Starlight Glimmer, feeling alone while Trixie is out of town, decides that the best course of action is drinking at the local watering hole.
The life of a reformed villain is a tough one. It's difficult to find friends who share the mindset of "I wanted to destroy/enslave the world!" due to the peaceful nature of Equestrians.
For such former megalomaniacs, there lies a little-known place called "The Salt Lick", where once a week, if you were evil enough to be a credible threat to Equestria, the barkeep will give you a discount in a night coined as "Villian's Night."
For one such unicorn, her time to discover this haven of enemies turned friends is today.
Some days just do not start well. For one Starlight Glimmer, this was certainly true. As her best friend Trixie was touring around Equestria, she had been very much feeling unmotivated to leave the crystal castle that she called home. Even leaving her room was a struggle lately, as thoughts of Trixie occupied her mind. It didn’t help that she now owned a small plush of her, made by Rarity in order to ease the pain of loneliness. At least it was warm.
Unfortunately for the unmotivated unicorn, Twilight Sparkle was there to attempt to “motivate” her out of her self imposed exile. Key word being attempt, as Starlight was having none of it. At first, she merely grunted at the alicorn to “Bugger off.” or something to that effect. Then there was assault from her various covers, pillows and sheets until there was nothing left on the bed aside from Starlight herself and the mattress.
By this point, Twilight had gotten sick of Starlight’s non-friendship nonsense. “Starlight!” she shrilly shrieked as she carefully tore the door off of it’s hinges, storming into her student’s room, a piece of paper within her magical grasp.
Starlight had also gotten sick of this, as indicated by a low grumbling noise. “The door was unlocked, you know.”
Twilight either didn’t know, or didn’t care, “I provide you with an ultimatum, go out, meet friends and socialize, or I throw you out to live with Trixie in her cramped caravan instead of this cosy crystal castle.” she stated plainly, glaring at her former rival.
For the first time in what seemed like weeks, Starlight hoisted herself from her barren bed, allowing her limbs to once more carry her weight as she stumbled, before finally getting face to face with the bane of her existence.
“Alright, you got me out of my bed, at least. Is that piece of paper my eviction notice? Because I’m not exactly sure if this is legal otherwise.”
Twilight ignored the possible legal ramifications of kicking her friend out as she levitated the leaflet towards her unicorn friend. The aura around the paper switched colour from a light lavender to a more blueish hue, as it exchanged metaphorical hands.
Villain's Night!
Big Bads get a free drink!
Are you a former foe? A villain who has turned their back on their ways and embraced Harmony? Are you also feeling like there's nopony around to understand your plight in your attempts to change your ways?
Then come on down to The Salt Lick this Friday night for Villain's Night! Not only will this be an exclusive event for erstwhile evils, but all drinks will be half price! So come on down, meet new friends and get absolutely blackout drunk so I can recoup the losses!
Foamy Top reserves the right to to enforce a two-drink minimum on all new patrons of The Salt Lick and may or may not be hosting this in order to have one last ditch effort at keeping the place alive.
Starlight's eyes stopped scanning the flyer and looked towards her mentor/friend. Judging by the happier look on her face, she could tell that some levity had been achieved. Good lord, was she smiling?
"So... What do you say?" Twilight asked, her grin widening into something possibly psychotic that caused Starlight to instinctively scoot back a little.
"I've still got a few days to mull it over, Twilight. I'll let you know then."
Twilight's face fell. "Starlight. It's Friday."
Oh. Had she really been locked up in here that long? "Well then... Guess I should go." before hopping off of her bed with a satisfying CLUNK as her hooves hit the floor, leaflet flying with her due to magic, before slowly trotting past her teacher/buddy and out of the door.
Twilight's facade finally gave as soon as she could no longer hear the hoofsteps of her former rival/student/possible lover and she collapsed upon the bed in which she had laid in not minutes ago.
"Princess Celestia must have had the patience of a saint when I was a filly." she contemplated to herself. "Now I hope she doesn't end up costing me more Bits..."
