Stupid Wings

by Hillbe

First published

Spike has wings

Spike has wings, But they have a mind of their own. (Wing Boners Galore)

Stupid Wings

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Stupid Wings

Fire blasts, claws and bucks were on the menu today as prismatic colors and flames met in the skies over Ponyville, Fillies shielded their eyes and mares swooned at the display of Thunderbolt fury and a dragons might, If the odds were right the wagers changed on black boards at the local pubs.
The battle raged on in the noonday sky neither foe giving up or giving quarters. As a certain mare would say "It IS ON!"


"Come on sport you can do it just follow my leader" Rainbow looked back at her student learning a few combat maneuvers as the split 'S' entered a return to target pass at the slower dragon.
Spike rolled on his back into a vertical rolling scissors knowing Rainbows speed would cause her to overshoot letting him to claw rake or blast her with simulated a ball of fire. The pegasus popped her speed brake tail and hooves to arrest her speed so a simulated buck to the adversary's spine would end the match.

"Yoo Hoo Spikey Wikey, Are you finished with your little flying lesson?" An angelic voice called out, Spike eyed a quick glance at the sight, it was Fluttershy and the heart stopping Miss Rarity standing below waving at the aerial combatants.

"PoompH!" Spikes flight went from air combat 101 to screwing the pooch in an awesome point twentieth of a second as both flyers were caught up tumbling to their doom tangled in each others wings, hooves legs and tails. Spike yelled "What's happening to me?!" Dash immediately and most immodestly bucked the dragon in the gut knocking the wind out of him, Rarity gasped as she watched the uncouth technique that separated the airborne duo as they fell.

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Spike gasped for air laying on the ground wheezing out "Gosh what happened? Why did my stupid wings quit working."
Misses Dash dryly apologized "Sorry sport had to buck you like that. It was really needed for your type of wing issue" His puzzlement grew as Raindows face begin to glow pink.
"What wing issue?" Spike asked "Is it serious?"

"It could be serious" Rainbow eyed the dragon "Very serious if it happens at the wrong time!"

"Rainbow Dash, What in Celestias name did you do to my Spikey Wikey?"

Rainbows face was a crimson red as Rarity trotted closer "Well? Do you have a reason to why you..."

"Ask Fluttershy about Spikes wing issues. Oh look at the time I've another lesson in Cloudsdale, I got to go. Bye see you at the castle, later!" in a rainbow streak the mighty Miss Dash was gone but not the unanswered question, Why did she clobber Rarity's dear little Spikey Wikey.

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The boutiques bell announced the trios entry as another trio sat going through scraps of fabric for their cutie mark camps next project.
"What happened to Spike" Sweetie squeaked as the others raised to their hooves to help Spike off Rarity and Fluttershys hooves. Moving him to her chase lounge the crusaders marveled at Spikes new wings as he sat on the edge ready to lay back for some much needed rest.
Rarity turned tail and rushed away from the bunch in a hurry to fetch her Spikey a cool compress as Fluttershy accompanied her.

"PoompH!" The air exploded in flying crusaders and couch stuffing as the sound of a hissing Opal kitty filled Spikes ear frills.

Rarity called out from the kitchen "Girls please keep the riot to a minimum Spikes not doing well" the two mares conversation a murmur to every pony else .

Spike sat pinned to the couch hearing snickers and whispering from the crusaders mostly Sweetie and Scootaloo.

"What's the big secret you guys? I can almost hear you from here". Spike flopped around with his wings "Did Twilight ever have wing problems like this?"
"I don't think so" Scootaloo giggled "But you got it bad".
The three raced out the door singing "Spike and Rarity sitting in a tree..." the door closed, mercifully saving Spike from the following embarrassing lines.
"Stupid wings" Spike rolled onto his belly as he stuffed the filling back into Raritys favorite couch unlike pegasus feathers that could act like fingers or claws Spikes equipment had only two positions flap or wrap. Fluttershy exited the kitchen solo with a fresh ice pack and placed it between his wings. It had an immediate effect of soothing and relaxing his pesky little trouble makers.
"Where's Rarity?"
"Oh she's taking care of something before we go to Twilights" Fluttershy blushed "She asked me a few questions about your wings and she's gone ahead to talk it over with Twilight".
"Really Gosh, Do you know why I'm having wing cramps and stuff?" Spike continued "Being a pegasus you can tell me all about my wing problems can't you?"
"Sorry Spike I don't think Twilight would want me to, It's rather silly, But you can ask her tonight"

