A certain pony goes on a blind date for the first time in her life however It quickly spirals in something serious, and definately the opposite of what it should have been. (Ignore the picture, I just felt like drawing it!)
“But I didn’t even want to do this in the first place!” “Oh boy,” sighed Rainbow Dash as she carefully applied cosmetic powder, “there’s nothing to be afraid about!” “Are you tellin’ me this is your first time?” asked Applejack as she approached. Hesitating, she answered “Yes”. Suddenly Applejack and Rainbow Dash burst out into condescending laughter. Discouraged, Derpy drooped her head and tried her best to hide her blushing cheeks. Gloomy and uncomfortably moist, the basement of Applejack’s barn estate reeked with the concentrated odour of alcohol proliferating relentlessly making her slightly disorientated in the almost pitch darkness. “Nah, we’re just kiddin’ ‘round,” said Applejack as she extended a hoof around the swooning grey pegasus, “I remember my first time.” Derpy raised an ear, “And how was it like?” “Oh we went all the way...” said Applejack dreamily. “What?” “Oh uh,” the blushing earth pony realised she had revealed too much, “it’s uh nothin’.”
Highly perturbed, Derpy nervously tapped her hoof onto the soft gravel as Applejack brushed her simple blonde mane. “Son,” started Rainbow Dash carrying a shiny ribbon, “lemme give you some tips.” “Why RD why?” whined Derpy, “Why’re you forcing me?” “Because you’re literally like my wing women,” answered Rainbow Dash as she clumsily stuck the ribbon onto her mane, “and only AJ can call me that.” “Well,” sighed Derpy, “why couldn’t you take Applejack?” “’Cos she’s already done it!” snapped the rainbow pegasus, “now sidown, shut up ‘n listen!” Derpy lowered her head signalling defeat. “Firstly, there’s no talking advice, just open up and yank this stuff down.” Raising her head, Derpy depicted a small circular glass filled to the brim with transparent white liquid. “Oh good, I’m so thirsty.” In a few seconds, the liquid disappeared causing Derpy to display a twitching face. “What kinda water is this?” “Special water.” replied Applejack. “GOOD!” exclaimed Rainbow Dash as she hastily began to usher Derpy outside, “Now that you gots luck, rock this for me!” “I’ll try!” sang Derpy as she happily trotted outside. As soon as the pegasus vanished from sight, Rainbow Dash quickly dashed to the rear of the barn and whispered something inaudible to the back door before returning to Applejack. “What was actually in that glass?” asked Applejack. Rainbow Dash grinned, “It comes from Japan.”
~*~
“Darling, you look fabulous!” exclaimed Rarity as she levitated a couple of sparkling hairclips, “I don’t see why you’re so shy, you’re Fluttershy after all!” Fluttershy chuckled at the irony of the comment. “Trust me,” reassured the unicorn applying some lipstick, “just do everything I told you, stay calm and you’ll be fi-” “WHAT IF HE DOESN’T WANT TO SEE ME?!” Fluttershy abruptly burst into panic, levitating above the ground. “Fluttershy dear c-calm down,” Rarity said stroking her tail, “There’s no need to panic. Who is this guy anyway?” “I dunno!” shrieked Fluttershy. “Pinkie Pie set me up on this but I said no but she said it was a good experience but I still said I didn’t want to but she insisted-” “Fluttershy listen,” hushed Rarity, “you need to learn to stay calm. Trust in yourself and just act natural-” The front door of the boutique suddenly swung open knocking over manikins and spilling in frosty twilight air.
“PINKIE PIE!” growled Rarity. “Where have you been? You were supposed to help me with Fluttershy! It’s already seven ‘o clock! Where were you?!” Pinkie Pie glanced at the ceiling wondering how to reply, “Oh, I was, uh, somewhere. Anyway Fluttershy, you ready for your blind date?!” “No!” whimpered the pegasus. “Great!” cried Pinkie Pie latching her hoof onto Fluttershy’s. “Let’s go!” “Fluttershy yelped hysterically as Pinkie Pie dragged her out of the boutique. “Remember what I told you.” called Rarity. It took about fifteen seconds before Fluttershy finally ascended to her hooves after being dragged across the ground, ruining her carefully groomed mane. “Pinkie,” stuttered Fluttershy, “I don’t think I can do this!” “Sure you can!” beamed Pinkie Pie, “Everypony loves you! So she I mean he will love you too!” “But you didn’t even tell me who I’m meeting!” “Duh,” Pinkie Pie said with her jaw hanging, “That’s why it’s called a blind date!” “I’m terrified!” cried Fluttershy as she collapsed onto the ground. “Aww c’mon, you know you’re better than that,” Pinkie Pie said lowering to her level, “trust me it’s a fun experience. I’ve done it, Applejack’s done it and we’ve never regretted it. I assure you you’ll have the time of your life” she finished with a smile.
