Caramel and Big Macintosh have been dating for a little over two years now, and with the Apple Family Reunion approaching Big Macintosh struggles to decide if he's ready to invite Caramel and take their relationship to the next level.
Everything starts somewhere. Under the bark of a great tree you'll find where a sapling once began. The same can be said for all forms of life that to find out who they truly are, or where they began, you have to start at the roots. Deep in the soil they grow, and eventually blossom.
Caramel and Big Macintosh have been dating for a while. Two years to be exact. They've fallen into a routine of dates, romance, and finding time just to be with one another. Settling down might be seen as a negative to some, but it's comfortable for the two of them. The Apple Family reunion approaches quickly, set to take place for the first time in Appleloosa. Mac debates the question if he's ready to introduce Caramel to his extended family, and to take their relationship to a more serious level. During this, Caramel struggles to deal with an appearance of a letter on his doorstep. It's a letter that reminded him of the roots he abandoned, but never forgot.
Caramel stared out the window at the last traces of melting snow dripping from his rooftop. It was Spring, and Winter Wrap Up had just finished late in the week before. Normally all the snow would be gone by now, but the icicles that hung from his rooftop faced outward to a thicket of trees in such a way that it would be hard to see without simply landing and inspecting each house though rally. It was his own little personal reminder of winter that perhaps only his home possessed, quickly melting to catch up with the rest of Spring. If he were obsessed with perfection like Princess Twilight Sparkle was about the Wrap Up, he might have gone outside and knocked them down himself. But he liked the little reminder of the season change, and to see it naturally melt and fade away as the air gradually grew warmer. It was a distracter, and Celestia only knew how many of those he needed this morning.
Caramel’s cheek pressed down against the cold tile of the half counter half tabletop in the center of his and Sage’s kitchen. The smell of coffee was fierce in the air, strong in such a way that only Sage could handle. The smell of cooking food on the stovetop was alluring, but Caramel’s belly was too twisted up to even think about eating. He didn’t realize it until he heard Sage clear his throat, but he had been annoyingly and impatiently been tapping his hoof down against the floor for the past minute and a half.
“I don’t think I remember the last time you didn’t eat when I made food,” Sage said. Caramel tore his eyes away from the window and up to his brother to be greeted with a face that mirrored his own. The big blue eyes, the parted brown mane, and even the color of their fur matched. The only distinct difference between the two was the horn placed in the middle of Sage’s forehead. His brother had a cocky sort of teasing smile while Caramel groaned in response. “You sure you don’t want one of my hay bacon strips?”
“Mmm,” Caramel replied. It was vague and not really an answer, but it was the best he could do right now. He sat up with a bit of struggle and stared down at the tiled counter before tracing his hoof in small circles to keep himself busy.
“Am I dumb to be so worried?” Caramel asked suddenly. It had been a question weighing on his mind for a while. He wasn’t even sure if he was asking it seriously, or if he intended to at all. It sort of just slipped out.
“Yes,” Sage replied.
“Gee, don’t hesitate, tell me what you really think,” Caramel muttered.
“I’m just wondering,” Sage said through a mouth filled with a large bite from one of his hay bacon strips. His words were slightly muffled as he looked up from the newspaper laid out in front of him and spoke between sips of his coffee. “You’re going to ask me that how many more times before Mac gets here?”
That was a good question, one Caramel didn’t like to think about too much because it made his chest all tight. Maybe he was reading into it… okay, he knew he was reading into it. The last time he had seen Big Macintosh had been when he was helping him during Winter Wrap Up three days prior. It wasn’t uncommon for him to help around the farm the best he could, so helping that day felt like routine more than a chore. However when they parted and made plans for their next visit, something had stuck out.
“Let’s go somewhere Tuesday, alright? Bright an’ early. I wanna show you somethin’ special, Sugar Cube. It’s a surprise.”
Caramel had let those words pass without thought in the moment. At the time he had been thinking about the sweat making his mane look ragged and greasy and just how sore his legs would feel the following day. Maybe if he was thinking straight he might have been able to ask further questions. Maybe he wouldn’t be sitting here anxious for what felt like no apparent reason. It wasn’t like Mac to be so vague, because as far as he knew Mac wasn’t one for surprises. Mac was strict with plans, as he had to be given the fact he was always so busy on the farm. It was never vague, never winging it. Never… something special. He knew Mac near better than he knew himself, and this stuck out to him.
Maybe Sage was right and he was just being stupid. Caramel gnawed on his lip and let his teeth sink into a familiar position they had seemingly been glued to for the past three days. He didn’t know what to feel, which of course resulted in his default state of mind which was worry. Mac only beat around the bush when it was something bad, or something Caramel wouldn’t like. Why should he expect this to be any different?
“Maybe it’s a proposal,” Sage said. He said it so casually too, as though he were commenting on the weather.
“Huh?” Caramel almost yelped like a dog. “C-C’mon don’t joke about that! Mac wouldn’t… I mean… N-No way!”
This was usually the time where Sage chuckled and said he was just joking. Caramel had meant to tell his brother time and time again that somebody trained medically like a doctor really shouldn’t tell jokes, mostly because it was likely to scare the patients, but he had a feeling Sage wouldn’t listen. However, no humor was in his brother’s eyes when he looked up and stared at Caramel. In fact, all Sage did was shrug.
“I’m just saying,” Sage said in a matter of fact sort of tone which only made Caramel’s belly twist. “You two have been at it a while. Just let me know if I’ll be your best man, alright?”
There was a glint of humor finally, but not in the part of the sentence Caramel wanted to hear it. In fact all he did was bite his lip harder and stare down at the tiles on the counter. Was he ready for something like that? Did Mac think about that stuff? They had never talked about it seriously before because they were so comfortable in the routine they had developed.
Wait, why was he giving this serious thought? Caramel groaned and planted a hoof over his left eye.
“C’mon Sage, you don’t really think that…”
Caramel was interrupted by a knock at the door, one that made the fur on his tail stick up like a cat as he jumped. Sage chuckled at his reaction as Caramel scrambled out of his seat, nearly tripping but regaining balance at the last second. Last thing he needed was a giant bruise or bump to go along with his stress.
“Here comes the bride,” Sage began to sing in a teasing manner that urged Caramel very strongly to go over and smack him with the newspaper he was holding. He glared at Sage and that was enough to get him to shut up, but not stop smirking.
Caramel took a long, shaking sort of breath when he glanced out the window curtain and caught a glimpse at Big Macintosh. What normally made him feel warm and fuzzy now made his chest tighten with the lingering sensation of anxiety. He saw something very odd that caught him off guard, and it was the fact that Big Macintosh was carrying flowers. It wasn’t just something he looked to have picked up on the way here from the ground, but a professional looking arrangement of white tulips and red lily’s all mixed together. Mac wasn’t one for big and cliché gestures of romance. Caramel didn’t realize just how long he had been staring until Mac cocked his head slightly and caught sight of him. He smiled, and Caramel felt his heart give a single solid thump in his chest before he dove back behind the safety of the curtain.
“He has flowers,” Caramel mumbled aloud.
“That horrible stallion,” Sage said sarcastically. The unicorn’s attention was clearly focused on the newspaper in front of him and not his brother. “Break up with him instantly.”
Any other time Caramel might have found the nerve or motivation to glare in Sage’s general direction, but right now he was struggling just to remember to breathe. With great force he managed to take in a long, deep breath and move towards the direction of the door which he flung open a little too quickly to be natural.
“Hey Mac!” Caramel said. He tried to force a smile to mask his nerves, but if it looked fake Big Macintosh didn’t seem to notice by the way he kept smiling.
“Howdy, Sugarcube,” Big Macintosh said as he moved forward. Without hesitation he planted his lips on Caramel’s own and instantly Caramel was overwhelmed with an overpowering scent of cinnamon and apples. Strands of Mac’s mane ran down to his forehead and tickled, and Caramel realized that unlike usual the workhorse wasn’t greasy with signs of a long day of work. He had cleaned up, and clearly very thoroughly by the way Caramel couldn’t get a hint of his boyfriend’s usual sweat lingering under the normal apple smell.
“Hehe,” Big Macintosh actually giggled much like a filly when they parted lips. “I missed you, Sugar.”
“Uh, y-yeah,” Caramel nodded. He realized very fast this was a stupid response and felt his face grow warm. He lifted a hoof and placed it on Mac’s chest yet couldn’t look his boyfriend in the eye. “You too.”
The stupid response got stupider.
“I work third shift tonight!” Sage called. “So I’m not gonna be feeding you, Cara!”
“Guess I’m takin’ you home tonight,” Mac chuckled when he whispered into Caramel’s ear.
“I guess,” Caramel nodded, still desperately trying to say something more interesting. He felt silly for being so nervous. Mac had picked him up a hundred times before and he had long since stopped being so nervous and fidgety about everything. He felt as though he were physically reverting to two years ago, when the two had first started to go out together.
Caramel said his goodbyes to Sage and went out the door walking side by side with Mac. The spring air filled his lungs and the soft soil still wet with the last remnants of melting snow soaked into his hooves. He didn’t mind, though, for he preferred the sensation of mud to the sensation of frostbite. In fact, Caramel enjoyed a lot about Spring. Every year on the first day after Winter Wrap Up no matter where he had lived he always went out alone. Far from ponies, as far as he could reasonably go, just to take in the weather he had been waiting for since the first signs of snowfall.
This was the first year Caramel had waited. He didn’t want to do it alone anymore. He wanted Mac to be a part of the experience with him. He supposed this was close enough, though it was more than likely Mac had already taken in the beginning of Spring on his own.
Caramel was ripped from his thoughts by the sudden thud against his side of Mac’s entire body. It was light, playful, and strangely gentle given the sheer muscle mass of the workhorse.
“You okay, Sugarcube?” Big Macintosh asked.
Was it that obvious?
“Yeah,” Caramel nodded. He wasn’t sure if he was lying. The two had been walking for less than a minute. If he looked behind his shoulder he could still see his house. He wished that he hadn’t let Sage’s taunting about a proposal get so wrapped up in his nerves. He knew his brother was joking, but a little joke usually went a far way until proven false in Caramel’s mind.
Caramel was starting to get wrapped up again in his thoughts when he felt lips press down to his ear and pull. The hot breath of the workhorse tickled at his fur and made him giggle loudly as he lifted his hoof to push Mac away, but the red earth pony clung and wiggled his head around so the sensation only grew.
“C-C’mohohon you weirdo!” Caramel giggled.
“There’s my Sugar,” Mac said when he released his lips. His tone was soft and playful, but loving nonetheless. For just a moment Caramel thought himself silly to worry at all, and things were almost back to usual. He bumped into Caramel again, and this time Caramel bumped back. “You sure you’re fine?”
“Yeah,” Caramel nodded his head. The word came out a bit more confidently this time. “I just… I’m a little nervous, I guess. You don’t… usually do surprises.”
“Nope,” Big Macintosh shook his head. “Don’t worry so much, Sugar. I just want you to meet someponies, that’s all.”
“Huh?” Caramel asked. He eyed the flowers Big Macintosh was carrying again. He hadn’t realized it until now, but he had assumed they were for him. If they were though, Mac would have given them to him in the house so he could set them in water. If they weren’t meant for him, then the only question left was… who exactly were they for?
“I didn’t know we were meeting somepony,” Caramel mumbled. Mac must have been watching him closely as Caramel lifted a hoof to stroke at his own mane while wishing he had brushed it better, because he said something.
“You look fine, Sugarcube,” Mac chuckled. “Besides, they won’t care what you look like.”
“Who… Who are they?” Caramel asked with a moment’s hesitation.
Caramel didn’t realize it until now but they were on an odd path. Normally when Mac took him for walks they headed to the park or even through town to go around the pathways on Sweet Apple Acres, but instead they were heading for a thicket of trees down a path that didn’t look nearly as used as the others. Caramel struggled to remember what was down this way when he bit at the inside of his cheek. He had just been following Mac blindly, and when he looked over his shoulder he realized the closest home was at least fifty yards away.
“I want you to meet my folks,” Big Macintosh said with a small grin that Caramel now realized looked just the tiniest bit nervous by the way the workhorse wouldn’t meet his eye.
Then it hit Caramel. He remembered where this path was leading. It was a direct line to Ponyville’s cemetery.
He had handled it all wrong. Big Macintosh didn’t need Caramel to spell it out for him or even hint it, because it was all but obvious from his facial expressions. Big Macintosh was quiet at the best of times, which meant throughout his life he hadn’t had the deepest conversations with ponies. It was a blessing in disguise in a way, for it made it easier for the workhorse to read between the lines. If he had a feeling in his gut that the pony he was near was uncomfortable or sad without even saying it, he was right most of the time. If he knew anypony well enough to trust his gut, it was Caramel.
Stupid. Big Macintosh silently thought this to himself at least a dozen times since he had let it slip just exactly where they were headed. He didn’t think this through, and he had been thinking about it a lot. Near two months, in fact, ever since the night of his and Caramel’s two-year anniversary. It was the longest he had ever been in a relationship a year and a half in, but something about the significance of that night when he held Caramel close to him he realized quickly that… he trusted Caramel. It wasn’t a shocking realization or anything, more like he had opened his eyes to what he had always known. Caramel was his boyfriend, his best friend, and… he trusted him.
The trees were thick for a while as they walked. Big Macintosh occasionally stole glances towards Caramel who of course wasn’t meeting his eye. His eyes looked like what they did whenever his anxiety spiked. He had a tick, a tell really, and it was that he kept biting on his lower lip and glancing around as though wary for ponies nearby staring at them. Never once did he look Big Macintosh in the eye.
“Sugar,” Big Macintosh said, hoping that his words might reach Caramel. He took a chance and gently bumped his body into Caramel and slowed his pace just enough so he didn’t need to watch where he was going too closely. “I love you, you know that?”
It didn’t sound strong enough. That was the same thought Big Macintosh had two months ago, when this increasingly stupid seeming idea first popped into his head. He had been holding Caramel to him tighter than he ever had before, almost desperately really. He kept repeating those words again and again for hours on end. Not all at once, but every few minutes. Caramel giggled after each one and replied with the same affection. Each time Caramel said it Mac’s chest tightened in a happy feeling. But Mac couldn’t get it out right… it wasn’t enough. He had said those words possibly a million times to Caramel to the point where they could no longer express the ground breaking means he wanted to get across such as the first time he spoke them aloud. He thought every time saying it didn’t fully satisfy him just how he could show Caramel the depth of his meaning. Then… this trip popped into his mind.
“I love you too,” Caramel replied halfheartedly. He didn’t fake the words, Mac could tell just from his tone, but he was distracted. Possibly by his own thoughts. Mac tried to think what he could say or do to fix the nervous pony he had created but nothing popped into his head.
But of course, Mac was thick. These were his own opinions right this second. He wasn’t stupid, just thick. Instinctual really. Strangely enough for not talking that much he found that he didn’t overthink things too much. He worked on what felt right in the moment and went from there. Usually it worked, like the first time him and Caramel kissed and he didn’t question his feelings for even a second because of how right it felt. Other times like now it backfired in his face. He didn’t want to make Caramel nervous or scared. Why would he ever want that?
“Are those flowers for…” Caramel hesitated for just a second. It was the first thing he had said without being prompted in quite a while. “T-Them.”
Caramel didn’t know what to call them. Mac’s parents, his family, graves , all of them seemed wrong in their own unique way.
“Eeyup,” Mac responded with a nod. He glanced to the flowers on his back. White tulips and red lilies. “It… was their favorite.”
Mac hesitated, and he wondered if Caramel picked up on that. If he said “It is their favorite” as though they weren’t visiting a cemetery he might have spooked Caramel more. He was watching his tongue carefully now. Caramel just gave a slight nod in response and then clamped his mouth shut again with a bite of his lip.
Mac frowned, but Caramel didn’t glance at him to see.
The forest patch was clearing up. The telltale sign for you were on the right path was the stone archway before them right before the forest suddenly opened. He noticed Caramel slowed as they approached, so Mac himself did the same to go at Caramel’s own speed. When they crossed under the arch Mac noticed Caramel’s muscles tighten, and once the shadow from the morning sun had fully passed the tip of his twitchy tail he breathed out a heavy lungful of air as though he had been holding his breath.
Ponyville’s cemetery was tucked away. The entire forest seemed to expand in a widened field that circled around the open area with only the way they came in as an exit. The trees were thick, almost like walls, and the last rows of the gravestones in the back were still at least a hundred or so feet from the trees at the far end. The graves near the front were the oldest, with stones marking names and dates dating back to when Granny Smith was just a filly. Caramel glanced to them and frowned. Mac bumped into him again and smiled, and though Caramel looked to him he didn’t return it.
“It’s just up here,” Mac said. He tried to inject as much reassurance into those words as he could.
Caramel just nodded and gave out a weak willed “okay” and began to look as though he might throw up. That was a possibility, because he was beginning to look pale.
Ten rows. That was as far back as Mac’s parents were. He almost didn’t even need to glance at the gravestones to know exactly where the two of them were. He had it engrained in his mind that they were exactly seven stones over right next to each other. Their stones were slightly bigger than those around them, but not as fancy or designed with any special symbols. The path in front of them was dirt and not very well kept, because Grass was beginning to grow over it and mix in with the weeds.
“Mmm,” Caramel made a noise when Mac stopped and for the first time looked closely at the names on the gravestones.
Apple Blossom, and Cider Apple. His mother and father.
“Hey Ma,” Mac said with a chuckle as he took the bouquet of flowers from his back. He laid them in-between the two graves. “Hey Pa.”
A moment of silence passed.
“H-Hi,” Caramel mumbled. It was abundantly clear Caramel had no idea what he was supposed to be doing.
Mac sighed. It was sudden and loud. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed that it startled Caramel into whipping his head up and widening his eyes. Mac hit the ground with a thump when he fell back onto his hind and sat down before the graves and shut his eyes. He felt thick again, like he was a bad boyfriend for making Caramel so uncomfortable.
“Mac?” Caramel asked suddenly. Mac felt a hoof grip his shoulder and shake him gently. “I’m sorry, did I do something wrong? Hey?”
“Don’t be, Sugarcube,” Mac shook his head slowly and rose his hoof to grip Caramel’s hoof. Caramel walked up beside him slowly and sat down as well. Mac cracked open his eyes and looked into Caramel’s own. Caramel looked nervous, and on top of that ashamed as though he had done something wrong.
“I’m stupid,” Mac said aloud.
“What?” Caramel asked. He sounded almost offended that Mac said something like that. “What are you talking about?”
“I thought… I thought this would be a good thing,” Mac said as he drew Caramel’s hooves to his muzzle. He pressed his lips to it but didn’t kiss, just kept it there and shut his eyes to think. They were slightly muddy from the watery ground signifying the start of Spring, but Mac didn’t mind. As a matter of fact his whole bottom was muddy from sitting down. “I wanted to show you that… I don’t know.”
“What?” Caramel asked again. “You can tell me.”
Caramel was the one comforting him. That wasn’t what was supposed to be going on right now.
“That I trust you,” Mac mumbled. His face felt a little warm, and he hoped it wasn’t bad enough to make a blush obvious by his freckles blending into the red of his fur.
“Mac,” Caramel said quietly. He was silent for a few moments before scooting closer to Mac and wrapping his forelegs around his thick side, not able to fully reach around him. “I know that.”
“I ain’t ever brought nopony here,” Mac said when he glanced up at the graves. “Not even AJ or Apple Bloom or Granny. I didn’t want them to see me… not myself.”
Mac thought about it longer. For so long, ever since he was little, he had to be strong. It wasn’t for his sake, but for the sake of Applejack and Apple Bloom. Applejack was a mess after their parents passed, and Apple Bloom was far too young to even remember their faces or the color of their coats. He could tell whenever he showed her photos by the way her face scrunched that she was trying as hard as she could to remember the faces as anything but strangers. Mac told her stories to give her a better picture and she smiled, but in her eyes Mac knew that she would never fully know them the way he and Applejack had. Even Applejack had to think a little before remembering some of the stories Mac told. It scared him sometimes that the memory of them seemed to reside solely with him, the eldest of their children. It scared him so much that if he forgot about them they might as well have never existed. Of course the rest of the family remembered, but it was in bits and pieces. He was stronger for the two of them. He played the role of their big brother and raised them. But when he was here it was hard to compose himself. He was always a bad lair, that’s what his parents used to tell him when he hid behind their legs even when he was a foal bigger than all the others and he looked older than his age. Whenever he came here thoughts of nostalgia for a time when they were still around tickled the edges of his memories, and he longed for when his father used to teach him how to work the farm and fix things and his mother taught him recipes for cooking and how to care for Apple Bloom. To lose them both so close together from the same disease was…
Caramel’s legs squeezed Mac tighter, but that wasn’t what brought him back to reality. It was the fact that his boyfriend kissed his cheek lightly, and then his lips. He was soft and gentle, caring and kind. The sort of kiss that silently told Mac he wasn't alone. Mac felt his eyes sting slightly but he hadn’t realized it until then. He almost let the thoughts overtake him again. Being weak in front of family was one thing, but… as awkward as he felt right now being weak in front of Caramel was another. He trusted Caramel.
“I’m sorry,” Caramel mumbled aloud. “That I’m nervous, I mean. I’m happy you brought me here… that you… trust me.”
Mac wanted to say something comforting to Caramel like he normally did. He wanted to tell him there was no need to apologize, but he couldn’t find the motivation to say the words. All he said was a simple “Eeyup.”
Caramel laid his head on Mac’s shoulder. Mac lifted his foreleg and slung it around Caramel’s body until the smaller stallion was comfortably placed at his side. They stared at the gravestones together for a while.
“Do you think they’d… react badly?” Caramel asked. “To me?”
Mac didn’t need to ask what Caramel meant. He already knew because he had experienced it. It was brief, and lasted no more than a few awkward weeks, but when Mac said he kissed Caramel to his immediate family for the first time he was met with confusion, not congratulations. That was when he had been weak in front of Caramel the first time. He needed that comfort for the first but not the last time from somebody he trusted like a lover. While Apple Bloom came around the fastest, still young and confused by why the others were confused, Applejack and Granny Smith took their time. While now it was as though nothing had ever happened and they often shared dinners laughing and joking with Caramel, it was a bumpy start. It took six months for Applejack to look comfortable with Mac giving Caramel even a peck in front of her. Now it was though there was nothing wrong to begin with, and his family had come a long way. The first time Granny Smith called Caramel his boyfriend Mac almost cried, though she would never know.
“Maybe at first,” Mac replied. “Ma really wanted grandkids. Pa used to give me advice for talking to mares, not stallions. They weren’t the type to hate ponies, though. They’d give you a shot once they settled down.”
“You think?” Caramel asked. He sounded unconvinced.
“They’d love you like Granny and AJ and Apple Bloom do,” Mac chuckled while shaking Caramel gently. “Pa would… Well he’d probably not know what to call you at first. My partner, maybe? I’d convince him to call you my boyfriend, though. Regardless Ma was real caring. She’d get offended if you didn’t start calling her Ma too by now.”
“Do you think about that a lot?” Caramel asked. “What they’d think of me?”
“I want them to love you,” Mac said. “Like I love you.”
That made Caramel smile. He nodded his head slowly and buried his face into Mac’s chest to hide it. Maybe he thought it rude to smile like he was happy, which he was, in the middle of a cemetery, but it was clear he couldn’t help it.
“You think she’d harass you about adopting instead of having kids?” Caramel asked, half joking.
“Honestly,” Big Mac said with a slight shrug. “Once when Apple Bloom was real little she asked me if I was her daddy. I think that scared me off having foals of my own for good.”
Caramel giggled. It was a sweet-sounding noise that made Mac happy.
“We could get a dog instead,” Caramel said. “Or two… or three.”
“You’d cuddle them more than me,” Big Mac playfully argued.
“Hehe,” Caramel continued giggling. It was clear most of his nerves from before were gone. Mac was beyond grateful. He had the happy Caramel back. His Caramel.
“I always wanted something like that, though,” Caramel said. “A big family. Not like… kids or anything, but just family.”
Big Macintosh grew quiet at that. He rubbed his hoof up and down Caramel’s shoulder slowly. He kissed the top of Caramel’s head and smelled his sweet-smelling mane. He loved Caramel’s shampoo, and his smell in general. Sometimes whenever Caramel went home Mac would press his face into the pillow he had slept on the night before just to get the tiniest scent of his boyfriend until their next meeting. Of course, if Caramel knew this he’d probably tell Big Macintosh he was acting like a dog.
“When I eat dinner at your place I get really lost in having fun,” Caramel continued. “It’s loud and messy. Everypony laughs even if it’s not that funny and it makes me want to laugh too. You’re happy to see each other like it’s always a family reunion. It’s like something out of a brochure. Sage isn’t home much cause of the hospital, and when we do eat we don’t talk much. I love him, but he’s just not much of a cliché family dinner kind of pony.”
Mac frowned slightly in a way that Caramel couldn’t see because he pressed his face to his boyfriend’s mane. He thought of what he knew about Caramel. Caramel’s background was… Well, maybe it explained why he was always so nervous and shy. Caramel apologized a lot, over things that seemed like honest mistakes anypony would understand or even things not his fault at all. He got whispers of Caramel’s past, brief confiding’s before Caramel shut his mouth. Mac had pieced it all together the best he could. He knew Caramel and Sage had both had a hard childhood. Caramel’s mother was...
Mac tried not to think of it. The last thing he needed right now was to become upset. Not now, not after he had fixed the situation.
“I wish I hadn’t taken them for granted,” Mac mumbled with a glance at the gravestones. “That I thought they’d be here.”
Maybe if Mac wasn’t so thick he might have noticed that brief tensing in Caramel’s shoulders. He might have realized he said something wrong for the situation. He might have realized Caramel gripping him, hugging him, all suddenly grew tighter for a fraction of a second. He was vaguely aware of this, but didn’t bother to think why.
“Can you tell me about them?” Caramel asked. “Like… a story or something? I wanna hear what they were like.”
Mac smiled, and kissed the top of Caramel’s muzzle. Caramel smiled back and then kissed Mac’s lips. Mac was quiet as he breathed in and looked up, trying his best to think. It wasn’t often he let himself think of his parents like this, much less aloud. But right now he was in a place where he felt safe. He thought of the time he and Applejack had eaten a dozen apple fritters each that his mother had baked. Their parents had been furious, but couldn’t bring it in themselves to punish them given the fact they had eaten so much that they were both throwing up. It was horrible at the time, but made Mac laugh to talk about now.
He told stories like this. Happy little snippets of memories that he couldn’t fully remember the context for until he began talking. Mac grew happier, because it had been so long since he had shared these memories with anybody who hadn’t been there themselves. Caramel listened, and Mac loved him for that. He hadn’t realized how much he wanted this until he started.
He only would wish later that he had noticed Caramel starting to frown the longer he spoke, and the more happy memories he let slip.
The morning sun streamed in from Big Macintosh’s window and splayed over his bed. As little as a year ago, this site would have been unusual for him to see upon waking up. For his entire life he was always an early to rise early to bed sort of stallion. Applejack used to tease him and say “Good afternoon, Mac” whenever she got out of bed at eight in the morning compared to his five-thirty on the dot every day. It wasn’t like they ever started work on the farm until ten in the morning unless it was a special occasion, Mac had just preferred to wake up that early. But now… When he woke up he could hear the commotion of breakfast outside of his door.
“Mmm,” Caramel made a noise when Mac rolled slightly and nearly flattened his boyfriend. The smaller pony was tucked into his forelegs and gripped in a little spoon position. He was the reason Mac’s sleep schedule had changed so drastically in the past year, though he might not have known it.
The first few times Caramel slept over at Mac’s were a big deal at the time. The morning, however, was another matter entirely. Caramel had never had rhyme nor reason to wake up at the seemingly absurd time his boyfriend did, so he was a late sleeper. Mac had to withhold shock the first time Caramel shyly told him that he sometimes slept till ten in the morning. What started as not wanting to wake his boyfriend and laying in bed a few extra hours just enjoying cuddling slowly developed into Mac’s worsening sleep habits. He used to be strict with his rules about bedtime, but Caramel had changed the rules. Now they woke up at nine in the morning, the latest in the household.
“Morning, Sugarcube,” Big Macintosh whispered after planting his lips against Caramel’s soft and supple neck. He kissed a few times only because he knew Caramel was insanely sensitive, especially when he wasn’t expecting it. He was rewarded with his toying by Caramel making a yelping dog-like sort of sound and instantly scooting his body back further into the trap known as his muscular boyfriend’s strong legs, of which he instantly locked Caramel and let his teeth graze just against Caramel’s jawline.
“C-C’mon you jerk!” Caramel whined, instantly struggling in Mac’s iron grip. He knew better by now than to let Mac have too much fun toying with him or he might never stop. “I’m up I’m up!”
Mac chuckled himself and released Caramel, though instead of squirming away from his teasing lover as fast he could Caramel instead rolled over until the two were belly to belly and buried his face in Mac’s neck. He cuddled him back and groaned. Mac knew he was more than likely being used as a pony shield for the sunlight, but he didn’t mind.
“I was dreaming,” Caramel muttered in an annoyed voice. “Five more minutes.”
Big Macintosh just smiled and kissed his boyfriend’s head.
Mac had only slept in the same bed with three ponies he would ever consider himself in a semi-serious relationship with. Something nopony seemed to expect out of the big red workhorse was just how… cuddly he was. Mac enjoyed the touch of another in his forelegs to fall asleep too. He enjoyed a pony’s unique scent filling his nose, Caramel’s was sweet with just a hint of cotton, and the squirm of another as they adjusted. It made him feel comfortable and warm. The first mare who found this out about him wasn’t a cuddler, and the second seemed almost turned off as she expected Mac to be the strong stoic type always. Caramel was different, though. Caramel let him sleep like this. It was an adjustment he later admitted, and more than once Caramel confessed if he was braver earlier in their relationship he might have asked Mac for some of his own space. However, he had grown to like it just as much, if not more than Mac.
Mac used to never waste time in the morning upon waking. Now he took time to appreciate those little five more minutes Caramel always asked for. Caramel was at his most cuddle addicted and flat out needy in the morning as he switched to accepting Mac’s grip to practically laying on him for those last moments of sleep.
Mac was happy. He had feared… well, the worst. No matter how well their visit at the grave three days earlier had went, he had this tiny fear in him that was irrational ever since that things might be awkward between the two of them. In Mac’s eyes, it was a step forward. A step he had never taken with anypony before.
Big Macintosh glanced around the bedroom as the last wisps of sleep abandoned his thoughts and mind and he began to think more clearly. In those thoughts, he could only wonder how he had waited so long. The room was different to what it had been two years ago, even though Caramel didn’t even live with him. Mac was minimalist, and had nothing in his room shy of a few photographs of family on his bedside table. Now he had a photograph of Caramel and him beside it, but that wasn’t all that was different.
There was a thick, fluffy throw rug covering Mac’s once bare hardwood floor. He had gotten it because it made the floorboards creak less. The house was old and noisy, and Mac didn’t mind. Unfortunately for him Caramel was a light sleeper and any loud creaking in the bedroom would usually wake him up. The carpet muffled it. The closet which Big Mac never used now held several of Caramel’s sweaters and scarves he had forgotten here during the long winter. Mac’s personal bathroom connected to his bedroom used to only have one towel and one bar of soap. Now it had three towels, one for Caramel’s mane and body, and several brands of soap and various pill bottles that the two had forgotten to throw out once emptied.
The changes were gradual, but the room itself was unrecognizable. The biggest itself was the larger bed and second pillow which Caramel was only now half using in favor of Mac’s own chest. The bed needed to get bigger once Caramel started sleeping over, as Mac had a small twin that barely fit his since he was ten. The pillow was soft and fluffy, and something Mac couldn’t sleep on without feeling like he was suffocating from his face sinking in so much.
“Sugar,” Mac whispered as he ran his hoof down to Caramel’s own and took it before giving as gentle squeeze. “Five minutes is up.”
“Mmm,” Caramel made a low-moaning sort of noise of annoyance.
“Want five more?” Big Macintosh chuckled.
Caramel only had to nod and bury his muzzle deeper into Mac’s chest fluff. It was very hard for Mac to say no.
Breakfast was busy. Big Macintosh when he was little assumed that every family woke up in a chorus of energy and bubbling excitement for the day ahead of them. However, one glance at Caramel whose eyes were still drooping and steps swaying uneasily made him realize that his family was more than likely unique in this regard.
“Morning, sleepyheads!” Applejack called.
That was a more recent nickname. Being the last to wake in the house was almost an open invitation for ridicule in a family of farmers who thrived on the morning sunlight.
Mac gave his sister a small smile and nodded his head. Apple Bloom was running back and forth from the kitchen to the living room gathering all her things for school. Her bow wasn’t even in her hair yet and when she said good morning. Caramel of course instantly went for the same table Granny Smith was at and laid his head down and gave a quiet, tired good morning to everypony.
With the kitchen as loud and bustling as it was there was no chance Caramel was going to nod off. Whatever Applejack was frying up for breakfast on a total of three skillets at once was popping and sizzling as she dashed each of them with pepper and other various spices without even looking.
“I always tell you to get your stuff ready in the morning,” Applejack rolled her eyes as Apple Bloom rushed back into the kitchen and impatiently beat her front hooves on the ground.
“I know I know!” Apple Bloom whined as she was struggling to fix up her bow. Mac chuckled and reached down, helping her do so before she thanked him with a big smile that made his chest feel warm.
Big Macintosh went for the coffee next. He drunk his black, but was generous and filled up a second mug with plenty of cream and sugar and put it in front of Caramel. Applejack was pulling out plates and tossing them all on the table as she also threw on hash browns and eggs. She and Granny Smith were joking back and forth, sometimes trying to get Caramel to pitch in. He was never listening, mostly because he was still exhausted. It would be about fifteen more minutes before he was recognizable as an intelligent form of life.