The night air was crisp as Starlight trotted out of the large crystalline castle. The wind ruffled through her mane, while the sounds of a typical Friday night occurred in Ponyville. Ponies passed by, exchanging stories of events gone by during the week, and many bouts of laughter and embarrassment were had. Ever since becoming Twilight’s full time student, Starlight had wanted to get in on this action out of a sense of loneliness and slight jealousy for what they had. Despite what she told herself, a small part of her still wanted to tear friendships apart out of spite and bitterness.
These thoughts were quickly interrupted by Starlight meandering into a wooden door, eliciting a noise similar to tapping wood against wood, as her horn bounced off of it, causing her to fall onto her behind. Rather conveniently, it also happened to be the place where she was instructed to go, judging by the worn sign hanging nearby simply reading “The Salt Lick.”
A moment passed, as Starlight got back up onto her hooves, before the small slit in the door suddenly slammed open, a pair of brown eyes staring at the mare. “What do you want?” it said, in a timbre voice. Either a male or a very unlucky female was behind that door, then.
“Uhh, my “friend”, Twilight Sparkle told me to come here and-”
Starlight was cut off as the slit closed, followed by the door opening inwards, leading the body attatched to the eyes that were starting at her not a moment ago to step out, revealing his scruffy brown mane and dull yellow coat. Stepping out a little further, the dim lighting of the establishment inside revealed his cutiemark; a mug with some froth on top, possibly cider judging by how he smelled slightly of apples.
“Okay, “Miss Glimmer,”” he said, taking time to analyse her as he trotted around the mare, taking her in at all angles. “I need to ask you a few questions. Policy for first timers to prevent any... Dopplegangers from entering, if you catch my drift.”
Starlight felt very uncomfortable at this point, but let him proceed with his questioning with a simple and clean nod.
“What is your name?” The strange stallion asked.
“Starlight Glimmer.”
“Why are you here, on this particular night?”
“Because my tutor/friend/princess/landlady demanded me to otherwise she would throw me out.”
“What is love?”
“... Baby don’t hurt me?”
He nodded sagely, “Fair enough then. You gave some honest answers, at least. Name’s Foamy Top. Owner of The Salt Lick and personal Reformed Rehaber of Princess Twilight Sparkle. Good to meet you! He said happily, holding out a hoof in a gesture of greetings, which was then shaken by Starlight before both hooves returned to their owners. Foamy Top then started to walk into the place he called home, with Starlight following suit, before the door shut again, hiding what lruked within to all but the few who dared inquire within...
The pair of ponies stolled into the dank, dim bar, the light barely lighting the centre of the room, leaving most of the tables off nearer to the walls in darkness, although Starlight could make out some shapes hiding there. She didn’t really want to make a bad first impression though, so she simply followed Foamy Top to the main bar and took a seat on a stool. It was empty, leaving her and the barkeep to talk it out.
“So...” Foamy Top started the conversation between patron and bartender “What would you like? We got Sweet Apple Acres cider, imported Yakyakistan mead, Griffonstone ale and good old Manechester beer.” Starlight noted the variety in drinks, before settling on her choice.
“I’ll take some cider, please. Might try that Manechester brand beer later on, but for now I just want to get comfortable with this place, if that’s alright.”
Foamy Top gave a reassuring smile “The customer is always right. So do you want Apple Bloom, Applejack or Big Mac?”
Starlight stared at the bartender for a second. “I thought this was a villain’s only night? Unless the Apples were some sort of tyrincal apple empire before Twilight freindship’d them or something!”
Foamy Top stared back before bursting into laughter. “Okay, okay. That’s the first time I’ve heard that response to the question! While the Apples still have a major stranglehold on alcohol based products in the local area, (Which is probably why my business is dying in the first damn place, but details.) I was referring to the type of Sweet Apple Acres Cider you wanted. Applebloom is the no alcohol version for foals, Applejack is the standard cider they do, and Big Mac is for ponies who just want to forget the last 12 hours of their life. Really strong that last one. Can knock out a Yak in 5 mugs.”
After some very brief contemplation on her part, Starlight decided on the standard Applejack type. “So you just want to get buzzed then? Can’t blame you, don’t want to make a bad first impression and all.” Foamy said, filling a wooden mug with Applejack’s cutiemark embedded on it to the top, with foam sticking out of it just like his own cutiemark before handing it to the sober Starlight. “That’ll be two Bits.”