Encouraged, Fluttershy slowly rose and tailed Pinkie Pie to their destination. With no idea of where she was headed, she trotted in silence enjoying the mild moonlight radiating down and soft breezes whizzing past her face. Soon enough they arrived at a posh café styled restaurant which she reluctantly entered. “Kinda nice place Pinkie Pi-” Fluttershy did not finish as she noticed her companion had mysteriously disappeared. Shaking, she proceeded into the restaurant and picked out a two seated table and waited. Almost instantaneously she spotted a pegasus entering the building.
That must be him! She thought. Wow, he’s so handsome; his grey coat is just so complex! Wow I’ve never seen a mane so blonde and flawless and his broad wings, he’s turning this way! Boy he has a gorgeous face! So round and plump like mine! Oh look he’s even wearing a ribbon how cute! He’s approaching! His eyes, so magnificently orange and light green, hmm, how come they’re crossed? And his cutie mark...six bubbles? Fluttershy suddenly realised who her blind date was. “You?! You’re my date?”
~*~
“High hoof Pinkie!” exclaimed Rainbow Dash. “We did it!” “Didja drug her?” asked Pinkie Pie peering through a pair of binoculars. “Of course” responded the pegasus hidden behind some shrubs. “This is gonna be gold!”
It was unbelievable, a date with her?! She could not comply. The feeling she possessed of how much she wanted to get back at Pinkie Pie! But it wasn’t her character and she tried to make the best of the scenario. Tears materialised at the back of her eyes but she fought to keep them in, not wanting to be seen as a wimp in public, especially not in front of Derpy Hooves. She longed for Angel but pets were forbidden inside the restaurant.
“Well,” uttered Fluttershy, “I guess it kinda funny that-” “Tell me about it,” Derpy said leaning forward with an obvious odour of some kind of alcohol causing Fluttershy to jerk back suddenly. “I’m sorry,” she apologised, “it’s just I think I’m a little tipsy.” Derpy then allowed some time to pass by diverting her attention from the already uncomfortable Fluttershy. “So.....” trailed Fluttershy, “I guess it’s kind of funny that we were set up on our own blind dates. Oh I really want to kill Pinkie Pie!” she said in her manliest voice, “Well, not literally of course.” She finished shying away. The grey pegasus let out a spasm of enthusiasm. “Me too!” she cried. “I feel like killing Rainbow Dash and Applejack ‘cos they’re the ones who set me up on this! Rainbow even called me her ‘literal wing women’; I mean what the hay does that mean? Then they made me drink something.” Fluttershy absently tilted her head gasping slightly at the news; however she took little notice as she absorbed herself back into her anxious mind; the one place where she truly felt safe. What am I doing? Do I look funny? Do I smell? Is she recording this?! God no! Worst yet, is R.D. recording this?! Paranoia swept into her mind like a flash flood.
Suddenly the front doors of the restaurant café burst open, a gust of wind trailed inward and spread into the building extinguishing petite candle-lit tables. Two dark figures rapidly approached a single candle light adjacent to the two pegasi revealing a pink mane on one carrying a pair of binoculars and a cyan coat on the other. At two metres apart, the figures exploded into rampant, uncontrollable laughter. “You should have seen your faces!” laughed Rainbow Dash waving her hoof at the pegasi, “Priceless!” Pinkie Pie crudely joined in. Some of the tears behind Fluttershy’s eye escaped now and quickly trailed down her face. But wiping them off she cleared her throat, “A-actually Dash,” she said trying her best to hide her face, “I’m really glad you set us up.” The laughter stopped immediately. “Wait,” blurted Pinkie Pie, “You can’t be serious?” “Oh yes, me and her are,” she paused to wink at Derpy, “we really like each other.” Derpy understood at once. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash faced each other and resumed their laughter again. The two seated ponies patiently waited for their mockery to subside keeping their chins high with confidence. “You-c-can’t be-s-s-serious!!!!!!” Rainbow Dash barely managed to say. “Oh we’re serious,” said Derpy firmly as she nervously extended her hoof onto Fluttershy’s. “Just w-watch us!” “There’s no way.” whispered Pinkie Pie doubtfully.
Derpy and Fluttershy’s faces tensed up again. They knew they were expecting a result. Fluttershy who had been exhausted of ideas tightened her grip around Derpy’s hoof which seemed to be changing colour. Meanwhile the anticipated faces of Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash glared eagerly for the outcome. Trembling with sweat racing down her forehead, Derpy hesitantly rose from her seat and gently fastened her hooves onto her partner’s cheeks. Now’s the time! She then proceeded to lean forward ever so slightly, until she was a nose away from Fluttershy. A gentle peck and their lips met with passionate rage almost as if they were instantly glued together, or at least that was what it appeared to be. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash’s jaw dropped instantly buying the illusion. Faking, the blind dates embraced each other trying to make it look as realistic as possible, tensing face expressions and heads swinging side to side. Derpy’s lip however was cleverly hidden into Fluttershy’s neck and hers on Derpy’s opposite cheek invisible to Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash.