The Apple family ate fast. They also ate a lot. They were hard workers, so they needed the calories to burn. Even Granny Smith ate a serving and a half. Caramel himself was a bit more on the heavier side of things, his belly a striking contrast to the Apple Family’s flat stomachs, but even he was never able to keep up with them. As such, his plate was usually the only one never cleaned when he was finally full. He might have been teased about this if the Apple Family weren’t all aware they were bottomless stomached freaks.
Caramel was just starting to fully come around about halfway through breakfast. Applejack was telling him about the upcoming harvest and they began to playfully talk about some of the excuses Mac might make to get out of work early to visit him. A year ago these jokes might have made Caramel blush, but now he was able to playfully go along with it. It was part of the charm of the Apple family. They either chased you away or broke you down with kindness in the lengths they’d go to in order to make you feel a part of the conversation.
“Needs to go buy a new wheel for the cart?” Caramel asked. “One date last summer was to the hardware store.”
Mac rolled his eyes. Caramel of course didn’t bother to mention the fact that they walked around the park after that.
“Naw,” Applejack shook her head. “He used that excuse three times last year.”
“Four,” Big Macintosh said with a chuckle.
“You’re not very creative!” Applejack snapped across the table, and the two of them chuckled. “You know you work twice as much as me! You’re ALLOWED to ask me to pick up some of your lovey dovey slack!”
“You lot are never straightforward,” Granny Smith chimed in with a nod before going on one of her long rants.
Big Macintosh chuckled.
“Well, the harvest won’t be in full swing for a while, right?” Caramel asked. “We’ll still have a few weeks before he has to start playing hooky.”
“Mmm,” Applejack shook her head slowly. “No, I don’t think so. Actually the Apple Family Reunion is coming up in a few weeks, so we’ll be out for at least a long weekend pretty soon.”
“Oh, right,” Caramel said when he slumped back into his chair. He was frowning and gripping his coffee cup. “Forgot about that.”
Mac couldn’t help but notice the slight disappointment cross Caramel’s face. It was only for a second, but it was there. What Mac had learned early on in his life is that the Apple Family didn’t pick up on small things like he did. Maybe it was because he was quiet and had to rely on a more physical communication over a verbal one. If he blinked, he might have missed it. He was just about to open his mouth to say something when Apple Bloom interrupted him.
“Shoot!” Apple Bloom said as she pushed back her plate. “I promised I’d meet the girls before school.”
And just like that the chaos of morning breakfast seemed to disperse. As usual Big Macintosh asked Apple Bloom if she wanted to be walked to school and she said no, and then without her the livelihood seemed to settle down on top of everypony’s full bellies.
“I’ll wash the dishes,” Caramel offered.
“Oh, you don’t have to do that, sweetie!” Granny Smith said.
“C-C’mon, it’s not like I helped with breakfast or setting up,” Caramel bashfully giggled when he began to gather up the plates. Granny Smith said something about how he was a polite stallion and he blushed more.
“I’ll help,” Mac said when he stood up. He could tell Caramel was about to open his mouth to argue but Mac quieted him down by going over and kissing him before he could talk. It was always easy to quiet Caramel down by blushing.
“Ugh,” Applejack made a noise as though she were clearly rolling her eyes. That wasn’t a ‘I’m uncomfortable with my brother kissing a stallion’ sound it was a ‘I’m uncomfortable you’re being a big dope in love’ sound.
The warm water splashed over Mac’s hooves as he grabbed for the soap and traded dishes with Caramel. They had good teamwork in Caramel washing and Big Mac drying. Whenever they did work together Mac always saw this stern and focused expression on Caramel’s face. It was less intense than if he was trying to help out on the fields, but it was still there. It was almost as if Caramel was afraid of messing up in some way. Mac touched his shoulder lightly and the expression softened when Caramel smiled.
“So,” Caramel said. His voice was holding back something. Big Mac thought it might have been a sign. “You’re gonna be gone in a few weeks for that family thing?”
“Eeyup,” Mac said when he nodded his head.
“You usually have fun at those things,” Caramel said with a nod. He was talking quietly, mostly because Applejack and Granny Smith were so close and it was clear he didn’t want to be heard over the running water. “I mean, I hope you do…”
“Sugar?” Mac asked. He touched Caramel’s shoulder again after he had been holding the same glass under the water for a good ten seconds without budging. He blinked and shook his head slowly.
“It’s nothing,” Caramel said before Mac could even ask what’s wrong. He just knew that was going to be the next question. “I’m just being… dumb.”
Caramel hesitated before that last word.
Mac didn’t like it when Caramel called himself dumb. He used to do it a lot more until Mac asked why one day, and when Caramel couldn’t (or wouldn’t) give an answer he wanted to drop it. Perhaps Sage had never called it out before, or maybe Caramel himself had just never noticed, but now whenever he let it slip there was always the slightest hesitation followed by the same thing Mac always said.
“You ain’t dumb, Sugarcube.”
Big Macintosh pushed back Caramel’s mane so he could see his eyes more clearly. Caramel wouldn’t look at him and just slowly turned the same glass over a few times under the water.
“Just… you get really busy in a month. It’ll be hard to see you and I… I was glad we could spend some time together when it wasn’t so cold and all.”
Caramel mumbled those words as if he didn’t even want Big Mac to understand them. He blushed and looked away, grabbing the soap again and handing the glass over. He moved on from his work, but Mac held the glass there silently for a few moments.
“We’ll still have time,” Big Macintosh tried to sound reassuring.
“I know.” Caramel was now shaking his head. “Just forget I said anything, okay?”
Mac frowned, but Caramel didn’t look up to see. The workhorse was thinking now, and in those thoughts an idea began to form.
“Pardon?” Applejack asked.
Mac was frowning. He wasn’t looking at his sister, but he could imagine the look she had on her face. It was the sort of half quizzical half amused waiting for the punchline sort of expression he had feared. He didn’t look up from the cart wheel he was tightening, but he could see his sister’s orange coat out of the corner of his eye.
“I wanna bring Caramel to the reunion,” Big Macintosh repeated.
Applejack was quiet for a while. It was uncomfortably quiet, and it brought back memories Big Mac wished he had never gotten to share with his sister. The times where him and Caramel were still a new couple and whenever he brought up Caramel she would pause and look worried or confused how to react. It was something Mac thought they had gotten over and he would never have to deal with it again.
Now was possibly the best time to talk about it. Mac didn’t put much thought into things, as he was more of an impulsive pony. The moment an idea or thought popped into his head he liked to go for it when it was still fresh. This was one of the few times he had waited. Caramel was gone, Apple Bloom was at school, and Granny Smith was taking her post lunchtime nap. The two were together in the barn checking up on the tools they used for harvesting before the winter to make sure nothing was rusted or loose and everything would be set for the following seasons. Mac tugged at the wheel on the cart and felt no sign of looseness so he released it and shut his eyes.
“I ain’t asking for permission,” Big Mac said when Applejack was quiet for an uncomfortably long time.
“Sorry,” Applejack mumbled. He glanced to his sister and saw she was shaking her head. If she was waiting for the joke to hit, it wasn’t gonna happen. “Just… This is real sudden, Mac. Are you sure you wanna?”
“I thought you were fine with me and him now,” Big Macintosh said. He had never sounded angry with his sister before. In fact, he could remember the last time he was mad at her, and it was when he was little and she pushed him into a river in the middle of winter and he caught a cold. His father had made her apologize and go without dinner that night. This was one of the rare times he was tempted to let that anger flare up. Of course, if he wasn’t expecting some resistance then why did he go through such lengths to make sure his sister was alone?
“I am!” Applejack argued when she stamped her hoof on the hay covered barn floor. “Just heavens to Betsy, are you forgettin’ the little detail that the rest of the family don’t even know you like stallions!”
Big Macintosh didn’t need to be reminded. He had been with Caramel for two reunions now, and both times Caramel had been left behind. It didn’t cross his mind at the time to correct the ponies of his family who asked if he had a mare friend yet, but now he was beginning to wish he had.
“It’s in Appleloosa, ain’t it?” Big Mac asked.
“Yeah,” Applejack nodded her head. Her tone went from backlash to more soft and submissive in that single word.
It was almost as if Big Mac didn’t even need to say the name for the stallion they were thinking of to pop into both of their minds.
“I mean… Braeburn IS hosting it this year,” Applejack mumbled aloud.
Braeburn was, to put it lightly, the single most colt cuddling coltcuddler Mac had ever met. Of course, Ponyville had it’s own share of same-sex couples scattered through it who Mac occasionally talked to. The earth pony and harp playing unicorn at the sweets store. That one aqua earth pony who was an artist and his husband gryphon who had their wedding a short time after Caramel and Mac had begun dating and they were more on the low-key side of things. However, none of these ponies were anything like Braeburn.
Braeburn from the moment he came out was loud about who he was and held very little shame. He brought a stallion who he proudly proclaimed his boyfriend to the first reunion it was known about him. He liked to talk about it, and in general he liked to talk a lot. Furthermore, most of the family liked Braeburn.
Maybe it was selfish at the time, but during that reunion Big Macintosh couldn’t help but be thankful that he wasn’t going to have to be the first in the family to pave the way.
“Look,” Big Macintosh started with a sigh. “A few days ago, when I took Caramel to Ma and Pa...”
Applejack looked down and frowned. She knew about that. Applejack was the only pony other than him and Caramel to know about that. In fact, it was Applejack who encouraged him when he went to her asking if he was doing something stupid the night before. Applejack had come such a long way to being supportive of Mac and the choice of a partner he had made, so it was hard to understand why she couldn’t be that pony now.
“It went great,” Mac said with a chuckle. “I knew it was right to show him that. We talked and talked about it for hours.”
“You told me,” Applejack muttered when she hit her hoof at a small clump of hay on the floor. She was keeping her mouth twisted and her eyes narrowed. “Mac, you know we treat Caramel like he’s family and…”
“Eeyup,” Mac said sternly. It was the sort of reply that didn’t need to be explained, because Applejack had already said it. “Just like family.”
Applejack bit her lip and then sighed.
“Some ponies took Braeburn… y’know… really hard, Mac,” Applejack said when she walked over to the cart and put a hoof on the edge. She leaned her forehead against it. “I know you have thick skin but this ain’t some stranger, this is family. I don’t want you or Caramel to…”
“AJ,” Mac said.
Applejack glanced up and looked over to Big Macintosh. He was staring at her intently, making sure that she was looking him right in the eye when he talked.
“I love Caramel. We ain’t just experimenting anymore.”
Applejack did something Mac didn’t expect, and that was to chuckle.
“I know that, you dope.”
Applejack walked over and nicked Mac in the arm. She sighed and lowered her hat so Mac couldn’t see her eyes. She was shaking her head slowly not in a disapproving sort of way, but as though she were thinking.
“Maybe you’re right,” Applejack admitted. “Maybe if there were any time to do it it’d be when Brae was hosting.”
“I’ve never seen a stallion kiss another stallion so long without air,” Big Mac said.
Both chuckled at that. Things were lightening up already.
“So,” Applejack said when she raised the brim of her hat. “How’re you gonna ask Caramel?”
“We should eat out,” Caramel mumbled when he felt his stomach begin to rumble.
“You always say that,” Sage rolled his eyes and took a sip from his coffee. “Honestly is my cooking that bad?”
The coffee shop was near empty, as it usually was around this time of evening. It was just after Sage’s shift ended, and he had eight hours before he had to go back to the hospital for third shift. He was still wearing his white coat and stethoscope. Caramel sighed, glancing out the window at the sight of the setting sun. In no more than thirty minutes it was going to be dark. This was one of the few days of the week where Sage was able to eat dinner with Caramel. Being a doctor sounded busy and time consuming to Caramel. He got tired just helping Mac for an hour or two on the farm, and he couldn’t understand just how Sage could manage to spend so many hours at the hospital.
This was their usual meeting spot, as it was the perfect distance from Sage’s hospital and Sweet Apple Acres where Caramel spent a good portion of his time.
“No,” Caramel shook his head. “Just… The cider at Ginger Snaps is really good.”
He said it shyly and sheepishly, and his embarrassment only grew when Sage rolled his eyes.
“The Apple family is a bad influence on you,” Sage muttered.
“Mmm,” Caramel replied with a shrug when he stirred the sugar slowly into his tea.
“I’ll take you out if you wash this morning’s dishes when we get home,” Sage raised his eyebrows.
“Not worth it,” Caramel mumbled. He wasn’t there that morning for breakfast. Sage never asked him to wash dishes unless he went all out in a complete disaster of a cooking mess. Sage chuckled.
“We could go out for lunch tomorrow,” Sage said. “I get off early morning.”
“Can’t,” Caramel shook his head. “Mac asked to meet up.”
Before Big Mac came into the picture they didn’t have to organize their lives like this given the fact that they lived together, but now with Caramel constantly spending the night at his boyfriend’s house and Sage’s insane hours the two brothers were lucky to find three evenings a night just to eat dinner together. Like everything that had changed with Mac, it was an adjustment that eventually just became how things worked.
“How rare for you two to spend time together. What is he, your boyfriend?” Sage chuckled.
Caramel tried not to blush, but Sage knew how to get under his skin. He looked around for any signs of ponies listening but the only other one besides the barista this late in the evening was an old mare in the corner reading a book who Caramel wouldn’t think twice if he was told she was hard of hearing. He sighed and looked down.
“Something up?” Sage asked. “Aren’t you usually blushing like a filly right now at the idea of your big strong stallion sweeping you off your feet the fabulous… discounted lunch rush?”
“I-I don’t blush like a filly,” Caramel said, wishing he hadn’t stuttered. He hated that Sage was still hung up on that subject like a “It’s just… He asked me to go with him to lunch tomorrow to… ‘talk’”
Caramel raised his hooves to make a quotation mark effect in the air before rolling his eyes.
“Well,” Sage said as he took a sip of his coffee. “This is you first serious relationship and all.”
“This is my only relationship and all,” Caramel muttered under his breath. He wished he didn’t sound so bitter, but he knew it was his nerves getting the best of him.
“Did he say about what this time at least?” Sage raised his brow.
“Not really,” Caramel said. “Just about us. I don’t think it’s bad, though, cause he said that about five times.”
“And you’re still panicking?” Sage looked like he wanted to laugh.
Caramel glanced away. He didn’t like to admit that Sage’s teasing had a grain of truth stored in it somewhere. He rolled the mug of tea back and forth in his hooves for a bit when he thought, staring back at his reflection and his hair which he had forgotten to brush this morning.
“Mac’s hard to read when he wants to be serious,” Caramel said with a slight sigh.
“You’re just noticing the stallion of little words is hard to read?” Sage questioned.
For a moment, Caramel considered kicking Sage under the table but decided against it. Teasing he could take. His mind was more occupied by other matters. Mac was physical above all else, and when it came to words Caramel was forced to read into just about anything to fully understand what Mac was trying to get across. He didn’t need to hear Big Mac say he loved him because he understood that clutching him closer or pausing work to lay with him for a short break was Mac’s own way of getting his feelings across. Talking for Big Macintosh meant that it was something serious. Not necessarily bad, but serious nonetheless.
“I think he thinks I’m upset,” Caramel said when he touched his hooves together. “I said some dumb things at the cemetery.”
“I thought you said that went well,” Sage cocked up a brow.
“It did,” Caramel shook his head slowly. “I’m glad he took me and all. But I started saying weird stuff about how I always wanted a big family like his and then earlier I got all weird when I remembered their family reunion was coming up and he’d be out of town for a while.”
“Cara,” Sage interrupted. “You’re rambling.”
Another reason for Caramel’s face to feel warm.
“Sorry,” Caramel mumbled. “I didn’t… mean to talk like you weren’t good enough family.”
“I get it,” Sage shrugged his own shoulders. “Mom wasn’t exactly a picture-perfect family kinda gal, y’know?”
Caramel’s ears flickered at the mention of their mother. This was immediately followed by a drop in his belly and a twist of his gut. Sage never talked about their mother unless it was to bad mouth her. Whenever he did so he caught himself falling into old habits of holding his breath for a few moments like he used to do, afraid she might have heard him and came to the room. When Caramel was little he could never decide if Sage was brave or stupid or a little of both for saying the things Caramel wished he was brave enough to say out loud.
“But hey, Mac loves you,” Sage said when he reached out his hoof over the table and pushed Caramel’s shoulder slightly. “I know you two have that weird psychic connection thing going on…”
“What are you talking about?” Caramel giggled, his anxiety already dwindling at the mention of Mac’s affection.
“Caramel,” Sage stated blatantly when staring directly into Caramel’s eyes. “You have laughed looking at him when he says nothing like he just told the most hilarious joke. I swear to god you two have a conversation without even talking. Aren’t we supposed to have that power? I mean we’re twins and all.”
“H-He was doing something weird with his lips!” Caramel said quickly in defense of himself.
“Yeah, it’s called smiling,” Sage replied. “Ponies who are not him do that a lot. What, did he transmit you dirty thoughts?”
“Shut up!” Caramel whined and covered his face when Sage started laughing.
“Hey, I don’t want to think of my brother having a psychic sexual chat in front of me with his boyfriend,” Sage said. “It’s bad enough I have to do the laundry.”
“Oh my gosh!” Caramel shouted when he covered his ears. “That was ONE time! Get over it!”
“It’s scarred into my brain,” Sage said when he lifted his hoof and tapped it against his temple. “You ever hear me waking up and screaming? I have NIGHTMARES! No! No! Get that sheet away it’s covered in my brothers c-”
“AHHHH!” Caramel yelled and clamped his hooves tighter over his ears.
Needless to say the two were asked to leave after Caramel’s little outburst. Sage couldn’t stop laughing on their way out but Caramel noticed he left an extra big tip on the table for the trouble. His face was red even when he stepped out into the chilled early spring air and felt it whip at his cheeks.
“Do we need to find a new coffee shop?” Caramel asked once he had finally settled down and the two were on their way home. It was dark, and the streetlights of Ponyville were starting to light up behind them. Because their home was so out of the way the street they had to take was dark, and Caramel had to rely on his memory of the path not to trip over and sudden holes or dips in the road.
“Probably not,” Sage shrugged, but he sounded unsure. “I mean, the barista didn’t hear me finish what I was saying.”
“You’re awful,” Caramel muttered. “Can I disown you?”
“Legally? Probably.” Sage shrugged.
“Probably?” Caramel asked.
“I mean, I’m a doctor not a lawyer.” Sage smirked, or at least Caramel though he did in the dark. “I think I know a guy though. How long are you gonna be mad at me?”
“Are you doing the dishes?”
“I’ll talk to him tomorrow,” Sage sighed bitterly as though he had accepted the fact that Caramel was no longer his brother.
“I see I mean a lot to you,” Caramel giggled.
This was nice. It was rare for Caramel and Sage to talk and joke like this and laugh loudly without caring if anybody was watching. It only happened once a while, which was even more rare now that the two spent so much time apart. This is what Caramel wanted more, to be happy with those he considered family. The walk home was pleasant and even though the chilled air hurt his lungs to breathe in he didn’t mind going slow. He would have plenty of time to curl up warm in bed later, but right now he was going to have fun.
“But really,” Sage said, changing gears in topics to a more serious tone. “About Mac, I don’t think you should worry.”
“You think?” Caramel asked. He knew he sounded unconvinced.
“I know” Sage insisted. “You two got past whenever most couples have to decide if it was just puppy love or real love. I mean, you don’t see yourself ever breaking up with him, do you?”
That thought alone made Caramel nervous. The idea of not being with Mac despite the fact it had only been two years of them together felt like it almost couldn’t exist. He shook his head in reply, and then realized it was probably too dark for Sage to see him.
“No,” Caramel said.
“Maybe Mac just wants to talk about serious stuff. Y’know, moving in, engagement, all that?”
“You think?” Caramel asked nervously.
“Relax,” Sage chuckled. “Most guys don’t spring that on you. They just, y’know, test the waters and see where you’re at as a couple. But I do hear those country ponies really like to pair up and marry early. He might wanna hitch you soon.”
“Oh knock it off!” Caramel jabbed his hoof into Sage’s side and instead of a grunt or yelp he only heard a laugh from his brothers.
The rest of the walk home was quick. By now the cold was starting to really get to Caramel, and the end of his hooves trudging through the slightly damp ground were beginning to feel numb. When they got to the walkway in front of their house Sage grabbed at the mailbox. It was probably the only one on the street which hadn’t been emptied by now given the fact that nopony had been home since six in the morning.
“I’m thinking Pasta,” Sage said when he approached the door. “Mushroom and daisy sauce sounds great right now.”
“How fresh are the tomatoes?” Caramel asked once they were in the house and feeling began to return from his hooves.
“No pasta,” Sage said in an instant. “Okay let’s see what we have…”
Caramel followed Sage into the kitchen and sat down at the table/counter hybrid in the middle where Sage had dumped out the mail. He was ready to approve or deny any of Sage’s choices. They really hadn’t gone shopping in a while, so it was likely their options were limited.
“No bread… a few eggs…” Sage was rambling mostly to himself now as he went through cupboard by cupboard.
Caramel drug his hoof to the mail and began to absent mindedly go through it. It was the usual bills, bills, a letter or two from the hospital, and even more bills. Once Caramel had seen the mail Mac got, and more than likely the letters from their close-knit family far outweighed the bills that Caramel and Sage were saddled with. Of course, at the bottom of the pile there was a letter that didn’t match up with the rest. Caramel and Sage knew all their friends personally, so there was no need for letters to be sent. He pulled out the letter, and it was from an address he didn’t recognize about a day’s train ride away. He tuned out Sage’s ramblings as he ripped it open slowly, assuring that it wouldn’t rip in his hooves.
The smell… Something about the smell of it made Caramel sick instantly. It was perfume, a sort that was strong and cheap. Without really knowing why his chest instantly tightened up and he tried not to breathe it in. He unfolded the letter slowly and saw writing in scrawled out chicken scratch. He couldn’t get past the first line before a gasp escaped his throat and somewhere far outside his focus he realized Sage had stopped talking and turned to him.
Dear Caramel and Sage,
It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I still remember the day you two boys left home together. You were always so independent. I know we had our differences when you two were growing up and we’re not nearly as close as I’d like to be, but I want to change that. I want to visit you, and I want to do it soon. I miss you boys so much. Recently I moved to Manehattan and live in a little apartment. Money’s tight, but I think I can spare the time for a little weekend trip soon. Just mail me back knowing when it’ll be best for you.
From, Mom.
Caramel didn’t realize he wasn’t breathing until his lungs began to ache. He gasped suddenly, and when he already looked up Sage was grabbing at the letter frantically. His eyes widened, and he did what Caramel hadn’t and recognized the style of hoofwriting. They met eyes, and Caramel realized he hadn’t seen Sage look so scared in years.
“How did she find us?” Caramel asked.
He could barely choke out the words. Sage didn't respond, and only then did Caramel realize his eyes were stinging.
Before he knew it, his breath became faster. He clutched his hoof over his chest and stood up from the chair but his legs were weak. He could barely stand much less walk. His stomach wanted to upheave itself. Desperatly he looked to Sage for help, but his brother hadn't moved nor blinked. He looked like a pale statue. Caramel planted a hoof over his mouth to hold back whatever was violently convulsing in his belly.
The stench of that perfume drenched the paper and now filled the apartment and Caramel's lungs. It was a horrible smell, the one his mother always wore. Now he knew where it was. So many memories of it stinging his eyes and causing him to feel sick. He shut his eyes now, fearful he might cry because his eyes were stinging so much. He remembered now how that smell used to cling to his fur and bed and anything she touched and how he couldn't escape it no matter how much he showered or scrubbed. He remembered her yelling and him curled up crying and her asking again and again why he couldn't just man up and knock it off. Caramel remembered all of it more suddenly than he thought he would. It was violent, and he felt like he had been punched in the gut.
Big Macintosh wasn’t the kind of pony to feel nervous very often. If the problem was centered around himself, it was easy to keep his emotions under control and think rationally. However, he knew more than anypony that if anybody could make him feel like he was right now it would have to be Caramel.
Early on in their relationship Big Macintosh could tell Caramel was constantly nervous in areas Big Mac didn’t even think about. He used to constantly check his mane or tense up when Mac hugged him or worst of all panicked when Mac would ask what he would want to do on their dates. Mac had experience in ways that Caramel simply didn’t back then, but right now was unfamiliar territory for him. Somewhere in the back of his mind he had thought Caramel to be silly for being so worried, even if he had more than mellowed out as time went on. He had never mocked his boyfriend for these things, but the seed had always been there. Right about now Big Macintosh thought about a saying he once heard about how karma always catches up, and he thought the tightness in his chest at this moment might have something to do about it.
The life of Ponyville seemed to pass by in a blur from Big Macintosh’s location. He was in the middle of town, sure, but he almost felt removed from the ponies all seeming to scurry from one location to the next. He himself was sitting on a bench at the back of the square near the fountain shaped like Princess Celestia. He leaned his head back and sighed.
This wasn’t just any bench. Mac chose this bench specifically because asking a pony to come with him to a family reunion seemed like a big deal. At least, it was something he had never done with the other ponies he had dated in the past. He was never one for romance or big gestures, but something like this seemed fitting. It was the bench which he and Caramel had first kissed. He could still remember that night vividly if he closed his eyes. The air was chilled but Caramel’s face had looked so warm. His lips had been warm, too, albeit slightly chapped. It was clear at the time that Caramel had never kissed another pony in his life by the way he both pushed and pulled and tensed and loosened all in the span of a few moments. Mac didn’t mind then, in fact it was nice that Caramel had been so lively throughout it. It made the memory easier to conjure.
Some ponies asked, Applejack’s friends mostly, just when Mac knew that Caramel was right for him. They always seemed puzzled when he said it was right at that kiss, but it was true. Not once before that had it crossed Big Macintosh’s mind that he might think of Caramel in that way, but in the moment it had felt right. Later still, several months in fact, Caramel had admitted he had a crush on Big Mac from almost the moment they met. Even Rarity once said when visiting Applejack that from the way they acted they clearly were never going to be just friends. Mac didn’t know if that was true, but he trusted that unicorn of all of AJ’s friends to know about romance.
But that was then and this was now. Mac opened his eyes and the sun was clearly lowered past midday. Caramel was late.
Don’t panic, he wanted to tell himself. But of course, this thought never crossed his mind unless he was already past the point of worry. He had this entire day freed up and planned for this one talk. Asking Caramel to not just come with him but also be his date to the Apple Family Reunion was something that had been weighing on him since he had first thought of it. Not once did he doubt it was the right thing to do, but it had crossed his mind that Caramel might react poorly. Worse, Caramel might not think they were at the point of their relationship where Big Mac was almost positive they were. The two of them practically lived with each other part time this past year.
A minute past one was when Mac started to grow antsy. He knew it was exactly a minute past one because Golden Harvest, the local carrot seller, was starting to pack up her market stand for the day. Big Mac had every single pony’s schedule stored in his brain and he could spout it off without hesitation if asked. It wasn’t something he actively tried to learn, but spending your entire life doing the same work tended to make the little things stick.
Mac hunched forward and put his front hooves against his face. Mac was a worrier. It was practically in his job description as a big brother and caretaker of his family. Whenever something was off he had a horrible feeling in his gut that he couldn’t shake until proven wrong. Be it Apple Bloom coming home late from School or Applejack off doing her Element of Harmony work with her friends he always worried about his loved ones wellbeing. Caramel was no exception. He wondered if he had gotten sick or hurt or just forgot about their date. Now he was starting to let irrational thoughts come into his mind so he shook his head hard enough to make his bangs bat around.
Ponies were starting to look at him funny. He wondered if he must look strange sitting here for over an hour alone. Most locals knew he was with Caramel, and those who didn’t at least knew it was rare for him to go into town on personal matters alone. He wondered what they must be thinking.
Mac finally stood up, his hooves sinking into the wet ground. He didn’t know how much longer he could just sit here not moving without explanation. He thought about wandering around, biding time, but he knew that all of these would just be putting off the inevitable of walking over to Caramel’s himself. If he was sick or hurt he at least wanted to know, and if he had simply forgotten Mac might be annoyed but at least they could laugh about it. Still, this isn’t the way Mac wanted the day to go.
Big Macintosh wasn’t normally a fast walker, but right now he was practically jogging out of the center of town and back to the smaller, less busy streets where Caramel lived. His boyfriend was a fifteen-minute walk away, meaning that Mac had given him more than enough time to get there even if he was running late. Normally Mac liked to walk slow, and rarely was antsy to get places very fast. Today was an exception.
Mac swallowed a lump in his throat that he didn’t even know he had been holding when he saw Caramel’s house at the far end of a line of others. Being the middle of the day nobody was in the street. Caramel’s room had a window that faced out towards the right of the house, and Mac looked to see the curtains were shut. This made his belly twist. The curtains in front of the house were open, but when Mac trotted down the front and up to the door he saw no signs of life on the inside. All the lights inside were off, but the door to Caramel’s room which was right at the start of the hallway near in perfect alignment with the door was closed.
Big Macintosh knocked and then rang the doorbell. He waited ten seconds, then repeated. His heart was starting to beat as fast as the impatient swish of his short tail whipped back and forth. He wanted another thirty seconds this time, knocked again, and still no answer. He listened hard, stopped breathing entirely, for some voice saying to hold on a second. Nothing came.
Big Mac touched the doorknob and gently jiggled it. It was locked. He looked over, his eye catching the bright blue of a small bird statue sitting in a pile of rocks just beside the front entrance. A long time ago Caramel had shown him they kept a spare key underneath it, and that if they had plans to meet up but Caramel wasn’t home he could go ahead and let himself in. Mac wasn’t sure if right now was really the sort of time that called for that. He might be overstepping his bounds, or worse if Caramel was home and just didn’t want to see him…
Big Mac didn’t want to think about the latter. Thinking about it meant he also had to think about reasons why Caramel didn’t want to see him.
Big Macintosh hoped Caramel wouldn’t be mad. He made the choice to snatch the spare key from under the statue and jam it into the door which he opened slowly. It creaked and seemed to echo throughout the darkened house. Sunlight streamed into the home, but there were only two windows at the front whose light only went so far into the living room. Mac stepped inside.
“Sugarcube?” He called out.
Mac didn’t hear a reply. He went inside further and shut the door behind him. He had a sensation tingling on the back of his neck that reminded him when he did something very bad as a child and knew his parents were going to snap at him. This was a feeling he hadn’t had in a long time, and to feel it again here of all places made his chest feel icy.
Mac wandered into the familiar but barren home. Normally when he was here it seemed brighter. In the winter a fire was usually brewing just to his left and Caramel more often than not was drinking hot cocoa, his favorite drink during the cold season. Mac usually felt warm here when him and Caramel were alone together cozying up side by side on the couch and just enjoying the company and touch of each other. Right now it felt wrong just to be in here uninvited, but still he approached Caramel’s door.
“Caramel?” Mac asked, using Caramel’s real name instead of his nickname. He only did that when he was extra cautious about his words but also wanted Caramel to realize what he was saying was important. He touched the door, and to his surprise it pushed open. It hadn’t been clicked shut.
The room was dark, almost like night. The only signs of light before Mac cracked open the door were the slivers sneaking in from behind the drawn curtains. On the bed, Mac saw a lump piled under thick blankets slowly moving up and down. He pushed open the door more.
“Sugar?”
The lump under the blankets jerked and startled Mac, something not many ponies were able to do. It was then that Mac suddenly realized that Caramel had been sleeping, and he had just woken him up. Relief was so tempting to wash over his body. It would be easy to pass this off as a mistake and joke about it. Except for the fact that it was the afternoon and Caramel didn’t look like he had gotten out of bed at all.
“Ah!” Caramel made a startled noise when he shot up from the bed. The whole thing seemed to creak. He looked around, panicked and frantic at first before his eyes settled on the workhorse in the doorway to his room. “M-Mac! How’d you get in?”
“I got worried,” Big Macintosh said. He wanted to ask ‘are you okay’ but the whole thing was taking too long to process in his mind. He was confused, not sure if he should be upset at Caramel yet or not.
“We… you…” Caramel planted a hoof on his face and looked around.
Big Mac walked in uninvited and gave a sudden pull to the curtains. Caramel raised his hooves and opened his mouth, the word wait forming on his lips before those hooves turned into shields as Mac tugged and sunlight flooded the room. Caramel whined, and Mac realized he smelled something foul in the air. He didn’t recognize it at first, but when he got closer to Caramel he realized that his boyfriend had more than likely been drinking. He was hungover.
Big Macintosh caught a glimpse of his boyfriend in the light. He didn’t look… well. He had dark circles under his eyes, and they made Mac question just how long he had been asleep. His mane was ragged and greasy looking, signifying that he must not have showered since Mac saw him last. What worried Mac the most though were the fact that Caramel’s eyes were bloodshot in a regrettably familiar look. He had been crying.
“Date…” Caramel mumbled under his breath. Mac was just about to open his mouth and answer when Caramel’s eyes widened and he hit hooves to either side of his face. “O-Oh gosh we had a date!”
Caramel got out of bed frantically, nearly tripping because his hooves were so tangled in his bedsheets, and behind him left an impression in the mattress so deep that Mac had to wonder just how long he had been lying in bed.
“I-I forgot, I just overslept and I…” Caramel was rambling, and fast. Mac saw that his legs were shaking when he tried to walk and he ended up falling back onto his hind. Instantly a hoof shot to his forehead and he winced like a crippling headache suddenly had taken him over. “Ow…”
“Sugar!” Big Mac snapped. He crouched down and put a hoof on Caramel’s shoulders. He felt dirty and grimy, and smelled worse. Mac didn’t know if he had ever seen Caramel this bad other than when he was sick. “Calm down. What’s wrong?”
