Freedom
I was listening organ music, sitting near the local church. I couldn’t go there, and to be honest, didn’t want to. If I had to choose either sitting alone on a stone in the middle of rain, or sitting inside, where everyone will look at me, even for a short period of time… I’d rather choose the former, thank you.
Can’t say I liked such music too much, but there was something… attractive in it. Couldn’t put my finger on, though.
When the music stopped, I stood up and went home.
Home… yeah, right. I can’t find a better opposite to the place I lived in, even if I tried.
When somebody says ‘Home’, they usually mean… I don’t know, a place they live in? With families, dogs, cats, birds, lizards, pet sharks and whatnot?
But for me, this word meant something else. Something more than a house, or a family. Or both
It meant… freedom. Serenity. Calmness. No storms for a fragile person, like me.
I knew that there are people who suffer like me, and who suffer much more than me. But how would it make me feel better? Mystery for ages yet to come.
This town I lived in was… unpleasant for living. Well, it’s a monumental understatement, actually. But again, by world’s standards it’s above average. Decent, even.
Did I ever tell that I hate these standards?
No, I didn’t. Well, I said it now.
It was gray, for the lack of a better words. Dirty, gray and filled with all kinds of woes you find in a town like this: high crime rates, high unemployment rates, poverty, homelessness, yada yada yada… you get the point.
And for the third time -- it’s much better than some Brazilian favela, for example. Or Caracas. Especially Caracas.
But it didn’t help me the slightest!
I walked down the road I knew well. I lived here from the day I was born. Now that I think of it, I realise how much time I wasted, how many years lived for nothing. They are the same, over and over again.
Can drive you to madness, btw. Although, it’s mostly an extreme outcome. I don’t think it’d happen to me.
I lived the same boring, gray life like the rest of humans. We're trying to entertain ourselves, but the is -- routine is stronger. We live our meaningless, gray and dull lives, we're desperately want something to change and delude ourselves with anything we can find.
But nothing works. Nothing helpes. We are drones that act the same.
Did I hate humans? I did. Did I hate myself? I did. Did I want to kill humans? Doubtful. I wanted to just leave this place for good and forget about everything. Let humans do whatever they want and leave me alone.
I finally arrived. Went to my room, without bothering to say a word. They used to it. I did, to.
I practically fell down on my bed and closed my eyes.
When I open them tomorrow, it’d be the same place, the same life and the same gray palette.
I surely do love some stability in my life.
========
When you sleep, you perceive everything differently. The line between reality and dream becomes blurry and you don’t know where is truth, and where is your imagination.
But not this time.
This time it felt strange… almost real…
I was standing in a place I’ve never been in. At least I don’t remember being in a gray, endless space with a single wooden… bridge? Under my feet. Yeah, looks like it.
I squinted and finally understood where was I wrong.
It wasn’t a gray space without up, down, right or left. It was a… sea of some sort. And above me was the gray sky. So, water was gray as well. It seemed to be kinda sick. I mean, there were almost no waves, and I couldn’t feel fresh air you expect to feel from the sea.
“Turn around, please.”
Sudden voice nearly caused me a heart attack.
“Could you please refrain from scaring me? I don’t want to go in a ho-”
I didn’t finish my phrase when I turned around and saw…
Something.
Or rather, someone.
I saw a blurred figure, shimmering in pure white light. I had to cover my eyes so I won’t become blind.
“I apologise for scaring you, young one. I did so because we need to talk.”
“Uh… what? Talk? What about?”
I was calming down slowly. After all, a lucid dream is a rare opportunity to see for someone like me, so why not to play along?
“You know this place, don’t you?”
I was taken aback by this question.
“Of course I don’t know this place. Look around, it’s only gray sky and gray water. Well, and a wooden bridge below.”
“Just like your life, isn’t? Gray morning, gray noon and gray evening. Day after day, night after night.”
