The Only Fun Chapter Edited
Kelly rested on his coach, breathing deeply after a long day's work. He helped around Ponyville doing various jobs, some small, while others were moving heavy objects for various people, mostly people moving in from Earth to Equestria. He didn’t mind the extra work, meant more pay in the bank, however, it does take a toll when one has to move a giant coach or bloody bed the size of Rosie O'donnell. It was ridiculous, a couple wanting to have a fat queen size bed and having to squeeze that sucker up a narrow staircase was a chore amongst itself. Despite the pain and sore muscles he knew of one special pony who was all so suited for this situation.
Fluttershy, he thought, as he stretched himself along the length of the coach. He always enjoyed the back massages she gives. He had been seeing her for some time, mostly because of the constant pain that comes with moving new people’s things into their the neighborhood. Because of the grand tasks of things, his body was drained every time. Fluttershy, who happened to see him while holding onto his back like an old man, saw the discomfort and offered to help him. Kelly didn’t knew what to think of it as first, and kindly turned her down. Although, when he tried to walk away, his lower back screamed in pain. Like his lower back was normal, health, and strong and no problems whatsoever. But then, once taking that first step, the next thing he knew the muscles contract,lower muscle spazz out and he’s left curling into a ball in the middle of the street. Seeing his plight Fluttershy had immediately went to his aid.
Since then, it just became routine.
After work hours Fluttershy would come visit his home to give a back massage for at least thirty minutes, sometimes to an hour. Every time she has come over he always offered to pay her for her kindness, but she refused, saying that she felt obligated to help anyone in need, particularly those who are hurt. He could assume that he fit the bill, for she had been doing this for a over a month now, and he really enjoyed these little visits. He wanted to do something special for her. He could think a number of things, such as going out to see a movie, have a picnic, give her a massage in return.
In a way it’s like a date, he thought once again, imagining the possibilities, only to face palmed himself.
You idiot of course it would be a date, he though. He was cautioned on that bit, including that he might rattle her on the subject, especially considering that they have been seeing each other for a month. It be like forcing two birds in the same cage together and all they would ever do would hiss at one another, or saying that Justin Beiber and Miley Cyrus got together.
It just doesn't happen.
As he wondered about the possibilities of hoping to repay her, he heard the ever familiar knock on the door.
“Coming,” he called out, heading toward the door, expecting the ever so considerate and gentle Fluttershy to be right at the door. As soon as he opened the door he opened his arms, ready to be given a hug of utmost affection.
That would have happened, if he hadn't felt a direct hit into his gut.
He hit the floor hard and the wind knocked out of him. He blinked once and looked to see Fluttershy was on top of him. His first instinct was to push her off, but he saw that frighten look in her eyes and he hesitated. Also, secondly, it would be really rude to push a girl in this precarious position. As Fluttershy locked eyes with him tears began to form in her eyes.
“Oh Kelly, I’m sorry. Please, I need your help.”
Pinch me, I’m dreaming, he thought, his mind turning to dirty things, but was instantly snapped out of it as she grabbed him by the end of his shirt and pulled upward.
“Hey, where’s the fire?” he asked, unsure what to make of all of this as she tried to pull him towards the door.
“There's no fire, it’s much worse,” she replied, almost in a panicked like state. He tried to calm her by placing a hand on her head, and she instantly froze on contact. Seeing the moment, he turned her head until she was meeting his eyes.
She looked so adorable when flustered.
“Can you please tell me what’s wrong,” he calmly said, allowing Fluttershy to take a breath and to explain herself.
“My friends and I were at the local studio helping set up a promotion when two men came in with a camera. They began saying things to us, saying they practically knew all of us and how people should get to know them. Everypony began talking and the men kept giving them provocative questions. They said things like shipping, popularity, even made a mean reference referring to a close friend of mine.” she said, as Kelly thought back to who her friends were.
“I think I do recall your friends. They’re the one’s you hang out the most right?” he asked, as she nodded.
