Joint at the Hip

by TheWraithWriter

First published

Spike and Treehugger spend some quality time together.

Spike wants the world to be a better place. So does Treehugger. They meet together to discuss how beautiful the world could be.

A collab with FamousLastWords

Why Drugs ARE the Answer

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“I just wish I could do more,” Spike said as he carefully laid a line of the finest coke on Treehuggers asscheeks.

“I hear you, man,” Treehugger replied, shifting around.

“Hey, watch it!” Spike growled. “You’re gonna spill the goodies.”

The mare lazily smiled back at him. “I’m sorry, Spike. I’m just so lost in this atmosphere and surroundings. Beauty is everywhere.”

Spike took a moment to gaze upon her sweet, sweet ass and her lovely vagina. “I hear you there, sister, I hear you there. By the way, how’s that weed treating you?”

Treehugger took a long drag from her joint. “It’s is simply fantastic.”

Spike winked at her. “Of course. Only the most dank nugs were appropriate for our little soiree tonight.”

“You’re such a good creature, Spike,” Treehugger responded, blowing a fresh cloud of smoke in his direction. “I love our weekly dates. So relaxing, so refreshing… It’s like Ponystock all over again.”

“Yeah, relaxing,” Spike replied, lining a straw up with Treehugger’s stench trench. And in a single snort, he had a whole three month’s salary up his nose.

“Fuck, yeah,” Spike cheered, wiping his nose. “Best fourty bits I've ever spent.”

After hitting another drag of her joint, Treehugger looked back at the dragon who was now resting his head on her crack of heaven. “So, what were you saying about Derpy and Dinky again?”

The dragon spasmed a few times, the full onslaught of his crack snorting beginning to take effect. “Oh, oh! Yeah! Those two have it rough. If only… If only they could join us here sometime. They could use it.”

Treehugger slowly raised an eyebrow. “Hey man, isn’t Dinky, like, eight?”

Spike shrugged. “She’s six, that’s old enough.”

The tip of Treehugger’s joint flared up as she sucked in more smoke. “Yeah, I guess so-” she went into a brief coughing fit “-’s when I started.”

“It’s how you build up a tolerance,” Spike said, reaching for more of his joy powder. “Like snake venom. Or Twilight.”

“Yeah,” Treehugger blew a smoke ring above her head. “...What were we talking about?”

“Dinky and Derpy,” Spike shook his head, grabbing two clawfuls of Treehugger’s ass to hold her steady. “They really need a pick me up or something.”

“Yeah, they need to, like, chill or something,” Treehugger took a moment to think. She came out of it about twenty minutes later, just as Spike was breaking open his second brick of the day. “Hey, Spike, man…”

Spike wiped some blood from his nose and looked up. “Yes?”

“I should, like, come with you the next time you go to the hospital,” a lopsided smile found its way onto her face. “I can play my ukulele. Or we could give them their own marijuana gift baskets! The kids would have so much fun and finally be able to get the peaceful vibes they deserve!”

Spike patted her left cheek. “Yes, yes. We are like, such good people.”

“Ponies,” Treehugger interjected.

“Yeah, whatever. But, you see… this is why I love hanging with you, Treehugger. All we do is good stuff for the world.” Spike said as he enabled the Marexican drug trade. “Like… It’s awesome!”

“Totally,” Treehugger breathed, a cloud of smoke wafting from her lips. ”Sometimes, you just have to take a step back and see just how much beauty is in the world. And it’s such a blessing to be the progenitors of such beauty.”

“Agreed. If only there were more ponies and dragons like us.” Another three months salary found its way up Spike’s nose. “If only.”

“If only.”

Treehugger went to take another drag of her joint, but to her dismay, it had run out with great prejudice.

“Spike!” She cried out. “It’s gone! I’m…” tears filled her eyes. “I’m gonna sober up!”

He waved a claw. “Have no fear my dank nug. There’s plenty more where that came from.”

The dragon wandered over to their stash of all natural mood enhancers and rummaged around for the next bag of weed and rolling paper for his lovely date. In the process he stumbled across a few other things as well.

“Bong replacement parts? No. Crystal meth? Nah. Griffonian Heroine? Maybe later. There it is!”

The dragon produced a large baggie full of weed so green it was practically fluorescent. And right beside it there was a large brick of cocaine. It was still ten o’clock in the AM, so there was no need to stop now.

He grabbed both items and brought them back over to Treehugger. “Here you are, sweet cheeks. Let’s have some more fun.”

She smiled sweetly at him. “Thanks, Spike! But, isn’t that a bit too much cocaine for one day? You might hurt yourself. And then I don’t know what’d I do.

Spike waved a claw. “Psh, no. You know what they say: If you’re not dyin’, you’re not tryin’. And I’m no quitter.”

He was just about to use a claw to cut the brick down before a powerful force filled his nostrils.

“Oh no…”


A burst of flame lit up the room for a brief moment before subsiding.

Treehugger happily took a puff of her newest roll. “Thanks, Spike! Your sneeze lit my joint for me.”

Spike rubbed his nose clean as a few bits of white powder escaped from his bodily eruption. “Of course, of course. But now, I get to— Where’d the cocaine brick go?”

Celestia sat upon her throne, head resting on her hoof, waiting for the day to be over. She had listened to fourteen too many obnoxious nobles today and it was still early. She needed something, anything, to get her away for a bit.

And then a large brick of cocaine fell next to her.

Celestia’s eyes grew to the size of saucers when she peered at the foreign object. It was large and it looked expensive.

She wasn’t quite sure what to say. Drugs being delivered to her throne room out of thin air? Cocaine being distributed throughout her kingdom? Was this a sign of the end?

After contemplating this for but a moment, she had only one thing to say.

“Huh, I thought the drop-off wasn’t until next week. Neat.”