I opened my mouth to say that I don’t agree, but suddenly realised that this… creature was right.
Holy cookies, she’s right about eveything!
“But, how do you… and what… bridge… um...”
I couldn’t build coherent phrases for a while, but the creature understood what I tried to say, much to my surprise.
“I knew it, because lost souls like you tend to be noticeable. I could perceive your pain, your life and your sorrow. Once I realised everything about you, I decided to organize our… conversation.
You see only grayness all around you. It’s because in here, we can see the true you and your true life.
Gray skies for your life, gray water for your emotions and the bridge for your path in life. You can go only forward, in the gray world you live in, until you reach the dead end and will die.”
I looked down, trying not to break in tears.
“So… you just came here to… to gloat?”
“No. I came here because you needed help. I’m here to offer you a possible solution.”
I looked at her with a spark of mad hope in my eyes.
“I’m all ears.”
“Do you know the place, called Equestria?”
“N-no… never heard of it.”
“This place is where I came from. It is my home, just like it is a home for many other ponies.”
My eyes widen.
“Ponies? You mean -- sapient ponies who build their own civilization? Wow, that’s… incredible!”
“Yes. I do mean it. We live peacefully and happily, in a world of true Harmony. There are no storms or woes that hurt us. Ponies from there live in a state of real serenity, real freedom and real calmness. They rule that world, not the other way around, and each of their days filled with new opportunities and happiness.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. It’s like… she describes my definition of home even better than me!
“What the… do you read my mind?”
Is it just me, or I heard a chuckle?
“No, I do not read your mind. I don’t have to, because your face reflects all your thoughts as it is.”
I shaked my head then looked at the creature again, this time without covering my eyes. Strange, but I didn’t go blind.
“Is it possible to...”
“To go there? Hard to say.
There’s no road that leads to Equestria. You can’t buy a ticket to fly on plane or ride on train. And no car can take you there.”
I felt how my tears finally started falling.
“So it’s all… for nothing? I can’t… go there… Wish I never heard about this place...”
“Do not despair, young one. There’s one chance for you. It’s a slim chance, but… better than nothing.
You have to free yourself from this world. Destroy every bloody chain that binds you to Earth. Only then you will finally find peace. Only then you will create a road to Equestria for yourself.”
“But… what does it mean? How can I do something, if I have no idea what is it?”
“I'll do what I can for you, but you have to remember what I said. This is not a dream.”
========
I slowly opened my eyes and look at the mobile phone’s screen. Huh… slept longer than I usually do. It’s almost 5:10 p.m.
That dream was… so real. As if I truly was there.
I stood up to turn the light on. When I did it, I saw something that couldn't be in my room.
I saw a gun.
It’s nigh-impossible to get a gun where I live, so it was some kind of freak accident that it even in my room.
I carefully walked to it and noticed that there is a note of some sort, writed directly on a pistol grip.
“This is not a dream.” I read out loud.
It took me several minutes to come back to my senses. So this is all real? Insanity… what’s next, Loch Ness monster will visit me? Or the bigfoot will ask to spare some milk?
I took the gun, without even thinking about the aftermath. About fingerprints and all that.
“Sever the chain. Release yourself from Earth’s fetters.”
It was a voice of that creature… in my head. I hope that nobody heard it.
‘Sever the chain. Bloody chain. Binds me to Earth. Bloody chain. What does it mean -- bloody chain? Well, it has something to do with blood, that’s for sure.
I wasn’t a donor, as far as I remember… I gave my blood a few times, yeah, but only for medical purposes. To check it for infections or something…
No, that’s not what I need. This doesn’t bind me. But what does, I wonder...’
I stopped pacing back and forth and thinking about this riddle. I suddenly understood everything.
“Sever the bloody chains that bind me to Earth.”
I had a brother. And a mother.
========
I went to the living room, with the pistol in my hand behind my back.
“Finally. I thought you’re not going to wake up today.”
