disorders… Is this for your camp? Or a research project? Or-” Her voice faltered, first confusion, then concern flitting across her face.
“Yeah, kinda research,” Scootaloo said quickly. “Just, trying to educate myself.” She shrugged, smiling. Technically that’s the truth. Still, she felt more than a little uncomfortable as Twilight’s eyes searched hers, still looking concerned.
“It looks like you’ve chosen an interesting topic to study,” Twilight said slowly. Turning, she produced a library card and passed it to Quill. “Just check these out under my name. I’m sure Scootaloo will return them all on time.” As soon as Quill took her card and started writing the information on the check out sheet, Twilight took a step to the side, motioning with a wing for Scootaloo to follow. “That’s going to take him some time,” she said as explanation.
They stopped just past the desk, near one of the book-covered walls. “Thanks for lending your card. I didn’t bring my card, because I wasn’t really planning on coming to the library today,” Scootaloo started, a sheepish half smile across her muzzle. “I just ended up here.”
“You had something on your mind, and decided some research might make it easier to handle?” Twilight suggested with an understanding smile.
“Exactly that, actually,” Scootaloo answered, startled. Well, I guess being good at understanding ponies comes with the friendship stuff. “I guess, sometimes it’s easier to think about something once you understand it better.”
The princess nodded. “Trying to handle something you don’t understand can be overwhelming. I find research is a good place to start with something unfamiliar. Once you know your enemy, so to speak, it’s usually not so scary.” She paused, glancing at the nearest shelf. “I’m pretty good at research, if I do say so myself. Plus, I know this library like my own hooves,” she said lightly, glancing at the pegasus. “If you need help finding anything, I’d be happy to help. No questions asked.”
Suddenly the alicorn’s edges went fuzzy, and Scootaloo was embarrassed to discover her eyes filling with tears. She blinked rapidly, looking down. “That’s really nice of you. I… I might take you up on that,” she said, only looking up when she felt confident the moment had passed and her eyes would stay dry. When she did, she found Twilight reading the nearest spines, clearly giving Scootaloo a moment.
“Twilight… thank you.”
“Of course,” Twilight answered easily, turning to face her fully. “I mean it about helping you find books. And I will respect your privacy. But… I’m also here if you want to talk.” She reached out a wing, giving her a small hug. Taking a breath, she added gently, “I’ve known you since you were a filly. If something is wrong, I would love to be able to support you and be there for you.”
“It’s not m-” Scootaloo bit off the rest of that sentence, and the desire to correct Twilight’s assumption. Instead she settled for, “I appreciate that. If I need to talk, I’ll know where to find you. For now, though, I have a lot of reading to do…”
“That you do! And it looks like Quill has them all ready for you.” They walked back to the counter where the librarian was, indeed, done. When Scootaloo started to balance a book on her back, Twilight snatched it from her, shaking her head and placing it in the book bag instead. “Take this one with you. You need it.”
“Thanks. I’ll bring it back when I return these,” Scootaloo promised, loading the bag up. “Thanks, Quill, and Twilight,” she said, the words suddenly seeming inadequate.
“Any time, Scootaloo,” Twilight replied, hugging her. Quill just nodded.
Grabbing the bag in her teeth, she gave the best smile she could manage, then turned towards the exit. She had a feeling she wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight. But maybe she would get some answers.