Starlight froze. She completely forget her wallet in her rush to get away from Twilight. She couldn’t exactly go back now, could she? Noting her apparent unease, Foamy Top held up a hoof. “This happens a lot, I’ll put it on your tab. I’ll probably end up sending to Twilight herself, judging by the rumours that you’re her protégé/love interest.”
The fact that her drinks were now free did not help the sudden burning sensation in Starlight’s face as Foamy Top chuckled and jot down some noted on a nearby scroll. “As I said, only rumours. You should see what they say about your relationship with that Trixie chick...”
Taking a long drink of cool cider, Starlight’s face decided to stop doing an impression of Tirek’s lovely skin colour as the aforementioned Trixie strolled in through the front door, although Starlight didn’t notice this due to the aforementioned drinking.
“Give me the usual, Foamy. The day I’ve had with this costume on...” Trixie’s voice had an unnatural bile to it for some reason. That’s not including the fact that she was supposed to be out of town, but priorities.
As the new mare sat down next to Starlight, she gave her a quick once over before turning to Foamy. “Looks like this disguise won’t work here anymore, then?”
Foamy simply decided to stay out of this after giving Trixie her drink. From what Starlight could see, it was a strange, nectar-like substance. Then, like any absolutely normal illusionist, Trixie erupted into green flames, before revealing her true form: Chrysalis.
“Hey, it’s the mare who ruined my life. How are YOU doing?” She said, the hatred dripping in her words. Or that might have been the nectar. Hard to tell.
Starlight, clearly unfazed by having her enemy just appear out of nowhere after being disguised as her marefri- friend who happened to be a mare, did the most sensible thing someone in her position would do: Fall backwards and panic.
Noting the prone pony’s paranoia, Chrysalis decided to pick her back up using her magic and set her back on the stool. “Yes, I swore revenge on you all that time ago and all, but this is the one place in Equestria where I’m not immediately thrown out, even undisguised. I’d like to keep it that way.” She held out a holey hoof. “Truce?”
Still feeling uneasy about this, Starlight’s hoof was shaky as she shook hooves with Chrysalis. “Truce. So how have you been, aside from losing everything?”
Chrysalis cracked a smile. “Oh, I could taste the bitterness in that statement. Let me guess, you had the same thing happen to you? Go on, this place is a haven for scum and villainy such as myself, I’ll never tell.”
Starlight never actually thought about how her and Chrysalis’ lives lined up. They both had their homes destroyed and their lives ruined by some do-gooder hero and swore revenge on the main perpetrator of their fall. She finished off her mug. “Another cider please. Make it a Big Mac.”
Foamy nodded, although his eyes betrayed his neutral and stoic expression. While he did expect Chrysalis to turn up tonight (She was one of the few regulars, even when it wasn’t Villain's Night, due to how he really didn’t care how evil someone was. Just pay your tab and don’t wreck the joint.) but her turning up as Trixie and having Starlight suddenly turn up did worry him a bit. The two getting on? With Chrysalis being the one to solve this?
If nothing else, this was one roller-coaster of emotions. He did however, find himself tuning out the two mares conversing. Thankfully for the audience, Chrysalis was a keen listener.
“I really did believe in this crazy Equality nonsense back about a year ago, though. I spent years working on the perfect cutiemark removal spell, testing it on unsuspecting ponies Many a day was wasted destroying cutiemarks, when I could have been helping ponies realize their talent...”
“Hmm, like the Cutie Mark Crusaders, by any chance? I had them captured once for my first revenge scheme,* annoying as they were, I did hear that they eventually got their cutiemarks through helping some other foal (Who really struck me as a potential protégé and my Plan B before she was “reformed.”) which is nice, I suppose. Glad to see that you beat them to it with a more evil version of cutiemark magic.”
Starlight was intrigued, ecstatic even. Finally, a pony (or changeling in this case) who wasn’t judging her for her actions and actually talking about her own villainy as well! Or that might just be the cider. Damn, Foamy was not lying when he said this was strong.
“Hmm, if I knew more about them back then, I might have incorporated that into my revenge scheme instead of time travel. Protip: Never screw with time travel. I had the feeling that I changed this timeline somehow for weeks, but I can’t quite put my hoof on it.”