“N-Nothing!” Caramel stuttered like he had before and shook his head, but even that alone seemed to make him whine as he touched his other hoof to his forehead. “I’m fine, it’s okay, I’m just…”
“Sugar,” Mac repeated. He touched Caramel’s chin and tried to pull his head toward him. He moved in his lips to kiss his lover but Caramel turned away. Mac couldn’t remember a time where Caramel had ever turned away so coolly from a kiss. It hurt, but that feeling felt minor on top of everything else running through the workhorse’s mind.
“I’m fine,” Caramel repeated as he shook off Mac’s touch and stood up. He was still wobbly, but at least he was on his hooves. Mac was ready to catch him in case he lost balance again, but thankfully he simply went back to the bed and sat down at the edge of it. “I just couldn’t sleep. I must have slept in. I’m sorry.”
That was a lie. Well, maybe not. It certainly wasn’t the whole truth however. Caramel’s eyes had such dark rings under that he looked ten years older. He wouldn’t look Mac in the eye and wrapped his forelegs around himself in a hug.
“You’re drinking,” Big Macintosh said.
It wasn’t a question, but a fact. Mac hadn’t realized it until right this second what that foul smell had been, but hearing Caramel talk and smelling his breath he spoke out loud.
“Yeah,” Caramel mumbled. Mac’s belly sunk, not sure how to feel that he wasn’t even denying it. This wasn’t like Caramel at all.
“Sugar, what’s wrong?” Mac asked as he drew forward.
“Nothing’s wrong,” Caramel said. He sounded annoyed. “I just slept in is all. How did you even get in here? Sage locked up!”
“I…” Mac bit his lip. He felt guilty. “I remembered where you showed me the extra key was.”
How did this suddenly turn around to him being the one questioned? Caramel groaned and shook his head and Mac made a shameful step back. Caramel was now running hooves through his greasy mane and mumbling something under his breath about being tired. He made a noise, and if Mac trusted his ears enough it sounded like a sniffle.
“Sugar, what’s going on?” Big Macintosh insisted. “You don’t drink. Not like this, at least.”
“It wasn’t that much,” Caramel talked like he was being scolded by a parent. “I’m not underage or anything. We had some and I wanted it.”
This didn’t sound like his Caramel at all. Caramel was sweet and shy and giggly and nothing like the pony in front of him who in less than twenty four hours had made a complete one eighty in personality. He kept hugging himself.
“Are you hurt?” Mac asked when he stepped forward. “Nopony hurt you, did they?”
“No!” Caramel snapped when he shot his head up.
“I just…”
It had happened a few times before. Not everypony in Ponyville liked two stallions together. It had never turned physical, at least to Mac’s knowledge, but once or twice Caramel had told stories about how he had been bullied by some stallion twice his age for having a known boyfriend.
“Sugar, talk to me,” Mac said as he hunched down. “I ain’t mad, okay? I’m just worried. You look bad…”
Caramel was silent for a few moments. Mac realized very quickly he had said something bad when his face looked like it was scrunching up and ready to cry. He covered his eyes with one hoof and hunched slightly. Mac began to panic and went forward, putting both hooves on Caramel’s shoulders.
“W-Wait, Sugar, I didn’t mean it like that. You know I love you, I just… Did I screw up?”
“Shut up,” Caramel mumbled.
“Huh?” Mac asked. That was never something Caramel had said so seriously to him before.
“You wouldn’t get it,” Caramel shook his head and removed his hoof. His eyes looked wet, and it was obvious he was near crying again. “Just go away, I don’t want… I don’t want you to see me like this.”
Not once had Caramel ever told Big Mac to go away.
“Sugar, c’mon, let’s talk,” Mac said.
“I said you wouldn’t get it!” Caramel shouted when he hit Mac’s hooves away and pushed himself off the bed. He had one hoof glued to his forehead and pushing so hard Mac was scared he might be hurting himself. “I-I didn’t even say you could come in! Just please go away!”
Caramel was yelling now, but something in that please made Mac realize he was begging.
“I’m just tryin’ to help you!” Mac snapped back, louder than he realized. Now he was feeling that same energy too. Whatever Caramel was giving off seemed to soak into Mac and he could feel himself getting angry. Here he was worried sick about Caramel, about the pony he loved more than anything, and he was being yelled at and called nosy. “I waited an hour for you and you didn’t show up! You’re just here sleeping!”
“I said I was sorry!” Caramel shouted. He was on the verge of sobbing now.
The fire was extinguished fast in Mac’s chest. He didn’t mean what he said. Sure, he was annoyed about Caramel not showing up, but he knew that there was something here worse than Caramel being late. Still, he had been angry if even just for a second and said the wrong thing. Maybe they both felt the tension in the air snap the second Caramel’s voice began to choke and he showed a weakness he clearly didn’t want to be seen.
Caramel sunk back onto the bed and curled up. He wrapped his tail around himself and buried his face into his hooves.
“Go away,” Caramel was quiet now. He sounded like he was whimpering. Mac stood there dumbfounded for a second just looking at his lover’s shoulders tremble slightly. He opened his mouth to talk maybe three or four times in the next minute, but each time nothing came out but air.
When Big Macintosh turned to walk away his head was screaming at him. It was asking him what he was doing and why he wasn’t pushing more. It was asking him why he was giving up and walking away from the pony he loved. These voices didn’t quiet until he was outside and the door was shut behind him.
Mac stopped there, though. He sat down at the step in front of the door and mimicked what he had last seen Caramel doing. He buried his face into his hooves, except he didn’t cry. His eyes stung and his chest hurt but he didn’t cry. All he could hear over and over in his head was that he had made Caramel cry. They had never fought like that before, not where they had been reduced to yelling. Whenever they argued it was brief and lasted no more than a few minutes or days at the worst, but it never escalated past annoyance.
“Big Mac?”
Big Macintosh raised his head in a snap. For half a second he thought he saw Caramel, but then he saw the horn on top of the stallion’s head and realized it wasn’t the one he left inside.
Standing at the edge of the path leading up to the door Sage stood there. His own eyes were dark much like Caramel’s own, but he seemed much more put together. Still, just enough was off to make Big Macintosh question the situation all over again.
“Caramel is…” Mac said, trailing off because he had no idea how to put it. He had no idea how to explain the train wreck of events that had just happened. Sage had to know better than he did.
“What’s going on?” Big Mac questioned, pleading almost as he stood up.
“I…” Sage stopped, clearly thinking over what he was about to saw as he approached slowly. He looked down when he came forward.
“Can we talk?” Sage asked.
The place was pink. Sugar Cube Corner was always pink, of course, but right now it seemed obnoxiously pink and bright, and worst of all happy. When Sage asked to talk, Big Macintosh had pictured someplace private or alone. Not someplace where the smell in the air made his mouth water and the black coffee he had in front of him tasted like it was laced with sugar just by being here. It didn’t fit the mood, to be blunt. Mac was still struggling to put his mind at ease, and to explain to Sage what had happened.
“Caramel likes it here,” Sage said after Mac had finished. It was off topic and made Mac annoyed. He had been stirring his coffee for a good three minutes now. It was beyond long enough for the cream to mix properly and now each time the metal clanked against the mug Mac’s ear twitched. “He doesn’t come here often though since he’s worried about getting chubbier than he already is.”
Big Macintosh was indifferent to Caramel’s brother. The doctor was somepony who he didn’t hate, but he also couldn’t say he liked him. If it weren’t for Caramel in the picture, he doubted the two would even bother to say hello when they spotted each other in public. He may have had Caramel’s face, but the eyes didn’t fill Mac with that same sensation of warm he more often than not got from looking into Caramel’s own. Sage was colder and more calculating than Caramel, always thinking ahead of how best to talk instead of fumbling through situations that seemed awkward. Mac could recall only one time in the past where Sage had invited him out alone, and it was wasn’t the most pleasant of conversations. It was where Mac learned of Caramel’s past, and he supposed by extension Sage’s own. Caramel never knew about that, so he let his boyfriend spill the details of his mother as time went on so Mac could listen and comfort him as such. He never wanted Caramel to feel exposed or like he knew a secret he had been hiding.
“Sage,” Mac said.
“Sorry,” Sage muttered when shaking his head slowly. He seemed out of it just like Caramel had been, though instead of going through a tornado Sage looked more like he had been through an unpleasant rain.
Somewhere in the background Pinkie Pie was manning the counter and humming a tune to herself a she rung out guests and wished them a super dee duper special very happy day. When she had wished that to Mac earlier he couldn’t even bring himself to smile, however he did notice that she had given him a medium coffee mug instead of a small like he had asked for without charging more.
“Look just… Last night something happened,” Sage said. “Caramel didn’t want to blow you off. He seemed like he wanted to go. We both just kind of forgot about that… you weren’t supposed to show up.”
“What happened?” Mac pushed. “Nopony hurt him, right?”
Sage frowned. Mac’s belly twisted.
“Just… read this,” Sage grumbled. He reached into his lab coat and pulled out a paper. It was light pink, and Sage touched it like it was dirty and held it by the edges. It had a smell that overpowered the sugar in the building. Mac recognized it as perfume, and he only knew that because Applejack’s friend Rarity liked to hang around from time to time. Only this smelled more pungent and packed on, not delicate at all.
Big Macintosh read over the letter. It was short, brief, to the point and all around pleasant. It wasn’t until Mac read the last line that he realized why he was being shown this.
“His mom,” Mac mumbled out loud.
“our Mom,” Sage said when he slapped his hoof on top of the letter hard enough to make Mac’s coffee tremble in the mug. “She wants money.”
Big Macintosh felt his belly twist uncomfortably at the way Sage talked about his mother. He had never heard anypony talk about it with such poisonous and vile hatred like they were saying a dirty word. His face scrunched and looked angry at even allowing the thought of the mare to cross his mind. Mac bit the inside of his cheek.
“How do you know?” Mac asked.
“Because she always wants money,” Sage said when he snapped back the letter and stuffed it back into his coat. “I just don’t know how the hell she found out where we lived. She hasn’t known our address in five years. We moved too much, we…”
Sage trailed off and buried both hooves into his face. It was now that Big Macintosh was starting to see the cracks in Sage’s persona. Whatever strong face he was putting on for the public, and more importantly Caramel, it wasn’t perfect. It took him a moment to compose himself before he lowered his hooves and let his nasty glare land on his cup of coffee.
“That’s not important,” Sage mumbled with a shake of his head.
Mac stared at the letter. There were times where Caramel was shy and apologized for little reason. There were times where in the middle of the night he would tense up if suddenly awoken by a large noise and wake Mac up by hugging him just to assure he was there beside him. Somewhere in the back of his mind all this time Mac had wondered if the reason for that was the past of his boyfriend in which he had been given in bits and pieces. He didn’t talk about his mother the same way Sage did. If Sage spoke about the mare like a nasty word, Caramel spoke about her like a nightmare.
“Was she bad enough to… to make him act like that,” Mac asked.
“Are you kidding?” Sage questioned. Mac flattened his ears and instantly realized from Sage’s expression that that might have been the worst question to ask. “She yelled all the time. She used to hit us when we annoyed her until we got stronger than her. Hell, Caramel never got stronger than her and she would still do it to him when I wasn’t around.”
Sage was speaking quietly but angrily. He kept looking around to assure that nopony was eavesdropping on their conversation. He tapped his hoof five times on the table, each hit harder than the last.
“Sorry,” Mac said quickly. “I didn’t mean to make you mad.”
“Do you know what it’s like?” Sage growled. “To have everybody who knows about this ask if it was really that bad? To have them act like you’re a bad son because you ‘exaggerate’ about how awful she was to you? Hell, when she found out Caramel liked stallions she…”
Sage was getting angry. He was almost trembling. Mac stared, wishing he could take back that stupid question he had asked.
Caramel had told it to him once. When he was younger he knew he only liked stallions. Big Macintosh liked both mares and stallions, but didn’t know the latter until meeting Caramel. Caramel however hid it from everypony for years, thinking it was something he could train himself to feel differently about. He said he heard his mother talk about stallions who loved each other like they were a disease more than once. When Sage found out it was because he was crying alone to himself in their room late at night, upset because after so long he couldn’t turn back the thoughts he knew he was having. Thinking about it now made Mac sick, and even more guilty for snapping earlier.
“I worked my ass off trying to get away from her,” Sage said when he hit the table. That caught the attention of other ponies, but only for a second because he loosened. “She used to mail us all the time begging for us to come back but somehow after all those moves to different cities we shook her. I thought that… I thought she was finally gone.”
“Caramel,” Mac said, swallowing hard. “He… He’s scared of her?”
Sage was quiet. For some reason the lack of an answer scared Big Macintosh more than anything.
“He just… freaked out last night,” Sage shook his head when he finally spoke. Mac was overly aware Sage was avoiding the question. “When he finally calmed down he just went straight for the wine I had in the cupboard and I didn’t even try to stop him. I thought he was just dealing better than I was… Hell I didn’t sleep at all last night.”
Mac stared into his coffee. His legs were tense. He kept thinking about Caramel and how awful he had looked. He wished he had pressed more, and wished he hadn’t walked away.
“Why didn’t he tell me?” Mac mumbled. He wasn’t sure if it was a question Sage could even answer, even more so if he had even intended it to be for Sage or if he was just thinking out loud.
“I don’t know,” Sage shook his head. “I don’t know if I’m surprised or not… he tells you everything, doesn’t he?”
Mac couldn’t deny that.
Sage rubbed at his temple and took in a deep sigh. Mac heard the slightest hint of a shake that the unicorn managed to mask with a grunt. Whatever he had in him that was breaking it was clear now that he was regaining composure.
“He’s just scared,” Sage said. Mac saw the way he gripped his coffee mug and realized that silently Sage was saying he was as well. “She said she wanted to come here. She used to come around uninvited whenever she knew where we lived. She always asked for money even if it took her days of lurking around.”
More bitterness in his tone.
“It’s always money,” Sage grumbled.
There was history there that Big Macintosh couldn’t even begin to understand. All he knew right now, or at least thought he knew, was that Caramel was probably still lying in bed possibly crying and terrified that the mare he thought of like the boogiepony might come around any day now. He held his breath for a moment, and with every ounce of energy he had he tried to think.
“We’ll go away,” Mac said suddenly.
“Huh?” Sage asked, looking up.
“I’ll take Caramel away,” Big Macintosh said when he looked up. “Just for a little while. Few weeks, maybe. Get him out of here just to clear his head.”
“Where in Equestria would you take him?” Sage asked. He didn’t seem against the idea yet, which made Mac feel a bit more confident.
“Appleloosa,” Big Macintosh said with a nod. “I have a family reunion coming up. I could get away for a bit and say I’m helping set all that up.”
Caramel’s pillow was wet. An hour ago, he thought there was no possible way he could have cried more than he already had. He had started to feel numb to whatever anxieties were floating around in his chest, but Mac’s visit had done nothing but bring a whole new batch of it all. He bit his lip as his shoulders gently shook.
Stupid.
Stupid.
Stupid.
This chant repeated over and over in his head. Each time a tear fell from his eye and soaked into the already damp pillow sheet he felt his body tighten and scream the word at him again. He was stupid for crying, stupid for going right back into bed and burying himself under the blankets, and stupid for yelling at Big Macintosh like he had. At least that’s what he told himself. Any time a sob escaped his throat it was instantly muffled by his teeth sinking into his lip. He didn’t want to make noise. He wanted to be quiet and cry alone where nopony would bother him. He didn’t want to draw attention to himself. He curled up tighter, his legs pulling up against his belly, and wished he could grow smaller.
Caramel heard a sound. His ear flicked, and he recognized it as the main door to the house opening. He didn’t know what time it was because he had lost complete track of it. He had probably been crying for about thirty minutes, only now his deepest sobs starting to sink back into him and turn into the occasional gentle whimper. He rolled onto his side and faced the wall away from his doorway.
Caramel heard hoofsteps against the tile of the kitchen floor. When they drew closer to his own room he wanted to whisper ‘pass me’ again and again. He knew it was Sage, and wanted more than anything to be left alone. The hoofsteps stopped, and then his door creaked. His wish would not be granted today.
“Cara?” His brother’s voice came. Caramel did not roll over. He didn’t want his brother to see him. He didn’t want anybody to see him, really.
“What?” Caramel asked.
It sounded as bitter as it tasted coming out of his mouth. He didn’t mean for it to sound so rough he just didn’t want it to sound so obvious that he had been crying. Somehow, he knew that only he had been crying today and Sage had held it together. That’s the difference between them, and what other foals in school used to tease them about. Caramel was a crybaby while Sage got mad. He recalled the night before and sometime late at night where the two pretended to retreat into their rooms to sleep he heard a crash. He imagined his brother punching the wall or worse throwing something at it, but hadn’t gone to check. He didn’t seem angry now, at least not as ferociously so.
“I just wanted to check up on you,” Sage said when he approached. It was a stern voice. The kind of voice he used when talking to Caramel as a doctor, not a brother. He approached, and Caramel could tell because the shadow on the wall was beginning to move. He still didn’t turn over even when he felt weight fall onto the bed beside him and a hoof touch the foreleg that Caramel hadn’t buried under the covers.
Caramel wanted to say ‘go away’ but didn’t. He couldn’t trust his voice to stay steady and not tremble.
“You okay?”
That was a stupid question, Caramel thought. How could he be okay? How could you be okay is what Caramel wanted to ask. He held his tongue still.
“C’mon, Cara,” Sage said. Now he was putting on his brother voice. “Talk to me.”
“I…” Caramel opened his mouth and closed it when his lower jaw began to tremble. He felt weak and pathetic suddenly and his eyes stung again. He turned his face into the pillow so his words muffled. “I did something stupid, Sage.”
Sage’s hoof rubbed Caramel’s shoulder tenderly. This was familiar in the most awful of ways. It was something Caramel wanted to forget and thought he had forgotten until the night before when that letter barely more than a paragraph long forced so many memories back into him. Nights where he would talk to Sage about what their mother had done or said when he was home sick from school and alone with her. Awful things he had heard her say about and to him that he believed to be true that Sage denied again and again. He felt sick now.
“I heard what happened,” Sage said. “I ran into Mac.”
Caramel’s blood ran cold. His eyes widened and instinctively he sat up. He forgot about his wet cheeks and how obvious it was that he was crying. He felt petrified.
“What?” Caramel asked. It was a dumb response but it was all Caramel could think to give.
Sage glanced away, seemingly guilty. His ears flattened slightly as he removed his glasses to slowly clean then with his white coat. Suddenly Caramel heard something that startled him, making him jump. It sounded like a click, and then a rush of water in a stream coming from down the hall.
“What was that?” Caramel asked. He already knew the answer, because it was the only one that made sense.
“Big Mac’s here,” Sage said. “I told him what happened and he wants to…”
“No!” Caramel said. He wanted to sound angry so why did it come out so scared? He put both hooves over either side of his head and shook his head. “N-No, he can’t be back, I… I just…”
“Cara,” Sage raised his hooves and tugged at Caramel’s own. He put up a fight, but eventually gave in to Sage pulling at him. He still sat there trembling and stared at the empty bundle of blankets lodged between them. If he listened in the silence he could hear Mac moving around in the other room. He couldn’t let Mac see him again, not like this. “Listen to me. Mac knows and he wants to help. I think you should listen to him.”
“Why did you drag him back here?” Caramel asked, his voice hushed in a whisper as he snatched Sage’s hoof and squeezed at it. “I just… He doesn’t want to see me he…”
Caramel was talking fast and a bit hysterically now. His chest was heaving fast and it was only the sound of big, heavy hoofsteps approaching that made him even think it was time to slow down. He hunched over and gripped a hoof over his chest when he saw his half-closed doorway begin to crack open once more.
“Shower’s all set,” Big Macintosh said. “Sugar?”
Why was Big Mac calling him that? Why did he sound normal and not angry? Why was all of this happening so soon after their fight. Caramel couldn’t force himself to look up and see the stallion he knew was there. He felt Sage’s hoof touch his own.
“Can you just get cleaned up?” Sage asked. “Then we’ll talk.”
Caramel listened. He didn’t know why he listened but he did. Maybe it was just an excuse to get away from Mac and into another room where so many eyes wouldn’t be on him, but he let Sage pull him out of bed. When he passed Mac by the frame of his bedroom he didn’t look up, but caught sight of his red legs. He struggled to think right now when he approached the steamy shower and closed the door behind him. He pressed his ear to the door and heard mumbling, but nothing he could make out.
It was a long time before Caramel went into the shower. When he did go in, it was a long time before he could convince himself to come out. He stood there for a while, then eventually sat. He didn’t grab for soap or anything, just let the steaming water hit the back of his neck and pour down his spine. His head felt thick as though just thinking was like treading through molasses. He hadn’t been hungover more than a few times in his life, but he would have to say this right now was his worst. He threw up once today, after Sage had left, but right now knowing Mac was in his home still after their fight made a similar sensation rise in his belly.
Caramel didn’t get out until he heard a knock on the door.
“You okay, Sugar?”
Mac’s voice. Suddenly Caramel was reminded of a time that felt ancient right now. A little over two years ago Mac stood right outside the same door knocking while Caramel showered. It had been right after their first time together. Caramel had been giddy, scared, curious what it meant for the two of them. He remembered hurting, but also being happy. He remembered Mac asking if he was okay because he had been in there a long time. Caramel really had just been working up the courage to see the pony he knew he loved even back then again after something so major. Back then Mac’s voice had been reassuring and warm. Now it filled him with dread.
“Fine,” Caramel responded.
He shut off the shower and stood there until his mane stopped dripping. He hadn’t used soap, but the general grime of laying around all day had washed off him. He hated to admit it but he felt a little better.
Caramel grabbed his towel and exited the room with it hanging over his head. He kept his head down when he walked down the hall into the living room and stood at the edge between the two. He glanced up, seeing Mac’s eye for the first time since he had left. He didn’t look angry… Caramel didn’t know why but he felt like he deserved angry.
“Cara,” Sage was the first to speak. He rose from his seat beside Mac on the couch. He was holding something in his hooves that he set down at the coffee table, and Caramel realized from the smell in the air he had made tea. It seemed so normal, which is what made it feel so off. “Hey, you okay?”
There was no right way to answer that question right now.
“Mmm,” Caramel responded. Sage frowned. “Did you bring Mac here just so we could make up?”
Big Macintosh’s ears flattened and Caramel winced. He didn’t want it to sound like that or come out so annoyed. He screwed up again.
“No, just… come sit down, Cara,” Sage said with a forced smile.
Caramel was led to the couch where he sat on the opposite side from Mac. It felt so unusual to sit so far away from his boyfriend, but he didn’t feel right snuggling like nothing had happened. He looked to Mac once, who was trying to smile.
“Sugar,” Mac was the first to talk just when Sage was settling down at a chair to the side close to Caramel. “Sage told me ‘bout everything. The letter, how you’ve been, all of it. I ain’t mad.”
Caramel’s body tightened. He didn’t know how to respond to that.
“Oh,” Was all he said. It felt… dumb. He lowered his own ears. Why was this so hard? He loved Big Macintosh. He shared everything with Big Macintosh. Yet right now he felt clamped shut like talking was near impossible.
“We talked,” Sage reaffirmed. “And… You’ve been handling this poorly.”
“I’m fine,” Caramel said. He knew he was lying, and he had a good idea that both Sage and Big Macintosh knew as well.
“It’s okay to be scared of her,” Sage continued.
“What the heck?” Caramel snapped. “I-I’m not scared of Mom!”
Caramel knew his voice shook. It wasn’t the most helpful proof to his claim as he stared at Sage, who looked away and bit on the inside of his cheek.
“Still,” Sage continued. By the tone of his voice he wasn’t convinced by Caramel’s statement. “You remember how she gets when she wants to see us? She comes over with barely any warning and gets all mad, then it blows over and she goes away for a while. I think that maybe… Maybe it’d be best if you just went away for a bit.”
“Huh?” Caramel asked.
“Sugar,” Big Mac’s voice came. Caramel turned to him. “Earlier today I… I was gonna ask if you wanted to come to Appleloosa with me in a few weeks. For the reunion and all. I figured we could go early. Stay with my cousin.”
Big Macintosh looked sheepish. Caramel realized fast and with a painful strike of guilt that this wasn’t how this was supposed to come out. It may have supposed to have been romantic or important, not something casually said.
“I wanted you there,” Big Macintosh added, smiling as though it might help.
“Wait,” Caramel said. He stood up from the couch and Sage followed as though he were on edge. It made Caramel want to glare at him but he resisted, staring at the floor and shaking his head. “You just want me to run away from all of this until it blows over? Are you coming?”
“I can’t,” Sage said with a shake of his head. “Caramel I have the hospital, okay? She was always harder on you. I can handle her and you…”
“I can’t?” Caramel snapped angrily as he took a step forward. His hoof echoed on the floor. “You’re saying I can’t handle it like you can?”
“You don’t need to deal with it!” Sage snapped back.
It was the first time Sage had shown any strong emotion since he got home. It took Caramel aback a bit.
“This isn’t grit and bare it until the annoying parents stop visiting, Cara,” Sage said with a shake of his head. “I don’t want her here period. We both know how bad she is! Whenever she used to come around you were a mess for days and I was too pissed at her to help you at all, okay? I don’t want that again!”
Sage sounded closer to hysteria now. He turned his head away and shut his eyes.
“I have the hospital,” Sage repeated. “The only thing that might keep you here is Mac, and he’s the one going with you. If I can’t come I trust him more than anypony to be there with you.”
Big Macintosh made a sort of noise. Nopony had to acknowledge that it might have been the most touching thing Sage had ever said about Big Macintosh. Never mean, but always neutral Sage looked to Mac and silently nodded his head.
“I…” Caramel trailed off, trying to find some argument in his head. His thoughts were quickly deteriorating and turning into mush. “I can’t just… run away from this because it’s scary.”
“Sugar,” Mac’s voice came. Not only that, but a body came close to him and embraced him. Caramel felt his eyes sting. “You ain’t running from nopony that’s worth your time?”
Caramel realized right then how badly he didn’t want to be alone right now. He realized how much he wanted Mac to hold him like this right now. His eyes stung so badly he couldn’t see out of them and he was forced to keep them shut. Mac squeezed.
“Cara,” Sage said. “Please, just… think rationally. You are not abandoning me you’re just taking a breather.”
“Will you come with me?” Big Macintosh asked. “Please, Sugar.”
Caramel bit the inside of his cheek. He knew he was going to start crying again soon, and he wasn’t sure if he could stop it.
“Okay,” He mumbled.
Caramel nibbled pitifully at his wrap. It was food bought at a train station, so it wasn’t exactly amazing. He had tried to tell Big Macintosh he wasn’t hungry, but the workhorse seemed to have a nose for telling just exactly when Caramel was lying or not. He hadn’t eaten since last night, but even so the simple task of eating felt like something that had to be forced out of him.
It was evening now. The sky wasn’t exactly dark yet, but well on its way with an amber shade hitting just where the treetops met the clouds. The waiting area of the station was outside, so a gentle breeze blew at Caramel’s mane. Not many ponies were headed anywhere this time of night, so the station was empty aside from those few waiting for transfers or waiting to greet friends and family. Caramel glanced down at his small bag of luggage sitting next to Mac’s even smaller one.
Caramel glanced to his side to see Big Mac at the ticket counter talking and exchanging bits.
Not once in their relationship did Caramel think the two of them would ever be the couple to do something like this. Going somewhere on a whim seemed almost too childish for Mac’s style. He tried to think if the two had ever even taken a trip somewhere together but couldn’t recall anything major. Mac had said he had stopped off at home before coming back to Caramel’s to grab his things and to tell his family goodbye. He said he told them he just wanted to go help with reunion preparations and thought it might be a good excuse to take Caramel along. It was easy, believable, and pretty much the truth.
Big Macintosh was walking back now. He went up to the bench with Caramel and held a reassuring smile when he handed Caramel a small ticket on golden paper with ‘One Adult to Appleloosa 2 Bed Cart’ in big black writing.
“Two beds?” Caramel asked with a raise of his brow.
“I,” Mac trailed off. Caramel looked up at his face and he seemed sheepish suddenly. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to sleep in the same bed as me after… I snapped earlier. It’s overnight and all. Kind of a long trip.”
Caramel’s belly twisted up like a bunch of knots. He set down the bit of wrap he was eating in the plastic container it had come in and squeezed at it until it began to crinkle at his touch.
“It don’t taste good?” Mac asked.
“I don’t… I’m not…”
Caramel’s eyes were stinging. He hated how over emotional he was today. He raised a hoof to wipe at his eyes though no tears had fallen yet. Mac touched his hoof and squeezed it gently. Caramel didn’t have to look at his boyfriend to know exactly what sort of worried look he was giving. It was the kind where Mac worried he had done something wrong.
“Sugar?”
“I’m just an idiot,” Caramel mumbled.
“No you ain’t!” Mac said. It was sudden and loud. Given the reaction time on him saying it Caramel was half tempted to chuckle.
“Yes I am,” Caramel shook his head slowly. “I yelled at you like an idiot and told you to leave like an idiot and…”
“Stop saying that,” Big Macintosh said. His tone was stern. He pulled down Caramel’s hoof and touched at his chin. Without warning he kissed Caramel. Not once, but twice. The first was quick, just testing waters, and the second was slower and allowed Caramel time to calm his breathing. When they parted, Mac smiled. “Nopony’s blaming you. You ain’t stupid.”
“I thought you wouldn’t get it,” Caramel said when he shook his head. “I just thought… If I talked to you about it you’d…”
“I’d what?” Mac asked.
“You lost your parents,” Caramel said. He squeezed the wrap container tighter. “I can’t imagine what that’s like. I ran away from mine.”
Big Macintosh’s hoof touched the top of Caramel’s hairline and brushed it aside. It was silent, but enough of a touch to comfort Caramel.
“I thought maybe you’d start asking things I didn’t want to hear,” Caramel said. “Like why I’m taking even having a mom for granted. Or why am I avoiding her when I should just be happy she’s around not like… Sorry, I shouldn’t.”
“Sugar,” Mac said. His tone was stern suddenly, and made Caramel look up. His face was near impossible to read from how stone-like it looked. “My Ma and Pa loved me. I ain’t got nothin’ but a bunch of good memories regarding them. Can you think of one happy one with your Mom?”
“I… I don’t know,” Caramel said. He felt ashamed, like he was being a disappointment in trying to think of the tiniest thing he liked about his childhood. Everything happy was with Sage, not his mother.
“Some ponies ain’t worth it,” Big Macintosh said. He took Caramel’s hoof and put it to his chest, squeezing it tightly.
The Apples were so much about family. They cared deeply about each other no matter what in a way Caramel couldn’t even understand to be possible. None of it made sense to him when he first met them, and it was still a struggle to wrap his mind around. Not once had Big Macintosh ever spoken poorly of any of his family with anything serious.
“I wanted to bring you to this reunion,” Big Macintosh said. “I wanted to show you off cause I love you, Caramel. You’re important to me, got it?”
Caramel bit his cheek.
“I ain’t scared to make cuts, either,” Big Macintosh said. “Ponies don’t like me dating you and can’t get over it, I’ll cut them out. Sometimes that’s all you can do, Sugarcube.”
Caramel looked down and squeezed his hooves.
“Is that right to do?” Caramel asked. “Just cut them out for no reason. I wonder that sometimes, y’know? If I could have done it better, I mean."
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh said. “She lost her chance a long time ago, Sugar. I love you, and so does Sage, and I know my family will too.”
Caramel was silent a long time. He leaned over and into Big Macintosh, burying his muzzle into his chest. His eyes continued to sting, but he didn’t feel as bad. He didn’t talk, didn’t need to really. Mac said all that needed to be said. He just wanted to sit there with the pony he loved and forget any confusing questions about what he was doing and stop asking himself if it was right or wrong to pick up and leave. He wanted to believe this was right, and more importantly that it was okay.
“I don’t want to sleep in different beds,” Caramel mumbled.
Caramel heard Big Macintosh chuckle, and it made him smile.
Big Macintosh felt his forelegs involuntarily squeeze around the stallion whose back was pressed firmly to his belly. The bed was small, but big enough for two if they squeezed. It was probably lucky that Caramel and Big Macintosh already squeezed in bed even if they had the option of sleeping in a king. The bunk above them in which Big Macintosh had gotten in case Caramel wanted space was filed with what belongings the two had taken with them. It wasn’t much. Mac hadn’t taken much time to think about packing and just took what he thought necessary. Caramel wasn’t very talkative of what he wanted to bring either, so Mac brought a bit of everything when he helped pack.
A squirm. Mac stirred slightly from his light sleep when he felt the body in his forelegs squirm. It was dark, but the moon was full enough for it to drape in from the window down onto their bed. Mac’s muzzle was buried into Caramel’s neck, thankful for the scent of his lover so close to him to make him feel at home. Though he hadn’t exactly found time to sleep soundly, it did take him a few moments to remember that the rumbling train cart was not his home.
Caramel squirmed out of bed and away from the covers. Big Mac cracked open his eyes for a moment to see his boyfriend’s shadowy figure slink off without looking back. He laid in bed for a while longer, the temptation to fall right back asleep strong. He waited five minutes, then ten. He had assumed Caramel was just using the bathroom, but after fifteen minutes the workhorse groaned and sat up.
Big Macintosh yawned and touched his hooves to the vibrating floor of their train cart. It was small and tight fitting for a pony of Mac’s size. He squirmed out towards the door where Caramel had gone and saw rows of other rooms all around. He glanced around wearily as he rubbed his heavy eyelids and finally saw the sight of a pony at a window straight ahead. Their cart was at the back of the train, and Caramel had gone to the back at the railing to sit and stare at the passing landscapes.
When Big Macintosh approached the door and slid it open he saw Caramel jump and look over his shoulder. His eyes still had dark circles under them and his mane was still slightly messy, but it was world’s better than he had looked the previous day.