“Yes, your right. Anyway as their camera began rolling, they began to change. I saw them turn on each other, speaking harsh things to one another and rhyming all the time. They were all okay before but now they are like this, I just don’t know what to do.”
Why is she still adorable when she looks upset, “He thought as he continued to try and ease her discomfort, and almost paying attention to her predicament.
“Alright, I can help, you can take me to them.” he said, not that he didn’t mind, but he knew if he helped he can get that massage a little later.
“Really, you’ll help?” she said with a hopeful smile, that looked like that would give him diabetes. Kelly looked at her as she grinned from ear to ear, while her tail swished back and forth like a little puppy. She would be the death of him if he kept staring.
“Yep, I’ll help, let's go!” he said, as he grabbed her by the hoof and went out the door, but just stop short when he turned to her and gave a little awkward smile.
“Um, where is the studio exactly?”
****
About twenty minutes later, and a small amount of apologies to the ponies they accidentally ran into, they were soon near the studio. Like seriously they were in a rush but it's hard to say sorry to every pony who is minding their own business and expect everything to go there way. Like a black Friday sale and everyone is pushing their way into to get the best deals.
It’s hard to please everybody, Kelly thought as he continued to run alongside Fluttershy. The studio came to view and Fluttershy gave a small, yet utterly cute, gasp as she got close.
“That’s the place, let's hurry!” Fluttershy said, doubling her speed as she reached the door, and Kelly following in close behind her. They were inside and followed a few extra doors before he headed into what appeared to be a sound room. Inside he saw two guys working on the soundboard while another man was holding a camera pointing inside the studio. It was there that he saw Fluttershy’s friends, and they looked pissed. Like very pissed, more upset than when one has to wait in line for a hot meal at a fast food place, only to end up getting their order cold and soggy.
No one likes cold food from a fast food place, unless its a salad.
“Girls!” Fluttershy said, as she went over to the door and tried to open it.
“Ah there she is, let her in.” one of the guys spoke. A sliding door opened, making Fluttershy fall inside the studio with the others, and the door quickly sealing her inside.
“Hey!” Kelly said, watching Fluttershy scared inside the room as her friends stared at her with menacing glares. “You let her go right now!” Kelly said, wanting to help Fluttershy, but also wanting her for the massages. The two guys on the council lifted their headphones and took a good look at him.
“Ah who the hell are you?” the tall guy with the fuzzy beard spoke.
“Can’t you see we’re going to be recording!” the short guy with a bald head spoke next, ready to press a big red recording button on the soundboard.
“You have friends of mine that don’t want to be here. Let them go,” Kelly said as the two men looked at each other and just laughed it off.
“Let them go? We’ve got the biggest hit in rap songs right here!” The tall guy laughed it off as he place his headset back on.
“We’re doing work of art. Why don’t you skedaddle and disappear.” The short guy said as he motioned to the camera man, who nodded in turn. Kelly took a step forward to stop them, but a large arm was wrapped around him and he stopped in his tracks. He looked up to see a big muscle man holding him back and was ready to take him away. When the inner studio turned dark and the only light was focused on the six ponies inside.
Kelly couldn’t do anything but watch as everything unfolded before him.
“Lights! Camera! Action!” the two men said in unison. Multiple cameras turned on, showing different angles of the room and a Kelly could see a microphone inside for all the ponies to speak into.
“Epic Rap Battles of History!” The voice on the intercom spoke, and the lights were focused on the main six inside.
“Twilight Sparkle!” The light focused on Twilight.
“VS, Applejack!” The voice gave a exaggerated yell as another light focused on the earth pony. Kelly could only gave a look of uneasy to Fluttershy as she looked about ready to cry, and he could only watch on as Twilight began to speak.
"Begin!"
Twilight
So let me get this straight, I’m fighting a farm pony?
Well that should be easy, for I know she is a phony.
My rhyming is superb and my lyrics are just,
You are nothing like your parents stardust.
I’m incomprehensible, my words flow like wine.
I’m the princess in Equestria, I know I’m devine.
Let me explain to you about my nature, I know it well
My magic is all powerful, so why not fall under my spell.