What have I gotten myself into?! thought Derpy.
“Ooh, don’t uh, stop?” mumbled Fluttershy.
“I won’t?” moaned Derpy.
Even a retarded being could depict it was false but somehow despite how obvious, it was enough to convince the pranksters that they were really smooching. Derpy decided to take it a step further. With great reluctance she started to rub her hooves down Fluttershy’s shoulder and back up again, continuing down to her abdomen and hips then repeating the process. Their heads swayed more intensely and it continued until it was a point that they looked like they had fused and become one big jiggling mass of movement.
“That’s uh, some, sweet...rubbin’?”
Derpy did not reply, for she was going through her own dilemma. Regretful and disgusted by her rash decision, her head began to feel and weigh like a boulder almost dragging her physical body to the ground. From all the intense movement, the feeling in her hooves disappeared and rapidly spread to all parts of her body until she became completely numb. Next was her eyesight, rapidly fading into a tunnel-like enclosure engulfed in black. In one massive swing she fell not feeling the ground impact her, but falling into a bottomless empty void not even wondering why.
In a different world, Fluttershy noticed her partner had collapsed. “Derpy?” she said concerned, “Girls, help?” Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash did not budge, dead struck into the seemingly inconclusive results of their prank.
~*~ Authors notes: Well this is my first time to write comedy(ish) and a little drama (which I hate doing) so I decided to perform some experimentation. I wonder how I faired. Anyway praise, suggestions, constructive criticism, deconstructive criticism is all welcome here.
It was almost like being in a whirlpool, a whole mess and jumble of disorganised chaos swirling and overlapping in all directions with her caught in the middle. It was nearing. Dreading, she reached out towards the light at the moment of impact as it crammed upon her slowly sinking, crushing...
The alarm adjacent suddenly sounded. Leaping in fear, Derpy hastily scanned the environment around her bedroom grasping the bed sheets and let out a relieved sigh finding nothing. The sun had just risen over the forecasted cloudy day, penetrating the low lying mess of clouds and faintly landing onto the window blinds slightly creeping through. Lazily yawning, she stretched her limbs and placed a hoof on the cold floor but fell to the ground whinging in pain.
Her head throbbed furiously as she twitched on the floor. Clutching her forehead she pounded violently in a fruitless attempt to ease the sensational pain radiating from her head. Trying to recall the night before, she gnashed her teeth and thought hard but her memory seemed corrupted and hazed. The bewildered pegasus continued to roll on the ground mindlessly clutching whatever she could to pull herself up. Eventually on all fours she shook her head numerously to gain vision immediately spotting something foreign. “What’s this?” she said limping over to a nearby dressing table. It was an ordinary white envelope with no writing on the front. Tearing it open, inside contained a letter of course.
I’m very truly sorry. I hope you’ll find someday where you’ll be able to find forgiveness. Thing’s just got a little too far and I don’t know what happened. Again I’m truly, very, very sorry. Signed: Somepony
Somepony? she thought. Immediately she disposed of it in the nearest trash-can believing it to be some sort of infomercial. Celestia I hate those! Ignoring it, she sleepily trotted into the bathroom and brushed her mane several times, flinching in pain every time the brush touched her head. She did not prepare breakfast as she decided to make her way over to Fluttershy’s cottage to try and clarify events. Just seconds after opening the main door, she seemed to attract a small crowd. Ponies in near proximity seemed to simultaneously cease their activity and remark silently at her. Picking up her pace almost running, she noticed the crowd chasing after her, well the stallions at least. Fortunately she lost them around the thick, plant infested bend that lead to Fluttershy’s cottage.
Releasing a sigh, Derpy galloped up to the front porch of the cottage but another sight made her gasp sharply. Just a few metres away a colt lying on his back on a bench, reading a magazine with two very familiar figures on the cover. As she inched closer she made out two pegasi gracefully embraced into each other, one a yellow coated pony with a gorgeous pink mane and outstanding sapphire eyes glistening brightly with three butterflies on her flank. The other had a grey coat and a simple blonde mane with a tensed face, her cutie mark hidden. What the hell? Who put that there?! The colt reading was making soft breathing noises as his magical horn levitated the magazine with his front hoof positioned oddly between his groin. “What are you...doing?” Derpy asked already knowing the answer. “I’m m-” “Okay! I get it!” Derpy quickly cut him off. “I mean where’d you get that?” “I found it over...” he trailed off as his mouth hung stagnant, starting to hyperventilate before releasing a deep moan of ecstasy. Derpy felt like throwing up on his face. Keeping her mouth shut, she quickly retraced her steps back up to the porch and swiftly knocked. It opened at once.