“M-Mac,” Caramel stuttered. “Did I wake you up? I’m sorry.”
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh mumbled when he took his first step off the carpeted interior of the train and onto the cold metal of the balcony. It was windy out here, and with Winter being so fresh it was icy on Mac’s body. The sight of trees and grassy fields passed them somewhere in the time they had gone to bed and were now replaced by mountains and sandy looking hills with grass a rare sight. Caramel stared out with wide eyes.
“I couldn’t sleep,” Caramel mumbled.
Big Macintosh touched Caramel’s shoulder. He was cold. His eyes widened and he approached Caramel, draping his own body over the smaller and wrapping his hooves under Caramel’s forelegs with his own hind legs on either side of the other. To his relief, Caramel didn’t squirm or whine, but giggled. It felt like forever since he had heard Caramel laugh.
“It’s cold out here,” Big Macintosh said.
Caramel shrugged.
“I don’t mind it.”
Big Macintosh buried his muzzle into Caramel’s mane. He was tempted to close his eyes and allow sleep to catch back up to him. Despite the wind and vibration under his backside it was comforting just to have Caramel against him. He fought these urges and stared out at the landscapes with Caramel and moved his lips to his lover’s ear and playfully nibbled with his teeth. Not rough, but enough to make Caramel squirm slightly.
“I don’t think I’ve ever met your family,” Caramel said. He said it in a way that Big Mac wasn’t entirely sure it was meant for him or just a thought spoken out loud. “I mean, aside from the ones back in Ponyville.”
Big Macintosh thought for a moment.
“Nope,” He said, releasing Caramel’s captive ear from his lips and shaking his head. The bottom side of his chin was tickled by Caramel’s ruffled mane hair.
“Do…” Caramel started, but then stopped. He reached down his hoof and touched it over Big Macintosh’s own which was currently residing on his round, soft belly. “Do they know about me? Or… you, I mean.”
“Nope,” Big Macintosh said, a little quieter this time.
“Mmm,” Caramel made a noise. “I was just thinking… about what you said, I mean. How you’d cut them out of your life if they couldn’t get used to me.”
“I mean it,” Big Macintosh said with a positive voice. He kissed the top of Caramel’s head. “I love you, Caramel.”
Caramel squirmed slightly. It was one of the things Big Macintosh loved about his boyfriend. Caramel never got entirely used to that little tingle in his belly whenever he was told he was loved, or cute, or attractive. He still blushed over the smallest things like an unexpected kiss and giggled whenever Mac flirted with him. Every reaction Caramel gave was as though it was still the first time he was being told these things, and it made Mac feel just as tingly as he assumed Caramel felt.
“I love you too,” Caramel said under his breath in a whisper as though it were some secret. Mac didn’t need to see his cheeks to know he was blushing.
The workhorse went back to nibbling gently at Caramel’s ear for a few moments. He enjoyed the sensation of his lover occasionally squirming against his chest and belly. He laid his muzzle on Caramel’s head and took in his scent. It really was calling him back to sleep.
“Mac?” Caramel asked.
Big Macintosh’s eyes opened.
“Eeyup?” He questioned.
“Did… Did you want me here?”
It was a strange question, but a kind that chased off any sensation of sleep that Mac might have been hearing the call of. He sat up, pushing back from Caramel’s body in hopes that his boyfriend would turn and meet his eye, but he didn’t. Instead, Mac stood up and went to the railing beside Caramel. He was staring down at the tracks that raced under them, his eyes not really focused as if he were looking at something beyond the speeding ground.
“What do you mean, Sugar?”
“I mean… None of your family knows about me,” Caramel said. “I remember how Applejack and Granny Smith reacted. Did you really want me here as your date to complicate things?”
Big Macintosh frowned. The last thing he wanted Caramel to worry about right now was how his family would react to the two of them. As much as he wanted to he couldn’t force himself to say that Caramel shouldn’t worry about it. Big Macintosh, as much as he tried, knew that he couldn’t ignore the elephant in the room that would be the involuntary reaction to ponies of seeing him dating another stallion. He accepted this as part of his life when him and Caramel decided to be a couple. The process of coming out wasn’t a onetime thing as he had been led to believe. It was a never-ending routine to come out again and again to family and friends and even strangers. Always there was that need and question in his mind when interacting with somebody he didn’t know if they had to know. Correcting them that he was talking about a boyfriend and not a girlfriend, being hit on when with Caramel at a bar because mares thought they were friends, and now even with his own extended family. Mac had learned that rarely if ever a pony would ask about his lover and think it was a stallion without clarification. He had lost count of how many times he had come out to ponies he would never see again.
Big Macintosh was quiet for maybe too long, because Caramel spoke again before the workhorse had the chance to respond.
“I mean, this isn’t just because you thought I needed to get away and it was a good reason, right? I don’t want your family to… hate you.”
“Sugar,” Big Macintosh made sure not to be silent this time. “I promise you, this is what I wanted.”
“Mmm,” Caramel made another noise. He still sounded unconvinced and wouldn’t meet Mac’s eye.
“Sugar,” Big Macintosh repeated, more stern this time. Caramel looked up to him finally and their eyes met. “On the date that you missed…”
Caramel looked guilty suddenly. Big Macintosh bit his cheek and wanted to say something about how he shouldn’t look sad, but pushed the thought aside.
“I asked you to meet on the bench where…”
“We first kissed,” Caramel finished. A bit of emotion betrayed his melancholy expression when Caramel smiled at the memory. “I was talking to Sage about what you wanted to talk about. He thought you wanted to talk about us and what we were gonna do in the future.”
“I was,” Big Macintosh said.
“I think he meant more like… Where we were headed,” Caramel shrugged.
“Oh,” Big Macintosh blinked and looked down.
A memory cropped up in the workhorse’s head. He was suddenly reminded of when he was young and riding in the back of the cart his father was dragging around the farm. He was being told about how their mother was starting to talk about grandkids and wondering when one of her kids would bring a wife or husband home. Big Macintosh didn’t really get it then, but he remembered his father telling him that when that day came he better make sure it was somepony he loved and would care about like he did to his own wife. It didn’t really make sense back then. Big Macintosh didn’t know what romantic love was like outside of stories childish descriptions. He used to look at mares older than him and ask if he could love them, but never stallions. The fairy tales his mother used to read to him were never about two stallions, always a mare and a stallion. It didn’t seem like a possibility until he was older, but he never questioned it.
“Do you wanna talk about that?” Big Macintosh asked.
“I dunno,” Caramel shrugged and avoided Mac’s eyes.
That was a yes. Big Macintosh could read inbetween the lines on Caramel like nopony else. He always looked away when he wasn’t being entirely truthful.
“Er…” Big Macintosh sat back down, this time next to Caramel. Truth be told he had never thought about something as serious as marriage with Caramel, much less anypony. It always felt distant and far off. “Where do we start, exactly?”
“H-How should I know?” Caramel asked. He was hooking both his hooves up at the bar near his chin when he spoke and squeezing.
This was perhaps a bad conversation to have at near three in the morning outside a train where the two were currently already on the road to what seemed like such a big event for Big Macintosh. This was supposed to be his problem to worry about, not Caramel’s. His family, and his coming out. Caramel was just going to get caught in the crossfire if things went poorly, and that was the last thing Mac wanted.
“Well… I really did want you with me at this reunion,” Big Macintosh said. “We’re just going a little early.”
“Really?” Caramel looked to Mac.
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh said with a small grin. “I was gonna take you out to lunch at your favorite place, then we’d go to the park and talk where nopony else was. I wanted to surprise you, and make sure you wanted it too.”
“I do,” Caramel admitted, albeit quietly.
Big Macintosh grinned wider.
“Okay, now you go,” Big Macintosh said.
“H-Huh?” Caramel snapped back.
“I said something.” Big Macintosh shrugged. “Now it’s your turn.”
“Ugh,” Caramel looked like he might get sick again and looked down. He didn’t look scared, more just panicked about what he should bring up. He bit his lip and Big Macintosh waited patiently.
“Maybe… Do you ever think about moving in with me?” Caramel looked to be blushing, but it was hard to tell in only the glow of the moonlight and stars. “I mean like, away from your family and me without Sage. A place together.”
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh said instantly.
Caramel gave a yelp like he had been shocked.
“T-That fast?” Caramel asked.
Big Macintosh shrugged again.
“I dunno when,” Big Macintosh said. “I wanna be close to my family, but I like it when I fall asleep near you. I still wanna go to dinner with them and pick up Apple Bloom from school and all that, but I wanna live in a place with you.”
“How long have you been thinking about this?” Caramel asked.
“A while,” Big Macintosh answered.
“I… I want that too,” Caramel nodded slowly. “You again, okay?”
“Hmm.” Big Macintosh put his hoof on his chin. “What about marriage?”
“I…” That was the first thing that left Caramel speechless.
“I ain’t sayin’ I’ve been thinking about it for next month,” Big Macintosh said.
“I don’t know,” Caramel shook his head. This topic seemed to make him visibly uncomfortable. It was as if this had been something he had never even considered seriously and now it was being thrown in his face. “I dunno if I’m ready for that… I don’t see any reason why we’d break up, either.”
“Me neither,” Big Macintosh grinned.
“O-Okay,” Caramel nodded his head and shut his eyes. “I think that’s all I wanted to talk about… D-Did I do okay?”
“How should I know?” Big Macintosh threw back what Caramel said before with a bit of a grin. He was glad to see Caramel’s anxiety seemed to lessen as he rolled his eyes. He glanced away. “You wanna go back in, Sugarcu-”
Big Macintosh was surprised by the sudden weight thrown against him. He had looked away for maybe half a second before Caramel’s lips seemed to magnetize themselves against him and he was suddenly forced to embrace the other. His eyes were wide but Caramel’s were shut. It was forceful and nervous at first, but when Caramel relaxed so did Big Macintosh. The initial surprise wore off and Big Macintosh found himself embracing Caramel. It was a familiar kiss. A safe kiss. It reaffirmed every word the two had said and more and sealed it. When they broke Big Macintosh didn’t realize how long he had been holding his breath when Caramel buried his muzzle against his neck and squeezed back.
“Y’know that bed wasn’t all that noisy when I got off of it,” Caramel mumbled, his words even quieter than usual under the blow of wind. “It’s still a long way to Appleloosa. When we get there if your cousin is nosy like you said he is we might not have a lot of alone time. It’s pretty loud on the train. I don’t think anypony sleeping would hear us.”
Big Macintosh had to resist the urge to laugh. This was about as forward as Caramel had ever been. He bit Caramel’s ear playfully and moved his hooves down lower.
“W-Wait, I didn’t bring any…”
“I grabbed it,” Big Macintosh whispered, his hot breath running down Caramel’s ear making the other tremble. “You keep it in your side table.”
“D-Did you really assume you’d get lucky on this trip?” Caramel asked bashfully.
“I assumed you were the same stallion who wouldn’t let me leave the bed and said I looked real good underneath you last time my family was out of town,” Big Macintosh replied.
“C-C’mon,” Caramel made a noise and pushed gently at Mac’s chest.
“You c’mon,” Big Macintosh said when he pushed Caramel back. “I know you’re rougher than that when you get on to-“
“J-Just shut up and go back to the room before I change my mind,” Caramel said. Big Macintosh giggled and kissed Caramel on his nose.
Things were returning to normal quickly. The talk hadn’t made things weird between them, in fact it seemed to only spark back to life the normal routine the two had but add a bit of confidence in themselves.
Mac realized he wasn’t as nervous about his family knowing as he had been before. He knew deep in his chest he couldn’t see him and Caramel breaking up anytime soon for any reason. He knew that this was serious for possibly the first time in his life.
He wanted to turn back and tell Caramel he loved him, though he had a feeling those words would be exchanged a few dozen times throughout the rest of their night. He wondered if Caramel was even going to let him sleep, and giggled to himself in anticipation.
It was past early morning. Well past it, in fact. Sunlight hit the curtains which were thin, causing the entire train cart to be cast in a warm evening glow. The few cracks of light that scattered hit Caramel and Big Mac’s lower halves that were messily entangled in a bundle of blankets and sheets that had been thrown around throughout the night. Mac’s scent filled Caramel’s nose as he drug his muzzle up from the tufts of the workhorse’s chest fluff and up against the base of his neck. It was one of the softest parts on Mac’s body, his neck, and Caramel took time to press his lips against it and then wiggle around until his large boyfriend let out a deep-toned giggle at the sensation.
Bundled in a mess of Mac’s hooves and blankets Caramel squirmed more intently against Mac’s jawline and kissed it harder, beginning to nibble as the workhorse’s giggling grew louder. Mac rolled over slightly onto Caramel to not exactly stop him, but prohibit the most sensitive areas of his neck from being tickled. Caramel still nuzzled his lover gently, loving the scent of applies and musk that coated his fur.
“I think whoever cleans these carts is gonna be mad at the smell,” Caramel mumbled, half embarrassed half tempted to giggle at the realization.
“I’m not,” Mac muttered back teasingly. He put his hoof to the small of Caramel’s back and let it drift down his flank. It probably hadn’t been more than a few days since Big Macintosh and Caramel had been jumbled up like this, the scent of their deed evident in the air. Yet early in the morning before the sun rose and even after they had woken up they had taken the time to become reacquainted with the touch of each other’s bodies. Mac’s hooves drifted to Caramel’s front and rubbed the chubby part of his belly and gave him a teasing squeeze while Caramel ran his hind leg between Mac’s own. They both giggled under their breath, quiet in fear that they might be heard. It was exciting and fun to be just a door slide away from being caught by total strangers. Caramel was scared at first, but now it was like a drug. Just smelling Mac right now and the scent of the air from their night of fun drove him to want more. He bit Mac’s neck and was met with a half playful half genuine yelp.
“You’re mean after you top,” Big Macintosh chuckled.
“Maybe,” Caramel giggled back.
Caramel giggled and hugged Mac close. His belly felt vacant, and he knew from the fact that the general scent of food had faded about an hour ago that the two of them had missed breakfast. He didn’t mind at the time, his mind obviously on other things than food back then, but now he was starting to envision hay bacon strips and his mouth was watering.
The morning had been a mess of cuddling, kissing, and fooling around in a mish mash of segments. It was tempting to constantly fall back asleep considering they hadn’t managed to until about five in the morning. Caramel felt safe again for the first time in days, and it was hard to tempt himself to leave the room in fear of losing that sensation.
Of course, they were on a train. That implied they had a destination, and their fun was bound to end. Sometime between rolling around a few more times and entirely abandoning the blankets by kicking them onto the floor it was noticeable that the train was slowing down. The two were mid-kiss when it was evident they were soon going to arrive.
They gathered their belongings from the top and threw back on the blankets as best they could, Mac making Caramel blush at one point when he buried his face in the blankets and confirmed Caramel’s theory that the cleaning staff would probably notice. He smiled when he said it, but Caramel still felt his heart speed up at that thought.
The first thing Caramel had realized was the air was hot and dry. He had grown up where it rained often and during the summers it was humid. Ponyville was somewhere inbetween with a good variation of seasons, but from the moment Caramel woke up he knew it was hot here. He couldn’t imagine what it was like in summer when it was difficult to cuddle next to Big Mac without sweating. The whole place outside the windows looked dusty and all life was cacti and mountains. Grass was rare and a strange shade of brownish yellow instead of bright green like in Ponyville. He paused a few times walking on the train because his legs wobbled uneasily on the slowing ground, and Mac bumped into him a few times when he kept slowing to assure he kept balance.
“Wow,” Caramel mumbled when he glanced out the window. He could see it approaching fast, a little town in the distance seemingly all made of wood with little hay like Ponyville itself had. In the distance, he could see trees all bunched together in a clearly forced and pony-made kind of way. He recognized it instantly as an apple tree forest. The town was small, very small, maybe less than half the size of Ponyville.
“Hey listen, Sugar,” Big Macintosh said when the train came to a complete stop at the station. They had stepped outside together, the train station itself small and creaky to step on. The whole town looked rustic and old, but all the wood was clearly new and well maintained. It was strange to look at.
“Yeah?” Caramel asked when he took a few steps forward. Not many ponies were getting off here, and they all seemed to know where they were going. They all had hats and vests and freckles, and Caramel looked nothing like them. He felt like he stuck out. His eyes glanced to the roads that he could see. They were dirt, and not a sign of green life except random shrubbery was in sight. The air was even hotter outside the train, and Caramel was thankful for the shade from the roof above them.
“My cousin is… well,” Big Macintosh trailed off now when he stepped forward and sighed. “Well, for one he don’t know we’re here this early. Two, he’s a little… eccentric.”
Caramel blinked. Eccentric was not a word in Big Macintosh’s vocabulary. He could see the strain on the workhorse’s face as he struggled to find the right word. He shrugged and looked down with a sigh.
“You mentioned he was kind of nosy,” Caramel said when he began to follow Mac.
“He’s a little loud,” Big Macintosh said. “Don’t let him scare you off, alright? He doesn’t think sometimes when he asks questions. He kinda talks without stoppin’ to think.”
“C’mon, I’m sure he can’t be that bad,” Caramel said, waiting to see Mac’s face grin in a joking manner. None came. Caramel frowned at that, and followed Mac out of the shade.
Big Macintosh led the way, but was walking noticeably slower than normal. Caramel could tell because he himself was taking time to look up at all the buildings and shops that they passed. It was structured so different from Ponyville and just looked like something Caramel might have imagined in a western book. He heard a few voices of locals shouting and joking back and forth around them and their voices were all dripping with a southern accent. This place was all farming, muscled earth ponies, the sort who liked to dance and sing and be happy. He smelled pie in the air of all things. He felt self-conscious suddenly, not helped by the fact that Big Macintosh had suddenly bumped into him.
“You look like a tourist,” The workhorse teased.
Back in Ponyville Big Macintosh and his family had stuck out, but now Caramel realized that he was the one who was sticking out.
“It’s just different,” Caramel said under his breath so only Mac could hear. He heard Mac chuckle again and his blush grew harsher. He looked back. He saw a group of stallions all seeming to come from the field where the apple trees were. They didn’t have anything with them, but they were all laughing and joking. He heard a few words about the upcoming harvest and how things looked set.
“I figured we’d head to Braeburn’s house first,” Big Macintosh said. “Find a hotel. Get some food.”
“Sounds good,” Caramel mumbled, slightly distracted by the group of ponies. He heard a voice louder than all the others. It stood out and caught his attention. Maybe that’s why he seemed to catch the attention of this pony as well, because nopony else stopped to stare at him like they were all used to it. Big Macintosh paused but didn’t look where Caramel was looking, just at him.
The stallion Caramel saw was bright yellow. His mane was long and golden and looked softer and less greasy than any of the working ponies around them. He was wearing a big cow-pony hat and brown vest and seemed to almost jump around because walking was too slow for him. He stopped only when he noticed Caramel was staring from the other end of the street. Their eyes met for a moment, and then Caramel thought he might be acting rude and glanced away. He blinked, and then saw movement when he looked back up. The stallion’s face changed but was too far away to tell what it changed to. All Caramel realized was that he was running.
“Sugar?” Big Macintosh asked.
“Um, Mac?” Caramel said, lifting his hoof. “That pony’s running at us.”
“Huh?” Big Macintosh asked, confused.
But it was too late. Caramel feared the worst when the pony came running up, as ponies normally charging full speed in his direction wasn’t the most calming thing, but at the last second this stallion changed trajectory and it was actually Big Mac he was charging towards. Caramel assumed he would stop, but no. This stallion jumped and projected himself full force at Big Macintosh’s body and slammed into his hard enough to knock Big Macintosh off of his hooves. Caramel yelled in shock and stepped back, fearing for a moment that his boyfriend was being attacked.
But what surprised Caramel was that he heard laughing. Loud, constant, and simply delighted laughing. The mess the two had made had kicked up a small cloud of dust from the dirt street and when it cleared Caramel saw that the yellow stallion was laying on Big Macintosh, and the workhorse looked particularly unfazed if not slightly annoyed as he whinnied to blow hair out of his eyes.
“Hahahaha!” The stallion was laughing. His voice was loud “Cousin Big Macintosh! Have my eyes deceived me or are you in my little old town here?”
“Hello, Braeburn,” Big Macintosh muttered. “I think you landed on my ribs.”
“Oh my gosh oh my gosh!” Braeburn was shouting now. Still, ponies weren’t looking at him despite the fact he had just tackled another stallion. Caramel stared at this whole thing dumbfounded from a distance. Braeburn was bouncing around when he let Big Macintosh off from the ground. His hooves were jittering on the ground and kicking up more dust because he just couldn’t seem to keep them still. His teeth were wide in a smile and almost alarmingly white. “I can’t believe you came here so early and didn’t warn me! What are you doing here? Oh my CELESTIA!”
Just when Big Macintosh got back to his hooves Braeburn tackled him again. This time it wasn’t enough to topple the workhorse to the ground, but it was only to hug him and squeeze his cousin tightly as he nuzzled his neck. Big Macintosh strangely enough looked less annoyed and more like he was smiling as he gave Braeburn a hug back, albeit less tight and less nuzzle-filled.
“Um,” Caramel finally found his voice when he stepped back into the chaos. His head was spinning. “H-Hi?”
“Caramel,” Big Macintosh said. It was clear he was going to continue, but was interrupted.
Braeburn whipped around, his long golden mane almost shockingly distracting to Caramel.
“Oh my Celestia!” Braeburn said. “You brought a friend? Oh that’s just great! Papa’s gonna be so happy to see you. Oh gosh! We gotta go! Have you two eaten? We have so much to talk about and just why are you he-”
“BRAEBURN!” A voice boomed from the other side of the road where Braeburn had charged over from. Braeburn’s ears instantly flattened against his head and he began to blush a deep crimson all the way to the tips of his ears.
“S-Shoot, I’m still working,” Braeburn said in a quieter voice, which was just a normal speaking tone. He was stuttering, something strange considering he was just shouting in the middle of the street without embarrassment. “I’m still working. Crap, I wasn’t thinking. B-Big Mac, go home to Papa, you remember where it is? I’ll be home real soon I just gotta…”
“C’mon, Brae!” Another stallion from the same group jeered in a teasing way.
“Ugh, seeyoulaterImissedyoucatchuplaterloveyou BYE!” Braeburn shouted in such a mouthful that Caramel wasn’t sure he understood half of it.
Without even as much as knowing his name the stallion charged away from Caramel. Big Macintosh stared, and then looked to Caramel slowly.
“What the heck was that?” Caramel asked, not caring how blunt he sounded. Ponies around them just didn’t seem to be looking at all. He looked back to Mac and resisted the urge to look wide eyed and dumbfounded. “Did your cousin just tackle you?”
“That… was Braeburn,” Big Macintosh replied. “Told you he was eccentric.”
Caramel hadn’t stopped asking questions about Braeburn ever since they were alone. He was no longer looking around the town with wide-eyed curiosity, but instead staring straight down at his hooves. He didn’t look upset or scared, but nervous. Big Macintosh frowned to himself, silently wishing he had prepared Caramel more for just how loud and intrusive Braeburn could be. His cousin had always been the loud one, the one who loved to hug and bounce and be bubbly beyond reason. It was hard to imagine Braeburn without a big goofy smile on his face. Of course, he himself hadn’t been expecting to be tackled in such a blindside, so he couldn’t fully take blame for Caramel’s nervousness.
“He’s real friendly,” Big Macintosh said when Caramel had been silent for more than thirty seconds. They were out of the center of town now and on one of the smaller paths that led to the scattered roads. The houses here weren’t like in Ponyville. They were spread out and scattered at seemingly random with a lot of yard between them. Ponyville was tight knit, and each pony barely had a dozen feet of yard to themselves except for few, Mac included. He had visited Appleloosa twice, and was tracing his steps to where Braeburn’s home lay.
“He was… loud,” Caramel said. His voice was ironically quiet.
Braeburn’s house was familiar in the strangest way. Most of the houses around here were. The wooden porch out front was well made and sturdy, not creaking at all when Big Macintosh stepped on it. It reminded him of his home in every way except the smell, which usually had a wafting scent of dirt given three of the four ponies in it worded in the field for a couple hours a day. This house smelled surprisingly more like flour and cinnamon even from a distance. It smelled a lot like when Applejack or Granny Smith baked, actually.
“Do I have to do anything?” Caramel asked before Big Macintosh could knock on the door. He was still staring down at his hooves, his cheek concaved slightly in a way that made it clear he was biting it.
“What do you mean?” Big Macintosh asked.
“I-I’ve never met any of your family outside of Ponyville before,” Caramel said sheepishly. He looked embarrassed. “What if they don’t like me?”
“I don’t know if it’s possible for Braeburn to not like somepony, Sugar,” Big Macintosh smirked.
“I know but I’m… Don’t ponies like your family not like… girly stallions?” Caramel mumbled.
Big Macintosh blinked. Caramel was far from what he would call a girl stallion, but he could see his boyfriend’s point. His hair was soft looking and coat well-groomed compared to Mac’s slightly ruffled look. He had a way of blushing often and giggling instead of laughing. Caramel’s voice was higher pitched than most stallions, and whenever they found out he liked other stallions ponies always had a slight glimmer of ‘oh that’s what it is’ in their eyes that Mac noticed, but never knew if Caramel did.
“That’s stereotypical,” Big Macintosh said.
“N-No, I just… sorry,” Caramel mumbled in a bit of a frustrated huff.
“Sugar,” Big Macintosh said, leaning in for a slight kiss on Caramel’s nose that his boyfriend let him steal. “Braeburn is the gayest stallion I have ever met and his Pa an’ him are like two peas in a pod. You’ll be fine.”
Caramel’s eyes widened a bit at Mac’s description, but then he smiled back a little. It was weak, but still a smile.
“Mmm,” Caramel made a noise, a bit unconvinced, but still reached out his hoof and touched it to Big Mac’s cheek before nodding slowly. He kissed Mac’s nose in return and it was his own silent way of saying he trusted the workhorse.
Big Macintosh knocked at the door hard, the whole thing rattling. He heard a grunt from the cracked window to their left and then heard movement shuffling around on the inside. When the door cracked he noticed Caramel tense slightly.
The stallion who stepped out was large. Large enough to stare at Mac straight in the eye without needing to look up, which was a feat most ponies couldn’t do. His coat was yellow, as bright as Braeburn’s, however his eyes were emerald and reflected Mac’s own. His mane was short and white with hints of blonde that had faded with age. It didn’t look nearly as lush or soft as Braeburn’s, more course and rough like most of the ponies in Appleloosa. He looked tired and yawned, as if he had just been woken up from a nap.
“My my,” The stallion replied. His voice was deep, though not quite as much as Big Macintosh’s own. His eyes lit up, and Big Macintosh noticed that Caramel seemed to lighten up. This stallion if nothing else had bright, happy eyes that seemed almost full of love. “If it ain’t my favorite nephew!”
“Howdy, Uncle Cameo,” Big Macintosh said.
“That’s Uncle Cam to you, Mac! What don’t you love me enough for a nickname?” The stallion replied. He went for a punch to Big Macintosh’s shoulder first but then went forward to embrace him in a sudden and strong hug. He was laughing though nopony had said anything particularly funny yet. It was a warm laugh.
“Land Sakes what brings you here, Partner?” Cam replied with another laugh as he pushed back Big Macintosh and held him at shoulder length. “You’re lucky I’m glad to see you or else I’d sock you again for waking me up from a nap!”
“It’s a bit of a story,” Big Macintosh replied with a smile. “But I brought a friend to meet ya’ll. You and Braeburn, I mean.”
Whatever Caramel had let go in the few moments of seeing the warm, golden pony was instantly shot back into him when he was finally noticed. He pushed Mac away and continued to smile.
“Well, I’ll be,” Cam responded with somehow an even bigger smile. It was probably very clear now to Caramel where Braeburn got those alarmingly white teeth and bright eyes. He reached out his hoof and Big Mac saw Caramel go for a hoofshake but yelped when Cam tugged him into a forceful hug. “Can’t remember the last time ol’ Big Shy Mac here even mentioned friends much less you!”
“U-Uncle Cam,” Big Macintosh said. It was the first time he had felt mildly embarrassed. He looked to Caramel who seemed a little stunned that this stranger was hugging him. When he was let go Caramel looked more ruffled than he had before, and Big Mac couldn’t help but chuckle.
“What’s your name, Partner?” Cam questioned.
“Um… C-Caramel,” Caramel said with a bit of a stutter. His face was a light shade of pink.
“Howdy, Caramel!” Cam said, only now taking Caramel’s hoof and shaking it with gusto. “Name’s Cameo Apple, but ponies call me Cam. Don’t call me anything different if you don’t wanna hurt my feelings.”
“O-Okay,” Caramel nodded along once his hoof was finally released. The smaller earth pony looked dumbfounded. His hoof still seemed to be shaking a little when he set it back down. Cam was stronger than he realized, it seemed.
“Come on in come on in!” Cam said, backing up and waving the two inside. “Don’t make me look like a bad host!”
“Holy Celestia,” Caramel hissed under his breath so quiet only Big Macintosh could hear. The workhorse had a feeling that Caramel never expected such loud, outgoing ponies to be the ones to meet him. It wasn’t a bad sound that he made, just overwhelmed. Mac giggled and followed his boyfriend inside.
The whole place was right out of a picture book for some home design magazine themed around westerns. The house opened up into a large square room which branched off into three others with a polished dark oak staircase that led upstairs. Caramel’s head was cocked up and staring at the railing above them. The whole place felt warm but not unbearably so as the outside had felt. The walls were coated in stripes of green wallpaper with white trim, and the carpet on the floor was bright red and yellow. It was all so new looking that it reminded Mac almost what he remembered his home to be when he was a foal. The smell of baked goods was even stronger in here.
“You boys like tea? Or how about some grub?”
“I-I’m good,” Caramel said, his face light pink again with flush. “I don’t need anything, really.”
“He’s starving,” Big Macintosh retorted.
“M-Mac!” Caramel snapped, looking even more embarrassed.
However, Cam just laughed. He seemed to like laughing.
“I’ll see what we got in the kitchen. C’mon, c’mon.”
Big Macintosh flicked Caramel’s ear playfully after a nasty look was shot his way and Cam had turned away. His boyfriend’s irritation faded fast however when they walked into the kitchen and the smell of baking was almost overpowering. If Big Macintosh’s mouth was watering at the smell of it, he couldn’t imagine Caramel’s thoughts.
“Well we have some leftover pie, I swear Brae wants to fatten me up with how much he bakes the stuff,” Cam said when he tossed a pie tin onto the half countertop half breakfast table and ushered for both Mac and Caramel to sit. He was already bringing out plates and silverware. “Now tell me did I get the dates mixed up or are you way early to this family reunion, Big Mac?”
Caramel looked like he tensed slightly. Big Macintosh tried to think quickly, to say something, but Cam had already looked at Caramel and cocked his brow up slightly when he froze with his hoof halfway to the pie tin. He looked like he was just about to open his mouth and ask something, but Mac’s brain finally clicked into gear.
“Vacation,” Big Macintosh said. “The harvest ain’t starting till after the reunion, an’ AJ and Apple Bloom can hold down the fort till after the reunion. I was thinkin’ of coming up to see ya’ll and help out myself, and I thought Caramel might like to come.”
It was possibly the most believable half-lie Big Macintosh had ever told. He knew this because Cam seemed to buy it.
“You’re a workaholic, as usual,” Cam chuckled as he served two big slices of the sweetest smelling pie Mac thought he had ever had before him. “I ain’t gonna turn my nose up at an extra hoof or two, though. Me and Brae have been worked to the bone for the reunion. First one in Appleloosa, y’know. Gotta make a good first impression! I’ll see what I can whip you boys up! Don’t get too full on pie, now.”
There Cam went. He was rambling a lot like Braeburn had been before. Changing from one subject to the next as though he were bouncing around. Big Macintosh glanced to Caramel who had taken a bite of his apple pie, but didn’t seem to really be tasting it by his expression looking a bit dulled. Big Mac reached his hoof over under the counter and gave him a squeeze. He jumped slightly and tugged, perhaps fearful Cam might see, but Mac held firmly until he relaxed and finally looked to Big Macintosh.
It’s okay. I’m here. Big Macintosh tried to say silently through that simple squeeze. He could tell the question about them being here was already stuck in Caramel’s thoughts.
Caramel smiled, and took another bite of his pie. This time his eyes lit up and his back legs began to kick as though he was overwhelmed.
“You like that, huh?” Cam laughed. “Better be careful, I saw that belly of yours. Brae’s food’ll turn that chub twice as big in a sitting if you ain’t careful. Then again, some ponies like those breeder hips look.”
Though Caramel blushed at that and tried to say something in return, Big Macintosh could swear that Cam was staring right at him when he said that last part. Mac blushed too. Were… were they that obvious?
SLAM!
Before Big Macintosh could even question this, he was interrupted by a loud crash right at the front door that made both him and Caramel jump, but only Cam sigh. Both ponies whipped around at the sight of it
“Gosh darn it, Braeburn,” Cam mumbled under his breath.
A creak from the door was heard as Braeburn came slinking into the house. He was holding his nose and his eyes looked half closed and face all scrunched up in a grimace.
“H-Hey, Papa,” Braeburn said in a whiny tone quieter and more embarrassed than he had spoken with before. “You forgot to leave the door cracked again.”
“You forgot to slow down again!” Cam snapped back.
Big Macintosh blinked. He realized that Braeburn had slammed his face into the door he had been running home so fast. He didn’t think that was even possible to do once, much less the apparent multiple times this had happened given the dialogue going on between the two.
“Are you bleeding this time?”
“This time,” Caramel echoed both Cam and Big Macintosh’s thoughts. It was hard not to smirk.