Your primitive, limited, your entire family dimwitted
I’m the purest bred here and I am unlimited!
Your stubbornness overtakes you, you're the worst of the bunch
Why don’t you wander over here and get suckerpunched!
No as I end my duel, seeing as how I’m already beginning
Bend your knee so you can see, that I'm already winning
Maybe the next time you see me, you can be a bit more gracious.
Now gaze upon my flank and bask in it’s greatness.
Twilight bended down and showed her flank off against Applejack and Kelly blinked in surprise.
In a way, this is going to be good. He thought as Applejack gave a hearty laugh.
Applejack
Twilight, the rapper. Well that is new.
You're the princess of magic, not some Shrew
Maybe I’m wrong, though I’m staring at a royal fanny
Your words are pitiful, I hear more curses from my Granny
You think my family dumb? Well that just take the cake
You should spend less time with Spike, the silly Drake
Also get your head out of those books, don't be a wight
Your skin is turning pale, girl you really need some light.
I know, I’m sorry, this my honesty speaking
At least I stand up against ponies who are darn cheating
Maybe you should follow my lead, stead of getting hopes up.
Why don’t you go to your brother, I’m sure he’s readying the stirrup
Kelly winced at the rhyming and it was gritty and mean, but another pony, and a pink one at that, stepped in that made the others turn.
Oh this is awesome! he thought as she began her rap.
Pinkie Pie
Oh knock it off, gals this is really no fun.
Applejack you're hogging the spotlight, and your liked by no one.
Stallions wouldn’t go for you, you're really just plain
Your words make me cringe, they just slip down the drain.
Also, doesn't anypony ever ask
Why no stallion would compete to such a mighty task?
Your scare them away with just your swagger and looks
I think you're the least dateable pony for the record books.
And Twilight, the starlight, now that’s a big laugh
You're so full of yourself, I can see every gaffe
The lights, the fame, it’s all just a flop
Celestia should kick you out, finally get the chop
Your a bookworm, yet stallions love it, it's pathetic
Your oblivious to them, maybe it's just your genetic
Also learn this, my brilliance, for my unfunny friend
Pinkamena Pie is here to make your dreams end.
This Pinkie Pie really had some spunk and Kelly kinda enjoyed the rhymes, but he kept noticing Fluttershy had her ears down and was crying at seeing her friends fight. It felt like watching a puppy seeing its own kind being kicked around. The lights soon flickered and the white Unicorn step forward, in a very elegant dressed as well.
Rarity
Brilliance? Please, that is a big word
Your are lowborn, things you say are quite absurd.
Maybe you need a lesson, in proper etiquette
You all should hear as well, for I’m far more elegant
Every single phrase a painting you're all just so desolate not great
Ponies should get the news, none of you are really straight
I shall wipe away the slate, for the last and final time.
I’m more loved by everypony, dropping critically acclaimed rhymes
Bend low before the Rarity, for you are all the worse combined
I’m the fashionista of fashion, so kiss my beautiful behind!
Kelly blinked in surprise, now that was a serious burns, but something made them all look up when a blue pegasus with a rainbow mane spoke out and was turning things up.
Rainbow Dash
Whoa, whoa, back up buttercup
You think your all haughty, let me tell you what’s up.
You all suck, your garbage, your rhyming makes me cringe
I’ll show you why I’m better and why you're all unhinged.
I soar through the skies, I’m higher then all of you
Your like little ants, I don’t have to listen to you spew
I give ponies what they love, and soar to new heights
I wouldn’t want to be the pony who has to watch your highlights
I’m Rainbow Dash, who doesn't crash, I’m the real winner here
Better ponies can play you then some stupid puppeteers
You girls are all lame, this stage is my fame.
I know I’m awesome, for this is my game!
AJ is bland, Twilight is a bloak
Rarity you're crazy, and Pinkie you're a joke
My awesome wings beat with every stroke
I’m amazing, fantastic, awesome, I can’t be revoked
Also one more thing, before I begin my sequel
When it comes to popularity, nopony is my equal!