“Oh hey Derpy!” the pegasus energetically said, “Come on in.” “Sorry I’m here so early Fluttershy,” she said walking in, Fluttershy closing the door behind her. As always small animals and birds scurried about with their business scattered amongst the cottage occasionally conversing with one another. She suddenly felt uncomfortable. “It’s just that there’s something I have to tell you.” “What?” asked Fluttershy concerned, seeming oblivious and innocent. “Ok,” paused derpy taking a deep breath, “Here goes. When-” Tapping came from the door. Fluttershy quickly ran to it. “Uh hold that thought.” She called back. Standing by the doorway was Rarity and Rainbow Dash with the cyan pony possessing a suppressed grin on her face. “Oh hi girls.” whispered Fluttershy. “Very good morning!” started Rarity. “I see you’re having a wonderful day. Oh!” she exclaimed eyeing Derpy. “I didn’t know you had company.” “Hey.” Rainbow Dash greeted but Derpy did not respond. “Anyway how can I help you girls? Did you come here for a tea party with me?” Fluttershy said gasping. “That’s so nice of you!” “Actually no,” replied Rarity dejectedly, “I just came to see if you have any lose threads you would not mind giving up. You see, I’m a little low on cash so-” “No problem!” beamed Fluttershy. “Just follow me.” The two ponies proceeding to climb a staircase and disappear upstairs.
On the ground floor Derpy anxiously eyed Rainbow Dash who mysteriously continually eyed her, turned away, chuckle softly and then repeated the process. At first she ignored it as ‘Rainbow Dash was just being Rainbow Dash’, but unsurprisingly with her foul mood and head throbbing she quickly lost her temper and stormed towards the pegasus. “What’s the big deal?!” she hissed at her face-to-face. “O-oh!” Rainbow Dash stuttered, “I-it’s n-n-nothing!!” “I’m not gullible y’know!” “Yes you are.” Rainbow Dash fired back. “No I’m not!” rebutted Derpy. “Yes you are.” “No I’m not!!” “Yes you are.” “NO I’M NOT!!!” This went on for quite some time creating a minor racket inside the house causing onlookers to peer in curiously if any ever came by. Eventually though Derpy was reduced to grovelling. “Please, please, please, please, PLEASE tell me!!!!!” “You sound really lame right now.” “PLEEEEEAAAASE!!!!” begged the grey pegasus. “ALL RIGHT!” surrendered Rainbow Dash. “But I warn you, you won’t like it.” Looking around, she dug into the knapsack around her neck producing a magazine laying it across the floor. Eyeing it with fascination at first, it quickly diminished as Derpy recognised it to be the exact copy she had seen en route earlier. The colour on her face seemed to amend red instantly.
“Where did you get this?” said Derpy icily. “Trust me, you don’t wanna know.” Enraged, the grey pegasus made a dash and leap, successfully pinning the athletic Rainbow Dash to a wall toppling over a few books cased in a corner bookshelf. “Why’d you do this to m-me?” “Relax!” screamed the pinned pony. “Do what?!” Derpy had allowed her bad mood and foul temper to supersede her, “Submit this photo to this magazine!” Rainbow Dash flawlessly detached herself from the grasp of Derpy, powerfully swiping away her hoof restraining her now hovering above Derpy. “Did you accidently lick a rainbow or something?!” scolded Rainbow Dash. “I NEVER submitted anything. I don’t know where-”
Like a bull readying to charge, Derpy lowered her head and stomped her hoof. In a matter of seconds she was galloping at full speed towards Rainbow Dash. Reflexes kicking in, she dodged the speeding pegasus just. Missing her target without registering where she was headed, Derpy forcefully crashed into a window shattering the glass, tumbling over the window’s ledge and onto Fluttershy’s front porch knocking herself out cold. “That’s gotta hurt.” Hoofsteps suddenly sounded. Rainbow Dash scrambled to retrieve the magazine but it was too late. A single figure stumbled upon it and froze, transfixed, speechless. Fearing the worst, Rainbow Dash hesitantly glanced towards the figure, breathing a sigh of relief. “Where, what?” Rarity was lost for words. “Aww, they’re so cute!” “Yeah yeah,” said Rainbow Dash tugging Rarity hastily, “but right now we gotta go!” Swooping up the magazine and roughly shoving Rarity outside, the two fled the scene with Derpy still laying unconscious on the front yard, abandoning Fluttershy having dodged an enormous bullet. _________________________________________________________________________________________________
Authors Notes: More experimentation. Decided to go with something else aside from the “Oh you kissed her, you cheated on me, we really had it going on, etc” Anyway not much hope for this project. I may put it on hiatus.