“S-Shoot, Mac, you settlin’ in alright?” Braeburn asked when he set his hoof down. It seemed almost like he had just forcefully shaken off the nose slamming when he bounced up over to Big Macintosh. “Oh! You likin’ my famous pie?”
“It’s good as always, Braeburn,” Big Macintosh nodded after swallowing.
“It’s really good,” Caramel said with a giggle of his own.
“Oh, you brought a friend?” Braeburn said loudly as though he had both just forgotten Caramel was in the room as well as the fact he had already met and introduced himself less than an hour ago. “Oh gosh! Mac never brings ponies to reunions!”
Already Braeburn was at it. Before Big Macintosh even thought to intervene or even as much as talk his cousin was on his boyfriend like a shark hungry for blood. Within seconds he was berating and throwing question after question at Caramel. He had been asked three before he even had the chance to swallow the food in his mouth.
“How long have you known Mac?”
“Um… A little over two years I guess?”
“You like my pie? I made it myself.”
“Y-Yeah, it’s really good.”
“Oh, wow, your mane is soft! What do you use on it? I use apple conditioner and scrub it three times with shampoo on mine!”
“Excuse me?”
“Brae,” Cam said in a bit of a stern tone. “Give Big Mac’s friend a second to get used to your speed. He looks ready to pass out.”
Caramel very clearly and very forcefully blushed at the mention of this. He looked down at his plate, but he didn’t see Braeburn almost mirror him and do the same as he stepped back and rubbed nervously at his mane.
“Hehe. Sorry, Papa.”
Cam told Braeburn to come over and held him make lunch, which Big Macintosh offered to help with before being threatened by the older pony with a spatula saying in a very stern and fatherly tone that he was the guest and he would be served. So he sat next to Caramel, occasionally reaching over his hoof under the counter and squeezing it. Braeburn asked him about a million questions, throwing the occasional one about Caramel. He asked first why Mac was even here, which prompted the workhorse to spout the same half-lie as before.
“Well, I’m more than happy to have you!” Braeburn said with a big, goofy grin on his face. He passed out four plates around the counter to them and sat down at the opposite side. It was salad mixed with hay bacon and big, juicy looking apple slices. “Oh I love it when family comes to town! It’s like a mini reunion and everything!”
“The real one’s coming up soon,” Cam said. “You sure you have everything almost ready.”
“Yes, Papa,” Braeburn said with a roll of his eyes as though he had been asked this a million times. “I ain’t a colt anymore.”
“You’re still my colt,” Cam replied, reaching out his hoof and knocking off Braeburn’s hat to ruffle at his mane and mess it up.
“C-C’mon, not in front of Mac’s friend!” Braeburn blushed when he hugged his head to protect his fluffy and soft looking mane. “You don’t want to scare him off from bringing another?”
“Um,” Caramel said. It was the first time he had spoken up without being prompted in quite a long time, so six pairs of eyes all shot directly to him. “Is it really rare that Mac brought me? I mean, I’m sure a lot of the family doesn’t bring somepony.”
“Well, sure,” Braeburn shrugged his shoulders as though Big Macintosh weren’t in the room. “But usually every year a pony or two brings a date or friend or something. I brought somepony last year who I was dating. But Mac never brings somepony! You’ll be the talk of the reunion!”
Caramel made a noise and froze at the mere thought of that. A million ponies eyes on him at once.
“Brae,” Big Macintosh said, giving Braeburn a stern look. They met eyes for a moment before his own eyes widened and he realized Caramel was heavily uncomfortable with that comment.
“W-Wait! I meant to say nopony will notice you at all and you’ll be ignored!” Braeburn shouted. “Totally invisible!”
“Braeburn!” Cam snapped.
“Ahhh! What do I say?” Braeburn yelled helplessly and shielded his head again.
“I-It’s okay, Braeburn,” Caramel said. “I know you’re trying to be nice. Thanks.”
“Don’t encourage him,” Cam said.
“Shut up Papa he likes me!” Braeburn hissed.
The rest of the lunch went peacefully. That was a complete and total lie considering Braeburn was there and his father snapped at him when somepony (Caramel) let it slip that he tackled Mac as a greeting. But otherwise it went well, and Big Macintosh’s own belly was filled. Caramel looked a little happier by the end of it, more loose and accustomed to this stranger who talked and acted like they had known each other for ages. Big Macintosh felt warm at seeing Caramel smile like that.
“I’ll make us some tea and wash up,” Cam said when everypony was finished. “You like apple tea, Caramel?”
“Yeah. Mac makes it for me sometimes,” Caramel said. He gave Big Macintosh a warm look after he said that, and Big Mac swore Cam flicked his eyes directly at him again like he had before.
“Alright, Brae, take them to the living room and be thankful I’m not making you wash up with me,” Cam teased.
“C’mon!” Braeburn said as he snatched Caramel’s hoof. Caramel was startled and let out a noise when he was dragged, but Big Macintosh merely shook his head and followed the two in the direction of the living room.
“And THIS one is the reunion three years ago!” Braeburn said, already showing Caramel a picture by the fireplace. Caramel looked a little dizzy, but not scared or nervous like he had before. He nodded along to Braeburn’s fast talking. “There’s me an’ Papa in the back. That was a fun reunion. It was in… er…”
“Trottingham,” Big Macintosh finished. “Golden Apple hosted that one.”
“Oh, right,” Braeburn nodded his head. For the first time his smile faltered for just a second. It was rare to see him without a big goofy grin, so it stuck out in Mac’s mind. He thought only he caught it, because Caramel was still staring at the picture. “I sure hope this one’ll be as fun.”
“Is this really the first Appleloosa reunion?” Caramel asked.
“Yup!” Braeburn giggled, his smile returning to normal. “Appleloosa’s a real new town! Look at a map five years old an’ we ain’t even on it! I don’t want my family to think ‘bout here and hate it when it’s our turn again! I’m tryin’ to make it perfect, y’know?”
Big Macintosh felt his chest warm. Something about that dedication and caring in Braeburn’s tone was something he hadn’t noticed before. Braeburn looked to Big Macintosh and grinned.
“You guys hosted that great reunion a while ago,” Braeburn said. “Might have been a little rickety but it was so fun! I wanna have something twice as fun.”
Big Macintosh resisted the urge to tell Braeburn that it wouldn’t be hard. However, he was too surprised by the fact that Braeburn found that mild train wreck of a reunion in Ponyville actually fun enough to comment.
“I’ll help any way I can. Promise,” Big Macintosh said when he reached forward and touched a hoof to Braeburn’s shoulder.
“Thanks, Cousin,” Braeburn said with a mild tint of pink flushing his cheeks.
“Wow, is that you, Mac?” Caramel asked when pointing up at another photo on the mantle. Braeburn replaced the one he was holding with it and tugged it down. It was a picture of bunch of young foals all gathered around. It looked like Braeburn, Big Macintosh, Applejack, and a few other ponies Mac hadn’t seen in quite some time.
“He was real big even back then,” Braeburn giggled.
Big Macintosh was a foal then, but he was the size of a fully grown mare. He stood towers above the other kids and in the back of the picture looking a bit shy. Braeburn however was in front, the smallest of the bunch even though it was clear he was trying to look as tall as possible.
“I was a runt,” Braeburn said with a smile. “Sorry, you guys bein’ here is makin’ me all nostalgic. C’mon, let’s sit down.”
Braeburn hogged the couch by dragging Caramel right to it and stealing Mac’s boyfriend away to talk to him face to face. Big Macintosh sat in a nearby chair alone and tried not to chuckle as Braeburn was already off asking Caramel a dozen questions. It was clear he was in no mood to slow down now that he had taken a ten second break.
“Tea’s ready,” A voice came from behind them. Cam entered holding a tray on his back which he set down on the coffee table. Each stallion took a cup and sipped from it, Braeburn settling into the couch as he was still getting his ear talked off. Cam sat at a chair on the other end of the room slightly in the corner simply smiling at all of it.
“Oh, where are you two staying?” Braeburn asked.
“Well, I don’t know,” Caramel shrugged.
“I was thinkin’ just a hotel or inn here in town,” Big Macintosh responded quickly. “We didn’t have much, and I have the money to…”
“No. Way.” Braeburn said, slapping his cup of tea down on the tray so hard a few drops spilled out. “No way I’m lettin’ my cousin sleep in some ratty inn when he’s stayin’ for so long!”
“Braeburn we helped build that inn,” His father mumbled from across the room a bit disappointedly.
“Still!” Braeburn argued. “No way! You’re stayin’ with us!”
“Um,” Caramel said, blinking as this sudden arrangement was made before his eyes.
“Braeburn, really, it’s fi-”
“No, I think Braeburn’s right,” Cam said as he sipped at his tea. “You’re family and we have the room. We have an extra guest room you boys can sleep in.”
“Right, we have that room and… oh… shoot,” Braeburn muttered under his breath as he drew a hoof to his chin. “There’s only one bed.”
Caramel’s eyes widened. He met Mac’s own, but Mac simply frowned and didn’t look back. He could tell his boyfriend was asking if not begging him to say something.
“Braeburn,” Big Macintosh started.
“I guess I could sleep on the couch,” Braeburn was mumbling to himself.
“Brae,” Mac repeated.
“No way I’d let one of ya’ll sleep on it when my bed is perfectly good,” Braeburn continued.
“Braeburn,” This time it was Cam who spoke. Somehow this got Braeburns attention. He looked up and stared at his father in question. His head was cocked slightly.
“They don’t need separate beds,” Cam said.
Caramel audibly choked on his tea and Mac felt his chest tighten and eyes widen.
“Huh?” Braeburn asked. Did he really not get it? “What do you mean, Papa? Two ponies? One bed?”
“Braeburn,” Cam repeated, staring at his son. He flicked his eyes to Mac for a moment. “They only need one bed.”
Braeburn was silent for a few moments. This was a new feat for him. In fact, the whole room was silent as they waited for the stallion to take it in. Suddenly Braeburn’s eyes widened and he jumped up from his seat and pointed his hoof accusingly at Big Macintosh.
“Wait? You’re GAY?” Braeburn shouted. He pointed his hoof behind him at Caramel, but never turned his head away from Mac. “And you’re dating HIM?”
Cam facehoofed in the corner. Caramel buried his face in both hooves and began to curl up slightly. Big Macintosh stared back at Braeburn with a stone-like face.
"Actually," Big Macintosh said. "I like mares too."
Appleloosa was warm, even as the evening sun was beginning to set far out in the distance. It was much different from Ponyville’s sunset, which was usually obscured behind a great forest of trees. From Cam’s front porch the sun perfectly set between a crevasse of a mountain, illuminating the whole town in a somber twilight light that seemed to strengthen by the sand. Big Macintosh sat there staring out, a mug of cider in his hooves. Cam had given it to him when he came out to check up on his nephew, but he had yet to take a sip of it. Behind him he heard creaking. The sound of Cam’s large rickety swing moving back and forth again and again in a near rhythmic tone. In Ponyville, it was just the time of year where the nighttime was beginning to make noise again. Cicadas would scream and crickets would chirp. Here, however, it was still quiet. A different sort of quiet. Wind whistled through the mountains and he could see tumbleweeds far in the distance bouncing about. It wasn’t anything like home, but right now Big Macintosh was fine with that.
“So how long are you staying?” Cam questioned. He was the first to break the silence that Mac hadn’t minded so much. Big Macintosh looked to him.
“Hopefully till the reunion ends,” Big Macintosh said with a slight shrug. “I may have to send a letter or two to figure it all out.”
“Mmm,” Cam made a noise of acknowledgement and leaned back with his eyes closed. His face bore a thin smile that looked blissful. “I think Braeburn’s taken a liking to your boyfriend. Last I saw he drug him back to his room.”
Big Macintosh resisted the urge to shudder. By now Caramel was more up to speed of his cousin, but Braeburn with this newfound information might talk his ear off and as a million invasive questions. Not like Big Mac being there could stop it.
“How…” Big Macintosh paused, looking down at the floorboards of the patio. It was new wood, not yet tainted in color by age and still bright yellow. He went over to the large swing set as big as a small couch and sat at the side opposite Cam. The springs sagged and cried out at his weight but the thing still swung. “How did you know me and Caramel were dating?”
To his surprise, Cam laughed. Big Macintosh wasn’t sure how to react to this, so he kept his face stone-like and kept staring until Cam settled down.
“When Braeburn was a colt he used to hide magazines of stallions and sneak into showers with guys just to get a glimpse pretending he was looking for something. I’ve known he liked stallions since he was seven years old.” Cam opened his eyes and touched his temple with the tip of his hoof three times. “You pick up on these sorts of things. You two had lovey-dovey written all over you. Don’t think I didn’t see you holding hooves under the counter.”
“Oh,” Big Macintosh said when he looked down. If he were Caramel he might have blushed, but instead he felt a little silly. He thought him and Caramel were being conservative until he could find a better time to let it slip that they were dating. He supposed it was obvious, given the fact that Braeburn had never seemed to hide it.
“Does your family know?” Cam asked. “I mean the gals back home.”
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh replied.
“How’d they take it? That’s not why you’re here, is it?”
Cam’s smile changed slightly. It was no longer humorous, but more sincere and caring. At once Big Macintosh reassured himself of his decision to bring Caramel here of all places.
“Nope,” Big Macintosh shook his head. “They know. Known for ‘bout two years now, I’d say.”
“Braeburn only came out to me four years ago,” Cam said with a smile when he stared downward. Big Macintosh blinked, thinking how it had barely been any time since the rest of the family knew. He was turning his mug over in his hooves before taking a sip on it. “He got all offended when I said I already knew. He was totally prepared to argue and everything. First time I’ve seen my colt scared to talk to me.”
“How did you know?” Big Macintosh asked, curious now. “I mean, for sure.”
“He had a boyfriend,” Cam chuckled. “I caught them kissing in the front of my house about a year before that. I think it might have been his first kiss too because he was all giddy for a week. I think that poor unicorn broke his heart or something, never saw from him again and Braeburn got all mopey a month later.”
“AJ and Granny took it well enough,” Big Macintosh shrugged. “At first it was hard. They knew I dated and liked mares before so they didn’t really get it. They warmed up quick, though.”
“How about that little tyke?” Cam chuckled.
It took Big Macintosh a moment to realize he was referring to Apple Bloom.
“She once called Caramel ‘Uncle’ and he cried to me later he was so happy,” Big Macintosh said with a smirk.
Cam laughed at that. He had a good, hearty, and loud laugh that Big Macintosh just could tell was genuine. It was the reason why it hadn’t scared him when Cam knew him and Caramel’s secret, just took him aback. He was a good stallion.
“Honestly,” Cam said when he had finally settled down. “Me and Brae talked about this for a long time.”
“Me havin’ a boyfriend?” Big Macintosh asked.
“No,” Cam said through a laugh again. “Coming out like this. Whole family, and all. He thought it might have just been him in the family. He felt scared and singled out, y’know? When he came out, officially I mean, I sort of fought against it.”
Cam’s smile grew tight. He looked like he was gripping his mug just a bit tighter.
“He’s my colt, y’know, I didn’t want him to get hurt. Family already was weird around us since me and his Ma never married.”
Big Macintosh thought to that. He had never met Braeburn’s mother, and in a strange way he didn’t know if Braeburn himself had ever met her. When they were colts Braeburn said that his mom left when he was a baby foal, and it was up to his father to raise him. They didn’t know where their mother went, but from the way Cam raised him you might have never thought their home was a little empty.
“We don’t fight much,” Cam said. “That was a fight.”
Big Macintosh thought back to his talk with Applejack in the barn about bringing Caramel. If somepony had said the wrong thing or the situation hadn’t defused as fast as it had it might have escalated and left a similar scar to the one it looked like Cam was showing to Mac now. He looked guilty in a way, and smaller even though the two were the same size. He brushed his hoof through his aged, graying mane and sighed.
“I didn’t want them to blame me or him cause I raised him differently. I kinda had a feeling this would happen, though. More family would come out once one did.”
“Like a floodgate,” Big Macintosh finished.
“Exactly,” Cam chuckled.
“Honestly,” Big Macintosh shrugged. “I’m kinda relieved I don’t have to be the first. I don’t want Caramel to have to get all that attention.”
“I know you didn’t exactly tell me,” Cam said with a coy smile directed at Big Mac. “But it means a lot that you came to me and Brae. Even if it was just cause the reunion was here.”
Big Macintosh smiled.
“So why don’t you tell me why you’re really here?”
Big Macintosh’s reaction flipped. He frowned and glanced to Cam, who was still smiling but the look in his eyes was serious. It wasn’t asking, but demanding to be told. The Apple family seemed to have this unique power that nopony else in Equestria had, and that was to be able to tell when something was off with their own family. Even the tiniest thing, and they were asking about it. Mac sighed, and finally took a sip of his drink. It burned going down his throat, but the sweet taste made up for it.
“I was planning on coming anyway,” Big Macintosh said. “With Caramel. Things just happened that it made sense to come a little early.”
“Things?” Cam pushed.
“Just… Personal things. Caramel’s family ain’t exactly perfect.”
Cam closed his eyes briefly and leaned back in the chair. The swing swung back in a creak and then stopped. The sunset was now entirely gone and the only light illuminating the two stallions was coming from the window directly behind them. Big Macintosh gripped his mug tightly and stared down at his reflection, hoping not to be pushed further. This was Caramel’s burden, and not something he could advertise freely.
“Okay,” Cam said with a nod. “That’s enough for now. I expect to know sometime, alright?”
“That’s up to Caramel,” Big Macintosh replied.
“Guess he wears the horseshoes in the relationship?” Cam chuckled. When Big Macintosh didn’t smile back he coughed and then said “S-Sorry. Brae tells me I make kinda bad jokes about the whole gay thing sometimes.”
“It’s fine,” Big Macintosh shrugged.
“You notice anything about the ponies in this town?” Cam inquired, changing the subject.
Big Macintosh thought about this. Nothing except the outfits seemed very off from usual, so he shook his head in response.
“All young,” Cam said. “New town needs a lot of young strong folk to do heavy labor. Old folk just ain’t coming for more than a visit. Nopony here has ever batted an eye about Braeburn likin’ stallions. It’s why I convinced him to come. Caramel and you can probably get away with everything short of groping in public and nopony would bat an eye. Save that for the guest room when me an’ Brae are far away.”
“…Good to know,” Big Macintosh mumbled after a slight pause. He wasn’t sure how to feel that his uncle just implied him and Caramel might grope. But now that he thought about it, he did realize most of the ponies were young and around his age. It made sense, new town, new ponies. This place was sounding better and better for someplace him and Caramel could relax.
“Thanks for having us, Uncle Cam,” Big Macintosh said after a short pause as he began to stand up. “I think I’m gonna go check on Caramel. Make sure Brae ain’t talked his ear off just yet.”
“I’ll wait here,” Cam said with a slight nod. “I like to watch the land for a bit.”
Big Macintosh nodded his head in reply and went inside. The whole house was dimly lit, but he could hear Braeburn’s loud voice emanating from upstairs. He couldn’t make out the words, but the slight pauses indicated Caramel was up there as well replying in his usual quiet tone. He went up the stairs slowly, slinking towards the guest room with the door half cracked.
“Wow, you’re real good at that,” Braeburn said with a chuckle when Big Macintosh approached the door. He pushed gently, peaking inside. To his surprise, Braeburn was on his belly and Caramel over him running his hooves through Braeburn’s mane with a brush.
“It really is super soft,” Caramel said in a bit of a sheepish tone. “Sorry, is it weird to say that?”
“No way,” Braeburn chuckled. “It’s my pride and joy. I got mares jealous of this beauty. But seriously, most stallions don’t know how to brush at all much less long hair.”
“Mac taught me,” Caramel said.
“You’re pullin’ my leg!” Braeburn snapped.
“Nope,” Caramel giggled. “He brushes Apple Bloom’s mane all the time. She begs me to do it sometimes cause I don’t get stuck on knots as much. Mac’s better at braiding, though.”
“Hehe, so have you two said you love each other yet? How long you’ve been dating?”
“Yeah, we have,” Caramel said with a small grin. “And about two years.”
“Can’t believe he kept a cutie like you hidden for so long,” Braeburn mumbled, a bit annoyed sounding. “Sorry I was rude ‘bout it earlier, Cara. I just was starting to think I was the only one who was gay in this family.”
“It’s fine,” Caramel said. “It’s nice talking like this.”
To Mac’s surprise the two of them seemed to be having a good time. He expected to come up here to find Caramel whimpering in the corner with Braeburn yelling questions at him, but instead the two were lying on the bed side by side just talking and giggling. It was nice to see such a big smile on Caramel’s face. If anything, Braeburn was infectious.
“So tell me,” Braeburn said with a devious giggle. “Mac got any weird kinks in bed?”
“Well…”
“Howdy!” Big Macintosh said as he shoved the door open.
Both Caramel and Braeburn jumped, but it was only Braeburn who looked guilty as he sat up and the brush still in his mane topped to the carpeted floor and bounced under the bed. He started giggling while it was clear Caramel’s face was mildly flushed.
“Hey, Mac,” Caramel said when Big Macintosh approached. Big Macintosh went in for a kiss, and though Caramel was mildly hesitant in front of Braeburn he accepted.
“Still can’t believe I didn’t know,” Braeburn mumbled when he hopped off the beg and snagged his brush from under it. He pointed it at Mac. “Next time you have a boyfriend half this cute I wanna be the first to know.”
“Don’t plan on having another,” Big Macintosh responded.
“ARUGH!” Braeburn cried out in almost a pained sounding way. “An’ you two are cute, too! Why did it take so long for me to know?”
“Brae,” Big Macintosh said when he leaned in. “Mind giving me some alone time with my boyfriend, if you mind? Or were you not done talkin’ bout me in bed.”
Braeburn and Caramel’s faces both blushed, but Braeburn’s was about three shades darker and spread all the way to his ears.
“I… I uh… well… y-you’re right it’s late I should let you two settle down,” Braeburn said quickly as he nearly sprinted out of the room and closed the door behind him. Big Macintosh whinnied and then turned back to Caramel who was fumbling with his hooves shyly.
“I wasn’t gonna tell him,” Caramel mumbled.
“I know,” Big Macintosh said as he climbed onto the bed. He grabbed Caramel suddenly and was rewarded with a squeak as he wrestled him down onto the blankets and gave his big, round belly a squeeze. He put his lips right up to Caramel’s ear and spoke with his hot breath tickling Caramel. “Cause you’d never tell anypony how much I like your big, tubby belly, would you? No you’d blush too much to tell ‘em.”
“M-Mac c’mon you’re tickling!” Caramel whined as Mac’s hoof began to rub around his belly. His back legs began to kick. “C-C’mon c’mon!”
“But I like it when you squirm,” Big Macintosh chuckled. “Plus you kept bitin’ my neck on the train earlier. How’d you do it?”
“A-Ah!” Caramel whined when Big Macintosh’s lips nibbled on his sensitive neck.
Big Macintosh overpowered his tiny boyfriend for the next several minutes until he was sure Caramel learned his lesson. He then gave him a big kiss and rolled onto his side to be Caramel’s big spoon, but refused to leave his hooves from Caramel’s belly.
“Meanie,” Caramel mumbled when Mac bit on his ear.
“Love you,” Big Macintosh replied.
Caramel let himself sigh and settle into Mac’s grasp. Big Macintosh went back to taking in Caramel’s smell, and it was almost strong enough to overpower the new scents that this guest room gave off. The bed was weird, but not as rough as the train cart one had been. Right now Mac was just happy, and from Caramel’s occasional giggling he could tell he wasn’t the only one.
“Mac?” Caramel asked eventually.
“Yeah?” Mac replied.
Caramel’s hooves pressed on top of Mac’s own and he squirmed closer into the spooning.
“I think I like it here,” Caramel giggled. "Thanks for bringing me here. I love you."
Big Macintosh smiled and kissed Caramel right at the base of his ear.
Caramel woke up sweating. He didn’t know what time it was, but judging by the fact that the stars were bright in the sky from the sight of his window he knew it was late. He felt Mac’s foreleg wrapped around him and his back pressed to his lover’s chest, but his entire body was damp and wet with sweat. When he touched his eyes, he realized they were wet with tears.
His body was shaking. Not trembling or shivering, but shaking. He didn’t realize it until now but there was fear in his chest. Whispers of a dream he couldn’t exactly remember. A stench in his nose so overpowering it made him sick.
Cheap perfume. It was everywhere. In his nose on his sheets on Mac even. He couldn’t get away from the stench even by covering his nose and his stomach began to churn.
Caramel crawled out of bed and away from the safety Big Macintosh’s forelegs usually brought him. He stumbled and hit the wall, dizzy beyond words. He forgot until now that he wasn’t at home or at Big Macintosh’s, but at a near stranger’s house. It was unfamiliar to navigate in the dark so he hit his legs on several things desperately trying to make his way to the door. He was panting, loudly, and made his way to the bathroom.
The light blinded Caramel so much that he had to shut it off. His eyes stung worse than before, but still he couldn’t get away from that stench as he half collapsed half tripped against the toilet and upheaved whatever was in his belly from the dinner he had just a few hours ago. What was once sweet and tasty now tasted vile and like acid coming up. His cheeks were wet with tears he didn’t understand why he was crying and his body was trembling and drenched in sweat. His stomach hurt so much he felt like he had been kicked repeatedly in it. He threw up twice more in the span of maybe ten minutes in the dark, his hooves shakily gripping the sides of the toilet as drool left his mouth.
Suddenly the lights flicked on and Caramel cried out in pain, covering his eyes and moving away from the toilet. His back hit the wall and he curled up as tight he could. His belly threatened to upheave again.
“S-Shoot, sorry, sorry!”
Braeburn’s voice. Caramel only barely registered this when he felt a hoof touch him. He felt hideous, his mane a mess and vomit on his chin. His eyes just barely adjusted to the light without immense pain in the next minute yet they didn’t seem to want to focus. He heard Braeburn’s voice but couldn’t register what the stallion was saying to him.
“I heard you,” Braeburn said, his voice quiet. “My cooking really that bad?”
Caramel knew it was a joke but he was too close to throwing up again to pretend to find it funny. He was only half aware of where he was over his mind screaming how awful he felt. He barely registered being lifted and pushed over the edge into a shower where Braeburn let him sit down again. Water hit him and he jumped, yelping at the icy touch. The warmth wasn’t good either. His body wouldn’t stop trembling.
Caramel didn’t know how long he sat in the shower. Eventually he laid down, letting the warm water run over him. He threw up once more, but his belly was so empty that it was hardly anything but gagging. He must have apologized at some point because Braeburn kept telling him it was okay and not that big of a deal. He didn’t remember talking, really, only the warmth of the water just barely enough to wash off the grim of sweat coating him.
He didn’t feel clean when Braeburn stopped the shower and began to dry him. He was talking, but Caramel couldn’t really focus enough to understand it. He kept one hoof pressed over his lips in fear his body might react against his will again.
“It’s gonna be okay,” Braeburn said. “You’re fine. One step at a time.”
Caramel was being led someplace. He was eventually laid into a bed and covered up. He tried to push off the covers because he was burning but Braeburn forced them down until he finally settled, panting and gasping occasionally as he tossed and turned. He only vaguely understood that he was no longer with Big Macintosh because the bed was far too small. He still smelled that stench of perfume and his eyes kept watering. He thought he was crying, but didn’t feel sad so it didn’t make sense.
“Shhh,” Braeburn said. “It’s okay, Cara. Nopony’s upset. You just got sick is all.”
Caramel was definitely crying.
Caramel thought he passed out at some point, but he wasn’t entirely sure. He tossed and turned so much and went from freezing to burning in seconds. He didn’t think he ever stopped trembling. There was a point where he was in so much pain he wanted to die. His head was pounding worse than any hangover he had ever had before.
He remembered crying at some point. His mind was enveloped in a mix of sickness and the occasional touch of nightmares prying at his mind. During one of these nightmares he was brought back by a hoof stroking his mane and lips kissing his forehead and then his cheek. He heard the name ‘Sugarcube’ once or twice. He cracked his eyes for just a second and realized it was morning. The next time he opened his eyes it was darker and the blinds had been pulled shut.
Caramel wasn’t sure how long he had been like this. Drifting in and out of consciousness between the nightmares and sickness. The stench of that perfume just wouldn’t go away. He wanted Big Macintosh to come back and touch his mane and tell him it would be okay, but he couldn’t make himself form the words to ask for it.
When Caramel finally opened his eyes for more than half a second, it was twilight. He had missed nearly a full day.
His head was throbbing, and his belly twisting fiercly. But for the first time since the day before he could form a complete thought.
“I feel like shit,” He mumbled aloud.
“I don’t doubt it,” Was the first voice that Caramel heard. If he was a little stronger he might have jumped, but it made sense that he wasn’t in the room alone. He cracked his eyes and saw Braeburn out of the corner of his eye approach him. He was holding something in his hooves that he forced against Caramel’s lips.
“Drink,” Braeburn said.
Caramel drank. It was a strange sensation feeling dehydrated as well as too sick to swallow. He could only take small sips without nearly gagging.
“Looks like you caught a twenty-four-hour virus,” Braeburn said when he pulled the water away. “Big Mac got real worried. I ain’t ever seen him pace like that. I made him go to sleep because he was awake right after I put you to bed. Last time I…”
Braeburn was rambling again, and Caramel began to zone out. Caramel rolled onto his back and covered both his eyes with his hooves and pressed down. He tried to suppress his headache with everything he could but it just wouldn’t seem to go away.
“Sorry,” Braeburn chuckled. “Too much info at once. Got it. You hungry?”
Caramel wanted to say no in fear that he might throw up whatever Braeburn gave him, but his stomach couldn’t lie. He was starving. He nodded his head and closed his eyes. What felt like seconds but was probably minutes later Braeburn came back and handed him a small plate. It was just two slices of toast.
“Go slow. Papa said to just give you toast but I added a little cinnamon, okay?”
“Okay,” Caramel mumbled in reply.
He took three bites, and that was all he could manage without his body trying to reject it. Braeburn set the plate on the night table instead. He wanted to shut his eyes and go back to sleep, but he had a feeling that the worst of it had passed and he wasn’t going to pass out again. Braeburn was standing over him with a smile. He didn’t think he had ever seen Braeburn not smile.
“I think you had a few nightmares,” Braeburn said. “You were talkin’ a lot in your sleep. Big Mac got real worried when he heard some of it, but wouldn’t spill what it was.”
“What… what did it say?” Caramel questioned. His voice felt weak.
Braeburn shrugged.
“Stuff like ‘Sage’ and ‘Mom’ and stuff like that. I didn’t really get it. Papa said I shouldn’t pry.” Braeburn frowned. It was a strange sight on him. “You’re in my room, by the way. Figured you needed your own space.”
Caramel for the first time looked around. The walls were indeed different. Yellow and white striped wallpaper. The bed was smaller but also softer, and in the corner there was a large Wonderbolts poster. He hadn’t taken Braeburn for one into sports, but there seemed to be a few random wonder-bolts themed things around the room. There was a strange plushie of a cyan Pegasus with a dark blue mohawk mane sitting on the night stand. It had little goggles around it’s neck that were far too big for its stuffed persona, but then Caramel realized they were real after a second look.
“I’m sorry,” Caramel mumbled. It was all he could think to say.
“Don’t be,” Braeburn chuckled. “You got sick, that’s all. What were the nightmares ‘bout?”
Caramel didn’t bother to tell Braeburn he hadn’t even said he had nightmares, but that was because he didn’t answer at all. He felt weird remaining silent, and Braeburn’s gaze was locked onto him.
“Sorry,” Braeburn said. “Didn’t mean to pry.”
“Mmm,” Caramel made a noise in response. It was all he could force himself to do.
“Papa went out to get some medicine,” Braeburn said, changing the subject. “I ain’t ever seen Mac worry like that, really. He loves you a lot, I can tell.”
“Mmm,” Caramel repeated the noise. He didn’t like the idea of Big Mac pacing around worrying about him. He wanted to tell Big Macintosh he was okay, but he was positive that he couldn’t even force himself to get out of bed.
“Y’know, a lot of ponies think I’m dumb,” Braeburn said suddenly. It was the first time his voice had seemed somber, and a little distant. “I was always the last pony born for like… gosh, maybe eight years? Apple Bloom and Babs came along a while later, but the family still sees me as the youngest colt sometimes. I was real scared that when I told em’ all I liked stallions they might think I was just young an’ experimenting.”
“I don’t think you’re dumb,” Caramel mumbled. It was all he could think to say.
“Thanks,” Braeburn chuckled. “But that ain’t the point. I’m just sayin’ that… even if they accept me they look at me a little weird now. You don’t know how happy I am that Big Mac came with you. I came with some stallion that ain’t even here all the time.”
Braeburn reached over to the small plushie of a Wonderbolt and pulled off the goggles.
“Big Mac an’ you talk ‘bout each other like you’ve always been together,” Braeburn said as he rolled the goggles around in his hooves. “I barely know you and you just seem so right for him. He ain’t ever open like that ‘bout how he feels even with the gals in Ponyville.”
“I love him,” Caramel said.
“I know that, Silly,” Braeburn laughed this time. “Shoot, can’t believe I didn’t notice it. He has gaga eyes all over you. I’m glad you two came early, even if you did get sick so soon.”
If Caramel’s face wasn’t so hot already he might have started blushing.
“I… I ran away from something,” Caramel said out loud. He wasn’t sure why he said it, but he turned away when he did. “That’s what the nightmare was about.”
“Oh,” Braeburn said. He didn’t push more, which surprised Caramel. “Do you want me to go wake Mac? I’m sure he’ll be happy that you woke up.”
Caramel stared hard at the wallpaper in the dim lighting and tried to stop his head from hurting so much. He ignored Braeburn’s question.
“Does it smell to you?” Caramel asked, curling up under the blanket.
“Smell?” Braeburn asked.
