Introduction
Twilight Sparkle stepped up to the lectern. Using her magic, she shuffled her notecards. She cleared her throat and then addressed the audience. "Hello, I'm Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship. On the eighth of October, the story Now What? was published. In that story the Cutie Mark Crusaders pulled a prank on Applejack and quickly learned their lesson. A little too quickly, in fact. They had learned their friendship lesson with more than five hundred words to go. As you all are aware, all reports concerning our friendship lessons must have a minimum of a thousand words. You can imagine our dismay when we realized how much we still had to fill in our official report."
"I'll say," came Rainbow Dash's voice from behind the curtain.
A visibly annoyed Twilight Sparkle moved to the next notecard and pressed on with her address. "Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and myself attempted to fill the remaining space to meet our quota. After several hours of effort, we had only hit seven hundred and fifty-six words, still well short of the minimum standard. It was at this point that Rainbow Dash left to get the one pony we knew would be able to fill empty space with ease... Pinkameana Diane Pie, or, as we all know and love her as, Pinkie Pie."
Though barely able to be seen under the curtain, Pinkie's hooves clopped with excitement.
Twilight Sparkle continued on, changing her notecard to keep her place. "Rainbow Dash was successful in locating Pinkie Pie at Sugarcube Corner and convinced her to come help us. The two raced back. Unfortunately, Pinkie Pie arrived at the very end and was unable to contribute to the thousand word requirement.
"Needless to say she was quite upset at missing out on such a fun and unique opportunity. I decided to rectify this omission by contacting the author. The wise, talented, amazing - Ooo. I almost revealed their name. Well, you all know them by their pen name of Dreadnought, taken from HMS Dreadnought, the first of the great battleships. The brainchild of First Lord of the Admiralty John "Jacky" Fisher, 1st Baron Fisher of Kilverstone. Laid down in 1905, she went to sea one year and a day after having her keel laid. This revolutionary warship -"
"Twilight!" came the hushed voice of Rarity from behind the curtain.
"Right, right. I'll have to give my lecture on the design and development of the HMS Dreadnought another day. Needless to say I can't wait to give you all a five hour lecture!" Her wings unfurled in excitement. "Ahem. Well, we contacted Dreadnought and they were willing to give space for Pinkie Pie to finally have a speaking role. Not that she hasn't had a speaking role in their other reports, such as Merry Christmas!!! and What About Us?. The author allotted a thousand words for Pinkie Pie to finally have her voice heard, so to speak. But before we bring her out, I think it would be appropriate for those of us who know her best to introduce Pinkie Pie.
"Pinkie Pie was the first pony I met when I arrived in Ponyville. She greeted Spike and I with a party at the Golden Oaks Library. Since then, we've become the best of friends. She has stood beside me through thick and thin. From memorable Grand Galloping Galas - "
Snickers could be heard coming from behind the curtain.
"- to the wedding between Prince Shining Armor and Princess Cadence to Discord's return and taking on Starlight Glimmer." Twilight paused as she realized she put her hoof in her mouth. "Nevertheless, she continued to be cheerful and make sure all those around her were happy. She deserves to be the Element of Laughter.
"Now, I think it's important to hear from somepony who knows her well."
Twilight stepped aside as Applejack reached the podium. "Howdy y'all. Pinkie Pie's my cousin. Well, actually my fourth cousin twice removed. We think. But she's an apple to the core. Like Twilight said, she's been with us through thick and thin. She even joined ma family on the road trip from Tartarus and still wanted to be a member of the family! Ain't that right Big Mac?"
"Eeyup."
"Well, we got to spend Hearth's Warming with the Pies, and she helped us feel like real members of the family. She's a great pony."
Applejack moved aside and Twilight stepped up. "Now we hear from Rainbow Dash."
Rainbow Dash came up. "Pinkie Pie is awesome! She's always there for you, and she's great at pranks. She pulled this awesome prank on me when she had me believing all of Ponyville had gone zombie. I'm going to do something awesome to get back on her! Uh- you didn't hear that."
Dash left and Twilight announced, "Now Fluttershy."
"Oh, um, Pinkie Pie is really nice."
"Is that all?" asked Twilight.
"Yes."
"Okay then. Now, Rarity."
"Pinkie and I just had a mission to Canterlot. A father and daughter were facing ruin. Nopony would eat at their restaurant, The Tasty Treat. I brought the crowds and Pinkie Pie made it the most beautiful and unique restaurant in all of Equestria. I'd just like to say it is an absolute pleasure to work with Miss Pie."
"Finally, we have her sister Maud," said Twilight.
"My sister is Pinkie Pie. She's really excited about this opportunity. That's all I have to say."
Twilight said, "Well, without further ado. Oh, all I have space to say is: 'April Fools!'"