Cupcanus™
“Pinkie, I think there’s something wrong with the cupcakes you made.” Sunset poked a finger into the hole in the center of the cupcake, and it came away with chocolate on the tip. “I don’t think it’s cooked all the way through.”
“Nah, it’s supposed to be like that.” Pinkie grinned down at her own cupcake before shoving her face into it. “Twilight came up with them.” She said as she sat back up with frosting around her mouth.
Sunset was more wary of the cupcake now. She’d learned to distrust any sort of food when Twilight was involved.
It seemed like a normal cupcake, though— just orange cakey goodness with red frosting. If it weren’t for the finger sized hole and chocolate inside it, it would look fine. Maybe a bit misshapen with two little mounds instead of the usual dome of cupcake top.
“You’ve got a bit of red…” Sunset pantomimed around her own mouth before quickly giving up and passing Pinkie a napkin. “So Twilight designed a new cupcake? What for?” She took a drink from the glass of milk next to her cupcake.
“I’m learning to eat booty.” She held up another cupcake to show off the shape of it a bit better. It did, indeed, look like a butt.
Sunset inhaled sharply, spilling milk onto the counter as she started choking. “That’s, uh, interesting. Should I ask why?”
“There’s a girl I like and Dash says she’s into that stuff. The girl I like, not Dash. At least, I think Dash isn’t into that? I should ask next time I see her…” Pinkie tapped a finger to her chin thoughtfully.
“You know, it’s getting late, I think I’m gonna head home. Thanks for the cupcake.”
“Okie dokie! See ya later, Sunny!”
As soon as Sunset had left Pinkie’s house she whipped her phone out.
“Hey, Sunset. What’s up?” Twilight’s voice sounded from the other end of the call.
“Hey. So, uh, I just left Pinkie’s… She mentioned you were getting into baking?”
“Oh, she showed you the Cupcanus?”
Sunset facepalmed. “Why are you making cupcake butts?” She regretted asking the moment the words left her mouth.
“I’m thinking of expanding the business. The Cupcanus is the first step towards a line of bake-it-yourself tutorials. Pinkie’s beta testing for me.”
“Why?!” Sunset had to stop walking and pinch the bridge of her nose in an attempt to stave off the impending headache on the horizon.
“Pinkie wanted to learn rimming. Something about a girl she likes? I didn’t ask the details. Honestly I’m just glad I have an excuse to branch out. You wouldn’t believe how hard it was to design a cupcake tray that could create a realistic replica of the human anus.”
“I can only imagine.” Sunset said flatly, continuing her walk home.
“No, really! The research was incredibly difficult— I had to design it with nothing but online sources. Turns out that people don’t take to well to you asking if you can study their anus.”
“Who did you— nevermind, don’t tell me.”
“If you’d like I could show you the math next time you’re over. I ended up borrowing your measurements from Rarity.”
“You managed to rope Rarity into this?” Sunset asked, rounding a corner. As her home came into view, she froze midstep. “Wait, can you repeat that?”
“I said Rarity was surprisingly helpful. She even gave me your measurements so I could make a miniature replica.” Twilight said nonchalantly.
“Are you telling me that Pinkie’s at home eating my ass?!” Sunset said, a bit too loudly. A nearby mother clapped her hands over her daughter’s ears and lead her inside, shooting Sunset a dirty look.
“Sunset, relax. It’s not like it’s to scale or anything.”
“Oh, great,” Sunset sighed as she opened her front door and kicked off her shoes, “she can eat a dozen smaller replicas of my butt rather than one big one.”
“You know, the point of the Cupcanus isn’t just something to snack on, it’s a training device for the consumer—” Twilight snickered at her unintentional pun before continuing, “for the consumer to learn proper analingus techniques.
“Think of the possibilities if it’s successful in teaching Pinkie new sexual techniques! Cupcanus is just the beginning. I could expand the product line to include a variety of edible tutorial aids— maybe even a cake-based Beanis for teaching oral sex techniques!” Twilight was gushing on the other end of the call.
“Twilight, it’s great that you’re excited and all that, but I can’t help but think that you’re forgetting the part about Pinkie Pie eating snack-sized versions of my butt all weekend.” She complained from her spot on the couch with her legs draped over the arm.
“Right, you’re not comfortable with that. I’m going to be busy in the lab all weekend, but I’ll talk to Pinkie at school on Monday, okay?”
Sunset let out a long sigh. “Alright. Just promise me that the next time you want to make something based off of one of your friends you ask permission first?”
“Okay, I promise.”
“Thanks. Anyway, I’m gonna go. Talk to you later, Twilight.”
~~~
At lunch on Monday, Sunset wasn’t surprised to see Pinkie pull out another Cupcanus.
“So, Pinkie,” Sunset said slowly, “I don’t suppose you talked to Twilight today?”
“Nope.” Pinkie’s pink curls bounced as she shook her head.
“Of course not.” Sunset frowned. “So, you’re still eating those cupcakes?”
“Yep! I’ve been eating cakes like booty all weekend!” Pinkie grinned, oblivious to the boys at the next table perking up. She delicately licked at the cupcake, a small dollop of frosting coming away on the tip of her tongue. “I think I’m getting pretty good at this!” Pinkie continued licking at the Cupcanus, apparently unaware of the lascivious grins she was receiving.
“I’m glad to hear it.” Twilight replied as she walked up and took a seat across from Pinkie. “It looks like the beta test is a success then?” Pinkie nodded. “Excellent. Then we can move on to the next phase of testing. If you don’t mind, Pinkie, I was hoping we could use an altered version of the Cupcanus— something with an altered posterior shape?”
“Aw, but I like this one. It’s, like, the perfectest butt ever!” Sunset turned a few shades of pink at Pinkie’s words.
Pinkie hadn’t stopped her licking. Her tongue danced along the crevice of the confection in small controlled circles. A happy hum escaped her as she worked. Sunset licked her lips, enraptured by the display.
“About that,” Twilight said slowly, “the, ah, model I used to shape the molds has mentioned that she’s not happy with her rear being used for consumption.”
“Aww...” Pinkie pouted before nipping at one of the mounds of cake.
Sunset crossed her legs as Pinkie kept nibbling down from one end of the lump to the other. The girl took her sweet time, pausing to enjoy each and every tiny bite.
“Sorry about that, Pinkie,” Twilight frowned, “but I’d rather not upset the model. She happens to be a good friend of mine. Maybe we could come up with—”
“Would she really be that upset, Twilight?” Sunset interrupted, her eyes glued to Pinkie’s snack.
“I— really?” Twilight cocked her head to the side in confusion.
“Well, I mean, she can’t be that unreasonable.” Sunset chewed her lower lip. Was it hotter in the cafeteria? “Maybe if you talked to her privately she would change her mind.”
“If you really think that’s what she would say…” Twilight shrugged, “I guess nevermind on that, Pinkie.”
“Woohoo!” Pinkie briefly tossed her hands in the air before returning to licking. The last few scraps of frosting fell to the dexterous might of Pinkie’s tongue before she abruptly plunged it deep into the chocolate core of the Cupcanus.
Sunset stood suddenly, her face flushed under the heat of the cafeteria lights. “I gotta go!” She left hastily, abandoning her lunch in the process.
Pinkie watched Sunset until she disappeared out the door. “What’s eating her?”