“Like… Perfume?”
“No, I don’t think so,” Braeburn said.
Caramel was quiet for a long time. He wasn’t sure if he was thankful for Braeburn’s rare silence but he was forced into it. He swallowed a lump in his throat he didn’t even know had formed and shut his eyes. The smell wasn’t there, but the memory was. It was so strong and overpowering. So many nights of gagging on it and hearing his mother yell.
“Me and Big Mac came here because of me,” Caramel mumbled. “I was running away from my family… Or… one of them, I guess.”
Braeburn continued to be quiet. He touched his hoof to Caramel’s side.
“My Ma ran away when I was little,” Braeburn said. “I didn’t know her at all. It was right after she had me. Papa said they were just casually dating and she accidentally got pregnant with me. She just left a month after I was born and Papa still don’t know where she went.”
“I wish I never knew my mom,” Caramel mumbled, and then instantly regretted it. He was still sick, and not thinking. He wanted to apologize but was too scared to speak, squeezing his eyes shut and begging the moment to pass without incident. “Am I bad for thinking that?”
“Well,” Braeburn said, his voice unsure. “Papa told me right before I came out at the reunion that… if Ponies didn’t treat me right they weren’t worth keeping. He loved me, and that was all I needed.”
That was what Big Macintosh had said back at the train station. Some ponies were worth leaving behind, no matter the relation.
“I think Mac might love you like Papa loved me when he said that,” Braeburn said. “So, no. I don’t think you’re bad for thinking that.”
“I’m sorry,” Caramel mumbled again. He wasn’t sure why.
Braeburn said something about asking if Caramel wanted Big Macintosh again, but Caramel barely heard it. He closed his eyes, and felt sleep come over him.
“He’s fine, Big Mac,” Braeburn said, trying to comfort his cousin.
Big Macintosh frowned, though Braeburn couldn’t see it. It was dark in his cousin’s room despite the time of day due to the shade being drawn and forced shut. Caramel was asleep, his eyes occasionally twitching with signs of dreams that Big Macintosh wanted to see but couldn’t. He had heard some of the whimpering’s and crying mixed of pains and nightmares from the first day, and hoped that they had passed and were replaced with more pleasant dreams. He held Caramel’s hoof in both of his own, sitting beside the bed for so long his backside was beginning to grow numb from the hardwood floor. He squeezed Caramel’s hoof, his chin on the bed close enough to kiss it if he outstretched his lips. He huffed out a sigh of air through his nose and saw the fur on Caramel’s hoof tremble.
“I know,” Big Macintosh muttered.
He was lying; his tone made that clear. The truth was Big Macintosh didn’t know, but had to believe. He had to believe that Caramel was okay and not hurting, physically or mentally. This wasn’t how their trip together was supposed to begin. He wasn’t supposed to be forcibly taken away from his boyfriend by a sickness that left him near comatosed during the day and awake restless at night with fever when Mac was asleep. The few conversations they had the past few days were brief, and Caramel wouldn’t so much as let Big Macintosh kiss him for fear of spreading the sickness on. Mac didn’t care if Caramel got him sick too, he just wanted to feel those lips again.
Big Macintosh shook his head ever so slightly. He was being sappy and over dramatic again.
“Seriously,” Braeburn chuckled. “Fever’s basically gone. He’s just weak today. I swear, tomorrow me an’ you and Caramel will go out and I’ll give a proper tour of… AAAAAAPL-!”
Braeburn shouted loud enough to make Big Macintosh’s ears flatten and Caramel’s face scrunch. He turned his head slightly to glare out of the corner of his eye at his cousin, who was chuckling through the hoof he had planted over his mouth once remembering Caramel was asleep.
“Sorry,” Braeburn whispered, which of course for him was to talk at normal volume. “I’m just saying, I’ve been waiting to kick off this tour for three days. He’ll be better then, Mac.”
“Yeah,” Big Macintosh muttered, having to agree with Braeburn because if he didn’t his chest would start to hurt again. “Caramel gets sick a lot.”
Braeburn was quiet, a new feat for him, and touched Big Mac’s shoulder again.
“I don’t think he knows how much it scares me,” Big Mac muttered. “Seein’ him weak and I can’t help him. Just having to watch as his body struggles to manage.”
“Mac,” Braeburn said, squeezing his shoulder now. “He’s gonna be okay.”
Somehow Braeburn managed to pull Big Macintosh away, but not before he kissed Caramel’s hoof and mumbled something about being back later. It was partially the fact that his backside was growing numb from sitting on the hardwood floor for the better part of three days that motivated him to move, but also the fact that he also hadn’t eaten all morning.
The stairs creaked under Mac’s weight in a way they didn’t for Braeburn’s as he followed his cousin. The kitchen three days prior had a sweet smell of baked apples and an undertone of cinnamon, but now it was replaced by a broth-like vegetable scent of soup. Caramel at one point during one of his more lucid conversations with Big Macintosh said that he felt so forcefully stuffed with soup he might never want to eat again.
“He walks!” Cam shouted from the kitchen where he was stirring the large pot of soup that had been made the evening before, trying to reheat it for lunch. “How’d you pull him away, Brae?”
“His stomach did most of the talking,” Braeburn said, half teasing Big Macintosh as he bumped into the workhorse before jumping off beside his father. Big Macintosh sighed, walking over to the table where before he could even sit down a steaming bowl of vegetable soup was down before him. It smelled delicious, but unfortunately Caramel wasn’t the only one growing sick of the stuff.
“Jeez, we haven’t even made a dent in this,” Cam mumbled while taking out a ladle and letting it pour back into the massive pot. “Did I tell you that you went a little overboard in the soup department, kiddo?”
“I wanted to make sure there was enough!” Braeburn whined. “Besides, we had a bunch of vegetables that were about to go bad and I didn’t wanna waste em and…”
“Okay, okay, I get it,” Cam chuckled. “I was just teasing you. The soup’s great.”
Big Macintosh took a spoonful of the soup, and had to agree. Even though he would have killed for a different flavor Braeburn really did make it perfectly. However, when he was half listening to Braeburn and Cam’s conversation he glanced to the window. He thought of the town he wanted to explore by now with Caramel and make him feel acquainted with. He thought of Caramel still holed up in bed. He had more than once daydreamed about Caramel and him exploring the town alone, and when Caramel complained about the heat they would find shade and cuddle together like they used to do back at Sweet Apple Acres. If he could, he would have made this Caramel’s home away from home if only for the few weeks they were here. Instead, his boyfriend was miserable and ill.
Suddenly he didn’t feel too hungry. He swirled the spoon around in the bowl without really catching anything, watching the contents swish and move.
“He’s fine, Big Mac,” Cam said when he placed a cup in front of Big Macintosh. “I mean it.”
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh once again had to agree. The cup smelled of tea, and he took a sip. Apple flavored.
“Seriously!” Braeburn said through a mouthful of soup he was quite literally wolfing down, Cam giving him a slightly disapproving look, which he then proceeded to swallow a mouthful so big he had to gasp after. “I took his temperature and everything! Caramel’s totally fine now! He’s just tired from all of it. Seriously, tomorrow we can go out together and have a blast. It’s just till tomorrow, Mac. He ain’t sick no more.”
Big Macintosh was tempted to agree again but didn’t. He thought again to the night where Caramel was sick and felt guilty. He had been stirred from slumber by Caramel rushing out of bed but thought nothing of it. He thought Caramel desperately needed the bathroom or something. He fell back asleep without thought only to be woken in the morning to be told Caramel had been up sick all night. The first time he saw his boyfriend that morning he was pale with eyes that looked like he hadn’t slept in a decade. He was burning yet shivering, and the sight of it was all too familiar and frightening to Big Macintosh. He thought of his parents for just a second and then tightened his jawline.
“You really care about him, huh?” Braeburn asked.
It made Big Macintosh’s chest loosen slightly. He looked to Braeburn, who had stopped eating and seemed to have been staring right at him. He couldn’t imagine what his face looked like in that moment of confusing thought but it must have been worrying to make Braeburn look at him like that.
Big Macintosh was just about to open his mouth to say of course he did, but was interrupted by a loud chime coming from the living room. The grandfather clock chimed off every hour on the hour, and from the upper level of the house it was hard to hear in the dead of night. He was just about to ignore it and continue his conversation, but suddenly Braeburn slammed his hooves down on the table hard enough to rattle his soup bowl and make some of the broth spill over onto the counter.
“Crap!” Braeburn shouted, shooting up from his seat with wide, frantic eyes. He rushed out of the room and up the stairs, hooves clanking so hard the whole house felt like it was rumbling. Big Macintosh blinked and the stallion was back nearly tripping as he forced his leather vest over his forelegs, his hat pushed so quickly on his head that his bangs were caught in his eyes blocking his vision. He let out about a dozen more craps before rushing out of the door.
“Um,” Big Macintosh said.
“He’s late for work,” Cam sighed.
Suddenly the door Braeburn had just slammed was flung open and Braeburn came running back in, tackling his father with full force and kissing his cheek and then running to Big Mac and doing the same, albeit Cam was prepared for this and Big Macintosh was not so it nearly made him lose his balance.
“Byeloveyouseeyoulater!” Braeburn shouted, already skidding out of the kitchen and back out the door. It slammed again as Big Macintosh was sitting up and rubbing his cheek where he had been kissed.
“That’s my scatterbrained colt,” Cam said, humor glinting in his eyes. “Feel lucky he didn’t hit you first. I got most of the impact.”
“I can see that,” Big Macintosh said, rubbing his ribs where Braeburn had rammed into him.
Cam and Braeburn’s house was like that often. One moment it was a whirlwind of excitement and rush and the next it was dead quiet as though nothing had ever happened. To say Big Mac was growing accustomed to his hyperactive cousin being around twenty-four-seven might have been a stretch, but he certainly was no longer surprised.
Big Macintosh finished his soup slowly. It was cold now. Cam was cleaning up the mess Braeburn had made of his own half-finished soup and Big Macintosh stood up, walking over to the sink and running water through his bowl. He caught himself staring down and holding it there for a long while, just letting the water soak his hooves. It must have been noticeably long, because eventually Cam came up and turned the water off.
“You okay?” Cam questioned.
Big Macintosh felt his chest tighten involuntarily. Cam’s voice was nostalgic for half a second. Deep and southern, something that sounded like his father. It was a wisp of a memory. It had been a long time since somepony had asked him if he was okay in that parental tone.
Big Macintosh frowned. He thought about saying he was just to push the situation along. He then thought that Cam would see right through his lies or beating around the bush. After all, he knew him and Caramel were a couple within minutes of being in this house.
“I’m supposed to be there for Caramel right now,” Big Macintosh mumbled under his breath. He didn’t realize how bitter it would come out until he nearly snarled. He wasn’t sure what he was suddenly angry at, certainly not Cam and definitely not Caramel. “We came here to get away and I’m supposed to protect him.”
“Protect?” Cam chuckled. Some of the annoyance now shifted to Cam. “He’s not eight, Mac.”
Big Macintosh remained silent.
“Look, I know after your parents you had a rough time raising your sisters,” Cam said, touching Mac’s shoulder the same way Braeburn had earlier. Big Macintosh was tempted to slink away, but let him remain like that. He still stared down at his hooves, now dripping with water. “Caramel knows you’re there for him. I still don’t know what you’re running away from, but I know you’re doing it because you care about him.”
Big Macintosh lifted his hooves slightly now and planted one against his forehead. It was cool to the touch. He continued to remain silent.
“Look, Braeburn has a… He has this stallion who… he has a friend,” Cam said. His voice kept pausing as if he was struggling to find the right words. Big Macintosh glanced to him. Cam had his eyes shut now and his face was cocked downward slightly as he nodded his head.
“A boyfriend?” Big Macintosh asked.
“Hoo nelly,” Cam chuckled. “That’s a mess I don’t want to get into right now. It’s complicated, let’s just say that.”
“So not a boyfriend,” Big Macintosh said. It wasn’t a question.
“He’s a stallion who comes by every few months. I don’t know when it started, really. He didn’t tell me till way after it did.” Cam cracked his eyes, looking a bit somber at that last part. “When he’s around you wouldn’t believe the way Braeburn lights up when he’s in town. You think he smiles now, you ain’t seen nothing. I think he loves that stallion with all the heart he has, and my son has got a lot of heart to give.”
Big Macintosh was beginning to wonder just what the point of this story was. He doubted it was to brag about his son’s relationship.
“But this stallion he’s with, he has to travel a lot. They hook up maybe three-four times a year. Whenever he leaves Braeburn gets sad. Sadder than I ever see him normally, really,” Cam was frowning now. “He’ll go in his room for three days and not come out for anything but food and the bathroom. When he’s over it he’s happy again, but not like he was when that stallion’s around.”
“What’s the point in this?” Big Macintosh asked bluntly. It wasn’t like him to be rude, especially to family, yet the words came out anyway.
“You ever read a story with some strict father who tries to break up a relationship he thinks is bad?” Cam questioned. He smiled now, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “You’re looking at him.”
Big Macintosh blinked. He couldn’t imagine Cam as a strict father ever.
“This stallion’s kind of a big shot. Real traveler sort of pony. Wants to see the sights, wants to never stay in one place. Braeburn’s the exact opposite. I thought they were a bad match for each other. Always visiting, always hooking up, never saying they were actually boyfriends. I told Braeburn he shouldn’t see him anymore, and that I thought it was unhealthy.”
Cam pinched his temple. Big Macintosh vaguely remembered a time where Cam said they didn’t fight often, and wondered if this was an exception. From the way Cam was pausing now it seemed like it was. The memory clearly pained him.
“You tried to do what you thought was right,” Big Macintosh said. He didn’t mean it to be defending Cam, more stating the obvious. He think he understood the point of being told this.
“He wouldn’t talk to me for a week. He rented a hotel and everything. He has the money to move out anytime he wants, but he sticks by his old man still,” Cam chuckled. “He’s a real Papa’s boy. He told me when we finally started talking again that he was the one afraid to ask the guy to be his boyfriend. Scared he’d get too attached and wind up miserable because he knew neither of them would change.”
“I know what you’re tryin’ to say,” Big Macintosh mumbled.
“What’s that?” Cam questioned.
“That I shouldn’t do what I think is best for Caramel if he don’t think it is,” Big Macintosh mumbled. He thought back to that day less than a week ago when he decided Caramel was going to come with him. It hadn’t been a question back then, but a fact. He knew in the back of his mind if Caramel said no he wouldn’t be able to force him, but he knew he would fight for it. Caramel hadn’t wanted it at first. Caramel wanted to stay, afraid of running.
“You two are a good match,” Cam said. “I just don’t want to see somepony else screw up for no reason. That guy’s name, the one Braeburn likes. Name’s Soarin… I think they’re a good match too, they just don’t know it yet.”
“Good match?” Big Mac asked, looking in Cam’s eyes now. “You mean it?”
“Course I do, dummy!” Cam laughed when slugging Mac’s foreleg. “Heck, if you weren’t you wouldn’t be up there starving yourself just watching him sleep like a creep.”
Big Macintosh and Cam both chuckled. It felt good to laugh.
“I’m not saying you’re doing the wrong thing just being here,” Cam said. “I’m just saying try not to think you’re saying the guy from whatever it is you’re keeping him from.”
Big Macintosh looked back down, thinking again. The situation seemed less black and white than he had thought it to be earlier. It resided in a grey area. If they were back in Ponyville Big Macintosh could be there if Caramel’s mother came, but here in Appleloosa it was avoiding confrontation all together. It seemed right at the time, and even Sage had agreed.
“Don’t think too hard,” Cam chuckled. “You’ll hurt yourself.”
Big Macintosh blinked, and mumbled something in agreement while he went against Cam’s advice.
“Hey,” Cam said, leaning on the sink and staring out the window. “How are the stars in Ponyville?”
This… was a weird question. A sudden change in topic aside, it just wasn’t something Big Macintosh had ever considered thoroughly.
“Fine?” Big Macintosh said. It came out as a question.
“I’m sure they are,” Cam said, nodding his head out. Big Macintosh followed his gaze. “But it’s close to Canterlot. Big, bright city. Blocks out the real brightness of them late at night. Here though, we’re so far out that they’re almost blinding. In fact, a perfect spot is way at the top of that mountain. See it?”
Big Macintosh did. It looked like it wasn’t that far. A large thing but not too big where it seemed impossible to climb.
“Ain’t much up there but a little clearing near the top. Great place to see the stars and get away for a bit. There’s a path that winds up the thing and it’s safe, even at night. Could take a wagon up there and stare all night long. Maybe a half-hour walk at most.”
“Uncle Cam?” Big Macintosh asked.
“Y’know, Caramel really isn’t sick anymore, just tired,” Cam said.
Big Macintosh stared out, the mountain in sight. Cam nudged his shoulder and smirked, winking at him. He wasn’t exactly subtle, but right now Big Mac was already letting the gears in his head turn. He smiled too, his chest fluttering slightly.
Big Macintosh wiped the sweat from his brow when he finally finished the preparations needed. It had been quite a while since he had needed to wear his horse collar, but for tonight it was a necessity. It was chilly, but nothing compared to the early spring nights in Ponyville.
The clock struck midnight nearly as soon as Big Macintosh walked in through the door, not bothering to close it behind him. The house was dark, but messing around outside so late at night his eyes had already adjusted. Even walking on his tip-hooves his steps were loud under his weight, so he went slowly with a coy near child-like smile on his face.
Big Mac had never had a rebellious stage as a child, mostly because he couldn’t afford to. There was no sneaking out late with boyfriends or even girlfriends, just early to bed early to rise. Tonight was the first break in his streak, even if his Uncle had planted the idea in his mind.
He was quiet when he passed the couch, mostly because Braeburn was laying on it asleep snoring very loudly. He went up the stairs, his cousin’s noises masking the creaking. When he got to Braeburn’s room the door was shut so he pushed it open as gently as he could.
“Hello?” A wide-awake voice without a hint of drowsiness called.
Caramel’s sleep schedule was so messed up after his ill spell that of course he would be struggling to fall back asleep this time of night. Big Macintosh had to resist rushing over to him the moment their eyes met and he smiled.
“Mac, what are you do-”
By resist he meant for about four seconds. He hit Caramel and their lips met, molding together as he half threw himself on the bed and pinned Caramel down. A mix of panic followed by giggling excitement and submissive was what he felt in Caramel’s squirming. When they broke Caramel was giggling, but covering his mouth with his hoof to keep himself quiet.
“Mac, what are you doing?” Caramel whispered.
“Come with me,” Big Macintosh hissed into Caramel’s ear. Caramel squirmed again, giggling at the ticklish sensation of Mac’s breath in his ear.
“B-Braeburn said not to get out of bed until tomorrow,” Caramel said back.
“It is tomorrow.” Big Macintosh grinned. “And you ain’t sick anymore, are you?”
Caramel smiled.
“Nope.”
That seemed to be all the convincing he needed to let Big Macintosh take his hoof. He pulled Caramel from the bed and made a shushing motion with his hoof and lips. Deep down he knew not much would happen if either Cam or Braeburn caught them, but it was the thrill of pretending they were sneaking out that made it so exciting. Caramel was clearly trying not to giggle and gripping Mac’s hoof firmly. Big Macintosh guided Caramel in the dark. Caramel’s warmth was right there near him as their bodies pressed. They went down the stairs past Braeburn’s snoring.
“Close your eyes,” Big Macintosh whispered when they got close to the door.
Caramel complied, and Big Macintosh led him slowly out the door, making sure all of him to the tip of his tail was out before closing it. He led Caramel further, down the few steps of the porch and around the side of the house. He shimmied Caramel into place and kissed his nose once, his reward a sweet-sounding giggle.
“Open em,” Big Macintosh said, his tone now normal.
Caramel opened his eyes. Instantly, they widened.
Big Macintosh had stolen, the word being used lightly, a large wagon meant for hoarding apples around from the back of his uncle’s house. It was clearly a spare. He had loaded it with blankets and pillow to the brim in a way that made the once hard wood interior look absolutely cozy. A lantern was lit and calling light to the wagon, and in the front were large saddle bags that looked bulging with contents. Caramel stared in awe.
“What is this?” Caramel asked, still whispering.
“Our first date in Appleloosa,” Big Macintosh said, pressing his lips to Caramel’s ear. “You getting in?”
“You mean you’re gonna pull me where we’re going?” Caramel asked, his face in the dark still clearly flustered looking. It was a good kind though, as if he was in disbelieve. “I-I can walk just fine, Mac.”
“You just got done bein’ sick,” Big Macintosh said, pulling Caramel’s hoof close to the cart with very little resistant. “Besides, you can stare at my behind the whole way there.”
“M-Mac!” Caramel snapped.
Big Macintosh just laughed and kissed Caramel firmly on the lips, the taste delectable after being away for so long, and ushered him onto the cart. Caramel complied, but only because he was blushing too hard to fight. Big Macintosh grabbed the saddles and placed them on his back right before hooking the cart to his horse collar. He gave Caramel a little demonstration of what he was talking about by wiggling playfully, and looked over his shoulder to see Caramel was covering his eyes shyly but still laying down comfortably.
“I hate you,” Caramel whined, clearly trying not to giggle.
Big Macintosh smiled. It was the first time in days he had felt truly happy.
When the cart began to move Caramel groaned and settled down. He was grabbing one of the pillows, the biggest and softest, and laying on his side curled up. He looked peaceful.
“So, my apparent escort,” Caramel giggled, squirming excitedly in the cart enough to make it whine with creaking. “Where are we heading?”
“You’ll see,” Big Macintosh said, smirking teasingly.
Caramel rolled his eyes but didn’t push further. He seemed excited, perhaps glad to finally be out of the bed as much as Mac was glad to see him.
They skirted around the back of the main part of town, which was all closed without a single light on. It was probably twenty past midnight when they got to the base of the mountain, and sure enough there was a wide and reliable looking pathway that twisted up and seemed to curl around. He looked up, and it was a good hundred to two-hundred feet tall. Caramel looked up too.
“Are we going up there?” Caramel asked.
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh said, deciding to drop the mystery now that it was obvious.
“Is it… safe?” Caramel asked, hesitation in his tone. When Mac glanced over his shoulder he was peering over the edge of the cart to the end of the cliff which was about eight feet away from the wheel. Already they were gaining some height.
“I’ll keep you safe, Sugarcube,” Big Macintosh said, half joking and half reassuringly.
“O-Okay,” Caramel said. He nodded his head and didn’t argue further, but Mac noticed he had kept his head low and stared towards the mountain instead of at the outside where they were going higher and higher. Big Macintosh’s breath was a bit hard to catch halfway, and he was very thankful he was used to labor or else this plan would be a disaster fifteen minutes ago.
It took just as long as Cam said it would to reach the top. Thirty minutes. Big Macintosh could feel himself sweating but didn’t mind because here at the top there really was a clearing. It was wide enough for two-dozen carts without danger much less one. Around him there was nothing but open fields staring down and Appleloosa in the distance.
“Wow,” Caramel mumbled.
Big Macintosh saw he was looking up, so for the first time he followed his boyfriend’s gaze.
It was nothing like Big Macintosh had ever seen. A sea of stars bright and shimmering, closer than he had ever thought possible. They were dazzling and near blinding to look at. There were thousands upon thousands more than he had ever seen from Ponyville. No light from towns to dim them, and nothing to hide their majesty other than the limit of Big Macintosh’s sight. It was hard to pull his gaze away and look back to Caramel who hadn’t managed to do the same just yet.
Big Macintosh dropped the front of the wagon after it was on solid, flat ground and went over to Caramel. He climbed into the cart and instantly wrapped his hooves around his lover, pulling him down with a slight yelp of playful protest from the other. Caramel giggled, and Big Macintosh instantly buried his nose as deep as he could into the fur on Caramel’s chest and breathed in deeply. He touched Caramel quickly, in places he hadn’t since the train ride, and felt Caramel begin to do the same to him.
“I love you,” Big Macintosh gasped. He couldn’t remember starting the kiss but it was the first words he said when they broke apart. By now the neat bundle of blankets and pillows was a mess from their tossing and turning. He kissed Caramel again, this time on his neck. He was laying on Caramel, so some of his weight was forced up by Caramel’s back arching in response.
“I-I love you too,” Caramel whispered back, his voice trembling from the way Big Macintosh was touching him.
Big Mac felt hungry as though he had been starved from his lover for weeks, not days. Caramel smelled slightly of the medicine and soup that had been forced into him, and he knew he himself smelled of sweat from the exhausting climb, but he couldn’t keep his hooves to himself for a second longer. The way Caramel was reacting and grabbing back meant that Caramel must have felt the same.
Somehow Caramel ended up on top of Big Macintosh in their tossing and turning and grabbing. He was sitting up, legs on either side of Mac. His body was now glistening with sweat of his own and almost shimmering in the light of the moon closer than it had ever been. Big Macintosh once more was unable to fully convey with words what Caramel meant to him in this moment, in this second. They both froze, panting and smiling at each other.
“You okay?” Big Macintosh asked. “Not to bad after you just got sick?”
“No,” Caramel gasped and shook his head. “You’re just a little wilder than normal.”
Big Macintosh laughed, pulling Caramel down into a kiss and hug and another roll against the side of the cart. At some point he whispered to Caramel to grab something from the saddle bags he had abandoned at some point at the back of the cart. He wanted to feel Caramel in every sense of the word, and for Caramel to want the same of him.
Big Macintosh had no idea how long they were like that. Two wild animal-like stallions wrestling as though they were in heat, which they for all intents and purposes might have been, but once they winded down it was in a mess of forelegs and hindlegs wrapping around the other tangled into blankets and pillows. Caramel’s body was hot with sweat that mirrored Mac’s own when they were done, for the moment at least.
“You’re beautiful,” Big Macintosh mumbled, stroking Caramel’s chest.
“That’s not something you call a stallion, Mac,” Caramel mumbled, a little embarrassed.
“Who taught you that?” Big Macintosh asked. “You are.”
Caramel blinked. The light from the dazzling sky was so bright and evident that he could see Caramel and all his features so clearly without the aid of the lantern he had brought. Caramel touched his face.
“You’re beautiful too, then,” Caramel giggled.
They kissed once, twice, three times more. Some of that fire from before that Mac thought had left his system was returning and it was a struggle to pull away. To just be in this moment with Caramel. He held Caramel, squeezing him really. It was just an inch before pain before he loosened his grip and allowed Caramel to hold him back.
“Caramel?” Big Macintosh asked.
“Yeah?” Caramel responded, his voice half teasing. It was clear his mind was elsewhere.
“Did you want to come?” Big Macintosh pushed Caramel away only slightly, their chests parted but bottom halves still intertwined under the blankets. “To Appleloosa, I mean?”
“Yeah,” Caramel nodded his head. “The reunion sounds nice.”
Big Macintosh frowned. That wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He reached out his hoof, touching Caramel’s face and brushing his mane aside. He wanted to badly to kiss him right now and end this conversation here. Make it a perfect moment.
“I mean… now,” Big Macintosh said. “Right now, I mean. So early. Cause of your…”
Mom. Big Macintosh thought. He couldn’t say the word out loud, but from the change in Caramel’s face from a grin to neutral and stone-like he knew he didn’t have to finish.
“I… I don’t know,” Caramel said, reaching down his hood and finding Big Macintosh’s own before squeezing it. Suddenly his gaze looked away, back up to the stars. Big Macintosh wanted to stare in his eyes so badly but wouldn’t force it until Caramel felt ready. He leaned in, kissing Caramel’s cheek.
“I guess… I came because you wanted me too?” Caramel asked.
“I’m sorry,” Big Macintosh mumbled.
“Huh?” Caramel said, glancing over. Big Macintosh knew he must have looked saddened, because Caramel’s eyes widened. “What’s wrong?”
“I thought… I thought it was best for you,” Big Macintosh said, almost ashamed in his tone being so submissive and weak. He touched Caramel’s hoof and pulled it to his face to feel the warmth. “I thought you needed out. To be away from her. To just get out.”
“Mac,” Caramel whispered, stroking his hoof slightly down Mac’s cheek and against his neck before landing on his chest. Big Macintosh closed his eyes, thinking of Cam’s words. “That’s my problem, not yours.”
“Exactly!” Big Mac almost shouted, startling Caramel. “I… I didn’t think ‘bout taking no for an answer if you would come. I just rushed you out and… What if I should have just been there with you if she came? What if… You just went along because I made you?”
Big Macintosh kept his eyes closed for a long time. Eventually he felt lips settle on his and he shrunk away, but finally cracked them to see Caramel was sitting up. From laying down he could see Caramel’s back, his tail swishing near Mac’s face. He was staring out at Appleloosa now, but probably not looking there. Mac sat up too and touched Caramel’s back. It was already growing cold this high up and free of the blankets, so he pulled it up and wrapped it around the other.
“Mom found out I liked stallions after I moved out with Sage,” Caramel said suddenly. He looked down at the mess they had made in the blankets and pillows. “I just graduated school. Something got out in the last week that eventually reached her. This… this dumb letter I sent to a guy I liked.”
Caramel swallowed a lump in his throat. Big Macintosh touched his chest, and was greeted with a hoof slipping over his own.
“He showed it to everypony and laughed. It spread and everypony knew. It hit town, and eventually all the way back home about a month after me and Sage moved out,” Caramel said, looking to Mac. “She visited us. I don’t remember how she knew where we were but she acted all nice and friendly, not like her usual self. Sage wanted her out but she was acting so differently he thought that… that she might want to say something.”
“Sugar,” Big Macintosh touched Caramel’s face. His eyes looked watering, but hadn’t spilled with tears yet. “You don’t gotta tell me. I know it…”
He was about to say hurts, but stopped short.
“She eventually brought up money,” Caramel said. “She knew Sage had to have some since we were able to move out. The more we denied it the angrier she got. She started being herself again… like some awful transformation. Right before Sage threw her out she said…”
“Caramel,” Big Macintosh tried to interject.
“That I obviously started going after stallions because obviously, no mare was ever gonna love me… a-and all I wanted to do was get fucked.”
Caramel was crying now. It wasn’t dramatic, or big, or anything really. Just a few tears slipping past his eyes. Big Macintosh’s chest seized with panic as he touched Caramel’s face, his hoof wet. He touched his other eye and swore quietly, clearly not wanting to cry. It was a quiet, gentle kind that came out against his will. It wasn’t for pity or attention, just pain.
“S-She tried to hit me,” Caramel said, closing his eyes now. “Sage stopped her. Threatened to get the cops if she didn’t leave. Said we were over eighteen now and she couldn’t do anything anymore. I just stood there stunned and said nothing. She gave me that look she always did whenever I cried… like she was angry at me for it.”
Caramel gripped the blankets now, leaving his hoof from Mac’s own.
“Sugar, I love you,” Big Macintosh said. It was all he could think to say in the moment. “I love you so much. More than anypony, okay?”
“I know,” Caramel said, sniffling now and wiping his face with a clear frustration in his movements like he wanted to stop crying but couldn’t. “I know. I know. I know.”
Caramel kept repeating it now. He didn’t sound like he wanted to convince himself, but was reminding himself again and again through whatever pain he was showing right now.
“Something like that happened every time she visited,” Caramel said. “Either to me or Sage she would say something that pushed it over the edge at one point or another.”
“She’s out of your life, Sugar,” Big Macintosh said. “I told you. Ponies like her are worth leaving behind.”
“But she isn’t left behind, Mac,” Caramel said, gripping his chest. “She’s always there. Always coming and following us and wanting things. I don’t… I don’t love her at all.”
Caramel winced as though he had been struck. It was a painful confession, one Big Macintosh wondered if it had ever passed his lips before. He wanted to kiss those lips and tell Caramel it would all be okay, that he was here and that he would never let anything happen to him.
Then Cam’s words crossed his mind again.
He’s not eight, Mac.
Cam was right. Caramel wasn’t a child, but an equal. Caramel was just barely younger than him and fully grown, an adult with a right to make decisions for himself. Big Macintosh had stolen that right by whisking him away from Ponyville. He wasn’t a knight in shining armor for Caramel, but just one pony. One pony who loved him as much as he could, but still just one. It wasn’t his right to decide what was best for Caramel.
“I didn’t want to run away,” Caramel said. “From her and Ponyville. I didn’t want to. I thought that it was wrong or selfish and hiding or… I don’t know. I thought that because she was my mom I had to stay put and take it.”
Big Macintosh’s ears went flat against his head in shame.
“But I’m glad you convinced me otherwise,” Caramel said.
“Sugar, I… I shoulda known what you wanted,” Big Macintosh said. “Don’t say that to make me feel better.”
“No.” Caramel shook his head. “That’s it, Mac. I don’t think this is my problem anymore. This isn’t about what’s best for Caramel, it’s about what’s best for Caramel and Big Macintosh.”
Big Macintosh felt his grip on Caramel’s hoof loosen. He stared at Caramel in the dark of night lit only by the bright moon and stars above. His face was streaked with wet tears but he looked firmer now. Stronger than Big Macintosh thought he looked a moment before. The way he said their names, as if they were a single unit and not just one.
Together. That’s right, they were together.
“You care about me,” Caramel said. He said it slow, like it was a struggle. When it came out he cast his eyes away, that look of strength slipping slightly. “You did what you thought you had to for me. It’s why you brought me here. I’m not at the reunion just for you, right?”
“No,” Big Macintosh shook his head. “You’re here for… for us, Sugarcube. Because I love you and want everypony to know.”
“Yeah,” Caramel shook his head and wiped his eyes. “We’re us now. I thought… I thought I had to cower at home with Sage because I had to. Because she was right and… and nopony cared about me.”
Big Macintosh looked at Caramel, desperately wanting to kiss him.
“I care about you,” Big Macintosh said.
“I don’t need her,” Caramel nodded his head when he spoke, closing his eyes as he chanted it to himself. “I don’t need her. I don’t need to take it anymore.”