“Well Starlight, your mere presence in the past probably caused some kind of uh... Fluttershy effect, was it called?” said a voice from out of nowhere that both mares recognized.
Foamy Top rolled his eyes. “Welcome back, Discord.”
“Oh Foamy, you silly old goose!” Discord flamboyantly said whilst appearing in an explosion of candy clouds, before daintily floating down onto his stool. “You say that like you don’t want me here!”
“Well, aside from you never paying your tab, bringing your own drinks instead of buying mine and generally being a pain in my flank, I wonder why I would dislike you.” Foamy Top retorted sarcastically, pointing to a scroll that was larger than the other scrolls combined.
Discord himself seemed unfazed by the rather large tab. “Oh please, Foamy, you’re only grumpy because Appleoosa sued you over the naming rights of “The Salt Lick”, aren’t you?”
Foamy sighed in resignation. “Well yeah, that’s part of why I’m in such dire straits. They called their place the Salt Block, and yet they’re still trying to sue me over this! It’s not my fault that they live in the middle of nowhere now, isn’t it? At least MY saloon isn’t in a desert full of wild west stereotypes and is practically dead during tourist season!” Foamy Top ranted, not taking a single breath as the three patrons stared at him with worry in their eyes. “Anyway, planning on counter-suing once this is over for such a ridiculous and pointless case in the first place. That should help recoup most of my losses.”
Starlight nodded respectfully “I’m not a lawyer, but I think Twilight has some books on Equestrian Law up in her castle. Could read up on those and see if I can’t represent you in court or something?” she offered.
Discord pulled the surprised Starlight into an uncomfortable embrace “D’aww, I always knew you had a heart of gold, even when you were evil!”
Starlight, being unable to breathe due to Discord’s show of friendship, had no response. Chrysalis looked in in horrified fascination. “Hmm, never thought of choke holds.”
After what felt like forever, Discord gently put down the suffocating Starlight, allowing her to breathe in the musky fumes of the bar once again. Never has fermented apple cider tasted so sweet. Well, sweeter than it already was, anyway.
After taking a few moments to inhale, Starlight finally climbed back onto her stool. To the surprise of no-one, she also took a second to slap Discord in the face. “That is NOT how you treat a lady. Fluttershy would be ashamed!”
Rubbing his reddened cheek with his paw, Discord sighed in resignation “I suppose not.” His grin turned devilish. “But Fluttershy isn’t here, is she?” before attempting to lunge for a second crushing hug.
Key word being attempt, mainly because Starlight had anticipated his attack and shielded herself, taking a drink from her mug as she did so. After Discord harmlessly bounced off of the magical barrier she gave Discord a pitying look. “Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice... Then I deserve it.”
Discord rubbed his snout as he finally decided to stop messing around and just sit on a stool. “Barkeep, one Apple Bloom cider please. Put it on my tab.”
Foamy Top complied, unfurling a very long scroll named “Discord’s Tab.” Starlight could make out a few things (What especially peaked her curiosity was “Poko.” Looked expensive.) but for the more part, it was angry scribblings from an angry barkeep. Probably due to how much his bar tab was.
“I still don’t know why I serve you, Discord. I really, really don’t.” he said, probably not for the first time either. After noting the drink and refurling the scroll in a surprising show of speed and accuracy, he then got a small mug with no cutie-mark embedded on it and filled it with cider before handing it to the Lord of Chaos. “Enjoy! Or choke on it, I don’t really mind.”
Discord gave a friendly grin. “You say that every time, Foamy. One of these days I expect an actual apple to choke on. Then I’ll take you up on that offer. Until then, let me enjoy my alcohol-free cider.” Noting the incredulous stares from the other two ponies at the bar, he continued “Unlike some reckless ponies around here, I need to fly back to Fluttershy’s once I’m done here. Can’t get done for Flying Under Influence by the fuzz again.” he said before donning a fuzzy police hat, complete with flashing light.
Starlight chuckled at the imagery. For all his faults, Discord could be funny when he wanted to be. There were more pressing matters, though. “So uh, remember before we started this entire discussion? About the Fluttershy effect or whatever you called it? Tell me more!”