My mother was sitting there, watching a TV.
“Is something wrong? You look strange.”
I licked my lips and asked in a dry voice:
“Can you help me? I’ve got something in my room I need assistance with.”
She looked slightly annoyed.
“Alright, but only if it’s not for too long -- I want to watch this movie. I can help you after that, though.”
“It’s not for long.”
I watched her standing from a couch and walking in my room. I followed.
“So, what do you need my help with- ah!”
She turned to me and saw a barrel of the gun.
“With severing a bloody chain.”
Sometimes I wondered, if I’m able to actually kill someone? Not from the distance, or sitting in a tank. Upfront, watching straight in the eyes and pulling the trigger?
Turns out, I am able.
She fell down on the floor, convulsing in agony. And I just stood there and watched how blood was flowing out from gunshots, carrying brain fragments with it.
"One down, two to go."
I went into the living room and prepared to wait. He usually comes around 5:30 p.m.
But I was wrong.
Seems like he was able to finish his job earlier. Or leave earlier. Didn’t matter anyway.
He opened the door and walked inside. He didn’t say anything to me. I didn’t say anything either. It’s always like this.
I stood up and followed him to the kitchen.
Then I aimed my gun and pulled the trigger.
I've never used firearms before, so I had to shoot from blank-point range.
Three shots, all in the head.
“Two down, one to go.”
I went to the living room again and placed the gun’s muzzle in my mouth. One way or another, I will never see Earth again. And it worths a shot.
“Three down. Mission completed.”
========
“Three down. Mission completed.”
I opened my eyes. That phrase was the first thing that came to my head. Did it mean that I’m finally free? Did I sever the chains?
“You did.”
I immediately turned my head to the source of that voice.
But this time it wasn’t just pure white light. It was… a pony?
She was white, spotless perfect color. Her mane was floating by itself, shimmering in several colors. She had a horn, wings. Was tall… taller than me, probably.
“Don’t look at me like that. I told you, until you will be able to control your face expression, your thoughts will be written on it.”
“I’m just… shocked. I’ve never seen anyone like you.”
“You’ve probably never seen anyone like you as well. ”
She was right. I didn’t see my body anymore. Instead, I was in a different body. A pony body.
“So, does that mean...”
“Like I said, it does. Welcome to Equestria.”
I stood up easily, as if I was in this body for years.
“Why don’t I have a horn and wings?”
“Because you’re an earth pony. There are three tribes in Equestria: unicorns, pegasi and earth pony. But you shouldn’t worry about it. You can fly and use magic just as well. And they are able to grow plants and have extraordinary strength too. The difference is just in appearance.
I’m an alicorn, in the other hoof. The only one in Equestria.
I am Princess Celestia, the ruler of this country.”
I bowed to her. Now I started to feel the difference, between this world and the old one. I’ve never felt myself so happy and content. And it was just the beginning.
“I hope it wouldn’t be insolent to ask for a little tour, Your Majesty?”
She smiled and winked.
“Not at all, young one.”
========
Two months later
========
I was sitting in my tidy house, drinking hot chocolate and looking at the street. I just had a very good time with my friends. We played in snow, threw snowballs to each other, builded a snow castle, snow ponies and the list goes on. We were laughing and smiling all along.
And I was, too. When I was spending time with my friends, I felt… serenity. I felt calmness and freedom. I was the happiest pony alive.
And I still am. Just like they are. Just like every single pony under Celestia’s sun.
I rarely remembered my life on Earth. Much less, my mother and brother. They were chains that bound me to Earth. I had to sever them. And I succeeded only because of Celestia’s help. I own her so much. But I still have the whole life to repay her kindness.
Sometimes I wondered, if it’s happening for real, or just in my head. But I didn’t care.
Even if I’m really staring at a soft wall in a madhouse, or going through coma hallucinations, it didn’t matter. I was happy.
And I needed nothing else.