When he finally opened his eyes, he looked happier. Big Macintosh couldn’t take it any longer and leaned in.
They kissed. They fell back onto their mess of blankets. Caramel’s cheeks were wet and rubbed off on Mac, but he had stopped crying. Big Macintosh squeezed Caramel, holding him close. He felt himself pant when they parted but went right back. The fire was returning, and fast, but it was different. Not desperate or in heat, but wanting to be a part of Caramel. To go slow, and easy, and make sure to show with actions stronger than words how deeply he cared and loved Caramel. Caramel had done the talking for now, but it was Big Macintosh’s turn to return the favor in his own language. The language he could speak only physically.
Big Macintosh kissed Caramel’s neck, not quite sure how he ended up there, and a slight moan escaped Caramel’s mouth that vibrated his entire body.
Not just Big Macintosh. He thought to himself. Caramel and Big Macintosh.
Caramel was right. This wasn’t his own problem or Caramel’s problem, but their shared problem as a couple to tackle together. He might not have handled it perfectly, and he would strive to be better, but they were together now, stronger than they had ever before.
In that moment, with the heat of Caramel’s entire body pressed to him, he knew that he never wanted to let Caramel go.
Applejack sighed. Her body ached all over. It wasn’t normal for work around the farm to make her exhausted, much less sore and achy as she felt right now. It was right about the time when she was starting to wonder if Rarity would let her tag along on one of her spa trips for a good massage did she know she was losing both her mind and her sanity from exhaustion. But really, who could blame her?
Getting prepared for the first harvest after winter never felt this exhausting before. Then again, she thought to herself, it was the first time she hadn’t had Big Macintosh to help her.
She rolled over in the grass, her body under a tree which was just now starting to grow back its leaves. It wasn’t shade exactly, many of the streams of light breaking through the cracks in the bare branches, but the days in Ponyville were still too nice to have any need for shade. She stared up at the sky, her hat tipped down just enough to block out the sun. She thought again about her brother, and how it was unlike him to just run off.
Applejack had been thinking about that a lot lately. Working alone on the farm for most of the day, given Apple Bloom was in school and Granny Smith was too old, meant that she had a lot of time to think. It wasn’t as if working with Big Macintosh was much of a two-way conversation, but she could at least talk at her brother and he’d listen during those times. During endless hours of scrubbing old buckets and tuning up old wagons and making sure none of the trees were growing rot, she thought of the absence of her brother.
It hadn’t crossed her mind at the time, at least not in full. Big Macintosh hadn’t given her enough time to let it sink in that he was leaving so early for her to realize how abnormal the whole thing had been.
“He didn’t even say goodbye to me,” Apple Bloom had said once Applejack had told her the news. She sounded disappointed at the time, and a bit confused. Those feelings had a way of rubbing off on her big sister.
Maybe that’s when she started thinking about it. Applejack wasn’t even sure if Big Macintosh had even said goodbye to Granny Smith at the time he seemed to be in such a hurry.
It was just a spur of the moment idea with Caramel. Applejack thought to herself when she closed her eyes, a long sigh escaping her lips. She had been telling herself this every time she began to worry. It wasn’t like there was anything to worry about. She had gotten Big Macintosh’s letters, brief and to the point as he himself was but they were always normal. It was just… the idea of Big Macintosh being a spur of the moment type of pony didn’t fit right with him. Him and Caramel running away together on a mini vacation for romantic reasons Applejack didn’t want to think about might have been normal if it hadn’t been for his eyes.
His eyes looked nervous. As Big Macintosh was gathering his things and talking, speaking faster than he normally did at the time. His eyes didn’t look right at the time. Too dodgy and refusing to look at her. The eyes of somepony running away on a spur of the moment romantic vacation would be excited, and maybe a little nervous. Big Macintosh’s eyes were the latter, but certainly not the former.
“Ugh,” Applejack groaned as she planted both hooves over either side of her head, the action causing her forelegs to ache. She shook her head slowly, ordering herself to stop thinking so much and just trust her brother. Since when did her family lie? She was the element of harmony for honesty, after all. She didn’t know if the Apple Family had a bone in their body that could lie.
Just avoid the truth. She thought. That was when she rolled over and jumped up, smashing her hind leg in the tree near her until all the branches rattled and a few old, dry twigs fell around her.
“It’s fine!” She shouted in a manner that clearly showed it was not fine.
“Excuse me? Is this a bad time?”
Applejack’s head whipped around. She heard a voice, a mare’s voice. She half expected it to be one of her friends, but then she saw a face of somepony she had never seen before. No, that was a lie. She hadn’t seen this pony before but something was familiar. Her eyes were bright blue, her mane tied back and light brown. Her coat was yellow, bright yellow actually. It reminded her of her cousin in Appleloosa.
“Oh, Howdy stranger!” Applejack said, more concerned that somepony she didn’t know had just seen her kick a tree for no reason over the fact that said stranger was on her property. She went up to the mare who was standing at the edge of the dirt path and put on a friendly smile, snatching up her hoof and giving it a shake. She put on her best smile. “Nope! Great time! Any time’s great for company! You lost or just interested in our Apple Family magic?”
“Um… A little of both,” The mare responded. Applejack couldn’t look away from her eyes. They were so… familiar in the strangest of ways. Her voice, though, it was slightly off from her looks. What Applejack mistook for timid was actually raspy, almost like she had a cold. Actually, now that Applejack was closer the mare wasn’t nearly as flawless looking as she might have thought. Her eyes had heavy bags that looked like equal parts age as well as exhaustion. Her mane was frizzled and messy with loose ends sticking out. She was older than Applejack thought at first. Old enough to be her mother, actually.
“My name is Toffee,” The mare said. “I’m actually looking for somepony. My son, actually. I asked around town a little and they told me he usually is around a pony who lives around here.”
She smiled, and Applejack realized what she had been smelling was a strong, over aggressive layering of perfume seemingly excreting from the mare before her. She was curvy, but not in a bad way. She just looked like she had rolled out of bed without bothering to brush her mane or look in the mirror, something Applejack could respect.
Then it clicked. Applejack knew why she recognized this mare’s eyes.
“Oh, you’re Caramel’s mom?” Applejack asked, her smile widening. “Shoot! Thought I saw a bit of family resemblance!”
Toffee’s mouth pursed. This caught Applejack off guard slightly before it returned to a regular smile. She seemed almost annoyed at the mention that she looked anything like Caramel. Applejack thought to herself very briefly when was the last time Caramel had even mentioned his mother, but the thought passed just as soon as the conversation picked up again.
“Are they here?” Toffee questioned. “My son and his…”
“Boyfriend?” Applejack questioned. “You mean Big Mac?”
That slight purse returned, but then was replaced.
“Yes…” Toffee said hesitantly.
“Well… Shoot,” Applejack shrugged. “Didn’t you stop at their house? I know his brother’s still in town. Didn’t he tell you?”
“I tried,” Toffee said. Suddenly her eyes cast away. “But Sage… He wasn’t home.”
There it was again. A slight hesitation as if the mare had to think about what she was saying. She frowned slightly, and Applejack thought to herself that this whole conversation felt off. She tried again to think of the last time Caramel mentioned his mother, or any of his family apart from Sage.
“Well, Caramel and Big Macintosh are gone,” Applejack chuckled, trying to keep the tone light. “Went away on a little trip together. Should be back in a few weeks.”
“Has he been dating this… stallion long?” Toffee questioned, her eyes still cast down to her hooves in which she was dragging one through the dirt in the path. “What was his name?”
“Figures,” Toffee said. Her tone was stiff, but it was followed up by a chuckle. Applejack blinked at this mare, the stench of her perfume strong. “Caramel’s still in that mindset, huh? He always was a … silly stallion. I told him
“Yeah…” Applejack mumbled, suddenly questioning this mare before her. Something was stirring around in her head that wasn’t quite connecting. She tried to pass whatever barrier was holding her back from figuring out the problem she didn’t even know she was trying to solve, but came up empty hooved. “Big Macintosh is really good to Caramel, though. They’re a good fit, I swear.”
A need to defend the two. Applejack was vaguely aware of the irony that two years ago she was the one who needed to be told those words to understand Big Macintosh and Caramel’s relationship. She didn’t know why she felt the need to speak her mind now, but it came up.
“I’m sure,” Toffee mumbled, her tone unconvinced.
“Do you… want to come in for tea or something?”
Toffee’s eyes glanced up and down the pathway. Applejack knew her home was just in sight, but Toffee was frowning now. It was a disapproving frown, the kind Applejack saw and it just made her stomach twist. She was suddenly self conscious of the fact that she had just got done working and her mane was a mess, her hooves covered in mud, and her body sweaty. She felt judged, but shook her head and called herself silly for even having the thought.
“No thanks,” Toffee said. Applejack didn’t like this mare’s tone. “Where did you say Caramel and his… friend went?”
“I didn’t,” Applejack said.
“Yes,” Toffee chuckled. Her eyes changed suddenly, meeting Applejack’s own. They were harder than her smile, more serious. “But where, exactly?”
Applejack blinked. This was Caramel’s mother. She realized in all the time with him over she never once asked about her, but somehow this isn’t what she pictured. If anything, she pictured a pony a lot like Caramel. Maybe an older Fluttershy, or somepony equally as timid and shy. This mare might have had Caramel’s eyes, but she had a harder stance and tone and authority that Applejack struggled to connect the two in anything but the color of their manes and the shape and look of her eyes. Maybe, she thought, Caramel took more after his father.
“Appleloosa,” Applejack said, her thoughts so wrapped up she didn’t think before she spoke. “Out with my cousin. Why?”
"No reason," Toffee answered with a smile. "Just curious, is all."
Caramel had lost track of how many times he had heard the word. As it turned out, Braeburn knew every single pony in Appleloosa and seemed intent to introduce every single one of them to Caramel the longer the night went on. Over the past two hours, he had been shaken, hugged, kissed on his cheek, and been told he was a sweetheart at least a dozen times each. Everypony who he met was starting to blur together into one mesh in which they came at him so fast that it was hard to remember anything distinct about a good number of them, much less their names. Everypony here looked a little like Braeburn, mostly earth ponies with strong looking limbs, and often a vest or cowpony hat of some kind.
“Oh, it’s great ain’t it?” Braeburn asked, his hooves occasionally trampling on the dirty ground and kicking up small bits of dust whenever he went too far ahead of Caramel and Big Macintosh’s walking speed. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Big Macintosh roll his eyes. The tour of Appleloosa had seemed to take both longer than Caramel expected, as well as go back so fast it was hard to remember. He had thought a tour of a one street town wouldn’t be that in depth, but it certainly was when Braeburn was intent on introducing everypony they passed to Caramel.
Braeburn spoke fast, moved fast, and by now Caramel’s head was spinning wondering just how much detail could be thrown into a fast-talking sentence about a town.
Caramel felt nervous still, and it continued to grow as the night went on. Everypony’s voice was sweet and buttery with southern warmth that was warm baked pies and the roughness of a farmhoof. His own voice was raspy and quiet, and it made him feel as though he stuck out like a sore thumb. Back in Ponyville, ponies with an accent or freckles or big muscled limbs fit for the hard labor of farming were rare. Here, he was the one who was rare, and everypony wanted a piece of him. The thing he learned fastest about Appleloosa was that the residents loved tourists. He had been given a dozen samples from the bakery, a fitting for a vest, and somehow he had ended up with a cowpony hat much like Braeburn’s on top of his head. He thought it looked gimmicky and dorky, and only served to draw more attention that he was a rarity trying to fit into the lifestyle of ponies around here.
“You look cute,” Big Macintosh had said when he saw him. “Like a real Apple.”
Caramel kept it on.
“Phew,” Braeburn said. Caramel didn’t know Braeburn could sound tired, winded, or be anything but a fast talking speed demon. He watched the stallion wipe at his brow and turn a wicked grin towards the two.
“Now, time for the grand finale!” Braeburn said. He was giggling like a school filly now as if he couldn’t contain himself. He jumped in the air and landed facing the two, the evening sun shining behind him and seeming to light his mane. “Let me introduce you to the one and only, and might I say BEST watering hole in town, The Salt Lick!”
Braeburn swept his hoof through the air and stepped aside to reveal the bar. He had done this grand, sweeping introduction to every establishment.
“I’m sorry,” Big Macintosh whispered into Caramel’s ear, and then gave a playful chuckle.
“Huh?” Caramel asked, but before he could even register Big Macintosh’s words suddenly Braeburn grabbed him by the leg and drug him with an amazing bit of strength Caramel thought couldn’t come out of such a regular sized pony.
“C’mon, c’mon!” Braeburn shouted through his laughter.
The Salt Lick was unlike any bar in Ponyville. The doors were the sort that swung open and left room on the top and bottom to peer into the place. It was full of light and laughter and shouting and drunken singing. Caramel was pushed in, Braeburn somehow switching in a little dance to get behind him and shove him instead of push, and suddenly a dozen eyes all turned to him at once. Some were familiar, some weren’t.
“This here is Starlight, Horseshoe, Bristle, Rose Thorn, Sweets, Buck, Whistle…”
Braeburn was shoving Caramel so fast through the near sea of ponies, all trying to grab his hoof and hug him and talk to him all at once that the introductions passed in a blur. He barely had time to register the mass of tables or the mare up on stage playing a violin in a country-like fiddle style that made the whole place more jaunty and lively. Caramel was by the end of it once he was finally thrown, not seated, into a seat at an empty table near the corner.
“So now you know everypony!” Braeburn said excitedly as he slapped himself down on the chair beside Caramel and slugged his shoulder with his hoof.
Big Macintosh walked up slowly, Caramel struggling to keep his head from spinning. He didn’t realize it until he finally sat down but his legs were burning with how much Braeburn had made him run around for the past few hours. He was exhausted in every sense of the word.
“How you feeling, Sugarcube?” Big Macintosh asked, his tone low and quiet and hard to hear under the livelihood of the bar.
“Like I just got molested,” Caramel replied. “How come you didn’t get thrown in the tornado?”
Braeburn laughed as if Caramel was joking, but Big Macintosh just smiled and patted his boyfriend on top the head, running his hoof to fix Caramel’s frizzled mane and adjust his new hat.
“I got that first time I came to town,” Big Macintosh said.
Caramel slumped onto the table, burying his nose into his folded hooves and letting his eyes wander the area. It really was packed. Some ponies were awkwardly dancing in the corner to the fiddle, dancing around tables while others clapped along. It was the kind of environment that felt like a big family of ponies who knew each other and did this sort of thing frequently. The whole place smelled of beer and whisky, the sort that burned Caramel’s throat to even think about.
“I’ll go get us something to drink,” Braeburn giggled. “Don’t think we’re leavin’ till we can’t walk straight.”
Before either pony could protest, Braeburn was off, his chair rocking slightly from being nearly toppled over before settling back on the ground. Caramel sighed and Big Macintosh kissed his temple.
“I think my hoof is numb,” Caramel mumbled, gesturing with the one Braeburn had made him shake a hundred ponies hooves with. Big Macintosh chuckled and took it, pressing it to his cheek. Caramel and him met eyes and then giggled together. As tired and spent as Caramel felt, he had to admit he was happy. Braeburn had a way with that, that you either were lost in his frenzy of excitement or caught up in it.
“Hoooooowdy!” Braeburn returned, slapping into his seat with an actual tray of drinks.
“That’s a lot,” Big Macintosh commented.
It was. Three mugs all filled to the brim with what Caramel recognized instantly as hard cider, a martini glass, three shot glasses all full, and a few drinks of varying color. Braeburn grabbed at the shots, placing one in front of each of them. Caramel lifted his and smelled it. It was strong enough to make his eyes water.
“Whisky,” Braeburn chuckled. “Let’s start off this night with a kick, shall we?”
“Is this the kind that burns?” Caramel mumbled.
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh responded.
“Don’t be babbbbbies!” Braeburn replied in an ironically whiny voice he lifted his glass, clearly wanting them to clink them together in the center. Caramel and Big Macintosh exchanged a glance, and then Big Mac shrugged.
“To the best outing and tour in the bestest town ever!” Braeburn shouted, his voice loud enough to pierce the noise levels from the rest of the bar. He landed back in his seat hard enough for it to tip back slightly before the front legs slapped down on the hardwood floor again. All three ponies drunk at once.
Instantly, burning slightly medicine tasking liquid burned Caramel’s mouth and throat. It felt like liquid fire, and instantly his eyes began to sting as he coughed. Two shot glasses went down next to him, slapping really. Big Macintosh looked unphased in all except a small smile, and Braeburn was wiping his mouth and giggling while looking at Caramel.
“Too strong for you?” Braeburn giggled.
“He don’t even like black coffee,” Big Macintosh chuckled.
“H-Hey!” Caramel replied, his face feeling warm under the brim of his hat.
“Okay okay okay that was just the warm up!” Braeburn said as he collected everypony’s shot glasses. He had a spark in his eyes that was excited. Like Caramel thought before, you either got lost in Braeburn’s frenzy or caught up in it yourself. Right now, Caramel was feeling a bit excited. “This night’s all on me. Now if we’re gonna get wasted we’re gonna get to know each other little more.”
Instantly, Big Macintosh face hoofed.
“Please tell me we’re not…”
“Never have I ever!” Braeburn shouted, slapping down the mugs of hard cider before them. “Perfect bonding and humiliating experience, if I say so myself!”
“Um,” Caramel started, looking between the two ponies, one very excited and one very annoyed looking. “What’s that?”
“Brae, last time you tried that at the family reunion Cousin Fritter ended up making out with Cousin Cinnamon,” Big Macintosh said. Caramel felt his face warm at this comment.
“Shush!” Braeburn commanded. “We will not have any incidents! Only good old fashioned bonding and embarrassment in this bar tonight! I promise you your lips will meet nopony’s tonight but your boyfriend over there.”
“What’s… Never have I ever?” Caramel asked again.
Both ponies looked to him.
“It’s a drinking game!” Braeburn exclaimed.
“A stupid one,” Big Macintosh interjected.
“Okay, so,” Braeburn went on. “We each get a mug full of cider. This stuff’s hard, alright? And then, we go ‘round asking a question with ‘Never have I ever’. If you have done what the pony says, you gotta take a drink. So if I said ‘never have I ever kissed a stallion’ we’d all drink cause we have. Course, the pony sayin’ it has to have not done it, so that wouldn’t count.”
“I mean… it sounds kinda fun,” Caramel said, avoiding Big Macintosh’s eye because he knew he would probably have been glared at. Eventually Big Macintosh sighed and put his hoof on the mug. Caramel had to admit, he was probably enjoying himself more than he might say out loud.
“Fine. Just till we go overboard,” Big Macintosh said.
“Yay!” Braeburn cheered like an over excited filly. He clapped his hooves and everything. “Okay I’ll start!”
Braeburn did the most shocking thing and shut his mouth to think before he spoke. This was rare, and both Caramel and Big Macintosh stared at him as he glanced down into his cup of cider and tapped his hoof to his chin in thought.
“Never have I evvveeeeeerrr…” Braeburn mumbled, glancing around the bar. “Done drag.”
There was a pause. Suddenly out of the corner of his eye Big Macintosh took a sip of his cider. Braeburn burst out laughing when Caramel stared wide-eyed at his boyfriend.
“Just once,” Big Macintosh muttered. “For Apple Bloom.”
“What’d you do puttin’ on a dress for Apple Bloom?” Braeburn laughed and wiped a forming tear in his eye. “See, this game is great!”
Though his face was stiff, Caramel saw Big Macintosh’s freckles slowly blend into his cheeks. He couldn’t help but chuckle himself, though it was far more dramatic than Braeburn.
“Okay, okay, your turn!” Braeburn said, reaching out his hoof and pointing to Mac.
“Can’t ya’ll just skip me?” Big Mac asked.
“Nope!” Braeburn replied. “And make it embarrassing!”
Big Macintosh sighed, taking a pause to think as well as his face returned to a normal color and his freckles reappeared. He looked around the bar.
“Never have I ever,” Big Macintosh began, closing his eyes and sighing. “Kissed a pony on the first date.”
“Prude,” Braeburn teased while taking a sip of his own drink. Once more Caramel didn’t move. He thought to himself how he had only kissed Big Macintosh and felt his cheeks grow warm. Suddenly Big Macintosh and Braeburn were looking to him and he realized it was his turn.
“Oh, um…” Caramel said, gripping his mug in both hooves.
“Make it dirty!” Braeburn insisted.
“Make it clean.” Big Macintosh replied.
“Never have I ever,” Caramel started, and then paused for a long time as he looked around the room in thought. He looked at Braeburn, and then at Big Macintosh. Big Mac looked reassuring, and Braeburn expectant. “Um… Jerked off outside?”
Braeburn burst out laughing and Big Macintosh face-hoofed once more. Caramel sunk in his seat a little and blushed.
“Now we’re talking!” Braeburn giggled.
However, both ponies froze when Big Macintosh took a sip. Caramel had never seen Braeburn actually freeze before from his excited attitude, and he might have taken a moment to admire it if he wasn’t frozen as well. Big Macintosh’s eyes flicked back and forth between them.
“Sometimes I get bored after workin’ on the farm,” Big Macintosh said, running his hoof up and down his mug handle.
“Wow,” Braeburn said.
“Ain’t like nopony’s seen it!” Big Macintosh snapped.
“Wow,” Caramel echoed Braeburn.
“Alright alright move on!” Big Macintosh said with a wave of his hoof. Caramel and Braeburn both glanced to each other with a grin.
“Never have I ever worn a collar!” Braeburn said.
Caramel felt his chest tighten. Him and Big Macintosh exchanged one glance, and then both took a sip of their drinks. Big Macintosh did it quick, but Caramel was slow and shaky. Braeburn burst out laughing and nearly fell over from his chair when he did so. This cider was strong and burned his throat. It wouldn’t take half the mug before he felt tipsy.
“I ain’t going into detail on that one,” Big Macintosh said.
“Me neither,” Caramel mumbled. His voice was small and flustered.
“Believe me, I got ALL the detail I want on that!” Braeburn laughed. “You two are kinky!”
Big Macintosh huffed and then recomposed himself the best he could. He locked eyes with Braeburn, and then without stuttering flatly said. “Never have I ever hidden a dozen dirty magazines under my mattress.”
“H-Hey!” Braeburn said, slapping his hoof on the table. “C’mon, I told you I was sorry you found them.”
“Oh my Celestia,” Caramel mumbled, trying to keep himself from laughing.
Braeburn groaned and sat back in his seat before taking a drink.
“It was only half a dozen,” Braeburn mumbled.
“Okay,” Caramel giggled, sitting up. He was starting to get more into it, and by now the strength of the shot was starting to make his mind a little fuzzy. “Never have I ever been with two ponies at once in bed.”
Both Braeburn and Big Macintosh drunk.
Caramel stared.
“She had a friend,” Big Macintosh mumbled.
“I had a friend!” Braeburn replied, as if he were proud of this. He sat up suddenly. “Okay my turn! I got a good one! Never have I ever thought somepony in this bar, not at this table, was hot enough to sleep with!”
Caramel drunk. Then he blushed.
Big Macintosh looked at him. All he did was say one thing.
“Who?”
“Um…” Caramel paused, looking around once more. He caught the stallion once again. A big stallion, twice as big as Big Macintosh, maybe. He was brown, but his face had a splotch of white on it.
“Oh, you mean Troubleshoes Clyde?” Braeburn asked. “He’s a sweetheart! Hang on I’ll go get him!”
“WHAT?” Caramel shouted. It was too late, Braeburn was already out of his seat. Caramel did the only thing he could short of bolting, and that was to bury his face in his hooves and begin repeating again and again “Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh.”
“Um,” The deep voice of the stallion sent a shiver down Caramel’s spine. Braeburn’s face reappeared in a toothy grin as the massive pony was now standing beside the table, his faze confused as Braeburn let go of his hoof. “What’s this about, again?”
“My friend thinks you’re cute!” Braeburn said.
“Braeburn!” Caramel snapped.
“What? You do!” Braeburn replied.
Caramel gazed to Big Macintosh, begging to be saved, but unfortunately his boyfriend was trying his hardest not to burst out laughing at the situation to be any sort of help whatsoever. Caramel was forced to look up at the pony who was staring down at him. He really was massive. Caramel couldn’t help but think of how massive.
“Hi,” Caramel said, his voice small.
“Howdy,” Troubleshoes Clyde replied. He blinked twice, looked to Braeburn, and then back to Caramel. “You look cute yourself.”
That’s when Braeburn burst out laughing. Big Macintosh did as well, though his was more of a steady, deep chuckle instead of a frantic hysterical laugh. Caramel buried his face in his hooves and forced his muzzle onto the table to hide his blush.
“Is that all?” Clyde asked.
Once he was gone, the game was postponed for three whole minutes as Caramel struggled to recompose himself. Once he finally looked up, he realized Braeburn’s cheeks were slightly red. He was a lightweight, and clearly already drunk. It didn’t hurt that he seemed to be sipping at a martini glass between questions.
“You like them big?” Braeburn asked.
“Shut up,” Caramel whined.
“Well,” Big Macintosh said, coughing to stifle his laugh. “I think it’s my turn?”
“Go ahead,” Caramel said.
“Never have I ever asked my boyfriend to blindfold me,” Big Macintosh said.
“Oh come on!” Caramel shouted and slapped his hooves on the table.
Braeburn went right back to laughing as Caramel took a reluctant drink from his mug. Once everypony had settled down he glared at Big Macintosh with vengeful eyes.
“Never have I ever asked to bottom every night for three weeks in a row,” Caramel said.
Big Macintosh froze, eyes widening. Braeburn was covering his mouth now.
The game went on like this for a while. Embarrassing, private, and all around sexual questions flooded the evening. It was revealed that Braeburn once wore stockings for a boyfriend, Big Macintosh once asked a mare out by singing to her, and Caramel had once drunkenly asked Big Macintosh to teach him to square dance. All of which turned out to end poorly. It was when their mugs were empty and their minds too fuzzy to think of more questions did Braeburn finally call an end to the game. Caramel struggled to walk straight, and had to lean on Big Macintosh who was the most sober of all of them.
“Woo!” Braeburn called out, half skipping half tripping as he walked in front of them. “Good night! Great… great night!”
“He’s such a lightweight,” Big Macintosh mumbled, his own voice slurring slightly. Braeburn had fulfilled his promise.
The walk back to Braeburn’s house was ten minutes at most. It took them twenty with occasionally stopping and Braeburn more than once tumbling to the ground laughing for no apparent reason. They made it as far as the porch where both Caramel and Big Macintosh collapsed on the swingset and Braeburn on the last step of the porch. Caramel put his head to Big Macintosh’s chest and took in a deep breath.
“You smell nice,” Caramel mumbled.
“You’re both drunk,” Big Macintosh muttered in reply.
“I’m ALIVE!” Braeburn shouted.
Caramel closed his eyes. Eventually they would go inside, but right now the evening air was warm but not painfully so. He was happy right now, just feeling Big Macintosh warm against him. Against his usual reasoning, he had managed to have fun. He opened his eyes, staring up at the stars. He thought of Sage, and then his mom, and then only of Big Macintosh. He touched Big Macintosh’s hoof. This felt right, a bit silly but right. Getting drunk with friends, cuddling his boyfriend, being in such a warm and loving place. He actually had fun.
“I love you,” Caramel mumbled.
“What’s that for?” Big Macintosh chuckled.
“Dunno,” Caramel mumbled, his eyes heavy. “Just wanted to say it, y’know?”
Caramel closed his eyes, the breeze on his mane. Big Macintosh removed his hat and stroked at his bangs, kissing his ear and nibbling on it playfully. He thought to himself how it really was a great night.
Then Braeburn threw up on the porch steps, and the moment passed.
Caramel stared out the window into the night. It was hard to see much of anything barring his own reflection, all except for the stars which even from indoors shined much brighter than they had back in Ponyville. His eyes were sore, and dry feeling, yet he knew if he tried to close them and rest sleep wouldn’t overtake him. He had woken up sometime an hour ago, and he knew his body well enough to know when the insomnia was going to hit. He was just glad he had managed to sneak away without waking Big Macintosh.
It was strange being in the house so late at night. It was quiet and dead from all except the insistent ticking of a grandfather clock no less than three feet from Caramel. Both Cam and Braeburn liked to snore late at night, their sounds not distracting but heard from upstairs. Down here, though, it was silent. He heard a creaking of the wind from outside blowing against the house and it nearly startled him.
Caramel pulled on the blanket he stole from the back of the couch and tightened it around his shoulders. The blank sheet of paper sat before him, it’s lack of words a mirror to his own thoughts. He had laid the pencil between his teeth down at the top corner three times trying to begin, but had stopped before so much as signing his name. He didn’t know what he was supposed to write. He had never written Sage a letter.
Hey, I’m in Appleloosa. Mom there? She making you feel awful. That’s cool.
Caramel whinnied through his lips and rubbed at his eye with his hoof. He knew that if Big Macintosh knew he was thinking along that train of thought he would be scolded, or worse, comforted. He didn’t want to be comforted right now while he thought of home, because it wasn’t the kind of thoughts that needed comforting. It was the kind that craved reassurance, the sort that told him it was okay to be here without Sage and with a family who he could not claim ownership to. He tried not to let himself think of Sage until tonight, but the guilt he had been pushing off for the past week here was finally starting to well up inside of him.
“Ugh,” Caramel whined, leaning forward and running hooves through his mane. He sat like that for an hour, and then the clock chimed off sudden enough to make him jump. It was three in the morning.
He left the paper alone like that on the coffee table and got up, stretching his limbs and making his way to the kitchen. The Apple Family was early to rise early to bed, which meant they liked to eat dinner absurdly early. Right now, Caramel felt starving. He was halfway between taking a bite out of a fresh apple when he grabbed at the tea kettle, filling it up with water from the sink and flicking on the stove. He stared as the flames made the metal red, and steam began to force the pot to tremble.
Normally because the Apple house was so loud, something like a kettle would have been barely noticeable. Now, however, it was just so quiet that the screaming from the steam made Caramel’s ears almost hurt. He pulled it off, pouring himself a mug and staring once more out the window. He wondered if Sage was staring at the sky, too, and if he was still working or picking up an earlier shift.
Those thoughts passed, or actually were forced out when he heard the sound of a creak. His ear flicked and he turned to the stairway, spotting the figure of a pony step out from the darkness and into the two or three lights Caramel had carelessly left on in his insomniac pacing throughout the downstairs of the home.
It was Braeburn.
“Caramel?” Braeburn asked, rubbing his eye out of exhaustion. “What are you doin’ up so late?”
His accent was thickest when he was tired, and he dropped the ‘g’ off the end of one of his words.
“Oh, shoot,” Caramel hissed under his breath and opened the tea kettle so the last remains of the high pitched scream would die off. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”
“No, no,” Braeburn said, jumping past the last step and hitting the floor with a thud before walking up to the countertop. “Somethin’ wrong with you? Ain’t sick again, are you?”
Something about the Apples was that they liked to be a little nosy, especially when somepony was acting strange. It was out of kindness, really, but in Caramel’s opinion they also had a hard time knowing when it was best top stop worrying. At least it was a sweet annoying quality.
“No, just couldn’t sleep,” Caramel said, stirring mindlessly in his mug of tea with a spoon. He was looking down for a while, but when he finally looked up Braeburn had approached and was standing the opposite side of the breakfast counter. He looked a bit exposed without his hat or vest. It betrayed what Caramel already guessed about him, that he really was built for farming. He had obvious muscles much like Big Macintosh’s, but because he wasn’t freakishly big like his own boyfriend they were subtler but just as firm. He had a bit of a gut, too, Caramel suspecting it was probably from the scent of cinnamon and pie crust still lingering in the air as it had for the majority of his visit. He couldn’t remember a time in his week where when there hadn’t been a slice of pie sitting out ready to eat. Right now, however, he was staring at Braeburn’s eyes.
Braeburn rubbed at his eyes still. Caramel blinked, staring longer than intended. He had thought at first glance that Braeburn was rubbing them because he was tired, but right now in the dim light it looked like his eyes were read. Caramel recognized them a bit too well, and realized Braeburn had been crying. Funny, because he hadn’t heard a peep from Braeburn’s room the whole night. Somehow he expected Braeburn to cry just as loud as he did when he spoke, but then he thought about how that might be embarrassing.
“Yeah, sure,” Caramel mumbled, half distracted as he fetched another mug and filled it with hot water. Braeburn went to the fridge, pouring in a bit of honey and cinnamon into his own mug. He seemed to have an untreatable sweet tooth.
“Sorry,” Braeburn said suddenly, though Caramel didn’t know why. “I was just gonna go for a little walk. I do that sometimes, to clear my head.”
Braeburn paused slightly to take a sip of his tea.
“Wanna come with?” He asked.
Caramel blinked. Braeburn was trying to smile, a fake sort of smile. He could tell because he himself had done that smile before.
“Okay,” Caramel said.
Appleloosa night was warm. That was something Caramel had yet to grow used too. He was so used for even in the Summer, that Ponyville grew chilled at night. Right now it was about the temperature of a spring day, and Caramel was beginning to feel a little bit silly for asking for a scarf from Braeburn’s closet. It was green and while, while Braeburn bore one of his own that matched. He seemed to need it, shivering slightly and commenting on the cold once they were outside. He was probably used to the wicked heat.
“That a problem for you?” Braeburn asked when the two had just barely left the porch. “Not sleeping, I mean.”
Caramel shrugged.
“Sometimes,” Caramel replied. “It used to be worse. Sometimes I just can’t really find sleep and toss and turn a lot. But if I’m with Mac I usually just try to slip out and not bother him and mess around in the living room.”
“I get real restless sometimes,” Braeburn said with a chuckle. “Round this time of year, the reunion and all, I get all jittery when I sleep and end up staying up real late.”