Discord pondered, using his claw to strike a ponderous pose whilst drinking his cider in a thought-provoking manner. “Ah yes, that. Honestly, I couldn’t think of a better way to interrupt your “banter”. I never really intended it to be a topic of discussion. Especially with mortals...”
Starlight frowned. “Excuse me? I’m one of the greatest mages of our time! I am the mare who broke time itself! I am the pony who enslaved an entire town using nothing but sweet talk and a simple cutiemark replacement spell! I AM THE STUDENT OF PRINCESS TWILIGHT HERSELF! IF I WANTED TO, I COULD BEND TIME TO MY OWN WILL AND BECOME “IMMORTAL” MYSELF, YOU HACKNEYED CHAOS DEITY! DON’T YOU “MORTAL” ME WHEN I COULD TWIST YOUR BODY INTO FORMS SO TWISTED AND PAINFUL, THAT YOU WOULD RUE THE DAY THAT YOU BECAME IMMORTAL AND WISH FOR THE SWEET RELEASE OF DEATH, ALL BECAUSE YOU FUCKED WITH STARLIGHT GLIMMER!”
The bar fell silent. One of the figures draped in shadow trotted up to the bar, three empty mugs in tow balanced on her head, her purple and teal pigtails bouncing along with her. “Three more ciders. Also tell that stupid unicorn to shut up, we’re plotting our reve- I mean just trying to enjoy our night out.” she stated flatly, some malice and bile in her voice as her purple eyes met Starlight’s blue eyes. “Poser.”
Starlight scoffed at her would be challenger. “Bitch please, I could take you without moving from this stool. Archmage, remember?” she gloated, tapping her horn.
The other pony simply ignored that statement before paying for the 3 ciders and carefully going back to her table. Starlight swore she could hear her mutter “Fuckin’ wannabes.” before an unknown voice from the table chirped up.
“Aria, you can’t just blow up at ponies like that. We’re supposed to be incognito. Doubly so when her lapdog is here. She could be spying on us, or anything.”
“Oh no, some Twilight wannabe is sucking up to Her Royal Highness by being her personal spy! Whatever shall we do? I could take her.” Aria snarked back.
“No. You can’t. No magic, remember?” the voice objected.
“Whatever. We’d have Canterlot High eating out of the palms of our hands-”
“Hooves. We’re ponies now.”
“HOOVES if it wasn’t for Sunshit Shimmer and her singing magic. What did those Rainbooms have that we didn’t, anyway?”
“Aria, we talked about this. We lost fair and square in a magical music battle of the bands. Let it go.”
A third voice cut in. “Oh! Oh! Can I have a line too?”
A hoof audibly hit a muzzle. “You two are the worst.”
The night went on. Stories were exchanged, hijinks were had and overall, everyone had a good time. All good things must come to an end, however.
"Last call, mates. What do you want before I close up?" Foamy said, starting to clean up the place as he looked at his 3 remaining patrons.
"You know what?" Starlight spoke up. "Fuck it, last round's on me. Give me 3 Manechester beers and put it on my tab."
Chrysalis and Discord were surprised, but a free drink was a free drink. Foamy set about pouring in the tangy liquid into mugs with a smaller mug embedded on it. "Manechester is a funny place, you know. It's like Manehatten, but smaller and more violent. Not the best place to grow up, but you learn to grow a spine there." Foamy said, almost nostalgically, "It's probably why I import the stuff, actually. Always nice to have a taste of home with you."
As the three former villains took a drink, they marvelled at the sheer bitterness of the flavour, the kick it had. It's certainly different from cider, at least.
Simultaniously finishing their swig, all three had a different reaction.
Chrysalis looked like she was hit by a carriage.
Discord was remarkably stoic.
Starlight was smacking her lips, trying to get used to the aftertaste.
Smiling, Foamy poured himself a beer too. "Ah fuck it, I'll join you three. To drinking with friends!"
All three proceeded to chant "To drinking with friends!" before toasting their drinks by tapping the mugs against each others, before taking one long swig to finish their drinks.
"Probably not a good idea to drink it all at once, but whatever floats your boats. You three stay safe now, you hear?"