She rose her hooves in the air, seem to be dominating this battle. But as everything seem to end, and the two jackasses who seem to be enjoying all of this hurtful banter, the girls were ready to make another go at each other. However, they did not expect the yellow pegasus to give her voice into the mix, and had a determined look in her eye to set things right.
And what she said next made Kelly’s heart burst for her.
Fluttershy:
Stop! Stop, Stop these hurtful and hateful rhymes
Why do we fight? What happened to the good times?
We have our friendships that a strong when we’re together
Every lesson learned when we send the princess a letter.
You may not care for what I say, you may scream rant and hiss
But you all have unique qualities, so please let me spell out the list.
Twilight your are element of magic, and that is your game,
But there is something more to it, not just for fame.
You help solve problems and are a exceptional reader
But when fixing the complications you’re a excellent leader
What makes you truly shine is what makes up in the end
The ponies you associated with become your greatest friends.
To Applejack who is a prodigy and all so modesty
Let me explain to you why you're the element of Honesty
You tell the truth even in the face of adversity
When others speak against, you stand up so perfectly
Your hard work and labor helps others who are in agony
But you shine most of all when you help your friends and family.
Pinkie Pie, you are the funniest of us all
So let me tell you why Laughter is your greatest call
You brighten up our day even when we're sad or blue
You make a foal laugh even if they have a flu
Your jokes and simple gags always give a kicker
But your kind love for other makes you a real winner
Rarity, the clarity, the most sincere in charity
Let me tell you why you're the element of Generosity
When the critics go against you, you stand tall and just
You share many things and you make others feel like stardust
When you share your small council, you’re the tip of the spear
Your willingness to give compassion makes you pony of the year
Finally our friend Rainbow Dash who is in the skies
Let me describe why your loyalty makes you fly
If there was a concert and a fire was at the show
You bravely charge in to save ponies you don’t even know
Your loyal, you're courageous, others look up, seeing you have spine
They are inspired by your works, that's why it makes you shine.
Now I know that I represent kindness, it is what I do
I merely wish to express my genuine thoughts with you
I know this is a rap battle, and say hateful words in the song
But I don’t want my words to hurt, can’t we all get along?
I know it’s near the end, and I have the final say
But if I was to say anything, I give my flutter… ah… YAY!
As soon as she finished the lights in the room sparked out. The camera also burst out and the film inside scattered onto the ground and was broken. Kelly found himself free as the big muscle mans was on the ground and clutching his chest, making a loud hnnng sound in the process. The other guys in the studio, including the short bald guy and the bearded one also fell to the ground, clutching their chest and appeared dazed by what Fluttershy just did. As the lights returned the other girls snapped out of their stupor and shook their heads, as if they were in a trance.They looked about the room as if for the first time, wondering how they got here.
“What happened?” Twilight asked, looking perplexed as to what happened.
“Beats me, ah don’t remember a thing.” Applejack replied, placing her stetson hat onto her head.
“I don’t about you girls but I look divine in this dress.” Rarity said, giving a whirl in her outfit.
“Why do I feel like I said something dirty and raunchy?” Pinkie Pie asked as she grabbed a soap bar out of her mane and began brushing her tongue with it.
“And why do I get the feeling that I was awesome then I was not?” Rainbow Dash asked, rubbing a hoof on the back of her head. As they stood around, wondering as to what happened Fluttershy came forward and gave a teary smile to her friends.
“I’m just glad you’re all okay.” she said, as the girls looked at her in confusion.
“You we’re all great!” Kelly said as he soon stood next to Fluttershy. He bended down to her as she gave a teary smile. She then hugged him and he gave one in return. The other girls didn’t quite understand what was going on, but they smiled knowing that he was comforting their friend.
To him this was the greatest moment of his life, knowing that the mare he really likes had such a tender heart for her friends. As he went to lift her up his back tingled and he cringed slightly as his muscles began to scream at him.
“Ah, Fluttershy? Can I get that massage now?”