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After repairing the damaged couch, a little general shop cleaning and coaxing Opal off the ceiling. Spike and Fluttershy walked through the hamlet to the ever towering castle of friendship. Their conversation weaving through years past the months before and today "So you and Discord Eh?" The Fluttershy of the past would of "Meeped" and rolled into a pink and yellow ball. Today? Right now Flutters stopped and looked Spike right in the eyes "Why not? and how about you? We all know how you feel about Rarity"
"PoompH!" "Stupid wings! But I don't think she like likes me that way". Spikes wings deflated like a set of Pinkies petered out balloons, He let out a breath "But at least we're great friends".
"Give it time Spike I'm positive things will turn out for the better". A gentle boop to Spikes snoot restarted the journey.

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The whole gang was lounging around the crystal map table radar thingy waiting to begin their little get together. Rainbow snickered as Pinkie nervously vibrated in manic energy, Twilight was furiously scribbling in her journal, a chronicle of Spikes growth and dragons in general a grin plastered on her muzzle. Rarity was prancing around the table ready to greet Fluttershy her fabulous enthusiasm on display.

Spike knew something was up as everypony was acting a lot more strange then the usual "What the hay were you thinking" strangely odd almost normal daily routine.
"I knew it! I've got a stupid deadly wing disease and you don't want me to get scared!" Spike whispered to Miss Shy, he looked on as Rarity had tears leaking from her eyes "Poor Rarity she's all broken up about it, I'm doomed" he whimpered.

"Fluttershy my dear I've decided to start dating again isn't it wonderful?"

Spikes eyes grew wide "I knew it I'm dying and WHAT?...." Spikes wings sagged to the floor dragging along, At least they were great friends. Spike looked up at his once crush and half heartedly let out "So you want to date agai...?" He couldn't finish a word seeing the future Spikes wing problems continue to be just that. problems.

Spikes world crushed in a white blur his wings ribs legs and spine gathered up and started spinning, "So this is it.." Spike whimpered as a louder voice screamed to Celestia,

"Oh. Spikey Wikey I thought you'd never ask!"

Spike sat on the floor his eyes still spinning his ears ringing asking "Ask you what?"

Rainbows voice sang out " A date stupid!":rainbowlaugh:

Spike quizzed again "A date with who?"

Miss Pie answered "A date with Spikey!":pinkiehappy:

Spike befuddled by it all "I got a date with me?" He looked up at Fluttershy "What?"

"You asked Rarity If she wanted to date":yay:

"I did?"

Rarity snuggled her dragon "You most certainly did my precious scales".:duck:

"What do I do now?"

Rarity answered his question most lightly in the most unfiltered unladylike language.

"PoompH!" "PhoopH!" "PoompH!":pinkiegasp::applejackconfused: Pinkie and Appplejach could only gasp.

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Dear Princess Celestia,
Spike and Rarity finally started dating and I learned more about dragon and pegasus wings and habits, It's more then aerodynamics but I think Rainbow isn't telling me everything and what Fluttershy told Rarity I have yet to find out, Can you please send more informa...
A knock at the castles door echoed across the halls , Perhaps another delivery of books as you know we can never have enough books.
As Twilight opened the castles doors her eyes saw the stallion before her"PoompH!!!" Stupid wings.:facehoof:

Stupid Horn

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Stupid Horn

Raritys kiss lasted longer then she expected as she laid on her sleeping Spikey Wikey, His wings wrapped around them both on the crystal map, an improvised observatory and chaperone head quarters. Snores and fidgeting could be heard straight away, no doubt it was probably Twilight and some stray foals ready for an early breakfast. She pondered her escape of this comfy prison and thought of an idea, Nibble. lick kiss kiss with another nibble was the combination needed as those glorious wings unfurled. As the Guardian of the Elements licked his lips and mumbled sweet nothings to his princess of fashion as she started to the kitchen.