Braeburn had a genuine smile on his face. He didn’t look anything like the pony who had obviously just been crying alone in his room. He didn’t look to be faking his cheer, and if he was he was pretty good at it. Ponies always seemed to know when Caramel was faking being happy, especially Big Macintosh. Then came the hounding about how he felt, which depending on his mood was either reassuring or bothersome. He wasn’t sure which category Braeburn would fall under if he pressed him now, so he kept silent and let the question be sealed behind his lips.
“I was… trying to write somepony back home,” Caramel said, trying to move conversation away from the fact that the two’s struggle to find peace in their sleep. “My brother, actually.”
“Aw, that’s sweet,” Braeburn said. He sounded like he meant it, too. That was something Caramel liked about Braeburn.
“I guess,” Caramel shrugged, staring down at the dusty road he and Braeburn were walking on. “I couldn’t really think of what to tell him, though. I wanted to send a letter sooner but I…”
Caramel trailed off. He didn’t want to say the truth. He had been avoiding writing it. Avoided thinking about his brother and the possibility of his mother lurking around his home infecting everything with the scent of her perfume that didn’t seem to come out no matter how many times washed. Maybe she had guilted Sage into spending the night. Maybe she had used Caramel’s bed. Caramel felt his belly twist tight. He didn’t want to think about that.
“Cara?” Braeburn asked, bumping into him and startling him from his thoughts.
“S-Sorry,” Caramel said fast, a stutter, really. “I just mean I’ve been busy.”
“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that,” Braeburn chuckled. “I really gang up on family when they’re in town. Even they call me a little nosy, sometimes. But heck, it ain’t like I see them every day. Gotta get my fill of them when they’re around. You know what I mean?”
Caramel didn’t know what Braeburn meant. He couldn’t think of family outside of Sage he had ever wanted to see, or worse just didn’t know at all. He often wondered if he had any other family, because he knew of no aunts or uncles. He supposed he had to have at least grandparents, but it was almost like him and Sage and his mother had simply been isolated from their family tree.
“No, not really,” Caramel said.
He didn’t know why he told the truth.
Braeburn frowned, but then smiled. It was the sort of smile Big Mac gave when he was trying to make Caramel happy when he thought he was sad.
“I just don’t have much family,” Caramel said, knowing that it was going to be the next question out of Braeburn’s mouth. “Not big enough for a reunion or anything, at least.”
“That stinks,” Braeburn said.
Caramel chuckled. Braeburn had said it bluntly, and fast as though he hadn’t even let himself think about it. He liked that about Braeburn. The opposite of Mac, really, loud and quick to talk without thinking.
Up until this point the two had been on a path straight towards town, but Braeburn sometime near the end took a different way that led them in the direction of the apple forest. The leaves were beginning to bud, and the grass for once was lush and flourishing under Caramel’s hooves. He didn’t know such a common sensation would feel almost alien to him after just one week away from home.
“Ahhh,” Braeburn said. He had his eyes closed, and he was letting out a sigh after breathing in the air. Caramel did the same, but didn’t smell anything. Braeburn however seemed to take it all in as he stopped, settling his hoof on a tree trunk and running it down to feel the bark.
“I think it’ll be a great harvest this year,” Braeburn said. “These here trees ain’t ever let us down. I can’t wait to show em off at the reunion… Guess I’ll have the free time to do that, now.”
Braeburn paused, his smile faltering for a moment. He looked down.
“Hey?” Caramel asked, reaching out his hoof and touching Braeburn’s shoulder. “You okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, just being dumb,” Braeburn tried to force a chuckle.
Caramel wanted to say he didn’t think Braeburn was dumb, like Big Macintosh did when he himself said the same sort of thing, but he kept his mouth shut.
“I just… I was hoping somepony might be dropping by the reunion for a bit,” Braeburn said.
“Like a friend?” Caramel questioned, and then felt a little silly because then he understood.
“Sort of,” Braeburn chuckled. “This Pegasus… guy… he’s a real cutie, a-and we talked about him coming up for this for a bit. Turns out there’s this thing on the other side of Equestria he can’t get out of. I was… just up reading a letter he sent ‘bout it.”
Caramel thought about Braeburn’s eyes back at the house. He wondered just how long he had been up crying.
“Kinda like a date?” Caramel asked.
“I’d sure hope so,” Braeburn chuckled, gaining back a little bit of his usual blind glee. “Else I’d be awfully sore ‘bout us kissin’ in my bed after.”
It was a bit hard to tell in the moonlight, but Caramel thought Braeburn was blushing a tiny bit at that comment. He took his hoof from the tree and set it back down before shaking his head.
“I think I got all excited cause of you an’ Mac,” Braeburn admitted, rubbing the back of his neck and not looking Caramel in the eye. “You two are really cute, you know. Like glued together, sometimes. Made me really miss this guy and… I didn’t realize how much I wanted him to come up till I found out he wasn’t.”
“I’m… I’m sorry,” Caramel said, feeling dumb again. He thought there was something else he could say that would sound better and less vague, but the words wouldn’t come to mind. It was trying to write a letter all over again.
“Ain’t nopony’s fault,” Braeburn waved his hoof dismissively. “Ain’t his or mine or nopony’s. Well, maybe his work, but I know he loves workin’ there so I won’t talk bad.”
Caramel swayed back and forth in that spot for a few moments in the silence that followed. A gust of wind came and blew at his scarf. Braeburn finally sighed and began to walk again, and Caramel trotted to keep up.
“Are you okay?” Caramel asked.
“Shoot,” Braeburn tried to smile. “Don’t worry about me, Cara, I’m fine. Heck, how’d I let my guest listen to me babble like an idiot.”
“I don’t think you’re an idiot,” Caramel said. He meant it.
Braeburn smiled again.
They walked for a little while longer in silence, Caramel rolling thoughts around in his head. He was never very good at finding the right thing to say during times like this. He didn’t know Braeburn too long, but he knew him well enough that being quiet this long meant something was wrong.
“Y’know,” Caramel said. “I got a letter recently that made me feel bad, too.”
His belly tightened. Caramel couldn’t believe he was talking about this, but it was the only thing that popped into his head.
“Yeah?” Braeburn asked.
“Mhm,” Caramel nodded. He paused for longer than intended. Long enough for Braeburn to begin staring at him. “Just a little while ago… It was from somepony… Somepony I don’t think I should be around anymore.”
Caramel chewed at the inside of his cheek.
Braeburn found a hill where there were no trees and settled himself down. Caramel followed. The grass was wet with dew, but not to the point where it was uncomfortable or made him shiver. He laid on his back, staring up at the stars. He thought of when he had done this with Big Macintosh. His belly had felt less twisted and nerve wracked then.
“Who was it?” Braeburn asked.
Caramel didn’t answer, just made a noise similar to a grunt.
“Just… Not Somepony I like to think about,” Caramel answered.
That seemed to satisfy Braeburn, and if it didn’t he stopped pressing.
“My… Mom…”
Caramel felt weird letting those words slip out. He hadn’t talked about her to anypony but Sage and Big Macintosh for so long. He couldn’t bring himself to look over at Braeburn, but he suspected his big eyes were boring into him right now. He squirmed a little on the grass.
“She used to go out for hours,” Caramel said. “Sometimes days, actually. At first I was glad, but sometimes we didn’t have that much food and no money to get anymore till she came back. I-I don’t know where she went, really, I never asked. But I used to just wake up in the middle of the night, but I was too scared to leave my room. She made us go in early and yelled if we came out… She brought home stallions a lot who smelled like beer and cigars.”
“That’s… awful,” Braeburn said. His face scrunched, and Caramel wondered if he too was struggling to think of something better to say. He sat up, looking down at Caramel who now looked away. “Sorry, that sounded like pity didn’t it?”
“Not really,” Caramel said before shrugging. “I just… Remember I used to have a hard time sleeping. It used to be way worse, though. Getting away from her made it a little easier.”
“Is that why you’re here?” Braeburn asked.
Caramel didn’t answer for a long time. He just stared up at the stars, and eventually closed his eyes so the world would turn to black. His belly unknotted ever so tightly as he slowly nodded.
“Y’know… My Mama left when I was a baby,” Braeburn said. “It… it probably don’t help too much to say, but the family always gets real weird whenever I bring her up.”
Caramel felt his chest loosen. He was glad the moment had passed where the family drama was centered around him. He opened his eyes, sitting up as well.
“Papa said she was from a big city, and just passed through. She was givin’ country life a try. She and him met, went on a few dates, then right when I popped out she up an’ left.”
“Do you miss her?” Caramel asked.
“How could I miss somepony I don’t even know?” Braeburn chuckled.
Caramel felt a bit sheepish, and thought his question silly in hindsight.
“I don’t even got a picture of her,” Braeburn said, seeming less amused now. “Papa says I look a lot like her. I got his coat, but everything else was hers. He said that I was a real shock… He thought he wasn’t anywhere ready to be a parent.”
Braeburn was rubbing his hooves now and smiling, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He was staring out at the top of the apple trees and to the horizon of stars.
“Your brother older?” Braeburn asked suddenly.
“We’re twins,” Caramel replied. “But he acts older.”
“Well, in my family there was Big Mac, then AJ, then Me,” Braeburn said, reaching out his hoof and tapping three times on the grass for every name. “Apple Bloom and Babs came by later. A lot later, actually. For a long time I was just… the last foal born. I ain’t ever really shook that, y’know? They still tease me an’ call me the baby of the family when they see me. I kinda worry nopony takes me seriously sometimes. Like even when I came out, I worried they saw it as… I dunno, some phase.”
Braeburn shrugged his shoulders.
“I just thought maybe if Soarin came again it’d feel like they took me more seriously. Not casually dating, but somepony long term… Arugh, he ain’t even my boyfriend!”
Braeburn ruffled his mane aggressively and shook his head.
“Did ponies take it well?” Caramel asked. “You coming out, I mean.”
“Most part,” Braeburn answered with a shrug. “I got a few cousins who look at me differently. Few older nana’s who keep wanting me to marry a mare. I think one cousin doesn’t want me talking to her kid alone or nothing.”
Caramel felt his chest tighten. He settled his wet hoof over his heart and felt it beat.
“I’m scared,” Caramel said. “About going to the reunion.”
“What?” Braeburn chuckled. “That’s silly. They ain’t gonna do anything like roughhouse you. Most of them are sweet, Cara.”
“I know,” Caramel said, though he didn’t mean it. “Just… I don’t want Big Mac to… to lose family.”
Caramel wanted to say more. He wanted to say how he saw what Big Macintosh had with his family in small bites, first with his immediate family and then the closeness and love that came from Braeburn and Cam. He saw it there, a connection that Caramel would never fully understand just rooted into him. The thought of losing that all for him, even by a pony or two, hurt him. It scared him.
To his surprise, Braeburn laughed.
“What’s so funny?” Caramel asked, trying not to feel embarrassed.
“You!” Braeburn chuckled. “Have you seen how Big Mac looks at you?”
Caramel didn’t answer, just stared at Braeburn for the next few seconds. Braeburn shook his head and groaned.
“You’re just as important to him as family. Maybe a bit more.”
Caramel blinked, looking down at his hooves. It was hard to view himself like that. To Big Macintosh, and all the Apples, family was the most important thing. To even come close to that level would be unthinkable, much less be above it. Braeburn was the one who was saying funny things, but Caramel didn’t feel like laughing.
“Shoot,” Braeburn said. “You know how Big Mac was like when he was little? He was so shy he didn’t talk to anypony, not even family. I never though I’d seem him cuddlin’ and kissing anypony like he does you. He talks to you, too. I mean really talks.”
“I still don’t want him to give up family for me,” Caramel said, rubbing his arm.
“Don’t you get that some family ain’t worth it?” Braeburn asked. “With your mom, I mean?”
That’s what Caramel had been telling himself. That’s what Caramel wanted to believe. He thought about it again, but just couldn’t hold up his mother to the same level as family that without him there, dating Big Macintosh, he would otherwise enjoy. He didn’t answer Braeburn.
“Y’know, my Pegasus, Soarin,” Braeburn said, glancing away and up to the sky. “Sometimes when we’re alone, just in bed cuddling or something, I feel… just… it, Y’know? Just ‘this is where I wanna be’ or something. When it’s like that, I feel like I can take on anypony. I only came out at the reunion because he was with me. I wouldn’t have felt… strong enough on my own.”
“I don’t think I’m exactly anypony’s strength,” Caramel chuckled, though Braeburn didn’t look like it was something to laugh about.
“I think you undersell yourself, Cara,” Braeburn said, looking to him dead in the eye. “If Mac loves you enough to bring you here, he loves you enough to risk it. Don’t take that for granted, alright?”
His eyes seemed forceful, as if they were trying to pound the message in.
It grew quiet. The two settled down, staring up at the sky. Caramel was thinking. He thought about Sage, his mom, about Mac’s family. He thought about Big Macintosh mostly, though. He knew deep down that it wasn’t a secret meant to be hidden forever. It wasn’t something Big Macintosh was ashamed of, and Caramel had known that since their first kiss when Big Macintosh prolonged it without hesitation. He thought of all their time together from the first time he had told Big Macintosh he loved him right until now when the words were common enough to be a goodbye between them. He thought of Big Macintosh and him under the stars talking about family, and on the train ride talking about their future.
If they were going to have a future, they could never be hidden. It just wasn’t possible. Caramel didn’t even realize they were hiding until it came up.
“Y’know,” Braeburn said. “You can come stay with me and Papa anytime you want. Even without Mac, okay?”
“Really?” Caramel asked, smirking.
“Course,” Braeburn said with a chuckle. “If you’re like family to Mac you’re like family to me. Got it? Besides, gotta have some way to hear all of Mac’s juicy secrets without him eavesdropping.”
The two of them giggled at that. Caramel settled in the grass, his eyes feeling heavy.
“Is your stallion important to you like you think I am to Mac?” Caramel asked.
“Yeah, he is,” Braeburn said without hesitation. “Wouldn’t have done it, otherwise.”
Caramel thought about that. The determination and truth in Braeburn’s voice. He really meant it.
“I think he’d like to have come,” Caramel said. “Just couldn’t.”
Big Macintosh didn’t dream very often. Well, according to something he heard a long time ago everypony dreamed, so he supposed he just didn’t remember his own. He remembered parts. A color or how it made him feel or something along those lines, but it was never solid. It never felt real. He was a sound sleeper, and often when his head hit the pillow he felt as though he opened them a second later and morning would have already arrived, and his body moved with newfound energy that came from rest.
But tonight, Mac dreamed. He dreamed he was young again in the middle of a lake so vast that he couldn’t see the edges. It was vivid. He could see the muddy water and taste it as it slipped past his lips and droplets coated his tongue. He kept trying to swim, not forward or back to shore but straight down. He had lost something, and he was convinced it was down there. He kicked his hooves helplessly until his lungs burned and ached trying to touch the bottom. Every time he got a little further, and swore he was just a hoof’s reach away. He always had to resurface and gasp for air, coughing and sputtering. He remembered nothing but a feeling of agony and loss. A feeling like he couldn’t live without whatever he had misplaced in the bottom of the ocean.
His stomach was full of the muddy water and he upheaved it. He tried once more to touch the bottom, but it seemed further away. It wasn’t just that he was getting weaker, but the ground was actually abandoning him. He wasn’t strong enough to reach what he lost.
Then he saw it. Out of the corner of his eye a glimmer that caught his attention. He swam as fast as he could to the shore, afraid it would grow further away like the bottom of the lake. He was so exhausted he crawled when he reached the shore, his mane sopping over his eyes and blinding him. He crawled closer and closer to the glimmer that caught his attention. It was warm. Warm in a way that whatever he had lost had made him feel. He brought it to his chest and squeezed it and began to tremble, and then cried. He was terrified to lose it. Terrified the bottomless lake would rip it from him as it had his precious possessions before.
“Mac?”
Big Macintosh felt something tickle his nose, and suddenly the dream faded. It didn’t melt nor fade, but simply popped like a pinprick hitting a balloon. His eyes fluttered open, and he was laying on Caramel’s chest. Scents of cotton and sugar and cinnamon filled his nose like a drug and he buried his face deeper.
Already the dream was fading from Big Macintosh’s thoughts. It was like trying to hold sand. It wouldn’t stop slipping through his hooves no matter how much he tried to keep it. He sat up, slowly, realizing his body was so interconnected with Caramel’s that this task was nearly impossible unless he were to disturb the other as well. He groaned, laying down again with his chest buried on the inside of Caramel’s foreleg.
“Mmm,” Big Macintosh groaned. It was rare to feel like he hadn’t gotten enough sleep, and now was one of those times. He was reminded all too painfully that he wasn’t at home in a bed he knew like the back of his hoof. If anything made waking up pleasant, it was the fact that Caramel was here. He kissed his chest without thinking and repeated it until he could bury his muzzle deeper.
“Morning,” He mumbled.
“Are you okay?” Caramel asked. “Sorry I woke you.”
Big Macintosh opened his eyes and looked to the window. It was hardly even sunrise yet. He looked up again, properly this time. Caramel’s eyes were exhausted looking as if he had just been woken up as well. He was looking at Big Macintosh with a sense of… worry? It wasn’t a general worry, but definitely directed at him. He touched Big Macintosh’s cheek and rubbed. That’s when Big Macintosh felt the streaks of tears on his face.
“You were crying,” Caramel mumbled. His voice was uncertain and small as his eyes adverted Big Macintosh’s own. He seemed afraid to say it, as if Big Macintosh wouldn’t want to hear it. “You were making weird noises and… y-you scared me.”
Big Macintosh sighed as he rubbed at his face. He didn’t realize it until now, but for some reason he felt sad. He didn’t know why exactly he had been crying, but it didn’t feel wrong. At least, no more wrong than Caramel looking at him like that made him feel.
Another thing… he felt an overwhelming desire to pull Caramel to him. He did just that, lifting his hooves and wrapping them around Caramel’s body. Caramel gasped at Big Macintosh using strength without thinking. He pressed their bodies together in a way where Caramel probably thought he was actually trying to force them into one, like two smaller soap bubbles forced together, but he loosened his grip only when the tufts of fur on Caramel’s neck were deeply imbedded into his nose and he could take in his scent. He wanted to breathe in nothing but it. He wanted to hold Caramel as he was now and not let go. He didn’t know why this desire was so strong, and more desperate than it had ever been before, but he knew it was his and his alone.
“Did you have a bad dream?” Caramel asked.
Big Macintosh shrugged. He thought Caramel was probably right, but he couldn’t remember. He remembered a bad taste in his mouth like mud, but that was it. He thought he remembered Caramel, and maybe his parents too. Feelings like nostalgia and loss and desire and love and everything were lost in his head too exhausted to make sense of it all. Even now he felt sleep tugging on him again, his eyes dry and aching just from being open. He didn’t want it to take him yet, though, because that would mean leaving Caramel. That would mean loosening his iron grip for even a second and forgetting he was there.
“I don’t wanna lose you,” Big Macintosh mumbled, not sure why he felt compelled to do so.
Caramel stiffened slightly, as he normally did when Big Macintosh said something unexpectedly touching. He softened though, and slowly his arms rose around Big Macintosh and hugged him back. He felt a kiss on his forehead, something rare for Caramel to give as it was something Mac himself did to the other when trying to give comfort. He felt guilty for worrying Caramel, and guilty for squeezing him so tightly, but most of all he felt tired.
“You won’t,” Caramel said. “Let’s just lay down, okay?”
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh mumbled, his words barely a whisper.
He thought Caramel asked him something, but he was fading. He wanted to dream again. Something happy. Something less scary. Something that involved Caramel in a better light. He thought that he never wanted to wake up without Caramel by his side, so he wanted to dream of that. He wanted to dream of opening his eyes and seeing his lover with wrinkles on his face in a bed so worn by two bodies over the years, and he wanted it to be Caramel. He wanted to kiss him with just as much love as he did today.
He wanted…
He wanted…
He never wanted to wake up without Caramel again.
That’s when sleep overtook him, yet that thought continued to linger.
Big Macintosh didn't often remember his dreams, but he remembered the feelings that they provided. Right now, he was feeling something beyond loss and beyond even love. It was a feeling he couldn't describe with words or actions or anything known to ponies. It was a feeling that he had to let exist without definition for now, because it was all feelings in one. A desire for it, really, to know that feeling and experience it and breathe it and taste it and feel it on his skin and everything imaginable. Maybe it was something he couldn't feel alone, and needed the company of another to fully enjoy.
When he awoke in the morning, he wouldn't remember the dreams. But he would remember how he felt holding Caramel close to him, and never wanting to let go.
Caramel glanced up from the book that he had been staring down into only to see a pegasus stand before him. He hadn’t really been reading the book. In fact he had been sitting here for a good thirty minutes and probably in that time had only read a single chapter. But still, he was lost in thought. He supposed staring down at a book was a perfectly good excuse for ponies to realize he was busy and didn’t want to talk. The pegasus before him was either oblivious to this, or simply did not care. Caramel blinked, and realized it was a pony from his class.
“I-Isn’t Lance a weird name?” Caramel asked. He bit his lip at his stutter and cast his eyes away from the pale blue pegasus. His voice was tiny already, and around strangers it was even tinier. “What do you want?”
“Well,” The pegasus named Lance said with a shrug. “I dunno. You always just sit under this tree after school till your bro comes to pick you up.”
“Not every day,” Caramel mumbled. “Only when he has his after-school stuff.”
Caramel wasn’t sure why his face suddenly felt warm; or why he felt the need to justify himself sitting here. It wasn’t as if he were on any sort of private property. He was just sitting under a tree in eyesight of his school. Most days he either red or closed his eyes attempting to get an hour or so of sleep until Sage picked him up. He didn’t need to justify himself to anypony. Still, this pegasus who interrupted him sparked a defensiveness in his chest that he couldn’t help but bring up.
“What do you want?” Caramel asked. His eyes were still downward as he rolled a page of his book back and forth with his hoof with no intention to turn to the next page.
“Dunno,” Lance said. He sat down right next to Caramel in the shade of the tree without asking permission. This made Caramel feel only more uneasy as he tried to subtly scoot an inch or two away. “Just bored. I see you around all the time but I don’t even think we’ve talked.”
Caramel pursed his lips. He didn’t exactly talk to anypony either in school or out. Whenever he tried he usually tripped over his words or grew quiet when his voice wasn’t strong enough to pierce into a group conversation. It made him feel dizzy and warm in the face. He was starting to feel that right now.
“So?” Caramel asked. “There’s probably tons of ponies you don’t talk to.”
“Yeah… but…” Lance trailed off. Caramel allowed himself to give the pegasus a sideways glance. He looked to be thinking. “I dunno. I just wanted to talk to you.”
Lance fumbled with his hooves in his lap; rolling them on top of one another a few times until he let out a long winded sigh.
“So… Caramel, huh? I thought your talent was welding or whatever.”
“It’s crafting things,” Caramel said with a frown. “What’s that got to do with my name?”
“Nothing,” Lance said with a shrug. “Just… I dunno. Isn’t it kinda weird how our cutie marks always seem to match up to our names? I mean, most of the time. Like our parents are psychic or something. Anyway, just wondering cause I thought you’d be a candy maker or a sweet shop owner or something with a name like Caramel.”
“Well… I’m not,” Caramel said. He was frowning more now. He really was beginning to wish Lance would just go away. “I was named after my mom. Her name is Toffee. Caramel’s a sweet like toffee so it fits.”
“Isn’t that a little weird?” Lance asked. “Being named after your mom? I mean, usually it’s the dad’s who name their kid after themselves.”
Caramel’s face felt warmer.
“Our dad was named Earl Gray,” He mumbled. “So Sage was named after him.”
“H-Hey, I didn’t mean to tease you or anything. Caramel’s a cute name. C-Cool name, I mean.”
Caramel spared another glance toward Lance at the mention of the word ‘cute’. He wasn’t sure if cute was ever a word he would use to describe his name, or even his appearance. He had a feeling that Sage wouldn’t be called cute by a stallion despite the fact that they carried the same face. Sage spoke loud and always had his way while Caramel was happier alone in the corners waiting for a chance to slip out.
Lance was rubbing his hoof up and down the back of his head. A frown was crossing his lips now as he kept glancing to Caramel. Caramel blinked, and swore he saw a tint of color on the stallion’s cheeks. Lance was a pony who was popular, the sort who never spoke to Caramel. He wasn’t a bully or anything, but he was a jock. Not the sort of pony who liked Caramel’s company. A lot of ponies didn’t like Caramel’s company.
“Hey uh… You wanna like… go into town for a bit?” Lance asked. His words were slow and calculated. “I mean. You don’t seriously wanna wait here while your bro gets out of club, right? Aren’t you bored?”
“Sage’ll get… worried if I’m not here when he gets out,” Caramel said.
“C’mon, I mean, it’s not like you’ve never gone home without him, right?”
Caramel paused and stared down. His book was still open, and without him noticing it the pages had blown and he had lost his place entirely. He sighed as he closed it and hugged the leather bound novel to his chest. The thought of going home without Sage made his stomach feel funny. He was too embarrassed to say it out loud; because the only times he had ever gone home without Sage was when Sage was sick and hadn’t come to school in the first place.
“What’s that?”
“Huh?” Caramel looked up and over to Lance. Lance was staring down not into Caramel’s eyes but at his side where his foreleg had moved to hug the book to his chest. He was pointing out with his hoof, and a concerned look crossed his face. Caramel felt his stomach grow icy. On his side there was a bruise. A bad one. It was already dark and hurt whenever he walked the wrong way.
“Nothing,” Caramel said face as he covered it again with his foreleg. “I fell down last night and hit my side.”
Caramel had said it so fast so many times that he didn’t even stop to think if he sounded convincing. It was a lie; like every single other lie that crossed his lips so many times. Now, like every other time before, he desperately wanted to yell the truth. Yell what had really happened.
But he was still young. If he did tell anypony else there was no guarantee it would change anything. It could also change everything. Sage and him could be separated, and his brother was his only friend in the world. Now, like every other time he threatened to spill the secret he reminded himself of one thing.
Only a few more months until he was eighteen. Then he could tell everybody whenever he wanted and they couldn’t separate him and Sage via foster care. Tell every dirty secret his mother did to him.
“Will you… g-go?” Caramel asked.
Lance was quiet for a bit. Caramel had expected him not to move, or talk more, or something. But instead he just nodded his head, stood up, and said goodbye. Caramel couldn’t even manage a goodbye back. He just sat there still hugging his book as he watched the pegasus walk away. Something in his chest felt funny. Like he had been hit but on the inside. He still didn’t know why Lance was being nice to him. Why he wanted to hang out at all.
“I’m sorry,” Caramel mumbled under his breath once Lance was out of eyesight. “I’d love to hang out. But I’m sorry.”
------------------
“Caramel?”
Caramel glanced up at Sage. He stared back at him, and already his mind was going to how in every way the two of them were so very, very different. Sage’s glasses sat at the end of his muzzle and his ears stuck up instead of slumped down in embarrassment like Caramel’s own tended to do. He wore a poker face while Caramel frowned. He was good at hiding his emotions while Caramel was not. He was also good at reading emotions; which was exactly why he had stopped walking.
“Yeah?” Caramel asked.
“What did I just ask you?”
“Um…” Caramel trailed off. He realized he was standing on a cobblestone bridge but had no memory of when he had walked the distance from the school to here. Home was just a few more minutes away, but here both him and his brother stopped. “I… I don’t know, sorry. I wasn’t listening.”
“How’s your bruise?” Sage asked. He approached slowly and without hesitation gently caressed his hoof against it. Caramel tensed despite feeling no pain. “We should ice it again when we get home…”
“It’s fine,” Caramel said as he took a step away from Sage. “I only notice it if I walk funny.”
“Then what’s bothering you?”
Caramel paused when that question was asked. He knew already from many, many experiences just like this one that Sage wasn’t willing to take ‘nothing’ for a suitable answer. Even when Caramel glanced to the ground and kicked up a bit of loose pebbles with his hoof he was only delaying the inevitable.
“Some stallion talked to me,” Caramel said. “While I was waiting for you. He kept asking all these weird things.”
“He wasn’t picking on you, was he?” Sage asked.
Caramel bit his cheek. Sage had that same worried expression he always had on his face. There he was again playing the big brother role. Despite the fact that they were twins and Caramel was technically several minutes earlier never once in his life did he feel like he and Sage stood on equal footing in terms of how they took care of one another.
“No,” Caramel said with a shake of his head. “He just… asked if I wanted to hang out in town.”
Caramel kicked at the ground again.
“And you said?” Sage pressed.
“No…” Caramel mumbled.
Sage let out a sigh.
“Cara, it’d really do you good to hang out with ponies who aren’t me every once in awhile,” Sage said. He was scolding Caramel, but he had also heard this enough to know it came from a place of caring. Sage’s hoof touched Caramel’s shoulder. “Stallions or mare’s. You don’t want to be alone forever, right? What about a girlfriend one of these days?”
Caramel bit the inside of his cheek again at the mention of ‘girlfriend’. It made his insides feel funny to even shrug his shoulders as though doing so was trying to lift up a heavy weight. The way Lance had spoke to him earlier and made him feel was so… different. He kept thinking of it again and again. What he meant by hang out. Why he approached him so randomly.
He let himself think for half a second the thought he never allowed to cross his mind. Something that made him even more different and even more of an outcast than he already was. A thought that even putting into words made him feel disgusting and as though he were… broken on the inside. He pushed out the thought and sucked in air. He told himself it wasn’t true, as he had a hundred times before.
“I’ll find one one day,” Caramel said quietly. “Just… once we’re out of Mom’s house.”
Sage gave a bit of a shrug.
“You’ll think more about wanting a girlfriend one day,” Sage said.
Caramel rolled over in bed and realized Big Macintosh was gone. He had been drifting in and out of sleep for quite some time now, as he tended to do the night before something big, and had been desiring to find some sort of comfort snuggling close to his lover. Instead, when he turned his body fell into the indent and ruffled blankets where Big Macintosh should have been. Caramel opened his eyes slowly. The room was dark, and no light was peeking out from under the door to signify the hall light was one.
“Mac?” Caramel asked as he sat up and rubbed his eyes. He could see stars outside, and shadows of objects around the room. No Mac, though.
Just as Caramel was trying to decide if it was worth it to drag himself out of bed and search for his missing lover or simply lay back down and try to find sleep he heard a creak. It made him tense at first because the room up until this point had been dead quiet. The sound was followed by another and another until it mixed with hoofsteps and approached the bedroom door. Big Macintosh walked in slowly, but then glanced up and saw Caramel sitting up in bed.
“Sugar?” He asked in a hushed tone. “What are you doin’ up?”
“I was gonna ask you that,” Caramel replied.
Big Macintosh walked in and closed the door behind him. In the dark Caramel could only make out his shadow, but as he grew closer and slunk onto the bed he could see the dark red of his fur as it came into contact with his muzzle. Big Macintosh wrapped his forelegs around Caramel and squeezed him down to a lying position as he settled back into bed.
“I didn’t wake you, did I?” Mac asked.
“No,” Caramel said as he placed a hoof on Big Macintosh’s chest. “This is the third night, though.”
“Hmm?” Big Macintosh asked.
“That you… sneak out while I’m asleep.”
Big Macintosh didn’t answer that. Caramel didn’t expect him too, really. He just pressed his lips lightly to Big Macintosh’s cheek and then settled his muzzle into the crook of his neck. He smelled like home, in a way. Caramel’s home. As a hoof traveled up and down his back in soothing motions Caramel hugged tighter.
“Are you having trouble sleeping?” Caramel asked.
“Nope,” Big Macintosh answered.
“You can tell me,” Caramel said. “If you’re nervous about the reunion or anything. I know it’s tomorrow and I’m nervous too, but…”
“That ain’t it, Sugar,” Big Macintosh said. He pulled back a few inches so he could touch his hoof to Caramel’s cheek. He let out a chuckle and his warm breath ran against Caramel’s forehead and dislodged a few of his hairs. “You worry too much. I’m just workin’ on something.”
“Working on something?” Caramel asked.
Big Macintosh chuckled again.
“You’ve been acting weird,” Caramel said.
“Bad weird?”
“No,” Caramel said and shook his head slowly. “Just… weird weird. Ever since… I dunno, I guess when you woke up really early from a dream a few nights ago. It’s not bad. You’re just way more cuddly and mushy and sneaking off at night.”
“You want me to ease up on the mushiness?” Big Macintosh asked as he ran a hoof down Caramel’s mane.
“N-No,” Caramel said quickly. He was glad it was dark otherwise Mac might have seen him blush. “I like it. It’s just… different.”
“I guess I just realized how happy I am to have you, Sugarcube.”
“I-I bet you say that to all the stallions,” Caramel mumbled. Now he was really starting to feel embarrassed.
“Only the cute ones,” Big Macintosh said as he kissed Caramel’s nose.
“Ugh,” Caramel whined. “Are you even gonna tell me what you’ve been working on? Why are you doing it so late at night?”
“Cause it’s a secret,” Big Macintosh said. He kissed Caramel’s nose again and let out a giggle like a child who was so filled with energy he couldn’t control himself. He was squirming like Braeburn tended to do now, and the springs in the bed were whining under his weight. “You’ll see soon, I promise.”
“You really are being weird lately, Mac,” Caramel said. His voice was growing quieter now. He closed his eyes. “I’m happy too, though.”
“Hmm?” Big Mac asked. “About what?”
“To have you,” Caramel said. He buried his face into Mac’s chest.
He thought about how years ago that thought would have made his skin crawl and shame wash over him. To feel love for a stallion and be glad to embrace him as he was now. It filled him with warmth now to know another loved him just as much as he loved them back. A thought he once feared he now relished in, and never wanted to let go.
As he fell asleep he felt Big Macintosh’s lips press to his head.