"Yes Mr Foamy sir. I'll try not to destroy anything on my way home." Starlight said, tongue firmly in cheek.
"I suppose I've had enough to drink anyway. That and I'm probably too drunk to keep a disguise on long enough to sap any love." Chrysalis slurred, the alcohol getting to her faster.
Discord for his part, looked relatively sober. "It's a bit easier to get home when you can just snap your talons and be there in a flash, but the last time I tried that while inebriated, I ended up possessing a Highlord and did some spacewar stuff before eventually managing to teleport back to my own dimension without killiing the poor blighter." Discord mused. "I certainly hope that Fluttershy didn't lock me out again." he muttered to himself, before leaving his stool and heading for the door, before spawning a fancy jacket and top hat. "I bid you ladies (And Foamy) farewell." before snapping his talons and disappearing.
Chrysalis also headed for the door. "See you Starlight. Remember, horrific vengeance!" before leaving herself.
That just left Starlight and Foamy. "What? Get the hell out of my bar." Foamy said rather bluntly. Starlight decided to obey, trotting towards the door. "Be seeing you around Foamy. Just... Don't forget your roots, okay?"
Foamy was silent for a moment. "I'll never forget, Starlight. You stay safe too."
Starlight then embraced the crisp nighttime air, as she left Foamy to head back to the castle. She did regret not bringing a jacket, but she would manage as she trotted towards the large, garish beacon of light that was home.
Starlight mused over her final words to Foamy. "Don't forget your roots..." Why did she say that? Obviously he was born and raised in Manechester, but he seemed pretty aware of where his roots lied, considering he had Manechester beer to serve and at least some knowledge of the area.
Starlight, for the second time that night, managed to accidentally bump her horn into the castle. This time it was a lot more painful, but she resisted the urge to yell out in pain. It was late anyway. Reaching her hoof towards the crystaline door, she turned it...
And nothing happened.
Confused, she let go of the door, before it opened itself. Which was entirely due to the alicorn waiting on the other side.
"Hi Starlight! How was your night?" Twilight exclaimed, letting her student/friend/former rival/that mare who she had weird dreams about in to escape the cold, before closing the door with a quiet clunk.
"I-it went... F-fine Twilight." Starlight slurred, the alcohol kicking in now.
"Sounds like you had a good time, then. Want me to help you to your bed?" Twilight asked helpfully.
"Can't hurt."
And so, two of the most powerful mages in Equestria headed to Starlight's room, Twilight making sure Starlight didn't fall over with a gentle wing on her back. It was more of a soothing thing than a helpful thing, but as the Princess of Friendship, the two tend to overlap far more than most ponies care to guess.
"I assume your bar bill was quite large then?"
"Hey, it's going to be sent to you, so..."
Twilight gave a grin. "I expected that, you freeloader. Just remember to take your wallet next time, eh? Don't want Celestia to think that your mentor and friend has a drinking problem. I've heard horror stories about Ciderholics Anonymous..."
Starlight gave a stupid, drunken smile. "I suppose I could use my own bits next time. But isn't Celestia a cake addict?"
"That's just a rumor, Starlight. She does enjoy cake a bit much, though..."
After some awkward silence, they had reached their destination: Starlght's bedroom, which was decorated with nick-nacks such as kites, photos of her friends, anti-equality propaganda, a scrying spell to spy on her...
What, did you think Twilight could just install a spell designed to spy on her without her noticing? The sentiment was appreciated, so she didn't disable it. She just installed one in Twilight's room instead. Take that, mentor!
More importantly, was Starlight's bed. The place where this all started, and the place that this ends. Starlight flopped down into her cosy mattress, before her quilt slid over her, encasing her in a cosy tomb in which she would never want to escape.
"Goodnight Starlight." Twilight said softly.
For her part, Starlight was already fast asleep, snoring very loudly. Twilight was just glad she put Starlight somewhere not close to her. Snoring can be really distracting. She looked cute though. Very, very cute.
Twilight gave a yawn. It was late and waiting for Starlight had taken a toll on her, so it was time for her to go to dreamland too. Leaving the room, she quietly closed the door, just as the author closes the book on their tale.