She tippy hooved and pranced across the map room floor mined with dracony, unicorn, mud pony and pegisus. Ponies of all kinds littered the floor and two other foals floating in a protective bubble with their still sleeping Mothershy and Daddy Discord. The protective bubble saved the world more then once from two little Discord dynamos buzzing like electrons in one of Twilights atomic experiments. Rarity continued her quest looking down on General Dash a multi decorated war hero and her family, Her little filly was a gift as Soarin and Rainbow tried for years with out success. Until a Doctor Twilight Sparkle found out about their little issue and using a little genetic 'magic' from Spike and a whole lot of science stuff they gave birth to a tribride. She had Rainbows hair Soarins personality and draconic wings... Poor Spikey Wikey was guilt ridden for weeks as Twilight explained how the process worked with overly complex and compounded words and his lady's announcement of another mouth to feed dashed his scientific insecurities to pieces.

A few more steps revealed Pinkie with her own grown foals who were also national treasures as her gifts of Pie and the stealth of being half-lings made espionage childs play for her little buggies. Next to her the Apple clan all of them as earth pony as can be. Well Apple Bloom must of missed the family memo as she was held by her Thestral Guard as she cradled her little bat winged colt. The Lady Dragon of fashion thought back to those first years of firsts, her fashion empire and her standing as an Element then her union of species, Rarity was always on the cusp of fashion and national trends but without her dragons support and admiration even when possessed with inspiration she would be an empty vessel. or as Pinkie would say Spikey was the filling for her jelly doughnut of life.


Finally in the castles kitchen Rarity picked out some tasty gems, chocolate bits and sweet strawberries. Using her magic she arranged them on a platter, still on the hunt she opened the refrigeration unit as Luna called this wonder of modern technology to find the dairy whipped topping. What she saw brought tears to her eyes , No it wasn't the wilted stale veggie salad of Twilights or the mystery of meat cake, Something sitting in the dark so long it neither looked like a cake or meat, but a large red and pink bow around a crystal curette with a powered sapphire mixed fruit smoothie waiting just for her.
"That silly winged beasty" Rarity simmered "And here I thought I would be the one with the surprise, Well I'll show him!"

Rarity slipped back to the crystal map room only to see her dragon laying on his side in a pose the could grace the pages of some PG style Play-Mare magazine a dopy smile plastered on his snout and their brood lined up with the words HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MOTHER! The marsh mellow mare froze looking at her foal and colt dragon hybrids each holding a letter of her results of that union long ago. She happily pranced to Spike and laid the platter to the side. She hopped up beside him nuzzled his cheek and whispered into his ear fluke.
"PoompH!

Spikes wings extended to full mast as Raritys smirk was wiped off her muzzle along with every creature within his wing span.
Spikes apologies and Raritys take charge nature quickly replaced Discord and Pinkies howling laughter as fluttershy tended to the young ones needs.

The main six family foals and siblings circled the breakfast tables enjoying the days beginning meal when a strange noise came from the pantry nothing to be alarmed about, really. Nothing big, probably a foal caught behind the door. Rarity used her horn to pull open the door and fetch the noise maker.

A little "PoompH" was heard as Pinkie babbled gleefully "Gee Roachy, get a hotel room you two!" Rarity quickly bolted up rushing to the pantry door and gasped "I'm not ready to be a grand mother yet, SPIKE!"

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Fluttershys tittering laughter could be heard as the world faded to plaid her kiss lasting longer then she thought, Spikey sat on his rump his wings as stiff as the Canterlot castles spires. Her stupor broken by Fluttershys voice "I guess you two will be going on a second date".

A bright sky blue haze lit up the porch of the boutique as the crickets played the evening tune to Raritys horn light show.
"Whaaaaaaa" Rarity shook her head the glow fading from her horn" Was that real?"
"Gosh Rarity It looked like you need a hotel rooo ... I mean Spike must be a good kisser you lit up the whole street!" Sweetie giggled as she retreated back into the darkened Carousel Boutique.

Rarity looked down at her Spikey Wikey laid out on the stoop reviewing her dream as Fluttershy commented about her horns strange reaction. "What was that you said about too early to be a grand mother?"

"Stupid horn..."

In a castles keep in Canterlot an annoyed Celestia was scolding her sister "How could you be so cruel little sister?"
A few bits of pop corn bounced into view below the hooves of the two royal sisters as Pinkie let it be known she was there the whole time "I like it!"